Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 28

So... I can no longer cry.

I used to cry as much as a normal kid, but my parents (my mum specifically) started yelling at me for crying. When my brother and I would argue, she always took his side even if he was arguing that 2+2=8 then yell at me. When i started crying after ~15-30 mins of her straight screaming at me, she would tell me that "crying is going to get you nowhere so be quiet" and that "there is no reason for you to be crying because you're in the wrong. you are going to get in more trouble after this if you keep this up". and so on. those were some of the lighter ones but you get the picture. she would tell me that crying was useless and weak and that it would get me nowhere. i started coming up with little ways to slow it down like holding my breath and blurring my eyes without letting the tears fall, or even running to the bathroom, wiping my eyes and coming back out. BTW, i was 5. then by the time i had learned to control my tears completely (at around 8) i started getting angrier easily as a way of coping. ofc my parents got mad for that even more than crying so now i'm almost emotionless. when my mum yells at me she now gets upset because i don't react. i will remain completely calm as if i dont gaf, then my mum will give up and my dad will get mad at me for not reacting.

this all seems good except for the fact that now when i am deppressed, i can't let it out at all. it is worse than you'd expect. basically, i feel everything worse but don't show it. it just goes into an invisible jar with everything else i've stored over the years. i'm 12 now and i sriously don't know what to do right now. on top of a whole lot of other things i hae going on rn, this is getting too much, even for me. and i don't crack.

is this normal or what bcz all my friends can cry. does anyone have any solution or any ideas? im trying here.

luv you guys and thanks for reading this ik its alot.

Hey... this is gonna be tough to say.

TW // talk about rape

so... my partner, K, has been raped a few times in her life. I understand it to a degree, having been sa'd multiple times and raped once myself, but I can't seem to silence my thoughts. Whenever I am alone thinking, I for some reason start to think about the fact that she was raped, and I get urges to ask for descriptive details about them, things like who it was, what their relation was to her, where it happened, how it happened, what they did, basically things that should never be asked. I am not necessarily afraid that I am going to slip up and end up asking them, but I'm worried where they come from, because it feels almost like i want to know the details so i can imagine myself in that situation. Almost like I want to have lived her life and experienced all the good and bad she's been through and its kind of eating me up. I can't seem to understand why i want to be her so badly.

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, friends. I’m not acting normal. I feel like I’m about to interact with a girl, and I’m going crazy. I don’t want to come off like this—with all this anxiety. I live alone, dear friends, and I don’t want to give her or her family a bad impression of people who live this way.

If she’s going to be with me—which I don’t even know why I’m saying that, considering we’ve barely spoken—I don’t want her to think of me like that. I believe people who live alone deserve respect, and often, we don’t get it. That’s been my experience—people have taken advantage of me, played games with me, even tried to invade my space. It’s awful. You feel like the whole world is trying to mess with your life. Like everyone wants to change you. It’s deeply uncomfortable, friends.

I don’t want to go to her house and have her or her family try to change me. I don’t want anyone to try to mold my life to fit theirs—to make things easier for them—or treat me like some kind of servant or tool. People have tried that with me before, and it was horrible. I just want a peaceful life. I want a calm existence where I can be who I truly am.

I’m scared to take a risk with this girl. I’m really afraid. So many people have tried to change me before. I don’t want to alter my habits or give up my solitude. I just want to be left in peace. I feel like I’ve suffered too much, and I’m fed up. I also feel like this girl has reached a breaking point too—that she might have once been very rigid with people like me, but now she’s trying to open up because she’s had enough of that way of being.

As for me, I feel like I’m trying to open up to a girl—with everything I have—while also being precise in how I go about it. I don’t want to lose myself or make her lose herself either. I want to get it right. I’m tired of being alone, of not having a partner. I say it honestly and without shame: I need to be accepted as I am. But I don’t want submission—I want mutual support. I don’t want to be a burden to her.

I don’t know. But I get the feeling we’re all going through this. I feel like her family and mine—and both of us—are all slowly adapting to the idea that we’re different, but we want to be together. We feel like we’re on the right path. We want to be accepted, yes—but not at the cost of losing who we are. We want to support each other while staying ourselves. I think everyone deserves that, friends. We all deserve something that lets us be ourselves in peace—something that helps us grow, something that inspires us to develop the parts the other is missing, to complement each other. Maybe I’m rambling, but I think it makes sense.

I believe—and I don’t know why I’m saying this so directly—but I think that in this family (yes, I’m including myself now), we all want peace and calm. To coexist with what’s different from us, and to have that difference also want to coexist with us. No more fighting, no more closed-mindedness. That’s what we want. And honestly, it’s what’s always drawn us to each other. Why keep denying it? Saying it’s “wrong” just makes you feel like you’re the one who’s wrong. I think in that very difference is where we fit. And we just need to learn how to handle this. Expression—venting—is the key that opens the door.

Also, friends, I want a relationship where—please, God—we can be together, grow together, and talk openly with others about that growth. A relationship that lets us develop ideas, share them with confidence and ease. I’m tired—we’re all tired—of being stuck in situations only we can understand. We want something normal, something that helps us move through society, stay connected, feel supported, and not be cut off by the world’s rejection. Maybe we share common experiences, but now is the time to leave them behind. We’ve had enough. I truly think this experience is good for all of us. It’s a breath of fresh air.

I feel like this girl and I want to be together—and that we deserve to be. Look, there was only one time we sat together and couldn’t talk, didn’t know what to say. We felt distant, and it was awful—unbearable. That can’t happen again. We deserve better. We’re ready to be in a space that supports us, stays close, and wants to understand us as we are. We understand our parents’ needs, but we can’t carry them anymore. It’s too much.

We’ve been carrying far too much for far too long. It’s time for a new beginning—with new people who inspire us to be ourselves. To feel welcomed, and supported, both by ourselves and by others. No more fading into someone else. Enough of that. I have to say it: I feel like this girl and I love each other. And I think both our families are finally ready—and willing—to understand that. Why keep fighting about relationships? No more.

We all just want a peaceful life. Let those who need to walk away do so. It’s time to feel safe—and welcomed. Honestly, I think we’re all going through the same thing. I think her family, her mother, my father, and I—we all feel like the world around us isn’t made for us. I believe this new union is meant to happen.

And wish it'd been an actual bicycle instead. I'm a bisexual man living in an authoritarian homophobic country. A few years ago I experienced a heart-shattering breakup, as my only soulmate and only physical relationship I've had (a girl) left me over something stupid I did (got expelled from university and hid it from her; it was more the broken trust aspect of it to her than anything). I hadn't been a very happy man before that either. All my life I've felt isolated and alienated, being bisexual, overly sensitive, overweight, nerdy, introverted, and teetotal. I grew a thick shell around me to silence my inner child/core being and reduce the sensitiveness, and it worked. But it turned out that love brings it all back out, the good and the bad.

My soulmate was the only person I've ever felt a deep connection to, who felt like someone who really understood me or at least parts of me better than anyone could. With her gone, and most of my immediate family dead to cancer, Alzheimer's, heart attacks and whatnot, I was at a complete loss. I retreated back into my shell, and it was all extinguished again, the good and the bad. My capacity for tender, genuine love - which she'd been surprised greatly by, only knowing me as the sarcastic jester - and my oversensitivity, which sometimes caused me to read too much into some poorly communicated words or actions. I was in great pain for a few months and slept a lot, until the death throes ceased, and I went back to this bland apathetic existence of a dead inside sarcastic cynic.

Until a few days ago, when it felt like some kind of other person took control of my body. I'd been noticing it for a while, the ever-increasing buildup inside of me towards homosexual attraction. While normally I was more interested in women, I'd been noticing more and more attraction to men these last years. It lasted longer than usual and felt much stronger. And finally, something within broke and gave in to the urges. I found the two biggest underground resources for gay dating that still remained in my country and posted a profile there. I knew it was stupid, with every ounce of my rationality remaining, but I couldn't help but watch from the sidelines as the other me was overtaken by the fantasy of someone replying to my profile, and me getting to kiss a boy for the first time in my life...

But of course, nothing happened. I know, I know, it's even dumber to expect results in just a few days. However, there are a few things you can't escape from. A few people left comments like "well damn" and "pfft, good luck with that". I also met a guy online who is, unlike me, young and thin and feminine, and using those same resources, he struggled to find love for years, because apparently most people just want an ONS or FWB. If he didn't have a chance, what could I possibly hope for? Look at them, so young and pretty, most of them attracted to each other. Even if some of them want genuine love, what do I bring to the table? An unemployed overweight loser with a crappy apartment, approaching 30. I felt creepy, and sick, and like an abomination. Who cares that you want to kiss a boy and hold him forever and tell him how precious and sweet he is. Who do you think you are to deserve that?

I spent the entirety of yesterday in feverish, sleepy anxiety, so reminiscent of the worst days of my depression, and eventually went to sleep early and slept for 12 hours. I felt better the next day, sleep does help, but some fear, anxiety, and disgust was still there. People who hear my story always tell me how strong I am that I carry on despite everything. Bullshit. I've never felt strong. I just have extreme thanatophobia and anhedonia, not to mention being teetotal, so it looks like I'm strong from the outside. Still alive, and not drunk in a ditch, what more could you ask for. So don't worry, dear reader. I'm not gonna go and off myself after this - Death does not deserve such a gift, and never has, especially after all it's taken from me. But I do feel a part of myself dying again. Love and desire and the desperate scream of a child who didn't get to grow up properly and who's more touch starved than a pharaoh's mummy slowly evaporating and drowning out. Come tomorrow, I will be a functioning adult again. A husk of a man in reality.

Despite this, I will continue to do what I can to improve myself, of course. I will try to shut up my anxiety attacks, clean up the most used areas of my apartment to the best of my ability, and even eat less and go at it on my newly bought exercise bike - a poor man's Ozempic called willpower, that I'd always been sorely lacking, but anhedonia makes it much easier. Maybe, just maybe, years later, when I'm yet older, I'll have a chance to try again. Maybe I'll have a better body and financial situation. I don't know if I'll want to try. I'm so fucking scared to end up like Stephen Fry and start dating again when I'm already 57 or something. And I feel sick to the bone at the cruelty of this world, for putting me in a body full of desires that can't be fulfilled and fears that can't be avoided. Whatever. Life is unfair. Come nightfall, and take it all away. Shed a tear for me, dear reader - mine have dried up a long time ago.

MY STUPID "FRIEND" IS DEATH STARING ME. HE'S BEEN DEATH STARING ME ALL DAY. IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT HE WON'T TALK TO ME HE ALSO HAS TO LOOK AT ME LIKE I KILLED HIS DOG OR SOMETHING. WHAT DID I DO. WHY IS HE DEATH STARING ME.

honestly, idk how i even got here. i remember bein little and my parents tellin everyone how great i was gonna be, how i was the future star, how i was totally gonna make it big and get a scholarship for sports. they always said it so proud, u kno? like they just KNEW i was gonna be somebody special. i used to believe em too, cuz like why wouldn't i? theyre my parents, right? they always seemed to know everythin. but now im 17, bout to finish highschool and the truth is i aint good enough. like i tried, i swear i tried so hard, practice every single day, pushin myself, stayin late after practice when everyone else left, but i never got faster, never got stronger, never became the athlete everyone thought id become. now the letters from colleges never came. the scouts stopped comin to the games. and its like i let everyone down so hard that i cant even look em in the eye anymore.

my parents are straight up mean now. its like since they realized im not gonna get that scholarship, im worthless. they barely talk to me anymore, unless its to yell at me or remind me how much time and money they "wasted" on me. i mean, i kno they did sacrifice a lot, im not stupid, i kno that equipment and travel and camps cost money and they spent so much on me, but like… idk man, was that the only reason they cared? did they just want some kinda trophy kid they could brag about to their friends? cuz now its like theyre ashamed of me or sumthin. dinner at our house is silent. if i try talkin, they either ignore me or give me short answers. my dad used to come to every game, now he acts like its a burden to even look at me. my mom cries sometimes but not like she sad for me, more like shes embarrassed of me. its like im not their kid anymore, just some failure that lives under their roof.

the worst part is that i actually started believin them. like when they first started sayin stuff like how im lazy or not tryin hard enough, i fought back, i argued, told em i was doin my best. but now im thinkin maybe theyre right. maybe i didnt push myself as hard as i couldve. maybe if id stayed longer, ran faster, lifted more weights, maybe id actually be worth somethin. the coaches stopped givin me special attention cuz i wasnt improvin like other guys on the team. my teammates still cool to me, but i feel like they pity me or sumthin, like im the guy who almost made it but didnt. i feel like everyone looks at me differently now. im not that guy everyone cheered for, im the guy they feel sorry for, the guy who couldnt deliver. the guy who let everyone down. honestly, it hurts more than anything else cuz i used to be so confident. i used to walk on the field thinkin i was gonna show everyone how great i was. now, i walk on the field wishin i could just disappear.

every day now feels heavy. like i wake up and dread havin to go downstairs and see the disappointment on my parents faces again. i dread goin to school cuz ppl still ask bout college and scholarships and i gotta keep makin up excuses why i didnt get one yet. some days i just wanna quit everythin and hide in my room forever. my grades slipped too cuz i spent all my time tryna be a better athlete instead of studyin, thinkin sports was gonna carry me. now i dont got good grades, i dont got a scholarship, and i feel stuck. like my whole future just vanished and i got nowhere to go. its scary, man. i had it all planned out. everyone else had it planned out for me too. now im just floatin around wonderin what im supposed to do next.

i kno ppl say life aint over at 17, that theres more out there, more opportunities or whatever. but its hard to believe that right now. its hard to feel hopeful when ur own parents look at u like ur their biggest mistake. i never wanted to disappoint anyone, especially not them. they always told me sports was gonna be my ticket to a better life. now i got no ticket, just a bunch of broken dreams. i wanna believe it gets better, i wanna believe someday theyll forgive me for not bein who they wanted me to be, and that ill forgive myself for not bein who i thought id become. but right now, i just feel like a total failure. i guess all i can do is hope someday i stop feelin this way, cuz honestly it sucks, and i wish i knew how to fix it.

My best friend recently just changed out of nowhere and now I think she hates me. I asked her if she was fine when we were walking to class and she just snapped at me. And once I asked her to be in a group with us for a project with some other friends and she said yes so I was surprised that she wasn’t going with her other good friend and she was like “do you not want me in your group?” Am I js overthinking or does she not wanna be friends anymore?

I never thought I'd be someone who would complain about havin too much support from her parents. Honestly, most people would probably envy my situation, havin grandparents so involved and present. But lately, I swear it feels like they're takin over my house and my life. My husband and I just had our first baby—a beautiful little girl—and we thought havin my parents around would be the biggest blessing. But now, I find myself constantly frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed. My parents have always been loving, but now they've turned into helicopter grandparents, hovering over every little thing we do. From how we hold our baby to the way we wash bottles, every single decision seems to need their approval. At first, I thought it was sweet, them wanting to help and be involved, but it quickly became clear that it's way too much. Like, seriously, do they really need to rearrange my kitchen cabinets because "it makes more sense" their way? Or constantly tell us we're dressing our daughter wrong, feeding her too often, or not enough? I mean, don't get me wrong—I appreciate that they're here for us, but it’s starting to feel like they're forgetting this is our child, our house, and our life.

The biggest issue, though, is that they're always popping over unannounced. I'll be sittin on the couch, exhausted after finally getting my baby down for a nap, and suddenly I hear the front door open and my parents stroll in like they own the place. No call, no text, nothing. They just assume that because we're family, boundaries don't exist. My husband tries to be patient, bless his heart, but I can see it wearing on him, too. The other day, they walked right into our bedroom to "check on the baby," completely ignoring that we were both still asleep. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and honestly disrespectful, even though I know they mean well. Every time I try to gently bring it up, my mom acts hurt, like I'm rejecting her help or saying she's a bad grandmother. My dad just gets defensive, claiming they're only trying to make things easier on us. But how can I tell them that they're actually making things so much harder? I don't wanna hurt their feelings—I love them dearly—but I'm an adult now, and I deserve to have my own space, my own rules, and my own way of doing things.

Setting boundaries with my parents feels harder than I ever imagined. I always pictured us being a big happy family, but this constant invasion of our privacy is straining everything. So how do you even start setting boundaries with parents who don't think they need them? I've realized it's gotta be about clear communication. I know it sounds obvious, but it's honestly terrifying to think of sitting them down and saying, "Look, we need some space." But I also know that if I don't speak up, it's never gonna get better. So, I'm planning to have an honest conversation soon—just me, my husband, and my parents. I need them to understand it's not about rejecting their love or pushing them away, it's about respecting the fact that we're our own little family unit now, with our own routines and preferences. I have to find a gentle way to say that while their intentions are great, their actions sometimes cross the line. Maybe I can suggest specific times they can come over, or ask them to call before they visit. Maybe setting certain tasks aside specifically for them, like babysitting once a week or family dinners every Sunday, will help them feel involved without overstepping. It's not gonna be easy, and I fully expect some hurt feelings and awkwardness at first. But setting boundaries isn't about hurting relationships—it's about protecting them. I believe my parents love us enough to eventually understand, even if it's painful at first. All I know is, if I don't start setting these boundaries now, I might end up resenting the people I love most—and that's something I refuse to let happen.

Growing up, I never really knew there was a name for what my parents were. I just knew that somethin was off. Other kids talked about their moms and dads like they were these safe places, comfort zones, u kno? Mine weren’t. My parents were more like actors on a stage, and I was the audience they needed applause from constantly. Everything revolved around them—their feelings, their needs, their dreams. If they had a bad day, it was my fault. If they fought, somehow that landed on me too. I learned early to keep quiet, to keep my own feelings hidden, cause whenever I tried to express them, I got shut down quick. It was always, “How could u say that after everything we’ve done for u?” Or my personal favorite, “You’re so selfish.” For a long time, I actually believed that. I thought that maybe I really was selfish for wanting my own feelings to matter. And it’s taken years, and a whole lotta therapy to finally realize that wanting to be heard doesn’t make me selfish—it makes me human.

It’s funny tho, lookin back, cause when I was little I just assumed every house was like mine. That every kid walked on eggshells tryin not to upset their parents. I thought every mom was dramatic and cried easily, making you feel guilty for even existin. I thought every dad was overly critical, pickin apart every mistake, remindin you constantly how lucky you were that he even bothered to feed and clothe you. It wasn’t till I started spendin more time at my friends’ houses that I realized something was seriously messed up at mine. Their parents listened to them. Like really listened. When my friends spoke, their parents didn’t just wait for their turn to talk—they actually heard them. And when they messed up, they got hugged, comforted, reassured. Not shamed or belittled. The more I saw that, the more confused and honestly jealous I became. I wondered what it felt like to grow up without fear, without that constant anxiety in your gut tellin u that ur feelings weren’t important, that ur only job was to make sure your parents were happy, even if it meant hiding who you really were.

As I got older, it didn’t get easier. In some ways it got harder. Teen years are supposed to be when you figure out who u are, but that was nearly impossible in a house ruled by narcissists. Any attempt at independence was treated like a personal betrayal. My mom would cry, sayin I didn’t love her anymore. My dad would get cold and distant, like I’d deeply offended him just by having an opinion of my own. I learned to live a double life—one version for home, the other for school and friends. But the exhaustion of it was brutal. I felt like an actor too, just like them, pretendin to be okay, pretendin everything was fine. Even when I left home and went to college, the damage was already done. I struggled to form healthy relationships. I kept waitin for friends or boyfriends to turn on me, to blame me for things, to tell me my feelings weren’t valid. And sometimes they did, cause I guess I subconsciously chose people who were familiar—people who acted like my parents. Breaking that cycle felt almost impossible. I kept wonderin if maybe my parents were right, maybe I really was just impossible to love or deeply flawed somehow.

But here’s the thing: eventually, I found people who showed me different. I found therapy. I found books and podcasts that made me realize I wasn’t alone, that being raised by narcissists wasn’t my fault, and most importantly, that it didn’t have to define me forever. Slowly, I started settin boundaries. Slowly, I learned to say no without feelin guilty. Slowly, I started believin that my feelings mattered just as much as anyone else’s. It's still hard sometimes. There’s still days when the old voices creep back in, tellin me I’m not good enough or that I’m selfish for thinkin of myself. But now I kno those voices are lies. Now I kno my worth isn’t defined by anyone else's approval, especially not theirs. I won’t pretend it’s been easy—cause it hasn’t. Healing from parents like mine is messy, complicated, and takes longer than anyone wants to admit. But it’s possible. It’s happening. And every day I feel a lil bit more free. I might’ve been raised by narcissists, but I don’t have to live the rest of my life under their shadow. I’m finally learnin to step into the light—my own light. And damn, it feels good.

I'm tired of not being recognized. Nobody pays attention to me nor acknowledges my existence properly.

I tried other sites to vent, but nobody responded or even let me speak. It feels like there’s nothing special about me anymore. I don’t feel unique, and I need someone to make me feel alive, to make me feel like I’m worth something.

It became overwhelming, and I started to feel a profound sense of desperation, crying uncontrollably. I want someone to acknowledge me, but there are no people, no topics to talk about, and nothing about me that seems interesting.

I almost gave into SH again after months of not doing it; but with all my will, I made it into cold water before that happened. It wasn't even enough... Well, whatever. I'm now here

I guess it’s just me and my past regrets. I’ve come to realize that most people either act like it never happened or talk to someone else to share their sorrow, and somehow that works for them. So, I'm probably just another idiot.

so I'm in uni and there's this one guy who's annoying. and when I say annoying he is extremely annoying. very confident in himself, socialises quite well with everyone ( in a way where they all joke about him not doing work and he claims he does work - he does the work, mostly, he knows what's happening and is just lazy I believe-- a lot of the people go to him to ask him if their answers are right --he gets the answers from previous year students)

I, as a shy person, hardly speak to him or even look at him. I'm there, quitely getting my work and struggling on my own. I wonder if he even knows my name. another reason why I don't speak to him is that I've been in groups with him before and it wasn't very pleasant - ego, and all stuff I can't find the words for right now

point is- he was presenting with his group the other day, and I was observing how he was making faces at this girl in his group who kinda messed up the introduction of the presentation. I was like she's nervous, it's not that deep, why is he getting so annoyed. I ended up making eye contact with him and I looked away cuz now why not ( the type to think all girls like him and if you constantly make eye contact it means the same)

when I was presenting, a girl next to me volunteered to answer the lecturers question and he was looking in our direction with weird curiousity and smile/smirk idk on his. then I realised oh maybe it's cuz they volunteered to answer and save the group or he thinks they nerdy idk. later, the same girl next to me told me that when we both presented our parts, he listened and constantly nodded in agreement to our points , and for the others , he had his earphones on and was glued to his phone. I was like okay well it doesn't have to mean anything

few days later, when the same girl and I were walking to the lecture room, he was sitting on the side and I saw him literally following us (with eyes) as we walked. the girl and I are like whatt even.

a day later, we had to work together again amongst others, and other groups were discussing and working together, but mine was just quiet. so I was like looking around to see ..guys are we gonna work together or what. and I looked at him . eye contact. and the actual point here is . his eyes says something, shows some sense of emotion but what's working on me is that I cant figure out what the eyes are showing.it feels like there's so much being spoken in those seconds. like hes thinking so much and what is actually going through his head? what is he thinking? is he looking at me with disgust? superiority? it doesn't look like it. it looks something soft. or mocking sometimes? in the sense that he is well confident in himself, life sorted, socialises. firstly, I'm shy and he hardly even heard my voice or saw me, so what I'm questioning is that why are his eyes like that 😭. and why am I overthinking all this. and I'm not into all this liking and having a crush and all so please don't jump to these thoughts😭 it's just really irritating not knowing what's he thinking and also irritating to want to know what he's thinking.

really sorry for such a long story, don't know how to summarise. I need a solution. I can't keep feeling shy with people first of all. and why must I feel weak and break the eye contact and feel weird about what he's saying with his eyes.

I don't know.

For years I've always been... "different"

The tallest girl in class, the biggest girl in the room, the darkest girl in school, the girl with the deepest voice, the girl with a fiery temper, etc. Ive never found myself fitting into one mould or having someone that I can totally relate to. Even now I find myself lost as the only person in my circle of friends that does not want to uptake medicine or STEM subjects in general. It's always me... I feel like I'm cursed to always be the "odd one out" I feel inferior to others. Like as if I don't matter or I'll never be good enough because I'm not like "them". I'm not pretty, I'm not as smart, not as ambitious or studious, not as gifted. I'm just me but here's the case... what do I even have to offer to the table? Who am I even? What am I? What was I made for... what was I made to do. What does my future even look like... All these questions and yet I'm met with no answer. Just doubts piling on my brain like a bunch of incomplete assignments. Am I even worth it as a person?

idk wht category to choose for this

I don’t want to need people. I don’t want to want people. I don’t want to care about people. Like these couple of months (and can even say years) ive have really tried looking for someone , someone really close to like a best friend if someone would say. I feel like that’s what made me really sad like in movies it’s always ‘I will always have that one person’ like bro why can’t it be more idolized that people don’t have anyone, they have themselves ABD are still happy. I’m not tryna be depressed on this whole ‘self-isolation’ thing but it’s really not guaranteed that you’d ever find someone. Like I want to learn about be COMPLETELY happy alone. Like genuinely have tried making friends but NO everyone has their person. This doesn’t help that the shows I grew up with always revolve around friends and ‘best friends’ . And ik all that stuff about ‘humans are social creatures’ shut up .

Just trying to find someone leads me to disappointment and it just hurts tryna find my person. Wish I have the mentality of not needing anyone this week did somehow start like that. But a fight happened in school and I just taught of how nice it would have been to have friends to talk about it. Like so a lot of my plans have actually tried to make me cope with this by tryna find someone that also relates to my situation. But idek

Well I think that’s it?

Hopefully no one’s gonna be like ‘don’t worry you will find your person’ ‘it will be worth the wait when you get them’ ‘it’s hard having no friends’

I've been married for 20 years with no children. Due to medical error, my wife was incapacitated, and I became 24/7 home carer for 9 years. In recent years, we've seen significant improvement in mobility and function, but due to brain damage, my wife will never recover her memories or her personality. Our relationship unsurprisingly is now more like close siblings or housemates, not a spouse and lover. From being best friends, we now find ourselves having different views, preferences, and even desires. Because of Christian faith, we won't get divorced, and so my wife suggested I discretely find what is missing elsewhere.

I'm not looking for random one-time hookups or to be a sugar daddy. But I do crave the emotional connection, flirting, and excitement missing from my life. I just don't know how best to find a woman who seeks the same. I'm looking for my new best friend, initially online, until we know each fully. Then if if it's meant to be, naturally in person with a view to being each others FWB?

(what? these letters to myself actually really help. You should try it.)

Hey me,

I see you in homeroom, blasting Letdown through your earbuds. I'm doing the same thing. Marching Band yesterday was crazy, wasn't it? Last year's Spring Trainings weren't that fun! I don't remember playing Sharks and Minnows and Red Light Green Light last year, do you?

Anyway. I know seeing Skyler again hurt. I still don't know why he stopped talking to you. He's a bit of an asshole, you know? But at least you have Kiara, and your cousin, and sometimes Kris. Maybe, eventually, even Greysi or Lillian. And Lauren seems to like you decently. You don't need Skyler, do you?

I know you really liked him. But you're over him now, aren't you? I know I am.

And you can have just as much fun at the Marhing Band car wash without him. I know, being friends with him made it more fun, but you don't need a boy like him to have fun. You'll make new friends. And like I said, you have Kiara.

I know he hurt you really bad when he started ignoring you. I get it. Things like that hurt. And now, it just adds to what your school "friends" have been doing to you. But trust me, you don't need him. And things like that never last forever. My guess is that he was friends with you while he liked you, and when he stopped liking you, he didn't see any point in being your friend anymore. Boys have weird logic like that. I swear I will never understand them.

I know things seem bad right now, because soon you're gonna have to see him two to three times every week, but you'll get over him completely. I promise. We're gonna get through this. We're stronger than you think we are. Heck, we're probably stronger than I think we are.

You got this,

You.