Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 17

I don't even know if this counts as a story, but I'm gonna put it here anyways. I've been productive all week in terms of schoolwork! Supposedly good, right? Wrong, cuz apparently I haven't been productive enough, and I still have a ton of stuff to do! Even worse, all the due dates are lining up to be tomorrow at midnight. Not stressful at all. Definitely not. Definitely not paralyzed by it all, and thus driving myself into an even worse hole. Two enthusiastic thumbs up...

I'm up for any tips to help, like legit anything.

And here's the question ig: What would ya'll think if this was in a reality show?

me and my boyfriend had a situation recently he joined University for studies and being busy with it I m happy for him but he is responding less and less idk if he loosing interest in me.

I was so paranoid that we had fight a day ago he was responding sluggishly in the fight that making me more conscious that he is loosing interest or spark is lost.

idk it's because of long distance or something else he also have few gay friends.

we use to share insta password but after the fight he did logged out n now don't even sees my text although we had chatted in a call but it was done by me n not him..

please help someone to understand am i being paranoid or I'm being reasonable enough to ask my boyfriend for some attention.

You might be gay for commenting sht on my posts

Do you know that feeling when you’re dreaming, and suddenly you’re falling, then you jerk awake like your whole body just snapped? I want to know if anyone else actually experiences this because lately it’s happening to me several times every single night, and it never used to be like this. I’m not talking about that occasional twitch most people joke about—you know, when your body jolts once and you laugh it off. This is constant, it’s repetitive, and it’s so intense that it feels like my brain has turned into some kind of defective machine that keeps hitting the emergency eject button. I wake up with my heart racing, drenched in sweat, like I just got thrown off a building mid-dream. And it’s not once, it’s not twice, but six, seven, sometimes eight times per night. It destroys any chance of real rest. I’ve done the basic checks: no late caffeine, no screens blasting in my face, no major stress spike, not even any alcohol. None of that matters. It still happens. I’ve been reading around—doctors and articles love to call it “hypnic jerk,” or they classify it under parasomnia or throw in phrases like “nocturnal myoclonus.” All that jargon does is dress up the fact that your body decides to violently boot you out of sleep like a system crash. One medical review I came across said, “most individuals report these episodes as harmless,” which is honestly insulting. Would you call it harmless if your own body tricked you into thinking you were dying by falling every night? That word doesn’t fit at all. It feels hostile, rude, and like my nervous system is playing a sick joke at my expense.

And the more I think about it, the angrier I get. On one hand, I can go all technical and detached: it’s probably my nervous system misfiring, some mix-up between the vestibular system in my inner ear and the brain’s perception of stillness. I could cite “Mahowald and Schenck (2005)” or the International Classification of Sleep Disorders, which catalog this crap like items on a warehouse shelf. But honestly, that doesn’t help me at 3 a.m. when I’m yanked awake for the fifth time in a row, staring at the ceiling and wondering if I’ll ever sleep like a normal human again. One paper described it as “heightened sympathetic activation,” which is medical speak for “your fight-or-flight system won’t shut the hell up.” Great, thanks, I already knew my body was panicking. What I want to know is: does anyone else deal with it this often? I don’t mean occasionally, I mean systemically, like it’s been programmed into your nights. Do you just accept it, or does it drive you as crazy as it drives me? I feel detached even as I write this, but the truth is that it’s wrecking me. It’s ruining my ability to get restorative sleep, wrecking my circadian rhythm, and making me wake up already exhausted. I’m not here to be sentimental or dramatic—I’m just being direct about how much this is screwing with me. And yet, it still feels absurd to even type this out, because how do you complain about your own body deciding to simulate free-fall every single night? But here I am, frustrated, pissed, and stuck with it. If you’ve felt the same, you know exactly why I had to vent it out here. And if you haven’t, lucky you. For me, the best I can sum it up in one image is this stupid emoji: 😑.

It was just probably my imagination or just probably delusional about it lol

Hey guys, I've got something to get off my chest. I'm 17, a dude, and somehow managed to have zero friends at school. Like, it seriously sucks, ya know? I was hoping to find a squad to hang out with, but here I am ranting here on a website I didn''t know before; thank God I found it... Anyway, I thought I'd share my thoughts and see if anyone else has been in the same boat or has some advice.

So, here's the deal. Every day it's the same old story. I walk into class, do my thing, and then it's goodbye till tomorrow. It's boring and sometimes I feel like a ghost in the hallways. No one notices me and I don't know how to change that. I tried to join a club or two, but it was awkward, and I just ended up standing around feeling even more out of place. It's hard, you know? Everyone has their groups, and it's like trying to break into a secret society or something.

Feeling this way gets me thinking – maybe it's just me. When I do get the courage to speak, usually, words come out all wrong. Man, it's frustrating! I bet someone out there gets what I'm trying to say, right? Sometimes I wonder if I'm too picky or if I have some kind of "this guy is a misfit" vibe. It's not like I'm asking for much. I'd be happy to find just one guy or girl who shares an interest or two. Just someone to laugh at dumb jokes with or hang out at the mall. No drama, no big fanfare; just simple friendship, ya know?

I've decided not to give up, though. I mean, being 17 and having no friends isn't a life sentence. There's gotta be a way out of this solo game. Maybe I'll try some new stuff, like helping out with an event or revitalizing the library's comic section. I've heard stories of people finding mates by doing those random things, so why not? Plus, I could use some good karma; might as well put myself out there and see what happens. "You'll reap what you sow," they say. I'm clinging to that wisdom right now.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I've realized I'm definitely not alone in feeling like this. And truthfully, that makes it a bit easier to bear. I'm sticking with an open mind and being hopeful. If this has taught me anything, it's patience. Oh, and to those out there who feel the same; just hang in there, don’t let it get you down. Your future friends might be right around the corner, just waiting for you to notice them. The world’s big and there's someone out there who's looking for a friend like you too. So yeah, keep your head up, and maybe throw a smile to someone next time – could be the start of something.

so, I'm sixteen and I've spent most of my life following the teachings of my very religious family and church. they've always been super strict about what they call "the righteous path", and honestly, it's been drilled into my head that straying too far might be bad. but lately, I've found myself really intrigued by tattoos. it's not like I want a ton of them, just maybe something small and personal. a part of me is whispering that it's a chance to express myself in a way I never have before. but, is that a sin? Leviticus 19:28 flashes in my mind, where it mentions not making cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you. does this mean I'm stepping off the approved path by even considering it?

the tricky part is balancing my beliefs and this kind of rebellious curiosity. my family would probably hit the roof if they even caught wind of my interest in tattoos. they might think I’m trying to turn my back on everything they've taught me. the fact that tattoos are often seen as taboo in religious circles only makes it harder to figure out what I should do. I've heard it said that "our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit", so does altering them with ink disrespect that? or is it more about the intention behind why someone gets a tattoo that's right or wrong? it's confusing, and I'm torn between the urge to express individuality and the fear of straying from my faith's teachings.

ultimately, I'm just trying to find a middle ground where I can respect my upbringing while also exploring new interests. being a teenager, I guess it's part of growing up to question things and seek out what feels true for me personally. maybe tattoos are one of those many ways people try to express themselves, but are they worth potentially going against the norm I've grown up with? is this just a phase or an actual part of who I am? 🤔 I haven't made any decisions yet, still mulling it over. but I wonder if anyone else has been in a similar spot? questioning the role of tattoos in the world of faith is tough, no clear answer in sight...

When i was young I had a few inappropriate sexual encounters that I think have ruined me more than I realized. As an adult I'm addicted to porn. Not only that, when I first got the internet I was exposed to everything. Gore, porn, underage porn, everything. Now when I'm online I feel like I turn into a numb zombie, with a one track mind. a ride I can't get off, there is no escape and I feel like death is the only way to redeem myself or put an end to these compulsions.

As an adult I spend more time finding porn than actually looking at it. for the last few years I have been trying to find new, different stuff to be excited about. This has turned into me losing control. When the idea pops in my head I jump into the passenger seat of my own mind. I feel like I have no control. I start digging, grey out, then come back to reality, disgusted, depressed, and frantic.

I spend most of my waking hours depressed, frantic, and paranoid. The addiction is no longer fun or satisfying. it is a pure compulsive behavior and I really don't know what to do. The reason for the extreme guilt and disgust is due to the sites I visit. I've always sought amateur Webcam type content, I think traditional porn is too fake. the problem is some of the sites I found with this type of content had underage content. In the moment, it doesn't bother me, afterwards I want to die.

in reality those thoughts are not in my mind. I have come to the conclusion that I seem to be addicted to "finding something not meant to be found" or even worse, im addicted to depression. when i feel good about myself, have a good day or get some kind of self confidence boost, it sends me into a spiral and I feel like i need to remind myself im a huge piece of shit and kick me down where I need to be.

i have never saved or shared any illegal content, the disturbing thing is if you just google the right words everything is easy to find and access. I cant tell anyone, I even started therapy but can't speak the real truth. I don't even know if this is truly anynoymous, at this point I feel like turning myself into the police just so I can be removed from all access to the internet. I don't believe im a bad person, I don't actually have perverse thoughts about doing anything taboo. I'm just addicted to digging into the depths of the internet, getting disgusted with myself, and finding a valid reason to end my own life.

ill probably get judged here, but i really need advice on how to be the person I truly am and get rid of this monster taking over my brain.

cw: suicidal ideation, self harm, descriptions of abuse + masochism, possibly CSA (I’m not trying to claim its in the traditionally severe form so I’m sorry if it seems that way to ppl who have endured that), I just need somewhere to get an outside view of what’s happening with me. Be safe

I’m 15, trans guy but born female. I was a fundamentally bad, defiant child that was the defining thing about me so my mom used to be super abusive in a few ways to kindve stomp the defiance out of me . But the one that stuck with me was when she was supposed to be spanking me as punishment (though I think it had been over trivial matters. as if everything I said or did was destined to be wrong, I truly don't understand the reasons why she did it). I know well she’s not creepy nor a bad mother, she didn’t intend for me to take it this way and I promise I don’t wanna take it this way either because it’s been really humiliating, but the way she executed it (and intense ways I reacted to it over the years) ive realized as some strange form of sexual abuse. it’s not that I have any vivid picture memories, (my memory of my childhood is garbage as demonstrated time and time again) but I know it happened extremely often. I know the components I didn’t omit of the spankings to be true in these procedural bullet points. And its really nauseated me to think about she forced me to strip naked always and lay on her bed and would yk slap me relentlessly on the ass and if I tried to run shed chase me down, she wouldn’t let me leave her room, and if I cried she’d go harder till I shut up no matter how much I pleaded with her. After, I think she’d send me away from everyone and shun me. I omitted this next part but my brother(21) told me she had this stupid table tennis object she used too and wrote my name on it in bold and hung it on her wall for me to stare at perpetually, my grandma had one aswell but I only remembered that part I didn’t know my mother did too. I guess im sensitive, but my entire being’s always felt ‘off’ or just violated by this even if it wasn’t meant how I took it.

And I never ever saw her hurt my brother the way she did me (he confirmed she didn’t) so I hated all of them. I felt they legitimately wanted me specifically to die because of this. I talked to my brother about it when it came up more recently and even he claimed what she did wasn’t normal and he seemed concerned about how much I didn’t remember about it, he said I was a rough kid but I never deserved that. It shouldn't be a big deal since it’s been a few years, I’ve become a better person but it lowk ruined my mental health for most of my life and I just never felt safe or loved at home, like little me tried to lay in the street and get hit by a car and shit so I didn’t have to be punished that way again during times my brother threatened to tell her something. When that didn’t bode well I got affiliated with older people who had bad intentions, like my groomer/s who actually did sexually abuse me, so I could feel more loved or hurt, just better about myself in any capacity cuz they didn’t have high standards to love me. I felt worlds more comforted with them. I still do when I think about it.

I was averse to people touching me for years because it felt like touch physically burned me. Being intimate with others in general, honesty and expressing emotions has always been excruciatingly hard for me, it's so much more natural to suppress them, and I just despised her, especially even the slightest brush against me. This extended to things like anyone saying my name. It grated on my ears because of the way she called it, which is part of why I hate my deadname so much. My anger and shame and despair over everything was just left to fester.

I think the physical stuff stopped after I turned 12 but it was too late. I was already so so aggressive, the soul was pretty much sucked out of my corpse. I've felt like a dead guy walking for most of my years. I would homicidally ideate about killing her (I would never!!). all my friends who’ve known me before online school have been hit by me in some capacity. One kid, I feel so bad about him but he threw this frisby in my direction and it happened to hit me, and when he laughed it set me off so I genuinely beat him with the frisby till he was crying. and I was laughing until i got horrified by what I just did enough to try to take it back. I knew that I had scarred him in a way I had no right. Some kids at my school were truly scared of me and I felt better when they were scared cuz I could act like I was someone big and bad with a kind of control or power when I really wasn’t powerful at all. When I used to talk about being an awful person that was what I meant.

And I’ve had such conflicting urges toward what she did . When she finally stopped I found myself wishing she picked it back up again because I liked the sensations my thoughts accustomed to the spankings/feeling. I’m asexual and being harmed has been the only thing that can make me feel any sort of arousal now, and through that is the only way I’ve been able to manage my emotions about it. It’s developed into weird sexual fantasies about people hurting me in so many ways which have been impacting my ability to function normally since I was 12. im really masochistic now, always wanting to be hurt further whether through using SH or other people and ill be willing to put myself at risk as a consequence. I assume this might have been the cause of my history of violent/taboo sexual addictions when I was wayyy too young to even understand their impact. it wasnt good.

Furthermore, all this is kindve the reason our relationship is fractured in my eyes even though she’s really not doing anything wrong anymore. you can tell she’s a good mom and she’s trying her best as I’ve tried my best with all my might to forget but it’s so hard to act like that didnt happen and that I’m not broken and that being broken hasn't ruined most of my life. I’ve tried to talk about it with her in the past but she vehemently denied it and mocked me. it’s truly cemented that I’ve been hung up all these years over nothing and I don’t know why it won’t go away.

It’s not fair for me to hold this unrelenting animosity toward her sometimes but I’ve been miserable and it shows. maybe im just looking to point fingers for why I’m so fucked up but my heads making sooo much racket all the time I really wish it didn’t have to be like this and I didn’t have to be like this. There will never be a guy that hates his essence more than I do. I’ve tried to change from this, to stay happy and love everyone as much as I can. they call me sunshine, but everytime I get some time alone to think I’m just reminded how much I can’t live with myself, and im trying to hold on so tight and move on and be the brightest but I feel like my light only gets dimmer the longer I keep pushing. I wish i stayed in that half dead stupor sometimes because now that I’m alive again everything hurts sooo much I’m always pushed over the edge by one thing or another. But sincerely thank you for listening if you took the time to read this far, use me as an example NOT to spank your kids qwq

Summary: the reactions I had to spanking and the effects on my mental health have seemed disproportionately disturbing compared to the experience most people describe so lightly, I seemed to take it as something sexually violating and ruining, has anyone else felt the same about theirs or had similar experiences?

I'm sorry. It was my fault you felt bad. I didn't listen. I didn't think. Last time It went fine and you liked It and didn't felt bad and nothing happened and i felt overconfident. It's my fault and I'm sorry. And honestly? i always thought you were right. I am selfish and horrible and arrogant. I know. But tbh in the case at the very least there was a Little thing that would've spared us both the trouble, It's called Communication. Not that you would know. This morning before i even thought about cooking you said you had to eat something plain and simple for your stomach. When i was about to start cooking YOU SAID you wanted plain pasta and ASKED me to make It. And i did. Even after that I ASKED YOU "ARE YOU GONNA EAT THESE THINGS I'M MAKING TONIGHT OR ARE YOU GONNA EAT PLAIN AGAIN?" and you SAID "No. Do whatever you want. I can't eat them tonight." And i said "ok". ONLY AFTER THAT I PUT SEASONING YOU CAN'T EAT. bc YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA EAT THEM ANYWAY. I WAS PLANNING TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU, I ASKED YOU SAID NO. end of It. Then you asked if i could make you bread with the dough. I knew for a fact the dough wasn't gonna be enough and i told you. "Probably not cause there's a lot. But I can make other dough if you want." Cause that Is kinda how It works. You want bread? You tell me and i make It for you bc you asked. You can't Just leave hints last minute and expect me to figure It out anyway. I tried to make more Dough for you bread you literally forbid me from doing It cause i was a selfish b. All of that, remembering the fact you asked me for something else (the pasta) and i make It for you cause that what you asked. I asked if you wanted share and you SAID no.

All of that when in normal circumstances i always share with you. When i have adapt recipes i always do. But when i don't share with you bc you SAID specifically NO. I'm the Monster. Ok. Sure. Whatever.

i am 31 years old, and it seems like I've been wandering aimlessly through life without any real direction or purpose. no impressive qualifications, not a single diploma to my name, and it's like I'm stuck in some endless cycle of being judged inadequate and fired from one dead-end job after another. it's not just a single instance of bad luck either; it's a recurring nightmare, like clockwork, every few weeks. bosses look through me like I'm transparent, colleagues avoid conversation, and I find myself drifting back to the familiar disheartening embrace of unemployment. could it be that I am simply not good at anything?

it's not like I haven't attempted to excel at something. i've tried my hands at various trades, crafts, and roles, but each time, it feels like there's an invisible barrier that stops me from progressing beyond the rudimentary stages. people say practice makes perfect, yet even repeated efforts leave me stranded at mediocrity. it's downright humiliating and demoralizing to constantly fail at every endeavor. do you ever feel like life's a puzzle but you can't find any of the pieces that fit? it's like the world moves forward while i'm firmly anchored in place, unable to keep up, always a step behind the rest.

the social scene fares no better. no friends to lean on or have a beer with after another miserable day fighting the urge to give up. even my family, if you can call them that, are a bunch of self-absorbed nitwits who couldn't care less about my existence. if I dared to confide in them, they'd just wave it off as "my problems" without a shred of empathy or genuine concern. is it too much to ask for a single person who actually gives a damn about what's going on in my life? maybe even a semblance of encouragement every once in a while??? i'm aware i'm not some shining beacon of charisma, but a single friend would really make a world of difference. it's amazing how excruciatingly lonely life can get when you float around like a ghost that nobody notices.

i wonder how some people manage to glide through life so seamlessly when i'm perpetually stuck in a rut. is there some secret hack to success and fulfillment that i'm unaware of? considering the questionable state of my life, it's doubtful. i'm not naive; i know nothing worth having comes easy, but it feels like even when i exert myself, give it my all, I'm always falling short. always a few seconds too late, a dollar short, a skill under-mastered. my brain should be a vault of skills and knowledge by now, yet it seems disappointingly barren, rendering me unfit for anything beyond the bare minimum. sometimes the thought creeps in that maybe i'm just not cut out for this whole 'life' thing.

so here i am, punch-drunk with indecision and paralyzed by the fear of yet another failure. what is a purposeless man supposed to do in this chaotic world? maybe my supposed "indefinable potential" is more like imaginary bullshit i've been fed by well-meaning ignoramuses who refuse to accept some people are simply destined to drift. are dreams just illusions for the delusional, or is it possible there's a corner in this desolate maze where an opportunity might miraculously lie waiting??? i don't even know anymore. life feels like a game with no instructions, and i'm consistently losing. can anyone explain what the hell i'm supposed to do now?

Hi. I dont exactly know how to do this, but i really wanted to get this off my chest, so that i can put my focus on fixing myself, instead of carrying around all this baggage. Im not very good with english commas and stuff, as its a second language, so i appologize.

Ok, so i have a Sister. My relationship with her is very complicated. My main problem is that i get angry far too quickly. She could do the most midly annoying thing ever, and i would lose my head and lash out. This is obviously not right, and i need to control myself.

This anger stems from her and I having a lot of issues with one another growing up. The problem is, i can never pinpoint exactly one thing or a few specific things that i dislike her for. I just KNOW, its unforgivable. So i lash out at the drop of a hat, and can end up getting physically violent, which, at the moment of the outburst feels justified, but i know afterwards that i was in the wrong.

Our father is also a terrible person. He has crazy outbursts of anger too, and i despise him for it. Which i why i NEED to fix my anger issues, because there is nothing in this world i hate more than a hypocrite. Which he, unsuprisingly, is.

My mother on the other hand is the gentlest person ever. She is kind, tolerant, never raises her voice, and i look so much up to her. I want to be like that. People like my father hurt people, and end up alone. People like my mother can make others feel like the only ones who matter in the entire world, and i want to be that for other people. If only i could get a hold of myself.

Now, my sister is not a bad person. Because of my fathers anger issues, i KNOW she suffers too. As her older sibling Its my job to protect her, but i keep FAILING at it by lashing out exactly like he does. She has to deal with both of us, and the guilt of it eats me alive. But its not like feeling guilty is going to absolve me of my actions. You know the quote: A dog that howls after a kill is no better than the dog that eats. My guilt means nothing.

My sister deals with his anger by being rebellious. She drifts away, has little care for other people, acts disrespectfully and so on. I suppose thats one reason i hate her, but can i really allow myself that? It feels selfish of me. She also has developed a very nasty personality. And i know that word is harsh, but heres what i mean: She revels in putting people down. She constantly stops people from improving themselves by making them feel stupid for even trying. Basically, shes emotionally toxic. In all her relationships, platonic and familial. And I cant be mad at her over that. At least not when she does it to me. Because im worse. I lash out. And that will always be worse. What shes doing, is setting up defenses. Because if she tears people down, she wont be torn apart herself.

The funny thing is, this is also something my father does. Tears people down. Its like me and my sister are two halves of the same awful man. Maybe thats why we hate eachother.

Talking about out father. I do think my sister resents me. See, our mother treats her kids equally. Our father however has me as his favourite. Its obvious, because he barely tolerates my mother, my brother and my sister. Hes said it out loud too. That he only stays for me. So that means his outbursts are directed towards them, while i get off scott free. This doesnt mean he loves me. Ive sides with them, and every time i do, he lashes out at me too. However for some reason he always "forgives" me the easiest. I feel dirty.

Now, i didnt ask for this favouritism. I hate the way he treats my mother, brother and sister, because i love them. But i cant blame her for resenting me. After all, it does feel like the golden child masqurading as a good person doesnt it? I feel selfish and awful.

Even more so when i lash out. Because how could i not? Im acting like he does! And i need help managing my anger. Now some of you may say, well apologize then. The thing is, thats what my father does after his lash outs. He apologizes in this sweet voice, and if i started doing the same to my sister, she would be like a lamb trapped between two wolves, and i cant do that to her. I want to improve my actions before, you know, using my words. It would give her the wrong idea otherwise. I dont want to set her up for abuse in her future.

Although it does sometimes feel as though our relationship with eachother is now irrepearable. Ive ruined it, and it would be selfish of me to expect her to trust me again.

And my greatest fear, is that this is the same thought process HE goes through. What if he also feels this immense guilt after lashing out too? What if he tries and fails at managing his anger? I dont let these thoughts out to the ones close to me, like my mother, brother or sister, because i would feel selfish for garnering sympathy. Are we not the same then, he and I? I dont want that! I want to actually change, to actually start managing my anger and not be soo... weak. You know?

I want to be better for the people i love. So i REALLY need tips to manage my anger. I always feel like im in a dream like comatose state after lashing out. Like as if that was another person, and now i have to deal with their mistakes. I could really use some tips, some help. This post had to be made, so i could get it off my chest and focus on improving. I dont want to feel and act crazy anymore. I want to be better. And i need to put in the effort.

Thank you.

The love of my life is not talking to me but I badly wanna talk to him but I don't wanna message him first 😭😭😭😭

He should change his name , give me clues and also give me specific clues so I will know it is him hahahaha

Hi, so I'm here as a highschool student. I've always had an obsession towards my grades to the point if it fell below 80 I would break down crying and overthink about my future, I'm aware of the unhealthiness of obsessing over a grading system but it's been apart of me since 7th grade. When I first got my high ranking in middle school, I finally made my parents proud for once, I was usually met with resigned expression on their faces and sometimes disappointment, but here? They were happy I liked the look on their faces, my parents had always been emotionally unavailable so when I saw it I actually felt like I could do something for once. Now back to now my grades have been dropping drastically even after I studied till 3-4 AM. Every score I see the more I cry because it didn't the goal I set for myself, my parents always told me it's fine, but... that empty look on their faces the resigned expressions it made me panic and go into a spiral, especially with the expectations I've built up in 3 years. I got into student council, became an event organizer, I joined an English Speech club and I'm even taking foreign languages classes. My classes ends at 3 PM, making my free time almost nonexistent it's gotten so bad that I feel guilty when I actually have free time because I could've used that time to do something useful, I'm tired. And I'm also worrying about my family's finances... and I guess... that's it thanks.