Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 15

I met him when I was 11, and he was too. We had a little childhood romance and started "dating" when we were 13. He helped me get through my parents’ divorce, and I helped him with his own family issues... we really liked each other. We were each other’s first love, it was sweet, it was innocent. I felt at home with him. When we hit six months together, things were already falling apart, and I broke up with him because I was going to move to another city mid-year. He seemed to take it well, or at least that’s what I thought. We talked bad about each other afterwards, like teenagers do, of course.On my last day in that city, we were leaving school when he saw me from a distance, gave me a small wave… and cried. I cried too. But neither of us said anything or walked up to each other.After I moved, I sent him a text message saying EVERYTHING I felt. He responded and said he felt the same, but that it wouldn’t work because of the distance and because our story had ended. We still talked sometimes...Then in November, he came to my new city for a karate tournament. Our moms were very close, so he stayed at my house. When I saw him again, it felt like we were still together. I knew I was still crazy about him. At first, we were super shy around each other, but we eventually opened up. He had changed a lot, and so had I. That night, we sat on a couch downstairs in my building and talked for hours. We kissed and made promises we couldn’t keep. He slept in my room, and I slept in my mom’s. But we kept messaging each other all night. It was strange to think that he was here, in my house, in my room. At around 2 a.m., I went into my room and sat by the bed. We talked, laughed, and remembered everything. I took so many pictures of us. At 6 a.m., he left, and I cried so much in the lobby of my building. My love was leaving. From that moment on, the song "The Only Exception" became ours.We tried to keep in touch, but eventually he told me to move on with my life.In January, I went back to my hometown and we went to the mall, just as friends. I really liked it… I had written him a letter, but never gave it to him. I went to his house, and we ended up making out. I didn’t want to leave. The next day, I was already going back to my city.So we spent the whole afternoon watching series and just enjoying each other’s company. I left, and this time ,didn’t cry.We tried a long-distance thing again, but it ended when I found out he was dating a girl from his class, one of his friends told me. It felt like my world collapsed.He was different, you know? He could even understand my silence. I really loved him.Now, I just know that he’s doing some questionable things and that he’s dating another girl.Of course, I’ve had other crushes… but I always compared them to that sweet boy who once existed.I read the letter I had written to him today and realized how naive I was…I miss the boy I was once madly in love with.I really want to send a message, but sometimes not sending is better than being rejected.I just wish he knew… that once, it was him.

hello, I could use some advice on a situation, and I need someone to tell me if i am in the wrong here.

I have always had a tough time making friends and getting close to people. it generally takes me about two years of being friends with someone before the conversation starts flowing comfortably and naturally. because of this, I hold my friendships very close. I try my best to be a good friend and I would never do anything to purposely hurt a friend. that being said, over these past year or two I have been friends with a girl named Jude. this school year Jude and I have been getting fairly close. we have finally hit the point where conversation is just natural and I am not always worried that I am being annoying or that she is just hanging out with me because she feels like she has to. well our friendship got a little complicated a few months ago when Jude started dating my cousin Troy. Troy and his family have had a difficult last year. I don't need to get into it too much, but his parents are in the middle of getting a divorce and money has been a little tight. over this last week or so Jude has been telling me she has been buying pizza for Troy and his brother because they have nothing to eat at home. she told me not to tell anyone about it because she didn't want Troy getting mad at her for telling me. normally I wouldn't get involved with the situation. If I wasn't related to the guy I would have just let her talk, and not share the information. however, with Troy being family I was concerned and wanted to try and help. it shouldn't be Jude's job to make sure that her boyfriend's family is eating. so after thinking it over for a bit, I asked my mom if we could send his family some extra beef and or sausage because we raise farm animals and just sent some off to butcher. I also told her that Jude had been buying them pizza. I figured it wouldn't be too big of a deal since we usually send some of our extra meat to Troy's family. Well, the other day Troy's mom (my aunt) came over and was talking to my mom. something must have gotten broughten up about Jude buying Troy pizza. anyway, Jude texted me today and asked if I had been telling people that Troy's family had no food. I immediately freaked out because the only person I talked to was my mom, and I only did that because I was genuinely concerned and wanted to make sure the kids had food. I made sure to ask my mom not to mention Jude because I didn't want her to get in trouble with Troy, and I didn't want Jude to be mad at me. well it turns out that Troy and his brother have been fed at home, they just want junk food and I think that Troy is lying to Jude. Jude is the type of person to have a tough time breaking things off with a boy, and I know that if I try to bring this up she will take his side over mine and I will have lost a friend. which is really tough because I have such a tough time making friends. but i am pretty sure that Troy has been manipulating the situation because he tells Jude he isn't getting fed, he tells his mom that he is fine with Jude buying him stuff because she is making good money, and he told my mom that he hates it when Jude buys him stuff. I don't know what to do, and I feel terrible. I shouldn't have said anything to my mom, but I just wanted to help. I think Jude is mad and me, and I don't know what to say to make things better. what do I do? and am I in the wrong here? all I know is that I feel horrible

I swear to god I have collage so much literally I hate my course and now I can’t even change it and I don’t know what to do bc I can’t js drop out of collage so idk what to even do I hate it so much I thought it was going to be a lot better but no it is the exact same as skl

I HATE COLLAGE !!

No like acc despite it

Hiii! Im Ava, i’m a teenager (not saying age) and i struggle with S/A and bullying. I pretend to be happy when in reality i have lots of scars/cuts from my self harm addiction. Sometimes i starve myself. Even though my parents know i do it they don’t care and think i just want attention. I cry a lot yet they still don’t care. One time they beat me for trying to kill myself…

I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.

You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell

me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.

It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?

God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation

September 13

I went to my sigma's halftime show last night and lowk I could NOT stop looking at her, everything from the uniform to her performance was absolutely amazing. my friends lowk made fun of me but I feel foolish. I mean how did someone like me get to someone like her?

codenames: Baguette (boy best friend), Circle (his girlfriend)

I know she hates me. My boy best friend's girlfriend. Maybe thats why hes spending time with her today. but he did say that he'd call didnt he?

i've been friends with baguette since near a whole year consecutively, and before that i was friends with him for half a year before we fell apart. but we did get back together and we are very close. i would consider him one of my best friends, i dont know what he thinks of me. he recently reassured me that he would not "break up" with me as friends if circle told him to. who believes that... he also said that circle doesnt mind that he hangs out with girls and that she said "you can hang out with whoever you want, boy or girl." WHO BELIEVES THAT? who wouldnt be jealous when the boyfriend theyve had a crush on since 7 years ago finally got with them and then talks to another chopped girl more than he talks with them? i agree with my friend who says i act like his girlfriend more than his girlfriend, from his side, he talks to me more than he talks to her. baguette usually calls me the first thing after he gets home, or at least texts. he felt bad when i was sad one random day, asking me so desperately how he could help. he asks me if i hated him so many times as if it really mattered to him. he asked me if i would be sad if he died. of course i would. i would cry my eyes out. he really means so much to me and i wish i could explain that to him. did i mention how i used to have a crush on him before we became friends? well i dont anymore. ive tried my best to get rid of all my feelings in that way. i really tried to hard and i believe i have succeeded. but sometimes when he doesnt text me or when he leaves me on seen i feel worthless. i sometimes ask him, am i boring, why are you friends with me, stuff like that, and he responds with something slightly reassuring. but its not the most reassuring, because i always feel like he's lying. i've been seen with him around campus quite a bit lately, over call he would ask me to come with him somewhere after school or meet somewhere to go help with schoolwork, and i always help him. maybe a bit too much, but...i just want him to keep being my friend. and im scared that if i dont do those things i lose my value as a friend to him and...he wouldnt talk to me anymore..and i dont want that. i dont know why, he somehow manages to make me smile when i am at my downest time, but of course he isnt there 24/7 so he cant ALWAYS be there.. but when he is he makes me smile, always, whether by being cute-stupid or telling a dumb joke i feel like it's always so lightening.. but he has other friends too..i need to remember that..am i being obsessive? am i too much? am i annoying?

now back to the part relating his girlfriend. she acts nice towards me but i dont think she likes me at all, and i completely understand her. i wouldnt like me either.

Alright (I always start with alright lol), So… since 4th grade I’ve had this small friend group with 4-6 people (I’m in 8th grade). In 4th grade, we played this game where one person would pretend to be a dog owner and we would be the dogs, barking in the field during recess. But our generation(being the messed up generation that it is) made it so our whole grade started calling us furries and the Wolfpack. I was scared that kids would actually come punch us in stuff and they didn’t, but to this day I am still mad at those people that bullied us because it was just a game for us little kids to entertain ourselves with.

In 5th grade, there was a group of girls that I hung out with a lot more than my closest friends, and my friends were mad at me about this. I wanted to expand my friendships, and wanted to be good friends with the “cool kids” In hopes that they would stop bullying my friends, and if not, then me (They didn’t). My friend in the so called “Wolfpack” even already had a boyfriend (We were only 11 so I don’t know why I cared lol) and I got so jealous that boys still liked her. Like at least 5 boys in our grade had a huge crush on her, yet still barked and yelled “Furry!” At her whenever she walked by. Honestly, I was not getting much individual recognition in being in “The Wolfpack”, so I was able to make my own friends aside from this friend group! My friends in “The Wolfpack” didn’t like that I was making more friends and we had a huge screaming fight which ended up with my friend saying that I liked her boyfriend (kinda stupid in my opinion I was just jelly she had ANY man). Actually I’ll just end here and do a second part later bye y’all feel free to share your opinion so far!

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Here I Go Again haha. I told you how I fell in love with a man much older than me who showed me high expectations. He was attentive, loving, kind, everything a woman wants.

As time went on, he got what he wanted, which was to win me over, and he began to show disinterest in me.

During the process, I saw many red flags, and in that outburst, I recounted how bad it felt when he didn't talk to me. I couldn't leave him because every time I tried, it was a sadness that killed me inside, and I wasn't able to stay in bed for days, feeling very bad.

Obviously, I wasn't going to die, but it's something you don't know how to handle. Sadness, no matter how much you try to deceive yourself, exists in the chest, in the head. Even those who've been through it know that it's also felt in the heart.

I didn't know what to do to end it because the relationship continued, but I was having a hard time. I decided to talk about it, and he told me in simple, blunt words that he didn't have any feelings for me and that he just wanted to have a good time. I understood everything perfectly. What I'm thinking is that there will be a door of feelings, showing affection and love, knowing that they will leave the person later.

It doesn't matter, maybe I idealized too much. I was confused, but what all this leads me to are some questions:

Why does it hurt so much? Life goes on.

Why so much dependence on someone who doesn't show interest?

I saw my mother die with my own eyes, and this hurts me more?

I came to the conclusion that my father abandoned me when I was young. My mother, even though I was with her until the last moment, left me at a train station and left me for 14 years. My grandmother kicked me out when I asked for shelter because I was homeless!

I became a mother for the first time, and my father left me alone during the entire pregnancy and childbirth.

I wanted to start a family, but he went with another family.

My pain is the abandonment I've always suffered and I can't get over it because I met this person who gave me all the affection I never received, and I didn't want to lose her.

Obviously, throughout my horrible life, I had addiction problems, and because of this, I've gone back to using drugs almost every day. Simply put, I want to die because I fell back into a job I had, and now it's worse. If I don't have drugs, I go crazy, my body shakes, and I become violent.

The End

P.S.: Never abandon anyone. Be clear, show love, but clearly. And if you're a man, don't abandon your children. Damn you.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Some of you may think it's absurd, others maybe not. It's something that eats at me every time I'm using (drugs), but it's very important for my life. People, I need you to give me a site where I can hack my Gmail. Do you know why?

Because I keep the nicest memories of my life there: photos of my mother who died, photos of my baby daughters, important things I need to recover — and it won't let me access them because it asks for two things I don't have: an email that the person who hacked me set up, and a phone number that doesn't exist. I have no way to recover it.

And do you know what's my outlet?

That I can't remember my daughters when they were little — I don't have a single photo. I have more things with my mom and my grandmother who passed away and only the results are there. They're very important and when I'm in this situation I go crazy.

Any solution? Any help?

Anything that can point me in the right direction?

It's not illegal — it's just something I want to recover because I'm going to live my whole life wondering what those people were like back then….

So one time I had been with my parents and younger brother on a trip to see my cousins. On the way, we stopped by our grandparents to relax. We were downstairs in the basement, me, my parents, brother and grandparents. I accidentally hurt my brother by tripping him when I was on the couch and he walked on my foot. He fell hit his head and I came down to see if he was ok. Then my mother ran down, got on her knees and held him like he was about to die. Meanwhile, I have never had something like that happen to me. Then, as I tried to apologize to him, my mother said and I quote, “no one wants to hear your fake apologizes” I was stunned. I sat there for a good minute, and tried to correct myself saying” I didn’t mean to sound that way, I-“ and she interrupted me saying “Don’t make excuses, you know your in the wrong”. I was shocked, I stared at her and I glanced at my brother, who even looked at me and then at her, with a look that said “you took this too far”. Behind me was the rest of my family and grandparents, who saw everything, and I started to hold back tears. The last thing she said to me was “You don’t deserve to cry”. I looked at my dad, knowing this wasn’t the only time he sat and watched they way my mother talked to me and traumatized me. I told them “I don’t fell like playing anymore, have fun” trying to sound okay, and went upstairs. I stayed in the bathroom, all alone, hearing my mother babying my Brother in a way she doesn’t do for me or did to me when I was his age. I stayed there, shocked for hours and didn’t want to leave. No one checked on me, no one cared, and the hours later they called for me. Reluctant, I went downstairs and they acted like nothing happend. My brother was the only one who came up to me and said “I know you weren’t being mean and you did try to apologize. I’m sorry mom did that” I tried to hold back tears when I hugged him, knowing he was the only one who saw what she did was wrong. To this day if my mom says “I know your probably going to say j favorite your younger brother but I don’t” and this is the first thing of many that come to mind. I just wanted to get this story off my chest, your knot alone in the bias. Let me know if I’m just being stuck up and this is blown out of proportion. Thank you for listening.

Alright, so I’ll just state it here, my little brother can seem nice at times, but that’s not what I’m complaining about. I have had arguments with my brother, my brother throws himself to the ground, actually hurts himself so he’ll start crying, and my parents think I did it so I get in trouble. When I try to defend myself, they tell me to, and I quote, “Shut up, we don’t need to hear any more lies for tonight”. For the past year or two I’ve been becoming depressed (in my opinion, I don’t have a legit diagnosis or anything but I think I might), and have been becoming more and more suicidal. It even led me to attempt by jumping down a flight of stairs, but my grandma ran over (my parents stayed sitting) and had to help me up. She knew this was on purpose, while my parents said I was just looking for attention. Today, I was arguing with my mom about my success in acedemic activities and stuff and I notice that my brother has been playing Roblox (a video game for those who don’t know) for FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT. I tell my mom I would like to watch a show because my brother got to play Roblox for four hours and she said “He’s only 9, you need to be more mature,” and then kindly told him to get off. He said no, and kept playing. She stayed nice to him, but then I told her I deserved to watch my show and she absolutely BLEW UP at me!!! I then asked her why she loved him more and she said “I don’t.” I didn’t believe her, so I said “swear on your own life that you love us equally.” She just laughed nervously and changed the subject. Is this because she truly loves him more, or is this normal? Pls somebody help me it’s getting on my nerves at this point.

Hey guys, so. I'm 13, and I have had eczema since I was 2. And one time with a dermatologist at 12, she did finally confirm I have eczema. I use moisturizers and hydrocortisone creams if it gets bad, and it's great. My new creams don't give me all that much hyperpigmentation, unlike other creams I've had, which is good! SO yeah. But a full-blown analysis, and the cause? Nah, no, it didn't happen. And I'm scared of dermatologists, because of many things. My grandpa used to be a dermatologist, and he used to be angry. Like, ultra-mad, so mad that as both an anesthesiologist and dermatologist, he'd yell at EVERYONE, when he'd have a patient he wouldn't really care, and when my dad (his son) got acne problems, the creams were so bad that if dad immediately stopped, his skin would dry fast and if he put the pimples would go but his skin would darken. And from watching dermatologists in movies and YouTube, they all seem very judgy, very weird, always obsessed with your skin (I know it's their job, but I mean OBSESSED), and would create new insecurities for you. And I've heard from my gut feelings if they're with teens, with any skin issues, they're gonna roast the hell out out of you, make you have more insecurities, and feel even worse about your look! Trust me, I have eczema and acne at the same time, and while cutting cashews has reduced my pimples, I get a teeny tiny amount of pimples right before my periods, but nothing horrible, unless the dermatologist says so and I need birth control. And eczema? How can a girl have it since 2?? I don't know, just how? I'm just weird like that. But yeah, I just feel weird, around any doctors. Like they'll only see me as some sort of sick body, and I already feel bad about my looks and chronic disease, because what if when I grow up, nobody would like me for it? All girlfriends I see online have perfect smooth skin. And I'm the crusty rock.

so like idk if I like want to go to the football game tonight, I mean I don’t have a choice since I’m playing with the band and my ginger’s gonna be there so I cant just not go but what if the weird thing happens again? what if my brain decides to take a nap in the middle of the halftime show, when we’re performing? I mean I know it doesn’t have any visible effects, its not like i’ll collapse or anything, but if it happens I might stop playing or marching or smt. besides I’m just too tired for this man.

and if my head does do the dream walking thing, anyone got any ideas to help like snap myself out of it?

LIKE COME ON

THERES THESE TWO KIDS IN MY ENGLISH CLASS MAKING OUT EVERY FUCKING DAY LIKE I DONT NEED TO SEE THAT

PETITION TO MAKE PDA ILLEGAL?!?!??!?! LIKE PLEASE

this is a joke btw, while I do hate seeing PDA people can do what they want lol idc