Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 12

does anyone else get that thing when someone hurts you, or does something bad and you get really angry. and you want to hate them, but you know the things they struggle with, and their life story and how much of a good person they are so you cant just hate them?? like why cant you just be a horrendous person so I can hate you for what you did?? instead of feeling guilty for being angry at you. its not fair.

So, when you were 13, did you ever feel left out? Like, you couldn't fit it anywhere, and even your parents never got you? Yeah, I feel it now. I have been alone as a kid for 7 years now (so it means when I was 6-13, I'm alone), because I now feel like my friend was a person who took advantage of my angry self back then by ripping my drawings, blaming it on another guy, and I lash out on him. What happened was that I was with the girls of the second half of my grade, and some were playing basketball, I chose the cricket group, since I was most familiar with. And when we were given the balls, I didn't get paired up and I didn't mind, so I practiced throwing on a wall and catching. I took one round of the court, and I saw my old friends talk with their new friends, and I was like I was invisible. Then I asked the coach for me to bat, since I'm good at it, and he said I can once the girl currently batting goes out. So I waited, she didn't go out, and I took one glance of my old friends, and I cried in a corner where I was alone. I wanted someone to help me, but my mind said it was only in some fantasy, ideal world that this can happen, and I cried more cus I felt so stupid. I had never had a real friend for 7 years now. Then the girl got out, but another confidently came, and I curled up even more. And even when I got out of court for 10 minutes, the coach only noticed I was gone by the END of the lesson. I think mine was one of those awkward dumb PE moments in middle school, where my dumb emotions just made it worse than the pebble it is. Maybe copying people will garner me friends. My mom told me the reason I didn't know how to properly talk to people was because I only had my brother with me, I don't have a large circle of neighbors or kids, and my pessimism is bad. Me wanting to be saved is stupid, because again, I think it's only in an ideal world.

Even though my mom didn't like it when I was being pessimistic, she said it was saddening to her I think this way, it's true. My mom told me I can be in a group by observing them, understanding them, and slowly sliding in because I understand them more. And that as an adult, I can certainly meet more people who like what I like more than in school now. But what if she's wrong? My brother's "listen to them and be influenced by them" method seems quicker. But I can't meet anyone outside of school. Maybe the brother method may work. But in my school, they all are in a group, there's no one person alone. Just me. So what other option do I have but fit in and assimilate into them. Actually assimilating is the right word for it, not self-sabotage. Myself is already broken, so assimilating is fixing the broken condemned building and building a new one out of it, from a different real estate property. If foreign families manage to assimilate without dying, so can I. If my brother assimilated to fit in his group and they're together for 3 years now, so can I. I'm just a damaged condemned building. And if nobody makes a new building out of the mess, nobody will even dare to look at the house. I must assimilate, and its helped people in my school, from what I've seen in adults, and life. Nobody even likes drawings, or JoJo, or Ghostbusters, or Steven Universe, or gemstones, or fashion. Not in this day and age. Not even adults like my teachers or parents know anything. So that means in adulthood as well nobody will remember in 2040. Who even likes what I like anymore? Assimilation worked for immigrants, so much their kids even act like the country they live in, and they fit it. My parents only stayed Indian-ish in UAE because more Indians live here than locals. If I go to USA, I'll fake my accent, my nationality, my likes, interests and everything. You know what they say, fake it till you make it. I'm bad as a girl with eczema, a girl with braces, an Indian, I person who has niche interests nobody knows where I live, an accent which is close to sounding like USA, now all I gotta do is fake it til I make it. My real self is ugly, and the fake mask is prettier.

I'm not good. And while change is scary, it's important. So my brother's is the scariest, yet it's true. I can be lucky, keep the mask, and be a fake me. There's Momi, and there's whatever people call me, maybe Mary or Martha, since it's more normal (Momi isn't my real name, but you get it, right?) Martha is prettier, sweeter, more normal. She's more likely to be popular than the ugly, fat, moronic, ancient Momi.

https://emontal.com/vent-chat

that's where I post the most

I posted this for you (you know who you are)

you can try to stalk me there if you want

I love her.

Do you now.

Yes, I do.

Do you?

I... do...

how do you know that.

I... don't know...

So do you love her.

I don't know.

And she'll leave.

And she'll leave.

Just like everyone else.

Just like everyone else.

these days i felt alone and i feel like im the worst friend ever. im sure this problem can be settled asap if i choose to dm each of them and ask personally but im too scared.. also, this kind of thing happened before. you can say im quite tired when im always the first one to reach everyone and they cant do the same for me. idk how to tell my stories but it is actually stupid but im sad when i realized none of them choose to comfort me when everyone literally throwing hate on me and even called me ugly. idk if i should cut off with them or try to dm them when ive been hurting many times :(

I'm trans ftm right-

I have this friend(not my partner fyi. different person.), I'll call her A I guess. She usually just teases me about my partner and stuff and like occasionally I feel like she takes it too far. Some jokes are cool, I get it. But calling me gay(I support gay people fyi, however I'm not) got old quick, since that's the only thing she really talks to me about. Occasionally she'll call me a girl to make fun of me, even when I say that I'm not comfortable with it. She steals my stuff, even when I say not to. I get that its out of humour, but am I in the wrong for this?

I wish I didn't have to live in fear of being murdered. or beaten. or bullied. or hated for who I am. I'm tired of being demonized by the government and my own family. I wish I didn't have to go to school unsure if I would come home. I wish I didn't have to hide behind lies, anger, and humour. I just wish people would care about me for me, not for what I could give.

Why do I still exist.

Well it's because of him ofc!

But... How long until he leaves?

You have him now, and that's all that matters, right?

But how long will I have him for?

... I don't know.

So you know he'll leave.

I know he'll leave.

Just like everyone else.

Just like everyone else.

Btw if your "Friends" knew Just how horrible you are underneath surface level they would hate you as much as i do. And i swear if you hit me i will hit back.

You say I always treat you bad and that I'm and ungrateful little b. But. Honestly when have you ever been nice to me? Bc I'm pretty sure that constantly snapping at me for every minor inconvience, blaming your every problem on me, threathing to hurt me or worse, unvalidating my feelings and efforts, talking crap about me, criticizing everything i do, looking for arguements every second and faking being worried about me Just to make me the bad guy and you the bleeding Heart victing---Just ain't It tbh. Don't expect me to act any better than what you've shown me. You don't deserve It.

When it's all in your imagination, sucks isn't it lol

So.. i have tried to calm down a bit but i still want to kill this childish woman.. my boss who hasnt paid me for my work just posted on instagram all about her new cane corso she recently flew home from ITALY... All while complaining how her company is all fucked and someone has been stealing from her... But all the employed (+me) knows she is a narcissistic crazy person who just "forgot" she cant use her company's money on dogs and cars.. and is now blaming everyone else. SO I have reached out to some people and I hope for everyone's sake that she stays far away from my home town that she invaded with her "oh so perfect summer bar" that turned out to be a shitshow and she couldnt realize that it doesnt help the restaurant one bit to give stuff out for free... This is the rant of the day.. i just dont know what to do at this point avout this evil little fly

I am a teen, and a big way of communicating right now is through social media and Snapchat. I have most of the basic social media apps, but i don't have Snapchat. my mom recently told me that I could download it if I wanted after having a conversation about one of my friends. a few years ago I would have been ecstatic, but now I am at a point where I don't know if I want it or not. I have reacher a point in my life where I am comfortable without having Snapchat. there are a few things I feel left out of, but it doesn't bug me much. I see how much my classmates are on there, and I don't want myself to get sucked into it, and be on there all the time. my best friend doesn't have much of an issue with that, but I know others who do. at the same time, it would be nice to be able to keep in touch with people that i meet. especially since i dont get out much and i have such a tough time making new friends. I have asked a few of my friends what they think I should do. some of them have told me to get it, but others have said that it is not worth it. I am trying my best to focus on my homework right now, and I don't need another distraction preventing me from getting it done. so I guess what I am trying to ask is, should I get Snapchat? and if I do decide to get it, what are some tips for regulating my social media usage? set timers don't work well me because I always just turn them off.

Summer started great. Needed some extra money so started two new jobs on top of my regular. Was great for the summer since i dont have money to go anywhere. But then it all went downhill when summer ended as did my contract with the extra jobs. Summer job nr. 1 boss says she doesnt have money so cant pay for (the remaining half of) my work so she owes me money. ((Paycheck due 1 month ago)). Right in the middle of this shitshow of back and forth messaging trying to get through to her i get sick. The flu. A MONTH LONG FLU. Coughing like crazy.. and im still working two jobs because i have to earn money and the doctor wont let me take sick leave because of a flu for a month. I WORK AT A CATERING BUSINESS. I went to three weddings with the worst flu and Im just sooo tired. Sick tired and broke. Because of all the stress, I now am overthinking everything and im slowly going insane.. i cant be the only one right?

*** DISCLAIMER ***

sorry this is a vague post and maybe categorized as family drama since there are elements of it more predominantly than other categories i could select, there may be more elements of politics and stuff also but couldnt find the category

*** MAIN POST ***

1. i have trust issues with my father, i remember when i was still in school he suddenly smacked me, i was by no means a good kid but it was so sudden and still affects me up to today and counting, im still in same house as him and its not fun, sometimes he can go after my mother when she makes mistakes also, but still i agree with many things he says or that said mistakes can be stupid, as much as he might of changed or willing to, my gut feeling physically wont let me trust him

2. i see the worlds heading in a wrong direction, many goverments, especially uk right now, seems to be getting more oppressive, i want to leave but idk how, idk about working a job cuz it seems like ill just get exploited by capitalist and get trapped in a life that i dont enjoy, one where im too tired constantly, where i cant express myself easily

3. i need this question answered in an unbiased manner please, is life still worth living, is there genuine hope to look forward, even tho theres corporate exploitation at every turn, and i have no one to turn to without a filter, what is it, am i being too sensitive, should i just man up

Thanks all for reading