Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 61

My girlfriend and I (I'm also a girl btw) have been dating for a year and ½ now, and for the first 11 months it was great. We loved each other, and we were comfortable around each other, and we felt safe. We would show physical affection daily, and it was both of our love languages. We would spend so much time together.

But then the bullying started. It was a range of homophobic comments and slurs, to even my girlfriend getting physically attacked by one of these people. The bullying was sorted out a few months back, but things haven't been the same since. Me and my griflriend haven't held hands in months. We haven't shown any physical affection in months. My girlfriend doesn't tell me everything anymore and we've just drifted apart. Because ever since the bullying we've been too scared too be ourselves again. And it hurts me so much because I want to hold her hand, to hug her but she is too scared now because of the homophobia. I understand but it stil hurts.

I still love her but i think all the bullying changed her, and we both know she doesn't feel that way anymore. We haven't broken up though because both of us have been too scared to say it.

I feel so alone because she was the one person who knew everything about me, who still loved me and now we're so distant.

I’ve always had a habit of joking about myself, but lately, I’m starting to think it’s getting out of control. Self deprecating humor was kinda my thing—it made people laugh, made me seem approachable, and honestly, it helped me cover up any awkwardness. At work, it felt like the easiest way to fit in. Like, if I made fun of myself first, no one else could. “Oh yeah, I totally butchered that presentation,” or “Classic me, messing up again.” At first, it was just harmless banter, but now? It’s like I can’t say anything about myself without adding a joke at my own expense.... It's like if self deprecating at work has ruined my confidence... And the worst part? I think people have started to believe it. At first, they laughed along, but now, I catch these looks—like they’re wondering if I actually am bad at my job. Maybe they don’t trust me to handle big projects. Maybe I’ve been so good at making myself the office joke that they actually see me that way now.

The other day, I overheard two coworkers talking about me—nothing mean, but one of them said something like, “Yeah, he’s funny, but you can’t really take him seriously. He even says so himself.” That hit me way harder than it should have. I realized that all these little jokes, all the ways I downplayed myself, were actually making people see me as... less. Less competent. Less reliable. Less professional. I’d been so busy making sure no one saw me as arrogant that I accidentally convinced them I wasn’t worth much at all. And honestly, now I don’t even know if I believe in myself anymore. It’s one thing to use humor to connect with people, but it’s another thing to make yourself look incapable. And now? I feel like I’ve spent the last year making myself sound like a joke, and everyone—including me—started believing it. The weird thing is, I never even felt that insecure before. But now? Now I hear my own words playing back in my head, and they don’t feel like jokes anymore.

Now I’m stuck trying to figure out how to undo it. I wanna be taken seriously at work, but how do I suddenly stop making jokes about myself without looking like I’m trying too hard? It feels weird to just start acting confident when I’ve spent so much time making it clear I wasn’t. And the worst part? Even when I try to stop, those thoughts are still there. Like, what if I really am just average? What if they’re right? It’s like I tricked myself into seeing myself the same way I made everyone else see me. And the truth is, I don’t wanna be seen that way anymore. I know I need to change this before it completely wrecks my career, but I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I need to fake confidence until it becomes real. Maybe I need to just stop talking so much and let my work speak for itself. Or maybe, I just need to figure out how to stop believing every joke I ever made about myself.

A few years ago, my brother died. And it kind of ended up breaking me. I never got to tell him, but the truth is I was in love with him. I still am. I spend everyday thinking about him. Not just as a sibling. As everything. I loved him to the point it was almost obsession. Hell, it probably is obsession. But I can't get over it. Get over him. I can't move on no matter how hard I try. I love him. I'm in love with him, I need him, and I feel so depressed each day without him. I love my brother. His scent. His touch. If he were alive I'd kiss him. Cuddle him. Do everything a couple would do and more. My love for him is beyond the norm for most people. I love my brother. As a friend, as family, as a partner. Romantically, even sexually. I love him with every fiber of my being. And I miss him, so much.

So.

I’ve been struggling with different things for the past three years or even four, it’s been a while and I cannot remember exactly when this did start but I’ve tried everything to fit into what people want me to fit but at the same time I don’t care and at the same time o don’t wanna be a part of them, even if I try to be different I feel like if I’m just calling the attention or something like that and I’m afraid, afraid of myself and disgusted and…I don’t know what more, my mother did find out and tried to force me to get better by trying to make me fit in what she wants that just kept me pulling down

Platonic friendships are possible and I am a believer of that. I've had and still have very successful ones. Those friendships aren't even considered a "friendship" I would consider them a sister. I have 3 friendships like this. Unfortunately I can't anymore. I've spent so much time this girl and it's always been brother and sister love between us both. Looking out for each other comforting each other during hard times and it's been very respectful and the clear boundaries have not been crossed. I hoped that it would've stayed as that bond of brother and sister but when one starts to think of the other in a different light they die inside. You're left with 3 options: 1. Die inside and tell her how you feel and she accepts and everything will be great. 2. Die inside and tell her how you feel and she doesn't like that so you can't be friends. 3. Die inside and don't tell her and preserve your entire relationship with the person. Under other circumstances I would've told her and risked our friendship. She has a boyfriend who l have meant, respect, and love him for her. So much so that when she told me about him I almost cried tears of joy. With that being said I feel that it's only appropriate to distance myself and let the friendship be just memories. I feel it's unfair to her on whatever I do but I only know it's fair to myself if I distance myself. Wonder what your thoughts are on this.

I am in quater of my ideal age where I die. Here's a brief epiphany I have got, or it may be a idealist assumption that my ego is making, simplifying the question which has plagued people for centuries.

The world to me seems not that bad, at this moment. Sure it is difficult and unforgiving and cruel at the same time, and it is so hard to be happy, but I think instead of focusing on it, I should find peace within it. I am sure this is a paradox since it is going to be more difficult than the former, but I think it would be more lasting. To accept that I am a selfish, entitled, flawed human who has a warped sense of reality is a hard pill to swallow but necessary nonetheless. But I am nothing but a human, who will show humanity in times of decision even with all these flaws. This is my firm belief.

It’s been years now, but today still hurts like hell. Happy birthday, mom. I wish I could say that to you in person, hear your laugh, see that little smile you always did when you thought I was being too sentimental. But all I have now are memories and an empty space that never really goes away. People say time heals, but honestly? Some days it feels like time just makes me realize more and more how much I miss you.

I try to go on like it’s just another day, but it’s not. I see your favorite flowers at the store, hear a song on the radio that reminds me of you, and suddenly I’m right back to that ache I thought I’d learned to live with. I hope wherever you are, you know I’m thinking of you. I hope you know I’d give anything just to hug you one more time. Happy birthday, mom. I love you, always.

I’m so tired…..what should I do?..

I’m 32 and felt like want to end my life now..stay alive is more harder than die..

I never thought I’d be the kind of woman to struggle with something like this. I’ve always considered myself secure, independent, and mature enough to understand that everyone has a past. But here I am, years after a relationship ended, still haunted by retroactive jealousy... and I hate it.

It started small, just passing thoughts about my ex’s previous relationships. At first, it was just curiosity. Who was he with before me? What were they like? Did he love them the way he loved me? I thought it was harmless, just me trying to piece togeter the person he was before we met. But over time, those thoughts became something else. They became obsessive, intrusive, and worst of all: uncontrollable.

I would find myself scrolling through old Facebook posts, desperately looking for traces of his past. If I saw a name pop up too often in his old pictures, I’d spiral. Was she the one who broke his heart? Did he love her more than me? Was I just another chapter in his story, or was I something more? It didn’t matter how much he reassured me when we were together. The thoughts never truly left.

Even though we’ve been apart for years now, I still catch myself tinking about it. It makes no sense. I’m not even in love with him anymore, so why do I care? Why does the idea of him loving someone before me still sting? I know how ridiculous it sounds, and yet, here I am, letting a past that isn’t even mine eat away at my peace.

It’s not like our relationship ended because of some great betrayal. We simply weren’t right for each other. He was a good man, but we wanted different things, and eventually, we drifted apart. That should be the end of it, right? So why am I still fighting these ghosts?

I’ve read about retroactive jealousy, and apparently, it’s more common than people admit. It’s not about being possessive, at least not in the traditional sense. It’s about insecurity, about feeling like you’ll never measure up to some imaginary standard set by the past. It’s about comparing yourself to people who no longer matter, but feeling like their existence somehow diminishes your own.

I try to remind myself that we’re all just a collection of past experiences, that who he was before me had nothing to do with who he was with me. But some days, logic isn’t enough. Some days, I still feel like I was just one more name on a list, another relationship he filed away under “good but not great.”

If this was a reality show, I wonder what people would say about me. Would they pity me? Roll their eyes and tell me to move on already? Or would they understand how hard it is to fight a battle that exists entirely in your own head?

I don’t have all the answers, but I know one thing—I don’t want to be held hostage by someone else’s past anymore. Maybe acknowledging this is the first step to letting it go. Maybe one day, retroactive jealousy will just be another thing I used to struggle with. I hope that day comes soon.

Anyone to guide me here???

I’m currently a 32 yo woman in a stable relationship. My biggest wish would be starting a family with my long time boyfriend but we both agreed we should do that after having a bigger house of our own. Everyone around me is managing to do that (some have inherited their house from parents or relatives, others have already managed to buy one) and start a family of their own. We are currently paying rent for a small apartment and working our asses off to put away some money but house prices for a decent place (with some room for a future kid) still seem to be out of our range. I kinda feel hopeless at this point. Will I ever be able to achieve my dreams? It seems impossible to me as of now, I really don’t know what to do and I feel like my life is meaningless. I feel like I am late at life and that when we’ll be able to realize our project it will be to late for me to have a child.

im 16, and i have never felt worse about myself than i do right now and these last few weeks.

since i was a little kid, ive been in bad homes. No matter who i was living with, it has always been filthy and disfunctional. right this instant im living in probably the 2nd or 3rd worst home ive ever lived in. its filthy and miserable. i have a decently severe weed addiction that i adopted in november 2023 after smoking for the first time in august of that same year. my dad got me started (and still supplies me with it) and i dont really hate him for that? i might have killed myself a long time ago if it wasnt for the emotional suppression that weed does to me. Im probably high more than im sober. the weed addiction isnt that bad to be honest but i thought its relevant.

Covid fucked my one good relationship with my old best friend connor. barely talk to him anymore and the majority of my friends are online. I do online school right now, because going to school makes me want to kill myself.

but the thing is, i dont have many real life friends. and that fucking sucks. i dont do anything at all most days other than fuck around on games or fl studio. i have a job too but that doesnt help too much.

im fat. 248lbs at the moment and losing. its alot better than what i was (around 330-350 i dont fully remember). i feel like no one could stand looking at me in a romantic way because of my weight, which realistically i know thats not entirely true. my face isnt much better, i dont consider myself ugly, but i visibly look like my mother, and it fucks me up. i have a very bad relationship with her that i would need a seperate post to go into. tldr for that one is i havent seen her in person in 2 years almost, and she never calls me because shes a heavy drug addict, basically addicted to anything you could think of.

When i was 14 my life (which was already pretty shitty) went to hell. we got evicted due to our disgusting house. thats mostly because of my sisters and my dumb as fuck family who thought we could handle 2 extra drug babies who are not right mentally. after we got evicted, we moved in with my extended family for like 2 months. Thats 12 people in a 3 bedroom house. i hated it. but i got my first experience with my own room. because up until then i was always given the living room to sleep in because i was the oldest. when i lived with the extended family, they gave me a room to myself for some reason. something about genders shouldnt mix? theyre pretty conservative. after 2 months of living with them, we had to leave. we moved into an extremely shitty hotel, one room for everybody, 2 beds. then we moved into a much worse hotel that had 2 rooms. but super infested with roaches. i got so depressed i was getting physically sick. i stayed home from school for a week. after a while, i couldnt take it anymore. i moved in with my dad and here we are now. im writing this while its 5 am so this is gonna be hard to read, sorry its all fucked up and disjointed. honestly theres like 9 other things i wanted to include but maybe another time.

TL;DR

shitty house, shitty family, loneliness, and the want to kill myself

Aight, so I got this problem and idk what to do. Valentine’s Day is like next week, and there’s this girl I really like… but I have NO CLUE how to ask her to be my valentine. Like, do I just text her straight up? Try to be funny? Make it casual?? Bro, I feel like an idiot even stressing over this but I don’t wanna mess it up.

I’ve been talking to her for a while now, and we text almost every day. Nothing too crazy, just memes, random convos, and stuff about school. She always replies fast tho, which I think is a good sign?? Or maybe she’s just nice lol idk. Either way, I actually like her and wanna make a move before some other dude asks her first.

The problem is, I’m trash at this kinda thing. Like, I overthink everything. If I just text, “Hey, wanna be my valentine?” is that too lame? Or what if she thinks I’m joking?? I thought about sending some kinda flirty text like, “So, what’s your Valentine’s Day plans? Cuz I heard this guy (me) is available 😉” but then I feel like I’d cringe myself into another dimension if she doesn’t respond how I hope.

Then there’s the classic “What if she says no?” I mean, yeah, rejection happens, whatever. But having to see her at school after that? BRUH. That would be painful. What if she shows the text to her friends and they all laugh at me?? Lowkey wanna just avoid this whole thing but at the same time, I don’t wanna regret not shooting my shot.

Maybe I should just go all in and send something dramatic like:

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at flirting, but will you be my boo?”

LMAO nah, that’s too much. She’d prob think I’m messing around.

Or should I just keep it simple? Like:

“Hey, so I was wondering… would you wanna be my valentine?”

No emojis, nothing. Just straight to the point. But what if that’s too boring?? Man, this is why texting is so stressful. You can’t tell if someone’s actually excited or if they’re just being nice.

Also, when do I even send it?? If I do it too early, she might think I’m desperate. Too late, and she might already have plans. I feel like there’s some secret Valentine’s Day rulebook I never got.

Honestly, if this was a reality show, I wonder what people would think of me right now. Would they be yelling at the screen like, “JUST TEXT HER ALREADY!!” or would they be roasting me for overthinking so hard?? Probably both tbh.

But yeah, if anyone has advice, lemme know. Cuz right now, I’m just staring at my phone like an idiot, tryna figure out how to ask a girl to be my valentine over text without looking like a total clown. Wish me luck... 😥

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Not sure if this is the right category but I desperately need to vent and get feedback on this. I have been separated from my husband for over a year and a half. We have a three year old son who spends weekdays with me and weekends with his father. I am a full time online college student and stay at home mom, so I get the majority of my homework done when my son is at his dad’s.

Every weekend, my ex will send me photos and videos of our son. Sometimes he’ll send a short message too, but usually just the photos/videos. If I don’t respond to him right away or in a timely manner, he will send me a passive aggressive message like “guess I’m back to being ignored.” Now, I am always busy when he sends these messages. Doing homework, catching up on housework, or even taking a shower. I try to make sure that I at least react to some of the photos to let him know I saw them and enjoyed them. But he still accuses me of ignoring him. And it’s always passive aggressive.

My reason for needing to vent today is the conversation that just happened. For context, I had an issue with my school’s bookstore this semester and only just got the textbook I needed for one of my classes. My instructor is amazing and extended the due dates of assignments for me, so I have 3 weeks of assignments to catch up on, plus work for another class. So I am very busy and need to concentrate. When I dropped my son off at his father’s yesterday, I told him that I had a lot of work to catch up on. This morning, my ex sent me pictures and videos of our son at the park. I took a moment’s break from my schoolwork to view them, sent a heart reaction to a couple, then put my phone down and continued working. 15 minutes later, I got a message saying “back to ignored again?” I took a deep breath to calm myself down, then took a picture of my open textbooks and sent it to him with the message: Thank you for sending videos but please stop assuming I’m ignoring you. I told you yesterday that I have 3 weeks worth of work to catch up on.

This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Ex: Sorry it's just I'm very alone and wanted to share some cool moments of T with someone. Good luck with your school work

Me: I understand that, but I am also tired of constantly being attacked and accused. It creates a lot of stress for me and distracts me from the things I need to do. In the future, please just assume I’m busy. I try to make sure that I react to the photos you send me to let you know I saw them and enjoyed them, and that’s usually all I’m able to do in that moment.

Ex: Always about you, sorry I tried to talk to you.

Me: I am trying to set a boundary. I am trying to communicate with you, to tell you how your words, your accusations of me ignoring you, are affecting me.

Have a good weekend, Simon. Give my love to T, please.

Ex: Look, I'm sorry I tried to talk to you. I was just feeling alone and wanted to to share some cool moments with our son with someone. You have no empathy for anyone other than yourself. I don't know why I keep forgetting that. I'm stupid I suppose.

Me: Maybe instead of accusing me of ignoring you, you could say something like “doesn’t he look like he’s having fun?”

If you want to talk to someone, you shouldn’t accuse them of something first, unless you are looking to start a fight.

Ex: I'm never looking to start a fight. You should know that about me. I didn't say anything because if I say words to you, you'll ignore them and I'll feel shit about myself, like I'm not even worth the 5 seconds it takes to reply.

Me: Ok.

He hasn’t said anything else since, but it is eating me up inside and I have no one else to talk to right now. Am I wrong?? Should I have dropped everything to respond to the photos besides liking them? I already have to watch what I say to him, because using words like “we” upsets him because he immediately assumes I’m seeing someone else. I’m not and am usually referring to my mom, whom I am living with.

I’m just so hurt and angry and confused right now.

I don't know what category this would go in, I don't know if this is even the right place to put this, I just googled 'anonymous places to vent' and went with this. I have no one to talk to and just don't know what to do about anything.

Everything. Just everything, look at what Trump and his cronies are doing, and no one is even trying to stop them. They're just complying in advance, or showing their true colors, both maybe. I keep trying to reach out to charities that are supposed to help LGBTQ folk flee the country or flee red states to blue- no one is helping me. No one. ONE out of the twenty or so I've written answered me, but then suddenly stopped once they said they were going to arrange a video call with me after I confirmed my identity. Rainbow Railroad told me 'America still protects my rights' so they won't help me. They won't even help me get to a blue state despite saying they help with that as well. I think they blocked my emails...

I never even got to live. I wish I was joking saying this, or exaggerating, but I'm not. My father kept me hostage, pretty much, from ages 17 to 22 or so. Sabotaging doctor's appointments, hiding my college acceptance letters, letting me get more and more disabled. More and more dependent. I've had so much crap happen in my life, various flavors of trauma from many different people, most people supposed to love and protect me. That's just one example and the one effecting me second most right now, it has the most relevance.

I'm 25 now, intersex and trans, and trapped. I am afraid to even try to get an ID and passport now despite never having one in the first place because what if someone looks at me and decides it's invalid based on how I look purely and I don't get to travel? Don't get my documents back? That's been happening to trans people trying to flee and yet no country is trying to stop Trump from the outside in seeing this all? Preparing to rescue us even if we have no documents? This is blatantly genocide, they're making us stateless and banning our travel, denying existence and removing government documentation of so many things...

I have been screaming for help for years. YEARS before this. About this, about other things, no one listened. No one ever listens, I need too much help and have too much wrong with me so I'm "not valuable." No one wants to help me and I'm running out of time day by day. I can't keep fighting. I even wrote an Australian government site that says they're taking in queer refugees, begged for help, admitted that I have nothing to offer but that I can learn skills if just given the chance and a bit of help. No one replies, of course, but I expected that. I'm just so tired. Scared.

Why is my life worth so little?

My family, who all either voted for this or skipped out because they had the privilege to as it 'didn't affect them' are around me laughing and unbothered. I just want to scream at them to shut their mouths. Shut up. You don't get to vote for my demise or otherwise treat me like shit for being afraid then sit there laughing, smiling, while I'm here barely making it.

I guess I just want to ask what steps do I even take first? Before someone says therapy, I'm already in it, my therapist doesn't even know what to say or do to help me and yes I'm on meds. I keep getting cycled through them because everything I try I have a terrible reaction to or it does absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do. And no, I'm not trying to encourage violence or am I saying I'm going to do anything to myself, just in case that needs to be made clear. I'm just laying myself bare. I'm just needing SOMEONE to help me. Or at least just hear me, not give me empty, hollow words and "coping mechanism advice" like hotlines (even TrevorChat) do.

I'm just so tired.