Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 45

All my life, been waging war in my mind, been waiting for something right, been waiting for sun to shine. Apathy, the friend of my enemy. Another blind visionary. I never cry, but I bleed. Tell me, what does it feel like to feel anything again? I know that it takes time, but this never ends, and I'm starting to realize: The glass half empty's been just a way to be baptized in the taste of your own medicine. Don't tell mom. Tell her it's just a song. Tell her I'm holding on. I'm sorry I missed her call. What this wasn't what I wanted? Can I return the life I've started? Just 14 years, and I'm exhausted. Guess we're calling this normal. Tell me, what does it feel like to feel anything again? I know that it takes time, but this never ends, and I'm starting to realize: The glass half empty's been just a way to be baptized in the taste of your own medicine. And I call it a cry for help. You call it song lyrics. But as long as I force a smile, I guess we'll just ignore it. I just hope that someday, someone will love me.

Back in 2018 I was dating this guy he was 2 years above me in high school I was 12 and he was 14 and things were going really well between us I really loved him (so I thought)looking back on it now it wasn’t love, so after a couple of weeks he introduced me to sexting and I just thought it was a game, but then it turned into weekly games and then touching was creeping its way into it, he kept touching me and I told him to stop it but he carried it on anyway on multiple occasions, at this point it had been going on for over 2 months but then it took a toll and he then started blackmailing me saying if I told anyone what he did he would leak my nudes to my family and friends and completely embarrass me , it was Christmas time 2018 and i caught him cheating on me and he ended things because he didn’t like me no more, at this point i was sobbing my heart out and then in January 2019 i finally broke down in tears in front of my mum and i told her what happened, we went to the police station and told them what happened and they said unfortunately we can’t do nothing more because he is autistic and you haven’t got enough evidence, from that day on I could still feel his hands on me in the shower, in bed, out in public I hated it, I went to this place called RASA they help you with ptsd from r@pe and trauma abuse, yes I got the help I needed but it still haunts me every single day and I still get nightmares and flashbacks because even tho it was a long time ago it never goes away, but one thing I really wish I had done is, I found the clothes I was wearing each time it happened and I wish I had took them to the police station and then maybe I would have gotten my justice

2024, it was at the time when school was ending. I put on my school uniform: Socks, t-shirt, skirt and a bright red cardigan before brushing my hair in the mirror. I hated how I looked, it was hideous, but at least the school year was about to end! I walk into my classroom there wasn't much to do since all of our lessons are basically over I would go over to my two friends, I wasn't so fond of the other. Actually I hated her, she bullied me for 4 years and expects me to be her friend? The other is the one I absolutely adore they're just so perfect! I sit down with them but I can feel the one I hate (nickname: CM) hand go down to touch my thigh, it was a light touch but I thought nothing of it. But soon the thigh touching would get more and more aggressive, frequent and more up my thigh. I thought I was free from that uncomfortableness when the school holidays hit but once we got back into school things escalated more and at break CM said to me "Let me touch your b00bs 5 times and I'll give you my blade" CM knew about my self harm and used it to bribe me, I said no at first but soon enough she persuaded me to do it and then. It became a daily thing, she would touch my breasts and even pinch my nipple's, at first I said "No! Stop" to her but she wouldn't listen and it got to the point where I had to forcefully try to get her off me. Then it turned into putting her hands in my v@gina and I told her to stop, I almost felt my insides getting ripped apart, I almost cried. CM would do this on daily basis but then soon I lost hope, I started to not retailate or saying "no" I sat there and let it happen. I just dissociated...

Fast forward now CM isn't allowed to interact with me but yet I can still feel her hands on me, I have constant nightmares about it and I can't look at my school uniform without crying.

I want to report it to the police but my friend says not to because we are underage and they won't take us seriously, also if we wait until we're over 18 then we can get her a proper sentence. My only problem is that I'm not going to be making it to 18, definitely not. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel hopeless. What should I do?

Well I wouldn't say anything ACTUAL stalker but I have this classmate and I'll say another story(s??) about them... Anyways I had talked to a therapist about this classmate we'll call them "CM" (for classmate) and CM was just a genuinely horrible person to me AND my best friend (SUB bc if an inside joke) , I'll go into more depth about that in another story back to it the therapist emailed my school to tell them about what was happening. After a week (it was school holidays then) I went back to school and in th afternoon then schools SafeGuarding Officer (nickname: SG) and SG pulled me into his office to have a chat to me, I told him some stuff and back to class I go and then CM gets called after me and now me and SUB are talking worried for our LIVES then SG pulls over to get SUB and I'm left alone with CM and she starts saying "I feel so bad for me and [SUB]" bc she thinks I'm mad at both of them not us mad at her.

After that we stopped talking but then she started talking to me again and I felt hopeless to stop it, this has happened to MANY times before... Weeks go by and I hear nothing about it.

A month goes by and we're talking again untill SG does the same thing as last time, THEN he gets all the three of us. We start discussing things and then SG said that CM can't talk to me nor SUB in and out of school, we was having THE TIME OF OUR LIVES untill SUB got a comment on their yt saying "hi my name is Ava... if you even care" so then SUB started talking to them and "Ava" started venting to them and soon enough reaveled that they were apart of a discord server and is a moderator, the person who created it was .... CM!! SUB felt really unsafe due to this and deleted EVERY video they made, and changed everything. A few days ago on my ticktok account I saw that there was a comment which had a VERY fake looking username and a pfp that fitted CM's humour, I knew immediately it was CM's alternative account but the comment said "hello I think there is somebody talking about you [insert username]" so I searched up the username and it was EXACTLY like SUB's yt account, impersonating them!! But a vid made a few hours ago wasn't copied and instead was gossiping about me by calling me fat even though both of them know I have Bulimia. I knew it was CM trying to frame

I feel really just numb today. I keep forcing a smile onto my face because it's my birthday, but whenever I'm alone I zone out completely and allow myself to feel nothing. This morning was really difficult. I almost missed the bus because I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. But hey, I didn't miss the bus. Now I'm here at school, being ignored by people I now see to be my ex-friends. So why did I get out of bed this morning? I have no idea. I'm in band class as I type this, supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble but listening to Paralysed by NF on loop while playing BitLife and ignoring the fact that my two ex-friends are sitting so close and not even glancing in my direction. Nobody at school knows today's my birthday except for Angel, my bestie. So woo-hoo, happy birthday to me I guess. Angel made a little birthday song for me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, let the gayness run through you, happy birthday to you" and yeah, when she sang it, I forced a laugh and a smile, but I didn't really feel much. I just thought, "Perhaps that was meant to be funny. Guess I'll laugh now." so yeah. Guess depression got the best of me or something. I dunno.

Have y’all heard of enoclophobia? A phobia of crowds, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for me it’s overwhelming

Basically my family owns a small business company, and they’re been forcing me to do presentations on the lastest products since I was young. And since there are lots of people in the auditorium, I panic, but I shouldn’t make humiliation of myself in this big event, so I just manage. By the end of the presentation, but face is blue;;

I’ve been telling my parents for years that I don’t want to be the heir of this company, and I don’t want to do these presentations, but I’m forced to, even my long term crush is going through the same situation, she doesn’t have any phobias tho… she doesn’t like me back bc of how stupid I act while on stage, buts it’s a natural born phobia, I wish I could get rid of it but how?

I’m 32 and I still don’t know what I’m doing here. Like actually here, alive, breathing, pretending to function in a world that feels like it was never made for me. I’ve never had a girlfriend, not even close. Girls never looked at me like that. I used to think maybe I just hadn’t met the right one, or I needed to be more confident, but that’s all lies people tell you to keep you hoping. The truth is, I’m invisible. Always have been. I don’t have that charm, that spark, whatever it is that makes someone want to know you. I see people my age married, having kids, posting pics of their anniversaries and vacations. Meanwhile I can’t even get someone to text me back. And yeah, I’ve tried. Dating apps, friends of friends, even asked out a coworker once (huge mistake, btw). Rejection feels like a daily part of my routine. It’s not even painful anymore. It’s just expected. And the longer I go without ever being loved like that, the more I start to think maybe I never will. Maybe some people just... don’t get that chapter in life.

And work? Same crap. I’ve had like 7 different jobs in the past 5 years. I try hard at first, I really do. I show up on time, follow the rules, try to be friendly. But something always goes wrong. I either mess something up or I don’t “fit the culture” or they say I’m too quiet, not a team player. It’s always somethin. I get let go, or I quit before they push me out. Then I’m back to sending resumes, begging for interviews, feeling like trash every time I get another “we went with another candidate” email. I feel useless. Like I can’t even do the bare minimum that everyone else seems to manage. And without a stable job, everything else falls apart. I can’t afford my own place, I live in a tiny room at my cousin’s house, I barely make it from month to month. I see people buying houses, going on trips, building lives… and I’m here counting coins for gas money. It’s humiliating. And I don’t even talk about it with anyone anymore, cause what’s the point? People don’t get it unless they’re living it.

Lately I’ve just been numb. Wake up, scroll a bit, maybe eat if I have food, stare at the wall, apply for a job or two, sleep. Repeat. I don’t have hobbies. I don’t have goals. I don’t even have people to hang out with. My phone’s dry. My heart feels dry too. Every time I start to think about the future, it just looks like more of the same. More rejection. More failure. More silence. I used to have dreams. I wanted to be a designer, or maybe a teacher. Something where I mattered. But now? I just want the days to stop dragging so damn slow. I’m not saying I wanna die, not exactly. I just don’t see the point in living like this. Alone, broke, unwanted, and tired. So tired. Everyone says “it gets better” but for me, it just never did. Maybe that’s just how it is for some of us. We don’t get the love story. We don’t get the career. We don’t get the happiness. We just exist. Quietly. Until we don’t anymore. And no one really notices. Because for people like me… life is meaningless.

In January of this year, I went out clubbing with my boyfriend and an ex-friend. When we arrived, my boyfriend asked my ex-friend if she had an edible, and she gave him one. He consumed half of it, usually less than what he usually takes because he is attentive to us. He would normally eat a whole edible, sometimes even two. My friend and I pre-gamed as usual and went into the club. About 30 minutes later, my boyfriend said he needed to go to the bathroom. About half an hour passed, and he never returned, so we started calling and texting him and eventually went looking for him. We found him semi-conscious and very sick in a bathroom stall. He asked to be left alone to throw up and said he’d be okay.

At that point, my ex-friend began to panic about how we would get him home and started texting her boyfriend. I introduced them to each other, and they had only been dating for about two months at the time of this incident. He was not supportive and essentially blamed her for the situation. He said this was the "consequences of our actions" and screenshotted their conversation. She started crying, saying she "hates when he gets like this." I tried to help her communicate with him but realized it was no use, so I reached out to a separate friend who agreed to pick us up. Meanwhile, the club’s security saw that my boyfriend was not doing well and gave him water. Eventually, he made it outside on his own and continued throwing up. I checked in with him, and he told me to go back in and enjoy the night, so I tried to relax a bit while waiting for our ride. During that time, my ex-friend didn’t say anything supportive and stayed cold and distant. I will admit I got upset in the heat of the moment and called her a bitch, but I instantly apologized because I realized she was probably hurt over her boyfriend's actions.

Once our ride arrived, we left. My boyfriend threw up a bit more, but after getting food, he started to feel much better. We ensured he didn’t drive, and everyone got home safely. On the way home, my ex-friend said she was canceling all her birthday plans (her b-day was the following weekend), including with her boyfriend, and didn’t want to celebrate anymore. The next day, I sent a message to both of them apologizing if I had said or done anything wrong while drunk and expressed how glad I was that we made safe choices. My boyfriend responded, took accountability, and we worked through it. My ex-friend, however, ghosted me and never responded. She remained active on social media the whole time but ignored me. Her boyfriend contacted me asking if I had heard from her, which I didn't, but I told him I would let him know. About two days later, she finally replied saying she didn’t think things between us would ever be the same. She claimed she felt alone that night, had to be responsible for getting us home, and said she no longer wanted a friendship with my boyfriend because he had called her toxic. He did admit that he texted her multiple times, worried for her, and he did call her toxic for refusing to at least let us know that she was there. I responded respectfully, pointing out that I had actually arranged the ride home, and her boyfriend hadn’t been concerned for our safety. I also said that if she needed space, she could’ve just said that instead of ignoring me. She responded with a short, dismissive message and never followed up.

I later reached out wishing her a happy birthday in hopes that maybe we could try to patch things up. She replied with a short “thank you,” and has continued to ghost me since then. She’s been active and went on to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend, despite previously saying she wouldn’t be doing anything. She’s made zero effort to reconnect or talk things out, yet seemed to have instantly taken him back and was willing to work through their issues. On a side note, I have a friend who owns a dispensary and strongly believes my boyfriend’s reaction was due to being laced, especially given how extreme it was in comparison to his usual tolerance. I don't really want to believe this was the reality and sadly we'll never know. All we know is that her boyfriend had given her said edible and she claimed it was from a dispensary.

I’m still deeply hurt by the situation and am just trying to find closure since it's evident she won't be providing it. Her and I have gone through a lot together, and it hurts knowing that she's willing to throw it all away yet accept a man she's barley known. It is her first relationship so I kinda understand but I'm still hurt. I started to reflect on the way she had been treating me and I feel like there may have been signs. When she started dating him, she would take him to go do plans her and I made. I would always beg her to play video games with me, yet she'd go offline mode and play with him. I even made a "joke" about feeling replaced and she kinda ignored it. I've spoken to many friends about the incident and many just tell me she was/is a crappy friend and to move on. But I guess it hurts knowing someone who I wanted to be in my life forever would do this to me. If you've read this far, thank you.

I won't share my age or anything, I just need to get it off of my chest.

So, I have this friend, we can call her S to make is easier, S does sports, running, she serves at a church and grew up in a home where her dad was a marathon runner and had a spacious home growing up, no siblings.

I'm just here, no sports experience besides a bit of badminton and frisbe, no teams, I barely go out and I have to sleep with my dad to make sure he needs something, sometimes I sleep on my own bed in a room me and my older sister shares, my older sis sleeps in another bed.

I know writing this makes me sound whiny and pathetic, but I genuinely wonder if she knows if what she says about me is just a joke and won't affect me. "Your such a big back!" "Of course you take your anger out" "Imagine tryna insult me" along with being hypocritical, she would say were 'past a song' then proceeds to play it?? "No one cares that you ate 2 popcorn bags" Well I'm sorry, but no one cares that you thought a noise was something else or that you think the teacher did something 'sus' as you call it. It makes me get an overwhelming sense of emotions, anger, sadness or outright tiredness.

I know she means well but I can't seem to be well myself, I'm confused about my emotional state to the point where I rather be alone with a pen and paper than be with my actual friends, but instead, I lash out and do things I regret after calming down.

I hate this, I hate how I'm supposedly the friend she's talk to if she doesn't have anyone else to comfort or to talk to. I'll be talked to if we're either sitting together or she's with others she doesn't like.

But hey, in the end I'm just 'the introverted artist' friend. S, we aren't in some youtube shorts POV, its real life and what you say to me is gonna make me have second thoughts.

... Man, I sound like I'm complaining, sorry.

I've been homeschooled my whole life. I've always hated it and left me to feel bitter. I saw my friends who went to public or private schools, they told me I was lucky, yet they were the ones who had friends, relationships, even the resources at school that helped them with their education. I had none of those. For me, I would wake up, go on my computer, finish my school, and stay home. I begged my mother to put me into public school when I reached 9th grade, didn't happen. Best she could do was enroll me into a virtual school, not any better since it was the exact same lifestyle. The only way my mother would comfort me was tell me about College, how when I got to college I'll meet so many people and start my life. Everyone told me that. That was what I held onto during my years, it was the only thing that kept me going. I worked hard, had a great GPA, did a lot of strong extracurriculars, take strong classes. Long story short, college admissions season has ended, and I basically got into none of the schools in my state that I wanted to go to. Every out of state school that I applied to and wanted to go so badly accepted me, all with scholarships. But it's too expensive, I have no financial aid since my family makes too much, but they said they won't help cover costs if I go out of state. The only in state school that accepted that is decent quality is 20 minutes away from my house, I'll get a car at least. To make it even better, it's known as a commuter school, social life is dry from what I've heard. All of my friends got into their dream schools, schools that they should be proud of, meanwhile Im ashamed. I thought it would finally be my time, something would finally happen. But nope. I'll be at my home, doing the same routine I have done my whole life. Nothing will change. I'll never go to a football game with friends, I'll never live in a dorm, I'll never know the thrill of being on my own. I wanted so badly to have that. So badly to live. Know I just feel empty and bitter and I keep thinking about all the "what ifs". I've never had the average teenage experience, hell, I haven't even had my first kiss. Now I will never have what I have only been dreaming of my whole life. I can't even begin to explain the absolute despair I am feeling. I thought things would be different, I thought I would be celebrating, not mourning the life I will never have. What stories will I tell to my children? I don't have any.

who needs a bestie?? I miss someone

Can someone help me

I am 30 year old female who definitely does not want to work anymore. I dropped of college and started working and building myself and understanding jobs and everything which made me realize that I don't want to work anymore. My biggest issue is coworker and manger will FAFO. Since Trump ran for president in AMERICA, the economy is sinking and I heard that jobs are on a FREEZE and I honestly don't know what jobs are really hiring or not due to GHOST JOBS and what not because its really hard to say if I want to go apply for jobs. All the times I learn about jobs is that coworkers and managers are not your friends and I try my best to just be very careful because in the past I became a blubber mouth and was angry about everything; how jobs are structure and what not. I don't want unemployment because in my mind (i don't know if it true) but I found out that some people will teach others to lie on the form for unemployed and they will get while the others get rejected. That my stress and it bothers me because I am trying to live my life and do what I want to but again people love to mess up situation. Recently there was drama at work, a coworker was disrespectful telling me to clock out somewhere else and basically acted she is the manager but she doesn't do much. For me this my first time in industry never know how it might work every system has their ways and for me, I think I did well but that coworker is just trying to make it hard for us. That why I don't want to work anymore. There so much issues within work and due to job searching its hard to find a job that will take you seriously but some jobs won't even train you to make sure you get the work done. Any tips and advices because its jobs are really hard right now?

I've lost myself, I think. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm mad at everybody for reasons I can't explain. I'm upsetting everyone somehow but I don't remember when I say or do something to upset people. My memory gaps have gotten so bad that all of my friends probably hate me but I don't remember why. Where has my memory gone? who even am I anymore?

Ever since I was younger, my ears have been... weird. I'll hear someone call my name out of nowhere, and it won't be someone I recognize. In the middle of the quiet, like at night or in the middle of class, my ear will start ringing. It only lasts a second or two but I can definitely hear it. Once I was facing a tough decision, and I had a podcast playing, and I wasn't paying too much attention to it. Then, randomly, as I was agonising over this decision, my ears focused on the podcast at the perfect time, and I got the perfect solution. Once I was down in the woods, just chilling, when a voice whispered in my ear, "Go home." I ignored it, but it came again and the third time it came I went home, and that's when I found out that there had been coyote sightings in the area if the woods I was in.

These memories are, yes, a bit fuzzy because that's the way my memory is, but I clearly remember the voices. The one that told me to go home was definitely female, and I think I actually recognised it: My great grandma, who had died a few years before. That specific voice hasn't come back, but I remember it with such clarity.

When I meditate, sometimes, and it's rare, the ringing will come back in the quiet. I'll hear the voices saying my name. But as soon as I stop meditating, it's back to almost normal, with the occasional ringing and maybe a whisper of my name every now and then.

I'm not a medium, so I don't know if I'm being haunted or what...