Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 3

Vent cause I Need to get this out of my head. I am really sorry for falling behind in school and tests, and being dead weight and making 10 out of 11 people in my classroom hate my guts. But the past three months have been absolute hell. I've gotten stranded in the middle of road, in winter, three times. Have been sick and grieving twice. And Just anxious and overworked in general. I won't ever tell them that cause I do know it's also my fault. Cause I can't get It together. I just can't. I've tried. A lot of everything for almost 6-ish years now, being dead-tired, overwhelmed and anxious. I don't do It on purpose and I hate being dead weight but this Is just the best i can do right now. Sometimes none of the things I try work. And I end up where i am right now, sick, dead tired and with a test tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'll probably survive. 🤧

omg guys, can i just say, i am over the moon right now! i swear my heart literally does a little dance every time i think about him. you know that feeling when everything feels right and you can't stop smiling? that's me! i met this guy two months ago, and honestly, it's like we just click on every level possible. he's not just sweet and caring, but also super funny and just gets me, you know? every conversation feels like we're sharing our own little world; it's amazing.

we started talking at this small gathering, and it felt like we just unconsciously gravitated towards each other. it was so natural and comfortable that we were inseparable for the rest of the night! he's been sooooo nice, I can't even believe my luck sometimes. and it's not just that mushy stuff either. he's pushed me to be a better version of myself, and i truly feel blessed and grateful to have him in my life. i know it's only been a couple of months, but it feels like we've known each other forever. is this how fairy tales start? everything just seems brighter and more colorful, and i just want to sing hellos to all the world!

anyway, i hope you all are doing amazing as well! ever felt like this before? it's like I'm back in high school with butterflies and spontaneous giggles! it makes me wonder how life surprises you when you least expect it, and it's thrilling. i'm grateful for these moments, where happiness seeps into every mundane part of my day, transforming the ordinary into something magical. life just doesn't seem real right now, and i can't wait to see where this journey's gonna take us. sending virtual hugs and hellos to everyone reading this. tell me, what's making you smile today?

I've low-key been doing okay but not as okay as I think I should be. I don't know how to come to terms with my morality, it's like I'm either terrified of dying or look forward to it. Looking forward to it means less anxiety but at the same time...it makes life feel like a video game or not all that real. I feel like my peers live life and view it through a human lense, as corny as that sounds, idk how to describe what I've been feeling. Like, whenever I see people's deaths, I don't see it as this sad thing that it used to be in my mind, instead, I see it as them finally resting because I see life as exhausting, work? I don't wanna do that, dreams within social groups? Bleh, thinking about try future? Also ew, just shoot me instead.

There are many ways people live it, life, right now? I've been here, watching people play visual novels video games, I could do that for the rest of my life, I could let it take up a lot of my time and life in general. I enjoy it but there's apart of me that knows I should move forward in my young adult life. I wish I didn't think this deeply and had a normal mind where death, and morality aren't such a huge concept in my mind. I could die any momment but as of rn, I would be okay with that. Am I actually just passively suicidal? I mean I know what that feels like but idk, this feels more like... comforting, I don't wanna keep having this anxiety over something I can't even fucking control so I chose not to and it works, but this also leaves me feeling like what I said early, viewing life as not real. Maybe I just need people I can talk to more.

I'm feeling lost because of the big adult things I'm supposed to be doing. It's complicated, my parents and me. I'm graduating high school this year, people expect me to be excited but I'm homeschooled and like everyone cheated, including me, even when I dont, it's still whatever. So..my dad spent like 700 on my graduation gear, he's low-key rich and also a women beater, he's done many horrible things and would treat you like you shit if you aren't as shitty as he is so I don't feel bad.

My parents are both homophobic and transphobic but my dad is way way worse, he's already called me a sissy and threatened me and thinks I'm a lesbian or bisexual. I mean I am a transguy and gay. My mom's has literal queer friends and thinks like queer family members are misguided and need help, she thinks trauma causes it, ngl she's very sweet about it and not condensing. It's weird tho becuz my parents are supportive in a career and school way, financially(aka Dad's money), they are willing to pay for the school I go to, buy me a car, help me choose this or that, whatever I wanna do or go, I can do that and they'll help me. They're still traditional tho so no "men jobs". My parents have many rulesz, it's like having privileges but it ends at wearing a skull band shirt because it's demonic.

I have no idea on what to do, let's say I just go along with my parents, I take up their offer and go to technical school for whatever, i wouldn't really be able to be myself...like wtf would even be the point of living? My dad would probably take away any funding if he found out. Should I really risk that being a possibility? My plan was just to finish high school, get driver's license soon, get a job. I haven't thought far because I feel this path requires more work as I would probably be on my own, I could not be tho..idk, depends on how my parents react. I wonder if I should come out after getting my job...they would be really negative about it. I don't get how people's parents allow them to just work and not being down their neck asking "okay but what's next? Are you going to school? Are you gonna keep doing this and for how long? You need a plan" The reason I have the job is to have somewhere else to go, so I can come out and not have to deal with any negativity I get from parents, ideal.

Maybe I shouldn't even be trying to do all this on my own, maybe I need help or a support group. It's not like I live in some big city where I have many options for help or anything else I need. I live in the bum fuck no where south, small town but there's a decent amount of diversity here.

Thanks to anyone who reads this, I appreciate you <3 Remember that you are valuable 🖤🩷

6 months ago I finally told my therapist my dads been inappropriately touching me, CPS was called police etc. and ofc no one believed me. My mom says I misunderstood it. I’m overreacting. But she said if I was uncomfortable I could move out, so I did. I was “homeless” or couch surfing for a month and a half, now I have an apartment with a roommate. For three months I refused to see my dad, and then my sister guilt tripped me into seeing him saying I was tearing apart our family and I was being dramatic. But I am mentally falling apart seeing him, and I’m building up a grudge against other people that I love and I’m sick of feeling this way and idk what to do. Do I cut him out completely? Do I go to family gatherings and just ignore him? Our family has always been close, I don’t want to lose the ppl I love idk what to do…

My parents keep discouraging me and telling me I have no future if I keep drawing, along with giving me threats that they would just let me die and disown me. Then they proceed to ask why I never tell them fucking anything like isn't it obvious? I wanna just kill myself at this point. What's even the point in life when im gonna die in the end anyways.

i swear ive been having like the most SHITTY week possible, i went on a disney trip which was obviously awesome but, i didnt get to do the things i wanted to do AND i cried three times. Not to mention my mom yelled at me because i didnt remember to do my chores the DAY I GOT BACK. Then on monday i woke up, wasn't motivated enough to brush my teeth or wash my face and i felt like a fucking fatass while eating breakfast and left the house late. I got a fucking 50 on my ELA quiz and im so behind on work because of the disney trip. While i was at school, during lunch my friend congragulated himself for not misgendering me when THAT SHOULD BE THE STANDERD YOUVE KNOWN ME SINCE SEPTEMBER AND STILL CALL ME A FUCKING GIRL. Then at recess two of my friends were literally screaming the whole time and i got a really bad headache and one of them screamed right in my face so i yelled at them both to "shut the fuck up for literally five seconds" because i was so overstimulated and my head hurt so much. Then the other one started laughing because there was a special ed kid who heard me curse and went "i heard that yknow," which wouldv'e been funny in ANY OTHER FUCKING SITUATION. And then after i blew up at them they proceeded to ignore me then started again with the screaming. My other friend, who was probably trying to comfort me, touched my foot, WHICH BY THE WAY IS LITERALLY MY ONLY FUCKING BOUNDARY TO NOT TOUCH MY FEET OR MAKE FEET JOKES AROUND ME. It sounds so fucking stupid but back in 5th grade i was sexually assaulted by my older brother. Literally my ONLY boundary btw. So i got mad at her but i knew she was just trying to help. The rest of my school day was much nicer but when i got home i got yelled at a bunch by my mom for forgetting my chores n shit. then i started just chilling for the rest of the day and had a lot of fun talking to my friends, enjoying the company of others right? then i looked in this server im in full of some, weird people. Noted that there was a confessions channel added recently and the mods didnt set it up so they could see submissions. I was just looking for it for fun, maybe to get a laugh or smth THEN I SAW THIS DISGUSTING FUCKING PAGE OF FEET JOKES. LITERALLY THERE ARE ONLY TWO RULES IN THAT SERVER AND ONE OF THEM IS NO FEET JOKES. i genuinly felt sick to my stomach and turns out one of the ppl making the feet jokes was not only the server owner but also literally the one person who always remembered my boundaries. i am so SICK and TIRED of being ignored, forgotten, and not cared about in general. I genuinly just want to die atp.

I panicked a bit for myself and others in Abu Dhabi because apparently a bomb was dropped there, as well as to Saudi, Kuwait, Qatar and all GCC countries except Oman, and the place the missile was gonna hit was the Al Dhafra Air Base, which is a 30 minute drive from the ADNEC, which is where the MEFCC will take place on April. As of now, only 1 person is recorded to be dead, because the missile got intercepted but debris fell around the area. I was panicking a bit because I didn't want my event to get cancelled from this and for the people who live in Abu Dhabi as well, but yeah, 1 person here is still kinda bad and I hope no more people died and damage was very less. Also I think some countries like Bahrain, Kuwait and maybe Saudi Arabia also intercepted, but I'm not too sure. Plus, one of my dad's colleagues in Abu Dhabi reported he heard loud noises and told him about it. And this crap happened after my birthday. Seriously? I'm glad it didn't attack here because I'd be dead, my family would be dead, and that's bad, and even in Abu Dhabi with 1 guy it's still bad. Why does Iran wanna attack all GCC nations, except Oman (why?), and why does USA also wanna escalate wars and all that? Sometimes they gotta accept they can't fix everything. They couldn't fix the Vietnam War, and even in the final act of 1945, they killed way more people than expected, and created a new evil that people can misuse in the future, the atomic bomb, which if Trump or any other country he's fighting with gets too cocky, it could be dropped. I don't want my home to be in war! I wanna dress up as Joseph and do well in exams to make it better and maybe make my year of being 14 better, not whatever this is!

Worse news, it hit Dubai. It didn't hit my home or near Bur Dubai, but it hit City Walk a few km away from my home, near Burj Khalifa. It hit JLT, and it hit near Jebel Ali. It wasn't missiles, they were drone planes, and I'm even more nervous. For my life outside and how my exams will go in school due to this. Even worse, in Kuwait, their airport is DESTROYED. Dad says we may have to do school, work and all that at home for a bit, and my mom says hopefully we recover fast enough to continue normally with no issues for a while, I complete my exams and pass, and I go have a week-long break and have fun in April with no bombs. I don't know anymore, and again, why all this after my birthday!?? There are videos. What did UAE even do with Iran, Israel and USA? We're such a small country! Oh man, I wanna be a kid, and already with my (probably) anxious neurodivergent mind, this made it worse.

Because of the stuff that happened in UAE and because of the fact when trying to draw like Hirohiko Araki, since I love his style so much, I end up making very very slow progress, I drew a picture of Egon napping while hugging Slimer, because 2 years ago, I was in my RGB era, and I drew the boys, Janine and the proton packs so much I kinda mastered the style to be close enough to be tolerated (anyways RGB's art style keeps changing across EPISODES, not even across parts like JJBA and that's an intentional choice), and Egon was (and is) my favorite buster, so naturally, it felt to draw him after a while. Seriously, in my previous sketchbooks, he's there in A LOT of art. Even though RGB does have a semi-realistic style, compared to JJBA, it's way simpler.

The UAE now gave a mail that we gotta be careful and school is from home from March 2-4. So exams are delayed...Man what am I gonna do now? How do I go to tuitions? How are my exams gonna be affected? I legit had to sleep in the same bed as my parents with my brother as well, because the alert gave it that and we all instinctively agreed to do so. I'm fine now, but eh, sleeping with family isn't so bad. Sleeping with my brother in the same bed...DON'T. This man kicks me every time, and when we were younger, I had insomnia because of this turd. Good thing sleeping next to mom is fine. And now we anyways sleep on separate beds, so my brother can kick the wind instead of me. I have 3 days off from school, or at least online-learning. Do I study from home and not join meetings, because we're anyways revising. Also, still, we need to talk about the bigger elephant in the room, HINDI. Oh man, I have to do answers, lots of grammar, paragraph writing, letter writing, picture writing, and a full unseen passage. This sucks even more because I hate Hindi, I feel awkward speaking it because it's more broken than asbestos wool, and it's difficult to understand. Man, even my parents think this is more difficult than when they learnt it 30 years ago, bruh. Good thing in 9th grade I'm not doing it, but with everything else I'm worried about plans changing. I'm worried about the situation, the whole missile and drone issue, seriously today when we went grocery-shopping, less people were there, and in nearby restaurants they were empty. My home could be in war soon.

I'm losing more hope. More drones and debris are falling everywhere, and dad jokes and even suggested that we go to India and stay for A FEW MONTHS when the flights open, and now I'm starting to think 9th grade, MEFCC, going out, it's not gonna happen. My home will burn down, I'll study in India forever, my figurine collection would be useless now, there was no point for even buying the boots for Joseph, and there's no point studying. Screw passing exams, I'm probably not even gonna live. My friends are hearing bombs outside, people are leaving here. Who knew I'd only live till 14? Screw the people who told me the world ending isn't impossible, it is! Come on, studying won't fix anything. Being alive won't fix anything. I didn't expect this after my birthday and yet this happened. I hate others who say my "negative thinking" is bad, when really it's my sixth sense. I knew I should've planned to figure out how to destroy everything I loved a year back. Look at everything. My dad said MEFCC won't even happen and that it doesn't exist. What if it's a construct of my mind back in January to make me happy? We as humans make things in our head that seems real, it's called a Placebo Effect. Freud's Id, if you will. The principle the brain wants instant gratification of selfish desires, it wants a feel-good thing NOW. Our minds are powerful, at least in this planet. To achieve peace, to ascend, we must shed all of these desires. What if this event is a test of my ascension abilities? We need to find infinity, strive for infinity, so we can shed all our human burdens and be happy, reach nirvana. So far there's no news about the con, but it doesn't matter. I'm 14, smack into Freud's Genital Stage, where I must call other people to finally preach this happy view.

I clearly can't be happy for long anymore. Clearly I've heard from grownups and movies that say as you grow older, joy simply grows so small, you forget what being happy is. When you're older, you do get worse. Everything starts to suck. You get less happy. My home is getting droned now. I. Hate. Myself. I. Believe. Nirvana. Is the answer. I should first kill myself to ascend, have nirvana.

im 14 years old, and a queer with mental health issues and my mom doesn't understand that. im so done with her she keeps telling/calling me these annoying things, like she keeps telling me im boring, have no sense of humor, dramatic, no fun , etc and when I snap and say im not like that or that I have a different personality depending on who im with, suddenly im being a bitch. It’s so annoying cuz she calls me all these things and expects me to be ok with it and it’s so goddamn rude. At this point idk what I actually am like cuz she’s constantly telling me what im a terrible and boring wimp. She acts like she knows everything about me, then when I say she doesn’t know me at all (cuz she hardly does) she gets mad I just wanna tell her im gay but she always makes fun of the first time I came out and it just ugh. It’s so annoying and today I was talking about pjo and she laughed cut me off and was like “omg it’s always Percy jackson with you! Its like your only personality trait” like ik I talk about Percy jackson hoe its my fav/main fandom no shit I talk about it a lot. Then she gets upset when I set boundaries like im sorry I dont enjoy being told im a weird dumb nerd who cant do anything right, ik I am a nerd and I am weird but I dont wanna hear about that 24 fucking 7. I also hate it when she interrupts me and constantly tell her I hate it when she does that, but she never listens or learns, I get it she had a bad childhood and was treated badly by her mom but just cuz I vaguely act like her doesn't mean you can lass out at me you TEENAGE KID. I get it I make mistakes a lot and have a hard time with stuff and shit but goddamn I dont need a life fuckimg lecture about your fucking childhood and how im so lucky cuz I dont get beat, like ho im your kid and saying "your lucky cuz I dont hit you" is fucking crazy

so my ex dumped me a few days ago and the next day turned around and said it wasn't them it was their friends who dumped me (background: we have dated before they were poly i wasn't comfortable with that so I ended things they said they had stopped seeing the other person so we got back together only for me to find out they were still seeing the other person so I ended it again) so basically the day I got dumped i went to go hang out with them at lunch and they said they weren't free so I walked away thinking nothing of it except they couldn't hang out. I was planning on walking into town in the place I live to get a mother's day present. when I approached the bridge into town one of they're friends approached me and said they didn't want to be with me anymore and all I could say was okay bc I was too hurt to anything else. I then text my ex (partner at the time) and ask if it's true they respond with a pic of said friend with their thumbs up. I block them immediately wanting nothing to do with them ever again. the next day my now ex approaches me and says non of it is true they never wanted to break up and that we should get back together.

what should I do

So i lost a pet. A horse. A tumor, most likely, took her from us less than two days ago. Realistically i wasn't close to her. I was just a 'treat giver'. I used to ride a few years ago but I stopped a while before we even got her. Horses were HER big dream not mine anyway. SHE'S devasted. SHE'S picked up smoking again. "Only one cig" when It gets dark and SHE starts crying. I watched behind the window when they burried her. I stayed around on her last day when we were trying everything to help her. I haven't cried though. I knew was going to die. You could tell at first glance. She didn't even have the strength to get back up. But i didn't believe it. Does that make sense? To know something for certain and still refuse It? On her last few hours i was too tired and I went to bed. I set an allarm at precisely 4:00 am. Idk why. I like to wake up early I think. But that time felt like It. I thought in the morning the vet would come to help. And idk. She would Just get up and go back to being healthy and everything would be normal again. But when i woke i knew she was gone. It was too silent. The vet never came. She died during night. I knew she would die already. Her condition was too bad

She had been getting skinnier recently. And no matter what we tried she didn't couldn't put on fat. I woke up knowing she was gone. But since SHE told me i couldn't really wrap my head around it. It doesn't feel real. Like a dream. It happened fast. In the early morning she fell and didn't have the strength to get back up. And the next morning she was gone. I was close to her. But She was a normal part of life. Of family. Of routine. It's normal to see her there. A little old. Maybe a Little stupid. But there. Alive, fluffy, breathing and Gluttonous. But now she's not. She under the earth. I watched when they burried, hidden away. Honestly I hoped that it would make me cry for some reason but i didn't. I Just couldn't stop watching. I can't stop watching even now the ground that holds her body. I can't stop thinking that when i look at stable i'm gonna see her inside. She gonna be there. She should be. But She isn't. She's under the ground now. She was scared when she died. She scratched herself in the panic and she bled. Her fur was dirty. I cant stop thinking about it. I don't even know of i have the right to feel this way. I was even her owner not really. SHE was. And yet i can't think without going back to her. To her last day. To her owner's words. My stomach feels naseous. I wanna throw up. I kinda wanna cry. I think that would make feel better. I want to stop thinking. Idk what I want. I'm writing this BC i can't sleep. this Is haunting me.

firstly, thank you for all the comments on my last post! your words really helped :). here's an update. unsure if this is positive or negative? i need help with determining that.

anyway, a lot of you suggested i talk to him about it, so i did. i told him about how i felt sidelined and neglected, and i reinforced my boundaries with him. i also asked him what he thought about breaking up. because a lot of you also told me to think about whether this relationship was worth the mental war. imo, i really want this to work out, but at the same time, if he won't change i won't burden myself and i'll break up with him.

honestly, i expected him to agree. but he actually didn't want to, and even begged me to stay. he asked me what he could do to fix this, and it honestly pmo because i've told him about 4-5 times already about how i feel when he treats his FP more like a lover than he treats me. i wonder if it's my fault for not communicating it clearly, but he also confessed that he was worried he would be bothering me whenever he reached out first (because i'm in uni and stuff, so i get pretty busy from time to time).

i reassured him that i didn't mind him reaching out first, and that it actually made me really happy when he did. and he also apologised for making me feel neglected, and promised to do better. keep in mind that everytime i talked to him about this in the past, he said the same apologies and i'll do betters, but this time he sounded more desperate (maybe because i asked about breaking up?)

now he's giving me a lot of attention. which i like, but it just feels awkward if you get what i mean. it feels like this attention is only because he doesn't want to lose me. also, he told me he stopped talking to his FP, but last night i caught him calling with his FP for the entire night after telling me he couldn't go on a date with me.

i am unsure of how to go on with this situation. my friends say enough is enough and i should let him go, but i feel like sometimes he really does try and that small effort shouldn't be ignored. should i break up, should i try talking to him again or should i wait and see what happens?

So, here's the deal!!! I've been grappling with this feeling of not being attracted to anyone!!! Like, anyone at ALL!!! It's not that I've turned into some emotionless robot or lost the ability to appreciate a good Netflix series with a captivating lead actor; it's just that when it comes to the realm of attraction, I feel like I'm floating in some sort of void!!! Is there a term for this in the emotional intelligence handbook??? Maybe I missed the memo at the last group therapy session!!! The funny thing is, this isn't one of those existential crises where I ponder the meaning of life or explore the depths of some philosophical abyss - nah, it's much simpler than that and perhaps less dramatic!!! Gotta love the simplicity of life sometimes, eh???

Even when faced with the seemingly omnipresent societal pressure to "find someone special," it's like I'm holding the Hogwarts Express ticket to nowhere!!! Maybe I'm surfing through a dry spell in the emotional attraction department, or it's just that my internal radar's been jammed!!! Anyone else in the same canoe??? Because, honestly, I'm ready to trade stories like battle-hardened veterans of the romantic war zone!!! "Houston, we have a problem!", I jokingly say to myself!!! Is there a manual for this stuff, or did IKEA forget to include it with life's assembly instructions??? Yet, strangely, I'm not worried at all!!! It’s like I’ve read somewhere, "Not all those who wander are lost," a Tolkien gem!!! So, perhaps this phase, albeit perplexing, has a purpose, maybe self-discovery rather than chasing heartbeats!!! Ah well, guess I'll continue to navigate this peculiar territory like a semi-curious, half-exasperated detective until the plot thickens, bringing unforeseen revelations and maybe a snippet of insight!!! Until then, cheers to the void - it’s oddly liberating, don’t you think???

Im not too big of a writer so dont mind the grammar stuff.

I have too many thoughts going on rn. idk where to start ig ill start with my love life thoughts

I like this guy, I have had crush on this guy for like 5 yrs. ikr crazy. i don't feel like im meant to be loved. i hate thinking that about myself but i genuinely cant help it. his ex's are so pretty. they are prettier than me. they are skinnier than me. they are more confident than me. i can go on. whenever i see them, i feel jealousy(?), or idk i get mad. not at them but at myself. they didnt do anyhing wrong, they just exist and happen to at some point be his gf. im so stupid. my crush and i actually had a 1hr long convo (or idk maybe it wasnt 1hr long but it felt long). idk how the stars aligned that day. truly a miracle. we laughed alot, talked about diff things. it was fun. but u see im a bit stupid. he talks to every girl like that. and now that i think about it. that convo was just a simple convo between 2 people. he talks to his friends (who r girls). he teases them (in a way friends do). he sits with them. he plays games with them. ( its their friend group that consists fo like 4 guys and 4 girls). those girls are just normal friends to him. im good friends with those girls too (good enough that they invited me to their weddings) but im not a part of their group. i get jealous of them sometimes, seeing how he talks to them, teases them, etc. we never talked ever (except the time i told u about rn) even when we were in working in groups too. i do wish i get to talk to him again. ik we arent meant to be so ill just have fun like this. btw idk how to talk to guys ha ha ha. that could be the root of the problem.

i actually have never dated anyone. ever. ever. ive had alot of crushes but never ever talked to them. never. no one has ever confessed to me ever. no guys has ever been my friend, ever. ive friends around me in a relationship, married, getting proposals left and right. truly happy for them. i celebrated all of it with them. but idk. ig i get fomo. im studying a 5yr long degree. im about to graduate in less than a year. i shoudlve had atleat one confession, mannn. even my mother once asked me "why doesn't anyone like you?" idk man. i really dk. maybe im just not meant to be loved and i think im accepting that slowly.

ik people say all that fun stuff like just wait, have patient. the right perosn will come when you least expect it blah blah. that stuff was comforting in the beginning, but not anymore. kinda became desensitized to it.

sometimes i just sit and wonder, why on earth do i keep pushing people away? like, seriously, it's maddening. i've got a bunch of pals, some even from way back in childhood, you know. but then, one day i just wake up and suddenly, poof, I've vanished into thin air, hiding from everyone. what's up with that? we're all human, right? it just doesn't make any sense. i mean, it's not like i don't enjoy chilling with them, sharing a good laugh or grabbing a pizza from that cool joint we all love. on the contrary, those are the moments you live for, aren't they? yet, despite all the fun times, i still find myself creeping back into my solitary shell. maybe it's something about feeling exposed or vulnerable? or is it the overwhelming pressure of maintaining connections? ugh, who knows.

just the other day, my friend max was like, "dude, where have you been hiding? we miss you!" and i couldn't even come up with a solid answer. sure, i threw a lame excuse their way, but deep down, i know it's a load of rubbish. i'm sure some of y'all must have felt this at some point. it's like my brain has a mind of its own, deciding i'm better off alone, like some sort of hermit or something. it's a classic case of self-sabotage, isn't it? could it be fear of getting hurt or maybe just laziness? because let's face it, keeping up with social obligations can be exhausting! but when i take a step back, i have to ask myself, is the solitude really worth losing all those great people who actually care about you?🤷‍♂️

i remember reading somewhere "the hardest prison to escape is in your own mind," and boy, isn't that the truth! i know it's all in my head, but how do you break the cycle? i find myself engaged in these endless arguments with myself, tossing ideas back and forth but getting nowhere. it's like trying to solve a rubik's cube blindfolded—utterly frustrating. do any of you have the secret formula to break the spell? sometimes, i wonder if it's just a phase, like a fad that everyone grows out of, or maybe it's just who i am. but hey, there's got to be hope, right? they say, "where there's a will, there's a way," so i guess i'll just keep searching for that elusive way.

we live in a world where being social is practically part of the human condition, yet here i am fighting tooth and nail against it. is it just me, or does anyone else have that 'meh' feeling about going out sometimes? like, the couch and a good movie just seem way more appealing than a crowded bar with people you barely know. but then again, isn't balance key? i'm not advocating for a total withdrawal from the social scene, but is there a middle ground where one doesn't feel suffocated by interactions or loss at every turn? try as i might to find that sweet spot, i end up in social limbo—caught between wanting to connect and yearning for solitude;

the eternal struggle, am i right? at the end of the day, maybe the trick is admitting there's a problem and then doing something about it. they say the first step is the hardest, but once it's done, you're on your way. so here's to finding that balance and not letting life's complexities drive us into hiding. we all deserve to have those meaningful connections that make life richer, even if it means stepping out of our comfort zones every now and then. life is too short to spend it dwelling in isolation, don't you think? maybe it's time to take max up on that invite and actually show up for once. maybe changing the narrative, changing the script to finally answer this maddening question: why do i isolate myself from everyone?

I have quite the temper and I get mad at the slightest provocation okay, and everyone in my family knows that.

They love to get on my nerves and when I get mad they would say stuff like why would you fall for it, and why are you like this. Basically questioning my reaction.

I've failed to take my motorcycle license 3 times if I'm not wrong. The first time I failed I've only driven a motorcycle three times. She rushed me to take the test because my cousin was ready to take it. We took it together. My cousin already knew how to ride long before me and I learned on the first day. When I failed and he passed my mom wouldn't talk to me. same as the other 2 failure.

I didn't want to continue because it's a waste of money if I keep failing. Now she wants me to take a car license and I don't want to. Everyone kept on making fun of me and said stuff that offended me. I got mad and didn't want to talk back because I didn't want to scream and shout like I did before. (I'm on a journey to change) Now I would isolate myself from others when I'm mad to cool myself down. But they don't like that either sheesh.

After that I was brushing my teeth in the kitchen and my sister asked me to move because she needed something from the rack above the sink. I did then she went away so I continued to brush my teeth and suddenly she shoved my face with her arm. I asked what her problem was and she just said I told you to move.

okay at that point I was already overstimulated with all the things going on and she just had to make it worse. and I'm on the verge of just lashing out at everybody. Please I need advice on anything that I can do to keep a calm composure