Family Drama Stories

Idk i need someone to talk me out of this shit and give me advicee helpp.

So im bi and ace (happy pride monthhhh). Ive known the bi part since i was 9 but i kept hiding it and supressing it untill last year. It honestly was HORRIBLE since i hated myself for being bi, and i felt like a freak and a creep who shouldent be in girls spaces. I felt that i was invading others privacy, i hur7 myself because of it a LOT. I also study in a skl that has a LOT of homophobic students, so it made me terrified. I was also so confused and scared an i had no one to talk to.

After some time i started to get better but then almost every person i told didnt belive me. MY BROTHER HAD A PANIC ATTACK WHEN I TOLD HIM. A lot of people told me i was wrong cuz i looked straight (idk i dont think so lol). It honestly slowed down the process sm.

I always thought my parents were chill about queer stuff but when i started involving myself (like watching queer shows) they didnt like it. And then my mom told me she was an ally but belived most lgbt people were faking for attention and because straight people are a minority now. She mentioned bi girls specifically at the time so i was devastated. OFC.

But after a while when i did come out to my mom was so sweet and i was SO INSANELY happy. I started tearing up and everything and i was so relived. And then after a while (like im not kidding like a week) i started questioning if i was asexual after my friends genuanly said they wanna do it and it dosent makethem feel gross and i started researching about it and I related to A LOT of the things.

I went back to like the self hate thing and hurt1ng myself and i was terrified cuz my mom thinks asexuality is just depression. I was like forcing myself to read p0rn and stuff untill i got a fever to try and fix it.

But now that im very comfterble w being bi and kinda with being ace out of nowhere actual homophobic people. Like my grandma who is an ally said labels were made to break up families and my aunt asked if i thought it was normal. My classmates are being MORE homophobic, so is my skl. When i tried to come out to my dad he said hes a mosquito thats atracted to walruses and he should be respected. He was only nice to me after my brother outded me as bi. But still he acts kinda off and said im pushing it into people faces when i was joking about a kpop idol being my wife. And my mom didnt actually belive me about being bi and she thinks im tryinf to fit in with my friends. And i told my brother im ace (the only person in my house who actually belives im bi and respects it) and he said i was going crazy. its not like im in danger or anything, and ik other people go through way more then i am rn, but still its kinda hitting me for the first time how people can be and im so scared. Idk ig before this homophobes were just this joke thing people talk about online but their not fr idk. and i dont have any adults to talk to. Im still learning about being bi and ace and i dont have an expirienced people in my life who understand it and stuff. Im honestly kinda scared idkk

Could any queer person give me advice pls? Im kinda going insane rn

So here's the bitter truth, I lost my husband and my son in a car crash just one week ago. Yeah, it's rough and honestly, it feels like someone ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. The world keeps spinning as if nothing happened. Like seriously? Because for me, everything's just... broken.

There's this void that I can't even begin to fill. Everywhere I look reminds me of them. The empty chair at the dinner table, the unoccupied side of the bed... It's enough to make anyone lose their mind! People keep telling me how strong I am but honestly, I don't feel it. Not one bit.

And let's talk about the people who say "time heals all wounds"—cut the crap! It's been a week and every damn second is torture. I'm stuck in this loop of what-ifs and could-have-beens, replaying moments we shared over and over again trying to find some comfort in memories;

But you know what? Even with all this pain weighing me down, there's this tiny sliver of hope flickering inside. Maybe I'll never fully heal (like come on) but I've got friends sticking by my side like glue keeping me from spiraling too far into darkness... And somehow that's enough for now.

it's been tough having my son back home... i thought he'd finally turned a corner, learned his lesson after losing everything. but now i'm not so sure. he's 30, got caught up with the wrong crowd and drugs took over. lost his house, his job, even his family. moving back in with me was supposed to be a fresh start for him to rebuild. we made plans, set goals, he seemed committed. but lately i've been seeing signs that worry me... late nights out claiming he's looking for work. excuses that don't quite add up. am i just paranoid? this is all deja vu.

some days it feels like i'm living on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop!! the trust is fragile and it's nerve-wracking wondering if today is the day it breaks again!! he's managed to get small jobs here and there but nothing stable enough to help him stand alone financially yet... i want to give him space and let him grow but how do you when you still have those doubts? he gets defensive when questioned about his whereabouts or money spending habits... when did honesty become such a difficult subject between us?

every day i remind myself we’re in this together... we're rebuilding brick by brick, no shortcuts!! it's just hard shaking off the fear of relapse completely.. will he ever really change? can someone truly leave their old life behind or does it always linger in shadows?? although skeptical, there is hope somewhere inside me that one day he'll prove me wrong.

I'm a man who has everything and nothing at the same time. I've got my whole family with me, all their care and support...yet it feels like standing in the middle of a crowd and realizing I'm utterly alone. The irony is not lost on me. At work, surrounded by colleagues I don't even remotely connect with or respect, it's the same scenario weekly: fake smiles, forced laughter, corporate jargon flying around like it's supposed to mean something profound when really, it’s just all pretentious nonsense.

The truth? I can't stand any of them. It's as if I'm dancing to a song that's out of tune while everyone else seems blissfully unaware (or perhaps they're just better actors). There's always that one guy yammering away about his weekend adventures that sound more like desperate attempts to escape reality than enjoyable experiences. Meanwhile, my weekends consist of contemplating existence and how profoundly disconnected I feel from everything.

Even at family gatherings (birthdays, anniversaries, whatever) it’s this constant charade of "Hey! How are you?!" as if we actually cared beyond polite convention. It amazes me how easily people can slip into roles they've played a thousand times before...like clockwork puppets controlled by social obligations rather than actual emotional investment.

I've tried so hard to blend in...to be part of something larger than myself...only to realize repeatedly that maybe blending in isn't what I'm meant for. Everything feels mechanical and routine-driven like we're all stuck in an infinite loop of redundancy pretending it holds significance.

So yeah...there's your reality check wrapped up with a little bit of existential dread on top for good measure. Am I crazy for thinking this way? Or is this what it means to truly see through the facade humanity's constructed (where it's less about belonging somewhere or anywhere) but more about tolerating where you happen to be?

I am making this formal because apparently when I talk normal everyone says I am being emotional, so fine, here is my official little report from the family circus department. The topic is toxic family members, which is a fancy term for people who know exactly what button to press because they probably installed the button during childhood. My family is not the worst in the whole world, I am not saying that, because then someone will appear from a wall and say I am exaggerating again. But they are tiring in a very professional manner. They do not shout always. Sometimes they do worse. They sigh. They look disappointed like I have failed a quarterly performance review. They say things like “we only care about you,” and then somehow I feel like I was hit by a polite chair. I do not know how that works, but it works. The toxicity is not even dramatic enough to make a good movie. It is more like a very long boring meeting where everyone denies there is a meeting.

My mother has the skill set of a senior guilt manager. She can turn one missed phone call into a national emergency with emotional supply chain problems. My father mostly says nothing, which sounds peaceful, except his silence is not silence, it is a whole legal document with no words in it. My cousin is like public relations, always explaining to other people that I am “going through something,” when what I am going through is mostly them. My sibling collects information like a little family database and later uses it in arguments when nobody asked. I have also made mistakes, because I am not a saint in a sweater. Sometimes I snap. Sometimes I say something ugly, and then congratulations, the whole original issue disappears and my tone becomes the murder weapon. This happens so much that I almost admire the process. It is very efficient and also stupid. I could say, “You hurt me,” and they hear, “Please begin court proceedings about my attitude.”

People say set boundaries, like it is a small household chore. Just set boundaries. Just communicate. Just use “I statements.” Thank you, very helpful, next maybe I will simply relocate the moon. Boundaries in my family are treated like a cyber attack. If I do not answer, they escalate. If I answer shortly, I am cold. If I answer fully, I am argumentative. If I say no, I am selfish. If I say yes, then the service contract renews forever and I must keep doing yes until I die or become furniture. I tried being calm. I tried being mature. I tried being funny. I tried pretending I did not understand the insult. I tried explaining the insult, which was a major mistake, because then we had a workshop about why I am sensitive. I even tried forgiveness, but they treated it like a subscription they can keep using without payment. That is the whole operational problem;

So now my plan is not noble or cinematic. I am not going to stand in the rain and deliver a speech about my wounds. I will probably just answer less and become a boring government office. “Noted.” “I cannot attend.” “That does not work for me.” “I am going home now.” No long explanation, because explanations are just raw material for the family factory. I will not tell them every detail of my life, because they do not handle data security well. I will not debate my childhood at dinner between potatoes and someone’s loud opinion. I will not accept surprise interrogations in kitchens. If the conversation becomes weird, I will leave before I start talking like a villain. This sounds simple but it is not. I still feel guilty. I still wonder if I am the problem. I still make fake speeches in my head where everybody finally understands me and says sorry in complete sentences. Then I remember these people cannot even admit who finished the orange juice.

The sad funny part is I do love some of them. That is inconvenient. Toxic family is not like toxic soup where you just do not drink it. It is more like soup that also raised you and knows your birthday and maybe once drove you to school. So I am not pretending this is easy. I think dealing with them means reducing contact without making a parade out of it. It means saving my energy like a limited budget. It means being polite but not available for every emotional fire drill. It means accepting they will say I changed, when really I just stopped being the free help desk for everyone’s bad mood. Maybe they will never understand. Maybe they will keep calling me dramatic, cold, selfish, difficult, or whatever word is on discount that week. Fine. I am doubtful about peace, but I am interested in quiet. Quiet seems realistic. Quiet seems cheaper. And frankly, at this stage, cheaper is good.

I am scared to feel any type of romantic connection now.

My parents have been married for 30 years and my dad cheated on my mom recently…. And he did it constantly. And every time it was us, the kids, who saw it and called him out. Now I doubt him all the time, I can’t look at him in the eye anymore, I don’t even harbour any familial feelings for him as he swore on us that he wouldn’t do it again and when we asked him to choose he was hesitating.

I doubt every one now. Just like every other person I also wanted to fall in love and get married someday but now I’m so scared that the same thing will happen to me too.

I just wish he never broke our trust.

today would have been your birthday, mom, and that sentence feels like a bad administrative notice stamped across my chest. almost one year ago, i lost you, and now the calendar is acting smug, like grief is some scheduled compliance deadline. people say, “she is still with you,” and i understand the sentiment, but sometimes it sounds like cheap wallpaper over a cracked wall. you are not here. that is the fact. the chair is empty, the phone does not ring, and the kitchen has stopped smelling like the soap you liked. i hate how precise loss becomes. hospice notes, medication logs, vital signs, discharge language, and the final quiet all turn love into documentation. it is efficient, clinical, and honestly a little rude.

i remember your last birthday. i bought the wrong candles, because i was distracted and pretending everything was normal. you laughed, called me hopeless, and still kept the reciept folded in your purse like evidence in a harmless case file. that was very you. practical, sentimental, and annoyingly observant. i also remember the hospital hallway, the fluorescent lights, the nurse explaining “comfort measures,” and me nodding like i understood anything beyond panic. grief has its own operating system. it runs in the background, drains the battery, and interrupts ordinary tasks without permission. i can be buying bread and suddenly feel like some internal alarm has been triggered. damn it, i miss you. not in a poetic way. in a physical, inconvenient, blood-pressure-spiking way.

for balance, i will admit you were not perfect. nobody is, and pretending otherwise feels lazy. you could be stubborn, sharp, and impossible when you decided you were right. i inherited some of that, unfortunately, so congratulations on the successful transfer of assets. but you loved fiercely, and that matters more than the flaws. “what is grief, if not love persevering?” sounds polished, almost too polished, but today i understand it more than i want to. happy birthday, mom. i love you. i am angry that you are gone, grateful that you existed, and tired of acting dignified about something this brutal. i hope wherever you are, there is cake, strong coffee, and nobody asking stupid questions.

Imagine one day you wake up and your friend doesn’t… It’s unpredictable, is it not? Just the other day, you two are hanging out, joking around, laughing ‘till your stomach hurts. Everything looks fine from the surface, but maybe deep down they aren’t.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Imagine one day your family starts noticing the fact that you haven’t gotten up yet. When they do check on you, it’ll be too late. Your mother would find your room all cleaned up, letters neatly arranged on your bed. She’d find her daughter pale and cold…

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Your friends would be broken by the news. Maybe you think that they don’t really care. Nobody will ever know the truth, but there are people who are actually sad to see you go. They’d think back to the day before… How you’ve hung out with them, laughed with them all day, treated them to a meal.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

Nobody saw it as goodbye. After all, the happiest person isn’t someone to typically worry about, no?

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

I often hold myself back. I’m not brave enough to do it, but I’m also not strong enough to endure it all. I may not do anything about it, but it’s all in my head everyday.

I think about it everyday, but I won’t do it.

You’re not alone.

Idk. Everything that i was terrified of is happening. If my younger self met current me she would cry or think im insane.

Like first of all theres my grades. Like not to brag but i used to be smart. Like smart smart. Like i skiped a grade when i was younger top 5% of my grade type shi. I was that anoying kid who like cried if she got a 85%. Im not kidding i got a panic attack over a 75% once. And then my grandma got cancer. And then the whole family was fighting and everyone told me my grades were the only reason my grandma was getting better. because i gave her smt to hope for. So i was like 12 and studying till like midnight and waking up at 4am to study and skiping dinner and recess and rushing lunch to study. I was forgettign about the bathroom to study.

But I liked it yk???? For some reason. Cuz like when i had perfect gradesmy grandma would like stop everything to listnen to me yap for HOURS. Or me and my mom would hang out all the time. And my dad took me out all the time. And ik it kinda made me bratty back then but i got TONS of presents. And it was like everyone listened to me and not my brother who used to get bad grades.

And then SOMETHING happaned. Idk i went to travel for vacation. Like a whole month resting, and i came back and i couldent focus. Like out of nowhere. I just couldent. My brain would space out whenever i tried to focus. And i wasent even thinking about important things. It was like percy jackson or kpop or when its acceptable to cross the street if a car is coming or like how a world would work if u needed to take a bath before midnight or u would die idk. Or i would obsess over my nails or my fingers or my scalp and like be picking on them untill they were bleeding.

And so my grades where dropping ofc. But now its to the point where im failing 4 subjects. Subjects i like!!! BADLY. And my brother is the one slaying now so he gets all the attention. And i only do good in english and a bit in spanish.

And im bi and ace and its not like my parents care?? they just know im bi but they ignore it every time i talk about a girl its insane and it feels like their ignoring this thing that took me 5 years to accept ebcuz it makes them uncomftarble. Its not like they even ask questions. My mom says it dosent make a diference and she complains that i have labels exept when i think a girl is cute she just ignores it???!!

And i cant eat properly and i either eat too much or dont wanna eat berally anything for days, i dont have the energy to do everything im obsessive im messy im anoying idk how to do anything my mom fucking calls me autiistic and i cant fucking cry about anything the last 4 years it feels like im losing people all the time and i hate myself and i dont even wanna kms cuz it feels like im already dead.

It feels like theres a hole in my chest all the time and i wish i could drown and melt into my bed

OKOK SO MY DAD got like REALLY angry at me yesterday and i dont really get y??

also pls take everything i say kinda with a grain of salt cuz idk his POV and even if i try to be fair im going to kinda favour myself so...

But ok so my parents work A LOT. like i see my dad like sometimes once every 3 days a lot. even tho we live in the same house. (i see my mom more cuz she wakes up early). And this week has been extra stressfull cuz theres been kind of a faire?? (idk how to spell it) and basicly everyday theres a new even they need to prep EVERYTHING for considering dietary needs cultural diferences (people from diferent coutries come) etc etc. So theive been really tired. My dad is coming home early cuz hes so exausted some days.

But basicly, this is stressing my mom sm she got kind of a thing on her neck and her face. The doctor dosent know what it is, since it wasent smt she recognised, but its all red and itchy. The doctor thinks its a mix of stress, alergies, maybe fungi (fungus? idk) and the meds shes taking becuz she got really sick last year.

So my mom went to get it checked yesterday while my dad went home early. So my dad told me and my brother that my mom was in the doctor (since she often comes home waay after my dad) and that we were gonna pick her up later. Ofc me and my brother said ok. So we were hanging out watching tv and my dad got the message that my mom was ready. So he told us and he went to leave. So me and my brother just went to grab our jackets and i went to grab my sketchbook too (long story but i subcouciously hu57 myself if i dont have it??? im trying to fix that) and my dad told us to just come and that he would leave without us. So we got kinda angry but went without our stuff.

Idk if it is important to the thing but it is winter here and kindacold. Also my i was wearing a jacketish but it was a pijama kinda comfort jacket i shouldent wear outside my house. But me and my brother were kinda joking like and playing cuz my dad was in a good mood and we were happy but my dad got super angry and he was like yelling at us for a WHILE and he said we always disrespect him and that we treat him like shit and were gonna kill someone becuz well crash the car and i ofc got stressed so my brother said "dont say anything" and my dad said me and my brother and my mom were ploting against him and that he hopes god gives us children that disrespect us 3times more then we do becuz he dosent deserve this and my brother was crying and it was so wierd??

I kinda thought he was like using us as a vsorta explosion thing cuz he was stressed from work but i talked to my mom today and she said he did nothing the whole week and she prepared everything alone?? She wasent even saying it angry she was just saying like im worried about ur dad and stuff so i dont think it was a lie and it seems like smt he would do.

I can see his point that my mom had a rough week and it would be nice for us to be quick but we literally took less then 5 minutes to leave and i dont think it would make much diference if me and my brother grabbed a jacket and a pen in my case (the sketchbook was by the door i leave it there)

so here's the deal... i'm just sick of all this body policing in certain cultures! like, have you ever heard of those russian families who are super into nudism? i mean, come on, why is it such a big deal if someone wants to be naked at home?? it's their space. their family. as long as they're consenting adults and there's obviously no funny business going on, what's the harm, right? but nooo, for some folks it's like every part of the human body has to be sexualized or controlled. drives me nuts!!! 🙄

and don't get me started on how everyone suddenly becomes an expert on other people's lives!! even people who aren't involved have so much to say about what should and shouldn't be done. everyone's got an opinion but nobody wants to actually understand the cultural significance or personal freedoms involved here. wanna know what really grinds my gears? when people start calling it 'child endangerment' without even knowing what they're talking about! bodies aren't inherently dangerous!!! sometimes family's just gotta bond in their own damn way!! ugh!

now, i'm not saying go out and join a nudist group or whatever if that's not your thing - totally get that it's not everyone's cup of tea. myself included sometimes lol 😅 - but maybe leave room for others to live life by their own terms? maybe try understanding before judging! we talk so much about openness and acceptance these days... except when it comes to stuff that makes us 'uncomfy'. well newsflash: growth happens outside comfort zones!!!

My family has never been perfect but I used to LOVE my family, despite all the fights, arguments and ups and downs I always used to feel the deep attachment with them. However, slowly I started to lose feelings.

After my high school I was supposed to study abroad, I got into every university and even received scholarships but couldn’t go due to financial reasons. I told my parents that they do not need to send me at that time as we were financially in a really bad state and if I went I honestly couldn’t have been able to finish my studies and I would have had to return thus I applied in only one university in a degree I don’t even like in my home country and am studying here with a good scholarship. However, my parents act disappointed 24/7 with me. My sibling and 95% batchmates went abroad and they keep saying how studies here don’t matter, how there is no point studying here, even when people ask they look so ashamed of me and say ohhhh we wanted to send her but she did not want to go ( mind you I said no cause if I went at that time they would not be able to afford it and my family would not be able to live properly at all but sure blame it on me ).

Furthermore, I wanted to apply to medical school in my home country but they did not even allow it cause they said the institutions would not take me in as my A levels results weren’t that good; even though when I contacted them they said I can obviously try, I never even got the chance.

On top of that my father had to cheat multiple times, he swore to us he would never do it again but he did it again and again, I cannot even look him in the eye anymore.

Apart from these, they constantly bodyshame me, so much I don’t remember the last time I loved my body/face/anything.

I am constantly under the pressure of doing extremely well in my studies as I have to fully rely on scholarships otherwise I can’t even study here. If I don’t get their desired grades they get pissy.

And recently they keep calling me rude all the time cause I can’t talk to my dad properly after his disgusting actions and I am in general a very closed off person.

I am honestly so tired, I really was hoping for a runaway after my high school just like what my elder sibling did. Now I am stuck, I can’t even go anywhere. It’s not even easy to make enough money on my own in my home country that I’ll save up enough for masters and go away.

Sorry for the long rant, I just don’t have anyone to share this with.

I live with my mother in law and brother in law. My mother in law has always been fake ,two face . plays nice in my face but talk sh*t about me to her other son who is about be 21 with two kids no job or car doesn't take care of either one financially . They lost their rights to the first kid due to gf being on drugs. They did not care or even try to fight for their parental rights DHS got involved she couldn't live in the house because they thought she was dangerous around the kid. Baby was in NICU for a week either of them went to visit him it was just my mother in law who obviously adopted him couple months later . Even though she could not be around the child my mother in law still let her stay to be with the kid . Im not sure I think my mother in law thought maybe his son would hate her if she did not let her stay or resent her some how she thought both of them would become responsible for their kid even though mom was the actual guardian. living with them was interesting my brother in-law started some drama about me copying her . we wore similar things . I couldn't wear anything similar to her because they would talk sh*t . I couldn't even be barefoot wear bracelet's wear any clothing brand with out them saying I was copying her obviously my mother in law sided with him . I couldn't leave the room without them eyeing me down to find something to talk about . then nexts they stated saying I was going get pregnant because she was pregnant before . it was so childish it was really hard living with them it felt like three against one . I told my husband everything at first he thought it was all in my head . He started to notice things to . we eventually moved out months past and I got pregnant goddddd that the cherry on top . I guess that had confirm I was in fact copying her and trying to be like her . even though me and husband were responsible for our little one we basically never asked for help we both have jobs our own cars I think about it now I think the brother has always been jealous his mother still enables his behaviors even though his gf and him are not together or even living here they still say I am copying her when I haven't seen her for almost a year

Hi. My wife and I (both female) will be married for 4 years this summer, together for 9. I have 2 kids from previous relationships, one has a lot of behavioral/learning disabilities. We had enough of our own issues as a couple. But then her mom asked to move in with us. She lived 4 hours away with her boyfriend. I had met her in person I think twice. And this conversation never happened early in our relationship. I had said that my child would likely need to live with me for a long time or forever. But never a mention of her mom. And personally. I was finally in a space I could call my own and do things the way I wanted to. So I really didn’t want her to move in. But she promised it would be temporary. Until she got a job and got on her feet. Maybe just a few months. Which then she asked for a year. And then she asked for her to just stay forever. This placed a big wedge in our marriage. We started couples therapy. Which didn’t help. She threw literal screaming tantrums any time I said how I was feeling and would storm out. She really started to show me how immature she was. Her mom ended up going back home after a month a half. Maybe a week after she went back. She all of a sudden got extremely sick and almost died. My wife was gone for 5 weeks to stay in the hospital with her mom. She left me. And the kids. And her job. For 5 weeks. I understand visiting. I understand feeling scared and sad. But she just up and left and we didn’t matter. When she came back and realized her mom was never going to be ok again. Needing to be on oxygen forever among many other things. She gave me an ultimatum. She said “please don’t make me choose between you and my mom”. It should never be a choice. There should be compromise. But she doesn’t know how to do that. And I should have walked away. But I didn’t. Bc I love her. Now 2 years later. My living room is a hospital room. Every decision that’s made is about her and her mom. I don’t matter. My voice doesn’t matter. No matter how nicely I try to talk to her about anything, she turns it into a fight. Her mom needs a lung transplant. That based on all of her medical conditions, she is very unlikely to be eligible. I feel like a 3rd party in my marriage. I feel like we’re just roommates living in a routine. There’s no. Anything. And I don’t even cry about it anymore. She sleeps most nights on the couch near her mom “in case something happens”. I keep thinking about how much happier. Or at peace. I would be, if I left. Not sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe someone who has gone through something similar. Tell me how I’m feeling is not crazy and selfish. Bc she calls me selfish quite a bit. I’m not allowed to have an opinion that’s different. Her mom came here and everything changed. House rules. The way we do things. It has to all be the way her mom says it’s should be. This is my house. That her mom moved into. Yes she contributes some from her disability checks. But we spend more than double each than her mom spends. And somehow she gets to tell us how to do things. Everything in this house I helped pay for. Not her mom. I didn’t move into her mom’s house. I hate feeling this way. I feel stuck. And sad. Idk. I guess that’s it. Thank you for reading.

what would you do? how would you feel?

I struggle a lot with connection. I cant tell if people actually like me or are just pretending so I always assume a social suituation is going badly. Then I can avoid being surprised if it goes downhill.

I want freinds where everyone is comfortable with casual touches, leaning against each other, hugs, shoulder pats. But I dont know how to initiate that, most of my family are extremely touch and emotionally adverse. And while my dad is more affectionate he often doesnt register boundaries or other people's emotions.

Mum once told me that with the way she raised me I was either going to end up completely desperate for touch or completely touch adverse. She said she was happy that I was touch adverse like her... I probably should have corrected her.

Im stuck in a cycle of craving platonic intimacy but not being able to achieve it. The brief touches I get never feel like enough but I dont feel safe asking up front.

I know that a romantic relationship would probably solve my problem but I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship at the moment. Theres been several times ive met guys who at 1st seem like they could be freinds but then they get too handsy and ignore boundaries I put up. Recently I had to leave a freinds party because a guy kept following me round and grabbing me by the wrist when I'd told him no. My skin felt like it was burning for hours after.

Touch can so quickly go from being amazing to being horrific as soon as I think the other person wont listen if I told them no.

Everything else in my life is great, im working towards my dream job, and ive definetly improved over the last few years. Its just such a constant want.

Current plan is to get a pet as soon as I can reasonably provide for one. It wont be exactly what I need but it'll hopefully help in some way.

Hug your freinds a bit closer today please.