Friendship Stories - page 6

I fixed myself for you, just like you wanted me to! You wanted that, right? Of course you did. You saw I was broken and so I fixed it.

What did I fix? Well, I'm so glad you asked!

I'm not a Kpop fan anymore!

Why? You know why. You said it yourself: you saw my crushes on Kpop guys as parasocial. The connotation you gave the word was negative, so obviously you saw that part of me as broken. So I fixed it!

Here I am. New and improved!

Is there anything else you'd like me to fix?

...

oh.

You want me to fix that?

Don't worry, if it'll make you happy, I'll do it!

You'll recieve your new and improved Me in a day or two!

For now, enjoy the only slightly broken me!

Because this is what you want, right?

Of course it is.

And don't try to tell me otherwise. We both know I'll never be enough for you if I stay just the way I am. We both know I'll never be able to be a good friend to you if I'm just myself.

So let me change for you.

I might lose a bit of myself in the process, but if it makes you happy I don't care.

I hate my friend. It's like she never considers my feelings. She has never asked me how I am. Everyday it's like walking on a minefield around her, I don't know what will piss her off next. I hate how she makes me feel. Like I'm no one. I can't be my true self around her. I wanna end our friendship but that would mean I'd be alone for the rest of highschool. I cant make any other friends since I'm kind of a bullying target.

I have a friend group and I’m the youngest in the group. I’m already dealing with mental health problems again after I worked so hard to get better, and everyone in the group comes to me for help with their mental health. And fights in the group, I’m always the therapist in the group. And it’s getting so hard to deal with, I’m getting. Close to ruining my 4 month clean streak because I need an. Outlet for it, and I can’t leave the friend group because even though they’re making it hard for me they’re also the only ones keeping me alive and I’m just so tired..they all ask if I’m ok every now and then and I always say I’m fine because right after I say that they go to venting to me. I’m so tired..

My friend emailed me. She said she was sorry for existing. HSe aiahd tahst she was s4roy for burdening ne= with her problems, that sh e should deal with them in her own, and if she wants strong enough to deal with it sh e doesn't deserve to live

I read it and my hands are still shaking, atp the onelyc reson my typing is somweehat good is because eayutpcorredct. I fel like I did something, and i also feel horrihble for not being able to cyr. I told her this:

You don't need to feel sorry for existing. I love you, Angel, and I would never want you to die. (btw im sorry if the typuing is messy myt hands are shaking ereally bad as uinmn typing thisw.s') Your existence wasnt a mistake, whe2ther yoyu think so otr not. I;m struggling to find the word sto say here, but I don't wnzt youu to disappear. I know i have iother firneds but none of thema re as funny or kind as you, or as willing to give me a hug when I;m sad, and none of tehm would ever be able to fill the hole you'd leave behinmd if you were to die. Everysing le on eof my firned are special to me, you icluded. If you have problems, I wnt to help you. Dont think youre beurdening me, i wnat to help, i like helping and i defo9nitley dont wnat you to die. Theres nothing wrong with asking for help. but if despie all i said, if you do die... just know i'll nevr forget you. You ARE loved no matter what you may think.

Idk if i helped ir made things worde, she hasnt repsnded yet. I feel so horrihble.

SOOOOOOOOOOO recently, my friendgroup has split into kinda two "halves", the Kpop fans and what I tend to call The Freaky Peeps. We're all still really good friends, it's just people stick with their respective halves rather than hang out a lot with the other half. it's just kinda the way we naturally split the friendgroup since it's so big.

I "belong" to the Kpop half of the group, and in our half, we pretty much simp over every single guy in the Kpop universe (Han from SKZ is literally SO cute, change my mind!), and The Freaky Peeps just ignore our fangirling (or, in one case, fanboying) and do their own thing, which we don't pay much attention to.

My best friend, K, is on the other half of the friendgroup, and he sees my crushes on Kpop guys as really weird. He calls me "parasocial" a lot, whatever that means, and today, we were having one of those goofy friend arguments and he actually said, "At least I don't simp over real people!" and I didn't show it but it actually hurt a bit. It felt like he was judging me, like he was saying "Oh, this is different from me, so it's weird and therefore wrong" and I know he didn't mean it like that but I just can't help but feel like he did. And now, sitting in homeroom a few minutes after he said that, I feel like he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

I would talk to him about it, but I've never been good at communicating my feelings and I'm scared that if I tell him how I feel about this I might accidentally reveal my trust and abandonment issues and that's the last thing I want him to know about. I just don't want him to worry. Also, I don't want our friendship to end over this.

Another thing: I feel like he only really complains over MY crushes on Kpop guys, not any of the other Kpop fans'. Like I'M the only one he sees to be a problem.

While I do love K (platonically), it's really starting to piss me off how much he judges me. I actually don't judge him as much as he's ever judged me. He's constantly commenting on something I'm doing, or someone I like, or a fandom I'm in. The closest I get to judging him is when he was OBSESSED with Dandy's World and I said, "You know, I actually genuinely hate this game" because I thought he cared more about his stupid Brightney mastery or Vee or whatever than me.

He's also made me mad in other ways: He doesn't know when to back down from a fight. Metaphorically and literally. He picks fights without even thinking about what he's saying, and when someone tries to start something with him, he bites the bait and makes the situation worse. He's gotten so many detention hours for it and no matter how many times I tell him "Just ignore them, they'll go away, don't respond to them" he just never listens, saying that he'd rather stand up than stand down but he doesn't know that sometimes, it's best to stand down.

He also defies the rules even more than I do, which is *SERIOUSLY* saying something. He's also gotten a fair share of his detention hours from that as well.

I love K with all my heart but I'm honestly wondering two things: whether he's going to stop being my friend, and whether or not our friendship is even the best thing for me.

I've been struggling with a younger friend for a while. I know they are struggling and growing but there is only so much someone can put up with before its too much. They would consistently get very emotional and annoyed/angry when we had discussions about any topics that they found serious or made them uncomfortable. They would never be upfront about how they were feeling and would just get more and more defensive until they would blow up or they would just stop responding for hours to days.

They even acknowledged that they had issues communicating that they were feeling a certain way. I made it clear that all they had to do was say hey I need space or hey I don't want to talk about this but they would continue to dissappear first and then admit to being emotional.

I have my own struggles which is did not share with them often because they were going through their own stuff and I knew they were already having a hard time. I finally had enough of them acting like they have a moral high ground or some kind of understanding beyond what I did, even on subjects they admitted to not knowing anything about or not having seen what was going on.

So I asked them first if they were intentionally talking down to me and they were hurting my feelings and they just bulldozed over it and put words in my mouth about the subject we were talking about. Saying I was trying to control someone's actions when I was just saying that they should be held accountable.

It was uncalled for and even more self righteous and rude than the messages before, and it really seemed like they were not reading what I was saying at all and jumping to conclusions that I had said nothing about. Accusing me of being cruel and uncaring because I said I was feeling hurt and didn't appreciate how they were talking to me.

So I told them I was done. That it was for the best for both of us that this friendship was over because it was clearly hurting both of us if they really felt like I was being terrible and I didn't want to continue to be treated unkindly.

They responded by attacking my character and saying I was fake and they bet I was talking shit about them to my other friends and pages and pages of things that I had supposedly done and how I was obviously trying to hurt their feelings. That I thought they were a bad person and that's why I was acting this way.

I made the mistake of replying that I never said they were a bad person and that I do truly wish them well but this was no longer healthy and not that I didn't care.

They responded with even longer texts with the same repeated attacks about how I was cruel and I was obviously being cruel to them making this decision. That they wished I would talk shit because I'm a hypocrite for saying my feelings were being hurt when I was hurting their feelings by ending the friendship. It went on and on and they said they would never do this to me and that I always shut down when we had serious conversations and that they gave so much support to me when I didn't do anything to them.

And I'm just confused and hurt because I've not done any of these things, but they have. I may have been a little insensitive but I was never outright cruel. I always would be like this is a hard truth but I never just told them to get over things like they said I did. It's like they only read half my words and made up the rest.

But somehow, I feel like maybe it was unfair. Even if their responses only made it feel more and more like they were trying to make themselves the better person and put me down to justify themselves. I only tried to be compassionate. I had only said, I hope you have a good life but this isn't good for either of us.

And they just threw all this stuff in my face about how I'm the worst and I don't understand it.

Was it really so wrong to not want them to continue to talk to me disrespectfully and hurt my feelings? Why did they suddenly have such an issue with things they said they had gotten over or that they understood after I said I didn't want us to hurt each other anymore?

They blocked me after sending their giant wall of text. I had to have someone else read it for me because it hurt so much but I saw their words for myself and have them still.

Even if they were hurting, was it really okay for them to act like that? To say I'm a terrible person for it all?

I have a group of about 8 friends. in the same class since about grade 1. after our discrepancies, we grew really close from around grade 8 till matric. we would have little outings here and there and it was fun

until we matriculated and grew apart little by little. we still manage to chat normally on the group, but it's not the same as before. since last year, I would dread going out. simply because they had changed and I had changed and topics that were of interest to them would not be the same for me. and that is obvious and understandable, as we are all growing and changing. what stands out to me is that everytime a plan to go out was made, the first thought that came to my mind was that I don't even agree with the topics they speak about, the jokes they make. some of them still remained close, had their inside jokes and all you know. they would even crack perverted jokes, leaving some discomfort and awkwardness in the air for me and another girl as those just weren't our thing. so maybe, you could say I didnt like to be around them because I didn't feel part of it ? like I didn't belong? I don't know. I basically didn't have the energy to enthusiastically go and look for the positives. being around them drained me because it was all so out of my interest line. I struggled to refuse everytime cuz they made it a bit hard. I did refuse a few times, but they always went on about how they always the ones putting in the effort and making plans, while others just blue tick, don't respond, and cancel plans

after a few months, the next time they made a plan, I dreaded again. but I gave it a shot, thinking I also need a break and maybe it's not that bad after all. one of my close friends, the one whose quite similar to me- quiet, not feeling like it's her people anymore either- didn't come on that day. I sat there normally, trying to enjoy the moment. later that night, I get a message from one of my friends( the one who complained about us cancelling) asking if I'm okay, and that I was oddly quiet. after a conversation, I explained the situation, how I don't feel like it, how and why I don't like to refuse and all, and she finally understood and said hope I get better? what did she mean ?

anyways, point is- they brought up the idea of another plan again (note we are all on good terms with eachother. she didn't hate on me after that convo, if you were wondering). this time, I wanted to go, and I was excited about the whole idea. but they're kind of delayed and haven't decided anything yet. I hesitated to ask because I know I'll be in now, and then slowly as the time comes to meet, I'll lose the excitement and begin dreading again. and then it's either a last minute cancellation ( which I know is unfair to everyone) or I am half heartedly present on that day. problem is, I usually do, and did, really enjoy being with them. even after I realised they weren't my people anymore, there were days when I went out/met them and actually fully enjoyed myself.

so.... I don't know what's the problem. why I feel this way. I guess I don't want to give them up because I also have quite a limited social life, and ofcourse, we've been close since childhood.

I don't know

my day went horrbie cuz I said the most stupids shit I ever said it bad cuz I didnt mean to say that it just came out of mouth I didn't want to do anything about it so I'ma just skip tm I don't wanna deal with this bullshit dude it hurts so fucking much I cant even explain how it does its fucking stupid I just want to kms after that I swear I don't wanna be here anymore after that dude I am hurt rn I am tried of this shit dude..

I'm learning Korean just for the fun of it (I'm a Kpop fan, don't judge me)

It's proving WAY harder than I originally thought ngl-

but I'm using Duolingo, and I listen to A LOT of Kpop, so I should be good ig?

idk

but listening to kpop in theory should help, it's possible (the lead singer of one ok rock [japanese] learned English by listening to Linkin Park so...)

When I told my friend I'm learning Korean, she said "Bro no way-"

idk it's like i'm just blank

i swear im not tryin to be dramatic or like make it all about me or whatever but like lately i just feel so invisible around my own friends. like we all in this group chat, right? nd we always been close, since like 8th grade or somethin. but now its like they all hang out without me nd pretend like its no big deal. they post pics together, go to the mall, get food, even do sleepovers nd im just there scrollin my phone like… cool. guess my invite got lost again. nd what hurts the most is that they dont even say anything about it after. no "sorry we forgot to ask u" or "u should come next time!" just silence. nd when i bring it up all i get is “oh it wasn’t really planned” or “it just sorta happened” like girl be fr, stuff dont “just happen” when u got matching outfits in the pic.

maybe it’s me tho. maybe i’m too quiet or weird or not fun enough. i dont got the best clothes or the prettiest hair or the funniest jokes. i try to be there for them always, like i hype them up, i listen when they got problems, i show up to stuff when they do remember to include me. but somehow it always feels like i’m on the outside. like a guest in a group that i used to be part of. like they all moved on nd i’m still here tryna hold on to somethin that ain’t even real anymore. nd then i start thinkin like, was i ever really their friend?? or was i just there, like background noise, someone they talked to when it was convenient but never really mattered to them?

the worst is when i see them laughin all hard in videos together or taggin each other in inside jokes. nd i’m sittin there like… ok cool guess i wasnt there for that moment either. nd i kno its dumb to get upset over social media, but when that’s the only way u find out your friends are hangin without u, it kinda stings different. nd then when i try to act like it dont bother me, they act like nothin happened. like we still tight. but it don’t feel tight. it feels fake. it feels like i’m holdin onto old memories while they makin new ones without me in it.

i been tryna figure out if i did something wrong. did i say something? act weird? maybe i’m annoying and no one wanna say it. maybe i’m just not enough for them anymore. nd it messes with my head fr. makes me scared to reach out first cuz what if they’re just being polite when they reply? what if they hang out again nd just don’t say anything bc they dont wanna deal with me bein upset? i hate feelin like i’m too much and not enough at the same time. nd the thing is i love them. i really do. they were like sisters to me. but lately i dont even recognize our friendship.

it makes me wanna pull away, like maybe if i stop trying so hard they’ll notice. but what if they dont? what if i stop texting nd no one even checks on me? what if i disappear nd it dont even matter? that’s what scares me the most. not being missed. being so easy to replace that my absence feels like peace instead of pain to them. nd i know that sounds heavy but its how i feel. i used to laugh with them every single day, we shared secrets, cried together, planned our futures. now it’s just awkward convos nd quick replies. nd me, watching from the sidelines.

so yeah, i dont kno why i’m the friend that gets left out. maybe i’m just not the kind of person people wanna keep around. maybe i care too much, feel too deep, talk too soft. but it hurts. it hurts more than i can say. nd i wish someone would just tell me the truth instead of slowly pushing me away like i wouldn’t notice. bc i did. i noticed everything. every missed invite. every picture i wasn’t in. every laugh that didn’t include me. i saw it all. nd even if i smile and act like i’m okay, i’m not. i’m really not.

My friend is deliberately ignoring me for reasons I can't explain. I've just kind of shut off the world. My voice stopped working so I can't talk to him to let him know how I feel. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't do life anymore. I can't find any reason to stay alive anymore. Either I'm going to kms or run away. Probably the former.

Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something to upset you? Do you not like the pins I made you anymore? I mean, if you don't like them, you can give them back or throw them out, I won't mind. I only spent 30 minutes drawing and colouring and cutting out and laminating each one just for you. But I mean, if you don't like them, I'll take them back. I'll throw them out, because they weren't good enough for you. I honestly have your best interests in minds.

Or is it something else I did? Did I say something bad? Did I upset you? Please just let me know what I did. Let me try to fix myself. I'm obviously broken. So let me know the ways I'm broken, so I can fix myself! I want to be the friend you want me to be. Let me know how I can change. Tell me how to be what you want me to be. I'll gladly change for you! All I need to make those changes is for you to tell me what's wrong, what I can change about myself, how I can help.

I can tell it's not you who's the problem. You still talk with the others like there's nothing wrong. It's just me you ignore. So obviously, I'm the broken one. Just let me know how I can be fixed. Please?

so today I had a really late bus so I missed the beginning of the day and got to school closer to the end of homeroom. When we were transitioning to related arts, I noticed one of my friends acting weird. He was being almost antisocial. I caught up with him and asked him if he was ok, and he nodded. This was weird, because he's usually really talkative.

Later, when we were going to our second related arts (which me and him share), I was busy typing something on my Chromebook and didn't notice him standing in the middle of the hall waiting for someone or something, but he didn't try to get my attention or anything. So I just went to the band locker room and got my instrument, not giving it any thought. But as I was leaving the locker room with my instrument to go to the band room, he was laughing and chatting like normal with one of our other friends who's also in band with us. Once again, I didn't think much of it.

But after class, during transition, he wouldn't even look at me, but was laughing and chatting as usual with some of our other friends. I was busy fangirling over Kpop idols with the Kpop half of the friendgroup (our friendgroup has two halves: us Kpop fans, and what I call the Freaky Ones), so I didn't pay much attention, but now that I'm sitting in class thinking about it... he was acting really weird. Usually me and him talk a lot, but he hasn't said a word to me today.

I've had many arguments with him in the past, but we always forgive each other. But today, he seems upset with me for reasons I can't explain. I haven't even had an argument with him lately. I'm just so confused. Honestly I'd rather he just tell me what I did so I can fix it, rather than ignore me and let me try to guess what I did to upset him. Literally, he knows the best way to handle any problems he has with me because of a little incident at the beginning of the year that resulted in me bawling my eyes out in confusion, so he should know that being direct with me is the only way to fix things.

I'm really just so confused, can someone please help?

so uhh, my friend, (we will call her purple) I love her, and I even got matching bracelets for us, which I NEVER do! and guess what? my other friend (we will call him blue) STARTED DATING HER TODAY. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE I LIKE HER, AND GUESS WHAT? THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN FROM MY FRIEND, AND I CANT DO ANYTHIGN ABOUT THAT. ISNT IT GREAT? NO, ITS NOT. IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD, AND NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO LIVE THE NEXT YEARS OF SCHOOL LIKE THIS, KNOWING THAT THE ONE I LOVE IS TAKEN BY MY FRIEND. it hurts. it hurts so much. and I cant do anything about that. and if he ever sees or finds out a bout this, well then I'm sorry. I'm just so depressed knowing that she probably didn't even like me, and liked you instead. I know I sound jelous, or however you say it. but I already had a bad mental state, and this just got worse. #deppressionarc!