Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 99

At this point, I don't know what to do. I just want help, school is really getting to me, and it makes me feel like I'm pathetic or something. My family thinks it's just cause I'm lazy, and don't want to do the work, but I'm really just trying to deal with my mental health at the moment and it feels like it's only getting worse. I really just want help, and don't want to go to school, I end up crying every morning because of it, I don't have friends, and I realized I get distracted in class by how much people are in the room and can't help but feel like everyone talks behind my back, or looking at me. This probably takes place from when I got bullied in elementary school, they all talked behind my back, and I had to sit outside beside the classroom while they were talking about me, right beside me. I thought giving one of them money would make them closer to me but she ended up being the one that started talking behind my back first. I started homeschooling because of it, for a couple years, and moved to a different school. I don't know what to do with me life, I can't help but feel no one gaf about me, and they'll only care if I'm gone. I have lots of trouble making friends, and interacting with people, I have one person who makes me feel seen, and like they care, he's super sweet, he makes me feel like a person, and makes me wanna become a better person. But for now I don't know what to do. It's the same cycle, where I end up in a really depressed sate for a whole week, then feel better, then depressed all over again, I just want help

I'm 22, a guy. I've had 5 proper friendships in my life.

First and second one in school, after I moved states. They lasted around 10 years until I got into a relationship. They hated my boyfriend, so I got ghosted and blocked everywhere.

Third was a girl in the city i live in now, after I moved out from my parent's house. We got along until she got more and more toxic. She was 18 at the time, she acted like a spoiled 13 year old. Insulted, bullied and humiliated others. I quit that frie4ndship. She stalked me for 9 months.

Fourth was with an ex of mine, after a year of being apart we got to talk again. He's a nice guy. I adore him, in a very platonic way. He's been ghosting me for 2 months now for no reason.

Last one just broke apart today. A friend of 6 years told me about his struggles. I've been there for him for weeks now since he was feeling bad, but i ran out of tips and tricks. Ran out of solutions, so i simply suggested he'd go back to his therapist, that's what she's there for after all. He ignored me for the day and then started insulting me, calling me names, and much worse. I blocked him.

22 years. and not a single lasting friendship because all people turn out to hate me, ghost me or be toxic. I'm giving up on friendship.

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

I, 14F, live in a household with my dad, 52M, and my little brother, 11M, who suffers from developmental disabilities (one of the types of autism). My sister, 19F, has moved away for university. Both my sister and I agree that getting away from our family by graduating is the best and most pacifistic solution. Growing up, my mom (I don't remember how old she was and is) was both physically and mentally abusive. She left a lot of issues for me to handle. Technically, she is the reason why I hate myself, body and soul, in this day and age. I found myself at 9 years old, begging my dad to divorce my mom, thinking that everything would be over. Guess what? My dad had to see his father dying from COVID-19, and TWO WHOLE MONTHS LATER, after lots of incidents, he filed a restraining order and a divorce. Of course, he had to see his children crying and begging him on their feet to do it. Yeah, of course, I had to see my newly bought clothes by my godmother with scissors because my mom and godmother/aunt were beefing at that time. Of course, my mom had to pull me by the shirt and drag me upstairs because she found me eating at my aunt's when she refused to cook for a whole week. I was just thankful that my mom would go away. Long story short, the court drives weren't amazing. The judges would side with my mom and use false information against us. I was just a kid, and the judge was treating me like a middle-aged criminal. Anyway, people started seeing the truth, and my dad won custody of all three kids. We live in a small village therefore everything is easily shared. Today, my dad is kind of... overprotective. Which eventually becomes unnecessarily annoying and very disturbing. I never actually had a boyfriend until I met Kanye on Instagram. He is three years older than me. I've been rejected twice (to be honest, kind of harshly since the last guy threw my card to someone I hated because they made dirty jokes about me and then said that I'd probably have a chance with the dirty guy instead), and I didn't give much thought because I liked him. We were in a relationship for two and a half months. Until my dad found out and went berserk. He deleted my Instagram accounts and blocked all my apps on my phone through parental control. I eventually broke up with Kanye because my dad threatened to fly to Kanye's home country and file a restraining order against him. I had to break up with the one guy I could talk freely about my situation without being judged and the only guy that loved me for me and not for my talents to brag about. I'm seriously debating life at this point. Kanye kept me alive. Now Kanye has to go. What's left? Nothing. What does my dad do to help? Make everything worse. "I don't have a favorite kid," he says as he suggests that my brother will use MY PHONE to watch YouTube because my brother's phone was out of battery. Yeah, okay, my brother has autism, I respect that. But god damn it. If you're going to use it like that, you're just not cool. I have trouble waking up because even my nightmares are better than this. I can't even pick up my ass to do basic things like shower or eat. But in my dad's mind, I'm just lazy. I don't want to keep living at this point. As my mom once said, "It should have been you instead of my miscarriage the year before your birth". Man, I know, it really should have.

I thought that my brother was favored over me. My parents, my grandparents, and even my relatives. Now, it seems like I'm right. I felt horrible after all the years I spent trying and trying to get them to look at me. But who thought that he would bring me more trouble? It all started when my brother started to fight and yell at my parents when he hit puberty. I guess I'm more sensitive to sounds or conflicts since I was crying every night they fought. I just hated all the noise and the words that they spat out at each other. I didn't say a single word to my parents because I feared I would make them angrier. I said everything I felt to my friends, which later caused them to distance themselves. I was too naive to know that they were just young kid like me, not a therapist. After about 2 years of all the noise, I finally told my father I couldn't bear it anymore. My father was concerned after hearing about what I said, and I started to go to a nearby hospital for therapy and pills. But that didn't help. It only made me feel dull and empty, making my hands shakier. The pills didn't help at all. I started to cut myself, but I always ended up panicking and calling my dad for help. I was about 13 years old when I started that. Venting to my friends caused some trouble, and I ended up pushing everybody away from me. I was alone. After they left, I realized that I needed them more than anything. I started to leave school early or skip school for weeks. I even went into the psych ward, but only for about a month and a few weeks. However, that didn't stop my parents and my brother from yelling at each other. I was barely surviving. I spend the next 3 years in the same situation. Now, I'm a high school student in my country, with nothing much being different. A few days ago, my brother got into one of the top-rated universities here. This holiday was a living hell for me. He was smiling and bragging like an idiot. I hate him. How could he be so egoistic when he had torn my life into pieces? I had to go through all of that. I had to lose the people I loved the most, hurt myself, and think that everything happened because of me, like he said. I was a fool to notice that my brother was the problem. I can't even hate him because there's a stupid part of me that's saying that I shouldn't. Only because he's my brother. Because he's family. Even when he doesn't treat me like I'm his younger sister or like a person that's equal to him. I wish I was never here. I wish I wasn't his sister or my parent's daughter. I wish I could be somebody else.

My brain tells me I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy. It has been like this for a long time. I know its not rational but it doesn't stop it from feeling true and interfering with my life. For example, I impulsively subscribed to a dating app, I guess because I was lonely and wanted a connection. Anyway I've started chatting to this guy who is really lovely. The healthy and rational part of me would like to see where this goes, but my brain is telling me I don't deserve to be a relationship so I should break it off. I think soon I'm going to break and just ruin this opportunity for myself. I guess its also unfair of me to begin dating when I'm still struggling with this thought process. Plus I have hated myself for as long as I can remember, and as the saying goes, you can't expect someone to love you when you can't love yourself. I don't know what to do.

So I had a surgery 2 weeks ago and since then I keep struggling with complications such as choking and hiccuping specially hiccuping it doesn't stop 24/7 which is ruining my life

There's really no good categories on this things, so I had to pick the closest one.

Today is Mom. Feb. 3, 2025.

My comments/story will probably not make any sense, and it'll probably be a bit all over the place but just bare with me.

Giant unopened lotuses, shrouded in a shadow. Me sorta floating above them. Then I crash through some thick curtains. There's people there. It kinda looked like a grocery store. I was looking at a cookie container with 2 cookies. I ended up eating a purple cake. Not too sure why? I walk around. No one is around. I see that it looks like an apocalypse of some sort. But not the zombie kind. There's this giant white figure in the distance. One of my childhood friends grabs my hand and brings me to some sorta safe place. It's sorta run down, but her boyfriend/fiance was there, my former neighbors were there, and even my mom was there(which in reality, my mom passed away). Anyway, the giant figure in the distance looked like those stereotypical medieval European dragons. Large, white, and winged! It didn't seem to use fire, but it looked like it was having a child's tantrum. I then decided to go for a short walk, since it seemed far enough in the distance. I walked near a lake. I decided to sit down under a tree. Someone else was there, but I couldn't make out who. All I know is that the person next to me was a male. He said he careful and be quiet. His arm points to a certain direction. Two large hornets nests were about 7-8 feet away from us. Why dude was there, I don't know. I freaked out and ran out. Obviously I got stung a bunch of times. I wake up with my arm in a sh*t-ton of pain. No marks on my arm or anything, just sharp pain. But that's normal for me, as I feel everything in my dreams too. Like the sound of the wind, water at my feet, background chatter if there are people, the taste of food or drinks, and the feelings of both pain and pleasure. I feel everything. Which is quite annoying, since I've dreamed of getting shot once. It was very real in my dreams. I was in my mother's car, my mom got shot and got unalived, I got shot in my side and upper right arm. And when I woke up it was excruciatingly painful! Ever dreamed of being surrounded by over 1000 cats... That was one of my dreams once too, and they were so forking fluffy!! Dreams of walking along the sand and picking up a pearl. I've dreamed of a beach that wasn't covered in sand but mini pearls and the ocean was beautiful in that dream, I met a very um... Good looking mer dude in that dream, and he told me to keep a particular shell, the kind you see people blow into and it makes some sorta loud noise. But still. We met near a small archway made of stone. And another dream was more um, dark and scary. But I wasn't the experiencer in that dream, only an observer. I walked through a corridor of many different scenes. From a young blonde boy who was being tortured, to a young woman dangling from the ceiling with thick twine, to crows surrounding a man on a purple velvet couch. And there were many more, it was a pretty scary dream!!

Anyway, I gotta head to the doctors. I'll respond to previous comments from other stories I've shared later.

Bye-bye👋🏻😊!!

In the story I'll be using nicknames, im yellow and im trans masc and gay, my boyfriend will be orange and hes bisexual, his friend will be red and hes also bisexual. (side note ive only been in one other really toxic relationship)

Ive been dating my bf for not too long and ive known hes had his long distance friend who i thought would "jokingly" flirt with because red had a crush on orange but awhile ago idk what we were talking about but orange brought up poly and and said "its unfair for him because you confussed to be, im sure he wouldve befire we even met if he wasnt so shy" and when he said that it made me feel alittle weird but awhile after that when orange and me were on a phone call with red, orange brought being poly with him, ive told orange before im ok with poly just as long as its not one-sided, when he asked me on a call with red i panicked alittle and said sure because even though i really don't mind i felt alittle guilted into it because i have a hard time doing something that'll upset someone, now im stuck in a relationship or what ive been told is one, i was at his house not to long ago and orange was on a call with red, i really didnt mind it at all sense reds very sweet and if he liked me back would be a great boyfriend but he only likes orange, the whole time orange was on call with red it felt like he didn't even know i was there other than the few times he'd complain i wasnt close enough or paying too much attention to my phone even though id just be sitting there sense none of them would talk to me just each other and now I'm left with a boyfriend who talks about feeling so happy to have two loving boyfriends and talks only about red to me while im stuck with half of the affection id get from my boyfriend, a random person i cant even call my boyfriend dating my boyfriend, and a bomb dropped on me that hes purposely flirted with red even when we startes dating without even knowing if id be comfrtable especially sense red has a crush on him. Am I a place holder or is he bored of me?

2/2/25 2:19pm TW: TALK OF SELF HARM

"I feel when i question my skin starts to burn"

"why does my skin start to burn?"

fable - Gigi Perez

I've always struggled with self imagine, how to deal with my emotions and express them in

a healthy way.

Growing up i never viewed myself as beautiful and if i did it was cause i had a full face.

Growing up i never viewed my body as beautiful either.

I learned to starve myself, but why the effort if i was going to binge? but than again i was bulimic.

I fell in love with self imagine at roughly 8? sexualizing myself to get a chance at some sort of affection

"do you send?"

It felt good to be validated to dress cute, to be looked at...they paid attention even seemed to care.

Growing up my mom was an addict, she'd often choose her male partners over me, never cared about how i myself fell into addiction, how i was struggling to keep it together everyday.

I means you told me yourself you knew i was dabbling in drugs, hurting myself...hurting.

My dad had passed on earlier in my life so it was me and my half siblings.

I've come accustomed to being alone, I've grow comfortable with my own presence.

I can grow "lonely" often times, but I'd probably use the word yearning, yearning for connection more like conversation.

I often avoid people, groups, it doesn't really matter i just often seclude myself as much as possible, its like a back and forth battle between being alone and needing a spirit, in the end I'm usually alone by choice of course..

I found myself changing my appearance every week, my hair, makeup, style, opinions occasionally personality.

i wish i could explain myself fully, thoroughly, i need to be understood at least once i need to be heard even seen.

Eventually i thought i had tried everything, and well of course i wasn't satisfied i will never be. I'd learned what self harm was and so i had began from fifth grade to last year, I'm proudly clean though its a daily struggle to push the thoughts and urges away, I'm clean.

To feel the blade against my skin, the world seem comfortably quiet as my heart slows and my worries fade until due time.

I fallen in love with the pain the beauty of my scars. Actively engaging in self harm while being surrounded by people struggling with the same issue was difficult, i felt competitive and envious of people who had "better look scars" than mine, deeper ones, i wanted so badly to be validated to be loved thoroughly.

When i think back to those years i feel overwhelming with sorrow, i wish i had a me those years ago i needed me more than i needed anybody and yet all i could offer myself was cruel treatment and hurtful words. i didn't think I'd make it to 18, yet here i am in the flesh.

I have grown so much as a spirit and yet the only person who may care, who fully knows is me. Sometimes i forget I'm somebody too a being with opinions, motives, thoughts, and feelings.

I'm learning how to love what i see to accept it...me utterly.

I've developed a mindset, i have no competition, not in a "everyone else is ugly" type of way but i simply have no one to compare myself to.

On another note not only have i grown, so has me and my moms relationship, it started with her getting clean.

basically in the little group i hang out with at school since over a year ago, theres this girl that i get along with but i didnt see her as anything more than a friend until like october of 2024 when i started having a little crush on her.

a while after that, i was at one of the friends' birthday party and we were hanging out and the girl in question tells me 'are u into girls? i asked Friend3 about you a while ago cause youre kinda cute but she didnt know either...' and i was so caught off guard that i just nodded along like she said something completely normal and then i crashed out when i got home 😭😭

im super avoidant and sometimes when i know i will run into her at school i take a completely different route or just stay in class the entire break..

sometimes i feel like she's flirting with me but idk if she really is because she liked one guy for a really long time but shes p much over him now.

its rare for me to have crushes and its honestly overwhelming me.. i havent told any of our other friends because im so scared she wont like me back and its gonna be embarrassing..

i sometimes make excuses to text her or talk to her and it seems to me like shes also happy to talk to me but since were both girls its hard to tell when shes flirting or when shes just joking.

Today, after days and years of unknowingly dealing with the worst yet the most trusted people in my life, I've decided once again to just let go of my attachments towards them. I don't know, I wouldn't want to call them my parents anymore but I guess this is almost a small letter to them. I will not say sorry, because everything happened, not because of me but because of them carelessly making me. I may have grown into a "bad" person but I belive I've had enough. Because of this, I don't know how I'll ever get to go to college. Eitherway, I will try to learn making a business, maybe through digital products. If all else fails, I'll just either become a nun or convert to Buddhism and become a monk. I may not be heavily religious but I do believe in spirituality..does that make sense? To me, a God does exist, but it all jsut depends on us on how we view them, whether they be many or just 1. Sorry for yapping but these are my thoughts right now in living. Seriously. My dream for getting a "great" and "amazing" education is over. It was never my first dream so I guess it's been short lived. Instead, I can finally have chances to actually try other risky jobs..like journalism..the arts.. Film..all expensive if I had to take courses in uni for them but if all I can definitely jsut into any of these fields and still survive. Wow.. Life can take you anywhere, and I'm afraid I might even become dirt poor if I'm not too careful.

lately ive realized that i avoid opening up to the people around me about my mental state and it has been damaging my relationships (duh). ive been dealing with trauma from an SA that happened a long time ago that i just recently came to terms with and in doing so, i relapsed in smoking. (i had been smoke free for a year and a half)

i feel like my friendships lack depth.

i just recently opened up to my mom about the SA and the smoking and was pleasantly surprised with how loving and understanding she was and how i no longer felt like a stranger to my own mother, so im wondering if maybe i should open up to my friends more.

my dad passed away one year ago and a half and i realized that if my friends hadnt seen that on my mom's facebook, i would have probably never even told them that my dad passed.

i used to struggle with SH in the past and when coming to terms with the SA, i relapsed but only once (since i chose smoking over SH because i thought it would harm me less). i have visible scars on my thighs and left wrist. (the ones on my wrist are 2 years old but they were deep so theyre visible) they're not wounds anymore, they're quite literally scars. my skin is very pale and the scars are noticeable. thats why im often dressed in baggy, oversized clothes even in summer. now that i think of it, i dont think my friends every saw my arms, or any other part of my body other than my head and my hands.

im just so closed off to anyone around me and it pisses me off, but im so scared of being perceived as vulnerable or weak. all i do is smoke cigarettes and (p rarely i will admit) weed and shut up about my problems.

i was just reflecting on why i feel so isolated from everyone and why all my friendships lack depth and i think this is it.

2/2/25 3:19am

I have so much to say although no understanding of where to start.

Recently I've become overwhelmed with a sense of boredom, somber, longing, pain, etc.

I've been thinking about my father, what would it be like to have a relationship with him

to have cherish-able memories of him, instead I'm left with nothing maybe a few pictures

even with 2yr old me in his arms. You know i didn't realize how much having a dead father

would affect me or if it had a take on me at all, it does. Every moment of everyday I'm left with

thoughts such as "if he was here what would be different?" "though he's dead is he proud of me?" "do you love me still? after all of my mistakes, wrong doings, lessons?"

I feel sick each time i talk to her about it, my mother... I remember one time i had brought him up

i had said i missed him but you know, she misses him more because that was her first love her soulmate, i was just a baby i didn't have anything, not a clue.

I lost my dad but she lost her soulmate, i refuse to argue or to even bring it up i don't even bring up his name anymore, what's the point? nothing is going to change and I'll never get what i need...what i need.

I feel guilty, sick, torn. I have Tim, Tim is like my father...the one i never had right....

he's been around since i was a baby took the parental role when my dad died.

I feel sick yearning for my dad when i have him, Tim.

I feel disgusted with myself entirely, i have an increasingly difficult time reaching out to anyone

family, friends. Papa, Tim he lives by himself my mom and brothers were with him at some point but he's alone now

he does so much for everyone and i wish i could be there with him so he'd never discover what loneliness is.

My mom and papas relationship is complex, honestly not my business and i don't wanna go on a full lore drop about our timeline, maybe another night.

It had seemed the day papa came home years ago, found my mom with an other man he left and nothing has been the same. For a long time things seemed to go down hill, maybe because i haven't taken my meds in two months that i feel like this. I dislike that i still get emotional over things i thought i healed from, but why am i lying? i know i haven't healed matter of fact i don't know how or where to start or if it's even possible, will i feel like this, think like this forever?

will i always struggle so hard? will i always need artificial happiness?

Some thing's I've realized over these few years is that I'm not tims daughter, i never will be, he accepts me cause I'm not the "ghetto hood rat" black girl I'm "whitewashed" apparently. they've worked to destroy and invalidate my skin color and culture, I've learned I'll never have a true significant meaning to any of my family because of different in every aspect, I'm the black sheep in a field of grey and i have to learn to be okay with that.

I know this is a drastic topic change but universe please give me a knowing sign, i need something I'm hurting so bad and i don't understand. I don't wanna be mean and quick to anger anymore...i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. I'm so sorry.

I need help so bad.

I feel like vomiting i haven't been eating much recently, pushing back tears, i feel so pathetic i can't show my feelings to anyone without feeling sick and it seems that nobody likes me, what's wrong with me? am i annoying maybe to much or even not enough? why? why does nobody like me? am i not interesting or worth anyone's time? am i not deserving?

I wanna hurt myself it feels so good, so familiar its been a habit since i was 10 and i don't know if i can stay clean much longer.

Although I'm hurting and shit i can acknowledge my growth through this journey, though in some aspects I've also gotten worse or even fallen back.

I don't wanna die but fuck, it's like every time I'm suicidal it hurts so good and when I'm content and stable I'm on edge, waiting for something to happen mourning the temporary "loss" of my usual somber mindset and body language.

Its a cycle I'm slowing learning to break but sometimes i don't want to break it, i want to live in it bathe in it.

I want to tell my mom and crawl into her lap and sob till my hearts content, but no amount of crying can ease my pain, no amount of comfort, and I've learned that my problems will never sum up to anything because nothing I've been through is severe enough it'll all never be valid.

I think I'll always be this way, though i have much fortune that I'll never overlook I'll still always be this difficult, angry, and sad person who can't grasp anything, I'll always be the being who can't react without emotion and hurt.

I miss you dad

I love my best friend so much she seriously means the world to me but I just need to vent about something. Since ive met her she’s always been a very negative person. She constantly makes choices she knows she’s going to regret with money and school and men then when those choices bite her in the ass she plays the victim. Nothing is her fault and there’s always something wrong. I’ve never answered the phone and had her tell me something is going good. She used to be part of the family everyone loved her but she drove everyone crazy with her constant negativity and whining that I don’t even want to bring her around my family (That and one of her bad decisions with men was with my cousin). My 21st is coming up and I’m so scared she’s going to ruin it or turn it into a pity party, and if she does I’m scared my family is going to say something to upset her. I’ve been working on myself a lot and I’ve been so much happier lately with what I’ve been doing but talking to her brings me down a lot when all she does is complain. With anyone else on earth o would just simply talk to them but I can’t with her she’s very sensitive and everything is a touchy subject with her. I can be myself around my friends and family and I can with her but there’s many moments where I have to walk around on eggshells. I know I’m complaining about her but I really do love her she’s my best friend and we’ve been through a lot together I just needed to get this out.