Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 3

I'm struggling to get over a guy named Prasoon. Even though some time has passed, I still find myself thinking about him. There's a song, "Shaky Shaky," that he once told me about. Every time I hear it, I'm transported back to the feelings I had when he first shared it with me and during our conversations.

Our relationship had its ups and downs. Eventually, he expressed a desire to live a "straight life," believing that being gay wasn't good for his mental health. Hearing this was a setback for me, and it made me reluctant to pursue him further. However, despite everything, I can't shake the feeling that we belong together. These thoughts constantly resurface and I can't seem to get past them.

One day, after a brief conversation, I asked him to cut off contact, and he agreed. Later, I asked him if he wanted to see me again, and he gave a clear "no."

Now, I'm at a loss about what to do with these persistent feelings of missing him. I wonder if it's just my hormones dictating these emotions, as Prasoon suggested

This might sound a bit silly but really, I kinda need help combating with these weird thoughts

I’ve vented here before, and I really appreciated the support and perspectives others shared. But there’s something I brushed off before, as that was not the central topic of the previous vent and it wasn’t a big enough problem, until it started eating me today, and it’s become hard to ignore

I want to draw more than anything in the whole world. I’ve been drawing for 8 years, starting from the simple concept of a cube to a whole world of anthro animals/inanimates, silly creatures, all fantasy related, even evolving my old characters. From wolf-folk to living game controllers, it’s like a modern fantasy world, just like drawing was to me! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find myself drawing after having a lot of hardships, but after all the support I received recently, and even regaining access to Discord, I might give it a shot again, hell I would LOVE to try it again, but there’s something deeper blocking me: my envy…

Ever since 2020, I’ve started looking up to niche artists online—ones who draw stylized, humanoid non-human characters (anthros and such) with this barely-explainable aesthetic (Five-fingers, making it premium. They’re like exactly human characters but with the most notable parts of the item/animal, but there’s no valid name for it I could find, and it’s not furry and I ain’t one.) By the start of 2023, however, I noticed something weird about each new artist I became obsessed with, almost like a pattern but on different communities and social medias, and it’s not exactly what I asked each artist I admired to have and stuff that almost seemed to either taunt me or I just don’t know that it is an aesthetic that exists. Poetic blood in art, cigar(ettes), dangling shoes, the same obsessions in the same indie games, same online communities, same aesthetic. They even behaved in two ways: Overly cutesy and giddy, or kinda assholish and deadpan. The latest artist I started admiring checked all the boxes in a week, then today they revealed that not only are they obsessed with the same game, but also with the character that one of my favorite “niche” online artists designed. It almost feels like it’s not a coincidence coincidence and not inspiration or a neat fact. It suffocates me.

I tried emulating these kinds of artists for a long time, still having a subpar art style that tries to emulate the magic of those artists, but it always fails in several aspects, including the pose I want to strike. I am not motivated to draw, despite how much my heart tells me to. I’ve tried filling every similarity box while also bringing slight nerdism on technology and being nice to others. Why am I not having a proper consistent niche then? I’ve been forced to restart TWICE, not getting any better and always ending in failure. I want to be friends with those artists too, but I can’t get into their indie interests, let alone even talk to them normally just to be friends. I have met a few, and the closest to a friend would be one artist I commissioned twice. They offered me a Toyhouse code, but I just don’t know how to go about being publicly online. What if I screw up as bad as previously? It makes me so anxious. I want to have my own niche fandom, and I want to be nice to others, but others treat me like shit and attempt to drive me off the internet by spreading rumors about me and even grooming me.

Now, I have questions for you guys.

1. What would you do if you were me?

2. Have you guys ever felt the same weird connection between people you admire? If so:

a. Do you think it’s weird?

b. Do you feel more jealousy than admiration?

Is it me or are some song lyrics more relatable than others. One of the song lyrics I relate to is

"It was never to end like this"

"so go ahead and tell me what I did to deserve this " From Hurtlees by Dean Lewis. 🎵

This can be related to your mental health struggles or friendship that has ended.

my whole life as a gay male.....only ever been attracted to men who I can't have. straight men. I like the ones that don't think "oh I'm gay, I gotta be like this now" nah I'm old school. I just like men. but sometimes my attractions have lead me right into a trap. confessing feelings for people that aren't even gay yet somehow there have been interactions with 2 of them...noone will be mentioned.

both of them turned out to be my best to friends. don't thought they were. and both of them I also developed a attraction for. and they've been secretly willing.

those feelings are over and I've moved on....quit drinking started going to AA ...stopped going...not many know. started drinking....I'm not necessarily too far gone again....but I'm feeling myself turn that way, I don't know what's wrong with me....I was supposed to get myself a sponsor. so I did. but I jumped right into it for 2 reasons. a. for help. and b. for a chance to belong. to find a purpose.

my sponsor unfortunately for me is very attractive muscular....a father of 6. 5 years older. MARRIED to a beautiful woman. I'd never be what guy I was before and wreck anything by being too involved. he's a great sponsor. he's a great friend. looks out and everything....I thought that would be my motivation to keep myself from drinking. by impressing him and getting to know him more. but even that, extraordinary honor of a sponsor I had was just too busy for my problems. solely because I wanted all his time but on my time....not in a sexual way...I just have so much to talk about and discover...but I'm not easily comfortable talking to people. especially not people I'm attracted to. Im a wreck in the mind when that happens....yet somehow it's helped me....I wish I could understand why I am so afraid of letting people understand and know the real me inside...he wants out. but hes afraid...afraid he's too much love honestly for the world to comprehend....he's very sensitive especially with his emotions and feelings...anywho so I've relapsed between losing my job unprofessionally to now living with yet another person...this person was introduced through work. and I was informed I would be living with him..for the time being so start a project...well he's also attractive. military background. and cool as shit.

I'm hazy when it comes to extreme default. I could write pages and pages. I'm trying to figure out even though he's okay with my being gay. he doesn't know nor will I say to him he's good looking I don't want that sort of conflict...I mean unless he asks me to judge him in that way. I totally would but as roommates that's a boundary you don't wanna cross. especially when you don't know that person all to well. all in all great human being. down to earth. very good to me. sometimes a little to honest but I can take it..

I understand where I'm at in life, the middle. the almost crisis I guess. where you still have to figure out where it is you are going in life. and Ive yet a clue. but I do know I love helping people me by understanding and listening. trouble is ...my mind is always in this fog mode. everything important I need to understand and focus on gets dimmer. all other thoughts remain extremely in tact but scatter. it's one giant birds nest...neatly organized into "safe mode". my mind hybernates my brain faulters my voice shakes and when I speak intelligently from the mind it comes out dumb. it's not at all the proper way I was thinking.....I just can't describe myself enough to make anyone understand even myself what triggering these mental blocks. I can't remember shit. when I'm alone I can remember everything on the exact day of June 27th 2024. my roommate is also a Leo. like myself. same birthday too. just 10 years apart. why is it when he catches me off guard looking ínto the air....he asks "what's on your mind"...not just once has it happened but almost every moment of like 5-10minute silence..

I'm depressed and can't figure out a way to Express it without needing pity. I've drank. I've betrayed myself again. and I'm going down that road because I feel stuck. in a loop. why do I keep being involved in people I'm attracted to but clearly can't have. what is the world or God trying to show me that I've missed. why does my roommate think it's so hard to get a read on me yet everyone else is easier. why would he even bother with that. I understand people wanting to help. but why not just ask me what you want to know. you cant figure me out just as much as I can't figure myself out.. anybody else? understand any of this ?

t.i.a

Apologies for the dramatic title. I feel this doesn't even sound too big for all this and I think a lot of people here might think the same. I talked to my friends, family, and even AI in hopes it would feel lighter on my chest, but I don't see any improvement. I've sent this on reddit, and I'll send it here

I'm currently in the summer course of my second year. I spent these 2 years relatively shut off, only friending select people and keeping a respectable distance from everyone else. My main fear was getting attached to someone and letting it affect me and my studies. I kept telling myself that my objective was finishing my degree and getting out of here. And for a while, it worked, until we had our science expo.

The girl in question was someone I shared a class with in our first year. We interacted barely, and I didn't think of her at all previously. Not because she was bad, but I felt we were both on completely different wavelengths, you know? In the spring of the second year, we shared a class again. I don't know what happened, but this time, it felt different. But I tried to ignore it. I told myself this was an infatuation that'll pass. At the end of the semester, we both had a project to show off at the science expo. I was going around the booths to genuinely support the people participating, like I'd want someone to do for my project. And then I came to her.

She was lit up. So energetic. It was the first time I saw her that way. She showed me all about her project, and I even asked her some questions as engagement. We even joked around when the experiment had a mishap. Then, unprompted, she asked me about my booth. I showed her where mine was since it was relatively far, and she told me, apparently, that she was looking for me, and thought I was at a certain place which had most of my friend group in there, and said she'd visit. She came with her friend, both waited in line while one of the professors was seeing my booth. It took a while, and I noticed she had to come back to her booth for visitors. After we were both done, I noticed she was constantly glancing at my booth and back to her phone. I felt awkward, so I did this weird gesture of invitation with my hand, signaling that it's all ready for her. In retrospect, I felt this gesture could've made things awkward. But it wasn't, which caught me off guard. She laughed, rocking her head back and forth and doing the thing where she covers her mouth while laughing. Then she instantly came, telling me to "show her all I got" and that she'll "rate me honestly". We talked a lot at that time.

Now, due to how long this is, I've thought it's best to describe this one in detail since I feel this was a pivot moment. And after the expo? We talked. A lot. We helped each other during finals week, laughed, and joked. I got to meet her mom accidentally, which was another story in itself. Before I knew it, I was talking with her late at night. But now, since we finished spring and she's not taking summer, I feel both of us drifting apart. At first, I was strictly talking to her like anyone else, not putting her in any kind of place. But then I noticed myself thinking about her, waiting for her reply, looking forward to talking with her again. And now that we barely talk, I honestly feel like shit. And for some reason, I feel ashamed of the way I feel toward her. And what I feared the most is starting to happen. So far, my studies haven't been affected, but I feel sad. And it's not her fault. I keep telling myself, "She's not why you're here," "People come and go," and "You care about her way more than you should," but none of them help. I tried to do hobbies, and they all felt duller. I talked to my family, my friends, and GPTs, and they all say I'm brave and all, and there's no shame in feeling this way. And don't get me wrong; they're right. But no matter how much I'm told, no matter how much I know, no matter how much I say, I still feel like shit.

There's a lot of stuff I haven't said to not make this longer than it already is. Sorry again for the length of what seems to boil down to "a kid that fell in love with his classmate," but I figured there's not much else to try anymore. Thank you for reading

why do people always jump so quick at the sound of someone saying anything about them. why do we assume that when someone says something negative or demeaning against you to break your character or who you are ...why are those who should know you ready to believe anything......I get asked often why I am so quiet the answer lies within the people asking.

Instead of asking me "why are you so quiet" why not try asking yourself ....."do I have good intentions for this person" .....I've wasted plenty of time words and energy for all the wrong people. I've lost just about everyone I could ever count on. but now I'm making a difference for myself. I'm sticking to myself, as much as moving on from all that hurts ....I'm doing it. but why do I feel another surge about to happen. as if I'm about to lose yet another shot at doing whats best for me.

I don't know if anything I'm saying is making sense....but what I can say is.....I just wanna be understood. all my life I've lived misunderstood....some would call me an asshole. some may even mention fagget. words themselves do not bother me....but what does is the story behind it in how the person got to thinking that way....because instead of just asking....or being straight up ...we listen secondhand to what other people have to say. even when their intentions are bad. or just fucked up.

think all in all is ...I'm growing very weak and hopeless...pushing myself beyond depression because I just can't get it right. every direction I take can be just as easily ripped out from under me because it's so easy for me to focus on what other people think and what other people try and do to break me.

I feel like we can't talk at all, friends. I feel like we can't talk much on social media. We're judged too much. On Telegram, I'm judged too much. A strange guy came to judge me as crazy. To speak to me in charming, meaningless language. To tell me that what I write formally is hurting the group. Who does he think he is? I can express myself however I want. When I write these posts with beautiful formality, with the desire to see beautifully what's happening to me, what's happening to me, I feel that instead of inspiring him to be a better person, he actually backs down.

How is it possible that posts like mine, which offer such a detailed analysis of my behavior? Very pleasant, very detailed, very beautiful, and also written with refined data, can inspire such destructive criticism as to say that I'm hurting the group, that I'm making it difficult for the group to coexist. Doesn't he realize that what he's providing is an improvement? How disrespectful.

Why, instead of hindering good progress, don't you go somewhere else to do it? There was a guy who wanted to be my ceiling, and I didn't like that. I don't think anyone does. I hate that guy deeply; it doesn't do me any good. Those people who put a ceiling on someone aren't good people. They're always obstacles. By the way, there's a space on Telegram where they tell me that their space is the privileged one for expressing themselves, as if they were the superiors; it turns out I'm very distrustful. It's impossible that I found one of those people in an emotional support group. How is it possible that I found a guy like that?

The previous day, along with a classmate, they told me I was an artificial intelligence. That they should kick me out of the group for that. Can you believe it? I can't believe that because of my writing style, which is what I mentioned above, they considered me one of those things. The problem isn't that; the point is that they told me they should kick me out. How are they going to kick me out after expressing myself? How, after expressing myself through my beautiful writings, are they proposing to kick me out? It was something I couldn't believe. They were monsters. I couldn't believe it. The other guy I mentioned, the one I mentioned earlier, told me I was an artificial intelligence. He insisted, even when I told him no thousands of times. The guy I mentioned earlier insisted, despite being scolded, that I was an artificial intelligence. They even went so far as to claim that my writings couldn't have been written by a human being. I felt extremely offended, angry. I'd never encountered such an offense to myself.

It was like feeling like I had no place anywhere, friends. That my voice, my words, my desire to improve, had no place anywhere. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I'd ever experienced. How could they kick me out of anywhere for expressing myself? Besides a place of support?! It was something I couldn't believe. I wanted to die after that. I never thought I'd have such an experience, ever. Besides, my writing was beautiful, pretty, precious, and didn't bother anyone. They only considered it harmful because it bothered others, because their writing style wasn't theirs. Because I wasn't like them, should I leave? Or should I lower myself to being like them? Everyone's writing is a very personal thing; or rather, their improvement, because that's what I aim for with these writings. It's working with anxiety. How the hell could they frame my process? That's harmful to anyone's health! Both physically and emotionally! How can monsters like that exist on social media? I still can't believe it. It was a truly terrifying experience.

I just wanted to write calmly in that Telegram group. Relaxed, calm. And that's what happens to me. Also, for a long time now, I've been in need of consolation. I confess, I need to talk a lot. I feel very accomplished about things. I feel like I need to talk to someone, but they're not there. She's a girl who should have arrived a long time ago, but she hasn't. I don't know where she is, and I'm worried about her. I don't know what to do about her. I feel like something happened to her or something. I don't know where she is. I swore I'd leave her—I confess—so I could get her out of a negative situation, so she'd somehow reach out to me, and yet she hasn't. I've seen it work with other people, but not with me. Well, I'm being grim: I respected her space. I feel like that's why she should come. Knowing she's with a respectful person, who gives her peace, who doesn't control her life. Why isn't her life coming? Could it be that someone managed to control her life and I don't know them? I feel like she doesn't value the effort I'm making to wait for her. I don't know what to do to run into her. She was supposed to be my life partner, at least, that's what I expected. I feel like I wasted my time looking for a way for her to be with me, also for her pleasure. It can't be that she did this to me, it can't be that she's I'm going through this. This is hell. How could I have lost her?

I'm 39 and feeling like I'm drowning; it's just been too much lately. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like I'm running a marathon with no finish line in sight. My husband? He's there physically, but that's about it. It's like living with a ghost. When did life become so exhausting?

Every morning, I gear up to tackle the chaos. My kids, they're the light of my life, but man, they can be a handful. School lunches, homework, tantrums - it's never-ending. Do you ever feel like you're on autopilot, juggling so much that you can't catch your breath? My husband's in his own world, and I can't remember the last time we had an actual conversation. It's like talking to a wall most days.

At home, I'm doing the all-nighter thing without the party vibes. Laundry, dishes, cleaning up messes, and running after the kiddos... Oh, and did I mention working too? Sometimes I stare at the ceiling, wondering if this is it. Is this what adulting is all about? I try to stay hopeful, but it feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Self-care? That ship sailed a while ago.

I've tried to talk to him, but it's like we're speaking different languages. How do you get through to someone who doesn't seem to care? It's like he's on a permanent vacation from our life. I just want him to notice me, help out a little. It's not too much to ask, right? Sometimes a hug or a simple "How was your day?" would mean the world. Emojis can't solve everything, but 😢 sums it up pretty well.

Still, I tell myself it won't always be like this. Kids grow up, things change. It's just a stormy phase, and I'll come out the other side stronger. I hold onto that hope like a lifeline. Anyone else feeling something similar? Let's hang in there. Life has a funny way of turning things around when you least expect it. I'm ready for that silver lining.

man, i woke up this morning and I just definitively don't feel good.... i'm 28 for crying out loud, you'd think I'd have my shit together by now. i'm not even sure what's wrong, like, there's nothing specifically happening to cause this funk. is this just adulthood, or am i missing something crucial? seriously, how do other people keep it together so seamlessly while I'm over here struggling to get out of bed most days?

all week i've been stuck in a vicious cycle; i'm tired, but can't sleep; i'm hungry, but can't eat; and don't even get me started on working. sometimes i think to myself, "is there something bigger at play here?" maybe there's some universal energy or something screwing with me. you know that old quote, "sometimes we need a little darkness to see the stars"? it's kind of comforting, but what if it's total BS? like, aren't there stars in the daytime too? 🤔

so my attempts to remedy this have been textbook: i've tried meditating but the silence only made me more anxious. hit the gym, thinking some exercise would help; instead, I felt more exhausted than ever. someone suggested "retail therapy"—what a load of crap. spending all that money I don't even have just stressed me out more. basically, i've run out of options, and I’m starting to think my only salvation might be an alien abduction or something equally drastic. maybe a fresh start on a different planet might do the trick.

despite all this, i'm trying to stay hopeful. i mean, people always say "this too shall pass," right? but what they don't tell you is how slow the passing can be. life does suck sometimes but I guess that's part of "the journey". and if life throws me any more curveballs, I’ll just swing for the fences or whatever—because what’s the alternative? sulking in misery? nah, not my style. i'm clinging to any shred of optimism left like a lifeline—because seriously, what else can one do?

so here I am, spilling my guts online like that’s gonna fix anything. but maybe, just maybe, someone out there can relate or offer a piece of advice that's not straight out of a self-help book. have you faced similar BS and come out on the other side? don't hold out on me, share the secret—what's the meaning of life, or at least the key to feeling like a functional human being again?

so, here's the deal, guys. i've been dating this amazing guy for a couple of months now, and everything's going great. we're both 17, figuring ourselves out, and all that jazz. the thing is, he's super plugged into the whole LGBTQ+ community. like, he's got this crew, and they use so many terms i'm just not familiar with. i'm feeling a bit lost because i keep hearing the words "gay" and "queer" being tossed around like they're interchangeable—are they??? i mean, i thought i knew the basics, but turns out, i might be missing something.

so, picture this: we're hanging out at his friend's house, right? his buddy starts talking about this "queer art show" they're planning, and someone else chimes in with, "oh, it’s so great to see spaces that celebrate queer culture!" and i'm just standing there, nodding like i get it, but inside, i'm like "wait, what?" because i thought "queer" just meant "gay," but now it seems like it’s got its vibe and everything. i'm kinda stressed out 'cause i don’t want to seem clueless or, worse, offend anyone by asking, "um, what's the difference between gay and queer?"

i remember when i first told my parents about my boyfriend—they asked if i was "coming out as gay now?" and honestly, i didn't even know how to respond. i said, "uh, i think so?" but now, i'm hearing all these terms like bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, and gender-fluid, and i'm like, okay, where do i fit in here??? does liking a guy make me gay, or am i somewhere on the queer spectrum? i'm legit confused, and part of me is worried i'm just overthinking it. like, does it even matter as long as i'm happy? but still, i'm in this kind of identity limbo, unsure of what label, if any, suits me best.

now, i did what any self-respecting teen would do; i dove into the internet rabbit hole, reading articles and forums about all these different identities. from what i gather, "gay" typically refers to someone who's attracted to the same gender, right? but when it comes to "queer," things seem way more open-ended. some folks embrace it as a blanket term for anyone not straight, others as an act of reclaiming a word that was once an insult. but it seems to have this larger-than-life, almost rebellious energy to it, embodying a broader celebration of diversity. is that how you guys see it too???

part of me wants to just sit down with my boyfriend and ask, "hey, what do these words mean to you?" or "how do you feel about them?" maybe even confess that i'm kind of at a loss for the right vocabulary here. but, i can't help but worry he might think i'm not invested or that i’m just clueless. in the end, i guess this is part of the journey, right? figuring out how i identify, what these terms mean to me personally; it's just this process of questioning and understanding, getting comfortable with being a bit of a rainbow-colored question mark for now. who else has been here too? i'd love to hear your stories or advice 'cause i'm just trying to keep my head above water in this sea of new words and identities. thanks for listening!

I've recently been asking myself why -the f*ck- am I so unmotivated? and, quite frankly, it's starting to bug me. I mean, I’m 32, and I feel like I should have it all figured out, yet here I am, stuck in this seemingly endless rut. one thing that always hits me is work. Like, seriously, what’s going on with work nowadays?! Year after year, I've watched as impossible deadlines have consumed my time and energy. It seems that the intensity only increases as I get older. Deadlines??? More like "dead-end lines" if you ask me. The pressure to perform and deliver feels crushing, and to top it all off, there’s this whole AI assistance thing now… It’s like I’ve forgotten how to do my job, and AI is just there to slap me in the face and remind me how inadequate I can feel.

Then there’s the future!!! It’s so uncertain. With AI doing everything these days, where do people like me fit in the grand scheme of things? 🤖 It's hard not to feel overshadowed. I remember when I started working - there was genuine excitement and purpose. But now? All I see are stacks of emails, projects that never seem to truly end, and an endless stream of tasks that just never fail to drain any ounce of enthusiasm I have left. How did we reach a point where human contribution feels diluted? Recently, I read a quote somewhere: "Technology is best when it brings people together." Well, sometimes it feels like technology is best when it sidelines people. 😟

When did AI become the new face of productivity and efficiency? I can’t deny its usefulness, sure, I mean, I’ve saved hours thanks to AI, but I can’t help but to remember a time when people were valued for their skills, not the speed at which they can get things done. I’m not saying I’m against progress, but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m just not cut out for the kind of change that’s happening. Am I wrong to feel this way??? I wonder if anyone else out there feels this looming sense of uncertainty about the future at work…

Sometimes, I think back to when things were simpler. A box of office supplies, a friendly chat with colleagues at the water cooler, and those celebratory Friday afternoons when everyone was excited for the weekend. There was a real sense of camaraderie back then. Nowadays? Everything’s just distant and digital. Is social interaction a thing of the past? 🫰 Maybe it's just one of those slumps that people go through in their lives, I don’t know. But all of this has made me really question not just the future of my career but what fulfillment means to me personally. After all, isn’t it possible that we’re supposed to navigate these transitions and uncertainties with grace and adaptability??? Or maybe, it’s truly time for a career change or a soul-searching sabbatical.

So, here's the deal. I'm 16, and I've got this father who just doesn't get it. He's like this invisible anchor, dragging me down. You know that feeling when you study hard for an exam or practice for hours on the field, and all you want is a simple "good job"? Yeah, that's never happening; not in my house. It's almost like a game for him. Whenever I ace a test or make a fantastic play during a game, he's right there, telling me how I could have done better. Like, "You got 98%? Where's the other 2%?" or "Great goal, but you almost missed it." I mean, come on, does he ever just chill? 🏆

I try to stay positive, keep my head up and all that, but man, it's like he's constantly moving the goalpost. It's like no matter how fast you swim, the other side of the pool just keeps getting farther away. I feel like I'm living in this hyper-competitive video game where the other player is unbeatable because they control the settings. "You can always do better, son," is practically his motto, but where does it end? Ever tried telling someone how you feel, only to have them twist it around until you're the bad guy? That's my dad. It's a psychological basic that unmet validation can lead to self-doubt, and oh boy, do I have a PhD in self-doubt. But does he acknowledge it, even when there are studies backing it up? Like I’m the one with the emotional IQ problem here.

But, you know what? I refuse to play his game forever. I've read tons of stories about people who’ve risen above similar situations. Mind over matter, right? I’ve started keeping a journal where I jot down my accomplishments, the things that I’m proud of; and—believe it or not—it actually helps. It's this odd sort of mental hack, I suppose. Almost like I'm training myself to be resilient, you know? Some say, "This too shall pass," and I’m beginning to believe it. Have you ever felt that little spark of hope that insists things will change? It's like having a secret weapon, and maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to push through. So, tell me, have you ever felt trapped in a cycle that's beyond your control? How'd you break free? Because I’m all ears for stories of hope and resilience.

i’m twenty, in the middle of my university studies, and i still have at least three years before i can even think about finishing. i’ve been with my boyfriend for just two months now, and while things are going well between us, there’s this quiet but constant fear in the back of my mind that won’t go away. we’re not using any kind of contraception, which i know is incredibly irresponsible, but every time i think about bringing it up, i hesitate. it’s not that i think he would react badly — actually, he’s pretty understanding — it’s just that there’s this weird shame and discomfort around the subject for me. maybe i feel like talking about it would break the illusion that we’re just enjoying the moment. but what if enjoying the moment turns into a lifetime responsibility? i think about how a single decision or a single mistake could change everything i’ve planned for. i have goals, i have a future i’m working hard for, and the idea of pregnancy right now feels like it would dismantle all of that. i don’t hate the idea of being a mom someday, not at all, but right now it’s terrifying. do others my age feel this constant weight too?

i try to stay calm and rational, but my anxiety has been building up every time my period is even a day late. i read into every minor symptom — a slight cramp, a bit of nausea, even just being more tired than usual — and my mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario. it's like i become hyper-aware of my body, overanalyzing everything it does. i find myself googling terms like "implantation bleeding" or "early pregnancy signs" in the middle of the night, even when i know it’s just me being paranoid. and yet, i don’t take action. no appointment with a gynecologist, no purchase of emergency contraceptives, not even a pregnancy test unless i'm really panicking. i wonder if this passive approach is some form of denial, like maybe if i don’t confront it directly, it won’t be real. but isn’t that dangerous? am i playing with fire out of fear of confrontation or some illusion of being in control? i know the biological and emotional consequences of an unplanned pregnancy can be massive, and yet i'm stuck in this cycle of fear and inaction. it’s so frustrating to know better and still do nothing. i feel like i'm failing myself somehow. 🫤

there’s also this overwhelming guilt that creeps in when i imagine the scenario actually happening. i picture myself having to tell my parents, explain to them how despite being the "responsible daughter" i always try to be, i let this happen. i picture the awkwardness of facing my professors or delaying my degree. even with my boyfriend, who i do care about, would things survive such a shift? we barely know each other on a deep level. what would co-parenting look like with someone i just met two months ago? we’re still figuring out each other’s boundaries, habits, values. how would we navigate something so life-altering without a solid foundation? and then i wonder — am i overthinking it all, or is it rational to worry this much? am i just another girl with a temporary freak-out, or is this fear justified by how unprepared and exposed i’ve allowed myself to be? i guess i’m writing this because i need to hear from someone who’s been here or is going through the same. how do you manage the fear of pregnancy when you know you’re not doing what you should to prevent it? how do you break the silence and finally take action, even if it’s just starting with a real conversation?

So it's summer and the past few school year i have been really burnt out. I got very little sleep, I could barely get out bed i was often overwhelmed and stressed out and i didn't know what to do. There are so many things I want to do this summer with the base line of wanting to improve myself and get out of burnt out. But i didn't really know how to do that. Still don't tbh. So i tried to put some good habits in my routine (waking up naturaly, no screens untill after breakfast, going to bed at around 23 or so, having breakfast outside. And in the last few days i tried to slowly add a few more like reaching my step count and reading just a few pages before bed. And a i tried 'studying' the pages i've read (highlighting and making notes mostly) just cause, no real big reason just cause i found It interessing and i wanted to. And to be fair, It felt good. I felt really good. But today, i didn't do anything in particular. And i woke up at 5 am feeling restless and anxious and like i couldn't breathe. It's currently June the 24th, 6 am, i can't sleep anymore, i feel like i can't breathe tight, everything feels upsetting and too much even going back to sleep Is too hard, but i don't know what to do about It. It just feels so horrible because I felt like this, this tired, this stuck, this horrible and anxious for years now. During and outside school time. And i was getting excited because I thought that It was finally over that this was finally It and that I was finally making progress but i am not. I'm still waking up like this and crying in the middle of the night and i this feel just as bad and i Just feel so stupid because i don't know what Is wrong with me.

at 49 years old, i've arrived at a rather unceremonious realization: nothing makes me happy. it’s strange because society programs us with a checklist for happiness, doesn’t it? i climbed the corporate ladder, securing a lucrative position as a senior executive that one could only dream of. financial security was supposed to be synonymous with contentment, or so they said. but every payday, every bonus, and every dollar accumulated in my bank account seemed to lose its luster within days. i attended countless seminars and read numerous self-help books yet the existential void within me remained unfilled. when i banked my first six-figure check, i briefly basked in what i assumed was joy. but the novelty of a swollen account balance wore off faster than i care to admit.

I figured maybe i needed something more soulful, like marriage and a family. i received talk after talk about how a loving husband and a couple of kids would complete me; “your own personal cheerleaders in this rat race!” my mother constantly reminded me. dating was a nightmare coated in fake smiles and dreadful first-date questions, which i obliged to endure. against all odds, i did marry. i am married. yet even within the once-romantic confines of what was supposed to be ‘happily ever after', i often feel as though I'm in a partnership devoid of passion and genuine connection. this supposed 'holy grail' of familial bliss feels more like treading water than anything else.

having a home with a white picket fence painted the picture of the quintessential american dream i bought into it: lock, stock, and barrel. talk about a classic case of bait and switch; i found myself obsessing over the curb appeal and interior aesthetics, contemplating if a new sectional in the living room would spark joy. but let me tell you, there is no depth or warmth to hardwood floors that compensates for an empty, echoing house. similarly with cars – the gleaming metal beasts parked strategically in the driveway as status symbols – all nothing more than shiny cages on wheels. behind the tinted windows of my latest luxury car, the road ahead feels as mundane as stepping onto a public transit bus.

are these the metrics by which we should measure our happiness? it is almost cruel how these societal benchmarks – job, marriage, possessions – are willed to us as recipes for happiness, when instead they align more with a cycle of perennial dissatisfaction. why do we perpetuate this fallacy? often, i catch myself longing for the present moment to end as quickly as it began, as if i am perpetually waiting for a revelatory experience that never arrives. “chase after this, achieve this, by forty you’ll be settled,” they said; when in reality, here i am with these supposedly gratifying possessions yet feeling no different than the restless, aspiring 20-year-old who began this relentless pursuit. tell me, what am i missing in this equation? should I try to completely change my job for something that i love? (but no idea... what could I love as a job...)