Friendship Stories - page 4

hi I'm fox(19 female)

so about 1 years ago I joined a youth group for lgbt teenagers, there I got re-acquainted with a friend (firefly 21 male) I met 5-year prior. a couple weeks later he some of his friend(butterfly 21 female) & ( Hound Dog 21 male) joined the youth group . I'd seen both of his friends before but had never really talked to them , anyway we all became a friend group. that summer I got particular close to butterfly and I realise I really liked her and I wasn't sure if she felt the same way until, firefly told me he absolutely believed butterfly had a crush on me as well. so we went on flitting for at least 9 months. one day I was planning to meet up with her and talk her how I feel, so a week before I sent her a message as her if she was free to meet up, she didn't answer me for 2 months , of course after 1 week I asked the others if they had heard anything. Hound dog, said he hadn't heard anything, but firefly said that butterfly was just going through somethings and didn't really want to talk ( of course this hurt me a bit but anyway). over the next 3 months firefly keep reassuring me that it had not to do with me. in the 3rd month firefly eventually, told me and butterfly that we need to talk about because it was "effecting his mental health " ( side note I understand that this was a complete normal response if I had been as him question but he was the one who would ask me if butterfly had text me back. )

so butterfly and do have a conversation about it. from the conversation I understood why she didn't text me back. I had still have feelings for her and firefly knew this. so one day he said I don't think she ready for a relationship. which made sense until, not even a full month later he released he had feelings for butterfly. and they got into a relationship.

so I bit my tongue and pretend it didn't bother me.

now you maybe wondering what did Hound dog think about this hole situation. he completely agree and supported me. (side note: Hound Dog and firefly are no longer friend, has for me and firefly, well that complicated, you see firefly is the type of person who you feel like he'll get himself killed at any moment so I still want to keep an eye on him. ) so now comes the reason why I'm writing this,

2 day ago butterfly opened up to me about how she didn't feel good about the relationship and that she felt really low in energy when she around him.

for any you want to know yes I still have feelings for her but I'm suppressing them

So my question is what do I do?

if you have any questions please ask and I'll try to answer them in an update or in the comments.

Am I the problem? I've been asking that question all day. Every time I feel like I'm helping/trying too or protecting/caring for my friends/people it seems to never work or I cause problems more, more stress and more drama. Sometimes I don't even mean to hurt I'm just trying to fix things

maybe it some weird thing I do but every time I do something I think/Be live is right or helping it doesn't seem to work out and in the end I lose people more or I end up making wounds bigger and deeper. I've lost friendships and relationships to my "mess ups" so I get hated or hurt myself because I don't mean harm, sometimes I can be a lot but really all I want to do is heal and care for people, maybe I'm to "helpful" maybe I "cause the drama" maybe I'm not supposed to help and maybe I'm meant to be something different. I want to be happy and help others find the joy I found but maybe I've got it all wrong maybe people don't need me or want help and maybe I'm trying to fill some void that's been empty for years.

in the posses of "helping" You end up losing more than you "gain" overall...

To anyone who knows me/finds this. I'm so flipping sorry for trying to be something you don't need. I'm sorry for making it worse. you can fight me, hate me, say whatever you want to because clearly I'm meant to have a different story then I thought.

ur thoughts?..

Dear me,

I see you in Math class right now, trying to ignore all those annoying loud kids. I'm doing the same thing. Math class is such a bother right? Anyway. Enjoy marching band today! I can tell you can't wait to see Kiara!

I know, all the friendgroup drama is getting you down. You feel like you're unimportant, like nobody likes you. But hey, that's not true! You have Amelia and Johne, and Kiara too! They all love you. Even if some of the others don't.

You just gotta learn to love yourself, that's what you gotta do. That's why you started 7Cups. So you could learn to love yourself. Make sure you keep up with that, by the way. I have the feeling it'll really help you through the clouds of your depression. And if [the other two] start to recognise your vents here on IIWIARS, you can switch to The Void.

Hey, you'll get through this. As I tell you in all of these letters, you'll be fine. Sure, some of the others hate you, but when high school comes, you won't have to worry about them because you'll have made new friends. Keep your head up.

I'm proud of you, you know. You've been dealing with this better than what I'd expect from most. You're actually trying to get better on your own.

You are never alone, you know. You have Amelia, and Johne, and Kiara. Whatever Emma said about you, whatever Bowie thinks, it doesn't matter. Because they don't define who you are. Only you do that.

You got this,

You

They said it themselves.

I'm hated.

The scapegoat.

The one who can't just grow up.

The drama queen.

The attention seeker.

The one with the anger issues.

The one who starts everything.

Who gets mad when people try to help.

But when will they see that that's not who I am?

Who I am is a broken person.

The one who is always crying inside. even if I can't do it on the outside.

The one who wishes in vain for things to get better.

The one who knows she's misunderstood, but will never be understood.

The outsider who just wants to fit in.

The one with no real friends, or so it seems.

The one with all the scars on my legs from the nights when everything seemed hopeless.

The broken one who needs to be fixed.

The girl who can't get by.

The girl who is hated becuase nobody knows who she is.

Nobody knows who I am.

The talk behind my back.

They call me "drama queen" and "attention seeker".

They call me immature.

They call me an asshole.

Nobody likes me.

Because they don't know me.

So my friend is mad at me because I refused her help. She said I got "mad" when she tried to help me, which I DIDN'T. I just said "I don't need help" and that was it! But now, she's over here, talking shit behind my back! LIKE IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME, SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE. And someone I THOUGHT was my friend is just taking her side. Ok, maybe I've been a little bitchy lately, but that's because I have things going on in my own life. If you cared to ask how I'm doing once in a while, you'd know! I'm actually about to fight her. She wants me to "grow up"? Yeah. I will.

So recently my 2 friends have been having drama problems or whatever you want to call it, one is just acting quite and struggling mentally which I get (we will call them B) the other one is kinda all over the place, has anger issues and as my mom says " attention seeker" and " starts drama" (we will call them P) lately they have had "issues" B has been more quiet and distant from P and P has been rude, ignoring B and just weird and toxic. B has vented to me and P has, I tried to give advice to P but they got all mad when I told them they ignore people to sometimes. They got all pissed and said "I only ignore people who ignore me" and they walked off saying "I'm done with people" I've dealt with their drama for awhile and honestly I was done. If I'm being honest nobody actually likes P like literally me and a friend (M) we're in PE outside and just venting to each other about how ridiculous P is and how they need to grow tf up and stay out of people's relationships and stop making things Abt them 23/7 like literally. And yes ik everyone struggles and maybe I'm getting the wrong idea but after awhile u start to see and notice peoples true colors and for P I have, I'm no longer friends with them or associating my self with them cuz they have done too much and I'm sick of caring for them when they don't give a crap and get all pissed at someone who wants to help and care for them. I hope p doesn't come crawling back because all I'ma do is say "Maybe you should grow up for once and maybe, MAYBE you will get somewhere in life." But for now I'm enjoying life and hanging with B now! I forgot how much fun they are and how much I missed hanging with them before P and their other friends came around. I just hope things get better and I hope P grows up because we are about to go into highschool and I can promise you nobody is going to like her btching around 24/7

MY STUPID "FRIEND" IS DEATH STARING ME. HE'S BEEN DEATH STARING ME ALL DAY. IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT HE WON'T TALK TO ME HE ALSO HAS TO LOOK AT ME LIKE I KILLED HIS DOG OR SOMETHING. WHAT DID I DO. WHY IS HE DEATH STARING ME.

So yesterday the Marching Band season started

I have a friend who's in marching band. she's three years older than me, she's really awesome and she has GREAT taste in music.

I met her last year in last year's marching band season. (last year was my first year.)

Also last year, I had another friend.

He was pretty cool. We met because of a mutual friend I had made during that year's Spring Trainings.

We became pretty good friends.

The music that year was really stressful. I ended up crying in the hallway, considering quitting, but he gave me a pep talk.

I started to really like him.

Then, in the middle of the season last year, he stopped speaking to me for no reason at all.

And then, yesterday, first day of spring Trainings, I had to see him again.

It hurt like crazy.

I'm a horrible friend. I say stuff I don't mean, and it's usually hurtful or something. And I hate myself for it. All my friends (except one) have stopped talking to me, I've vented about it on here before, but now I understand why. I'm a mean, horrible person. No wonder they all hate me. I try to be myself but the person I truly am is a jerk. Maybe if I'm someone else they'll like me again. I constantly feel the need to change myself for them, so maybe that's what actually needs to happen. Maybe I do need to change. Maybe if I make the right changes, they'll talk to me again. Maybe if I'm interested in the same things as them, if I talk the way they do, if I act like them, if I think like them, if i have the same sense of humour as them, they'll be friends with me again. Because I know they'll never love who I really am. They'll never accept me for the asshole I am inside. I need to be more like them.

Hey me.

I see you sitting there, blasting Glass Half Empty on loop through your earbuds in the middle of class. I'm doing the same thing, too. Those lyrics are so relatable, aren't they? Anyway. I know Bowie, Trinity, and Harvie are still ignoring you. I know that Johne and Amelia still forget you're there sometimes. I know that Angel is your only friend left that sees and hears you. But hey, things'll get better. I think. You know, let's just reflect on the past four years before we get to high school. How's that sound? and when we're seniors, we'll reflect on our high school years too. Here we go:

Remember 5th grade? when you and Trinity first met? When you dated Livvie? Remember her? I forgot what school she goes to now... Oh well. But remember recess, playing with all of Trinity's little plastic animals? Remember there Kermits? You never did really become part of that... But that's besides the point. 5th grade was fun! I miss it. I bet you do too.

6th grade was when you met Amelia, Harvie, and Maddie. I still remember the exact places we sat at lunch. The third round table, and you always say next to Amelia. And you would give her your cheeseburger (which you got everyday) even though she had a lunchbox. Those were the good days... Ah well. They're gone now. But those days were easy, you never had to worry about whether or not your existence would be remembered the next day. EVeryone was interested in the same things, and we were all one friendgroup, and there was no stress about who liked who. That is, until you started liking Amelia. But you never asked her out, did you? I don't blame you. Stuff like that is really stressful.

And 7th grade! That was when you met Bowie, Angel, and Johne. Remember how you and Bowie started out? kinda awkward, I remember. Emma had been saying for a while that you and Bowie would be best friends. And you became best friends, didn't you! You two had such fun together. Then Trinity and Amelia started dating. Then you and Maddie started dating. Then you broke up with Maddie. And then you and Bowie started dating. 7th grade was ok.

But 8th grade... That's when everything fell apart. You broke up with Bowie, yet you two still stayed best friends. Nothing changed between you two, except maybe that you'd make jokes about when you two dated, things like, "why did I ever date you" whenever one of you did something dumb. But then... people started drifting. The friendgroup split in half. One half even moved tables at lunch. That was your half. And the other half stopped speaking to you and you only. Even Bowie, who was on that half. And then you started turning invisible with your own half. Even on your birthday. At least you still had Angel. But some days, you were invisible to even her. Depression got the best of you, didn't it? It still has me in its holds.

But listen to me now: you can't let yourself disappear. Get new friends. Ones who see you and hear you. Don't let the old ones turn you invisible. They don't define you. Even if things seem hopeless now, you'll get through this. You have to. And if you don't, then at least you tried, right? so try. Don't let go just yet. Don't give up until you can't go any further. It may seem like you can't now, but you can. Trust me. The apathy and depression may be bad, but you'll survive it all. Maybe. Possibly. You've almost made it to high school. Just keep pushing, and you'll get there. I get it, you want to just fizzle out, to just give up. But you can't. Keep going. Do it for Angel. For Sam, too, even though you can't talk to him anymore. But he'd want you to keep going. So keep going.

See you soon,

You.

At first, I felt fine, before I realized: In your eyes, I'm a demon, right? Without an ending, I'm still pretending like I attended your funeral today. Overconsumption of your own compassion, put on perfume of iniquity. Now I could never dream of doing anything in such a way like you did to me, so, give me a taste of sovereignty, a lantern in the night. Get me away from history, from the cycle's bitter light, from existing out of spite.

Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!" I've got a cut-throat delight as we carouse while you writhe. I'll put your fear in my drink tonight. Tonight, I'm chewing up and spitting out your pride. You got an iron dye where only God'll find. I took a photo of shame to remember you by. True colours make a pretty-picture memory, returning less than you gave to me. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know duplicity, who once was a child born in villainy. I know infinity, she howls with the past, as they gouge each other's eyes. I know what hides in me, if only you knew the same... Now do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Are you able to feel culpability? Come forth, and kill me! Bow down, and worship name! Take your time! All we have is eternity! My name is unknown, something I've never told. On my own, I declare, "I don't wanna go home!"

Culpability: Responsibilty for a fault or wrong; blame.

Nobody feels culpability anymore.

Except me.

And the only culpability I feel is other people's.

Why does my girl best friend always constantly stay with her boyfriend even when he always lies to her and doesn’t spend much time with her( just for context both of them are my best friends I had been best friends with my boy best friend before they got together)

So let’s just call my girl best friend Amy and my boy best friend Ethan

So Amy always complains to me that Ethan is always hiding his phone and she eventually gets to the bottom of it where he has got pictures of girls on his phone and he is lying about having them, she has “broken up” with him too many times and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know what to tell her anymore coz I say to her it’s up to you what you do it’s not my relationship, she still goes back to him and forgives him but how many times is she going to repeat the same things all the time and she gets mad, upset and even blocks him and then unblocks him and then is all perfectly normal with him the next day , he always gets annoyed at me or take it out on me if he is frustrated about something but never his own girlfriend like I’m his best friend not a verbal punch bag, she never confronts him about it because she will get upset about how he will react, she doesn’t confront about him about certain things coz he always reacts the same he gets in a mood with her, he says I’m not doing this, I’m not listening to what you are saying because you are constantly going on,a woman has the right to say what she is feeling and if it is bothering her then she should be able to talk about it without someone getting annoyed about it or doesn’t want to listen because men know they are in the wrong they just don’t care, so what do I do about this guys

Ping

Ping

Ping

Make it stop

Ping

Ping

Ping

Ping

Another wave of messages come through

You throw your phone across the room

Shattered and broken

Yet still turns on

Ping

Ping

Ping

Another load of messages

Overloading your brain

You swipe open your phone

Wincing as the broken glass slices your finger

You open your messages

"Traitor"

"Cheat"

"Liar"

"Fake"

You switch off your phone

You can't do it

Ping

Ping

Ping

You burst into tears

Why do they hate me so?

I feel like I need to be cautious around a woman I’ve observed to be prejudiced. She feels almost like family to me, yet I sense that her prejudices keep her tightly bound—and although she tries to break free from them, it seems like they’re stronger than she is.

She’s a deeply religious person, and that terrifies me. Her way of enforcing rules—under the guise of "care"—comes across as imposing. I used to be like that too, but over time, I’ve distanced myself from that mindset.

Now I understand how others must have felt around me back then. She has a daughter—pretty, charming even—but the idea of being close to her, especially knowing who her mother is, makes me uneasy. I don’t know what secrets the daughter may be hiding, even though she presents herself as an open, accepting teenager. I feel like I can't step out of the mold they’ve placed me in, or else there’ll be trouble. Honestly, I think the wise thing for me to do is walk away from their lives. Now I understand how some girls used to feel about me.

It was nice to meet them, but under the weight of this devaluing energy, I can’t say I want them in my life. Their deep involvement in things like religion makes me feel like they’re rooted in a kind of worldview that demands change in others—to align with what they believe is right—while barely acknowledging other people’s principles. It feels suffocating. I’m scared they might try to change me, in a way that doesn’t let me come back to myself—just through guilt.

I sense that, because I’m easy to pull along, I come off as attractive to her daughter—and that she engages with me mostly out of family guilt, at least from what I can tell.

I met them when I bought coffee from them. That interaction with the woman left me feeling that her every gesture was rigid, almost mechanical. I know she tries to be kind and patient with others, but I don’t want to go any deeper—I don’t want to see her anger. They seem “too good to be true,” and I feel like running away, because one day the mask is going to drop.

What sort of assumptions might they be making—without even realizing—while thinking they’re just protecting me? I’m honestly worried that they could interpret my behavior as harmful. Right now, I’m uneasy because the woman didn’t reply to me. She saw a few of my posts, which held values opposite to hers, and then I saw something she shared about toxic people. I’m afraid she was talking about me. I hate how she makes me feel—like who I am doesn’t align with the way she idealizes me. It makes me feel like I depend on her approval, and that’s a cage. That dependency brings on this anxiety.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

These are people you’d want to test—just to be sure their helpful spirit isn’t being exploited. But within that family, it’s been easy to keep things safe as long as I’ve stayed at a distance. Still, I don’t know if there are unspoken lines I’ve crossed without realizing. Honestly, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield.

I want to get away from this family. They present themselves as tolerant, but their roots and rigidity make me feel like this is headed for something terrible—silent, hard to name, and even harder to escape once I’m in too deep. I now understand exactly why my friends used to avoid me. Running into someone from my past has turned into a waking nightmare—something that feels just about to begin. I never thought I’d feel this way about myself.

And what’s worse, I think they may be entirely unconscious of the harm they could cause. They might normalize my changes—as long as they lead to what they see as ideal. They’d applaud every part of the process, even when I’m clearly lost or hurting. It’s like they want me to fail just to guide me back toward who they want me to be.

I feel the risk of being erased. Maybe I’m just confused—but the burden of trusting that they’re not what they seem feels too heavy. Maybe that’s why I’m saying all these things, about how they appear to be—things I hope they wouldn’t actually do. Sure, I bet they’re different when you really talk to them, but the level of emotional effort they expect from others feels crushing and guilt-inducing. That alone makes me feel trapped. I’m scared I’ll test the waters just out of habit—and get stuck.

Honestly? Now I understand why no one wanted to date me before.

Why do i feel attached to people who hurt me? So like, i have this friend, whom i considered one of my few close friend, i told him i was bi, he was fine with it, but after a yew years he suddenly just texted me smth like "i hate people who's being special on purpose" "if you weren't bi you would be more special" "instead of posting art why not focus on getting a scholarship", honestly this hurts me a lot, i blocked him but for some reason a part of me wants to unblock him and still text him- like i miss him but i hate him idkkkkk- i also made friends with someone, i liked them a lot even tho they told me how to hrm myslf and took pictures of me even tho i told them dont, which made me uncomfortable, so why did i feel so sad and lonely when they were gone?