Friendship Stories - page 6

I have a group of about 8 friends. in the same class since about grade 1. after our discrepancies, we grew really close from around grade 8 till matric. we would have little outings here and there and it was fun

until we matriculated and grew apart little by little. we still manage to chat normally on the group, but it's not the same as before. since last year, I would dread going out. simply because they had changed and I had changed and topics that were of interest to them would not be the same for me. and that is obvious and understandable, as we are all growing and changing. what stands out to me is that everytime a plan to go out was made, the first thought that came to my mind was that I don't even agree with the topics they speak about, the jokes they make. some of them still remained close, had their inside jokes and all you know. they would even crack perverted jokes, leaving some discomfort and awkwardness in the air for me and another girl as those just weren't our thing. so maybe, you could say I didnt like to be around them because I didn't feel part of it ? like I didn't belong? I don't know. I basically didn't have the energy to enthusiastically go and look for the positives. being around them drained me because it was all so out of my interest line. I struggled to refuse everytime cuz they made it a bit hard. I did refuse a few times, but they always went on about how they always the ones putting in the effort and making plans, while others just blue tick, don't respond, and cancel plans

after a few months, the next time they made a plan, I dreaded again. but I gave it a shot, thinking I also need a break and maybe it's not that bad after all. one of my close friends, the one whose quite similar to me- quiet, not feeling like it's her people anymore either- didn't come on that day. I sat there normally, trying to enjoy the moment. later that night, I get a message from one of my friends( the one who complained about us cancelling) asking if I'm okay, and that I was oddly quiet. after a conversation, I explained the situation, how I don't feel like it, how and why I don't like to refuse and all, and she finally understood and said hope I get better? what did she mean ?

anyways, point is- they brought up the idea of another plan again (note we are all on good terms with eachother. she didn't hate on me after that convo, if you were wondering). this time, I wanted to go, and I was excited about the whole idea. but they're kind of delayed and haven't decided anything yet. I hesitated to ask because I know I'll be in now, and then slowly as the time comes to meet, I'll lose the excitement and begin dreading again. and then it's either a last minute cancellation ( which I know is unfair to everyone) or I am half heartedly present on that day. problem is, I usually do, and did, really enjoy being with them. even after I realised they weren't my people anymore, there were days when I went out/met them and actually fully enjoyed myself.

so.... I don't know what's the problem. why I feel this way. I guess I don't want to give them up because I also have quite a limited social life, and ofcourse, we've been close since childhood.

I don't know

my day went horrbie cuz I said the most stupids shit I ever said it bad cuz I didnt mean to say that it just came out of mouth I didn't want to do anything about it so I'ma just skip tm I don't wanna deal with this bullshit dude it hurts so fucking much I cant even explain how it does its fucking stupid I just want to kms after that I swear I don't wanna be here anymore after that dude I am hurt rn I am tried of this shit dude..

I'm learning Korean just for the fun of it (I'm a Kpop fan, don't judge me)

It's proving WAY harder than I originally thought ngl-

but I'm using Duolingo, and I listen to A LOT of Kpop, so I should be good ig?

idk

but listening to kpop in theory should help, it's possible (the lead singer of one ok rock [japanese] learned English by listening to Linkin Park so...)

When I told my friend I'm learning Korean, she said "Bro no way-"

idk it's like i'm just blank

i swear im not tryin to be dramatic or like make it all about me or whatever but like lately i just feel so invisible around my own friends. like we all in this group chat, right? nd we always been close, since like 8th grade or somethin. but now its like they all hang out without me nd pretend like its no big deal. they post pics together, go to the mall, get food, even do sleepovers nd im just there scrollin my phone like… cool. guess my invite got lost again. nd what hurts the most is that they dont even say anything about it after. no "sorry we forgot to ask u" or "u should come next time!" just silence. nd when i bring it up all i get is “oh it wasn’t really planned” or “it just sorta happened” like girl be fr, stuff dont “just happen” when u got matching outfits in the pic.

maybe it’s me tho. maybe i’m too quiet or weird or not fun enough. i dont got the best clothes or the prettiest hair or the funniest jokes. i try to be there for them always, like i hype them up, i listen when they got problems, i show up to stuff when they do remember to include me. but somehow it always feels like i’m on the outside. like a guest in a group that i used to be part of. like they all moved on nd i’m still here tryna hold on to somethin that ain’t even real anymore. nd then i start thinkin like, was i ever really their friend?? or was i just there, like background noise, someone they talked to when it was convenient but never really mattered to them?

the worst is when i see them laughin all hard in videos together or taggin each other in inside jokes. nd i’m sittin there like… ok cool guess i wasnt there for that moment either. nd i kno its dumb to get upset over social media, but when that’s the only way u find out your friends are hangin without u, it kinda stings different. nd then when i try to act like it dont bother me, they act like nothin happened. like we still tight. but it don’t feel tight. it feels fake. it feels like i’m holdin onto old memories while they makin new ones without me in it.

i been tryna figure out if i did something wrong. did i say something? act weird? maybe i’m annoying and no one wanna say it. maybe i’m just not enough for them anymore. nd it messes with my head fr. makes me scared to reach out first cuz what if they’re just being polite when they reply? what if they hang out again nd just don’t say anything bc they dont wanna deal with me bein upset? i hate feelin like i’m too much and not enough at the same time. nd the thing is i love them. i really do. they were like sisters to me. but lately i dont even recognize our friendship.

it makes me wanna pull away, like maybe if i stop trying so hard they’ll notice. but what if they dont? what if i stop texting nd no one even checks on me? what if i disappear nd it dont even matter? that’s what scares me the most. not being missed. being so easy to replace that my absence feels like peace instead of pain to them. nd i know that sounds heavy but its how i feel. i used to laugh with them every single day, we shared secrets, cried together, planned our futures. now it’s just awkward convos nd quick replies. nd me, watching from the sidelines.

so yeah, i dont kno why i’m the friend that gets left out. maybe i’m just not the kind of person people wanna keep around. maybe i care too much, feel too deep, talk too soft. but it hurts. it hurts more than i can say. nd i wish someone would just tell me the truth instead of slowly pushing me away like i wouldn’t notice. bc i did. i noticed everything. every missed invite. every picture i wasn’t in. every laugh that didn’t include me. i saw it all. nd even if i smile and act like i’m okay, i’m not. i’m really not.

My friend is deliberately ignoring me for reasons I can't explain. I've just kind of shut off the world. My voice stopped working so I can't talk to him to let him know how I feel. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't do life anymore. I can't find any reason to stay alive anymore. Either I'm going to kms or run away. Probably the former.

Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something to upset you? Do you not like the pins I made you anymore? I mean, if you don't like them, you can give them back or throw them out, I won't mind. I only spent 30 minutes drawing and colouring and cutting out and laminating each one just for you. But I mean, if you don't like them, I'll take them back. I'll throw them out, because they weren't good enough for you. I honestly have your best interests in minds.

Or is it something else I did? Did I say something bad? Did I upset you? Please just let me know what I did. Let me try to fix myself. I'm obviously broken. So let me know the ways I'm broken, so I can fix myself! I want to be the friend you want me to be. Let me know how I can change. Tell me how to be what you want me to be. I'll gladly change for you! All I need to make those changes is for you to tell me what's wrong, what I can change about myself, how I can help.

I can tell it's not you who's the problem. You still talk with the others like there's nothing wrong. It's just me you ignore. So obviously, I'm the broken one. Just let me know how I can be fixed. Please?

so today I had a really late bus so I missed the beginning of the day and got to school closer to the end of homeroom. When we were transitioning to related arts, I noticed one of my friends acting weird. He was being almost antisocial. I caught up with him and asked him if he was ok, and he nodded. This was weird, because he's usually really talkative.

Later, when we were going to our second related arts (which me and him share), I was busy typing something on my Chromebook and didn't notice him standing in the middle of the hall waiting for someone or something, but he didn't try to get my attention or anything. So I just went to the band locker room and got my instrument, not giving it any thought. But as I was leaving the locker room with my instrument to go to the band room, he was laughing and chatting like normal with one of our other friends who's also in band with us. Once again, I didn't think much of it.

But after class, during transition, he wouldn't even look at me, but was laughing and chatting as usual with some of our other friends. I was busy fangirling over Kpop idols with the Kpop half of the friendgroup (our friendgroup has two halves: us Kpop fans, and what I call the Freaky Ones), so I didn't pay much attention, but now that I'm sitting in class thinking about it... he was acting really weird. Usually me and him talk a lot, but he hasn't said a word to me today.

I've had many arguments with him in the past, but we always forgive each other. But today, he seems upset with me for reasons I can't explain. I haven't even had an argument with him lately. I'm just so confused. Honestly I'd rather he just tell me what I did so I can fix it, rather than ignore me and let me try to guess what I did to upset him. Literally, he knows the best way to handle any problems he has with me because of a little incident at the beginning of the year that resulted in me bawling my eyes out in confusion, so he should know that being direct with me is the only way to fix things.

I'm really just so confused, can someone please help?

so uhh, my friend, (we will call her purple) I love her, and I even got matching bracelets for us, which I NEVER do! and guess what? my other friend (we will call him blue) STARTED DATING HER TODAY. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE I LIKE HER, AND GUESS WHAT? THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM MY FRIEND, AND I CANT DO ANYTHIGN ABOUT THAT. ISNT IT GREAT? NO, ITS NOT. IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD, AND NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO LIVE THE NEXT YEARS OF SCHOOL LIKE THIS, KNOWING THAT THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN BY MY FRIEND. it hurts. it hurts so much. and I cant do anything about that. and if he ever sees or finds out a bout this, well then I'm sorry. I'm just so depressed knowing that she probably didn't even like me, and liked you instead. I know I sound jelous, or however you say it. but I already had a bad mental state, and this just got worse. #deppressionarc!

I’m so so frustrated, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I had this childhood best friend ( friends since age 3 ) who I dearly loved but as days went by she kept getting so toxic. For example she started hiding stuff from me while she told those same things to our other friends ( we are in the same friend group ). She went abroad for university while I stayed back and I was at peace for a while but recently I kept seeing that she becomes online whenever I am online. On my birthday she randomly posted a story where she posted pictures of our other friends and wrote “ Family “ . I mean obviously she can put pictures of our friends but why on my birthday????. Am I overthinking this?

What’s worse is that I keep dreaming about her, that we are normal, that she apologized, that we talk about what went wrong and it’s messing with my head. I know it was toxic and I know we are better off like this but I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I miss her so much?

I keep thinking that it’s my fault that everything turned out like this.

I’ve had a horrible couple months of being unemployed, procrastinating on school work to the point of failing, and overall going through a rough emotional headspace. I’ve taken this time to get to the root of the problem and really get to know myself and why exactly I feel the way I’ve been feeling for the past few years, it’s all been a cycle of going hard, burning out, and having nothing to show for it while everyone else seems to move along just fine… am I doing something wrong?

I have unmedicated ADHD so perhaps that has been quite an important step in realizing that my mental health and overall mental capacity is different to everyone else’s, and so it makes me feel so lonely and misunderstood especially when it comes to emotional topics, all my friends and family seem to turn away and not really get what I’m really trying to say.

Recently I had a huge fight with my mom about triggers and trauma and she kind of threw it in my face that I’m gay and that long story short; feels ashamed. I thought about it long and hard, and it made me feel even worse. All my friends have something to show for themselves and have a good support circle in their lives, meanwhile I feel like I have to come home alone and find solace in myself whenever I feel pain… I understand no one is coming to save me, but having something to call my own and fall back on would be so great…. I’m slowly but surely getting there, but I can’t help like I have to do it all alone.

So when I was in school me and my friends were arguing about which comes first egg or chicken but like some time I felt like they were double teaming so I tried to tell them and they wouldn’t listen so they started arguing at me at the same time I had a panic attack I told on of them and she said she didn’t care then she started saying I was a snitch and I didn’t care and it was my fault about what happened what she was talking about was 2 years ago in midfield school so I left and my other friend said I needed to apologized to her but I didn’t think I needed to so me and my friend made up I told my school friends about him and they told me to dump that friend so I blocked him on everything and I can’t get this argument out of my head.

Me and virgo have been friends for 4 some months and bit more. It's not news to me that this is a purely plain friendship, with no scope for anything else. But somehow I failed. This person has been a great great friend to me all these months, helped me in every way the could, been there for me, been sensible. Its just that I feel we 'll never be able to get on the same page ever. The equation between us is no more the same. It's just simple from that side, whereas it's quite complicated on my end now. I kept denying to myself and them the turmoil I felt within me everytime. It was not simple jealousy. It was much more. Me telling them every little thing in my daily life, every ups and downs, frustrations and joys, lead me here today. Obviously, what did I think. I would be able to maintain a simple friendship after involving them so much in my life? I should have listened to myself that I wouldn't be able to do this.

Today I am finding myself in a place to blame myself and no one else, even they might say it's all my fault, because truly it's mine only. They seem to be quite outgoing and chill with their girl buddies the same way they are with their guy buddies. They made that space for themselves where they can freely go out with whichever friend whenever. They are more open with their friends than their family. I am the opposite here. Another thing, they see every other friend the same way (atleast that's what they say), they love to travel, and take their friends out to travel. Travelling is their one true love. This person dropped the girl buddy to the railway station late at night (mind you, they are friends since long). They also took her out for her birthday and came home late at night (almost one half day of travelling). They are now planning a trip to rishikesh. Wow. They missed out on clearing that it's with this girl not a guy friend. And that's what really shattered me for good this time. I know this time it's irreparable. This person is so damn excited for a 2 day trip, looking to see if it's safe for girls. Also note that they've been going out a bit too often these days. Obviously they are kinda nearby to meet. Unlike me who stays states apart. I am well aware of the fact that I do sound extremely jealous, but I am also hurt. The reason being me myself. I can't do this simple friendship with anyone, or have a good friendship only with such a person after involving them so much into my life. I do get attached eventually. This is me. I really can't do anything about this. I admit this a weak side of me, which is bad. I really don't feel these ppl might end up being more than friends, given that they get to meet a lot, go on trips together and they love going out. Like wow. Ok he didn't want to go on a trip with his guy friends. But for her he quickly said yes, thats already a plan in making.

1. Stop involving them so much in ur life

2. It's not going to look nice admittedly

3. Someday actually open up to them, and settle things.

4. Do not care where it goes. Whatever will happen will happen for the best.

5. This is God clearing your path for your future.

My bestfriednd always had bad taste in men, they're ugly with ugly personality, but her boyfriend right now is destroying the last bit of patience I had for her, basically the only good thing about that guy is that he's tall, but he's face heck it could give people nightmare, his personality? Manipulative, arrogant, egoist, narcissist and want to put his schlong everywhere, I tried multiple times to get her to see that he's a bad guy but nooooo "sHe cAn fIx himmmm " she ain't Bob the builder, heck her own life is crumbling apart because of him but she doesn't want to see it and now she doesn't wanna talk to me because "I'm a bad influence in her life...." I helped her study, helped her find a scholarship, taught her how to make a C.V and how to network, but naaaah, i'm the bad influence, i'm tired of acting like her mama and when that guy cheat ( I know he will cause he asked me for spicy picture)I ain't gonna wipe her tears, I will tell her I told you so, if y'all were in my place what would you do?

So I dated a guy in my first year of uni, and we broke up kind of mutually trueing summer break as we were living in different places for summer jobs and I felt like I needed time to figure out who I was (I was 18, who doesn’t). Me, him, and this other girl were quite good friends in first year, she was my best friend. In the fall I got a feeling she was maybe hooking up with him.

Also a bone to pick with my ex: he said one time that girls and guys can’t be friends outside of romantic partnerships. I had then asked him about said female friend to which he said she was the exception (while we were dating). I didn’t ask but after working on homework one night, I left her apartment and she texted me to come back because she was upset. She told me she hooked up with my ex, but it was just a one time thing no feelings involved. I’m hurt that she didn’t tell me before that it was a thing. I learn later from mutual friends that it has been going on for weeks at this point many times. We spent a lot of time alone together so there was definitely times to tell me. I was hurt that she didn’t tell me, then lied to me then didn’t care. To make things worse we are in the same program so are together in every class.

After this I swear she’s trying to be me. I change my Instagram profile pic to a picture of me as a baby, and she did the same right after. She would show my friends music of artists she thought they’d like, but they were artists I introduced her to. She liked one of my travel Instagram account pictures that she didn’t follow, months after we stopped talking (there are 10 people that like pics on that account) compared to hundreds on my main. She just makes me mad now. They didn’t date for the first while hooking up bc he didn’t want a relationship but eventually she gave him a we’re dating or ending this thing. So they’re dating now, and have dated longer than me and him did.

Also quite a while later in the future, my ex messages me a reel (they’re still dating). Not the weirdest thing but he hadn’t in like 8 months. And she also would not love him messaging me. We hadn’t spoken at all for a long time. And it happened to be on the day we started dating. I feel like there is a slim chance he remembers that but it was weird. Anyways, thanks for listening.