Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 80

Long vent.

I feel like a failure. I keep messing up on stuff other don't have any problems with. I want to do things but i can never meet my goals or reach what i want because i'm just so stupid and irresponsible. I keep procrastinating because I always feel so tired and in the end I can't do the things I have to nor the things I want to, because half the time i'm either hooked on my phone just scrolling and not really seeing things, bedrotting and hiding in my bed struggling to get up, or pacing around my house because I know I messed up, i don't know what to do first or how to do it and I just want to hide and start crying. I tried to set up routines or habits and then something happens and i mess It up and can't fix It anymore. And i hate when people go "OMG NO BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD. YOU DID REALLY GREAT." Because no? No i did not. I don't deserve that. I did that completly last minute because i'm an irresponsible child that says yes to everything automatically but can't be trusted anything and the only thing i want right now Is to hide under the covers for so long that people forget i I exist so i don't have to be ashamed anymore. "IT'S NOT THAT DEEP I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME" ok? Well i'm not. Because this Is Just the comfermation that i messed up again and all the work i put in to try to fix myself was for nothing and i can never do better because i'll always be stuck in the same circle for every single thing i do. And It's only a matter of time before you're just as dissapointed in me as i am. And yeah, maybe It's not that deep, but It's deep enough to make me realize i can never be better no matter how much i try.

Anywayyy that was too long, thanks for coming to my pep talk, (always wanted to say that), have a great day stranger ❤️

The house on the left was once owned by an old German lady who watched me when I was younger. She shouldn't have since she hated kids and was very strict and had her own way about her. She had old floral wallpapers and big fluffy carpets and doilies on all of her old, mostly wooden, furniture. The house was small and clean. She had a tin of these white powdery cookies that I remember I wished were different cookies but they were decent to eat. I was only allowed to have one because I was fat. I remember she didn't believe in toilet paper and She left a fan next to the toilet so that you could air dry yourself quickly. Once the fan was turned off she left a pretty metal container filled with scented powder and a giant puff to powder yourself. I remember that she did all of this for me.. Not only because I was little then but I think because she didn't like kids and she didn't trust me. She was always calling the police and she never slept. She would stand by her windows or doors, The windows and doors had bars over them but you could still see her curtains and also a figure watching from all hours of the day or night from the street. Apparently she fell asleep by the window in her chair and her hip locked up so she was there until someone noticed. Her son took her to Florida or something and sold the house to Arabs with BB guns.

The Arabs took shifts guarding their new house. Anytime a bird or a squirrel or some other kind of animal crossed into their property line they would shoot them with BB guns. They had many children who also had BB guns, the house was surrounded. After a while there were no animals in sight, they must have learned to stay away from that area.

I guess people noticed and complained or maybe they just got tired or ran out of bullets but they ended up selling the house to these Spanish people. I think they're Mexican, they sound Mexican.

For whatever reason these Mexicans ripped out and redesigned the whole house. I think the inside must be worse but the outside, at least the front of the house looks pretty good landscape and fence-wise but when I'm in my house I can see into their backyard from one of my windows... they have the "under the bridge" large type of rusty barrel that they light up at night. There's a few barrels out there. I guess when they moved in they knocked down a lot of trees but they never cleaned them up so now it looks like crap and giant wood rats run around when they're disturbed for whatever reason. Almost every night during the week at least one of them goes out there in the night and lights up the barrels, sitting outside and playing very loud mariachi. they never do it at 5:00 or 6:00, It's always at like 11:00 at night, you can feel the ground shake. The cops don't come anymore, I'd like to think it's because that house is permanently blacklisted thanks to the old lady who held up their lines all day, every day. That person is out there so often that now they have a festival tent out in place of a gazebo. I'm not sure if he's drunk and doing karaoke with himself DJ style into the mic or if every night there is someone's quinceanera, it's all in very fast Spanish.

My partner and I have been on and off for 4 years now. I have a lot of self-esteem issues and issues with mental health like, anxiety and depression. I tried to be honest and tell them that I'm not ready for a relationship as I'm not in the heads pace to ne good to myself or them, but they don't accept the breakup and we end up getting back together. It seems no matter what I say or do we end up back together for a bit until again I feel insecure and ready to end things. We live in the same small town and they are really close to my family. We share bills, but don't live together. I don't have a high paying job and can't afford a

i rlly dont even kno where to begin, it just feel like everytime i start 2 feel a lil bit ok again, BOOM something else hits me. like its a joke or sumthin, like life’s playin a game with me n im always the loser. i try 2 keep goin, i swear i do, but dang its hard when bad stuff jus keep stackin on top of eachother. one thing after another like i dont even get a break. first it was my grades droppin, then my best friend started ignorin me for no reason, then my dog got sick and now my mom nd me keep fightin all the time. its like i cant breathe. ppl be sayin “stay positive” but like how??? how do u stay positive when the world keep throwin crap at u over n over?

it aint like i dont try. i get up every day even when i dont wanna. i smile at ppl even when i feel like cryin. i go 2 school, do my homework (well, i try but my head be all over the place), i say sorry when im wrong, i be nice even when ppl rude, n still things just go bad. like no matter wat i do its never enough. nd i be lookin at other ppl who dont even try half as hard as me nd they gettin everything good. they got friends, they got money, they got happiness, n im just here like what the heck did i do wrong? i must of done something really bad in a past life or somethin cuz this cant just be normal. no one i kno got this much bad luck all the time.

sometimes it feel like i’m cursed or sumthin. like theres a cloud over my head that just follow me everywhere i go. i be scared 2 get happy now cuz every time i do somethin bad happens right after. its like the universe waitin for me to smile just so it can slap me again. nd ppl dont really get it. they’ll be like “you’re strong, you’ll get thru it” but they not me. they dont kno what it’s like wakin up every morning with a knot in ur stomach cuz u dont kno wat mess is gonna hit u next. i keep askin god or whoever’s up there like “why me?” but no answer. just more bad stuff. i dont even want big things. i just want peace. i just wanna have one week where nothing go wrong. that’s all. is that too much 2 ask?

i kno ppl got it worse, nd maybe that make me sound selfish or whatever but pain is pain. just cuz someone else got problems dont mean mine dont matter. i jus want 2 feel normal. i want 2 wake up and not feel dread. i want to smile and not fake it. i want friends who stay and family who understand. i want to believe that things gonna get better but when everything keep fallin apart over n over its hard 2 keep hope. but im still here, barely, but i am. maybe one day things will change. maybe not. but i’m tryin. even if the world keep throwin bad stuff at me, i’m still tryna stand. even if i’m broken, i’m still here. and i guess that mean something… right?

Loving someone who's frayromantic is not for the weak. I have this friend who's experiencing it right now, she's bisexual and the one she's courting is a lesbian. Everything's going well until one day, let's call my friend as "hannah" and the one she's courting as "kira". Kira confess to her that she fell out of love, it's not Hannah's fault it's just that she's frayromantic and when she gets close to someone she lost that spark with someone. And of course that totally broke Hannah's heart, I can the pain in her eyes as she try to understand kira. Hannah ask kira if they want to cut off but kira doesn't want to, so they still had communication and they're in the same school so they still see each other. Until after a few weeks when it's our last day of school, kira suddenly confess that she still has feelings for hannah. The day that kira told hannah that she fell out of love, after a few weeks she feels that something is missing and that's HANNAH. Now, when hannah heard that.. she couldn't process it that fast. She feels confuse but also happy?? She still has feelings for kira but maybe she's slowly accepting that they're just friends the day that there love story ends. After 1 week of thinking about it, hannah and kira made the decision to try it again. Hannah was really happy although the past still hunts her. Do you think kira will eventually fell out of love again?

So, I JUST performed at a convention with my dance team 4 hours ago. A member was unfortunately ill the day of, which meant reworking the formations and dance 2 HOURS before the performance to make it look more cohesive.

I love and am proud of my dancing journey, and how much I've improved over the years. My hard work has brought me to the point where I'm prided as "one of the best" in the group.

I had a member who once told me: '"If you of all people aren't able to nail the dance, who else would?"

I feel proud to be someone that my members view as "reliable" or as "an ace". It gives me confidence, and pushes me to work harder to fulfill those expectations. I always strive for a flawless, confident performance.

However, it has its drawbacks. My perfectionist tendencies and the pressure causes me to feel EXTREMELY depressed if I ever make a mistake.

In the performance we had today, my leader gave me the missing member's part and new formations to learn. During our last minute practices, everything went well and I thought I could handle it. I've done it before.

But on stage is a whole different ballgame because you're dealing with stage fright. After that, your focus is on fascinating the audience with your stage presence/expressions, which means relying on muscle memory for the dance.

I made AT LEAST 3 mistakes in there: I was in a wrong formation, I almost bumped into a member during her part, and I made up the missing member's part on the spot (because I couldn't remember what her gestures were). All of these were from the last minute changes we made.

What hurts even more I'd that I had coworkers and friends in the crowd who came to cheer me on. I also saw crowd cheering for me when I nailed a move, but I couldn't dare look them in the eyes when I felt myself messing up.

After the performance, I REALLY wanted to just hug someone and sulk quietly. But I didn't do that because I don't want my members to worry, make a big deal out of it, or for them to think that we did terrible.

For heaven's sake, I LOVE being at conventions. I'm a geek! It's one of my favourite places to be. I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I felt so upset and angry with myself. I couldn't stand putting a fake smile, pretending all was okay when I know I didn't perform at my best. Nor did I feel like enjoying the rest of the events or exploring the Artist Alley and merch, which is something I love doing.

So out of shame, I just left.

I know mistakes happen and I'll overcome this eventually, but I can't help but feel like I let my members, myself and everyone who cheered for me down.

I am the 2nd youngest in a family of 6 siblings. ik i can be somewhat clumsy and forgetfull. but that doesn't make it okay for my mother to predetermine my future. i have things i like. coding, architecture, arts, musics, throw me whatever i like, i will somehow able to cram and learn. but hello???? why you're forcing me to take artificial intelligence course like ur life depended on it???? i mean, there's a lot whole of other things that i can willingly pursue?? in fact, i also excell and honestly love chemistry and physics. sure sure ai will prevail in the future etc. but i swear to god, i have wide range of interest and you gotta force me to take something out of that range????? this is a silly story honestly. but still the way my mom talk stressed me??? also the fact that she started to talk shit bout my school??? you see, i am kinda admitted into a gifted school that measures ur iq etc etc. and she's saying like "oh you're not gifted, in fact, the students in ur school are mentally unstable. that's why you're blablabla because you're exposed to them" YE I KNOW. but why you gotta phrase it like that? it pisses me off so bad bcuz some of my friends, no honestly, most of my friends have adhd, polar etc etc mental unstability. in all honesty, they're all very good friends. its just that they have radical thoughts and way of thinking. but they truly make me learn goddamn lot of things. i love them. so don't shittalk them on my face!!!!! gaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

aight thats all from me :)

The house me and my mom live in with my grandparents is the most miserable place. It hurts me and my mom but she makes it hurt me, she's one of the reasons I have depression and suicidal thoughts and had attempted many times before and done S/H. In this house I feel like I can't be myself, I don't want to be myself because it just makes me feel dull and miserable. Crying in my room alone with no irl friends at all, not ones that talk to me and don't have motivation to keep up with hygiene or schoolwork. Crying about how everyone around me has a dad ans father figure while I have none to call my own

They say

You can heal

You will heal

What is the meaning of a scar

It never goes away

Truth is we never heal

We just turn what we're going through into a scar

And all our life we will attract broken

Things and find peace in them

Because we are going through the same thing

Learn to be in pain

Appreciate it

I am going through something ryt now

My clothes are stolen

All these emotions came flowing into my life 😪

Yeah

At the end of the day I know life is not about being happy at all times

But the question is

why me ??

That's the question

Okay fine

You had to go through it in life

It just concludes that we came her to suffer

if I say I don't deserve this

Who do I think deserved it

But I have been going through a lot tlhe already

I am tired 😫

Noo

Look at the good things too

Yeah

They are good cause they came after I struggled

My first bond with my mom came after I thought she didn't care about me

I am in tertiary

That's cause I had to read for it

Okay God was around paving the way

And I want him to continue 😢

I need him 😩 to keep me strong

Cause at this point

Now I know I have to go through bad things

I have to feel I am not worth it

I have to grow up without a father,

I have to not trust men

For the rest of my life

I have to believe I don't deserve

Cause when it comes

I feel I can't be too happy

I mean I am used to feeling all this

It feels weird when things go smoothly

I am not complaining or anything 😏

I just wanna acknowledge that

It had to be me

If not me

Then who

It's life

That's why I am listening to sad songs now acknowledging the fact that I am hurt and there's nothing I can do about it 💔 😔

Is it wrong to be happy??

ok so like YES I definitely wanna make money not only bc I wanna spend it on what I want to spend on but also like I WANNA GET AWAY FROM MY PARENTSSS Okk like ofc ive looked online. Sooo like but I’m tryna get into digital marketing so selling products online? But my problem is what are ONLINE products people actually want ?? abd where to sell ? (But tbh ive got an idea on how to do that ) Okk so i wanna use my PayPal account for money but with how strict PayPal is w minors broo I might lose all my money😭🙏 so any suggestions?? So I was also considering yt but it gonna take A WHILE before I get 1k subs AND I gotta get views. The only ive actually made is from survey WHICH TAKE LIKE A MONTH TO DO BRO . (But altleast it’s something ❤️‍🩹) Okk so like the ‘grownups’ or literally someone in my situation that wants to make money young so any advice?? Like about digital marketing or literally anything else?

Ok but back to my parents tho LIKE I WANNA MOVE OUT WHEN I CAN BUTTT like wgen I do make money I cane across a video about u actually have to pay taxes even when online. BRO IDK HOW TO FLIPPING DO THAT LIKE AND IF I GET MAIL MY PARENTS ARE SURE TO FIND OUT. Also like I’m an immigrant, so if imma move out what’s gonna happen like how would things work out?? I’m not very educated on visas😭

Hi, I'm A. I'm a pretty good student. I live in a small town. The story I'm about to tell you happened today, a few hours ago.

I'll start with the fact, today my brother is hosting a birthday party for his friends. I was supposed to help with the preparations and stay to help him serve the people. I had a movie planned with my friend, and I helped before it. But I didn't tell my parents about the fact that we would be going to McDonald's afterwards. My friend and I were obviously very happy when we went to the cinema to see it. It was fine. Now, it was time for McDonald's: unfortunately, it was far from our town, so it was kind of a bummer cause we had to go by bike. I had notifications turned off. Once we arrrived, the queue was so long we waited like 10 minutes. The entire time I was watching the time and getting a little nervous. It was 16:40 once we got our food, I had to be in my house at 16:30... But it was too late to turn back now. Honestly, I wish I told her I have to go back home, but now it's too late. Once I finished eating, I went to the bathroom at 17:17 where upon I saw 3 missed calls from my mother, so I messaged her 'I just finished my movie'. Then we rode back to our house, laughing. I came home. My father was waiting by the door, saying my mother went to their friends to wash (the water isn't fine at the moment). He said she was waiting since 16:00. Panic kicks in. He asks me if I wanna go to her. I don't answer but grab a towel and some shampoo and he drives me there. My mother is by the fence because apparently their water's turned off. My mother yelled at me, saying she waited for two hours (it was 17:40) to go with me to their friends. Then we drove back home. The party was gonna start at 18:00. She asked me why didn't I tell them. I said 'I don't know" and she continued. She ahd every right to be mad at me, so I kept being mute. My stupidity went through the roof and I knew it. I blocked my friend because she said she was gonna beat me to death once I was back in school. I hate me. Now I have to help him. I just wanna cry my face off. I was also supposed to go to a sleepover at her house... Now I can't because it's my fault.

I hate it. I just want to kms. But I feel like that's a waste, and that's my second time where I lied and didn't get away with it.

I don’t think I’m capable of thinking rationally. I’ve been in an almost six-year relationship, but should I stop counting? Where do I even start? I guess I should begin with the time he entertained another girl during my father’s funeral. I asked him why he did that to me, and he told me he didn’t know what he was doing. He also said that, during that day, he saw our roommate and came to his senses, sending the girl away. I find his reasons unacceptable even now.

Then, he told me that he lost the spark in our relationship. I understand, since we are human, and everyone has their own circumstances in life. Gradually, I lost it too. I started the breakup, but I couldn’t bear being away from him. After everything that happened, we talked. He cried, and I told him that we could make the relationship work again, but he said he didn’t know. We live together now, but without labels. I stopped asking if we could make it work because we’re both busy, especially since we’re in our last year of college.

Even though we’re together, I’ve gradually lost the sense of safety I once felt when I first met him. Yet, there’s still something inside me that wants to hold on to him. We’re together, but he can’t call me by name, he doesn’t express that he loves me, and he never talks about making this relationship work again. I have a plan in my mind to leave him after graduation. Why? Because I’m his only support in his chaotic world. I’ve always considered his situation. He’s still so good to me, taking care of me, cooking for me. But in the process, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know what to do anymore.

He’s my first in everything. I know some of you might laugh at how bad my choices are, but I think it’s a fierce battle between my mind and my heart that refuses to accept it.

im 11, and its tiring. im chinese born in australia. sometimes i want to rip my hair out. Why? because the ASAT exists. The asat is the most competitive exam for year 6's. its in 29 days and im stressed. its like my life revolves around the asat. im tired. studying is hell. when i ACTUALLY study my parents get mad at for studying. like they keep saying that im not studying and basically unmotivate me. its like when u wanna put away the dishes without being told, but then ur parents tell u to. LIKE ITS SO FRICKEN ANNOYING. it keeps happening over and over. i jst waste more time crying and wondering what i did wrong to deserve this. its tiring honestly

sometimes it really feels like no one even sees me, like i’m just some background noise in my own house. my parents are always busy yellin at each other or complainin about bills or stressin over stuff that i guess matters to them but like, never once do they ask how i’m doin. not even a simple “you okay?” or “how was your day?” it’s like they don’t even remember i exist unless it’s to tell me to do chores or turn the music down. i come home from school, go straight to my room, and that’s it. dinner is usually silent, if we even eat together at all. nd if i say something, they either ignore me or act like i’m bein dramatic. like bro, sorry i have feelings?? and my little sister gets all the attention too, like if she even sneezes mom rushes over like it’s the end of the world, but if i say i’m tired or sad, i just get told to stop being lazy. like wow thanks, that really helps.

at school it ain’t much better either. i got a few people i talk to but it’s not like real friends. more like people i sit near in class and joke with sometimes, but no one who really knows me. i don’t got that one friend who texts first or checks in or invites me to stuff. most weekends i just sit in my room scrollin on my phone while watchin the same shows over and over. nd sometimes i post stuff online hopin someone will comment or like it just so i feel like i’m not totally invisible. but most the time it’s just silence. everyone says “reach out” if you’re strugglin, but like… reach out to who?? the people who already don’t notice me? my parents who only care when i mess up? sometimes i just wanna scream like HELLO I’M HERE, but i already know it wouldn’t matter.

i try to act normal at school, smile and joke around so no one thinks anything’s wrong. but inside i’m just tired. tired of feeling like i don’t matter. tired of pretendin like it’s all fine. nd i kno people got it worse, i do, but that doesn’t make my feelings fake. i just want someone to care. like really care. not just when it’s convenient or when they want somethin from me. i don’t need big speeches or anything, just someone to say “i see you.” someone to sit with me even if we don’t talk. cuz right now it just feels like i’m floatin through life, watchin everyone else live while i’m stuck in this loop where nothin changes. maybe one day it’ll get better, maybe i’ll get outta this place, find people who make me feel like i matter. but right now? it feels like no one cares about me. and honestly… maybe they never did.