Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 81

i don’t even kno when it got this bad. maybe it was always like this, and i just never really noticed. or maybe it happned so slow that i didn’t even see it comin, like a room gettin darker when the sun sets—you don’t realize how bad it is until ur just sittin there, completely in the dark. but here i am, and the truth is i have no one to talk to. no family, no friends, no one who actually cares whts goin on in my head. i wake up, go to work, do wht i have to do, come home, and thats it. days blend together, weeks go by, and i cant even remember the last time someone asked me how i was doin and actually ment it. at work, it’s just small talk, the same fake smiles, the same empty convos about the weather, weekend plans i dont have, and tv shows i pretend to watch just to have somthing to say. and honestly? i don’t even think they’d notice if i stopped showin up. they’d just replace me, move on, forget i was ever there. that’s the worst part—knowing that i could disappear, and it wouldn’t change a damn thing.

i keep tellin myself to fix it, to reach out, to try harder, but it’s exausting. every time i even think about talkin to someone, my brain convinces me it’s a bad idea. they dont really care. they’ll just think ur pathetic. what do u even have to say that matters? and so, i say nuthing. i sit in silence, drownin in my own thoughts, lettin them eat me alive bc, really, what else am i supposed to do? and the crazy part is, i see people every day. i work around them, i pass them in the street, i hear them laughing in restaurants, talkin on the phone, making plans, livin life. but it’s like i’m on the outside of it all, watchin through glass, completely invisible. i wanna say something, to matter to someone, but i wouldnt even kno where to start. nd after a while, u just stop trying. u stop hoping. u stop expectin anyone to care. and maybe that’s the real problem—not that i have no one to talk to, but that i’ve stopped belivin that will ever change. maybe i already gave up. maybe i never had a chance.

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. There are so many tests coming up all at once, and my grades are only getting worse. I'm ruining everything i've worked for and now i feel like a failure. Two years ago i was actually doing well. i though things were getting better, that i was making progress but i ruined everything. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It's so hard to do anything. Even things i used to love doing now feel like a chore. I'm stuck. I feel like a i'm falling behind while everyone else Is moving foward and i don't know what to do.

i swear i dont even kno whats wrong wth me anymore. i just cant stop. like it dont even make sense?? one second im fine, just sittin there, and then boom, tears. no reason, no warning, just happns. nd then i try to stop but it makes it worse. my chest feels tight, my throat hurts, my eyes all blurry, and i just sit there like an idiot wth my face all wet like a dam broke inside me or somthing. i try wipin them away but they just keep comming. i hate it, i hate it so much. like wtf am i even crying for? i dont even kno anymore. everything? nothing? both? its like my brain just gave up tryna hold it all in and now its like “ok time to cry FOREVER i guess.”

i keep tellin myself “stop, stop, stop” but it dont work. even when im out, like in public, it still happens. i be in class, tryna focus, then my eyes start burnin and im like not now, pls but nope, the stupid tears dont care. nd then i gotta pretend im rubbin my face or lookin down at my phone so no one notices, but i know they do. people glance at me but no one says nuthin, which makes it worse bc like… do they not care or do they just not wanna deal wth me?? probly both. nd then i get home thinkin maybe ill feel better but nah, soon as im alone it starts again. like wtf body can u just chill?? i get it, life sucks, but can we NOT be a leaky faucet 24/7??

nothin even helps. music? just makes me cry harder. tv? reminds me of stuff. sleeping? HA, as if. my mind dont shut up even when i close my eyes. i lay there all tired but my head keep spinnin, thinkin bout every dumb thing, every mistake, every stupid moment. nd then i get mad at myself, like why am i even like this? but then i start crying AGAIN bc i feel bad for myself which is so dumb. i dont even kno if its stress, sadness, anger, or just my brain bein broken. maybe all of it at once.

i just want it to stop. i want a break from feelin like this, from bein this. but i dont kno how. i keep thinkin maybe tomrrow will be better, maybe i just need to sleep, maybe i just need time. but then another day comes and it’s the same. nd i start thinkin, wht if this is just how it is now? wht if i never stop? bc honestly, right now? i really feel like i never will.

I am a 7th grader that is a girl and my family is not a good one my sibling can't really do anything without getting yelled at from my mom she hates when something goes good for me she is the judgist mom ever she made me cry jst from body shaming me and saying I was a slut for getting my first boyfriend when I was like 10 so she is not a good person at all she had me at 19 my sister at 17 and my brother at 25 and my baby sister at 31 she is 32 now and for some reason she wants to destroy her life and our life also. I don't have that many friends since most of them moved away from me and some people don't really like my personality ig since they call me immature and ignoring so yeah so I don't really have ppl to talk to since I only have like 3 close friends that don't like me that much my sister shes 15 and sometimes I talk to her abt stuff but she also doesn't like me that much and mostly yells at me and I have more siblings but one lives in Florida and the other two live wit my dad i don't really see my dad a lot but anyway lets just get into the story.So at my school we have halloween festivals every year and this year i wanted to match with my friend that goes to a diff school and the festival is on the friday b4 halloween and my mom she says she will take me somewhere but never does so she said she was gonna take me to get my costume but she didn't and like 2 days b4 the festival she said she was gonna grab the stuff for my costume (my costume was gonna be a cat) and i said ok and she normally looks pissed off so i didn't mind her it was 2 days after and she still haven't came back so i asked my stepdad and he didn't know where she was to and his car was messes up so we had to take his friends car and i had to leave quick but my sister could stay or wtv and i was kinda mad she had to stay but my step dad drove me home and said i had to watch my baby sister like why did i have to do it i hate that even when my mom was there i always still had to watch the baby and do chores everyday and not get paid or anything so i can't complain or I get grounded but a few days later and I have to stay wit my grandma I call her nana not nanna no that's sound disgusting to me idk why but anyway I had to stay at her house and i come to find out she spent 2,000 of my stepdads money without him knowing and idk who cheated on who but I'm pretty sure it was my mom but she is saying it was him when he was wit me and my siblings the whole time but so now I'm bouncing to my stepdads house to my nanas and it's December 21 2024 so I go to my real dads house !! and my favs cousin is there but my dad's other family is very problematic so me my sister's and my cousin are sleeping and we hear some yelling and we wake up it's 5 am in the morning we look out the door it's my drunk stepmom attacking my aunt so my sister calls my nana and we get picked up my my grampa.its not gonna be a good year if that's the start of it ig.but he gets us some donuts or wtv and I hated how my sister treated me like a baby when we was at my dad's house like I ain't no fucking baby like I can handle myslef I don't need you to protect me like they ain't gonna do shjt to me but wtv anyway we go home and right to sleep btw we moved to our grandparents house so if we say home we gonna call house one my grandparents house and house two my stepdads house and we STILL havent heard from my mom.fast forward like two months it's march now!! So I fully moved in wit my grandparents and I moved schools so yh but tonight my mom came over when I don't want her here and also she came over before and I kinda had a mental breakdown and my mom was screaming at me when I was having it and I was telling her I do not want to talk to her but anyway lets talk abt tonight so she fanr over and I was in my room and she was calling me or wtv and I did not want to talk to her I don't even want her in my life bc if u wanna be my mom I alr gave u many chances and she failed me on all of them so I'm not gonna let you be my mom anymore IDC if you want me to talk too you I'm not letting it happen but anyway she came in my room and I was watchig yt and she said I was calling you and I said ik I said what multiple times and she said I don't give a damn if I call you that means come here and I said I don't wanna talk to her and she went all in my face and cussdd me out when she was in the wrong and the thing is I said it in a very polite tone is crazy but she got out my room and I closed my door or wtvand I was waiting for her to leave but im srry it's a long vent I have more but not rn so bye yall

I'm about to choke. It's 4:20 am right now. I'm doing homework for tomorrow and some assigments i had to turn in ages ago. I'm trying to take my mind off things because i swear i'm so close to throwing up. I'm too scared to sleep. I'm so scared of what tomorrow will be like. Sometimes i wish It could be night forever. It's funny beacuse i used to find It scary. Sometimes i still do. But honestly I think i find It better to bask in the dark and not be able to see an inch from my nose, than to stay out during the day where i can perfectly see all the ways i messed up. Where i, and everybody else can see how much i failed and dissapointed myself and those around me who wanted me to be better than this. I wanted to be better than this. I still do. I'm trying to be better. More productive, more polite, more present, more responsible, smarter, nicer, Better. But i can't. I keep on failing. I keep on messing up. And i'm so tired. I'm always so tired recently. It doesn't matter what i try, or how much progress i make, i end up messing everything up. And It's exhausting. I've been this tired for ages now. Everything feels so hard, everything Is so tiring. I feel like a burden to those around me. I'm becoming everything they hoped i wouldn't. And i'm wasting all that they did for me. All because i can't pull myself together. And i don't understand. Why? Everybody else does It. Why can't i? What am i doing wrong? Why can't i be better than this? I want to be better. And i'm trying. But It all keeps going down the drain.

Look I don’t or didn’t know what to put as the topic. However; day by day, hour by hour, year by year, month by month I’m less ok. If your anything like me it’s hard to tell someone or even talk to a trusted adult about what your going through. I may not know you but welcome to whatever this fuckin thing is… life is mysterious yet hurts because you never know what will happen. My parents want what’s best for me yet I don’t know what’s best for me, I don’t have a path. I don’t have a journey to follow, I’m going with the flow going day by day not knowing where I’ll end up or how I’ll feel by the end of the day. I mean fuck, I skipped work and got so drunk I just needed to feel something, I needed to feel like I could feel things again. Yet it didn’t matter it didn’t help, getting drunk or high won’t help.. sadly… I’m terrible with talking to people I’m awkward I’m socially awkward I’m anxious and scared and anything possible. I know I need to find what I’m good at but it’s like everyone around me isn’t rooting for me, but is pushing me to do things I can’t do or I don’t want to do. Don’t let that happen to you. Because you need to follow your heart, your head, and follow your own path not one someone forges for you, not one someone is forcing you to do. Follow whatever you want to do. Never feel pressured to do anything, take your time and soon enough you will end up ok. Maybe not today, or tomorrow or a week from now fuck maybe not even a year from now but we were all brought onto this earth to do smth we just need to find out what.

So I gave birth to a child, when he was inside of me I didn't like him, hell I wanted to kill myself just to destroy him, I didn't get pregnant by choice, I couldn't get a abortion because of the law, my whole pregnancy just fucked with my mental and physical health but then when I saw him for the first time and holded him I just couldn't help but love this little treasure, but sadly after 2 weeks of pure happiness of me holding, nursing, talking and sleeping with him I got a lot of pus filled bump all over my forehead, since the doctor doesn't know what is it, he forbade me from nursing and holding MY CHILD, my treasure so know it's my mother and siblings who takes care of him, i'm jealous, I also want to hold him but I can't, I know that they are just trying to help but I can't help it, i'm jealous of them

I feel like shit. I just took my first exam of this semester and I don't feel like I did well. For some background I am currently in the highest level accounting course in my school and opted to take a 7 week course while also working full time. The class started 10 days ago and I ended up getting a 76% on this exam. I am beating myself up and berating myself because I feel like I should have done better and I want some chocolate or something to bring my mood up but I feel like I can't let myself try to feel better because I'm subconsciously telling myself that it's okay to get Cs on exams. And I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I work 40 hours a week and accounting courses can be hard and 10 days isn't a lot of time to learn a bunch of material. But this isn't a STEM major (I'm an accounting major) and I didn't use my time well. I should have reviewed more of the material and gone over the reading more before taking the exam. I just can't justify letting myself be comforted about my performance on this exam. I don't know what to do. I can't just give up, this is my last accounting course. How do I move past this feeling?

There are times where I get a thought and it makes my anxiety go up to like 50% more than usual. I don’t know why this happens and it drives me insane so I try not to think about it, but it keeps coming back and I don’t know what to do when this happens. I don’t know what triggers it either. It just happens. It does go away in day or two, but when it starts, it makes my heart raise up and my mental health goes to a different place. I have good strategies but there are times when I’m at work or doing something social that it comes again I don’t know the trigger, but I am working on it. if anyone has any advice when this happens to me or tell me their story, please let me know. Thank you.

I've never felt this way before

I'm going through broken heart syndrome

I said some mean things to my closest friend who I have feelings for

Basically accused her for lying about something

We discussed about my feelings for her and she told me she doesn't have feelings for me although she kinda misled me into believing that she did

But she values our friendship

I couldn't sleep knowing that she doesn't like me even though I felt optimistic that she did

After I said those hurtful things, she is seeing me in a different light, and saying that she can't even imagine being friends with me

We're co-workers and we're part of a friends circle

I can imagine things being different but it physically hurts me to think that we can't stay friends

I’m 13, female. I’m currently in 8th grade about to go into Highschool. For the past maybe a bit over a year I’ve been feeling like I have less energy and I’m always stressed with problems. Last year I had a really big thing happen in my friend group that made everything messy and only added more stress onto me when I was already stressed from school (I took two advanced classes) and my home life since my parents were in the middle of a divorce. I notice that around then I started becoming more tired, less energetic and with no motivation to do anything even the things I love like reading and writing. My phone became my safe space where I could just escape to and not come out for hours. When I went to 8th grade everything cleared up for a bit, I had a fresh start, I was happy. But still I had that looming feeling of exhaustion. I’m handling everything much better than last year so I’m not sure why I’m so tired? Sometimes at night I find myself spiraling into negative thoughts about many things, each time it happens I feel worse. I have some stress at home but it’s not a lot like it’s pressuring me as it had before. Am I becoming depressed or am I just being lazy? What do I do?

Bro, I swear, no one ever prepared me for this moment. Like, I’ve studied, I’ve worked hard, I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do to start my career, but nowhere in the onboarding packet did it say how to respond when a cute coworker tells you, "I appreciate you." And now I’m just sitting here, overthinking this to death because what does that even mean??? Was it just a casual thing? Was it some deep, meaningful thing? Am I supposed to say it back? I don’t know, and my socially awkward ass is malfunctioning.

It wasn’t even some big moment. I helped her with something small, like barely anything, and she just smiled at me and said it—like it was no big deal. But my brain froze. I think I muttered something dumb like "uh yeah, sure," which is definitely not the right response. Who says "uh yeah, sure" to appreciation?? And now I feel like I messed up some huge social rule I didn’t even know existed. The worst part? Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I mean, she’s cool. She’s funny, she’s smart, she actually talks to me without making me feel like an awkward loser. And now I’m wondering… did she mean something by it? Or is my lonely, never-been-in-a-real-relationship brain just making a big deal out of nothing?

I feel like if I was normal, I would’ve just smiled and said "I appreciate you too." But I didn’t. And now I have to see her at work every day, knowing I fumbled the simplest human interaction possible. I need a do-over. Or, like, an instruction manual for being a functioning adult in social situations. Because if this happens again, I gotta be ready. Next time, I’m gonna play it cool. Next time, I’m gonna say something that doesn’t make me sound like a total idiot. Right?

You don’t really know it’s toxic when you’re a kid. It’s just your normal. You think everyone’s house is like this, that every kid walks on eggshells, trying not to set someone off. That it’s normal to feel your stomach drop when you hear a car pull in the driveway. That it’s just how things are when conversations go from 0 to screaming in seconds. But then you grow up, and you start seeing things differently. You hear your friends talk about their parents, the way they support them, how they actually listen when they have a problem, and it hits you—your childhood was not normal. It was not okay. And suddenly, everything you tried to ignorre, to downplay, to make excuses for, comes rushing back.

One of the biggest signs you grew up in a toxic family? You don’t know how to take a compliment. When someone says something nice about you, your first instinct is to brush it off, to laugh awkwardly, to assume they’re just being polite. Because you spent years being told you weren’t enough. Not smart enough, not good enough, not anything enough. And now, even when you know better, it’s like your brain refuses to accept that maybe, just maybe, you’re actually worth something. Instead, you’re always waiting for the but. The insult that follows the rare compliment. "You did well on that test, but don’t get cocky." "You look nice today, but too bad you don’t dress like that all the time." So when someone is genuinely kind to you, you feel uncomfortable. Like it’s a trick. Like love and approval are things you have to earn, not just something you get for existing.

Another sign? You apologize. Constantly. For everything. Even thiings that aren’t your fault. You say sorry when someone bumps into you. You say sorry when you ask a question, when you talk too much, when you take up space. Because growing up, you learned that the smallest mistake could set someone off, that your feelings weren’t valid unless they were convenient for everyone else. So you learned to shrink yourself. To be small. To be invisible. And now, even when no one is mad at you, you still feel like you’re in trouble. Like at any moment, someone’s going to yell, to criticize, to make you feel like a burden. And the worst part? Half the time, you don’t even realize you’re doing it. It’s just who you are now.

And then there’s trust. Or, well, lack of it. Because when the people who were supposed to protect you, love you, make you feel safe, were the same ones who hurt you, lied to you, manipulated you… how are you supposed to just trust anyone? How are you supposed to believe people mean what they say, that they won’t turn on you the second you let your guard down? You don’t. Instead, you assume everyone has a hidden agenda. That every act of kindness has a cost. That no one stays, not really. And so, you keep your distance. You let people in just enough to not be alone, but never enough that they could actually hurt you. And maybe one day, you’ll learn how to unlearn all of this. How to stop waiting for the worst to happen. How to believe that love doesn’t have to be painful. But right now? Right now, you’re just trying to get through the day without feeling like you’re still stuck in a house you left years ago. 😓

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.

I’m 13, female and I went on a website looking for someone to talk to so I could vent about my issues with my family. My family, while I love them, has flaws. My parents, even though they’re divorced, still live together in my Mom’s apartment with me and my sister. It had been a rough divorce and I’m not sure if I’m fully over it but I still have lasting things going on. My mom and dad mutter bad things about each other, mostly my dad though. Living in an apartment it’s easy to hear through the paper thin walls and his loud voice doesn’t help. I don’t know if my little sister notices or not but I hope she doesn’t. Anyway, I went on a website that was 18+ where you could talk to strangers anonymously. As expected there were a lot of weird people on there but I skipped past them and found a few good ones. I matched up with this one German guy. I live in New Jersey, USA so we’re nowhere near each other. I found it cool I could talk with someone across the world and we talked about the different countries and our lives. He told me he was 22 and I said I was 19 since the age was 18+. I probably shouldn’t have ever gone on in the first place but I was desperate for someone to listen to me. So we talked and talked. He was really nice and sweet and he listened to me and gave feedback. I told him my insecurities and he said that I was perfect the way I was and not to worry about it and let it drag me down, despite not even seeing a picture of me or anything! I felt so seen and heard. We both had cats. I had one and he had too so we talked about that and made jokes. He was funny and made me smile. So, when I started picking up on him flirting with me I was flattered but dread started to pile up. I liked the flirting, I never felt so nice like I had nothing to change or worry about. Not to mention I’m fairly socially awkward and not on the popular side in my school so while everyone started to date and experiment I lagged behind. Maybe a bit ridiculous I know but I always wanted something like true love. Or even just someone to cherish me like the guys in the books and shows.. and he gave me that. I told him I was part French but only by blood and I didn’t really know French but we still joked about it. I’m in French class so I knew a few French words and sentences so I showed him just as fun, things like how to order from a restaurant and whatnot. He said he had a thing for French girls and I couldn’t help but feel happy and the flutter in my stomach I never really felt before. The time difference was major and he had to go to sleep soon as it was very late at night, or rather early in the morning for him. I never flirted back but I did pick up on all of his. How he wished me goodnight in French, he called me hun, said specific things about comments I made that I knew he did intentionally. That problem is, I’m 13, not 19. It’s wrong and nothing will ever come of it but he doesn’t know that. I’m cat fishing him and I didn’t even mean to! I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been a genuine connection like that for so long and I feel so good around him, he said I make him smile by talking with him. But he doesn’t know I’m 13. I don’t want to let go of what we have, I’m afraid I’ll never find something like that again. I know it can never happen though. And even if I could manage to just stay on a friendly level I’m sure the feelings wouldn’t go away and it wouldn’t change the fact that I have to keep pretending to be 19. He’d find out eventually or at least get suspicious right? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be furious of course and I don’t want to lose the friendship and connection I have. I don’t know what to do now.