Friendship Stories - page 5

I feel like I need to be cautious around a woman I’ve observed to be prejudiced. She feels almost like family to me, yet I sense that her prejudices keep her tightly bound—and although she tries to break free from them, it seems like they’re stronger than she is.

She’s a deeply religious person, and that terrifies me. Her way of enforcing rules—under the guise of "care"—comes across as imposing. I used to be like that too, but over time, I’ve distanced myself from that mindset.

Now I understand how others must have felt around me back then. She has a daughter—pretty, charming even—but the idea of being close to her, especially knowing who her mother is, makes me uneasy. I don’t know what secrets the daughter may be hiding, even though she presents herself as an open, accepting teenager. I feel like I can't step out of the mold they’ve placed me in, or else there’ll be trouble. Honestly, I think the wise thing for me to do is walk away from their lives. Now I understand how some girls used to feel about me.

It was nice to meet them, but under the weight of this devaluing energy, I can’t say I want them in my life. Their deep involvement in things like religion makes me feel like they’re rooted in a kind of worldview that demands change in others—to align with what they believe is right—while barely acknowledging other people’s principles. It feels suffocating. I’m scared they might try to change me, in a way that doesn’t let me come back to myself—just through guilt.

I sense that, because I’m easy to pull along, I come off as attractive to her daughter—and that she engages with me mostly out of family guilt, at least from what I can tell.

I met them when I bought coffee from them. That interaction with the woman left me feeling that her every gesture was rigid, almost mechanical. I know she tries to be kind and patient with others, but I don’t want to go any deeper—I don’t want to see her anger. They seem “too good to be true,” and I feel like running away, because one day the mask is going to drop.

What sort of assumptions might they be making—without even realizing—while thinking they’re just protecting me? I’m honestly worried that they could interpret my behavior as harmful. Right now, I’m uneasy because the woman didn’t reply to me. She saw a few of my posts, which held values opposite to hers, and then I saw something she shared about toxic people. I’m afraid she was talking about me. I hate how she makes me feel—like who I am doesn’t align with the way she idealizes me. It makes me feel like I depend on her approval, and that’s a cage. That dependency brings on this anxiety.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

These are people you’d want to test—just to be sure their helpful spirit isn’t being exploited. But within that family, it’s been easy to keep things safe as long as I’ve stayed at a distance. Still, I don’t know if there are unspoken lines I’ve crossed without realizing. Honestly, I feel like I’m walking through a minefield.

I want to get away from this family. They present themselves as tolerant, but their roots and rigidity make me feel like this is headed for something terrible—silent, hard to name, and even harder to escape once I’m in too deep. I now understand exactly why my friends used to avoid me. Running into someone from my past has turned into a waking nightmare—something that feels just about to begin. I never thought I’d feel this way about myself.

And what’s worse, I think they may be entirely unconscious of the harm they could cause. They might normalize my changes—as long as they lead to what they see as ideal. They’d applaud every part of the process, even when I’m clearly lost or hurting. It’s like they want me to fail just to guide me back toward who they want me to be.

I feel the risk of being erased. Maybe I’m just confused—but the burden of trusting that they’re not what they seem feels too heavy. Maybe that’s why I’m saying all these things, about how they appear to be—things I hope they wouldn’t actually do. Sure, I bet they’re different when you really talk to them, but the level of emotional effort they expect from others feels crushing and guilt-inducing. That alone makes me feel trapped. I’m scared I’ll test the waters just out of habit—and get stuck.

Honestly? Now I understand why no one wanted to date me before.

Why do i feel attached to people who hurt me? So like, i have this friend, whom i considered one of my few close friend, i told him i was bi, he was fine with it, but after a yew years he suddenly just texted me smth like "i hate people who's being special on purpose" "if you weren't bi you would be more special" "instead of posting art why not focus on getting a scholarship", honestly this hurts me a lot, i blocked him but for some reason a part of me wants to unblock him and still text him- like i miss him but i hate him idkkkkk- i also made friends with someone, i liked them a lot even tho they told me how to hrm myslf and took pictures of me even tho i told them dont, which made me uncomfortable, so why did i feel so sad and lonely when they were gone?

Leering, pointing, laughing

'Oh it's only banter'

'It's just a joke'

'We're only messing around'

'You can take a joke can't you'

I tread carefully around everywhere

Stares from everyone

Whispers and sneers

Fear weighing me down

Following the river of my tears

Every day the same

Glares and frowns

'Freak'

'She's nothing like us'

Every comment leaves a mark

Burnt into my skin

Etched into my brain

Carved into my heart

The cruel words tornadoing around my head

'Tramp'

Brusies from their bullets

Cuts from their words

Shattered like glass

Am I made of glass?

I feel really just numb today. I keep forcing a smile onto my face because it's my birthday, but whenever I'm alone I zone out completely and allow myself to feel nothing. This morning was really difficult. I almost missed the bus because I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. But hey, I didn't miss the bus. Now I'm here at school, being ignored by people I now see to be my ex-friends. So why did I get out of bed this morning? I have no idea. I'm in band class as I type this, supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble but listening to Paralysed by NF on loop while playing BitLife and ignoring the fact that my two ex-friends are sitting so close and not even glancing in my direction. Nobody at school knows today's my birthday except for Angel, my bestie. So woo-hoo, happy birthday to me I guess. Angel made a little birthday song for me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, let the gayness run through you, happy birthday to you" and yeah, when she sang it, I forced a laugh and a smile, but I didn't really feel much. I just thought, "Perhaps that was meant to be funny. Guess I'll laugh now." so yeah. Guess depression got the best of me or something. I dunno.

In January of this year, I went out clubbing with my boyfriend and an ex-friend. When we arrived, my boyfriend asked my ex-friend if she had an edible, and she gave him one. He consumed half of it, usually less than what he usually takes because he is attentive to us. He would normally eat a whole edible, sometimes even two. My friend and I pre-gamed as usual and went into the club. About 30 minutes later, my boyfriend said he needed to go to the bathroom. About half an hour passed, and he never returned, so we started calling and texting him and eventually went looking for him. We found him semi-conscious and very sick in a bathroom stall. He asked to be left alone to throw up and said he’d be okay.

At that point, my ex-friend began to panic about how we would get him home and started texting her boyfriend. I introduced them to each other, and they had only been dating for about two months at the time of this incident. He was not supportive and essentially blamed her for the situation. He said this was the "consequences of our actions" and screenshotted their conversation. She started crying, saying she "hates when he gets like this." I tried to help her communicate with him but realized it was no use, so I reached out to a separate friend who agreed to pick us up. Meanwhile, the club’s security saw that my boyfriend was not doing well and gave him water. Eventually, he made it outside on his own and continued throwing up. I checked in with him, and he told me to go back in and enjoy the night, so I tried to relax a bit while waiting for our ride. During that time, my ex-friend didn’t say anything supportive and stayed cold and distant. I will admit I got upset in the heat of the moment and called her a bitch, but I instantly apologized because I realized she was probably hurt over her boyfriend's actions.

Once our ride arrived, we left. My boyfriend threw up a bit more, but after getting food, he started to feel much better. We ensured he didn’t drive, and everyone got home safely. On the way home, my ex-friend said she was canceling all her birthday plans (her b-day was the following weekend), including with her boyfriend, and didn’t want to celebrate anymore. The next day, I sent a message to both of them apologizing if I had said or done anything wrong while drunk and expressed how glad I was that we made safe choices. My boyfriend responded, took accountability, and we worked through it. My ex-friend, however, ghosted me and never responded. She remained active on social media the whole time but ignored me. Her boyfriend contacted me asking if I had heard from her, which I didn't, but I told him I would let him know. About two days later, she finally replied saying she didn’t think things between us would ever be the same. She claimed she felt alone that night, had to be responsible for getting us home, and said she no longer wanted a friendship with my boyfriend because he had called her toxic. He did admit that he texted her multiple times, worried for her, and he did call her toxic for refusing to at least let us know that she was there. I responded respectfully, pointing out that I had actually arranged the ride home, and her boyfriend hadn’t been concerned for our safety. I also said that if she needed space, she could’ve just said that instead of ignoring me. She responded with a short, dismissive message and never followed up.

I later reached out wishing her a happy birthday in hopes that maybe we could try to patch things up. She replied with a short “thank you,” and has continued to ghost me since then. She’s been active and went on to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend, despite previously saying she wouldn’t be doing anything. She’s made zero effort to reconnect or talk things out, yet seemed to have instantly taken him back and was willing to work through their issues. On a side note, I have a friend who owns a dispensary and strongly believes my boyfriend’s reaction was due to being laced, especially given how extreme it was in comparison to his usual tolerance. I don't really want to believe this was the reality and sadly we'll never know. All we know is that her boyfriend had given her said edible and she claimed it was from a dispensary.

I’m still deeply hurt by the situation and am just trying to find closure since it's evident she won't be providing it. Her and I have gone through a lot together, and it hurts knowing that she's willing to throw it all away yet accept a man she's barley known. It is her first relationship so I kinda understand but I'm still hurt. I started to reflect on the way she had been treating me and I feel like there may have been signs. When she started dating him, she would take him to go do plans her and I made. I would always beg her to play video games with me, yet she'd go offline mode and play with him. I even made a "joke" about feeling replaced and she kinda ignored it. I've spoken to many friends about the incident and many just tell me she was/is a crappy friend and to move on. But I guess it hurts knowing someone who I wanted to be in my life forever would do this to me. If you've read this far, thank you.

I won't share my age or anything, I just need to get it off of my chest.

So, I have this friend, we can call her S to make is easier, S does sports, running, she serves at a church and grew up in a home where her dad was a marathon runner and had a spacious home growing up, no siblings.

I'm just here, no sports experience besides a bit of badminton and frisbe, no teams, I barely go out and I have to sleep with my dad to make sure he needs something, sometimes I sleep on my own bed in a room me and my older sister shares, my older sis sleeps in another bed.

I know writing this makes me sound whiny and pathetic, but I genuinely wonder if she knows if what she says about me is just a joke and won't affect me. "Your such a big back!" "Of course you take your anger out" "Imagine tryna insult me" along with being hypocritical, she would say were 'past a song' then proceeds to play it?? "No one cares that you ate 2 popcorn bags" Well I'm sorry, but no one cares that you thought a noise was something else or that you think the teacher did something 'sus' as you call it. It makes me get an overwhelming sense of emotions, anger, sadness or outright tiredness.

I know she means well but I can't seem to be well myself, I'm confused about my emotional state to the point where I rather be alone with a pen and paper than be with my actual friends, but instead, I lash out and do things I regret after calming down.

I hate this, I hate how I'm supposedly the friend she's talk to if she doesn't have anyone else to comfort or to talk to. I'll be talked to if we're either sitting together or she's with others she doesn't like.

But hey, in the end I'm just 'the introverted artist' friend. S, we aren't in some youtube shorts POV, its real life and what you say to me is gonna make me have second thoughts.

... Man, I sound like I'm complaining, sorry.

I've lost myself, I think. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm mad at everybody for reasons I can't explain. I'm upsetting everyone somehow but I don't remember when I say or do something to upset people. My memory gaps have gotten so bad that all of my friends probably hate me but I don't remember why. Where has my memory gone? who even am I anymore?

This morning I remember I got a small nosebleed and had some blood on my hands, and I'm used to nosebleeds so it's not a big deal. It ended as I got to morning holding (that's when everyone who didn't go to breakfast sit in the gym and wait to go to class) and my friend Emma was like "Did you get a nosebleed?" And I was like "yeah" so she handed me some tissues.

Then my memory skips to me talking to my friend next to me, the blood on my hand is mostly gone, and I can sense that people are upset with me, but I have no idea what I said now. I don't remember saying anything, or even looking at the person who seemed most upset with me. I just asked him, and he said I called him an asshole for trying to help him, and then when he asked what he did I said "Oh yeah what'd YOU do..." BUT I DONT REMEMBER ANY OF IT. Now he won't talk to me (even more so than usual, he's been ignoring me lately) and I'm genuinely scared at why this memory gaps happened. It's happened before, but usually I remember something, like a person's face, or what happened to make me say something, nut I don't remember. It's like my memory was wiped clean of that exact moment and I have no idea why.

Happy birthday to me I guess🎊🥳🎉!! April 9th😃🙏🏻✨!! Spending my birthday with family in Vegas. Then headed back to California to celebrate with my bestie in May🤩!! Super excited!!! I look forward to seeing my bestie😄!! I haven't seen her in months since I moved🫠. The Cali beach is calling me🏖️!! Many people I've heard don't think California is fun... I don't understand that, but maybe I'm just easy to please... To a certain extent😅. I'm easy to please when it comes to activities... But I'm a picky humor person or a picky eater, etc... so, again, certain things are easy for me to enjoy.

Anyways, I wish my mom was with me, but she passed away in October of 2024, so this is the 1st birthday I'm having without my mom😭. Definitely trying to have a positive day though😋👍🏻! Eating good food, drinking lots of water and Propel, and it's good to get money usually💸💰🤑!! But either way, I know I'm one of the lucky ones and I'm not denying that🙂. I hope everyone else has a wonderful day, and I'll try to do the same🙃.

idk why but my friend is being rlly distant fsr

I only started noticing when my other friend brought it up

me and him used to be best friends but now its like we dont know eachother anymore

all of this has honestly given new meaning to "Somebody That I Used To Know"

I hate my friendgroup. I'm talking to one friend, ok, and we're just chilling. Then one of my other friends come over and it's like I don't even exist anymore. Some are worse than others (Friend list follows: A, B, M, T, H, J, A2), like B will comepletely ignore me and then start yapping with H and T like nothing happened, and J and A are better, although once they start talking about Genshin Impact I'm gone in the background again. A2 is the only friend I have that doesn't make me feel invisible, and I cherish her for that. Right now I'm sitting in Band Class and T and B (the only friends I have in band) are sitting halfway across the room, talking to each other. They haven't glanced my way once, and only T has spoken to me and it was only briefly until she saw B sitting over there and moved to talk to him. I just hate being invisible. Why is it ME who has to be invisible? like, me and B used to be best friends. What in the world happened? Was it The Great Split, as I've taken to calling it? (that was when our friendgroup split into two parts, I've talked about the split on here before, it's not exactly a new thing.) B, T, and H are all on the same half... is that why they won't talk to me? But they still talk to the rest of our half, I see them talking with A, J, and M all the time. So what is it with me that I'm just invisible to them? and it's not just them, I'm invisible to my own half as well. I talk with A and J and M a lot more than I talk with the other three, but I'm kind of invisible to M a lot, and as I said before, once A and J bring up Genshin Impact there's no point in trying to be visible anymore. And not to mention the fact that I sometimes third wheel A and M. (they're dating.) I cherish all my friendships, but it seems like a lot of them are ending and there's nothing I can do about it except just watch as everything crumbles and dies. I'm forever alone, except when A2 is there. She's awesome. But I swear I can't anymore with this friendgroup. My legs are covered in fresh scars, because at night I can't see the light at the end of this ridiculously long tunnel. My story may come to an end sooner than I'd like to admit. All I want right now is someone's loving arms around me, telling me that things will be ok, that things will go back to the way they used to be, that I'll never be invisible again, that time is going to rewind to the good old days when nobody was invisible and nobody was depressed and everybody was heard and loved and supported but I don't have that person telling me all those things so nothing will be ok nothing at all and I just can't take anymore my story needs to end and when it does everyone will go back and read it and say "good riddance, that story was horrible" and they won't miss me and I can tell they're all waiting to see the end and I just can't do this anymore and if I can't end my story I'll continue it somewhere that isn't SC.

Don't let this darkness fool you. All lights turned off can be turned on. I'll drive, I'll drive all night. I'll call your mom. Oh, dear, don't be discouraged. I've been exactly where you are. I'll drive, I'll drive all night. I'll call your mom.

(song: Call Your Mom by Noah Kahan, go listen to it, it's very comforting <3)

I'm getting really annoyed with my friend B. he seems so distant now and everything I used to do that he found funny or smt he seems to find weird now, like he gives me a look when I do it. and he judges me for everything I do. Literally I've been changing myself so that I can be a better friend to him but he just doesn't appreciate at all what I do for him. it might sound like I'm being selfish but seeing as i've nearly lost sight of who I really am trying to be someone else for him I don't care how selfish I sound. and when he gets triggered he expects me to be like "OH IM SO SORRY R U OK DO YOU NEED A HUG" which I am like that when he gets triggered but he doesn't seem to care about my triggers or boundaries at all. literally ive had to start ignoring my own boundaries bc he ignores them all the fucking time. and I'm fucking done with it. I might be overreacting but idc. hes changed and now I'm not sure if were even friends anymore. when I'm triggered or upset he fucking jokes about it to "cheer me up" but I have music to do that. when I'm triggered, in the moment what I need is support and I never get that from him even if he's the only friend nearby when I get triggered for whatever reason, like he expects me to just fucking deal with it on my own. and yet he expects me to be there for HIM when HES upset or triggered! and then when I do to him what he does to me he's like "you are a horrible person" LOOK AT YOURSELF ASSHOLE! YOU DO THE SAME SHIT TO ME, YET YOU EXPECT TO GET BETTER TREATMENT FROM ME? THINK AGAIN BITCHFACE! and he also expects me to be interested in every single one of HIS interests and looks at ME like mine are WEIRD. He called me fucking PARASOCIAL for liking Kpop idols, like what? YOU SIMP OVER A FUCKING NUMBER FROM AN OBJECT SHOW! its like he thinks he's more important than me or something, and I'm done with it. I hate his fucking guts. I'm so done with his twisted idea of friendship . I've dealt with his shit long enough.

I fixed myself for you, just like you wanted me to! You wanted that, right? Of course you did. You saw I was broken and so I fixed it.

What did I fix? Well, I'm so glad you asked!

I'm not a Kpop fan anymore!

Why? You know why. You said it yourself: you saw my crushes on Kpop guys as parasocial. The connotation you gave the word was negative, so obviously you saw that part of me as broken. So I fixed it!

Here I am. New and improved!

Is there anything else you'd like me to fix?

...

oh.

You want me to fix that?

Don't worry, if it'll make you happy, I'll do it!

You'll recieve your new and improved Me in a day or two!

For now, enjoy the only slightly broken me!

Because this is what you want, right?

Of course it is.

And don't try to tell me otherwise. We both know I'll never be enough for you if I stay just the way I am. We both know I'll never be able to be a good friend to you if I'm just myself.

So let me change for you.

I might lose a bit of myself in the process, but if it makes you happy I don't care.

I hate my friend. It's like she never considers my feelings. She has never asked me how I am. Everyday it's like walking on a minefield around her, I don't know what will piss her off next. I hate how she makes me feel. Like I'm no one. I can't be my true self around her. I wanna end our friendship but that would mean I'd be alone for the rest of highschool. I cant make any other friends since I'm kind of a bullying target.