Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 9

So umm.. I don’t really know how to put this. My dad’s been staring at my chest more often… and it’s really gross. He’s always been a “creep” and often watches vulgar stuff.. but before your wondering how old I am and all that I’ll tell you. I’m 13 and I matured pretty quickly? I look around a high school freshman? Like I’m 5’7 and I have yk.. boobs. Like it just feels weird saying this

So sometimes I walk around the house without a bra bc they hurt yk?? And my mom does the same. I mean I think it’s normal??? But anyway, my dad has a problem with staring for too long at people?? So I’ll be minding my business and he’ll just STARE. Like full blown stare with no thoughts, even if you stare back at him he won’t do anything??

So he’s been staring lower.. and I’d say I’ve been hitting puberty more.. so yk what happens. And idk it just feels so disgusting. Like the type of way I’d want to rip my skin off? I love myself but when he stares it makes me feel like a ball of sludge?

Idk what the point of this was but I just wanted to get this off my chest

So I saw this guy a few months ago at school since we have the same club. I'm a transferee that came from an all-boys school and we're both in our second year of high school right now. I had to ask one of my close girl besties (calling this specific one AN) to help me find out what he likes so that I could hopefully ask him out, and she did find out he was gay. I got to know what he likes to eat, where he lived, how good were his grades in his classes, those kind of sorts.

Then just 2 weeks ago I planned to ask him out, and AN helped me get everything I needed just so I could hear him say 'yes'.

But when I confessed to him (calling him AR), he said he already knew and was still thinking about it. Because someone leaked my plans to him (this wasn't AN who leaked, I checked it already). I said I'd respect his decision even when he said no and until I received an answer from him directly, I'd keep my distance. And I did. Fast forward next week, and he said he didn't think we would work out.

So I continued to keep my distance from him. Then just yesterday. AN said AR asked her out.

She said yes, and said AR was straight now.

I don't know why he said no to me, not even giving it more than a week, then moving on to someone else. I still made sure to keep my distance from him (which means keeping my distance from AN as well), but I just don't think it's normal for people to take that short to move on. I just don't think it's fair that AN got to have the boyfriend that I couldn't get. Because I'm new to him. But AN and AR had a year to get to know each other.

I had a crush on this one guy back at my old school (calling him BA, yes it's the same person as the one in the story I had made a few months ago), and I don't know which is worse: having a crush on a guy for 2 years without saying it out loud to him, or finally asking someone out only for them to say no.

So it got me thinking.

Why does it still not matter?

Even when I try and put effort, or when I just love them silently,

they all find someone new. And that someone just ain't me.

When will I get to experience the joy of having someone else to love?

Because I left my family a long ass time ago.

They still can't love me.

I can deal with that.

But whenever I find someone new?

I wish we can just be together right then and there.

TW : Talk of Overdosing, Self Harm, SA, and Family Violance.

so im 14 and my live with my aunt, ive been struggling with my mental health since I was five and since then ive been told to kms by my older sister and people around school starting all the way back at primary school, when I was around 6 or 7 I had hurt myself for the very first time and some people say thats impossible for a 6 year old to know what that is or how to do anything to hurt myself purposly but if you grew up in my house you would understand. I grew up with a lot of family violence from my step dad and my mum, and my dad was out of the picture since I was 3 and obviously as a 3 year old I thought it was my fault and my mum had told me it was my fault. then when I was maybe 7 or 8 my mum met her best friend at the times boyfriend and he started SAing me and I thought rhat was normal but it got too much so at the age of 9 I made the decision that no 9 year old should ever make, I made the decision to try take my life repeatedly since this first time. picking up SH habits of cutting, but the only reason I am sharing this is because no one seems to be listening to how I feel, to this day I am still struggling with my mental health and my aunty or mum or dad do not gaf and I need someone that would listen.

I dont even know how to start this one. uh, should I start with some context before diving in? i've been sa'd. like three times now, by two different people, and you'd think the years seperating them would make it go away quicker. but nope. still living in my head rent free. so it makes talking about shit like that awkward as fuck. or just being touched in any way, like grabbed on the arm, or pushed or anything. very uncomfortable? anyway. I was sitting in p.e and we had to do sex Ed. and they made it a bit odd. they brought all the classes in my year together for it, and yeah. so when they started showing images and talking about shit I just started drawing on paper, ignoring it. or trying to. and my friend who is asexual just found the whole thing amusingly uncomfortable I guess. when it was done Lauren from one of my other posts was like getting angry at us, saying that she was interested in learning about stuff and it wasnt fair neither of her friends wanted to learn this stuff, even though she knew both our reasons.

why do I feel the urge to make someone happy, even someone who is not affectionate towards me, someone who never apologizes, someone who never seems interested in me, in what I do since they don´t ask about me but more about other people, even if I let hints (and even say directly) that I don't want to answer things about other people but just me, or just want to them know who I am. Maybe this grew more since I started watching people act more affectionate toward each other on some TV series or movies, like their interactions seem to be like that, they ask about you, they say nice things to each other even if they are angry, they seem to apologize if necessary, so maybe I am just comparing myself too much on those fake TV people??

Even if I tell them directly to be more affectionate and try not to insult me every day, I try to be better but they always stir something in me that makes me want to punch things. Why don't they change after my whole life trying to make them understand my thoughts? And why do I continue to seek their love? Nothing I ever do seems to be enough for them even if I do something that they told me to do, they still tell me more things to do, not even a thanks or nice words, maybe that person is afraid or doesn't really care about me, but they say they do "care" saying those things so I can "love myself" since they seem to think love words are not the path, they seem to think demmanding things for me is the right choice. It really makes me mad since I feel like they only call me these things (insults and complaints) to make me "reflect" on how ugly and disgusting I am.

I thought it also has to be connected to myself being someone not individualistic, I always seek for people. I don't like being alone, and I don't start things by myself. I know I need to change and not rely on people but I just can't, I'm so afraid of doing so.

So basically here’s a short summary

I’m in a relationship with my gf and we’ve been together for about 3 years now and honestly it hasn’t been good. Iv been giving 90% and only ever getting 10% and it’s been like this for the past 3 years almost. Anyways this summer I got a new job and met this new friend and the minute we got together we clicked so fast and idk I kinda started to become physically and emotionally attracted to her. I started to really developed feelings for her and everything. I have to mention this new girl also has a gf. Well the summer ended but they hired me as a staff for another program that this girl is always involved in. So we started this new job again and she was there and we got even closer over the summer. We would text each other and everything and made plans to hang out outside of work and sometimes we would go grocery shopping together. We would text at like 4 am if we couldn’t sleep and just keep each other company. Well 2 weeks ago on Wednesday we had a really heart to heart conversation about life and I basically almost cried and she told me how much she cared about me and everything and then last Friday 2 days later she went cold and just refused to talk to me and it went on for week untill last Friday until I got the courage to speak to her because she’s been ignoring me and when she talks to me she told me how coworkers can’t be friends and how it’s not okay how close we got but I don’t get it I just don’t get it. She’s was friends with all her other coworkers but when it comes to me it’s different. It just hurts so much because I know I’m a shitty person for liking a girl while I’m in a relationship but she meant a lot to me and before she was my friend and I just miss my friend and the person I was able to trust, she told me she called about me and turned on me and I’m just so hurt

so I've had like problems feeling happy or normal and stuff for like 3 years now, and I think I've finally figured out the root of why I feel like I cant let myself feel happy for too long. I have literally no problems, my parents are the sweetest people in the world, I'm avarge enough looking I shouldn't feel as self conscious as I do, and I have a fair amount of friends and I would definitely have more if I wasnt constantly too tired because just existing without feeling sad is exhausting. I put in probbaly about 80% of my energy just to make myself feel normal daily. my friends ALWAYS feel the need to stop by the bathroom between every clas period so every time i have to see myself compared to them and then hear them say "omg im so ugly" or "my hairs so flat today" and like i know they are allowed to like be self concious too or like just comment stuff about themselves but its so tiering. i cant walk properly in the hallways because i feel too tense and overthink how to walk wayy too much. i like compulsivly run my hands through my hair, espcially when im nervous, and ik it probably looks weird bc i do it so much but it stopped being about fixing my hair and now its like somthing i need to do otherwise i will get too tense or smthn it just feels horribly uncomfertable if i dont do it when i need to. so anyways I've noticed that whenever I wake up I'm in a certain mood and that will be my mood for the day almost no matter what. like it could be a pretty good day but if I wake up in a bad mood it might be ruined. like, its not even what other people do or what happening in my life, I have NO REASON to be sad enough to want to kill myself. now right now I don't want to but what's kinda weird is two days ago I was literally planning it, like my mood changes so fast. I have trouble planning things because I never know what mood I will be in, and so it ruins my productivity and I literally have to like wait for a feel good day because i litterally cannot concentrate on anything. i skip meals alot too, but never because i think im fat i know i dont have like anorexia or somthing like that but even if im like REALLY hungry and i have food that would not be that bad if i have to like get up to get it or ask for somthing, ill just choose to starve. like and other times ill have food and i just wont want to eat it. i feel like if i acc want to eat a decent meal i need to enjoy the food, and if im just eating because im hungry i wont eat. the problem is i just end up fasting till the end of the schoolday after eating nothing at all. like i will acc go an entire day with no food, and just eat dinner when i get home. idk if im just lazy or picky or somthing but my friends kinda commented on it and i was wondering if i should be like, worried about it? because i know running off of no food all day cant be good for you, but i feel like i have to like force myself to eat somtimes. i honestly kinda enjoy the feeling of being hungry at this point? like idk what that means but like i would prefer that to being full. another thing is i feel like even when i eat like a ton of food i never get full? like i feel hungrier after somtimes. i think that might be why i prefer to starve instead of eat and feel hungrier too ig. besides food, i will straight up ignor homeowork i know im gonna get in serious trouble for not doing, and that honestly seems kinda normal but i feel like alot of times i will just choose to suffer even if its a super easy fix to make myself feel better. so ive been wondering if maybe the reason i dont get better is because its not anything around me i need to fix, its because im constantly sabatoging myself. i was curious what you guys would think, becuase i honestly dont know where to go from here. im not like sad right now but my life is very reppetative and i know there are so many things i could do to make it better but i just dont. i really hope im not just lazy but if you think i am please give advice idk whats going on😭. so anyways thanks for reading this huge rant

So a quick story is we have been trying to have a baby for 3 years. 1st year ibhad 2 chemical pregnancies. 2nd year was completely NOTHING but depression. 3rd year i got pregnant but lost our baby at 4 months. Three months after that (we pretty much stopped trying so hard), i got pregnant and now she’s almost 1 year old. I’m extremely happy to get that straight.

Me and my boyfriend both worked abroad. We agreed that i go back to our home country and raise our baby there, at my parents’ side since im an only child, we both kinda think they’ll want to be with their granddaughter. So when i went home, gave birth and everything, my bf provided everything. My pregnancy was even high risk cos i am of age (37years old), had history, even had gestational diabetes, he was even the one buying medicine for my father. My father got sick when i was abroad and they all told me he was fine but he wasnt really. He would yell at me, curse me, curse my bf and one time he cursed the baby i talked back to him that’s when he hit me while carrying the baby. So i just never spoke to him to keep things quiet. But everyday he would do house repairs, move furnitures that would wale the baby up and when the baby was up he would start cursing again which i just ignored. But after some time, of course tension would build up. He ended up cursing at me again and my bf, so i talked back to him. And it didnt go well. He tried to hit me with a metal pipe, and with his yelling my baby was crying. He threw me out. I lived with my cousin for 10 days and my bf came home and took us with him to his parents house (he has a house already but isnt ready yet). After a month of vacation, he has to go back to work abroad. So im left with his family. His family is fine towards me. But the problem is the place. It’s extremely dirty. They have neglected cats and dogs. My own 2 cats even had fleas infestation even though they never left the room because of the place. Nobody wants to clean, everywhere is pee and poo and puke of cats, dogs, chicks. The house is old but is also neglected since nobody likes cleaning. A simple i want to wash my face turns into cleaning the sink cos there’s a poo in it and my baby will use that sink later. Even the human bathroom is worse than public bathroom. There’s dog pee in it, there’s cat poo in it. The house is insect infested. Mosquitoes, roaches, flies, and i am extremely scared of roaches. I cant let my baby touch anything cos she puts everything in her mouth. Our room is clean, i make sure i clean it everyday but out our room is a whole different place. I cant clean the place otherwise who’ll watch over the baby? So sometimes, we just stay in our room with my cats. People in their house, if you tell then to watch or clean up after their pets they get angry. They “love” animals. But as for me love animals is way different than being responsible and really loving an animal.

I was supposed to stay here with the baby and our cats (who we even flew home from abroad). But because things didnt turn out as we planned especially from my side. We talked of going back abroad but it’ll be REALLY costly.

Me and bf fight or argue everyday. I already had depression from past abusive boyfriend. Now my own father who disowned me, that includes the entire family cos noone ever stood up against him EVER. Just me. Their place is depressing. I am post partum. Our baby is really hard to look after. And i am telling myself now that i need to be more understanding of him. That every argument is my fault cos i am ranting to him everyday. But in the back of my head, what about me? I am having a difficult time too, sooooo difficult. Am i wrong to be ranting so much? I want my feelings out cos i am having suicidal thoughts again or just dream or pray to die everyday. I cry waking up. I cry before sleeping. I am praying when i sleep i hope i dont wake up anymore cos i just want every single fear, tiredness, pain or worry to end.

Where do I start?

There are a lot of people that say they "have no one". I have no one. The only person I ever talk to is my alcoholic ex-spouse.

No friends.

No coworkers.

Nothing.

I had some legal issues that started a few years back. The drama around that (with the fans flamed by the ex - we were still 'together' at the time) caused anyone that I hung out with to fully cut me off.

I ended up spending a bit of time on a grippy sock vacation in the psych ward.

No one called.

No one reached out.

Nothing.

Crickets.

I spent the last 2 or so years still living with the ex, still trying to deal with their issues, burying mine, with no support.

I spent my entire life supporting everyone else - parents (even as a child), spouse, volunteering, etc.

I spent my entire adult life trying to better myself. I wanted to be able to provide better than my parents were able to. I achieved that. I was the first in my family, even extended family, to graduate college. Then a master's degree. Then nearly 20 years at the same organization, working my way up through to a trusted mid-level manager with a six figure salary.

Fast-forward.

The legal issue came to a head. I made a big mistake. Once.

I've heard that we shouldn't be defined by our biggest mistake. We can't ignore the good. We can't label someone based solely on one point in time, one event, one moment...good or bad. Seems like people like to say that to make themselves feel good. They don't apply it to others.

Maybe, someone does.

But I cannot find or even try to find that someone.

Due to the legal situation, I lost my job, I'm struggling to find one.

I have about 4-5 months that I'll be able to still financially support myself.

I have so many restrictions.

Places I can't go.

Things I can't do.

I can't go to places where adults usually gather (because they serve alcohol). I can't go to places that don't serve alcohol because there are kids present.

I have nothing.

I have no way to find support.

I just exist.

That's it. Existence. Nothing more.

I really wish I wasn’t sick. That people didn’t look at me as if I was a lost cause. That people didn’t have to worry about upsetting me, or think that I do things because I feel like I have to. I wish people didn’t walk on eggshells around me or feel the need to ask me a bunch of questions about my feelings. I wish people could realize that sometimes I do nice things because I want to, not out of obligation. I wish I didn’t hate silence around everyone but one person. But alas, I’m stuck with a brain that halfway works and the emotional range of a football field.

My brother, who is easily distracted and often forgetful, forgot to put a pack of frozen nuggets in the freezer. My dad got pissed because not only did he forgot to put the nuggets in the freezer, he also, apparently, was using the TV even though he's banned from using any devices. So, he beats him and my mom gets upset and starts scolding my brother. Long story short, my parents started arguing and shit went downhill from there. My mom becomes very emotional volatile because every time they have an argument, my father dismisses as being "irrational" and "crazy" and also chooses to ignore her arguments when he doesn't agree. He's also very avoidant when it comes to being confronted, always countering with the "sacrifices" he has to make for the family (but apparently can't sacrifice his ego for the peace of the family).

A couple minutes later, he's in my room, explaining what happened in his perspective, mind you he is very biased and close minded when comes to arguments, attempting to defend himself in the argument. Then, I tried to tell him that the argument wasn't about the nuggets or my brother, but more about between them. And he keeps deflecting and ignoring what I'm saying.

So, I'm frustrated as hell rn bc not only did he ignore what I had to say to him, but also because HE CANT RECOGNIZE THE FACT HE'S LITERALLY DODGING WHAT IM SAYING TO HIM LIKE WHAT HE DOES TO MY MOM. From what I observed from him, he has a low ass EQ and very much lacks communication skills. Which why I gave up on talking to him. It pisses me off so much, literally the pack of nuggets weren't the reason why my parents had an argument, HE LITERALLY STARTED BEING EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT and proceeds to call my mom "emotional irrational" because she doesn't want to listen to him, even tho she did and explained herself, when HES DOING. THE. SAME. THING!!! I literally cannot with that man anymore. It's like talking to a brick wall, but a brick wall wouldn't call me insults and willingly ignore what I have to say. I'm just so tired, they've been arguing a lot since I was baby. I really just wanna leave my home since I'll be graduating soon but I have younger siblings too and now I'm worried they're going have to endure a grown ass man trying to win an "argument" with his wife that he started just like what I went through. I cannot anymore at this. These stupid ass arguments have gotten to a point. Not to mention, they both cancelled a FLIGHT to BALI JUST TODAY bc of their argument. Oh my days. That money could have been acc used for the flight tickets but God forbid a pack of nuggets be outside of the freezer

I’m pathetic. I’m 26 and I’m so attached to my mum. She is the only person in the world who truely understands me and who I can talk to about anything. She didn’t ask to have a daughter who’s so broken that she can’t do anything independently. I’m such a burden on her. I wish I had someone else to talk to so she doesn’t have to be burdened by it all. It’s not fair on her. I know she loves me but it’s not her job to fix her broken full grown daughter. Honestly I wish I could keep it all inside so I don’t bother anyone but it’s too much. I’ve wasted my life being depressed and now I’m too far gone. I’m so alone. I’ve dug myself into a hole that I can’t get out of.

Life's been a whirlwind lately, you know what I mean? I mean, one day you're planning your dreamy future with the "man of your dreams", and the next, you find yourself knee-deep in lawyer appointments and counseling sessions. Funny how things change, right? So, here's the scoop—I'm freshly divorced, and honestly, it's like an emotional rollercoaster I can't get off. Happy and sad, that's pretty much where I'm at. It's like, I'm finally breathing fresh air after being suffocated for years by my now-ex-husband, whose idea of a good time was knocking back one too many shots and then knocking me around. Yeah, it sounds shitty because it was.

At first, he wasn't like this. At first, he was Prince Charming. No, scratch that. More like the superhero of my dreams. This guy would bring me flowers randomly and plan these cute little dates under the stars. He was my ride-or-die until the booze became his best friend. I mean, just like that—snap! Our love went from sweet notes and silly selfies to shouting matches and wondering whether he'd come home or not. You ever felt relief mixed with a side of sadness? That's kinda where I'm at now. Leaving him was like shedding off an old, heavy coat that's been suffocating me in a hot summer; but damn if I don't miss those good times every now and then. Freaking nostalgia will kick your ass when you're least expecting it.

And there it is, my tale of being happy and sad all rolled into one messy ball. I'm free and breathing on my own and all that good stuff. It's like waking up to sunlight streaming through your window after being locked in a dark room for years, like I'm standing taller now, not weighed down by his vibe—or rather, whatever the hell he turned into. Yet, there's a part of me that clings onto the version of him that used to be loving, thoughtful, and genuinely my best buddy. The memories of our early days pop up like annoying internet ads, but I ain't falling for it again. I gotta keep reminding myself that love shouldn’t hurt—literally. Do you ever find yourself missing something that realistically never even existed? That version of him was as real as unicorns. Anyway, life goes on, and ain't nobody got time for that victim bullshit. I just gotta keep trucking along and, who knows, maybe stumble into real happiness this time. Sure, the sadness lingers, but I’m keeping it together, looking forward to a fresh chapter, and hey, maybe a little sparkle will come my way...

I'm almost 30. I swear I tried my absolute hardest to make a life for myself I wouldn't regret. I remember even from middle school age want to not-regret anything. I tried to make meaningful connections, do well in school, and be true to my desires.

I wanted a career I could be proud of, friendships and family I could count on, and most of all to fall in love.

I worked and worked and worked. I got into dental school and worked even harder. I hope you can understand how hard this was for me. I'm not naturally gifted. But I got through and graduated. I have at least a job now. I know that's good. But it's absolutely not enough. I thought if I fought my hardest I could make a life I love. But all I have is an empty life I hate.

My family cannot understand how I'm unmarried at this age. They are traditional and I have Indian heritage for context. My younger brother recently got married. After this my single status was very difficult for them to accept. I think now, they view me as unmarriable.

I have significant debt due to the cost of my education. I have full confidence I can pay it off within 4 years. But it is a constant source of stress for me.

I became very depressed during my education. And I have been diagnosed with major depression for 8 years. I did not take this lying down. I went to therapists. I'm seeing a therapist now. I've tried many medications. I've tried acupuncture, spiritual healing, and exercise/diet changes. But I couldn't shake it.

I have one good friend. But to be very honest with you they are someone who asks me for money consistently. I feel pathetic saying it, but it's the truth.

I think there is no escaping this terrible life. There is no chance for me to live happily now.

I know many many people are suffering in the same way I am. And my heart aches for them.

I want to know. Is there anyone who has been this low and found a good life after this? In my opinion, I am terminally ill and I fear there is no hope for me. I would appreciate any advice or perspectives.

atp im thinking that i dont deserve to have my own best friend so im planning to live alone (?) by next year. i mean..i do live with my parents but im not gonna hangout anymore. does anyone here can give me tips to be happy and feel contented even you're alone? id appreciate if you can give some so i can prepare for next year! 🥹