Friendship Stories - page 3

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

yeah

idk know how to like

say this

without making it like

obvious

who its about

anyway

so like

it took me until like five minutes ago to figure this out

but I mean knowing me I've prob just been like

avoiding my feelings

for this long

bc like

what if they don't feel the same

like why is this what I'm thinking of

when I should be like

doing my work

like

why are they 99% of what I think of now

help me I'm going insane

*sobs*

and then like

what do I do with

with these like

these feelings

I don't wanna like

upset anyone

what do I do

ALSO HEY YOU (you know who you are) UHHHHHH YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS NUH UH UM ITS UHH THIS IS ABOUT ONE OF MY THEATRE FRIENDS TOTALLY HEH UM yeah...

IK EEP FUMBLING WHEN TALKING GRHRHRHHHGHGH GHGHHHHHHHH TS PMO WE'RE LIKE COLLEAGUES OR COWORKERS AND PEERS AND FRIENDS AND SCHOOLMATES AND LIKE I CANT EVEN TALK TO BRO IM GONNA CRASH OUT

ok. so like. how do I tell them. we're on good terms already, I don't want to ruin it. we joke about it all the time, making fun of it. I feel embarrassed every time we make fun of it, knowing damn well I'm in that position. God I hate this.

if you see this no you don't btw, you know who you are

I have always been more of a quiet person. I used to have a really tough time speaking up. I have gotten better about it though these last few years. I don't always have something to say, but I'm not afraid of talking anymore. because of this i have been able to make more friends and feel a little bit less out of place. but lately I can't stop feeling like nobody really cares about me. they would never really notice if I was gone. people forget to invite me to events, they never think about me as an option for activities or relationships. no one has ever asked me out or for my number or anything. I realize that most of this i have done to myself by being more of a reserved person. but it still hurts. I have my friends, but nobody ever texts me or asks me to hang out. I just feel like nobody cares about me and it really hurts.

(this was originally going to be a message to an ex-friend, however I changed my mind.)

Hey there. I know it's been a while since we really talked as friends, but I just can't help seeing how you're doing. Are you doing alright? I'm not exactly there to see for myself whether you are or not. I don't know why you started ignoring me, but just know that I don't really mind anymore. I have new friends. I'm not alone anymore. Soon, I won't have any ties with you at all, and no reason to remember you. And strangely, it doesn't bother me. I'm realizing that I don't need you, never needed you, and won't need you in the future, and you know what? I don't miss you. And I don't mean that in a mean way; I'm just letting you know in my own way that I've moved on. It hurt for a while, yes, but now? It doesn't hurt anymore. Keep being you, Amy. I loved you and loved being your friend while it lasted.

Cym

last night I was out with some friends and I don’t really know how to put this into words because maybe I’m just overthinking things but I’m also not sure if I did something wrong. I’m 28, a man, and honestly money is tighter for me than for some of my friends, I don’t complain because life is what it is, and we all have our situations. they suggested this restaurant and I went along, thinking “okay just enjoy it, don’t stress.” everyone started ordering these fancy meals, steaks, seafood, bottles of wine that looked very expensive, and I just felt a bit out of place. I didn’t want to be a killjoy, but I also knew if I joined in I’d end up with a credit card balance I couldn’t really manage. so I ordered one of the cheapest meals on the menu and a diet coke, I was happy with it, it filled me up and it was good enough for me. 😅 I didn’t think it was a big deal, but when the bill came everyone started saying “let’s just split it evenly, makes it easier.” I stayed quiet for a second because I didn’t want to make it awkward, but then I said politely, “actually if it’s alright I’ll just pay for my part, I only had this and that.” nobody yelled at me or anything, but the vibe shifted a little. it was like they weren’t expecting that, and I could feel eyes on me, like maybe I was being selfish or cheap. am I selfish for that? or am I just being realistic? I don’t even know anymore, because I felt like I did the fair thing.

to be clear, I didn’t refuse rudely, I just explained nicely and tried to keep a smile. I even offered to add a little bit extra for tip to make sure the waiter was treated well, because in my mind that’s the respectful part of eating out. one friend made a half joke, like “come on man, don’t be calculating, it’s just easier this way.” I laughed it off, but in my head I was thinking of the line “don’t spend money you don’t have to impress people you don’t like,” though I do like my friends, I just think the quote fits the idea. I never said that to them of course, I stayed polite. the funny part is that later one of them privately said, “yeah I get it, I should probably do the same sometimes.” so maybe I’m not alone in this feeling. I kept wondering if being honest about my finances makes me selfish, or if it’s actually more selfish to expect someone to cover an expensive share of something they didn’t eat or drink. 🤔 isn’t that an okay question? I’m not angry, I just want to see different perspectives.

in the end I don’t think it ruined the night. we still laughed, talked, and walked out together like normal friends do. I don’t hold grudges, I don’t think they do either, but there is a small part of me that wonders if next time I should just go with the flow and split evenly to avoid that moment, or if I should stick with what feels fair and honest. I like to stay hopeful that real friends will understand, that money doesn’t define connection, and maybe even that this could open small conversations about how not everyone has the same wallet. life is strange, sometimes I think it’s testing how we balance being kind to ourselves and kind to others. if you were in my shoes, would you have done the same? or would you think it’s better to pay the extra for the “group harmony”? thank you for reading, I mean that sincerely. I hope one day I won’t even worry about this stuff, but for now it’s where I am, and I want to stay positive and just keep learning.

so... am I selfish here?

Guys, this may sound so ridiculous but I need help.

I've been in an orchestra in 2 months. There's a 44 y.o man that I really obsess over. I'm 18 btw.

He's a nice guy and he makes me feel like I'm not a stranger. He always notices me.

I'm so obsessed to the point that after he joined the orchestra, he's my only hope for a day of practice session. I don't want him to leave.

I don't want to be more than friends with him cause he has a wife; but I want to be in contact with him. I know that if he gets out of my life, nothing is going to happen and he's not gonna affect any aspect of my life; but I'm still worried.

I don't know if he's gonna appear in the next orchestra project or not and that's what stresses me. Also, my parents are judging me and they think I'm a devil who wants to ruin a marriage...

(I forgot to say that I had a history with this kind of obsession which led to something horrible)

_now how can I get rid of this obsessions and normalize my friendship with him, just like anything else?

In 2019 I met this friend online on a game and sometime in 2020 they cut me off but then came back to me in 2022 and then in 2023 cut me off again but now they are back again and I am so worried that if I say the wrong thing that it will be another repeat year of me getting attached and then hurt when they cut me off. They say they arent as unstable but sometimes they make a comment or two that I have to bite my tongue so I dont upset them it also probably doesnt help that we are both autistic. Im really hoping that this time is the time we keep a friendship so we dont have to go through a big fight and then apologies next year. One last thing am I dumb for being hopeful this time or is it normal to be hopeful after giving someone so many chances?

hiya! so basically i've known this person ,we'll call her Lauren I guess, for about three years now. we met during classes one day and we sort of just became friends, she wanted things I had (food, money, drinks etc.) and I wanted friends. so she convinced me to do all these things such as skipping classes, skipping meals, and other things of the like. she would tell me really sad things about herself (that I'm not even sure whether they're true anymore) and then i'd feel obligated to give her stuff, or comfort her. then she would get involved in my love life and things and ruin my relationships. she kept getting me to buy her stuff, and do stuff with her, then she blamed ME when we got caught. and so about four weeks ago, I skipped class and went downtown with her. and then when we went back to school, she was really distant and stuff. and then a friendly acquantance told me she'd went around talking shit about me after she got back. which pissed me off a little. so I messaged her that evening going

me: "heyy lauren! how was your day? yeah someone just told me you talked shit about me?"

her: "well one of my friends just pointed out we dont do good things together"

me: "you mean the things you reccomend?"

her: "well I reccomend we don't be friends anymore"

me: "no I mean you recommend and ask me to do all the things your friends are warning you about."

and so I blocked her and told her to fuck off. then the next day she went around and talked shit about me AGAIN.

and she started coming up to me asking me for shit. then one day i got called into the principals office and they said "do you know of any stealing from the gas station down the street?" so I was confused. and said I didn't know. then after the made me write down I had no idea anyone I knew was stealing. then Lauren said "oh yeah they have footage of me slipping a drink in your bag when you weren't looking. but I just said I was forced to do it." obviously I was very confused and a little pissed. because I wasn't aware she put the drink into my bag. and so then I heard from one of the teachers daughters that Lauren told them I forced her to do It. so I told the principal what Lauren had told me. and she got in a lot of trouble, and in even more trouble from the teacher for lying. so then she wasn't too happy about that, and gathered a group of people (her 'friends') to lie about me. but one of the people she asked to lie about me, told me what she was going to do, so I went and talked to a deputy principal. I told a few of my friends what had happened, and she said to anyone who would listen that I was a manipulative bitch, and started dead naming me, then said me "talking shit" about her was really getting to her. then she came into school the next day with a hangover. and started saying she had 30 shots because she was sad about me. then her friends started "Warning" my friends that IM the bitch who ruins everyone's lives. and then she still has the audacity to come up to me and talk to me.

Hey guys, I've got something to get off my chest. I'm 17, a dude, and somehow managed to have zero friends at school. Like, it seriously sucks, ya know? I was hoping to find a squad to hang out with, but here I am ranting here on a website I didn''t know before; thank God I found it... Anyway, I thought I'd share my thoughts and see if anyone else has been in the same boat or has some advice.

So, here's the deal. Every day it's the same old story. I walk into class, do my thing, and then it's goodbye till tomorrow. It's boring and sometimes I feel like a ghost in the hallways. No one notices me and I don't know how to change that. I tried to join a club or two, but it was awkward, and I just ended up standing around feeling even more out of place. It's hard, you know? Everyone has their groups, and it's like trying to break into a secret society or something.

Feeling this way gets me thinking – maybe it's just me. When I do get the courage to speak, usually, words come out all wrong. Man, it's frustrating! I bet someone out there gets what I'm trying to say, right? Sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky or if I have some kind of "this guy is a misfit" vibe. It's not like I'm asking for much. I'd be happy to find just one guy or girl who shares an interest or two. Just someone to laugh at dumb jokes with or hang out at the mall. No drama, no big fanfare; just simple friendship, ya know?

I've decided not to give up, though. I mean, being 17 and having no friends isn't a life sentence. There's gotta be a way out of this solo game. Maybe I'll try some new stuff, like helping out with an event or revitalizing the library's comic section. I've heard stories of people finding mates by doing those random things, so why not? Plus, I could use some good karma; might as well put myself out there and see what happens. "You'll reap what you sow," they say. I'm clinging to that wisdom right now.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I've realized I'm definitely not alone in feeling like this. And truthfully, that makes it a bit easier to bear. I'm sticking with an open mind and being hopeful. If this has taught me anything, it's patience. Oh, and to those out there who feel the same; just hang in there, don’t let it get you down. Your future friends might be right around the corner, just waiting for you to notice them. The world’s big and there's someone out there who's looking for a friend like you too. So yeah, keep your head up, and maybe throw a smile to someone next time – could be the start of something.

omg I don’t know why i’m on here I’m at band practice rn so I can’t actually talk face to face with someone about this but BASICALLY. a couple weeks back on my birthday my friend got PISS drunk despite me not wanting her to at this other friends house and she ended up throwing up everywhere for like five hours. it sucked. she said she’d make it up to me and hasn’t, and then half an hour ago had a go at me for being pissed at her all the time with no explanation. shes so weird. im so weird. our relationship is so fucking weird. guitarist and drummer tension ig. and she just talks like everything is normal but it’s not but how would she know??? I suck at communication and the conversation or her having a go at me ended like 30 minutes ago i cant just bring it up now and UGH oh my god I feel like an idiot. id go more into depth but I can’t be bothered. sos for terrible grammar im not reading this back

I feel that privacy is a fundamental point in everyone's life, and not everyone values ​​it because it is precisely in this space where the free development of ideas can occur. Privacy is ours when there is a set of circumstances that are constant over time, and whose alteration in the future is impossible from the present, unless there is an external circumstance that prevents it, and of course, it is exceptional in nature.

I remember an aunt who didn't value privacy because she initially based her way of being on judging, of course in part, my way of being based on conversations she had with third parties. Without a doubt, I wondered why she held these opinions if she wasn't part of them. She, along with my relatives, always liked family to be a certain way, and for another, the principles they held dear to them to be maintained outside of their control, as when interacting with them. Ironically, for the former, it was one thing, and for the latter, another.

I'm very expressive, since lately I've been constantly expressing my emotions, and that has given my life an interesting twist. It's impressive how much an event can lead me to develop, to the point where I've longed, I confess, to distance myself from anything that impacts my way of life. That is, I seek to be as constant as possible under certain circumstances, leading me to the point of not seeking out relationships that lead me to new experiences. I recognize that this is why, for some time now, I've been single: the fact that I'm a person who generates numerous ideas.

I like to be in constant circumstances, and although they also generate ideas, they turn into a constant deepening of them, leading me to see things more holistically, that is, interconnecting parts of one thing and interconnecting these things with another. When an eventuality arises that disrupts my routine, that is, such constant circumstances, they lead me to break with those ties, or at least with that structuring, temporarily, of course. Indeed, I know that issues outside of routine are fruitful, however, the point is that one was aiming for a certain path and it was derailed, that's what bothers me.

I have to admit it too, I feel that everything affects me. I'm not like other people, at least within their perceptions of themselves, and of course I'm talking about the group around me. I feel things with an intensity that is overwhelming to me. It's like feeling like those individuals, within the notion I have of them, who call themselves highly sensitive people. However, on this point I prefer not to argue. Although I have to admit that perhaps this lifestyle, where I always express everything I feel, is ultimately a mechanism of pressure on myself, simply for the sake of doing this exercise, to observe every detail and take action, something my family members engaged in.

My family members were simply perfectionists. They observed everything I did and retaliated accordingly. Any deviation was worthy of reproach. For me, it stems from their high anxiety about unforeseen consequences in their environment. This is the issue that drives me to constantly express myself precisely because the events of my life have led me to encounter surprises, just when I thought I was headed in a different direction. I recognize that such an effort to stay within the same routine satisfies this need. Furthermore, since it results in a form of interaction with others given my absence, it is an achievement for me with my environment. That is, I have achieved a certain path with it, which is that they do not interfere with it. Opening up has allowed me to focus on my feelings, on what I feel, and to feel, in some way, even in the midst of this type of interaction, safe with others. It makes me forget their actions, just as they also forget the interaction they had with me. In fact, this is what has caused me, even if it doesn't happen, to avoid the spaces they frequent.

I had never before faced this reality: the reason for my loneliness. By opening up, by staying within this safety zone, I have also managed to sustain it at all costs, because with the delicacy involved in social relationships, it is easy to be left alone. That is precisely what I have sought social security because I have felt it is the only thing I can achieve with others. Indeed, the events will be varied and there will be lowered expectations, but that leads me to shelter in my isolation and protect it. That is, I carry out processes that lead me to places I know I'm going to reach, something that didn't happen before. I repeat, it's my only successful social interaction...

So I’m a 29-year-old guy, and I guess you could say I’ve hit that stage where life has shifted gears pretty fast, and now I’m stuck reflecting on what it means to still be a good friend when my circumstances have changed so drastically; my best friend and I have been close for more than 15 years, practically brothers, and while I’ve always thought of myself as someone dependable, consistent, and available, I can’t help but feel lately that I’ve been falling short in those categories because starting a family has naturally consumed a lot of my time, energy, and emotional bandwidth, and I don’t want him to feel left behind or like he’s not as important anymore because that is absolutely not true, but it’s tough, really tough, to maintain that same level of commitment when you’re balancing a full-time job, parenting duties, home maintenance tasks, and just the overall operational workload that comes with adult life 😅. We used to hang out almost every weekend, talk almost daily, and share every little update about our lives, whether it was venting about work stress, sharing new music we discovered, or just sitting in silence playing video games like we always did; now, our conversations are fewer, our meetups are sporadic, and most of the time I’m the one having to reschedule or cancel plans because something came up with my wife or kid, and although he says he understands, I can’t shake off the feeling that maybe he doesn’t completely, or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it because he doesn’t want to pressure me, but in reality, it makes me feel like I’m letting him down when I know he probably misses the old dynamic as much as I do. I’ve been reading a bit about emotional labor, time management frameworks, and the importance of maintaining social capital, and while I can apply these theories at work or when organizing family commitments, applying them to a friendship feels oddly transactional, which is not what I want, because I don’t want our relationship to feel like I’m just “slotting him in” whenever I can, but sometimes that’s exactly what it looks like, and it frustrates me. I wonder—do I owe it to him to be more proactive? Should I set recurring reminders to check in, even if it’s just sending a meme or voice note? Would that feel authentic or robotic??? What does being a better friend actually mean in this stage of adulthood??? Is it quality over quantity now, or should I fight harder for quantity too??? I think back to all those years when he was always there for me without question, and it makes me worry that now he needs me more than ever, and I’m too distracted or occupied to notice. Some people say true friends don’t need to talk every day, and when they reconnect, it’s like no time has passed, but does that still hold weight when one person might silently feel the gap more than the other? There’s this concept in organizational psychology about “relational maintenance strategies,” and I wonder if I should treat our friendship in that structured sense—open communication, assurances, shared activities, even if limited—because clearly I need to recalibrate; I don’t want to overthink this, but I also don’t want to assume everything’s fine when maybe it isn’t. I want to learn how to balance the dual responsibilities of being a present family man while also not dropping the ball on a friendship that has been foundational to who I am, and maybe that means I have to be more intentional about the little things, like shooting him a quick text during lunch breaks, or planning something once a month no matter what, even if it’s just a coffee or quick catch-up call, because consistency might matter more now than spontaneity. At the same time, I also don’t want to ignore the fact that relationships evolve, and maybe he’s okay with less contact and I’m the one projecting, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t it still be polite and respectful to actually ask him rather than assume??? I guess what I’m really struggling with is how to reconcile this new version of my life with the old, without feeling guilty, because guilt doesn’t help anyone, and yet it lingers, making me doubt whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m being enough, and whether I even know what the definition of a “good friend” is anymore.

I keep circling back to the question: is friendship supposed to adjust naturally to life stages, or should it be actively managed like a project with KPIs and feedback loops??? That sounds sterile, but when time is scarce, intentionality is everything, right??? Maybe the real answer is to simply communicate—tell him what I feel, ask him directly what he needs, and go from there, instead of assuming or silently carrying this pressure on my own. What do you think—does being a better friend mean doing more, or just being more open??? 🤔

I’d really love to hear other perspectives because I know I’m not the only one facing this type of transition; do you think I’m overthinking it??? Or maybe underdoing it??? What would you expect from a friend if you were in his position??? Thanks for listening.

so like I've been questioning the possibility of being trans!!! but also not. because I feel like I want to be a guy, but I feel like if I transitioned, I'd end up wanting to go back, and then go back again and again and I just don't know. And if I were biologically a guy it would be the same; want to be a girl, transition, want to go back, go back, want to transition again over and over. it's so weird and I don't understand it. It's not like being gender fluid, where it changes; it's like being both but also one or the other and also neither ALL AT THE SAME TIME ALWAYS. It's so weird and I don't have a label to stick on myself or pronouns or anything

BUT also good thing my mom said I can go to the Renaissance Faire in three weeks so maybe that'll take my mind off of my whole gender thing

so recently i find out my male best friend of 3years has been ignoring me. I mean at first i thought he needs some time like cause he also has friends but every time we leave school I am who tries to find him and talk to him, I always try reach but not him. I am not trying to make this about myself cause even when we just stand next each other I feel like be does not want to talk to me and he knows about my difficulties with friends. And its not he does not talk to girls at all but its specifically me he is not talking to i feel very betrayed I'm not trying to act like a jealous female friend of some sort i just want to talk to me once again like we did in 8th grade. What should I do?