Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 43

Let's try this again, since when I wrote yesterday, no one really understood what I meant. I'll elaborate to my first post called, "Rambling with a 13 year old girl". My nickname is Tomato, since that was what my old friends used to call me. My old friends have spoken badly about me and I don't feel comfortable being in the group anymore. I think very deeply for someone who is 13 years old, but, of course, I am not fully mature. I still don't see meaning in doing some work and I blame other people for things I do. I am mature in the way that I don't fall in love with people for no reason; I look at their personality first. The same goes with friends. I take record of bad traits in people. Because of this, I have come to a realization. No one in my tiny private school is someone I want to be associated with. Outside of school, I only have 2 friends. Those 2 friends are constantly busy and 1 of them lives pretty far away. Sure, with all of this going on, I could have faked being in love with Gold just to take my mind off of life. Even so, I have shown all the signs of being in love. I, at first, idolized him. I thought he was perfect. Then, I disliked him when I saw his flaws. And finally, I love him now, with his imperfections and all. He stands up for me. He was raised well. He is hardworking. Gold is the first piece of gold I saw in the cave of life and an explorer snatched the gold away when I wasn't looking. No one, not even my family, understands and they never will.

I feel a little awkward sharing this. It makes me feel a bit insensitive, given that people have real active issues on here. But, I want some advice on how to fit in better. I’ve always felt like an outsider peeking in, like I don’t belong or fit in anywhere. I always try by going and talking to people, but I always feel like I’m forcing them to include me. It’s been this way since I was in elementary school. I’m awkward and quiet, and I’ve always been like that. Even when I do make friends, I always find myself questioning if I’m inconveniencing them. I just feel different. Should I try to go out more? Maybe join some kind of club? How do I make this work?

Okay, so I have two friends. We have all been friends since first grade. We still hang out and make each other laugh when we have problems. We never vent to each other or get sad. We just laugh at ourselves. Lately though one of them has started venting to the other. The other says it’s perfectly okay to vent. When I was with the first one in private I complained and she said that my problems didn’t matter.

I’ve always been the shy one of the group and now they text and call each other more than they do me. Whenever they try to call me I don’t answer.

I feel terrible and I’m going through some problems right now so I hope my friends don’t hate me but they both like the same things and I don’t know what they are.

This is so dumb but I don’t have any other friends so…. Yeah.

Should I resign for my mental health or should I stay to provide my family?

Hello guys. I like someone in my school. Actually, I love him. I'll refer to him as Gold, since he would wear a gold chain with his rapper costume every year on Halloween. He has the cutest chubby cheeks, the sweetest smile, and is generally super attractive in my eyes. Gold has been my family friend since preschool and I only really started liking him during late 7th grade. To the few people I told, they judged me for liking him. He 100% does not like me back because my facial acne is way too bad and I am ugly. If that wasn't bad enough, he has a girlfriend now and I don't know what to do. I can't get over Gold, no matter how hard I try.

So unfortunately, I am hypersexual due to trauma, but acesexual. and "makeup sex" is an unfortunate and unconscious reaction to stress caused by my relationship because of a past relationship. I feel like recently my boyfriend has been purposely triggering my stress response to get.. yuknow. And not only am I kinda grossed out by the thought he could be doing it on purpose. I'm scared by it.

i dont even know where to start. if i think too hard about everything i cry. i cant live in this world. i cant finish school or get a job. why do i have to pay for my existence? i think my dad was right. he is right. i say he isnt and my mom says he isnt but he was right and thats what makes me so sad. he was right for yelling at me. i should join somr school clubs ti put on my resume for college. i should work out. i am just lazy and spoiled. my mental health and anxiety and dysphoria and whatever the fuck isnt that bad. i think i may be pretending. i can function better than people who have it worse. save your time for someone else. my life isnt bad and people would kill for this. everyone says i am kind and sweet and just a golden child. i know i am the favorite. i am whiny. i am barely autistic. im not trying to be like “ugh🥺! im so unfixable and depressed and ugly and nothing is gonna get better” im not. im self aware on that. sure i cut myself sometkmes but i only do it when im really overwhelmed and about to snap. i think i am a realt disgusting individual. i feel like patrick bateman and kilgrave but not in that stupid sigma male stuff. yk. i fear it is all just a mask and i wonder what i am capable of. the atrocities i dont want to commit or do i? i dont want to grow up and becomr a pedophile or a serial killer. maybe its just instrustivir thoughts but i know better. i know yhe eevil runs deep in me and i pray to god and whatever gods. i still think santa is real. i know his spirit is. i go back to hell and evil and i cant stop. i want to be pure and i pretend so hard. i cant even cry. i have so much rage and hatred but also so much kindness. i wonder what is real. im tired. im anxious. i hate mu body. im going to kill myself if i have to live like this or look like this. my feet and ass and boobs and eyes are uneven. i cant stand how noticrable it is. so are my curves/sides and hips. bc of scolosis. i have so much acne and i have scars and stretchmarks. i dont think my body is built to be loved. i think love is a sham for me to get hope. i am deep down evil. i am so possessive and greedy and spoiled and nasty. i know this is true and i can hope for a fairytale but i will not get that. i dont rven know what to say. i can feel everrytjing in me. i hate human bodies im so scardd of getting old and having to think about the futurre.just let me live. but i cant. i am a snake eating its own tail forever

I’m a 13 year old gay boy and my whole family is homophobic and I am scared and this has kept me up for many nights the thing that scares me is mostly what I’m gonna do when I’m an adult I do love my family but what about when they find out I’m gay and I’m an adult will my family never talk to me or will I just marry a woman for them to be happy it’s terrifying I don’t know who to talk to so this is my last resort somebody please help me

My sister and her friends often talk about their serious problems with each other through text. My sister sometimes allows me to read what they say, but whenever I see her talking bad about me I feel hurt even though I'm the problem. She wouldn't be complaining to her friends if I didn't offend her but she never tells me how she feels so I don't know when my actions genuinely hurt her. I'm a little upset she allows them to talk bad about me and say my dreams are worthless and never going to happen, but do I have the right to feel offended when I caused this? I'm worried to talk to her because I'm afraid she'll tell her friends or not take me seriously.

Well, the mall incident in Malaysia. I got too excited, so I went far away from my mom to a side of a mall’s store where she couldn’t see me, then my brother found me. My dad said I could’ve gotten kidnapped, trafficked, organs sold, & raped. I know, I just forgot for a moment because I got too excited, but I blame myself. My dad then, in the hotel, proceeded to hit me, yell at me, call me a bad word & then he said I didn’t care about the family, I went because I got selfish, he blamed my liking to art, & then he said he only cares for me because I’m his child, not because he loves me, even saying if I were a neighbor’s kid, I’d be a bad example to him. I know he was angry, but I think he was right. That I’m unempathetic, that I’m selfish, & I don’t care about the family. Well, I do love them, I felt bad from what I did, I felt dumb, but is he right? Afterwards, I got tired, scared to talk to him, scared of getting lost in a mall, & I always ask my mom how I can help her. Maybe it’s just teen stuff, maybe my hormones & my overreaction are making me sad & tired.

first time posting here, english isn't my first language.

my boyfriend broke up with me last sunday, i feel like im the only one grieving the loss of our relationship and he's just mr. perfectly fine—it hurts, it hurts a lot i don't know what do to, i miss him i want him back but im sure he doesn't feel the same way since we restricted me on facebook.. how can he throw away our relationship? from after school dates to the church, walking with me through the bus station, being there for me when my friends left me, internet café hangouts, cinema dates and so much more.. i miss him i miss reyz i miss my bebi and it hurts so bad—i am willing to compromise for our relationship, i would sacrifice a lot for him yet how can he throw all of this away? the times that we would have an argument, I'd still forgive him even though he didn't ask for forgiveness, i did my best to love him every way i can, isn't that enough for him to stay and work things out between us? comeback please i beg you, give us another try please I can't do this without you, im near at the deep end, im losing myself, everyone turned their backs to me and u did too:( please change your mind bebi:( please please.

i want to hit my head against a wall until my brain spills out. i'd bend over, crumpling down to the floor with a newfound lightness. my hands would reach out, towards the lump of misshapen meat on the carpet, grasping at the stem. i'd pull. and pull. and pull and pull. it would unwind in my hands, onto the floor like a spool of red thread. decorated along the pink tissue would be miniscule lines. microscopic letters; descriptions of events and people and places decipherable only by the innermost part of the self -- the heart.

and so, i would dig my fingernails in deep. deep. and deeper. deeper and deeper still. and then, my fingers would grasp the weakly pulsating bloody mass. i'd pull. and pull. and pull and pull. it'd tear out of my ribcage in a satisfying manner, with a sickly sweet squelch. blood would spill out of my concave chest and stain the white carpet. my thumbnails would find purchase in the surface of the organ, peeling it open like one would an orange, splitting open at the aorta and downwards past the purkyne tissue. inside, what is inside? i peer in. i wish i hadn't. there is no answer. none. none at all. none of this matters. i tear and tear and tear into myself for nothing. i drive a blade with practiced precision into the supple flesh of my skin in an attempt to peel it away and gain even a glimpse at the person i am within, naked and bare for none to see. there is no substance. i fall. no one hears. there is nothing to hear. for i am nothing, and everything at once. i have no substance to myself, but i mimic fragments of what others do. fragments. shards. a million glass shards when glued together don't form a mirror. engraved into my subconscious. an effort to please. to be neutral. to be perceived.

and then i receive it. an answer. an answer! at last, at last. i see it. i see it all. so clear. so clear indeed. i am a grotesque, misshapen amalgamation of everything and everyone i hold dear. a summation of everything equalling to nothing of substance. nothing of value. i know what i am.

i smile as i bleed out onto the red carpet.

Im struggling, but they tell me it’s an excuse and im just lazy. Sure im lazy on terms but it’s more than that. They say they understand but they clearly don’t when i tell them why they just tell me im making up stuff. I suffer from Diagnosed ADHD and I haven’t been diagnosed for depression but im pretty sure I have it. I have no motivation to do anything anymore, well not anything but you know. A lot of the things I used to enjoy it takes effort to do. And I’m failing classes, but I don’t know how to explain it I just can’t find the motivation to do anything outside of school, including homework. I have to legit force myself to do homework. And then my parents pressure me by threatening to take my phone away, which, valid, but for me it’s my only safe place because I have a lot of friends on here who actually understand and know things that my parents don’t because they would accept me. I feel like crying everyday but there’s no tears that come out. I just wish my parents knew how my brain worked and what I was feeling even though I still don’t fully understand. I guess life really isn’t fair.

This is my first time posting here and I just want someone to hear me out. I still feel crap about it. Everything was too sudden for me, my kitten died and it is because of me. I regretted that I didn't give all the cat treats, all the foods he wanted, that I wasn't able to make him visit the vet again. Even though, I gave him a lot of love and attention, I still feel like it wasn't enough. I am fully aware that I lacked on everything. Everything hurts that I don't think I'll be able to do anything properly for the next days. I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself ever. Sorry for all the errors in my message or if it's confusing, I'm still crying sorry.

In Malaysia, I got too excited at a mall and wandered away from my mom, causing concern. My dad, fearing dangers like kidnapping, got angry, yelled, hit me, and said hurtful things, like blaming my love for art and claiming he only cares because I’m his child, not out of love. His words made me feel selfish and unempathetic, even though I regret what happened and love your family. Since then, I’ve been anxious, cautious, and focused on helping my mom, wondering if it's just teenage emotions or if there's truth to his criticism.