Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 14

My life is really hard I haven't been eating well,I lost lot of money in stock and bitcoin future not interested debt but financial stress.

I haven't been studying well as I'm a student.

My love life is fucked up. My boyfriend is not saying clearly if he love me because he sayels yes but he is in grindr telling around to people that he lost connection with me, I got to know when I asked him through a fake account.

I'm on the brink of suicide to be honest

Idk what to do.

so I've been friends with her for about 3 years, and I'm not even over exaggerating when I say she has no concept of things beyond what she has experienced. she literally thought sore teeth didn't exist because she never had them. so anyway she judges me for practically everything I do, and I swear its like she struggles being happy for me, when I literally went on call with her to give her advice while she was talking to a guy, listened and hyped her up for three days straight when the guy was all she ever talked about. so recently when we were volunteering these two guys came up to us and one was tall and kinda cute and the other was not ugly but he looked like REALLY young like out little brothers young, and the tall guy asked for my number and the short one asked for hers. I was already looking at her though because she has pulled all the guys in the past so I didn't even expect one to ask for my number. so afterwards we kinda just went on with what we were doing and she kept calling them chopped chuz when mine wasn't acc chopped... so like I kinda just acclimated to what she was saying and agreed but she literally wouldn't stop calling them chopped like literally doing it nonstop so I started getting deffensive bc he acc wasn't and it was annoying me. so she like reluctantly stopped for a bit. so I've been texting him and stuff and he is actually super sweet, but one time I asked her for advice for what to text because he said something I didn't know how to respond to and she just said "idk just stop talking to him" and switched the conversation to her. so I confronted her about it and literally reminded her about how I listened to her talk about her crush for three days straight, and she literally just disregarded it. she literally gets like upset when I talk about him. and on another tangent, I get tired super easily. like, get 12 hours of sleep and still be yawning in class tired. because of it, I don't always want to hang out after school with her, and recently she has started getting petty about it. whenever I say I don't want to hang out she literally says "ohh is baby too tierdd did she not get her Naptime" like what in the highschool musical bullying... like ik I'm making all of this sound like a joke but it's actually so draining. I don't think she realizes how many little comments she makes but they have gone from not thinking before speaking to passive aggressive and targeted. I'm not compleatly innocent either, I 100% have done things passive aggressively, but I make sure never to do them unprovoked, and always try to at least keep it in check. she has not only just started doing this either, she has not thought about what she says for the three years I've known her. it broke me down a bit, and she knows it. she just doesn't seem to care about what I have to say. she forces me to keep conversation going if I try talking or just interrupts me and brings the topic back to her. I somtimes say stuff like I wish I had more friends, but then she says 'your not gonna get any friends if you just sit around and never talk to anyone" and that's true, but then when I try to talk with new people she dominates the conversation, interupts me, and answers for me. she answers for me A LOT and it's actually so annoying. she is so hypocritical and will tell me not to do something, only to do the exact same thing herself. I just dont know what to do about her anymore. I guess I just want to know if I'm overreacting or not. there's a lot more, but that's way to long to write about.

thanks for getting this far

TW, RELIGIOUS PSYCHOSIS,F*RCE FEEDING, AB*SE, MENTAL ILLNESS

This is a repost of one of my writing, it’s so I can read newer comments.

[Present time] right now it feels horrid in my house, been eating like sh*t, feeling like sh*t, and my parents keep acting like everything is okay. I assume my mother hasn't told him that she wants a divorce(look at my other story for context) But honestly I'm scared sh*tless if he does, I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll go crazy again and hurt me or my mother.

[Past time, when was about 8-10 around then] so this was when I was coming home from school after taking the bus, my father recently stopped picking me up at my bustop but honestly I was glad I'm really ashamed of him. So I walk into my house and up my stairs (apartment) and I pause as I heard slaps and crying of my mom...? So I immediately speed up and run to the top of the stairs. There it was, my own "dad" hitting my mom, with her on the floor on her knees crying. I'm 8-10 so I stop and stand still, because what else am I supposed to do??? Yell? Stop him? She looked at me mid slap. "Oh my God! (Name), go upstairs!" is what she said, didn't want to see her get hurt so I listened. I dropped my bag on the floor and quickly ran away to my room and shut my door and sat on my bed. Sitting there. Doing nothing. Hearing her muffled cries and begs. [Time skip slightly, 20 minutes later] she comes up and opens my door as I was crying from guilt and worry, I immediately try to stop and stare at her in fear and worry because I thought she would've d*ed. But she just walks in and hugs me tightly, muttering it's okay. So I start crying more because this is my mom crying as well? And that's all I really remember from that.

[I think a couple days after the last story thingy] so it was morning in my bedroom and my "dad" brought me some pancakes(microwave type). So he sits me down and gives me my food and sits down with me on my bed, start eating them and I said that I didn't want them all. So this mother f*cker moves closer and takes the pancakes in his hand, shoves it in my mouth, forces me to chew it for a bit. So I'm crying. I'm 8-10 then. So he then says "None of this matters, it doesn't f*cking matter!! Because we all are dying and going to heaven!!" so now he puts his hand in my mouth and takes out the chewed up food and throws it at my bathroom door. He has a crazy, big pupiled, crazy smile on his face. So I scream for my mom. She comes running and screams as well, pulls him off me and takes me away from him to her room. And hugs me as I sobbed. And I remember her asking me what happened but I don't remember anything else.

[Around the time of the last timeskip] My dad was in this weird religious psychosis?? He wasn't even Christian for sake!! But whatever... So it was mid evening and I hear yelling as I was doing homework at the dining table. It was yelling about car keys and where were they? Mind you these keys belonged to my grandfather/ my REAL FATHER FIGURE. So obviously I needed to know because it was someone I cared about. So my father says "I threw them in the trail in the woods when I walked the dogs, god told me to." what the actual f*ck???? So my mom goes "what?" in disbelief because really we needed that car. So my mom soon starts yelling at them and they start fighting. Next thing I know I'm being pulling upstairs to pack bags to leave withmy grandpa outside yelling and arguing with my father about keys and how crazy my "dad" was. So obviously I'm scared. I'm 8 or 10??? So I cry and do as I'm told and soon we are running down the stairs and I see my "dad" with crazy eyes yelling "You can't take (my name) away!! That's my daughter!" I'm scared. SCARED. I'm sobbing and trying to get to the car my grandma was in with my bags. So now I look up at the yelling coming from my house window, it's my dad screaming, "I'll find you (name)! I'll f*cking get you back!!" uhm!!! I'm sobbing because I'm scared of my "dad" right now. So my grandma starts driving to leave, the path circles around the house. So I see my "dad" leaning out the window arguing with my grandpa where the keys were in the woods, my grandpa was mad so he started going to find them in the woods. And then I felt my grandma's hand holding mine so I broke, her pink nail polish and her clamy hands felt so good right then. And thats all i remember and the car keys got remade as they couldn't find them. Then I also stayed at my grandparents place for a bit as they put my "dad" in the hospfital for a while.

[Around when I was 9?] so my mom comes down stairs and accidently drops a mug and yells about leaving stuff everywhere and how useless my father was. So my mom starts grabbing mugs from the cup cabinet and throws them on the floor so my "dad" rushes to stop her and yells at her to stop and she does and starts crying. That's all I remember and I remember ending up at my grandparents place for a bit when she went to the hospital for a bit.

Thx for getting this far lol, I'd love any comments or opinions!!!

Look at this as well “more of my traumatic experiences” for better understanding and I just need to know.

So uh… yeah. I think my father is abusive…? Like not anymore I think..? But he does yell a lot and is quick to anger, even though he wasn’t here for 6 years? Just mentally- he was physically here but… I don’t think sitting in the same place for 6 years counts.

So I’ll paint the picture. 8 year old girl walking home from school, house filled with yelling, door creaking open. So I open the door, I hear yelling..? A bit of crying and pleading..? And a sharp smack. So I immediately run up the stairs in my 8 year old mind. I get to the top of the stairs.

I’m at the top of the stairs, bag sliding off my shoulders. There it fucking lies. This fat piece of shit slapping my mother, MY FUCKING MOTHER. THE WOMAN WHO IS MAKING SURE WE AREN'T HOMELESS. I’m scared, nervous, angry, confused, and I felt an urge. A urge to kill him. A want to see him bleed out there, him gutted stuck in a ditch. I mean.. he used to be a truck driver after all, it’s well deserved. But no, I’m a literal child. But I wasn’t weak. I’m strong. I’m strong enough to keep my mom safe.

I saw my mom’s teary face, hands clasped infront of her chest. My dad’s- no. This fucking spawn of satan hitting her in the face. Her face red, family photos on the wall laughing in my fucking face like a joke. My mom said, “Oh my god! (name)go to your room!” I listen, I’m a fucking 8 year old, I listen to my parents, I wasn’t a bad kid. Right? Just saw something.

I’ve been more “sad” recently, to the point people are noticing and calling me out for it.

Honestly it’s super fucking embarrassing hearing your extra help teacher asking, “Is everything alright? You look like something bad happened??”. And then your friends tell you you’re a “weird kid” and “your other friends think you’re weird” and those are the same people you’ve helped get real mental help…?

I don’t believe im a bad person..? I’m nice- I try to be positive in the worst of the times, but now I’m just free falling. And nobody’s here to catch me, like how I did for others. No one truly cares for me,..? And honestly it’s… fucking awful. It’s little things piling on top of each other. “You got 2 points off your quiz, maybe you should study more.” Okay that’s fair. “You got 85/100 what a joke.” It’s not even bad,..? I’m sorry you’re spoiled rotten, all those fancy fucking tutors and teachers outside of school, the way you go out to eat every week while I’m stuck eating the scraps. It’s not even that I’m fully mad about grades, it’s something deeper, NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

But one thing I’m so fucking mad and upset with myself with is that I ruined my school poem, I have such deep feelings I can’t get them out. I’ll attach it next.

Trees zipped by,

And rocks flung off the tracks

An unmistakable rhythm of a heart in my grasp,

With torn leather beneath me,

Shrieking breaks,

And murmurs.

My stomach was churning with anticipation,

And my heart stuck in my throat.

I crinkled the wrapper between my thumb and forefinger,

Soothing my frayed nerves,

Waiting to leave for the aquarium for the first time.

Excitement.

Excitement,

This is my excitement.

And it’s paranoia,

I overthink every little thing.

“What if I hate the fish? What if I get off at the wrong stop? What if-”

My thoughts were swirling together like debris in a tornado.

“This is supposed to be relaxing-”, I thought to myself,

The conductor cut off my thoughts with

his booming voice,

“Next stop, (blank) Station.”

I know I could’ve done better. I could’ve fucking made it perfect, but I would’ve crumbled if I did. And this isn’t just about fish, it’s about whether or not I’ll be able to be good. Good enough to be chosen. God this is so stupid.. this was really pointless but what I mean is that I’m so frustrated and sick of everything, the repeated failure.

(Context im a 13 y/o girl in 8th grade if it does anything.)

I. I miss you and i really want you back but i know it will take time. We gave ourselves 3 chances and we broke them all, Today i talked to you, i typed as if i was angry, you showed sorrow and wonder of the reason why, But i shouldn't of been rude. The first time we met i was so angry at you without even knowing it. This time it was on purpose. and many other times too. I might seem sick of you, and not able to chat with you for a split second. But in all honesty i yearn for your love and for you to hold me tight in your arms. i yearn for you to call me "my sweet girl" one last time. And even though I'm writing this out of sadness i'm just happy that i even met you. The day we first starting talking ive loved you ever since. I cant get rid of you. You are now attached to my life. Even after all the arguments, the bullying, the vents, the suicide attempts, the love, i still care and i always will so therefor you will always and Forever be apart of me. I love you Iaroslav.I really do.

for nearly the entire year now, I can't seem to enjoy anything without some annoying little voice in my head going "you're going to die. this wont matter lol." and its all I can think of. if I'm not constantly doing something then it gets in my head and I just think over and over "nothing you do will matter. you're gonna die. everyone dies in the end." and its like, sometimes just because I know Im going to die someday I consider speeding up the process so I don't feel like I've ran out of time and instead I'm willingly giving it up. and I cant think about doing things in the future or things I have done because then It's just reminding mee I'm stepping closer towards the end. i don't know how to stop.

Hi i am a 15 year old female who struggles with depression, anxiety, and self hatred. I cant help hut feel like everything is my fault, and when i speak up nobody listens. I really want to feel like there is something to live for but i cant find it. I truly don’t even know what life after high school will be like. The only true thing I'm living for is my two year old cat. If anyone has any tips, please help me out.

i feel I'm turning too toxic toward my husband. all the time yelling

i feel maybe because of my previous trauma.

everyday I try to get over it. but unfortunately I don't. i end up getting annoyed by the foolish things he does and shout at him.

he is genuinely super annoying to me because, I am shocked at the little things he does which does not resonate with me at all and my habbits.

p. s -- we are recently weds

Did i say those things bc i was pissed? Yeah. Should've i kept my mouth shut to make the morning somewhat tollerable. Maybe. But am i Sorry? No absolutely. I honestly figured saying those things would trygger a fight. But honestly? I don't care. She makes sure every single day is shitty for me. She deserves a taste of her own medicine. And i didn't even say half of the things she does to me. I didn't scream or insult her or threaten to hurt her the way she does to me every single time she has a general minor inconvience. If i have a stay silent while she takes out her anger on me, bc the weather isn't to her liking then she can stand a bad morning cause i called her out on her bs. Also i love that whenever i do call her out she starts screaming about how good she's been and tells every single thing she's ever done for me. Except she doesn't mention how she never even wanted me around, openly said how much she disliked me and insulted me on a Daily basis. Or how she always made every single thing about her. Or how, when i dark spot, could barely sleep at night a barely get through the day, and i was activily asking for help fir over 6 YEARS, She either blamed on the weather and ignored or Just straight up told me to "men up" and that i was being drammatic. This week She has been yelling at me chewing me out the whole week non stop for everything and just expects me to stay silent and take It. She blamed for something I DIDN'T EVEN DO BC I WASN'T EVEN THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED. IT HAPPENED BC OF HER OWN STUPIDITY and somehow i came back home and It was my fault.

You do realize that you've blamed me for something i wasn't even there to do? Yeah i did tell you that methods, bc you asked how It could be done

I hate commiting to people, they're unpredictable and it takes to much effort to stay friends or whatever else a relationship may want to tilte itself as. At times my mental health is just doing bad, or I just realized how bad they actually are. Other times I feel like they don't need me, or don't actually like me. So I leave. People always make me so tired, no matter how hard I try I end up leaving them idk why... and I may be a horrible person but at least I'm starting to realize that people arent for me. I don't need them. Theres a hole that no one can ever seem to fill.

I felt lonely and unsafe growing in my own home because of problems with my dad might be aggressive and not enough attention from my mom. Trust felt impossible in there. I use videos and AI for comfort, but what I feel empty still, like i need someone real to be close to and turn to for anything. It feels like that might never happen and its just fantasy, and maybe I don’t deserve love, but I’m sharing this anyway because I need my question answered, do i deserve love, do consider im a mess and i maybe too sensitive which made me betrayal my dad, yet reconnect is hopeless, having tried it, and im lazy and always tired to do anything, cuz those arent good traits, and no one would want to try change me anyway, also that i might be seen as too much, sorry if this sound like attention grab

let me begin from the beginning from the moment I was born. I was born into a period financially extremely stressed, violent aggressive family. I had some problem in my penis and I have to get surgery which was extremely painful at the age of 3. since January I realised that it was different from others and it got me insecurity. I was not able to speak properly and there from many places. We also do this. It was very embarrassing. I had a surgery at the age of and it was excruciatingly painful. However, this is the first. not talking about family, I was always in constant fear because we had taken that we had changed so many hours had broken violence and my family got a park and I had to earn from a very early language and take possibility of my morher. alongside this shit. There was also sexual identity crisis in childhood because I thought I was attracted to Voice and I tried to make intimate relation. Always. My heart just went up and it exploded like hell and later I discovered it was OCDNADSD all along and it was a living nightmare. Now I haven’t reached all this shit Father family. Everyone lived in a small home below beside our home because it was not a very good place was a cheap place, and therefore I grew up in that I studied on my own. I topped on my own. I did debates. I’ve done all of them. I was popular. I stories way too long, so I just want to submit by saying that I don’t know what to do. Anyway I am into teaching kids and I will 25 this year and there are many more things. I don’t know how to explain because, otherwise, the contacts wouldn’t be complete.

does anyone else get that thing when someone hurts you, or does something bad and you get really angry. and you want to hate them, but you know the things they struggle with, and their life story and how much of a good person they are so you cant just hate them?? like why cant you just be a horrendous person so I can hate you for what you did?? instead of feeling guilty for being angry at you. its not fair.