Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 61

I've told everyone otherwise for too long. And when they start to notice, and I say I don't need help despite clearly needing it, they get mad at me.

I've been dying to write a singer-songwriter style song for a LONG time now

so here we go

I only have a chorus

here it is:

you say, you say,

"Everything's gonna be

okay okay"

Like you've done this before

But you ain't done this before

So don't say, don't say,

Cause nothing will be

okay, okay

Cause you ain't done this before

And I ain't done this before

And I also want there to be a part that goes:

And now I long to see

What do you still see in me?

But I'm struggling with the verses

so If I get something good I'll post it here bc my IRL friends are tried of hearing me yap abt my songs-

All weekend long I was playing with my cousin's little ones. Their energy kind of energized me and I actually feel ready to face the world today. Playing with the kids, who are 2 and 4, let me be a little kid again and that felt great. They left to go back home this morning, but those little nuggets will always be in my heart <3. I'm not gonna let others get me down today, I'm actually in a really good mood. The depression that clouded my mind for so long is thinning out, and the sun in showing through the clouds. I think I'll be alright.

the Mayor is a busy and hardworking man on my street who has taken it upon himself to police us little people from his house on the hill.

I used to be really good friends with his daughter. growing up we were always together, I was over their house a lot like she was over mine so I'm not really sure what made him lose his mind.. perhaps he got old. maybe he was always crazy and was born with it.. I remember hearing about his brother who lost his mind MANY years back, apparently his brother beat a few men senseless.. all went to the hospital except for one... then he went to jail.

I remember all the times the people littering would drive him crazy. all the times he got in his car and followed people to their homes to throw the garbage they dropped into their car windows or on their lawns, how he made large colorful signs and found ways to zip tie garbage cans to the stop signs and telephone poles on the corners.

I remember hearing about his daughter... from his daughter, my friend, and I was so confused. I thought she was talking about herself in third person until I realized she had a sister much older than her that went to the same school as I did and who ran away from home because her parents were way too crazy. she said that her room was originally a different room but as soon as her sister left, climbing through the window and out onto the deck, they redid the room and moved her in there, putting big things like trees and a gazebo to block the windows. she said from that point on her parents were different, they hovered and lingered more, they pulled her out of school and enrolled her in expensive private school, blaming the public school for not only her sister's disobedience but probably the sister's gayness as well. I remember her parents installing cameras around the inside of their house as well as secretly having spyware in the TV's, phones and computers to record times, conversations, passwords.... she found out because we shared account information for a game that we were playing together so sometimes I would go on her character to collect things for her or level her up, vice versa. she said that whenever one of her friends would comment about a sign on at a weird time for her she would just assume it was me... until she signed on my account to help me out by collecting when I got punished for something I didn't do or deserve. she had never signed on my account before so she thought everything was ok.... then her mom, the same lady who would slap her openly in a store or yell and embarrass her in front of classmates and friends, asked her if she had anything to say for herself.. anything she was hiding or lying about. of course she was confused, she had no idea what was happening and her mother probably didn't explain anything either. she ended up grounded and started to ask to use my phone and computer more often, even when we were over her house. She admitted to me that she was using my stuff to talk to some guy she had a crush on and that she hid the number of an unapproved guy in the hole in her wall she got from kicking a soccer ball in the house. when her dad found out the whole only got bigger, he called that kid countless times over a week threatening him and then made a deal with her that if he would answer her call and talk to them they would allow her to see him again but of course he never answered the phone. gradually we stopped hanging out with all the activities they had her doing but at some point I had graduated from school and she was going to too. They were going to throw this huge party for her and invite their friends and family but days before he flipped out on my family about our fence.

At the time, before we even knew about plans for a party.. it was Spring and we had wanted to replace the rotted out pieces of fence before the dogs got out. We weren't going to ask for money but since it was originally his fence that he put and we shared that one side, we figured it would be safe just to let them know. From what I heard it went well, the mayor had said he wanted to fix it but with him being a really good handyman and master carpenter his back was shot, he asked for some time, again no worries we weren't asking him to fix it or anything. we actually needed more time to decide on the fence since we were going to go for the full perimeter fence and not just at one side or section. he said nothing about a party and nothing about not having money, we weren't even asking for money.

weeks went by and with no word from him we decided to go ahead and order the fence. it took days to be delivered and once it was delivered it look another few days to put it up ourselves. they didn't offer help or money, we didn't ask. we did it fast like that not only for our dogs but also not to really inconvenience anyone. just as we finished the fence and planting some of the plants and flowers we got it had started raining hard so we went inside. apparently this bothered the mayor. it rained the rest of the day... let's say it was a Sunday with work the next day, obviously no one came out for the rest of the night to do anything with the fence. the next day, Monday all day people would be working.. at least on our side. the mayor can't work long with his back apparently.

we came back home to the mayor's wife waiting for us. she nicely but very awkwardly said that we should finish the fence because they were going to be having a party Friday. we apologized for the inconvenience and finished the fence, planting some more before it got dark and rained again. the same thing happened, the mayor was unhappy thinking we left garbage for him to clean or didn't care much about his property even though it was raining. Tuesday it rained so the progress was halted but Wednesday we went back after work to fix a panel of the fence, we were even nice enough to plant some flowers on their side of the fence, put some dirt and fertilizer with grass seed down too ..yeah it wouldn't grow until later but it was something right? we were happy with the job on both sides and sealed the fence again, officially done with the fence. no one said anything, no one gave money... the next day Wednesday or Thursday he went out there and ripped all the flowers we planted on his side out, he moved all the dirt away and blew the seeds away. we didn't say anything to them about it. they got ready for their party on Friday and partied all weekend long... some time during the next week he typed out an anonymous note with all of our transgressions from living next to them and put it in our mailbox. we knew it was him right away and when we asked him about it he played dumb and then him and my stepdad had a screaming match outside. for the next few days he would randomly walk out on his deck, yell out of his house windows or from his porch "YOU'RE MAKING ME FIGHT WITH MY FAMILY" and play loud music in his house and in his yard and cars. he would prank call the police like if we were doing it and set off his car alarms and put car alarms at all hours too. to this day he's never apologized, his wife never apologized or said anything about his behavior, same like his daughter. I thought at the very least she would say something but no. he's dead to us, they all are.. but his behavior has only gotten worse. he's nitpicked other neighbors and sent them letters and had screaming matches in the front yard.. to the point where he messed with a Mexican and you had ALLLLL the Spanish from the area on our block and in his yard at 3am shirtless, chasing him around screaming... even the Spanish women were out there cursing them while holding their kids.

idk whats wrong with me lately but its like everythin just feels heavy?? like i wake up n my chest is tight nd i dont wanna get outta bed. i just stare at the ceiling n think bout nothin but also everything at once. i used to wake up n feel kinda excited for the day but now its like...idk. empty i guess? my alarm goes off nd i feel this dread inside me like "oh great, here we go again". and i know i shouldnt feel this way cuz like nothin bad rlly happened but still its like my bodys fightin against me or sumthin.

when i go out with friends now, im not even rlly there. i try to laugh and joke but its like im watchin myself from the outside. like im pretendin to have fun when inside i just wanna go home n crawl under my blankets. and sometimes they notice n ask me whats wrong but i dont even know what to say?? cuz if i say "idk i just feel bad" they look at me weird n i feel stupid. so instead i say "im fine just tired" or sumthin but deep down i kno they kno its more than that. nd then i feel worse cuz im lyin to ppl i love but what else am i sposed to do? tell them my brain feels broken??

school feels impossible rn too. i sit in class n all the words the teacher says jus float past me like i cant grab onto em. my grades r slippin nd i kno it but its like i cant even care enough to fix it. ill sit at my desk to study n end up starin at the wall for hours. like time jus stops or sumthin. and then i get rlly mad at myself cuz i kno i should be better but i cant seem to make myself move. i just feel stuck. like theres glue holdin me in place n the harder i try to move the more stuck i get.

my mom tried to talk to me bout it yesterday. she noticed i was bein quiet nd stuff at dinner n asked me if sumthin was wrong. i wanted to tell her everything, how i feel lost nd sad nd tired all the time. but instead i just shrugged n said "nah im fine mom". she gave me that look she always does when she knows im lyin but she didnt push it. i think she wants me to talk but idk how to even start. what if she thinks im bein dramatic? what if she thinks its just some teenage thing n not real? cuz it feels pretty real to me.

idk what im sposed to do anymore. i jus kno that i dont feel good, not at all. like somethings missing from inside me n i cant find it. i jus want to feel normal again. not even happy, just normal. but rn that feels impossible, like im trapped in this fog that wont go away. i jus wanna wake up n breathe easy again, feel the sun without wishin i could stay in bed forever. i jus wanna be me again, but i dunno how to find her.

Am I the asshole for buying everyone ice cream?

my family seems to think I am.

my grandma's birthday is in a few days but she's been sick and bummed out, not to mention I'm working a lot and my mom has been bothering me about cleaning my room... so I gave my grandma her presents early. which she loved but I suppose it was my fault because this is where this issue starts...

my grandma didn't feel great and wanted me to take her to the store, I went and while she was shopping I got gas. she gave me $10 towards it which was nice. I would tell her to keep it but for people that understand out there ...doing that is more trouble than it's worth. normally I would sneak it back into her purse or a coat pocket so it's a surprise when she finds money around but she wanted to get ice cream so I decided to use some coupons and order it ahead since she wasn't feeling well. however you want to think of it.... I used the $10 either towards my gas or towards her gigantic sundae, I wasn't going to ask for any more money.

I decided to buy my mom and stepdad a little ice cream too, I know what they like... but when I got home they didn't say thank you. my mother called me fat and uncontrollable, especially noticing that their 2 sundaes were a medium instead of a large like mine and my grandma's. my stepdad said he didn't need it and when the time came later for a snack they openly grabbed chips. they do this often so I'm bothered by it but probably not as much as another person would be or I should be.

meanwhile... everyone had gotten a different ice cream. I could tell which one was which by size and toppings. my grandma had her ice cream in her freezer, before she went to bed (8pm) she said she didn't feel good and wasn't eating it tonight, not a problem. I left and around 9 when I went for my ice cream, eating past the toppings I chose for myself I noticed the ice cream place messed up, that ice cream wasn't my ice cream.. I assumed it was switched with my grandma's or they just gave me ice cream with nuts which I do not eat so I put the ice cream back in the freezer to figure out tomorrow when I got up and my grandma was awake so I could dig through her toppings to see if that was actually 'her ice cream' under there and if it really was a mistake then I would just scoop my ice cream out and switch.

I went to sleep. The next morning I got up and asked if she had eaten the ice cream, how she was feeling, etc..

"oh I was so sick last night. I got up in the middle of the night and had 'a little' ice cream blah blah.. why?"

"a little? oh ok good. I was wondering because I was trying to eat mine and when I got past my toppings on the one side I could see that wasn't my ice cream. I ordered everyone butter pecan with extra nuts.. I guess the girl was confused because I got butter pecan but with all my toppings on top"

"but you don't like nuts"

"yea I know. at first I thought maybe she mixed our ice cream up and I was going to check to see if you got my Oreo but since you had 'a little' how was it?"

"don't get me ice cream anymore"

?

"it tasted funny"

??? *walking to the freezer, prepared to get her ice cream to check but stops*

"it was probably my taste buds since I'm sick. yea, I ate the whole thing"

"... I thought you said you had 'a little'?"

"no I ate the whole thing"

"even though 'it tasted funny'?"

"well that was just my taste buds. I pushed through it"

"well.... I ...okaaay.. so.... what color was the ice cream?"

"it was ice cream"

"yes. what color? black? white? gray?"

"yea it was like black"

"that was my ice cream"

"you gave it to me!"

"yea because I thought it was yours. your toppings were on top. we both had different toppings so..."

"ok well then give me my ice cream"

...?

"the ice cream you still have. you didn't eat it right? the yellow butter pecan.. that was mine so give it to me."

"it has all my toppings on it.. you won't like that.."

"I'll pay you for it"

"no no it's ok"

I didn't take her money. I took off my toppings as best I could and gave her the ice cream. she complained to my mother about something because a while later my mother says something like "I can't believe you took her money, it's ice cream! her birthday is next week that could have been her present"

I didn't say anything and idk what was said by who but.... I got my grandmother at least $50 of stuff. sure she gave me $10 'for gas' but I'm paying for her Netflix and with her $10 Starbucks and the $12 ice cream for her... and that's just TODAY. I get people things all the time. PLUS I buy my mother's birthday cake and my grandma's cake every year....

I ignored what my mother and stepdad said again. I asked my grandma how the ice cream was, if it was better than the previous one. she said "it was ok. I still can't taste right but I know that there was no basically no toppings on it and the few things that were there weren't even what I liked. (name) you have to remember I like nuts. lots and lots of nuts, and caramel. this didn't have that"

"yea ..all the nuts and the caramel were on the first one you ate. this one I took the toppings off because I knew you wouldn't like it"

"yeaaa... that first one tasted funny. just don't get me ice cream anymore"

my mother walked by in that moment, overhearing, and decided to tell me that no one needed or wanted ice cream, and I should be more thoughtful since some people are lactose intolerant. my grandma and stepdad basically agreed saying they didn't ask for any of that.

so I guess I'm just some wicked witch pushing my evil lactose on people, talking about my topping agenda.

I’m so fucking done with ppl who don’t know my tell me to die die die all the fucking time I accidentally posted a vid of a few marks and now getting judgement for it I don’t know if there right maybe I should just die but I don’t want to go to this stage again of feeling low and self harm and being suicidal I literally js got a text from her now saying to kill myself like what am I ment to say to that ohh Yh sure like what the fuck I’m so stuck and I have school starting on Tuesday and I’m literally so scared to go back idk what there gonna do and my anxiety is so crazy I’m having panic attack and anxiety attacks all the time now

I remember when things were different between us. I remember the warmth in your eyes when you looked at me, how your voice would soften when you said my name, how your touch made me feel cherished. I used to believe with my whole heart that you truly cared about me and loved me. Now, I find myself questioning everything.It feels like your love has become conditional - as if I need to perform or give parts of myself away just to receive your attention. I've noticed that you respond when I offer my body, my time, my energy, my resources - but when I need emotional support, you seem to disappear. This pattern has left me feeling like an object rather than a partner. I feel like I must constantly earn your love rather than simply being worthy of it through who I am. The loneliness I feel even when we're together is overwhelming. I walk on eggshells around you, carefully measuring my words and actions, afraid that one wrong move will push you further away. Your love feels like it comes with fine print - conditions and clauses that I never agreed to but must somehow fulfill. Everything I worked so hard to build with us - the trust, the openness, the safety - seems to have vanished without explanation. When I try to express myself to you, it's as if my words evaporate before they reach you. You look at me, but you don't see me. You hear me, but you don't listen. The only time you seem truly engaged is when the conversation centers on things that make you feel good or validated. My pain, my concerns, my needs - these seem to be inconveniences to you rather than valid parts of our relationship that deserve attention.You say "I love you" with such ease, but those words ring hollow when not backed by action. Where is the affection that used to flow so naturally between us? Where are the small gestures that showed me I was on your mind? Where is the desire in your eyes that made me feel wanted? Your words and your actions tell two different stories, and the disconnect between them leaves me disoriented and questioning my own perceptions. Time after time, you claim you want to communicate and work through our issues. "Let's talk about it," you say. "I want us to work this out." But when the moment comes to actually do the hard work of relationship building, you check out. You offer surface-level responses or empty promises that things will improve. We both know the pattern by now - nothing changes. You go through the motions of caring without the substance of it. You create the illusion of effort without actually putting in any real work. Our nights have become a painful reminder of our disconnection. We go to bed with tension hanging in the air, issues unresolved, words unsaid. You turn away and fall asleep as if nothing is wrong, while I stare at the ceiling, replaying conversations and wondering what happened to us. Remember when we couldn't bear to end our days without hearing each other's voices? When falling asleep on the phone together was our ritual because we couldn't stand the separation? Now, days pass where we barely exchange meaningful words because you're always "too busy" for me. Yet somehow, in your supposedly packed schedule, you carve out time for her - the very person who betrayed our privacy by gossiping about our relationship. The same person you looked me in the eyes and promised you would distance yourself from. You hang out with her behind my back, constructing elaborate lies to cover your tracks, even though you know exactly how much this hurts me. It's as if my pain doesn't factor into your decisions at all. What cuts even deeper is how you deliberately bring her up in conversation, watching my reaction as if my discomfort provides some form of entertainment for you. When you casually mentioned that you used to have feelings for her, it was like a knife to my heart. That information serves no purpose except to make me feel insecure and question what's really happening between you two. Did you think about how that would affect me before you said it? Did you care? The contradiction between your words and actions has become impossible to ignore. You tell me I mean everything to you in one breath, and in the next, you treat me as if I'm nothing. You claim I'm a priority while consistently putting me last. You say you value our relationship while actively undermining it. I'm left wondering which version of you is real - the one who makes promises or the one who breaks them. I'm hurting in ways I never thought possible. There's an anger in me that burns alongside the sadness, a profound sense of betrayal that keeps me awake at night. What devastates me most is that you don't seem to notice or care about the pain you're causing. Or worse, perhaps you do notice and simply don't think it matters enough to change your behavior. I still remember how you used to look at me like I was the most precious thing in your world. How you would speak about our future with such certainty and joy. How your actions aligned perfectly with your words, creating a foundation of trust I thought would never break. Now I feel like an afterthought, something you step over or around on your way to what really matters to you. I need to know if what we had is real or if it was just an illusion. I need to understand if there's anything left to salvage or if I should stop pouring my heart into something that no longer exists. Most importantly, I need you to understand that love isn't just a word - it's a choice you make every day through your actions, your attention, and your priorities. Right now, your choices are speaking louder than any words you could say. I'm laying my heart bare because despite everything, I still care enough to fight for us. But I can't and won't fight alone. The question is: are you still in this with me, truly? Or have you already checked out while keeping me hanging on to false hope?

Compared to most of the problems in my life right now, this feels pretty low on the totem pole. But I don’t feel like anyone I’ve talked to about it can understand, and I’m feeling crazy because I’m the problem!?! Okay. So I have this friend. Sorta… let’s start at the beginning. I have a really good friend in my Geology major, let’s call her Glasses. And this good friend met another girl, let’s call her Hammer. Glasses and Hammer became pretty good friends. And from there we formed a little trio of sorts. That’s the short version at least. Hammer then met another girl, let’s call her Miss Perfect. And we would all hang out and we had a good group going. But, miss perfect and I never really clicked. I liked her as a person, but the gears never really aligned or something cause as soon as it was just us two we never had anything to really say. And I’d call her a friend, but definitely not close. That’s the general background. Anyway, I really pride myself on my acedemics. I’ve always been an A student, someone who’s always got the answer, who puts in the work, has a fun idea, understands the concept. You know. Typical geek. But geology’s my passion you know! I’m gonna really try and put my best foot forward. And I’m good at it. I’m a really good geologist… but Miss Perfext, it always felt like she would do better. Or at least people would praise her for being the best. I honesty feel like we are equals. But somehow, she’s always the one to get the praise or the recognition. For some reason, she’s always the better one. And it’s infuriating in a major where there’s only 20 people, cause why can’t I just beat her?!? And there have been times where I have, but they seem to be outweighed with her getting a better score or picked for a team assignment over me or whatever! And it really wasn’t that big of a problem in school. Because we had a different enough schedule where it wasn’t that big of a deal and it wasn’t in every class and I knew at some point I would not be in school with her and it wouldn’t really matter in the long run. I loved my work and that was good enough for me. But now… ok so I graduated last summer, and Hammer and I got a job at the same place. And it’s a good job. Sorta geology related and such so I feel it’s a good stepping stone before grad school and other jobs moving forward. But this summer..: Miss perfect applied and got the job. And I just don’t want to feel like I need to keep competing with her in my work place! Because what if she gets promoted over me?! What if they think she’s so much better than me and I get lumped with the geotechs where no geology is done at all and she’s out with the real geologists doing the real science?! When I’ve been there longer? Im not hoenslty that passionate about this company but it kinda upsets me! Because Hammer and Miss Perfext are closer together that I am with Hammer. So not only will it feel like I need to prove myself when I shouldn’t need to feel that way, I also don’t want to feel like a third wheel! And they’re moving in together! Ugh! So there. And when I ask my boyfriend, he just says, comparison is the thief of joy, which is a real fuck you if you ask me.

I have national exam in about few days and I'm so scared. I really don't know anything and I just keep getting distracted. I'm stressing and hyperventilating but I still can't study and foolishly wasting my time in phone. It feels like the world is gonna end for me. I really wanna give. I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm scared about my parents. I'm so scared that I'd rather give up than face them. I hate it, I hate it so much. I'm so dumb, stupid and idiot.

ALERT: This is probably TW. Don't read this if you think it could in any way negatively affect you.

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

I'm having a breakdown. I hate my fucking body. It's disgusting. My BMI is 18, is very very much. I'm really fat. Ugh, I feel like tearing off all the fucking fat. I'm crying

im so sick of feeling this way all the time. like evry day i wake up n theres this tight feelin in my chest like somethings gonna go wrong. i cant even remember the last time i felt calm or normal, its jus anxious anxious anxious all day long. its not jus anxiety either tho, im angry all the time too. like little things set me off, stuff that shouldnt even matter makes me so mad i could scream. n then i feel guilty for bein angry at ppl who probly dont even kno wat they did. its like theres somethin broken in my head n i cant fix it no matter wat i do.

school used to be alright but now its the worst. i cant concentrate in class, i jus sit there worryin bout stuff i cant control. if the teacher calls on me, i panic, like my mind goes totally blank n i feel like everyones starin at me thinkin im stupid. then when class ends i get angry at myself for not tryin harder, for bein weak, for lettin anxiety win again. i kno i need to calm down but tellin myself that jus makes me even more angry. i jus wanna be normal. i jus wanna not feel like im constantly gonna explode or cry or both at the same time.

my friends r startin to notice too i think. like they ask me whats wrong n i dont even kno wat to tell them. how do u say "im jus anxious n angry all the time for no reason" without soundin crazy?? so instead i jus say "im fine" even tho we all kno im not. n sometimes they say stuff like "just chill" or "u gotta relax" n it makes me mad cuz dont they kno if i could jus chill i would?? they dont get it. nobody gets it. its like im alone even when im wit ppl. n then im mad at myself for bein lonely too, like why cant i jus be grateful i even hav friends who care enough to ask.

i kno i probly need help but i dont even kno where to start. talkin to my parents feels impossible cuz they jus say stuff like "its jus a phase" or "stop bein dramatic." but wat if its not jus a phase? wat if im stuck feelin anxious n angry forever? i dunno how much longer i can keep pretendin everythings ok when its rlly not. im jus tired, like rlly tired. tired of feelin this way n tired of fightin wit myself all the time. i jus wish someone could understand how hard it is, how it feels like im losin myself a little bit every single day.

Apparently here is me and my mom, who fights for the smallest things ever. We just fought today in the clothing store because my style of fashion is way too different from hers.

I know what’s going to happen later on, she’s gonna yell at me, and tell me it’s my fault— but why? It’s not my fault that I like simple clothes, not those complex colorful designs that she tells me to wear

Right. She’s my guardian so she gets to decide who was wrong and who was right— I mean she’s always right

But how to I tell her that she was wrong this time? She’s mad for absolutely no reason

Hi.

I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 6 years now and I love her. When I met her she had a 3yr old son and we now have a son together. The issue now is that we constantly fight and we are drifting apart, I feel like I don't wanna be with her anymore and I have very dark thoughts, sometimes I wanna just end my life but I think about my son. I'm really sinking and I have nobody to speak to.

I have found comfort in playing with myself(wanking). I don't have friends, my life is just sad. The only reason I'm sticking around is because of my child, I really need help.

My mother has 3 daughters. I am the youngest, with two older sisters. My oldest sister died of a rare form of cancer 2 months ago. She was only 35. Saying that we were close is an understatement. We lived together and worked together. She was my very best friend and understood me on a level I don't think anyone ever will again. My middle sister is also my bestfriend, but the relationship is different. She's a very selfish person. She doesn't know how to be any other way. Before my oldest sister died, they were in an argument and not talking. My middle sister doesn't feel guilty about that at all..saying she knows without a doubt they would have been talking again soon. Well that's not neccesarily the truth. I know so much that she doesn't about how my oldest sister was going to cut her off completely. She still loved her, but just didn't like her anymore..and as mean as it sounds, her reasons were valid. I could never share that with my middle sister of course..but sometimes I wish I could. She has made comments lately that have made me so angry. She has said, "I'm so sorry we lost our sister. She was so much better to you than I can be." And you know what shes freaking right. My oldest sister was better to me, and the family. She cared for me and about me. She was selfless. So if my middle sister wants to sit and talk with me, looking for pity when making those statements... I'm going to come online and say the one thing I would never say aloud. you're right. It should have been you.