Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 82

My confession.

Well

I’m 14, newly 14. I recently have had a baby. Titus, is what I named him, no one knows. No one thinks that he’s mine, I’ve been just saying he’s my mom’s, she’s absolutely pissed about it but she loves him. I just cant hold it in, telling people he’s not my baby and that I feel the longer I tell people he’s not mine the more he will think that I’m not his mother. I refused to stay at the hospital for the 3 days because I would’ve missed school and it would’ve been suspicious. So I went, literally eating pain medicine for lunch and breakfast. I have to pump everyday before and after school, I do this because He is tongue tied and breastfeeding him is difficult. The father doesn’t know yet, and I don’t think he ever will. What do I do?

My friend emailed me. She said she was sorry for existing. HSe aiahd tahst she was s4roy for burdening ne= with her problems, that sh e should deal with them in her own, and if she wants strong enough to deal with it sh e doesn't deserve to live

I read it and my hands are still shaking, atp the onelyc reson my typing is somweehat good is because eayutpcorredct. I fel like I did something, and i also feel horrihble for not being able to cyr. I told her this:

You don't need to feel sorry for existing. I love you, Angel, and I would never want you to die. (btw im sorry if the typuing is messy myt hands are shaking ereally bad as uinmn typing thisw.s') Your existence wasnt a mistake, whe2ther yoyu think so otr not. I;m struggling to find the word sto say here, but I don't wnzt youu to disappear. I know i have iother firneds but none of thema re as funny or kind as you, or as willing to give me a hug when I;m sad, and none of tehm would ever be able to fill the hole you'd leave behinmd if you were to die. Everysing le on eof my firned are special to me, you icluded. If you have problems, I wnt to help you. Dont think youre beurdening me, i wnat to help, i like helping and i defo9nitley dont wnat you to die. Theres nothing wrong with asking for help. but if despie all i said, if you do die... just know i'll nevr forget you. You ARE loved no matter what you may think.

Idk if i helped ir made things worde, she hasnt repsnded yet. I feel so horrihble.

SOOOOOOOOOOO recently, my friendgroup has split into kinda two "halves", the Kpop fans and what I tend to call The Freaky Peeps. We're all still really good friends, it's just people stick with their respective halves rather than hang out a lot with the other half. it's just kinda the way we naturally split the friendgroup since it's so big.

I "belong" to the Kpop half of the group, and in our half, we pretty much simp over every single guy in the Kpop universe (Han from SKZ is literally SO cute, change my mind!), and The Freaky Peeps just ignore our fangirling (or, in one case, fanboying) and do their own thing, which we don't pay much attention to.

My best friend, K, is on the other half of the friendgroup, and he sees my crushes on Kpop guys as really weird. He calls me "parasocial" a lot, whatever that means, and today, we were having one of those goofy friend arguments and he actually said, "At least I don't simp over real people!" and I didn't show it but it actually hurt a bit. It felt like he was judging me, like he was saying "Oh, this is different from me, so it's weird and therefore wrong" and I know he didn't mean it like that but I just can't help but feel like he did. And now, sitting in homeroom a few minutes after he said that, I feel like he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

I would talk to him about it, but I've never been good at communicating my feelings and I'm scared that if I tell him how I feel about this I might accidentally reveal my trust and abandonment issues and that's the last thing I want him to know about. I just don't want him to worry. Also, I don't want our friendship to end over this.

Another thing: I feel like he only really complains over MY crushes on Kpop guys, not any of the other Kpop fans'. Like I'M the only one he sees to be a problem.

While I do love K (platonically), it's really starting to piss me off how much he judges me. I actually don't judge him as much as he's ever judged me. He's constantly commenting on something I'm doing, or someone I like, or a fandom I'm in. The closest I get to judging him is when he was OBSESSED with Dandy's World and I said, "You know, I actually genuinely hate this game" because I thought he cared more about his stupid Brightney mastery or Vee or whatever than me.

He's also made me mad in other ways: He doesn't know when to back down from a fight. Metaphorically and literally. He picks fights without even thinking about what he's saying, and when someone tries to start something with him, he bites the bait and makes the situation worse. He's gotten so many detention hours for it and no matter how many times I tell him "Just ignore them, they'll go away, don't respond to them" he just never listens, saying that he'd rather stand up than stand down but he doesn't know that sometimes, it's best to stand down.

He also defies the rules even more than I do, which is *SERIOUSLY* saying something. He's also gotten a fair share of his detention hours from that as well.

I love K with all my heart but I'm honestly wondering two things: whether he's going to stop being my friend, and whether or not our friendship is even the best thing for me.

ok so like i don’t even kno what happened. one day he was all sweet n talkin to me in class, laughin at my dumb jokes, sayin good morning on snap, just bein cute n stuff... and now? it’s like i don’t even exist. he don’t look at me, don’t reply, don’t even open my messages sometimes. i keep re-readin our convos like, did i say somethin wrong?? was i weird?? was i too much?? i swear i been thinkin about it nonstop and it’s makin me feel like i’m goin crazy. we used to talk every day and now it's just silence. and it hurts way more than i thought it would. i didn’t even realize how much i liked him until he started actin like i was invisible. like bruh what changed???

he was the first boy who made me feel kinda special, u kno? not like those fake boys who just wanna mess around. he actually listened to me, asked me about my day, remembered the lil things i said. he used to sit by me at lunch, even helped me with math one time (even tho he lowkey sucks at math lol). i thought it meant something, fr. like we had a thing, even if it wasn’t official or whatever. nd now it’s like he flipped a switch. i saw him talkin to some other girl the other day and he smiled at her in that same way he used to smile at me and ngl, it felt like a punch in the stomach. i told myself i wouldn’t catch feelings but i did and now here i am, listenin to sad songs like a dummy n tryna not to cry in front of ppl.

i asked my friends what i should do n they all said stuff like “forget him” or “he’s not worth it” but that don’t help. i don’t wanna just forget him. i wanna understand what i did wrong. like, was i too boring? too clingy? not pretty enough? it’s messin with my head. every time my phone lights up i hope it’s him but it never is. i be dreamin about him textin me like “hey sorry i was busy” or “i miss u” but it never happens. just more silence. and the worst part? i still like him. i still wanna talk to him. and i hate that. why do i care so much about someone who clearly don’t care about me anymore?

i keep tryna tell myself that if someone can just stop talkin to u like that, they were never really yours in the first place. but it don’t make it hurt any less. i miss how it felt when we were vibin, when i thought maybe, just maybe, this boy actually liked me for me. now i feel dumb. like i made it all up in my head or somethin. maybe he got bored. maybe he found someone better. maybe he never liked me at all. i dunno. but what i do kno is that bein ignored like this sucks. it makes u feel small. invisible. like u don’t even matter. and i’m tryna move on, i swear i am. but it’s hard when the only person u wanna hear from is the one who won’t even look at u. so yeah... why is he ignoring me? i wish i knew. i really do.

Life is kind of a shitty tragedy story. At least in books, the tragic characters have something, super-powers, wealth, fame, family, something to lose at least.

When I moved to a whole new province with my partner, I knew things would be hard, but I was always the hopeful type. "Maybe we'll have to only eat cup noodles for a long time, but everything will work out in the end!

He's a smart and hardworking guy, I'm a reliable girl, there's no way we'll be in financial trouble for long."

His visa is slowly expiring and he hasn't found any job. I got laid off from the only job I could find as they lacked hours to give.

Credit card maxxed out for me, family won't help him for much longer for him.

I wish I only had to worry about not being able to afford my phone bill, but unless my boyfriend finds a job in the next 2 months, he'll go back to where he's from, and I'll be stranded and homeless, on the other side of a country from my family.

I may be complaining for nothing here, my parents may help me move back in with them, but the shame will be insufferable.

I did everything right, I've always been a good person. I tried to be nice, caring and hardworking. I went to employment agencies, I gave résumés in places I'd rather die than work at, I've taken care of my hygiene and the apartment's, I've kept hope over and over, but there's only so much hope left to give.

I'll go back to my parents and be safe sure, but at what cost. I'll be a shell of myself, dead inside, ashamed and unable to try to live for myself ever again, and with credit card debt on top of that.

Tw eating disorders:

I've been talking to this guy for only a little bit but he seemed really nice and everything was going great. Hes really funny and we share the same humor but he made a joke about me that really bugged me. He made a joke calling me anorexic. I have really been struggling with self image issues for a while but I dont think he knows. The joke still really rubbed me the wrong way and I just keep thinking about it. Besides this hes been the perfect guy but I just cant seem to let this go. Am I over reacting?

Long vent.

I feel like a failure. I keep messing up on stuff other don't have any problems with. I want to do things but i can never meet my goals or reach what i want because i'm just so stupid and irresponsible. I keep procrastinating because I always feel so tired and in the end I can't do the things I have to nor the things I want to, because half the time i'm either hooked on my phone just scrolling and not really seeing things, bedrotting and hiding in my bed struggling to get up, or pacing around my house because I know I messed up, i don't know what to do first or how to do it and I just want to hide and start crying. I tried to set up routines or habits and then something happens and i mess It up and can't fix It anymore. And i hate when people go "OMG NO BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD. YOU DID REALLY GREAT." Because no? No i did not. I don't deserve that. I did that completly last minute because i'm an irresponsible child that says yes to everything automatically but can't be trusted anything and the only thing i want right now Is to hide under the covers for so long that people forget i I exist so i don't have to be ashamed anymore. "IT'S NOT THAT DEEP I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME" ok? Well i'm not. Because this Is Just the comfermation that i messed up again and all the work i put in to try to fix myself was for nothing and i can never do better because i'll always be stuck in the same circle for every single thing i do. And It's only a matter of time before you're just as dissapointed in me as i am. And yeah, maybe It's not that deep, but It's deep enough to make me realize i can never be better no matter how much i try.

Anywayyy that was too long, thanks for coming to my pep talk, (always wanted to say that), have a great day stranger ❤️

The house on the left was once owned by an old German lady who watched me when I was younger. She shouldn't have since she hated kids and was very strict and had her own way about her. She had old floral wallpapers and big fluffy carpets and doilies on all of her old, mostly wooden, furniture. The house was small and clean. She had a tin of these white powdery cookies that I remember I wished were different cookies but they were decent to eat. I was only allowed to have one because I was fat. I remember she didn't believe in toilet paper and She left a fan next to the toilet so that you could air dry yourself quickly. Once the fan was turned off she left a pretty metal container filled with scented powder and a giant puff to powder yourself. I remember that she did all of this for me.. Not only because I was little then but I think because she didn't like kids and she didn't trust me. She was always calling the police and she never slept. She would stand by her windows or doors, The windows and doors had bars over them but you could still see her curtains and also a figure watching from all hours of the day or night from the street. Apparently she fell asleep by the window in her chair and her hip locked up so she was there until someone noticed. Her son took her to Florida or something and sold the house to Arabs with BB guns.

The Arabs took shifts guarding their new house. Anytime a bird or a squirrel or some other kind of animal crossed into their property line they would shoot them with BB guns. They had many children who also had BB guns, the house was surrounded. After a while there were no animals in sight, they must have learned to stay away from that area.

I guess people noticed and complained or maybe they just got tired or ran out of bullets but they ended up selling the house to these Spanish people. I think they're Mexican, they sound Mexican.

For whatever reason these Mexicans ripped out and redesigned the whole house. I think the inside must be worse but the outside, at least the front of the house looks pretty good landscape and fence-wise but when I'm in my house I can see into their backyard from one of my windows... they have the "under the bridge" large type of rusty barrel that they light up at night. There's a few barrels out there. I guess when they moved in they knocked down a lot of trees but they never cleaned them up so now it looks like crap and giant wood rats run around when they're disturbed for whatever reason. Almost every night during the week at least one of them goes out there in the night and lights up the barrels, sitting outside and playing very loud mariachi. they never do it at 5:00 or 6:00, It's always at like 11:00 at night, you can feel the ground shake. The cops don't come anymore, I'd like to think it's because that house is permanently blacklisted thanks to the old lady who held up their lines all day, every day. That person is out there so often that now they have a festival tent out in place of a gazebo. I'm not sure if he's drunk and doing karaoke with himself DJ style into the mic or if every night there is someone's quinceanera, it's all in very fast Spanish.

My partner and I have been on and off for 4 years now. I have a lot of self-esteem issues and issues with mental health like, anxiety and depression. I tried to be honest and tell them that I'm not ready for a relationship as I'm not in the heads pace to ne good to myself or them, but they don't accept the breakup and we end up getting back together. It seems no matter what I say or do we end up back together for a bit until again I feel insecure and ready to end things. We live in the same small town and they are really close to my family. We share bills, but don't live together. I don't have a high paying job and can't afford a

i rlly dont even kno where to begin, it just feel like everytime i start 2 feel a lil bit ok again, BOOM something else hits me. like its a joke or sumthin, like life’s playin a game with me n im always the loser. i try 2 keep goin, i swear i do, but dang its hard when bad stuff jus keep stackin on top of eachother. one thing after another like i dont even get a break. first it was my grades droppin, then my best friend started ignorin me for no reason, then my dog got sick and now my mom nd me keep fightin all the time. its like i cant breathe. ppl be sayin “stay positive” but like how??? how do u stay positive when the world keep throwin crap at u over n over?

it aint like i dont try. i get up every day even when i dont wanna. i smile at ppl even when i feel like cryin. i go 2 school, do my homework (well, i try but my head be all over the place), i say sorry when im wrong, i be nice even when ppl rude, n still things just go bad. like no matter wat i do its never enough. nd i be lookin at other ppl who dont even try half as hard as me nd they gettin everything good. they got friends, they got money, they got happiness, n im just here like what the heck did i do wrong? i must of done something really bad in a past life or somethin cuz this cant just be normal. no one i kno got this much bad luck all the time.

sometimes it feel like i’m cursed or sumthin. like theres a cloud over my head that just follow me everywhere i go. i be scared 2 get happy now cuz every time i do somethin bad happens right after. its like the universe waitin for me to smile just so it can slap me again. nd ppl dont really get it. they’ll be like “you’re strong, you’ll get thru it” but they not me. they dont kno what it’s like wakin up every morning with a knot in ur stomach cuz u dont kno wat mess is gonna hit u next. i keep askin god or whoever’s up there like “why me?” but no answer. just more bad stuff. i dont even want big things. i just want peace. i just wanna have one week where nothing go wrong. that’s all. is that too much 2 ask?

i kno ppl got it worse, nd maybe that make me sound selfish or whatever but pain is pain. just cuz someone else got problems dont mean mine dont matter. i jus want 2 feel normal. i want 2 wake up and not feel dread. i want to smile and not fake it. i want friends who stay and family who understand. i want to believe that things gonna get better but when everything keep fallin apart over n over its hard 2 keep hope. but im still here, barely, but i am. maybe one day things will change. maybe not. but i’m tryin. even if the world keep throwin bad stuff at me, i’m still tryna stand. even if i’m broken, i’m still here. and i guess that mean something… right?

Loving someone who's frayromantic is not for the weak. I have this friend who's experiencing it right now, she's bisexual and the one she's courting is a lesbian. Everything's going well until one day, let's call my friend as "hannah" and the one she's courting as "kira". Kira confess to her that she fell out of love, it's not Hannah's fault it's just that she's frayromantic and when she gets close to someone she lost that spark with someone. And of course that totally broke Hannah's heart, I can the pain in her eyes as she try to understand kira. Hannah ask kira if they want to cut off but kira doesn't want to, so they still had communication and they're in the same school so they still see each other. Until after a few weeks when it's our last day of school, kira suddenly confess that she still has feelings for hannah. The day that kira told hannah that she fell out of love, after a few weeks she feels that something is missing and that's HANNAH. Now, when hannah heard that.. she couldn't process it that fast. She feels confuse but also happy?? She still has feelings for kira but maybe she's slowly accepting that they're just friends the day that there love story ends. After 1 week of thinking about it, hannah and kira made the decision to try it again. Hannah was really happy although the past still hunts her. Do you think kira will eventually fell out of love again?

So, I JUST performed at a convention with my dance team 4 hours ago. A member was unfortunately ill the day of, which meant reworking the formations and dance 2 HOURS before the performance to make it look more cohesive.

I love and am proud of my dancing journey, and how much I've improved over the years. My hard work has brought me to the point where I'm prided as "one of the best" in the group.

I had a member who once told me: '"If you of all people aren't able to nail the dance, who else would?"

I feel proud to be someone that my members view as "reliable" or as "an ace". It gives me confidence, and pushes me to work harder to fulfill those expectations. I always strive for a flawless, confident performance.

However, it has its drawbacks. My perfectionist tendencies and the pressure causes me to feel EXTREMELY depressed if I ever make a mistake.

In the performance we had today, my leader gave me the missing member's part and new formations to learn. During our last minute practices, everything went well and I thought I could handle it. I've done it before.

But on stage is a whole different ballgame because you're dealing with stage fright. After that, your focus is on fascinating the audience with your stage presence/expressions, which means relying on muscle memory for the dance.

I made AT LEAST 3 mistakes in there: I was in a wrong formation, I almost bumped into a member during her part, and I made up the missing member's part on the spot (because I couldn't remember what her gestures were). All of these were from the last minute changes we made.

What hurts even more I'd that I had coworkers and friends in the crowd who came to cheer me on. I also saw crowd cheering for me when I nailed a move, but I couldn't dare look them in the eyes when I felt myself messing up.

After the performance, I REALLY wanted to just hug someone and sulk quietly. But I didn't do that because I don't want my members to worry, make a big deal out of it, or for them to think that we did terrible.

For heaven's sake, I LOVE being at conventions. I'm a geek! It's one of my favourite places to be. I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I felt so upset and angry with myself. I couldn't stand putting a fake smile, pretending all was okay when I know I didn't perform at my best. Nor did I feel like enjoying the rest of the events or exploring the Artist Alley and merch, which is something I love doing.

So out of shame, I just left.

I know mistakes happen and I'll overcome this eventually, but I can't help but feel like I let my members, myself and everyone who cheered for me down.

I am the 2nd youngest in a family of 6 siblings. ik i can be somewhat clumsy and forgetfull. but that doesn't make it okay for my mother to predetermine my future. i have things i like. coding, architecture, arts, musics, throw me whatever i like, i will somehow able to cram and learn. but hello???? why you're forcing me to take artificial intelligence course like ur life depended on it???? i mean, there's a lot whole of other things that i can willingly pursue?? in fact, i also excell and honestly love chemistry and physics. sure sure ai will prevail in the future etc. but i swear to god, i have wide range of interest and you gotta force me to take something out of that range????? this is a silly story honestly. but still the way my mom talk stressed me??? also the fact that she started to talk shit bout my school??? you see, i am kinda admitted into a gifted school that measures ur iq etc etc. and she's saying like "oh you're not gifted, in fact, the students in ur school are mentally unstable. that's why you're blablabla because you're exposed to them" YE I KNOW. but why you gotta phrase it like that? it pisses me off so bad bcuz some of my friends, no honestly, most of my friends have adhd, polar etc etc mental unstability. in all honesty, they're all very good friends. its just that they have radical thoughts and way of thinking. but they truly make me learn goddamn lot of things. i love them. so don't shittalk them on my face!!!!! gaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

aight thats all from me :)

The house me and my mom live in with my grandparents is the most miserable place. It hurts me and my mom but she makes it hurt me, she's one of the reasons I have depression and suicidal thoughts and had attempted many times before and done S/H. In this house I feel like I can't be myself, I don't want to be myself because it just makes me feel dull and miserable. Crying in my room alone with no irl friends at all, not ones that talk to me and don't have motivation to keep up with hygiene or schoolwork. Crying about how everyone around me has a dad ans father figure while I have none to call my own

They say

You can heal

You will heal

What is the meaning of a scar

It never goes away

Truth is we never heal

We just turn what we're going through into a scar

And all our life we will attract broken

Things and find peace in them

Because we are going through the same thing

Learn to be in pain

Appreciate it