Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 29

So yesterday the Marching Band season started

I have a friend who's in marching band. she's three years older than me, she's really awesome and she has GREAT taste in music.

I met her last year in last year's marching band season. (last year was my first year.)

Also last year, I had another friend.

He was pretty cool. We met because of a mutual friend I had made during that year's Spring Trainings.

We became pretty good friends.

The music that year was really stressful. I ended up crying in the hallway, considering quitting, but he gave me a pep talk.

I started to really like him.

Then, in the middle of the season last year, he stopped speaking to me for no reason at all.

And then, yesterday, first day of spring Trainings, I had to see him again.

It hurt like crazy.

I am tired about feeling like a failure.. I have done a mistake and I want to find amends to it.. But all I feel is I am tired I can't anymore..

My boyfriend feels hurt and I know I have hurt him but I don't know how to make amends. I know I am the worst person present.. I have let him down always.. I feel like I am the bad person in his life.. Somehow whatever happens I end up being the bad person.. I get angry I shout.. I don't know how to process anything.. I don't know how to go on.. I have made a decision to end my life right now.. I feel like I have no purpose and no motivation if things will be alright.. I have no hope left.. I can't change the situation nor myself and nothing is getting solved anymore.. So I have decided to die

i dont really kno how to explain it but like most days i feel happy but sad at the same time, like im laughin with my friends and everything seem fine, i go to school, i joke around, i listen to music, i even get excited for stuff like a new movie or some game night or whatever, but deep down theres this weird sadness just sittin there and i dont even kno why, like theres nothin wrong exactly, nothing i can point to and say “this is why im sad” but it’s just there like a quiet shadow followin me everywhere even when the sun’s out, i could be in the middle of a good moment and then boom i just feel kinda empty, and it dont make sense cause my life isn’t bad, i got a roof, i eat every day, my family’s not perfect but they’re not awful either, nd i got a few real friends, not a lot but enough, so why do i feel like this? why do i feel like im broken or like something’s missin? sometimes i’ll be walking home and suddenly i feel like crying for no reason at all, and i dont cry, not really, but like inside it builds up and makes my chest tight, and i try to smile through it cause i don’t wanna be the sad kid or make things awkward for other people, like they expect me to be chill and upbeat cause that’s what i’ve always been but i feel like im fakin it more and more lately, like i don’t even know if the smiles are real or just habit now, nd then when i try to explain it to someone i feel stupid cause i don’t even got a story to tell, it’s just vibes, like this weird heavy cloud that dont go away even when the sky’s blue, nd sometimes i think maybe that’s just life and everyone’s like this and they just hide it better or maybe im just soft or weak for lettin it get to me, but either way it sucks, cause i wanna be happy for real, not fake happy or happy with a side of sad, just happy and done, but it never last, it’s like i reach it for a sec and then sadness taps me on the shoulder again and i cant shake it, nd maybe that’s what scares me the most, that this weird mix of happy and sad is just who i am forever and i’ll never feel one without the other again.

Like ok I have really wanted a friend, not just any friend like a close friend essentially a best friend if you would say. I wanted one of those since late 2022. <jst smt random-

In 2022, would I really say I had this person? I think so? She’s kinda the reason I want one of these people, bc yh she really did kinda vibe with me , even when i wasn’t really vibing with her. Like i don’t really remember but she was an AMAZING responder(ATLEAST that what I remember??) I was young then, I would say she’s the reason 2022 (ATLEAST March-June) was so good>

So we stopped talking, I moved and tbh Id say I don’t really have friends here. Like tbh ever since like I stopped being friends with her, I never have that person again since like I think I’ve been trying to find a person the same as her? Yk? Like I’ve tried making a best friend online but they just aren’t really a vibe like I wouldn’t even say theif ever be a best friend to me , and the other way around.

This is gonna be about just like recently, so ‘highschool’ that’s what they call it here. Like ever since the 5th of September ive been sitting alone and I don’t think I have friends or atleast friends that are close, yk u sit with them at lunch, and all that close friend stuff. Like OK BEILVE ME I HAVE TRIED MAKING FRIENDS BUT EVERYONE CLEARLY HAS THEIR OWN FRIENDS. Like yk sciences in movies where a girl comes sit with the girl alone and they become friends and even closer, like seriously where is that person for me?? Where my friend that has ‘been through it all with me’ . Like around February this year I have been trying to manifest a friend but someone in a similar situation with me. Like they also have no friends so we hang out with each other but as uve prob guessed I don’t have them.

No cause I have tried I’ve tried with the new girl at my school (in like September I think?) the conversation was so one sided. Like I see her sometimes and I think shes still alone too, I’ve tried online making a bff I tried with a person , we exchanged flipping PHONES NUMBERS! I thought this will be it , but she really isn’t my kinda person. She says she hangs out with people she dislikes and she hates them, I was like then leave??? And she was like but IDONT wanna be alone. Ok yk I might be being petite but I literally tell her my situation and how I have no friends so why would she even say that??? Like abd overall her response ts are so bland like I think that’s a key thing for me in friends like fym ur a good ‘listener’ but not a good responder at that point let me just go talk to the wall

Well I think that’s all <3

So I don’t know if I want a best friend or someone who kinda relate to me and my situation?

I really hope someone actually gets this and not be like ‘it’s hard having no friends but u will find some!’

i really need someone to talk to

i’m a 16 year old girl, laying in my bed, and something is genuinely fucked in my head- people say that for attention and people say that like they want it but this isn’t that- for the past 6 years i’ve had extreme antisocial tendencies as proclaimed by my psychiatrist, and i just don’t know what to do. i feel stuck. i don’t know how to change in an environment that insists that i cannot and never will. i really just need someone to talk to; i told a real life friend, they thought i was insane. i need the anonymity.

this is my experiences

4 am in the bathroom

The door locked

Don't let anyone in

Banging your head against the wall

Tears streaming down your face

The red river dripping from the wrist to floor

The pain intoxicating, pulling you in

Until you feel numb

Each mark deeper and deeper

No one must know

You feel the shame and guilt wash over you

You hide away

Long sleeves in the summer

"Come on take off your hoodie it's warm"

Then they find out

The screaming, the fighting

The arguing

The cycle repeats itself

4 am in the bathroom

The door locked

Don't let anyone in

basically my dad passed away almost two years ago (july 18) and the only time i have visited him was when we buried him.

he died of a heart attack cause he was drunk at the beach when it was hot. he had a drinking problem for as long as i can remember but it was particularly bad the year he passed.

i remember that back then i had just started high school. between all the shit he was pulling (i wont list them but it is pretty bad) and puberty i got very hateful and even got into drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. i really hated him back then, because i felt like he was all that was wrong with the family (very untrue).

now that ive matured and healed a little, i wanna visit him. all along, i never really hated him. i love him and i hope he knew that when he passed.

also im sober too, my drugs phase thankfully didnt last long

when he was sober, my dad was a chill guy. although i didnt get to see him sober a lot, it pissed me off how good his potential as a father was.

after a while, i grew to understand the dynamics of my family that led him down this path. he did bear a part of the blame, but ive come to understand that the alcohol was just his way of coping.

when drunk, my dad once said that when he dies, he hopes i will visit his grave because he wants to bear my 'beautiful voice'.

the reason why i have gone yet is because i didnt feel ready to fully accept the fact that hes really gone and isnt coming back. i have so many regrets that i cant even list them all

i really wanna go, but i dont know what i would say.

i love you dad, if you can see me. i miss you more than i thought was possible

2021. Everyone's locked up inside. Online classes and texts the only way i could spend any sort of time with my friends. So our social studies teacher decided to give us some homework. A group project. yuck.

I got assigned to a group of ppl i hadn't ever spoken to. Except for this one guy. He was this kid who'd joined our school in 5th grade and we'd spoken a couple of times. So we were talking about the project and soon drifted off to other things. We started texting each other every other day and things were fine. Then our school decided it was time to get kids back in their classrooms.

So after nearly half a year of texting i finally got to talk to him in person. Every now and then I'd look over to see what he was doing and well um. Turns out he was already looking at me. He tried to cover up for the fact that he was staring (and failed miserably) and somehow, it gave me butterflies .

That went on for a few weeks and he asked me if I liked anyone. And me being the idiot i am decided i was too scared to tell him bc i was so sure he didnt like me back and told him i liked his best friend (kmn). But thankfully he wasn't that stupid <3.

So just like that, we started dating. Just to give you a picture, he was tall, really cute, played basket ball and loved math (such a nerd). Our love language was basically staring at each other from across the classroom, and drawing infinities on our wrists (those meant more to me than hearts).

Our school was very conservative so holding hands under the desk was the craziest thing we could do. We never got to hug let alone kiss but holding his hand made me feel like i was flying. With most Indian parents, the only high school romance you could have was with your text books so we had to keep it a secret from them too.

Fast forward to valentine's day. Typical day except before leaving he told me to check my bag. I got home to find a pack of Hershey's kisses.

We used to lend each other books to read and slip letters between the pages. It was really cute :'>.

We were happy. I was thoroughly in love with this guy. It felt too good to be true.

And suddenly something broke. He became cold and distant. We didn't speak as much as we used to. I was worried sick and i didn't know how to help. When we finally sat down to have a talk he said it was family stuff that he couldn't talk to me about just yet, and i felt really guilty for not being understanding about his silence. But it had hurt a lot...

Few weeks later. It's sports day at school. He's talking to who i thought was my best friend ( more on that another time). He said he needed to talk so we went to a corner and he was nearly in tears. He started apologizing frantically. I assumed he was apologizing for not talking to me for so long...but it was something much worse.

He said he needed to breakup with me. NEEDED to.

In that moment, everything inside me went numb. I tried to say something but i choked on my own words. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry but there were too many people around. So i walked away.

I swore i wouldn't let myself cry there because i knew if i started i wouldn't stop. So i smiled and smiled and smiled. But I couldn't just leave like that now, could I?

It took everything in me to go back to him on the stairs. He asked me sit. So i asked him why he needed to break up with me and he said he wasn't able to focus on his studies. I was so naive I took his word for it. Only to find out 3 whole years later that the real reason was that it was too much for him. I'd been overwhelming this guy and hadn't even realized. I still don't know what I'd done to make him feel so pressurized....

Even after the break up I did the stupidest things. I hit a rebound with his friend and lied about it. He found out and of course he couldn't forgive me, I carried that guilt around for a year and a half only to realize that it didn't matter anymore. He was happy now. What more could i ask for? (sorry for making it so cheese but it is what it is...<3)

I'm a horrible friend. I say stuff I don't mean, and it's usually hurtful or something. And I hate myself for it. All my friends (except one) have stopped talking to me, I've vented about it on here before, but now I understand why. I'm a mean, horrible person. No wonder they all hate me. I try to be myself but the person I truly am is a jerk. Maybe if I'm someone else they'll like me again. I constantly feel the need to change myself for them, so maybe that's what actually needs to happen. Maybe I do need to change. Maybe if I make the right changes, they'll talk to me again. Maybe if I'm interested in the same things as them, if I talk the way they do, if I act like them, if I think like them, if i have the same sense of humour as them, they'll be friends with me again. Because I know they'll never love who I really am. They'll never accept me for the asshole I am inside. I need to be more like them.

Hi I am Amelia and I would like to share my story, so on the first day of starting my new school i was hated for no particular reason I got through the day by myself and I got home and had a friend request of a boy from my year in school and it said “listen hear new girl who even are you” and I said “there is no need to be rude to me i haven’t done anything wrong to you but I’m Amelia you?” And he said “none of your business” and I said “okay then ima block you” and he said “do that and I will rape you” and I have BPD so I got mad quickly so the next day in school I saw him I went up to him and I said “go on then rape me” and he said “fuck off you slut” and I didn’t even say nothing back I threw a punch and knocked him out with one punch I got excluded and became the most hated person in my school when I went home after my exclusion I had death threat messages of girls and boys from my school telling me to kill myself and slit my wrists and sick things like that and as I have BPD I am very sensitive so I listened to them yes I slit my wrists yes I attempted to kill myself, nobody noticed apart from my English teacher who is now one of my favourite teacher she pulled me out of class as she noticed all of the scars on my wrists and she said “Amelia I know we haven’t really spoken before but you know i am always here for you” and from that day we have this connection between us like someone actually understood what I was going through and yes I still struggle really badly with my mental health yes I still hurt myself but at least I know I can always go and speak to my English teacher she is the only friend I have and is my best friend, in primary school I suffered with severe bullying because of how I looked I weren’t the most good looking kid when I was younger and all of this on top as at home it was the worst I was abused by my parents and had nobody to talk to, and home was an escape from school but school was an escape from home, to this day I haven’t told anybody how much I am struggling I am holding on for dear life debating wether or not I should let go.

Uh yeah. So my best friend, we'll call her Katy. She like's physical touch, but she seems to only like it when it's from me. She's always asking for hugs, but if anyone besides me so much as headpats her, she's like "MRRRRR" and yesterday, she sent me an email (we email back and forth yk) and the email had four questions from her, and one of them was "would u ever date me~" and so I just answered with "uh maybe possibly hypothetically theoretically alphabetically historically rhetorically numerically" (cuz why not? it's funny) and she hasn't said anything else about it so... but she also often just takes my hand and holds it in hers, and sometimes kisses it, but I mean that could just be her liking the touch... idk. I'm kinda confused. My other friend, we'll call her Rose, says Katy totally likes me, but I'm not really sure.

WHen did I become so numb? When did I lose myself? All the words that leave my tongue are like they came from someone else... I'm paralysed... Where are my feelings? I no longer feel things, I know I should... I'm paralysed... Where is the real me? I'm lost, and it kills me inside... I'm paralysed... When did I become so cold? When did I become ashamed? WHERE'S THE PERSON THAT I KNOW? THEY MUST'VE LEFT. They must've left with all my strength. I'm paralysed, I'm scared to live, but I'm scared to die. And if life is pain, then I buried mine a long time ago, but it's still alive. And it's taking over me. Where am I? I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside. But I don't feel nothing, I wonder why. I'm in the race of life, and time passed by. Look, I sit back and I watch it, hands in my pockets. Waves come crashing over me, but I just watch them. I just watch 'em. I'm underwater, but I feel like I'm on top of it. I'm at the bottom, but I don't know what the problem is. I'm in a box, but I'm the one who locked me in it. I'm suffocating, I'm running out of oxygen.

Sometimes I just sit in the car in the driveway, engine off, keys still in the ignition, and I stare out through the windshield, not really lookin at anything. Just sitting there. Not because I'm too tired to walk inside, but because I’m too emotionally tired to face the silence that waits for me in that house. I’m 38 years old, married for almost ten years, and every day feels heavier than the last. My job takes every bit of my time and energy. The meetings, the deadlines, the constant emails at midnight—it never stops. And the irony is, I worked sooooo hard to get here, to build a career I could be proud of. But now that I have it, all I can feel is empty. I don’t feel proud, I feel worn out. I feel like I gave everything I had just to be in a place that doesn’t even fulfill me anymore.

And then there’s my marriage. We don’t fight, not really. But we don’t laugh much anymore either. We talk about the groceries, the bills, who’s picking up dinner. But we don’t talk about us. We haven’t in a long time. He’s a good man, dependable, quiet, never cruel—but there’s just no spark left. Maybe there never really was and I convinced myself the stability was love. Maybe we just got older and forgot how to connect. Whatever it is, it’s gone now. He sleeps on his side of the bed, I sleep on mine. We don’t touch. We don’t share dreams. And worst of all, I don’t even feel sad about it anymore. I just feel numb. Like I already mourned it years ago, silently, and now I’m just existing in the after.

There was a time when I wanted kids more than anything. I'd look at mothers pushing strollers at the park and my heart would ache. I tolld myself I’d try “next year,” once things slowed down. But they never did. There was always another promotion to chase, another work trip, another long night at the office. And now? Now I don’t even know if it’s physically possible. And even if it was, I don’t know how I’d manage. Bringing a child into this life would be like dropping them into the middle of chaos. I wouldn’t have time to give them what they deserve. And deep down, I don’t think I’d want to do it with him. Not like this. Not when I already feel like I’m holding myself together with tape.

It’s a weird kind of grief, mourning the life you thought you’d have while still living the one you built. I scroll through social media and see people with their families, their toddlers painting messy art, their husbands kissing their cheeks, and I feel this sharp mix of envy and regret. I want to scream at my younger self, tell her to slow down, to not wait so long. To make different choices. But I can’t change the past, and the future feels like a narrow hallway with no doors. I don’t know what comes next. I can’t even imagine it. All I know is that I’m tired. Not just tired like I need sleep—but tired in my soul. Tired in my bones.

Sometimes people at work say things like “you’re so strong” or “you’ve got it all together” and I wanna laugh. If they only knew. If they knew how many nights I sit on the bathroom floor with the shower running so he won’t hear me cry. How many times I’ve opened my mouth to say “I’m not okay” and swallowed it back down. How often I wonder what it would feel like to just leave. To star t over somewhere new. But I don’t. I stay. Because it’s easier. Because change is scary. Because I tell myself it’s too late, even if some small part of me still hopes it’s not.

So here I am. Thirty-eight, successful on paper, stuck in a quiet marriage, childless not by choice exactly, but by exhaustion. I don’t need anyone to rescue me. I don’t even need anyone to fix it. I just wish someone could sit next to me and say, “I see you. I know you’re tired. And it’s okay.” Because right now, all I’ve got is this weight on my chest and a life that looks fine from the outside but feels so empty inside. I’m not falling apart exactly—I’m just emotionally tired. Too tired to keep pretending everything’s fine. Too tired to know what to do next.

(All the names in this story are fake names) so basically i am in year 11 and i am 15 years old and i just had a drama exam and we were doing a scene from the play the dawn raids (if u dont know what the dawn raids are just search it up) and i was originally in a group with exchange students and this girl called Abigail but then my teacher swapped the groups because they were leaving before the drama exam so me Abigail, Elle, Sue, Kayla and me were put in a group i was happy because Elle was my best friend from primary school, Abigail i just met so I didn’t really know anything about her, Sue i just met her but she has autism so i knew i had to help her a little bit with the lines, Kayla she was an exchange student but unlike the others she was here for the whole year, anyway so Abigail was sick when the scene and roles were decided and because our scene had three characters mr said were had to repeat the same scene but sue would play the cop in both plays the week after this Elle was in Aussie and Abigail was sick still so Kayla, sue and i practised the scene and did the blocking and there was a specific move that only my group had anyway a few days away from exam day Elle, Abigail and sue were practicing then my exchange student friend Yasmine was all along since her group left so I offered her to play the cop in my scene as in me and Kayla then the group of five of us split up into two groups one group containing Abigail,Elle and sue then the other was containing me Kayla and Yasmine so the exam day comes and we perform my group does well and there were like two other groups including Elle, Abigail and Sue so this move was basically the only way that our group stood out and it separated us from the other two groups doing the same scene and then the next monday my drama teacher was like because half of the groups didn’t do that well I’m extending it so we’re just going to pretend that Friday was a dress rehearsal so my group was like okay whatever we’re going to do it again and on Monday we performed to get feedback so the next lesson which was on Tuesday we were going to put the feedback that we got from our classmate and teacher, to try to perfect it and so I was just standing outside waiting for my group members to meet me where we normally practice outside and their Elle Abigail and Sue were practising their soon and at this point my group was out and I was just watching and then I saw them use the move that separated us from the other groups and so me and my group walked away to the other ping-pong table and I’m just like did you see that like they used to move and after about half an hour I rack up the courage to tell elle about it and it takes me awhile because I’m not a confrontational person so I tell her and I’m like hey we don’t like that you the move because it’s the only thing that separates us and mix a stand like apart from the other two groups and she’s like okay I can tell Abigail but you have to be with me and I’m like fine because although I’m not confrontational and I didn’t want to do it I know that I had to compromise otherwise nothing was going to get sorted out so I so I walk behind Elle and then Elle I feel like for me under the bus and it’s like Abigail Eve has something to say to you and I stare at Elle so i sorta felt betrayed and angry anyway so I don’t look Abigail in the eye and I just look at the floor and then I know that I should’ve been louder but I talked quietly and explain our reasoning. The next day I am in math and I tell my friends about what happened as I wanted advice and I want to vent and then my friend Blake was like I have her next period for media they share the same media studies class do you want me to ask her about it and I’m like sure whatever so Blake tells Abigail about it and media and then Abigail emails me but I didn’t see that till third period in science when I had to send an email to a teacher and so I respond to her email and I say not anything against you it’s just I feel like this move separates us from the other two groups and our scene was hard to block because of like it was outside and like these two people are walking but there isn’t really anything else to do with it other than walk and sit so we were really angry and upset and disappointed that our move got stolen and basically when I talk to Abigail she was like we thought of it like when we were a group altogether collectively and I’m like no we didn’t as you were sick and Elle was in Aussie and and she said that we were gatekeeping the move but as I see we weren’t keeping it for the sake of gatekeeping it gatekept it because it was the only move that separated us so anyway after that we had like drama last period and Elle comes up to me and it’s like I want to sort this out can we please talk to Mr and I’m like I’m fine with that but you have to talk to Abigail about it so Elle goes up to Abigail and they talk for about five minutes then Elle comes back to me and it’s like Abigail said that we won’t use that anymore and I’m like sweet okay cool and so it goes another group then it’s Abigail Elle and Sue go before us and they use the move and then Mr asked if like getting one more sound and stuff and like lighting for a part of their group came up with doing siren lights and a siren sound effect for when the cop comes in and Abigail must’ve heard that and then she used that as well as the move that she said that they wouldn’t use

So I cant find this meaning of self love people keep talking about. It's so foreign to me. I grew up with my parents divorced and I lived with my father. My father use to beat me when I was younger because of the mistakes I used to make such as not writing correctly I'm kindergarten. Not reading correctly in the first grade. Not doing math properly Not tieing my shoes properly. Anything I didn't do correctly the first time was corrected violently. Our only activity we did was he had many drink with him starting at the age of 10 getting drunk with him on beer. He kept thinking me and him were supposed "half demons" thinking he can just change the colors of his eyes with a thought. And one day when I was 20 he pressed the teeth of a machete against my throat daring me to move. I had to forcibly grab the blade while he had it pressed against my throat forcing it away from my throat. He tried twisting the handle to cut my hand in doing so. I say all this because I don't really see the point of living I don't want to keep going you know. Anytime a flood warning or a tornado warning happens I get relieved thinking maybe it's my time to go now it can finally all end. I'm in my 20s but I feel like I'm in my 120s waiting for someone or life itself to pull the plug. It's hard to really get up everyday and honestly I'm numb to most things. I think my mental decline trying to keep everything together over the years has reduced me to this state. Alot of friends I used to hang out with are gone now living their own lives. I tried seeking a relationship like others my age but it didn't work out to well. I had surgery on my shoulder which cost me all my finances struggling to keep up with rent and bills etc and I don't know back to my original point I'm just tired just not wanting to keep going. Whatever light there was at the end of the tunnel or those happy moments to cling onto has faded over the years.