Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 82

Despite people telling me I'm pretty and intelligent, no one has ever been interested in me romantically. They always want me out of interest or for my body. I'm 19, and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me as time goes by.

It's true that, since I'm studying at uni, I don't have much time to focus on looking for a relationship, but even so, I think it's quite strange that no one has shown even a bit of interest in getting to know me as a person, rather than just using me. Furthermore, seeing that all my friends have had at least one relationship makes me feel even more "isolated."

I would like to know if this is a normal feeling and how I can improve my situation. Thank you so much.

(this post will be all over the place, I'm so sorry in advance) M17, I'm a failure. Point blank and simple, I can't seem to do anything right. I always forget stuff, simple or not, like hitting the send button sometimes or I leave something at my house whenever I go somewhere. It's so frustrating. And that's not all; My grades are like B's, which isn't that bad, but I am always told that "you're a smart kid" so then why tf am I making straight B/C's? (Anything below a 70 is not accepted in my house btw) I honestly just hate myself, who I am, what I look like, how I act. It's all just, eff me honestly. I'm the class clown, so I'm loud, obnoxious, annoying, and other such. I have a girlfriend, but I am starting to feel like she's drifting away, which makes me so upset, I don't want to lose her, she's been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, but I always try to be supportive, kind, loving and there for her, but I just, idk. I have Narcolepsy and Anxiety, so I'm often tired and stressed about too much. I just want a frickin' break, like seriously, I can't win at anything anymore. I'm so done. I won't k!ll myself because I'm too scared of dieing, but sometimes it's so hard to just exist. Like I just want to escape it all sometimes for like a week or two, that's all I ask, but I know I won't get that. Also college and my career scare me, I have a year left and I still don't know what I want to be, and I feel this pressure that I have to know soon, it's just all so much. If you've made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you wasting your time on me and my emotional prison. I hope you have a good day

i feel like im losing my mind. ive been thinking about this guy constantly for a while even though ive never met him? i havent texted him in nearly a year after he told me he thinks im too young for him but i cant get him off my mind, i just want to meet him. worst part is im already seeing someone whos great and i feel so awful thinking about someone i dont even know! what do i do?!

Me and my partner have been together almost 2 years this year, and recently his mother passed away so I really tried my best to show my support from him and even try to cheer him up, I'm not rushing for him to get better immediately since losing someone you love isn't easy. But by the time he's shwoing positive energy or vibes around me and even saying that he already moved on as I further asked him if he is okay and such, I thought that everything would go back to normal.

Yesterday I accidentally fall asleep because I was really tired, but I didn't chat my partner that I fell asleep and such. So he's been giving me the cold shoulder which i really hate because its hard to make up with him when he's acting like that, but as much as possible I really tried to put my pride down as due to the issue that he is dealing with.

Just today I was asking if he is okay then he lashes out to me entirely on how he waited for hours and I didn't even bother updating him, even a simple one would've been nice he said, which I repeatedly kept saying my reason but he's still angry at me.

This hasn't been the first time that it happened but it's slowly killing me inside, I know that I should consider and try to understand his feelings that's why as much as possible when he's angry at me I dont argue with him and repeatedly kept saying sorry and I'll try to be better. One of the things that has marked my mind is that after I said that I'll be better ge said back to me that "you're only making it worst" and by the time that I need to go hom at his mom's funeral I happen to overhear the word "irritating" which I think he was referring to me because I kept on insisting that I need to go hom because I needed tl do something.

I'm really trying my best even pushing myself out of my boundaries even sometimes disobeying my parents orders just to be with him, it's slowly hurting the pain that I have been repeatedly been feeling over and over and over again keeps building up why is it unfair when it comes to me. Whenever I get angry it doesn't have to be like this complicated and hard to reach out to me why when it comes to him I would struggle a lot.

Im slowly getting tired, I still love him but im getting tired, I want to keep going but it's getting harder and harder.

I just want everything to end

So, I was dating my ex, and my ex bsf told my ex I was cheating on him (I wasn’t and she had no proof she was genuinely mad that I had a very healthy relationship.) and when she tired saying that she was “only trying to help and protect my relationship with a tuff conversation.” But then she chose my ex boyfriend over me, and I put my foot down because he was super toxic and also mentally abused me and used me, so I dropped her. She knows this all so I’m not sure why she dated him, but he didn’t like her (me and him worked things out and are now friends and chill with each other) so I helped him break up with her because why not? She wasn’t my friend anymore so no point. After I broke them up she was only after me. Told my mom I still was okay with my ex, told my mom that I had a boyfriend (she didn’t know because I didn’t think I should’ve told her yet so I didn’t) and she made my life a living hell. She bullied me, said things about me, even told everyone I was a whore and would do anything to get male attention (which she can’t talk, she dated a 53yr man and she stayed with him for months till I told her mom.) I didn’t go to school for weeks because I was so depressed that I couldn’t even get out of bed. But now I’ve gotten revenge. She started smoking, copying my style, and even ended up dyeing her hair the SAME color as mine. Before all of this she never even wore make up, she was trying to one up me. So, I told the school she was selling weed in the girls bathroom (She was dont worry) and I watched officers search her house and so did her mom for the weed. They found a LOT of weed. Almost 2 pounds, i was outside her house with the biggest smile I’ve ever had. And now, she’s been posing as me online and when I got a email (weird social. But ok) from HER boyfriend asking me out and if I’d get with him so ofc me being a decent person, I told my ex bsf about it. She then went around saying I went after her boyfriend and that I stole him from her, which I ended up doing because if she’s gonna say stuff it might as well become true. I then told the school she was bullying me and saying all of this stuff, she even body shamed me, (I’m 155 and she’s like 109, I’m at a healthy weight. She is not (she’s younger than 15 so she’s extremely underweight and she’s always been really insecure about it)) they didn’t do anything. But now she’s begging me almost everyday to be my friend again. (Everyone’s dropping her because she’s always playing the victim and now she’s spreading things about other people as well so their dropping her. She now only has one friend who doesn’t like her but is putting up with her.) they obviously didn’t do anything and so I gave up. She’s still begging for me to be her friend and she’s even tried giving me gifts and money just a bunch of stuff and every time i drop it on the floor, making her pick it up telling her to stop giving me things.

Okay, moral dilemma here. I have two friends, Friend A and Friend B. Friend A came to me a while ago and confessed in confidence that they had feelings for Friend B, and told me not to tell anyone, especially Friend B, because they knew that it wouldn’t work out and that they were trying to save themself the heartbreak by trying to get over them. MEANWHILE, a few weeks after Friend A tells me they like Friend B and are trying to get over them, Friend B comes to me and confesses feelings for FRIEND A, also in confidence. However, Friend B also tells me, pretty distraughtly, that they have been trying to get Friend A’s attention, but have been turned down or ignored each time (remember, Friend A is trying to get over Friend B; they think the best way to do that is by avoiding them) and now Friend B thinks that Friend A hates them. I want to tell Friend B about Friend A’s feelings so that they know that Friend A actually doesn’t hate them, but that would go against Friend A’s wishes. I could also tell Friend A about Friend B’s feelings for them, but that could go badly because 1) it would go against Friend B’s wishes and 2) Friend A is actively avoiding and trying to get over their feelings for Friend B. WHAT DO I DO.

i feel so upset in life, i feel like things at the moment aren't going as plan, i cant be with the person I want t,. I have lost her. I feel very misunderstood at work that i had a mental breakdown on the way home. Lately I've been feeling very unwanted, I wonder if it'll be like this everyday. At times i wish maybe if i wasn't born i wouldn't have to live through this phase of negatively, and unfairness. I feel like im holding myself by a thread, i wonder how long ill keep this for i really hope i have the mental strength because i don't feel like continuing anymore. I wonder if being nice and very respectful is a bad thing now a days, i feel like because of that i have very much suffered from it. i feel used, mistreated, i pray and hope god takes me into a better path. : (

i'm 23M, and i really dont know where to begin. i'd say for the most part my life is pretty good. i have goals and dreams and im passionate about them, but it seems like when i reach a goal or something good happens to me im so burned out from all the previous things i cannot learn to feel truly happy about them. its like im never satisfied with the life i live. i love and cherish life deeply because i know one day there wont be a tomorrow and everything is done. but its seems like mentally im trapped, mentally i cannot learn to appreciate the things i have going on for me. Recently i was told that i would be getting my own full time job position at the end of the month. others happy for me ecstatic even. here i am stuck in this neutral state. like yeah im happy but then i think ? am i really? and then i started to go down a dark mental road. the two things i desire in life is to be in love and to be financially free. two things i know i can achieve but its seems they are never at the same time.... i met someone recently and the energy has been so good and the vibes were awesome to the point where i was nervous/awkward because i really couldnt believe it. things were great until a day or so ago shit just completely 180s the energy is off and i dont get replied to at all. and it angers me because why ? nothing happened from what i know things were great? it makes me so mad because why? why sit here and go throught all this dates and all just to be snubbed. it hurts me because i know the person i am i have morals and good hearted tendencies i would never do wrong unless done wrong. she tells me she manifested me and all of this yet im getting put on the craziest back burner ever... i feel as if im already fed up with it because it seems like time and time again its the same outcome and its like damn am i insane? because its starting to feel like the textbook definition. i know life goes at different paces and im still young but being old and still searching for my one is something i cannot bring myself to do. i feel like im stuck in my head and i have no way to control it. i dont wanna work the hard job for the rest of my life and i dont want to be alone. i know that im not alone because i have people but alone in the sense i have no one to call my own and its the fact that when i find someone its always stripped away from me to the point where i thought i was self sabotaging my relationships. i wish that i knew my fate in world sometimes because it would be enough to just understand that it will be okay in the end. but thats the mystery of the life we live. Life just feels like its becoming boring and just a repeated cycle everyday. wake up, go to work, come home, game, sleep, repeat that shit is boring games arent even fun anymore the thing i loved the most video games are not fun anymore. videos on videos watched to feel nothing but a laugh here and there. and then back in my head. theres no escape from it and i cant take it i just want to be happy. i have exciting news coming friday but im scared that when that time comes itll be another cycle of delayed gratification if thats even the statement for it. i just want to believe that im just going through the motions but im starting to think its more than that. i just want it to stop, im tired of restarting , im tired of the same workplace drama. im tired of the same thing i meet someone things go great it crashes. im tired of the life i live continuously being a dread because im stuck in the same cycle. im tired of saying im gonna do and never do. i just sometimes honestly want to give the fuck up but i know i cant. last night i thought about killing myself as i looked in the corner of my room because it all feels the same nothing makes me happy. i can't even begin to know what happiness is anymore i thought meeting this girl would light that fire in me again because i would know what its like to be wanted to feel loved. to be happy. but i never even got the chance too. my past 3 situationships have done nothing but dig me deeper in the ground. i just want to amount to something. i just want to know what its like to love someone and they love you back. i just want to be able to wake up and both my physical and mental are happy. this life is so precious and i just wonder is this how my life is meant to be spent? why is it like this? when do me and my people start to win? being counted out hurts more than anything it hurts when it feels like not even your friends believe in you because thats what your brain tells you. i know my life has a purpose and i know that all blessings must be counted no matter how big or how small. but im just stuck. im stuck feeling like shit builds up just to crash and burn i hate that my mind is so creative yet so deceptive i hate that it feels like my biggest enemy is myself and i dont know how to defeat him. i want to just be happy again.

im not sure if this is the right category for this but i just need to get it off my chest so sorry if i start rambling a little bit

im 18 and honestly have been contemplating whether or not i should be alive right now.

for the last six months, my life has been pretty miserable. people talk about the uni experience like it’s some exciting thing but for me it’s been nothing but a source of dread and anxiety. i had a pretty rough last two years of high school where my grades plummeted to C’s in some classes and while i did get decent grades to get into uni itself, my uni grades have been so much worse. it’s been really hard seeing it happen because growing up i associated my worth as a person with my grades and therefore with bad grades im basically less than your average person. i failed some classes in my first term and i have been trying to rectify it this term but i lost my dog almost exactly a month ago tomorrow and have felt myself spiralling deeper down this depressive? episode if you could call it that.

for the last 11 years my dog’s probably one of the only people who has loved me unconditionally. im sure my parents’ love me but it always felt like if i didn’t meet their standards i was useless and a disappointment. they know about my uni grades which sparked a lot of strain on our relationship. as if there wasn’t enough already.

and i know people’s go to response is oh you need to talk to someone!! whether that’s a friend, sibling, or family but like my situation is different. i don’t think my friends could really help me with this and my parents aren’t very approachable and my brother is like 10. i love my parents wholeheartedly and while i get that being the oldest child means that they learned how to parent through me it’s just so hard being told that family is always there for you when i know that’s not the case. my dad’s there physically but not mentally and emotionally for his kids and my mom tries to be but she’s got a quick temper and constantly makes little comments about my appearance, weight, acne etc.

anyway we just got into another argument after they found out i got a bad grade on a midterm and it kind of made me realize how much i hate myself and my life. it kind of scares me that not even 15 minutes ago i was thinking about when i was back at my dorm i could just take a crap ton of painkillers and fall asleep and hope i don’t wake up or take a hike and get lost in the woods on purpose.

i also realized that some of my habits in the last couple months have been pretty self destructive/ could be seen as sh? like i stay up all night on my phone mindlessly watching a tv show/movie, reading books or comics even when my eyes are burning and then when i fall asleep it’s like im asleep for hours or like mindlessly playing video games(which have always been a coping mechanism/decompressor) for hours on end despite knowing i could be using the time to be productive.

i’d just like some sort of sign to keep going, something to motivate me because im very close to just ending it.

I feel awful. I was firmly convinced that my boyfriend was being controlling with me and when I read an article about the signs of being with a controlling partner I realized that actually my boyfriend isn't really that controlling, I am.

Why on earth do I meet every single criteria for what it means to be controlling in a relationship? And in the end of the article is the ab*sive hotline phone number.

Honestly, I'm worried about my own self and him. I keep telling him we should see a couples counselor, but he keeps saying in the future we will and that's not working for us. Initially, I looked up an article because I tried multiple times over the course of a few days to break up with him for being disrespectful to me and he would somehow convince me in the end to not break up.

I still think in his own way he is toxic and controlling, but I feel ashamed of myself. I feel stupid, too. I don't understand why I never even noticed that about myself before. He also never tells me directly that he thinks I'm being controlling, but I have told him when I think he is. I am scared of continuing being in this relationship with these behaviors of mine and his, too. It's just more reason to end the relationship, but he puts up resistance when I attempt to leave him. Now I see how we aren't a good fit for each other and it isn't just him. Idk how to get him to accept that it's over between us because we both need professional help.

I do actually have what I thought were solid reasons to explain my "controlling" behaviors and it really felt justified before reading the article. I would share it here too, but it's such a long story to be typing over a single text box. I guess I'm not entirely seeking any kind of advice. I'm mostly just venting. I am still trying to process that I wasn't as good of a partner as I felt I was all this time. I feel so guilty about things I possibly put my partner through without realizing. I wonder if I fix my end of the issues if he will just improve on his own as well or if it isn't worth it. I truly love him, I'm just afraid of wasting years of my life and his and in the end things fall apart. I don't want to fail if I invest everything I can into pur relationship together. I guess I'm unsure how to move forward with this and it's made me feel really upset.

When I was around 11-13 I was badly suicidal. I ended up attempting 4 times. Then the 5th time, it almost worked. I was in the hospital getting 52 stitches on both my arms and 8 on my left leg, I didn’t leave because I was terribly under fed (I was starving myself for almost 2 weeks surviving on water, gum, and if I didn’t feel horrible, crackers.) so they had to force feed me for 3 days. Then I got put in a mental hospital (mind you I was 12) for almost 3 weeks until I got attacked by a person there. Thinking it couldn’t get any worse, right? Wrong. My mom then started abusing me and verbally abusing me. She then threw me down a staircase. Choked me, and then threw me down outside our house, when I had the chance I called 911. When they got there, I started crying, bruised in my neck, my knees bleeding, a huge bruise on my forehead. They only talked to my mom, not me the victim. When the paramedics arrived I only got to tell them. The officers asked to see my neck, and they then asked me. “Are you dating someone that’s in college?” I had no idea what they ment at ALL. when I told them I had no idea what w

They ment. My mom told them that she was punishing me for talking to an older guy (she found a hat one of my friends dad gave me from his college year which had the logo and name, year everything and I told her and she didn’t believe me.) so I told them I didn’t know and they just shut me up in the paramedics van. To THIS DAY. no one believes me. Not one bit. When I move out, should I cut contact with my family? My dad backed her up even though when my mom threw a tv at me he did nothing. Not a single thing.vmind you SHES been abusing me for years on end, one point she locked me a room. No food, no water, no blanket, no bathroom, I wasn’t aloud to leave till she said I could. I don’t feel safe around her and I don’t think I’d trust my kids around her when I have some.

I tried a dating app awhile ago, I think two months now, and matched with a really sweet girl but it ended poorly to say the least. She told me that she was monogamous and acespec like me, but then tried to polybomb me, basically saying though she could see herself in a relationship with me that I wasn't worth monogamy. I'm still really hurt by that, it was the first time I really tried putting myself out there after a lot of trauma in my life (which she knew about- was one of the few people to not just treat me like crap right off the back for it. I told her more than I have ever told most people, not everything, but a lot) and so now I'm just... Sad.

I feel like I just don't belong anywhere. I'm intersex and transfem, preferring T4T, but my being intersex makes a not small number of the trans community say I "don't count" or "can't be trans" among other things. On top of that, it seems like there are no acespec or monogamous trans people, especially not transfems. I will just call myself queer and sapphic leaning for the sake of this post. It's not a lie, it's not wrong, it's just also not completely correct and doesn't say the whole picture.

My being disabled and chronically ill also makes a lot of potential partners steer clear. I feel like I have no community for FRIENDSHIP let alone romance with all I have going on, plus being stuck in a deep red part of an already red state, I was attacked just trying to buy groceries a few weeks after the election so I'm even more hesitant to even try to go anywhere for anything. I haven't set foot back in that store, settling for buying food at dollar stores as they're the only other thing close to where I live, because I'm so terrified of people hurting me again. I've thought of trying a dating app again, but I'm afraid of being manipulated like before again, and with the state of things I can see dating apps soon becoming dangerous for the lgbtqia2p community in general.

The world just feels so hostile, I have so much going on (see my last entries and just... A lot I won't get into), all I want is someone to cuddle up to and get through the storm with. Someone I can lean on, let them lean on me, be myself with and be loved/accepted wholly. Give them that in return. I don't think I've ever had anyone really do that to/for/with me. Platonic, familial, romantic- nothing. Whole other cans of worms.

I don't know. I guess I just want to say watch out for people who lie about being mono then try to polybomb you, and if any of you who do that sort of thing are reading this, cut it the hell out. It's also not being bigoted towards poly folk to just not want to be poly or date anyone who is poly, quit acting like it is, and telling someone that they're not worth commitment essentially? Disgusting. You're poly, fine and dandy, don't shame people who aren't or try to trick them into it. That's also not be polybashing, either. I'm just, admittedly, very hurt and traumatized further after that experience. In order to explain just why, I'd have to give information that would doxx me however, so I will not.

I also want to say, I wish sex wasn't put on such a high pedestal in love, that there were more people who liked cuddling and emotional connection over intimacy in that way. I wish cis people didn't see me, intersex person, as a broken thing needing fixed- that trans people would recognize I'm part of the community and have no privilege over them. We are both hurt by the same bigotry, the same bigots, I just want community and to belong. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to find my forever people, friends and love, make the family I never got to have.

Does anyone have any advice for what I can do in my situation in regards to attempting to date? Or am I a lost cause?

This site has become my way to scream into the void, I guess, I'm sorry I'm so depressing.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months in the past couple weeks. He’s been really moody. I’m not sure what it is. I’ve asked him about it. I’ve explained that it’s making me feel down because he won’t explain and I feel useless as a girlfriend. The other day we were on call (luckily) as we haven’t called for a couple days and he was still upset so of course me being people pleaser I tried to make him laugh. I said that I was gonna hack and do school frame and spy on the campus cameras, (this is how we don’t take it seriously I would never do something like that) and he went into full detail of why I wasn’t gonna, and I told him that it was just a joke and that I was sorry. And then I said jokingly “you hate me, don’t you?” And he replied with “yeah, who wouldn’t hate a sensitive bitch like you” and I paused for almost 5 straight minutes wondering if you really said that or if I was just insane. he tried saying that he was just being sarcastic and that he didn’t mean it like that, but he yelled at me and I managed to squeeze out a “oh. Sorry.” And I hung up and cried myself myself to sleep. Ever since then he’s been really moody and I can’t even explain how different he is right now. I feel like he’s just lust. He only ever text me when he’s in a mood or when he wants something from me. I’m pretty much carrying the entire emotional relationship against me and him and just about a couple hours ago, he told me that he was cutting himself. I told him I wasn’t gonna be sensitive anymore. I told him to tell me what was going on as he wasn’t talking to me about anything and would just brush it off. I told him that I feel useless as a girlfriend. Which I really do. And how if he can’t talk to me who would he talk to my acknowledging? I am the only person ever talk to unless he’s hiding someone from me or people. I’ve told him I need to know that he can trust me and if he can’t, then I don’t know if we should be together anymore and I just asked him if he was gonna leave me because he has been showing no interest in me unless it’s for lust. I also feel like my body doesn’t excite him anymore. He’s really dry and always asked me to do something different and in person, he’s only ever talked about having sex. Never holding hands, never hugging never nothing only lust. I have told him that I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes. I don’t think he realized what I meant. I’ve tried everything to do to go see him and he refuses to come see me even though he has nothing holding him back. Just he doesn’t want to. AITA for telling him that I don’t think he’s caring enough about me when I care too much about him? Even if he is in a bad place right now I still wanna feel special. I wanna feel loved. I’ve had my ups and downs and even I still push things away to comfort him. I feel like I’m giving up too much for him.

Just to vent lol. Read if you wish. But i would.like your opinion if you can.

Everytime a relative or a cousin goes through their last year of high-school or entrance exam, my mum needs to bring up how I did badly in them, which tbh was not even that bad. I scored 90% in school but that's "bad" compared to what they were expecting. We are indians for some context. I am literally in 3rd yr of uni but my mom keeps bringing it up.

Because I did my high-school during covid and it was all online, I couldn't keep up with it and the pressure was insane that I just stopped studying. I lived with them and honestly I was so tired everyday. Ofcourse you couldn't really "see" anything, I acted like I was studying while I cheated on every internal exam because she kept asking to see the rank. It got so worse that everyday I would go to sleep hoping to not wake up the next day. I had 0 positivity towards life and I just wouldn't do anything. I only decided to start studying like the last 2 months of high-school which was why I have the marks I have but obviously couldn't get the entrance.

Now my cousin is going to take the exam and their parents have no expectations on her. I told my parents that my cousin can score more than what her parents expect because its not that hard. Obviously my mistake.

Then they asked me why I couldn't get it then since they sent me for special coaching and everything. I said I was a different case and I was too homesick [literally the first thing that came to my head cuz I did live like 6 months in the last year of high-school at a relatives house and this was also one of the factors].

Her immediate response was to laugh and then say it was not true. Then she asked if so, why I wasn't homesick when I went to uni or what happened in the year I was home when I lived with them.

I refused to tell her and she just believes that I just wasted time because I spent all my time watching movies.

I dont want to open this can of worms and tell her how pressured I was to get a good score thst I completely stopped studying and has been passively suicidal since then. Not one day since my high-school have I woken up thinking today will be a good day or I am happy to live today.

I have my happy moments and I don't show it a lot obviously but not a day passes by where I wish my life will have a stop hahah

But ik that if I tell her this she will just laugh at me call me weak willed or that I am acting.

I dont want to tell them the real reason cuz i don't want to put them through that but honestly she will never even understand it. Anytime I try to tell anything she just shut me down and act like I am just over reacting and it doesn't exist. Then she has the audacity to ask why I never told her these things.

Like yes, u put so much pressure on your child they wished they did not live a single day extra and you want them to come tell you this so you can laugh in their face and shut down their feelings?

Bohoo cry me a river

hello. I honestly am writing this to just vent. I don't have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this.

I have two best friends. They are my only friends really. I have known them since I can remember, our families are all friends.

I am 22 and all I have known my whole life is that they are my best friends.

I won't go into detail but our friendship has had its ups and downs over the years; largely to do with being left out and ignored, them mad when i would attempt to make other friends or even just talk to people they wanted to be friends with, them keeping things from me and gossiping.

Don't get me wrong we have also had amazing memories made. Them and their families feel like my own relatives and are such prominent people in my life. I honestly can't imagine having grown up without them. And I have so much gratitude towards them for making my youth so memorable and important.

Recently one of my friends got married and the other is engaged. I however have never been in a relationship or anything romantic at all.

My friends are drifting away from me. I will try and organise to spend time with them which they will either ignore or say they want to then never follow through. I find out weeks later that they spend a lot of time together just them. I live just over an hour away so I just always tell myself it's just cause it's harder for me to go to them and them to come to me. But lately they just don't tell me anything. I am constantly updating them about my life and asking them and trying for them to tell me about theirs but they don't say anything just a casual 'all good'

I can feel myself chipping away and I feel so alone. I'm not close to my siblings for certain reasons and the only parent that cares about me is my mum.

I've dedicated my whole life into trying to be the best friend for them and now I'm realising that I have no one else. They are pulling away from me and have each other and their other friends. I'm all on my own.

Ive asked them before if I am doing anything to upset them or make them not want to be friends with me. They constantly tell me that im sweet and kind and I'm their bestest friend.

So I just don't understand how or why they put no effort to stay friends with me. I'm tired of being the only one who seems to care about our friendship. I dont want to end our friendship though because they mean so much to me and I don't want to be alone. But I don't know how to keep going like this.

Constantly feeling unwanted and unneeded.