Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 30

I've been struggled with depression since I was in grade 3 or 4. I didn't know what "depression" is until I grew up. And now, I'm still dealing with it every single days.

So i'm currently in my final year in university, i have a lot of things to worry about included my family, my future jobs, my future life,... so i sometimes feel overwhelm. In the final year, you're usually go to a company or an office to start your internship, right? Me too, but things didn't work out like I planned. My step-dad said that he can handle this because of his "wide networks" so he can find me a good place for my internship. It was the government's office, i didn't like it at first but still accept it because it related to my major. But people at the office didn't welcome me because they saw me entering the office as a "nuisance" or "this girl is good for nothing, only rely on her dad relationship". Then they made things hard for me to get my CV accepted. So right now, I still didn't get my internship, meanwhile, all the students in my uni are starting their owns. My friends too, they talked about how cool and lively their work environment are. It made me feel embarrased and bored. Not to mention, if I don't get my internship, I'll have to re-do my class ONE MORE YEAR. And I can't graduate on time.

Also, I'm kinda lost these days. I missed all the plan I've made and rot in bed days after days. Even tho in my head, I know I should get rid of those bad hanits of mine but I just can't find the motivation for it. And my mother tended to force me on doing houseworks instead of letting me go out for fresh air. She said i have to take care of my younger brothers and the house. And whenever i do something that trigger her, she'll beat me and scream at me with harsh words. I've been like this since I was in Kintergarden🫠 well she even said "i wish you were never born to me" so yea, i'm used to it. You may think I'm weak or helpless but that's just how I deal with my life. I still live til this day, but I'm not sure I can keep up with living like this anymore.

It sounds hardless. But my uncle is a fatshamer who says I'm ugly because I'm overweight. My grandma has lost her marbles and also talks about me being overweight. My other grandma is a nymphomaniac who makes me hella uncomfortable. The other uncles basically doesn't exist and the one I got along with really well died in front of me...and my parents are...Well...debatable. They want me to pay 400 in rent and that was fine when I earned 1800 by working 6 days a week for 8 hours a day (I'm on minimum wage) now with uni They cut my hours. I pay for everything myself and I pay for my little brother's stuff. I cannot afford 400 in rent. And they just said "stop buying things" and I'm like...I go out twice a week for coffee. That is it. The rest is spent on THEIR son. I cannot afford to move out because I have no secure job nor hours. But yet I'm the villain. And I have "no problems in life". I go to work where I'm being mistreated just to be used, judged and still be broke.

I’m struggling a lot with life I think, and finding myself thinking or fantasizing what the world would be like without me in it which I’m really worried about. It started in Nov of 2023, when I got this certification for my field of work. I felt really proud of myself as it was a really big deal, and thought that things would only go up from there. Fast forward a couple of months, me and my ex, my first really serious relationship, split up. Without going into too much detail, we both had issues with the other person, both did crappy things (probably moreso me), and knew it wasn’t healthy to continue. We agreed to still live together as roommates, as neither of us can afford to really live on our own, and felt we were still friends at the end of it all. At first I think I just suppressed it, tried distracting myself with activities, work, playing games with online friends, etc. I didn’t start realizing how I really felt until about 5 months later, when I just kinda realized I wasn’t over her. I told her how I felt and she agreed to work on it but that it was going to take some serious time. Over the next few months I tried working it out and fixing things, albeit going about it the wrong way and lovebombing, becoming exhausted and putting me in a really bad spot mentally. She text me one day when I was at work saying she couldn’t reignite feelings and she didn’t want to continue trying, and that I should’ve figured myself out sooner (but also not? idk I still can’t wrap my head around that one). To her credit she would come check in on me at first, and I guess I missed the hint as I had been under the impression that she wanted nothing to do with me relationship wise ever again. I felt crushed I think, and in a way led on but I knew that really wasn’t her fault. I told her I also didn’t have feelings anymore being a lie, moreso I just don’t want to have feelings anymore. Since then I’ve been in a limbo, it’s felt downhill ever since. On top of all of this going on, work was really demanding over the last year as my supervisor was absent for maybe a collective quarter of the year to the point that I couldn’t remember the last time he worked a full work week consecutively (which is uncommon in my field), which mentally and physically drained me even more. My online friends also turned out to not be who I thought they were, and started talking to them less and less. I tried therapy for awhile, but that wasn’t really working. Fast forward to now, I’m constantly in a deep depression. Hearing her laugh in her room playing games with friends and knowing she now has a boyfriend is almost like a constant punch in the gut. I’m getting back into my hobbies which is helping a little bit, but like i’d mentioned I still think about the world without me in it, and even though I think about something else almost immediately, I’m thinking about it more and more lately. I know I need to get out of this house, but I don’t know where to go, plus for better or worse I still care about her and don’t want her to struggle finding a place either. I feel trapped and alone I think. Sorry for the long post, been holding onto this one for awhile.

F18, I apologize right away, because I will write chaotically and jump abruptly from the topic. I just feel that I need to vent, but I have no one to talk to, so I am writing here. And English is not my native language, I write through a translator. I am currently studying at the institute, and I have no motivation to study. I have no motivation for anything at all. I don't know if I like what I am studying, if this is

who I want to become in life. I don't feel smart, I feel stupid, my social circle is much smarter than me, but I can't find the strength to try to study too. I don't feel like I have any real friends, even though I know I have them and I'm privileged to have friends at all. But lately I just don't feel comfortable talking to people. I just don't want to do anything. I hate myself, my body, the way I speak, my behavior, my character. I have no talent for anything, I can't do anything perfectly like others. I want to lose weight, but I can't. I can't remember myself without wanting to lose weight. I don't see myself as beautiful, I don't think I will be beautiful even if I lose weight. I've never been in a relationship, I've never experienced teenage love, it's forever lost to me. I am just so tired. There are still so many topics I want to write about, but there are explosions outside my window and I'm afraid my mom will ask me to go into the hallway and see me crying. So I'm finishing up. Maybe next time. Thank you to everyone who read this.

So, sometimes I feel quite sad and forgotten when people forget my birthday. Like, I'd cry in my brithday because someone I saw as a close friend completely forgot about it. I mean I know it's normal for people to not remember everyone else's special day, especially if they're busy with life and all. But it still makes me very sad since over the past few years I've made them drawings, custom gifts and animations by myself and they've never remembered my birthday even once for those years. I just wanted them to greet me.

So, I've been rather lonely for the past couple of years. About 6 years, in fact. Physically speaking I am not lonely,I've always had caring family and friends around me. But emotionally, I've felt detached and disorientated for the past few years. I've been mentally unstable,have attempted to kill myself about 3 times, and also self harmed a lot (I've been clean of self harm for a few months, though, fortunately.)

Anyways.For me, nothing beats feeling lonely than playing truth or dare with yourself and postinsetting up questions asking about my own day in a fake chat to try and cheer myself up.I don't understand a few things,to be honest. Why do i feel lonely even though there's so many people keeping me company? What did I do to deserve all these wonderful and caring human beings? Unlike them, I'm nothing good. I'm practically just a worthless parasite, and yet they all put up with me. My family, friends, and practically everyone I know. I don't understand how someone can like something like me. I'm just worthless anyways. But yet I want to be loved. My minds been a conflicting and overwhelming mess for years now, and I still don't know how to manage it. Somedays I find myself getting better. Somedays I find myself back in this loop of confusion and frustration. I don't want to continue being like this. I want to be happy with everyone else. So I guess I'll try again. I've failed, sure, multiple times. But I'll try again. And I'll keep trying. I'm going to die anyways. We all are. So since it's inevitable,might as well give life a small chance.

I don’t know, but even I’m confused about what’s happening. I hope... I really hope my suspicion isn’t true...

That I have a third eye. I don’t want to tell my family because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or that they won’t believe me. Even I can’t believe it myself...

It happened when my family and I attended the funeral of my dad’s friend. His daughter had died by suicide. I remember it was nighttime, and everyone there was busy playing card games and talking. I was sitting alone, using my phone, when I glanced at the coffin. I saw the girl's hand hitting the glass part of the coffin. I didn’t know if I was just seeing things, but after a few seconds, it disappeared like nothing happened.

Sometimes, on my way home from school, I see one or two kids asking for money. They look normal. I was about to give them some coins, but I was shocked when the coin passed right through the child's hand. Right after that, a classmate who was also heading home asked me who I was talking to and who I was giving money to. I told them it was the kid begging for money, but when I turned back, the child was gone. My classmate was even surprised and said they never saw any kid come near me.

I have a gf, and we've been dating for a couple months. I'm kinda uncomfortable with the lovey dovey things but sometimes I'm cool w it. Today I visited her place and told her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and that I may be aroace, this wasn't the first time this happened tho (Our relationship has been an off and on switch mostly because of me, I keep telling her that I'm not really ready for a relationship or that I'm not attracted to her but I still get into a relationship w her just bc of a "feeling").

I don't know why she still wants to be in a relationship with me, it's so obvious that we won't work out. I'm such a jerk really. I hate seeing the look on her face when I tell her that were not gonna work out. I hate it, so so much.

Ignore my grammar mistakes :')

Hey, so I just wanted to share some bad experiences with stress with school and relationships, so I have trust issues but I feel like no body know that because they always tell me to trust them, then also school full on stresses me out because we get a bunch of work piled on to everything we have to do and then by the end of the day I just feel very drained and feel like I can't do anything but then my parents get upset at me for having a messy room, but I don't have any motivation to do anything at the moment because I'm constantly being told to be 100% honest with everyone but I can't do that because they'll just tell everything to someone else and I just don't know what to do now.

I anonymously shared a story here a few days ago about being in a relationship that felt toxic and left me feeling like I was going crazy. I blamed myself a lot, only to realize that, by attempting to fix a relationship in such a broken state and with such a bad history, I was doing myself a disservice. I talked with close friends and made my resolve. I can't leave the toxic relationship right now because of a dependency issue. I will be leaving as soon as I get back my independence. I am making plans already to how I will go about saving up the money and running away without warning. My partner could change and be the person they always should of been, but then that would be far too late for me. It's been 4 years and I feel all the time I had wasted just to feel in the dating stages again for the 8 time or so. I am here to seek advice. I don't want anyone in running away from to suspect anything about me leaving. How to I cope with playing pretend all day and being in tears at night? I feel like I'm not myself anymore and with lots of anxiety about being found out too early. Thank you for taking the time to read this and share perspectives with me.

i checked my email today and noticed that MadeWithGSAP was released last wednesday. i got so excited because i’ve waited 2–3 months for this and wanted to learn more about GSAP’s capabilities (and hopefully i get to learn something in the long run). so, i checked the website out to see if it’s there.

but…that’s when i realized that it’s paid. it’s PAID. €85 for 50 GSAP effects? that’s like ₱5,153.55 here. bruh, that’s 1 1/2 months worth of groceries with that money. i can’t buy it because i’m a first-year college student, and i don’t even have a job yet.

man, that realization really hits me. it made me think about years ago when i’ve vented so much about why almost everything on the internet is expensive here in the philippines. why does life treat me like this?? man, i’ve waited for months and felt a bit of excitement, but all this wait for nothing? what am i going to do with all this? i don’t even know how to recreate those effects just from the previews they have on their website. i just can’t…do this.

Despite people telling me I'm pretty and intelligent, no one has ever been interested in me romantically. They always want me out of interest or for my body. I'm 19, and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me as time goes by.

It's true that, since I'm studying at uni, I don't have much time to focus on looking for a relationship, but even so, I think it's quite strange that no one has shown even a bit of interest in getting to know me as a person, rather than just using me. Furthermore, seeing that all my friends have had at least one relationship makes me feel even more "isolated."

I would like to know if this is a normal feeling and how I can improve my situation. Thank you so much.

(this post will be all over the place, I'm so sorry in advance) M17, I'm a failure. Point blank and simple, I can't seem to do anything right. I always forget stuff, simple or not, like hitting the send button sometimes or I leave something at my house whenever I go somewhere. It's so frustrating. And that's not all; My grades are like B's, which isn't that bad, but I am always told that "you're a smart kid" so then why tf am I making straight B/C's? (Anything below a 70 is not accepted in my house btw) I honestly just hate myself, who I am, what I look like, how I act. It's all just, eff me honestly. I'm the class clown, so I'm loud, obnoxious, annoying, and other such. I have a girlfriend, but I am starting to feel like she's drifting away, which makes me so upset, I don't want to lose her, she's been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, but I always try to be supportive, kind, loving and there for her, but I just, idk. I have Narcolepsy and Anxiety, so I'm often tired and stressed about too much. I just want a frickin' break, like seriously, I can't win at anything anymore. I'm so done. I won't k!ll myself because I'm too scared of dieing, but sometimes it's so hard to just exist. Like I just want to escape it all sometimes for like a week or two, that's all I ask, but I know I won't get that. Also college and my career scare me, I have a year left and I still don't know what I want to be, and I feel this pressure that I have to know soon, it's just all so much. If you've made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you wasting your time on me and my emotional prison. I hope you have a good day

i feel like im losing my mind. ive been thinking about this guy constantly for a while even though ive never met him? i havent texted him in nearly a year after he told me he thinks im too young for him but i cant get him off my mind, i just want to meet him. worst part is im already seeing someone whos great and i feel so awful thinking about someone i dont even know! what do i do?!

Me and my partner have been together almost 2 years this year, and recently his mother passed away so I really tried my best to show my support from him and even try to cheer him up, I'm not rushing for him to get better immediately since losing someone you love isn't easy. But by the time he's shwoing positive energy or vibes around me and even saying that he already moved on as I further asked him if he is okay and such, I thought that everything would go back to normal.

Yesterday I accidentally fall asleep because I was really tired, but I didn't chat my partner that I fell asleep and such. So he's been giving me the cold shoulder which i really hate because its hard to make up with him when he's acting like that, but as much as possible I really tried to put my pride down as due to the issue that he is dealing with.

Just today I was asking if he is okay then he lashes out to me entirely on how he waited for hours and I didn't even bother updating him, even a simple one would've been nice he said, which I repeatedly kept saying my reason but he's still angry at me.

This hasn't been the first time that it happened but it's slowly killing me inside, I know that I should consider and try to understand his feelings that's why as much as possible when he's angry at me I dont argue with him and repeatedly kept saying sorry and I'll try to be better. One of the things that has marked my mind is that after I said that I'll be better ge said back to me that "you're only making it worst" and by the time that I need to go hom at his mom's funeral I happen to overhear the word "irritating" which I think he was referring to me because I kept on insisting that I need to go hom because I needed tl do something.

I'm really trying my best even pushing myself out of my boundaries even sometimes disobeying my parents orders just to be with him, it's slowly hurting the pain that I have been repeatedly been feeling over and over and over again keeps building up why is it unfair when it comes to me. Whenever I get angry it doesn't have to be like this complicated and hard to reach out to me why when it comes to him I would struggle a lot.

Im slowly getting tired, I still love him but im getting tired, I want to keep going but it's getting harder and harder.

I just want everything to end