Friendship Stories - page 3

4, I have had a total of 4 friends who have either cut, or cut currently. I dont know why but for some reason i feel as if it is my fault. I feel like if i had just stepped up i could have helped them. At one point i attempted to cut myself, but someone walked in, luckly, they didn't see me. I am the youngest of 4 in my family, and feel as though i have to do something different, as most of my siblings have done/are doing great things. I feel the wieght of all their success on my shoulders, and i can still hear every hurtful thing they have ever said repeating in my head, but it isnt just theirs, but every single hurtful thing i have ever heard. I constantly tell myself that i am not good enough and i have had others say the same to my face and, quite literally, behind my back. I have gone through years of bullying and i cry myself to sleep most nights. I also don't think my trauma is important enough so i dont share to my friends or family. My dad, siblings, and ex made me insecure about talking to much, and a girl named Harlow Curry made me insecure about being fat and ugly. I tell myself they were simply telling the truth, and that it isnt their fault. Everything that has ever happened to me, someone else has a worse story and makes mine sound fine, they say that mental abuse doesn't count as abuse, but i attempted suicide once and people still dont care. I have started to agree with them and now every second of every day there is a voice saying that i am not good enough and that my trauma doesn't matter, and finally, that everything bad is always my fault, yes, even things out of my control. But it also say that everything good i have done doesn't matter.

I listended to this song called Mind Of Mine by Lo Spirit and It made me cry because the lyrics are so deep and I can relate to them I just wish someone would hold me and say it's ok I am here for you

im 16, and i have never felt worse about myself than i do right now and these last few weeks.

since i was a little kid, ive been in bad homes. No matter who i was living with, it has always been filthy and disfunctional. right this instant im living in probably the 2nd or 3rd worst home ive ever lived in. its filthy and miserable. i have a decently severe weed addiction that i adopted in november 2023 after smoking for the first time in august of that same year. my dad got me started (and still supplies me with it) and i dont really hate him for that? i might have killed myself a long time ago if it wasnt for the emotional suppression that weed does to me. Im probably high more than im sober. the weed addiction isnt that bad to be honest but i thought its relevant.

Covid fucked my one good relationship with my old best friend connor. barely talk to him anymore and the majority of my friends are online. I do online school right now, because going to school makes me want to kill myself.

but the thing is, i dont have many real life friends. and that fucking sucks. i dont do anything at all most days other than fuck around on games or fl studio. i have a job too but that doesnt help too much.

im fat. 248lbs at the moment and losing. its alot better than what i was (around 330-350 i dont fully remember). i feel like no one could stand looking at me in a romantic way because of my weight, which realistically i know thats not entirely true. my face isnt much better, i dont consider myself ugly, but i visibly look like my mother, and it fucks me up. i have a very bad relationship with her that i would need a seperate post to go into. tldr for that one is i havent seen her in person in 2 years almost, and she never calls me because shes a heavy drug addict, basically addicted to anything you could think of.

When i was 14 my life (which was already pretty shitty) went to hell. we got evicted due to our disgusting house. thats mostly because of my sisters and my dumb as fuck family who thought we could handle 2 extra drug babies who are not right mentally. after we got evicted, we moved in with my extended family for like 2 months. Thats 12 people in a 3 bedroom house. i hated it. but i got my first experience with my own room. because up until then i was always given the living room to sleep in because i was the oldest. when i lived with the extended family, they gave me a room to myself for some reason. something about genders shouldnt mix? theyre pretty conservative. after 2 months of living with them, we had to leave. we moved into an extremely shitty hotel, one room for everybody, 2 beds. then we moved into a much worse hotel that had 2 rooms. but super infested with roaches. i got so depressed i was getting physically sick. i stayed home from school for a week. after a while, i couldnt take it anymore. i moved in with my dad and here we are now. im writing this while its 5 am so this is gonna be hard to read, sorry its all fucked up and disjointed. honestly theres like 9 other things i wanted to include but maybe another time.

TL;DR

shitty house, shitty family, loneliness, and the want to kill myself

first of all, i dont actually have any really bad problems so you dont have to feel bad for me.

I feel like me friendships end up the same alot of the times, by them treating me badly, for example this one friend group im apart of is the kind where everyone is cussing about eachother but we all know we are joking most of the time, but then when there is actually some drama im apart of, i know what would hurt a person but i just dont wanna do that and they just say the most bad thing about me. I feel like almost everyone friend group im apart of is this kind of where everyone is always shittakking eachother but j just want to be apart of one where everyone respects eachother, of course a joke sometimes is completely ok but im so tired of constantly getting shitted on. Why do people always stab so much where it hurts? Do they not know, or do they do it on purpose. This had happend to me in 3 friend groups and im starting to feel like its problem on my side, im thinking for some time i fould be having paranoid personality disorder, should i talk to a psychiatrist? Is it my fault? Please, i will value advice

PS: also sorry if its quite chaotic

I'm 22, a guy. I've had 5 proper friendships in my life.

First and second one in school, after I moved states. They lasted around 10 years until I got into a relationship. They hated my boyfriend, so I got ghosted and blocked everywhere.

Third was a girl in the city i live in now, after I moved out from my parent's house. We got along until she got more and more toxic. She was 18 at the time, she acted like a spoiled 13 year old. Insulted, bullied and humiliated others. I quit that frie4ndship. She stalked me for 9 months.

Fourth was with an ex of mine, after a year of being apart we got to talk again. He's a nice guy. I adore him, in a very platonic way. He's been ghosting me for 2 months now for no reason.

Last one just broke apart today. A friend of 6 years told me about his struggles. I've been there for him for weeks now since he was feeling bad, but i ran out of tips and tricks. Ran out of solutions, so i simply suggested he'd go back to his therapist, that's what she's there for after all. He ignored me for the day and then started insulting me, calling me names, and much worse. I blocked him.

22 years. and not a single lasting friendship because all people turn out to hate me, ghost me or be toxic. I'm giving up on friendship.

lately ive realized that i avoid opening up to the people around me about my mental state and it has been damaging my relationships (duh). ive been dealing with trauma from an SA that happened a long time ago that i just recently came to terms with and in doing so, i relapsed in smoking. (i had been smoke free for a year and a half)

i feel like my friendships lack depth.

i just recently opened up to my mom about the SA and the smoking and was pleasantly surprised with how loving and understanding she was and how i no longer felt like a stranger to my own mother, so im wondering if maybe i should open up to my friends more.

my dad passed away one year ago and a half and i realized that if my friends hadnt seen that on my mom's facebook, i would have probably never even told them that my dad passed.

i used to struggle with SH in the past and when coming to terms with the SA, i relapsed but only once (since i chose smoking over SH because i thought it would harm me less). i have visible scars on my thighs and left wrist. (the ones on my wrist are 2 years old but they were deep so theyre visible) they're not wounds anymore, they're quite literally scars. my skin is very pale and the scars are noticeable. thats why im often dressed in baggy, oversized clothes even in summer. now that i think of it, i dont think my friends every saw my arms, or any other part of my body other than my head and my hands.

im just so closed off to anyone around me and it pisses me off, but im so scared of being perceived as vulnerable or weak. all i do is smoke cigarettes and (p rarely i will admit) weed and shut up about my problems.

i was just reflecting on why i feel so isolated from everyone and why all my friendships lack depth and i think this is it.

I love my best friend so much she seriously means the world to me but I just need to vent about something. Since ive met her she’s always been a very negative person. She constantly makes choices she knows she’s going to regret with money and school and men then when those choices bite her in the ass she plays the victim. Nothing is her fault and there’s always something wrong. I’ve never answered the phone and had her tell me something is going good. She used to be part of the family everyone loved her but she drove everyone crazy with her constant negativity and whining that I don’t even want to bring her around my family (That and one of her bad decisions with men was with my cousin). My 21st is coming up and I’m so scared she’s going to ruin it or turn it into a pity party, and if she does I’m scared my family is going to say something to upset her. I’ve been working on myself a lot and I’ve been so much happier lately with what I’ve been doing but talking to her brings me down a lot when all she does is complain. With anyone else on earth o would just simply talk to them but I can’t with her she’s very sensitive and everything is a touchy subject with her. I can be myself around my friends and family and I can with her but there’s many moments where I have to walk around on eggshells. I know I’m complaining about her but I really do love her she’s my best friend and we’ve been through a lot together I just needed to get this out.

I want everyone, people who did nothing wrong, people who did me wrong, literally anyone—to feel bad for me. I want them to look at me with those sorry little eyes, drowning in guilt; they'll feel bad and would do anything for me. Because they feel bad. They pity me, so they feel that they should do this and that for me. It's like having slaves; I won't have to do anything by myself because they can do it for me. Please, pity me. I want everyone to feel obligated to pay attention to me or stay beside me because they feel bad and think that's the least they can do for someone so pitiful. Why am I this way?

I hate it soo much!! I hate it here, I hate existing so badly because I'm anxious every single second, I feel as though everyone's eyes are on me, and every time I move, it feels like I'm a robot because I'm conscious of my every movement. I move and talk how people want me to, and it's so hard to be myself because I fear that I will be judged. My anxiety is so bad I can't even show my true colors to my friends. I know they're good people, but I'm just scared. So scared, you know? I know they won't judge for every little thing but even so, I'm terrified. My traumas won't let me be the person I wish to be; I'm always holding myself back because I'm just so anxious. I hate feeling like this because I'm wasting my whole life acting like someone I'm not.

So I play DnD 5e a lot. I'm not diagnosed autistic, but I wouldn't be surprised if I actually was; and if I am, then DnD is definitely my special interest. But I've only DM'ed campaigns for the entire time I've played, except for two sessions. So I look outside of my friend group. I search online everywhere. But I for the life of me cannot find a campaign to be in. It's starting to mess with me; I feel like a weird stress/anxiety, and if I don't play again soon I may go mad I fear

I have a roommate. She is very nice but clueless. I don't really need advice here- I just need to tell someone what is going on because I can't process it.

She came home today asking me if I could help her understand her work contract. She's a music teacher through a local school. She's been doing this for 8 years, thinking that she's been paid $30 for every 30 minutes.

Her hourly rate, as stated in her contract is $30/hr. She's shocked. Says that others are getting paid $30 for each half hour. Then, she starts complaining about the taxes and fees. She says she pays thousandS of dollars/quarter in taxes.

She made $6000 last year from teaching music (she does have another job). But if she's paying thousandS of dollars/quarter, she's losing money being a music teacher. And this has supposedly been going on for EIGHT YEARS.

I'm shocked and telling her she needs to get this sorted ASAP and she's surprised and responds that she'll do it later.

She is an adult and can make her own choices, but I just don't understand how you could be throwing away THOUSANDS of dollars every year and not have dealt with this. How has she made it this far?

I'm afraid to ask if she's got any retirement. It's just hard to watch her function sometimes

so there is this guy i like named ryklin. we r both in 7th grade and both 13. but i just found out today that he likes somone els and now i am really really really reallyyyyyyyy saddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in my early 20's. Yet I've wasted my life. As I've moved from the place I've called home for many years. I realized that everything I did there was for other people's approval, appreciation, and opinions. Now, as I'm not there, I just feel lost. I don't know what I want for my major, nor what my interests are. I know damn well what I don't like, and many people say that that's a start. But I'm honestly worried that I'll never make any friends due to the fact that I honestly don't know what I like. I have no passions. No interests. And it's hard for me to be interested in other people on a genuine level, since I don't know what I'm interested. Most people wanna be friends with others with the same interest. But how do people become friends with someone who lacks interests? And I mean genuine interests. As I've said, I've lived me life for other people, and I don't know where to start for myself. Trust me, I've try many things, but again, they weren't for me, but for others. I guess I could list the things I've tried, but it would make it seem like I'm a lost cause! I've tried, hip-hop/crump dance, jazz dance, 4 years of ballet, tap dance, painting, drawing, pottery, singing, playing guitar, playing the djembe drum, playing the ukulele, playing the harmonica(I only tried that one 3 times, and never again), baking, cooking, paper mashé, learning ASL(American Sign Language), fashion design, jewelry design, makeup stuff(I didn't like it after a while), math at one point(never again!!!), proper ways to clean, learning about different books(even though I haven't read them)... Simply to interact with those book lovers, same goes for movies and TV, there's a lot I haven't seen, but I can somewhat carry on a conversation with the same conviction that the fans of those franchises do. And the list goes on of what I've tried and ended up not really liking. The only things that I refuse to engage in are horror movies, books, and TV, spicy food, sea food, winter sports(other than ice skating), and anything to do with Winston Churchill. Other than that, I really don't know what I enjoy.

Sorry for bad grammar in advance english isn’t my native language! And sorry for this beinf so long im bery goot at yapping not good at story telling.

So I have this friend group of four people, lets say my friends are A, B and C. So A is my bestfriend i’ve known my whole life and B and C i met trough her in 2023. My friend A has this job of handing mail out once a week, shes also been sick with the flu for the past few days. So today she asked in our gc if someone wanted to come with her on her route cause its very bad weather today raining and so on. And i answered first and asked at what time was she planning on going, and she said around 3pm and i thought for a second and decided maybe not going cause im gonna be on a walk with our dog right around then and i have work from 9pm-2am so i wanted to take a nap before work. And then my other friend B said she doesnt want to go walking in the rain and my friend C said she has to study. No big deal, and then at some point my friend private messaged me and asked what time i was going on the walk with my dog and she could go out whenever if i maybe wanted to come after all. I didnt see it until a bit later a bit before 3pm when i left with my dog and i texted her like hey what time are you going now i could maybe come after all (one thing is i am quite an indecisive person) also tried calling her but she didnt answer then, she called back around 3.30pm and was like well i already left and i was like okay yeah sorry i was so indecisive and answered late. Then my friend C put a message that “i was now a good friend and sacrificed going there, even tho i have three tests to study for, an essay due tomorrow and came straight after a test even tho its raining” and me and my friend put messages like hey sorry i feel kinda bad for not coming and like that just simple. And they both got mad? A said “well you should feel bad cause i wouldve come if i were you but i guess not everyone thinks the same way, and C came even tho she had school work and i now caught a fever”, “so just be quiet im tired of those “im sorry❤️’ messages” and C said “and dont use not wanting to walk in the rain as an excuse just say you cant, no need tk be so formal about it” C also quoted B when she said she doesnt want to walk in the rain and said “like omg just stfu that just pisses everyone more off, sounding so sarcastic” like im just confused on where this came from? And B then sent another message being like sorry basically, and A answered that shes not mad we didnt come cause its her job after all, but shes dissapointed cause her company wasnt good enough apparently. Im just confused like is it that serious we didnt go on the walk this one time like we do a bunch of other stuff together maybe not as often nowadays but thats cause of work for me and then school for them mostly and then a combination of other personal stuff in life for all.

It's so strange that in my 19 years of life I have never seen able to make any friends. I do have one friend whom I went to school with and whom I have known for 15 years but now that she has a Bf we don't get to talk as much. Even in Uni I still haven't been able to make any friends. I'm an introvert so it's already kinda hard for me to talk to people and to be honest it drains me out.

I don't really care about socialising or making friends that much as I'm more focused on my studies and getting successful but sometimes it hurts to have no one to talk to. I don't know what is the reason honestly if there's something wrong with me or what idk.

Sometimes I wonder if I died would anyone even care?

Maybe I'm too boring to talk or maybe my Vibes don't match here. It's so depressing sometimes to just be alone in class, at home, everywhere it sucks. Sometimes I just want to cry because there's literally nobody I can talk to.

I just wanted to vent here because like I said I don't have anyone to talk to.