Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 3

i’ve been asking my boyfriend to watch a specific horror movie with me for a couple years now and he has always declined because he hates horror movies. but for the last few months one of his friends (who is struggling) does movie nights every week with their whole friend group and this week he wanted to do a movie marathon with a horror movie every day of the week for halloween. today they plan on watching the movie i had been asking my bf to watch with me. he did not even hesitate to agree to go (he skipped the movie yesterday but is going today). i sometimes go to movie nights but i cant this week because i work late every night. when i brought up that him unhesitatingly going to this movie with his friends that i’ve been begging him to watch with me was kind of hurtful he said that it’s different because he just wanted to hang out with his friends and check in on his friend who is struggling, and because we live together he’ll just get to spend time with me whenever anyways. he went, he came home, i expressed i was still upset because i told him i would be, and he feels bad but has not apologized or doesn’t think it’s a big deal. i feel like i’m going crazy over this??? am i being dramatic?? in general he is very sweet and loving so i’m thrown for a loop here

I struggle with social norms and over the years I have also become angrier and more selfish, with episodes of feeling hollow inside.

I always struggled with social norms - especially when it came to small talk and other niceties with family and friends. I always chalked it away to “I don’t contribute unless I have input”.

However, I was always someone who put others before myself, to the point where I started believing that I didn’t deserve good things for myself. I found a partner who helped me rethink that, and helped me learn to love myself more.

However, as I started to embrace self-love and pursuing my passions, I find it hard to strike a balance between wanting to be there for myself but also being there for others especially my partner. I got angry when I had to devote time and attention to others, thinking that I had finite time left on this earth to do what I wanted to (context: have been a working adult for 5 years at this point). I felt like they didn’t understand me (ironic cos I struggle with communicating my needs so how would they know lol).

What used to be struggling with social norms soon became apathy - I felt like I didn’t care about remembering an aunt’s name or visiting my partner’s hospitalised father. Some might say these are expectations while others disagree, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I know I started becoming more apathetic towards anything but myself (though I still try very hard to show up for others.

One day it got so bad that I rationalised with myself that breaking up with my partner or losing important people in my life was okay.

I even looked up neurological / psychological conditions cos it felt like I was regressing to my childhood at some point because it’s my safe space. It’s very worrying because I know a part of me truly cares for and loves others, but can’t strike the balance between caring for myself and for others. My therapist told me that I had built such strong walls and paradigms over the years that I’m somehow self-sabotaging I.e. by crying for help while also pushing people away or being okay with losing my loved ones because I was always alone as a child anyway.

Perhaps a part of me still doesn’t believe that I deserve to be happy, and is wrestling with this impostor syndrome while the positive part of me is desperately trying to fight back. Maybe I still lack maturity. Or maybe I’m just not a good person.

hey… I don’t really know what I’m doing posting this, but I just need to let it out somewhere. a few weeks ago I almost ended my life, and ever since then I’ve just felt completely empty and done with everything. I keep thinking about just disappearing — moving somewhere far away and starting over with nobody who knows me. no family, no friends, just a fresh start.

things with my girlfriend have been rough too, and I honestly don’t even know if she still loves me. it’s making everything feel even heavier. I’ve been thinking about checking myself into a psych ward or getting some kind of professional help, but she really doesn’t want me to. I’m so confused because I know I need something, but I don’t know what the right thing is.

I just feel exhausted and stuck. I hate where my life is right now, and I don’t know how to make it better. if anyone’s been through something like this, how did you handle it? did getting help actually help? what can i do with my girlfriend? (im 13 btw)

(so I was imagining a scenario in which I accidentally-on purpose overdose on my new antidepressants)

Me: *walking into school, feeling not good at ALL*

Barley: "Inari! ... are you ok?"

Me: *collapses, ded*

everyone: *freaking the fuck out*

and then Clive went, "let me show you how it would really happen."

Me: *walking into school, feeling not good at ALL*

Barley: "Inari! ... you good?"

Me: *collapses, ded*

Barley: *shrugs, indifferent*

Everyone else: *just like, well that happened, oh well"

(another scenario, in which someone shoots me in the head at school)

me and barley: *walking down the hall, minding our own damn business*

*then gunshots and i'm dead*

Barley: *FREAKING out*

(the school gets put on lockdown and ppl are screaming)

and then Clive went, "let me show you how it would really happen."

me and barley: *walking down the hall, minding our own damn business*

*then gunshots and i'm dead*

Barley: *shrugs and keeps walking*

(the school gets put on lockdown and ppl just keep minding their own business bc I was the only victim and nobody knows who I am)

Me (13) and my brother (11) had an argument. Maybe it's my fault. But let me explain. I just told him I found Hindi overwhelming, and he said his isn't that easy either so I should also know, but I do and I was gonna explain to him how hard mine is. Then I was shooing away a fly, and this is one of the many things about me I hate, it's that I really don't like flies and their sound and all that and makes me go nuts. So in the lift, he asked me why I hated and overreacted to flies so much, I didn't wanna talk about it and I thought we were going off-topic, but he then said he didn't care angrily. Then we started arguing that he should leave me, then he said he shouldn't even when I COULD potentially become the worst sister ever, he never listened to dad saying to LEAVE family members who hurt you on a visceral level, and I feel as if I did. Next thing you know, he says it's OKAY for Indian families to have lots of beatings, even though OUR PARENTS don't like it and now they rarely do it and feel great remorse when doing it (my dad even admits when he has flaws and he gets somewhat better at handling them), while I'm "glamorizing" an "American movie idea". Then we started arguing about how even though he has many friends he doesn't know that if friends don't wanna speak about something they shouldn't pressure them to, he said I don't even have friends, and we did name-calling and swearing, and in another lift alone together, he called me psychopath, I called him child murderer and pedophile, and at home now, he treats me like I'm a stupid crazy hysteric lady on an 8 ft restraining order. It's my fault this happened. It's my fault for not calmly telling him he's going very off-topic. See? Failure on my part. Failure never equals improvement.

Man, why doesn't he get it? I know I have no friends, but why doesn't he get it? Why doesn't he know with 6 friends, if they don't wanna talk about something, no matter how stupid, you don't! One thing I learnt when I overshare my interests with people NOT interested! Not everyone wants to speak about gemstones! But, maybe that's why I don't have friends.

We spoke to mom, I explained this to her, he said he wanted to stay away from me since I've gone crazy, she sounded exhausted on the phone, and right now, I hate myself. I feel like an abusive sister. My brother will assume these things for life, he's done this for a long time. Mom came, and she spoke to us that we shouldn't call each other names OR ELSE, and that if the argument or conversation goes in a nasty direction, either one of us stays quiet. I asked her what if my brother will think I'm weak or I can't clap back at him, and mom said she does this with dad to avoid getting nasty if things go south, and she said I shouldn't think for others. The reason I hate it when people say that is because it is my job to think what others think, otherwise I'm gonna grow up to be a criminal. She even told me I'm not abusive. I am, considering I called him nasty things and after some time, he acted like nothing happened.

Why doesn't he know it yet? That if I don't wanna speak about flies since I find my disgust and overwhelm stupid, why was he pushing me? My fear is stupid. Even though their sound drives me nuts and makes me feel like vomiting or peeing, it's stupid. He even got very off-topic when he kept asking me that, when we were talking about Hindi studies. Dude, even dad tells you not to go astray, yet because he isn't here for now, he didn't do it. And when I asked my brother, he really had no idea what he did could've been a sign he's not really a friend-friend, even though him and friends have no seriousness at all. My dad's right, he really cannot think AT ALL, only cook up smart answers and score good marks, and even he failed months ago in most of his tests! Guy really can't think about anything, what food he wants (actually, he can't adjust to what foods adults don't wanna give him and he is very stubborn and whiny), motor functions (his writing makes even doctors confused) because bro's only good at piano but not anything else involving his hands, he can't understand social nuance in that sense, and somehow, even with 6 FRIENDS, he doesn't know that lesson of "Not to Push People Into Talking About Uncomfortable Things is Wrong and Weird" yet! Bro really has the thinking capacity of a potato. He sounds smart and looks cute, but really he's not that impressive. Sure he's good at piano, but actually using his hands is like expecting a Snorlax to do a backflip. Another thing is, he can actually make me think I'm the big issue, until someone like my parents snaps me out of it and shows that what he also did wasn't great either. Homie cannot think at all.

these days im not in the mood to go anywhere. my friend is getting married this week and she lives farrrr away from me. it took 4 hours from my place to go hers and im scared if i go there, it will not reach my expectation (in a simple words, im scared getting ignored since it has been more than 5 years we didnt meet).

i also have concert on december but im not in the mood to go (thinking to resell the tix) and i feel like the possibilities of me getting disappointed is higher than happy and satisfied. i feel like if i want to get my sparks back, i need to go to the concert but i feel like its not worth it..

does anyone know what am i going through actually? and is there any ways to make me feel contented again? :')

for context im man, now, i remember used to going out with my friend to places alot, and he would often bring his mother, to me something was clear she liked me for my presence, i was never a spare money or a thing for using out there, nothing like that, i didnt even speak too much, but still very inviting and would pay for me watch movies with them both, i tried give back and was told no dont worry u keep money, i have not even a real known personality or anything interesting, infact i should seriously get my shit together and not think about girls, but still, very accomodating, as if its for no reason, and i found that super hot (i never disclosed that to anyone, cuz friends mom its weird, and this time im doing it anonymous), what type is this, i surely wont encounter another one of these types, too rare, im surprised this was her behavior, atleast not for no reason, what was going on there

Am I the only one who feels like thire alone even if they are in a room full of people .

I'm neurodivergent and this is a comment thing for me .

any one else who is neurodivergent fee like this or is it just me.

I'm 15 and I'm feeling suicidal, the only reason I don't do it is because the few friends I have would be left traumatized and I don't want them to feel like shit because of me.

I hate my life, it's not bad per se, we're not poor but there's always something making me feel worse.

My dad gets angry at me for the littlest things and he's never helpful, he can't help in homework, doesn't do anything around the house other than cook. He gets angry like hell even only if I Huff around him that he'd say he'll slap me (he never did but it's still scary), my mom helps but she's overwhelmed, she's got work and me and my brother and then my dad because he cannot even do something that takes too much effort. I'm basically refraining myself from sharing opinions, saying what I really like or think or show anger when I get angry around him because anything could become a reason for me to get him angry.

He doesn't even fake to appreciate me, I get a good grade, well I was supposed to, there's no reason for me to even get a compliment, I get a bad grade and he shoves it in my face like it's fun that I did bad.

He's probably racist and homophobic, Ill never ever tell him my sexuality, and he keeps joking about me not being able to get a boyfriend otherwise he'll beat him up.

I cannot dress how I want, I'm not talking about miniskirts partying all night, I'm talking about not being able to wear simple alt clothing because he doesn't like it (he gets angry because of a choker, that doesn't even have weird shapes on it like satanist or something like that, it's just a heart in the middle).

I don't know what to do, I don't wanna keep going all this, all this shit just makes me worse and it feeds other insecurities I have and I don't know if there's a way to fix this. I don't want to ask them about getting a professional I can talk to because that way then I'd have to explain to them why I need it.

Damn, commiting really sounds good right now that it scares the shit out of me. I am really tired of always being everyone’s punching bags. I’m just a kid too. Someone who longs for a complete and happy family. I’m just 14 years old but I already wanna end my life. Why do I have to carry it all? What about me? Just because I don’t show my emotions doesn’t mean I’m strong. Everyone thinks that I am okay, but I am not. I’m so fucking tired. My Mom can’t have a dead daughter. I still wanna see My Mom and my baby brother. But my mind is killing me. I hope I can speak my thoughts without feeling like a burden or people will judge me for who I am. I always tell people to be strong and to live happily, but I can’t even do that. When people do me wrong, I always say maybe they’re going through something. But when I am going through something, I never treat people wrong like that haha. It genuinely hurts that I am even thinking of doing it. ’Cause what do you mean a young girl like me already wants to end it? I am still trying but I don’t know how long. I don’t want people thinking that they weren’t there for me, especially my Mom. I’m not living for myself anymore, because if I was living for myself? I would have been dead by now. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I just hope one day I will be okay. My mind is screaming negative thoughts and I don’t know how long I can hold on. I’m very much tired, I wish for this pain to end.

I am sick and tired of being the friend who is always left out, forgotten about or pushed to the side. my friends have a tendency to get together and not even send me a text to ask if I can join them. It seems like I am only ever included in plans if I am the one making the plans. and lately I have been offering ideas, and I keep getting shut down by everyone. it seems like they always have excuses, and it makes me wonder how much they even like me. after i have been making repeated suggestions about hanging out or doing something together, a bunch of my friends got together to go to a haunted house, and I didn't get a text from a single one of them. I found out today that they had all gotten together. it hurts a lot to be left out like this, when I try so hard. I really love and care about my friends, but when they do stuff like this all the time it makes me wonder if they even like me, or if they are just always annoyed with me. or if they keep me around to be a punching bag. two of my friends have a tendency to joke about me and make fun of me a lot. now, don't get me wrong, I am completely fine with joking around. I think it can be great in friendships, and bring people closer. however, it starts to hurt when I never hear anything nice from them. some days it seems like any time I do anything they have to pick on me for it. I always just laugh it off, but it makes me start to shut down so they will stop. the other thing is that sometimes the jokes they make are a little too real, or too far. and it seems like they are really taking digs at me disguised as jokes. this has a tendency to really hurt me and get under my skin. but I always just play it off and pretend to be fine because I have no idea how to bring it up to them without being scared that they will say that it's all just jokes and that I am taking it too personally. I like in a tiny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, so finding other people to be friends with just isn't an option. and sometimes my friends are awesome and they make me feel like part of the group, and like they really care about me. other times it feels like they are just annoyed and ticked off at me. so I have just come to the conclusion that I need to start being my own best friend. that way whenever they do stuff without me I don't have to feel left out because I can just do it by myself. and if I want to go do something, I can just go by myself. I live in an extremely tiny town, which makes it quite difficult to find anything to do. but I will figure something out some way. i was just wondering if anyone has any experience with learning to do things by yourself, and any ideas of things for me to do for fun. or if anyone has any tips on dealing with feeling left out. thank you for reading, and I hope you have an amazing day

So, my 37 year old daughter left her husband and my grandchildren last year for a freaking convict! Now, I am all about 2nd chances but he's a loser with a capital l! She was screwing him before she left and now the 2 older grandkids are here with me and my ex, and she spends all her time up north with the prick! Whom I found out treats her like shit! I did not raise her alone to be like this! She thinks she did a good thing by leaving her husband and she's right. He was a dick, just realized it too late. Now my youngest granddaughter is with her dad because my loser daughter doesn't have fucking time for any of her kids! She actually told my oldest granddaughter she was "on her own and she couldn't be bothered by anything in her life" , what a fucking bitch! I fucking hate her and want to disown her, is there anyway legally I can do that? I'm about to freak the fuck out on her, I just haven't yet because my granddaughters asked me not to. But my health is also on the line, already had 1 heart surgery. What do I do?

I feel like my life is a huge joke. I feel like I’m the punching bag in a fight club.

When I was around 12, my grandparents had both passed away and I was moved states away. I loved my grandparents, and they raised me. My dad was not in my life at any point, and my mom was barely present.

My mom had a long distance girlfriend at the time, and both her and the girlfriend pressured me until I finally agreed to the move. I’ll call the girlfriend Jane. Jane constantly told me ways my life would be better, and later escalated to how much happier my mom would be if I agreed to move. It was very manipulative.

Once we moved to another state, about 9 hours away from all of my family, things became unbearable. Jane was emotionally abusive. She was a full blown narcissist. She made my mom financially dependent on her. I was cursed at for hours on end daily. Jane would call me derogatory names constantly. If I simply forgot to unload the dishwasher, I was screamed at. Nothing I did was ever good enough. For the first year I would go out to my mom’s car and sob. My mom would come check on me, and I would beg her to take me back home. She never did.

After years of abuse, I tried multiple times to kill myself. I finally told Jane and my mom that how they treated me made me miserable. Jane’s response was to threaten to call the police and have me arrested for insubordination. I was 16 at the time, and had no idea if that was something she could do. Instead of getting help and therapy that I begged for, I was punished. I wasn’t even allowed to shave my legs, which was horrifying because I played sports year round and it was volleyball season. There is so much to share about my life with Jane, but I’ll move on.

At 17 I graduated and started college. I made sure to get housing on campus so I could get away from my mom and Jane. During the semester, I enlisted in the army. During my time in the military, I went no contact with my mom and Jane. I did everything to ensure I never had to go home. If I wasn’t staying in barracks, I would stay in my car or at a boyfriend’s house.

Years later I went back to school, and stayed with my boyfriend’s family. When we broke up, I had no choice but to go home. Jane was dying with cancer. I moved back in October, and by December she died. She was absolutely horrible even dying. She tried to be abusive, but with me being older and able to evade her it wasn’t successful. My mom told me in private many times that she couldn’t wait for Jane to die. It’s now been years since Jane died. I’m no contact with my mom again.

My relationships, intimate or friend, have also been horrible. My very first serious boyfriend raped me and SA’d me. I stayed with him for 2 years, because I thought that was how relationships were. Jane constantly told me how I should make sure I keep him because I’ll never deserve or get anything better. I was 16 and believed her.

My next long relationship was 4 years and was the boyfriend I lived with. He cheated religiously. Everytime I tried to leave he would sob and lay down behind my car. If I would get upset and not want to hear his excuses, he would hold me down and scream in my face. He treated me terribly.

After I went home and Jane died, I dated off and on. I had better short term relationships, and most ended because we didn’t meld all the way. They were all mutual and civil breakups, but nothing lasting more than a couple months at most.

My current relationship has been for the last 3+ years. We just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary a couple days ago.

In August, I cut off my best friend. I’m going to call her Alice. Alice was my first friend when I moved here. She was my maid of honor when I got married. Our friendship had never really been the best. She constantly threw me under the bus and talked bad of me behind my back. She would use me as a scapegoat to her parents, and honestly I didn’t care because it wasn’t like my life could get any worse with mine at the time. Once we got older tho, she would talk about me to my boyfriends. When I asked her to stop, she would claim to have every right to talk about whoever she wanted to whoever she wanted to. She could be pretty nasty. Most of the time they were lies or just complete misunderstandings that she turned into huge ordeals. All of this improved over the last couple of years, and I thought we were past it. I thought she had matured. In August, we had a skirmish. I had been self isolating, and she was furious with me. She was angry that I hadn’t been talking to her. I explained that I hadn’t talked to anyone, and I was apologetic that she got included. I did try to explain that talking to her was difficult. She would constantly leave me on read, or respond with one word replies. She never acted as if she cared, and I was always a burden to her. I would have understood if I was this Debbie downer, but I wasn’t. The burden I put on her, was asking to spend time together. Before I started isolating, I tried with all of my friends to reach out and establish some sort of talking. Most didn’t reply at all to my, “hey how are you?” Alice responded, but she blew up on me. She told me she loved me but she just couldn’t hang out or give me any semblance of communication because she was so exhausted. I told her that the only reason I was texting was to actually see how she was. I knew she had been stressed with her job, and I wanted to check on her. Which was the truth. After that conversation, I stopped reaching out. I stopped trying. I adopted a “let them” policy. Months later in August she blew up on me for it. When I tried to explain how I had been doing with my own mental health, she stopped replying. She told me that she couldn’t be there for me and that she was too upset. For context, I was feeling pretty worthless and unwanted. Nothing incredibly heavy, and it was the first time I’d talked to her about my mental state in almost a year. After her reaction, I told her I didn’t really want to talk to her for a while. I wanted some boundary to feel safe and respected. Within a couple of days, multiple mutual friends blocked me. I learned from one that Alice had shared a completely made up lie. She had painted me to anyone who would listen that I was an absolute villain in a completely made up story. I shared with the same friend evidence of what actually happened. They confirmed that she was telling a horrible alternate version to make herself a victim. After that I was done. I cut her off and haven’t spoken with her since.

About a month later, I was finally getting over and accepting that I had no family or friends. I had my husband and his family. I was feeling terribly alone. That same September, I found out that my husband had been cheated on me since the beginning. He had multiple affairs. He had online relationships with countless women.

So yea. That’s the shortest way to get my story out. I feel like every single person I’ve let into my life has hurt me. I feel devastated. I don’t want to be alone, but no person who was supposed to love me actually loved me and didn’t hurt me. When I think about all of the hurt I’ve had in my life, I can’t help but wonder what past sins I committed that would warrant such pain in this life.

Alexithyma

noun

the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions.

I live in a broken family

My family was not like this, even if we weren’t perfect we all still loved each other and was somewhat okay. A few months ago my father had an issue with his job and left it, thus financial problems started. My sibling who is abroad does their best to support us. Our relatives from both paternal and maternal side cut contact with us and started talking behind our backs because we do not have the financial stability anymore, not even our grandparents talk to us or ask about us, even though we have never asked for money from them and never would have asked for it. But nobody even calls or texts us, instead they sometimes come over to spite us and leave us out of important familial information. This obviously broke my siblings and my heart but my parents are devastated because of this.

Gradually my parents started fighting more too, always creating this gloomy atmosphere at my house. My parents started blaming themselves at first for not being able to do the same for me as they did for my elder sibling then they started to blame me for not being a good enough student even though I’m working 24/7 to maintain a scholarship and earn money. Then my dad had to cheat. Well some might say it was not direct cheating but we caught him on a video call with another lady and saw their texts. My younger sibling hates his gut now, we had to adjust, cause what can we do, what else can be done. My parents aren’t in love anymore, not like before, I’m pretty sure if we did not exist they would divorce, at least that is what they tell me all the time.

90% of the time I feel dissociated, I don’t know if I’m supposed to thank “god” for keeping me alive or hate god for making us go through this. I hate living here now, everyone is always fighting, everyone is always depressed, it feels like even staying at my stupid university will be better than staying here.

I just want everything to end.