Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 9

or just my life>? 17/05/25

suffering is damaging truly. i've noticed the signs of it personally for a long time now. but it lead to me thinking of what the cause was? being a teenager in the middle of an exam season in which i prepared for since the beginning of the year. i feel excluded myself from life. the beauty of it, the leisure of socialising with others, partying, late-night talks. i truly did dissocialise myself for petty grades. a letter i subjected my life too. i cut off majority of my friends and the remainder only talk to me because they're afraid i might off myself. and hopelessly, i do hate it. nobody wants to be alone- but it's better than standing with a group who pretends to enjoy your presence. this led me to spiral completely, i skipped days from school and managed my own subjects at home to avoid socialising, to avoid that gut-wrenching feeling of anxiety whenever someone outed your name- someone looked your way. and the fact is- i'm to pussy to say anything. i always was.

i was always one to receive compliments growing up which was heart-warming but led to me becoming more self-conscious on remaining in my beautiful standard. the one which attracted, who never cried, who glowed. but now, i've been to the hospital for my low blood pressure and shoulder pains which i had inflicted on myself. i fed myself junk for days then deprived myself. having a fast metoblism innately didn't work in my favour. it led me to depending on food to fill that voice in my head. the pain of school- the devastation of life, the desire to be more beautiful, to have people who liked me for me and not who i was before. and now, with rib pain caused by anxiety, i remain in the same position questioning is my life pointless.

It starts in the morning, even before I’m fully awake. That subtle tightness in my chest, like a hand hovering just over my heart, not squeezing it yet but letting me know it’s there. The air feels a bit too heavy, my thoughts slightly too loud. I open my eyes and immediately scan the room, not for threats, but as if I’m checking whether the world still exists the way I left it the night before. I convince myself it does, but something still doesn’t sit right. This isn’t a panic attack—those I know well. This is something else, quieter but more persistent. A low hum in the background of everything I do. Some mornings it fades by lunch. Others, it sticks, lurking in the corners of my brain like a storm that never breaks. I go to work, interact with people, smile politely, laugh even. But internally, I brace. For what? I have no clue. That’s what makes it worse. It’s like my body knows a secret my mind can’t access.

I don’t catastrophize events; I’m not the kind of person who assumes the worst. I’m grounded in logic, in fact, in reason. But still, this eerie anticipation of disaster follows me around like a shadow. I’ll be walking down the street, enjoying the breeze, and suddenly be gripped with the sense that someone I love is about to die. Or that something irreversible will happen. Not in a dramatic, cinematic way—but more like I’m emotionally prepped for a call that says, “It’s too late now.” And I hate how familiar that feels. The worst part is, I don’t have any evidence for this constant dread. Nothing’s happened. Nothing is happening. My life, objectively speaking, is stable. I have a job, I pay my bills, I eat my vegetables. But somehow, I’m never really relaxed. Even in moments of supposed peace, I’m scanning for signs. Is that a weird sound from the fridge or is it going to catch fire? Did my sister sound off on the phone or is she hiding something serious? And this isn’t about control or anxiety management. It’s just this cold, nauseating certainty that something is coming, something I can't see.

People say to focus on what you can control, right? Do the deep breathing, get enough sleep, maybe even journal it out. But I’ve tried. And I do these things not because I expect them to fix me, but because I want to believe I’m not passively waiting for doom to arrive. The dread still seeps in though, like fog under a door. I don’t think this feeling makes me broken, but it does make me tired. Chronically. It’s exhausting to live like a warning siren that never gets turned off. Friends tell me I need a vacation. Maybe I do. But how do you rest when your gut keeps telling you the world’s about to tilt on its axis? I don’t want to be one of those people who walks around acting like they’re psychic, like they just “feel” things—but I can’t ignore the part of me that believes there’s truth in this fear. A truth I don’t want to discover too late.

Am I the only one who lives with this kind of mental static? That quiet, persistent buzz of existential alarm? Maybe someone out there can relate to what I’m saying. Or maybe I’m just oversensitive, overaware, overwired. But what if I’m not? What if this strange intuition is actually a warning I’m supposed to heed? I don’t even know what I would do differently if I knew for sure something bad was about to happen; I already walk on eggshells with everything I love. This isn’t a cry for help or attention—it’s more like logging an observation, like documenting a pattern that no one else can see. And I just wish I could explain it in a way that makes sense. Because as much as I sound composed now, there are moments when the weight of this feeling is too much to carry without breaking into pieces.

i have to admit, i sometimes find myself scrolling through porn sites, looking for something to kill time or just satisfy that curiosity. it’s not like i’m addicted or anything; i could go weeks without hitting that play button. but when i do, it makes me wonder if it’s bad for me? i mean, i can’t be the only one questioning this, right? 🤔 every time i watch something, i feel a bit guilty, like there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me it's a waste of time. is it lowering my standards for real-life intimacy, or is it just a normal thing to do for a dude my age?

most of what i see is so exaggerated and just plain ridiculous. these people look unreal, and it makes me think if i’m ever going to meet someone who’s got that kind of body or skills. i mean, do i have unrealistic expectations now? who knows? all those perfect angles and lighting make the whole thing seem so fake. yet, here i am, clicking on the thumbnails, falling into that same trap over and over. sometimes, after i’m done, i feel like i’ve wasted a good chunk of my evening, just staring at a screen when i could’ve been hanging out with my friends or playing video games. 🤦‍♂️

the whole industry seems messed up too, like there’s a lot of sketchy stuff happening behind the scenes. consent issues, exploitation, and all that nonsense. it’s kinda hard to enjoy something knowing that there could be some dark underbelly involved. should i be feeling guilty for watching? am i just supporting a system that thrives on all of that? it’s tough to reconcile the enjoyment of something that may have such a questionable ethical side. i guess i sometimes feel like a hypocrite, trying to digest content that could potentially harm someone else. ugh.

and let’s be real, when i compare it with actual physical connections with people, it’s a whole different ballgame. yeah, seeing hot stuff online is fun, but can’t match the thrill of actually being with someone. so, is it really worth it? it’s like, am i trading real experiences for something so artificial? what’s the point? at the end of the day, i think it might just boil down to personal choice. but honestly, i’m curious about what everyone else thinks. is porn bad or what? are we just using it as a coping mechanism or is there something deeper going on? let’s talk about it. 💭

I woke up last weekend to a rude awakening. My parents decided to downsize to a smaller place—a choice I can somewhat understand for practicality’s sake—but they took it a step too far. They threw away every single one of my childhood toys. I’m 31 years old; I thought I had grown past the sentimental value of plastic action figures and stuffed animals. Apparently, I was wrong. The moment I found out, an overwhelming wave of nostalgia crashed over me.

I remember the first time I got my LEGO set. I spent hours constructing castles and spaceships, imagining epic battles and adventures. Those toys were more than just plastic; they were the building blocks of my imagination. The G.I. Joe figures had more strategic battles than most war movies, while my Hot Wheels collection was my first foray into competitive racing. I’m angry because my childhood was ripped away just like that. The toys were relics of a simpler time, encapsulating joy and creativity. Did they even consider the emotional ROI before discarding my collection?

It’s frustrating, really. How could they make such a decision without consulting me? "They don’t understand," I told one of my friends. "Parents think their kids just grow up and forget, but that’s not true." Those toys were symbols of my youth, representing treasured memories, laughter, and sometimes even solitude. I don’t think many adults really grasp that; the importance of childhood possessions often gets dismissed. It's usually just "junk" to them. I was in a state of absolute disarray when I found out; my emotional response was uncharacteristic for someone my age, and for a moment, I felt completely irrational. 🤬

Now, I find myself in a void, a vacuum devoid of those precious artifacts that sculpted my early years. I can't help but wonder if any of you have endured a similar fate. Have you lost your treasured childhood items too? What was it like for you when you realized your memories had vanished? Somewhere in all this, I'm left questioning what truly matters in life; is it the memories formed through interaction or the objects themselves? Just like that, my childhood toys were gone, and with them, a part of my identity seemed to vanish as well.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be packing my bags with an overwhelming sense of relief. You see, I recently discovered that my wife had been unfaithful. At first, it hit me like a punch in the gut—I was blindsided. Society often romanticizes the concept of forgiveness, but after countless sleepless nights and heart-wrenching conversations, I realized that this wasn’t a situation I wanted to mend. Sure, she feels guilty now. She cries and pleads for another chance as if our once-happy marriage could magically return to its former glory. But honestly, I don’t care if she cries. Years of my life spent trying to make it work only to have it crumble because she couldn't stay faithful? That’s on her now. Frankly, it feels liberating to embrace the idea of moving on. 😌

I’m 39, and I’ve spent much of my life trying to please others, always prioritizing their needs over my own. It’s exhausting, to say the least. I've learned that sometimes, to protect your own well-being, you must prioritize your happiness. I remember a quote from Rumi, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” I think I’ve been wounded enough. I’ve been nurturing the hope of a clean slate for quite some time now—because life is too short to wallow in despair. I deserve more—compassion, excitement, and a partner who genuinely values what we built together. No more pity parties or playing the eternal victim in a sad love story. This chapter of my life is closing, and I can almost hear the pages turning.

The thing is, life goes on. I have finally come to understand that personal freedom is far more valuable than a toxic relationship. Understanding my worth has turned a vital corner in my journey of self-discovery. If you’ve ever been in a situation like mine, let me ask you, does the weight of someone else's guilt really matter if you've already made the decision to move forward? Sure, it’s emotional and painful—no one wants to look back and see all the wistful moments being tainted. However, it's crucial to remember that we are not the mistakes we've made or the company we keep. Learning to let go and find solace in solitude has opened up a new perspective on life. I am optimistic about my future, and there's a beautiful world outside waiting for me to explore. Here’s to new beginnings! 🎉

Hi,

Today is May 16, 2025.

I've tried to ignore my feelings for a very long time now, I've been struggling between different situations, and I'm not sure how long would I be able to keep it up.

It is like today, all the bad feelings impregnated to my brian, are taking over my head.

Today, I feel ugly, fat, not a very successful person, I feel stuck, I'm not progressing, I feel lonely, I'm not a valuable person.

I feel insecure when I look myself in the mirror, I see an ugly person, like there is nothing I can do to change that, I don't like people to stare at me, as I feel, they are disgusted of what they are seeing. I'm financially broke, I have only enough money to eat and basic necessities.

In my job, I feel helpless, a nuisance. It is something new, so I don't have the skills required to execute in that role, but no one is helping, I don't like to bother my colleagues, but I don't understand what I'm doing. I tried to applied for a different job, but they are not contacting me, they are not interested in me, I've received only rejections (another thing to add to make me feel less valuable).

I work from home, so I don't really have so many people I can speak to, it is very difficult to see my few friends, and my sister is always busy, and I don't really like to bother them with my problems.

My spouse doesn't help me either, he doesn't make me feel supported. I feel stressed out around him. He doesn't make me feel loved. I feel he likes to control us and impose us, otherwise, he will get mad, start yelling and insult us, not only me, but my kids too. How I'm capable to tolerate this, what's wrong with me? There are some things we both like, like the music, anime, cinema, technology, but we lack some others, like the adventure, to know new places, to get to know new people. I know we are different people, and we are not supposed to like the same things, but I consider these things very important in my life. When we go vacationing, it turns very uncomfortable, because he begins to see negativity in people and place, he starts making a fuss over a simple thing, which makes me feel uneasy, I've decided not to go with him anywhere. He tries to minimize my older son (who is not his biological son), always highlighting his flaws, making him feel stupid, or useless. Actually, he tries to minimize everybody. I'm trying to understand him, because he had a very difficult childhood (abandonment), but I feel it is not fair for us to tolerate his behavior. I'm not sure if I should leave him, as I know even thought, I'm financially broken, he helps with the house bills and some of the chores.

My mother suffocates me too, she has been always controlling my actions, my motherhood, my adulthood, she doesn't let me be. I think I married, so I could scape from her, controlling my life. My mother was always at home to raise us, so she didn't have like a real social life, besides my siblings and me, so she spoiled us so much, mostly my little brother (who doesn't work nor study), and that's what we are afraid of my sons, as they are so spoiled by my mom. When I try to make distance, she makes me feel guilty for leaving her, for ignoring her. Like I'm attacking her. I'm not sure it was because of her, that I have so many insecurities, and complexities. She was always controlling my father, because my father was and still is a cheater and a sexist, but they are still living together, tolerating each other.

Could this be the reason I'm tolerating my husband too?

Am I guilt of my whole situation?

i hope i am using this site correctly! for context, im a girl & in high school. so, about a week ago, my friend told me that a friend of her boyfriend likes me. even though i didn’t know him super well, i remembered him from a class we had a year prior and how i always had a little crush on him. the news came as a huge surprise to me because no one has ever liked me before. after 2 days of freaking out, my friend convinced me to add him on snap (i barely use it, and had to hype myself up for an hour to do so haha). then my friend told me that he wouldn’t be messaging me and didn’t want to pursue anything. she said he doesn’t feel ready for a relationship right now because of college & general major life events which i understand. even so, i was really upset. i still feel overdramatic haha. he still likes me though, and i like him. apparently he wouldn’t mind being friends but he also hasn’t done anything to contact me in days so i’m not sure. i know this is probably not a big deal but this is pretty huge to me. i want to at least get to know him, but im super nervous to talk to him. he’s also graduating soon and i don’t want to just ignore it and let him go if i have a chance. advice would be really appreciated, idk what im doing :,)

I've struggled with weight issues and eating ever since I was 9, I'm 15 now and I'm now kinda of aware I ain't fat but I feel it. It was never that bad but now the last 4 months it's gotten so bad, i eat a bit and feel like I've js ate a whole buffet and I get so bloated I geniunely feel like I could explode, the smells of my fav foods makes me feel sick, the sight, smell, even hearing ppl talking abt food makes me feel sick, idk if I have an ed but im struggling sm rn, I barely eat cuz I just can't, I had some watermelon like 6 hours ago I still feel bloated and sick as fuck, this first started when I wanted to lose weight but now I've lost some and I feel okay in my body but I js can't bring myself to eat. and then my mum she never understands istg she said "u cant js starve urself for 10+ hours (she said this bc from the time I wake up to coming back from school (5pm) I don't eat anything) and then go n drink energy drinks n chocolate" I bought chocolate today. it's been weeks. she's js making me feel worse saying I need to eat protein n not stuff my face in chocolate like what. she used to be so understanding n now she says this? ig what I'm tryna say is what can I do to feel normal again and be able to eat? even water makes me sick. idk what to do anymore.

I moved schools a few months ago and I love it sm and I met this guy about a month ago and he's great I really do mean that and he's liked me I think ever since we met (his friends are always making jokes when I'm around and I've been told by many people) and that's very sweet and I could see myself w him but idk if I'm ready to date, I've dated before but idk I feel like I'm awkward and would fuck things up, I really do enjoy talking to him he's really nice but idk I don't wanna ruin things and then we stop talking

It’s kind of stupid. I don’t even really know how to say it, or why I feel the need to throw it out here. But here I am.

Today’s my ex’s birthday.
We broke up over two years ago. We were together for four. And still, every damn year, May 16th hits me like a total bitch.

I try to carry on like it’s a normal day, but it’s not. It never is. I close my eyes and she’s *right there*. The memories come rushing back before I can stop them. Not really the good ones, even though there were a few, but mostly the bad. The heavy. The ones that never really let go.

It was the worst relationship of my life. I’m really not exaggerating it. I’m won’t get into the details—this isn’t the place, and honestly, I don’t want to go back there more than I already am. But it was toxic. Emotionally violent. Draining in ways I still don’t have words for.
And yet—part of me is *still* stuck there. Still trapped in a past I hate with every part of me.

I’ve tried to move forward. Tried to rebuild. And on the outside, it looks like I have. I’m stronger now. Sharper. She’s been gone from my life for ages; we don’t talk, we don’t see each other, we live in different worlds.
But today, I can’t fake it. I can’t pretend May 16th doesn’t mean something. That it doesn’t *still* mess me up.

I hate feeling this way. This ugly, twisted mix of pain, nostalgia, and quiet anger I don’t know where to put. It makes no sense. I didn’t ask for it. I don’t want it. I don’t *deserve* it.
But it’s here. So I’m saying it. Because maybe it’ll helps.
Maybe dragging this invisible weight into the light makes it just a little easier to carry.

So, I get it—long-distance relationships usually end up a mess, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. Honestly, at the beginning it wasn't even that bad. We texted all the time, FaceTimed every night, and had this playlist we'd both add songs to, which was actually kinda nice. It felt like it was working, you know? But, obviously, things changed. A couple weeks ago, he hit me with the classic "this isn’t really what I’m looking for," which, to translate, meant he wanted someone closer who he could actually see in real life. Logically, yeah, it makes sense. But emotionally? It sucks. Like, why couldn't I see this coming? I'm constantly replaying the conversations, dissecting every tiny thing he said, as if it's going to change something. Spoiler alert: it doesn't.

The worst part is how stupid I feel. Like, I know exactly what's happening—I studied psychology in class; I'm familiar with terms like "confirmation bias" and "emotional dependency." But knowing the fancy terms doesn't stop my brain from obsessing. My friends don't help either. All their advice boils down to useless phrases like "there’s plenty of fish in the sea," or "just move on already." Thanks, genius, I hadn't thought of that! 🙄 Even when I distract myself—studying, hanging out with friends, whatever—he pops into my head again. It's genuinely annoying how the human brain works sometimes. Why do we get stuck obsessing over people who clearly don't feel the same? Is that, like, some kind of biological programming to make life extra complicated for no reason?

But what's even more irritating is that I'm fully aware of how dumb I'm being, yet I can't seem to shake it. Like, it's almost insulting how clearly I can see my own irrational behavior, yet I can't actually change it. One of my friends bluntly told me yesterday that it’s basically like going through withdrawal from an addiction—except the "addiction" was him. And yeah, I've read about it, it's literally chemical: dopamine, serotonin, all those things we talked about in biology. But knowing I'm just experiencing some stupid brain reaction doesn't actually fix anything. It doesn't erase how awful it feels. Seriously, is there some cheat code to getting over someone, or am I stuck waiting for my brain to finally stop being so ridiculously stubborn?

I feel like I don't want people's pity or their complaints anymore—I don't know if a previous post of mine is online—I don't want her. I don't want any more rescues. This is what my mother was getting at. That woman only lived to point out what was wrong with me, going to extremes for God's sake, and supported by others. All her life, that woman has lived to pressure and thus intervene with me. What's the point of having someone as a slave? That's why she had her mother and me. Until when? It bothers me because I feel like I can't say bad things here, otherwise, I feel like I'd be breaking the rules.

I hate my mother. I never want to see her again. Since my treatment, she's turned out to be the person I hate the most, even more than my aunt. Manipulative, cynical, and also someone who deceives people by using people who don't share what she claims. That's what deception is all about. My mother is a criminal, a person who simply thrives on adventure, doing things her way, and she likes it. How can anyone practice that? How can anyone like such practices? Has my mother lost her mind, for God's sake? How could my mother go to such extremes? God forbid. This is too much. I can't be with someone like that, nor should anyone. What's that? On top of that, using my grandmother to get me to come to her house, luring me in through pity. Damn, what kind of mentality is that, for God's sake? My mother needs a psychologist or to be locked up in a mental hospital immediately, or I'd even include being behind bars. I can't believe these attitudes I picked up from my mother, even though I'm aware of this. How could she like my mother? How can my grandmother support that? Have they lost their minds?

My mother was even willing to go to the university to see if I had earned my degree, when that's a matter for me, for my adulthood. It can't be that the university gave her information about this. I can't believe my mom went to elaborate or make my situation worse regarding this issue. What happened to the degree wasn't her problem. My mom even said I should do it for her happiness, for God's sake. How could that woman have believed I would act for her happiness? In the places where I received care for my treatment, they took away my degree. I'm going to have to burn it to avoid any further trouble. It can't be that people wanted to mess with my degree. Besides, they're thinking about my future when I've been separated from them for a long time. My life isn't their problem, and I've proven it on several occasions. It can't be that my mom didn't understand that, as well as other family members. And at this point! I waited until they were more vulnerable to make a bigger suggestion! What mental misery, for God's sake! I can't believe this; this is damn abuse. I can't believe this happened to me; frankly, I can't believe it. I feel extremely confused. It's definitive that I can't have anything with this family; if I do anything, they'll want to say it's theirs. They'll make excuses. I can't continue wasting my time with them. This attitude is too much.

My mother asking crazy questions, inquiring about my life, just like my aunt did when I never wanted to share my life with them. I mean, this is an abuse of their authority as housewives. This is shocking. I'm never dealing with any of them again, under any circumstances. They pushed me to the limit. It can't be that my own family pushed me to the limit. My mom leaves me alone at university, everywhere, even though I tell her things to her face. How many times has that woman tried to make me look bad on the street because of my treatment? That woman made a living by making me angry, for God's sake. My aunt was worse; she only made a living by pressuring me more and more, just like her. I can never go back to these relatives. Living with them is a failure, it's impossible. It's not even stable when I'm not there, where everyone imposes themselves on her or the other way around. I don't know how my father could have thought of living with her, just when I was feeling bad. I find it hard to believe my father didn't really want to kill me, when this was the case and he'd known it for a long time.

Why did my father send me to live with two crazy women? Maybe whatever was wrong with me wouldn't kill me, but putting up with them would have killed me. I mean, frankly, they were unbearable. No human being can live with such miserable people. I personally am grateful for having maintained zero distance from them at all costs. If they thought there would be any gratitude from me, they were wrong. In fact, it was a way for both of us to gradually escape, to run away from there at all costs. I preferred to go home to be alone, despite all the consequences there had been and would be. That treatment was so unnecessary, I mean, it was the worst because it made me need company and my life is made for that I'm alone; that joke didn't take me seriously, it was as if life couldn't conspire with the system, and that's why I feel so excluded from it.

I feel so furious about what happened. So angry. I'm about to break everything that's ever been and ever will be. It can't be that I had to live through that. It can't be that it happened to me. I feel so angry. And on top of that, those women, my mom and my aunt, trying to see me again. How nauseating. I mean, they have no shame. After all the mess they made, even my aunt pressured me to stay at her house! They have no shame. They want me to act like nothing's happening to put up with them, and no, definitely not. I'd rather they put them through the worst possible time, but I'm not going to risk it for them. As expected, sooner or later the storm hit. It didn't happen at first, but then it finally hit. How eager they were to think that I wouldn't react, that I wouldn't do anything. How careless, for God's sake. I've always been one of those people who flaunts the truth, with prudence, but when they want to escape, what choice do I have? I have no choice but to act this way, under pressure from that same way of acting. I feel like these women are looking for some kind of companion in life, something like that, but I'm not there for them, and they do everything they can—coerce, play group games, etc.—to make it happen. I say it categorically: I would never share my life with them. And then come and impose this on me? In effect, they saw me as a toy, a little bag to be molded. That's a miserable mentality, for God's sake!

My bf has had some troubles since he was very young when it come to sexual pleasure and to self pleasure as well.

We've been together 5 years now and 4 of them were very long distance. It was a bit of a problem even then since his sex drive on long distance was very high while mine not. We have moved now together and we've been living with eachother for almost a year. Our sex life hasn't been very intense but thats bc we both work a lot and fitness-wise we aren't that active. That, we dont mind, we've talked about it and it's enough for both.

But last holidays he went online and started sexting with an other girl including pictures. She was a stranger and he hasnt talked to her (from what i knwo) again. Last week it happened again and it was a different stranger. I know him well enough to know that he truly isnt the type to go and cheat but that self pleasure and sexual urge is very strong sometimes and he doesnt think about it clearly in the moment.

We have of course discussed it and he was the one to let me know later that evening bc he couldn't leep it anymore. It wasnt even that I or he didnt want to have intercourse but I was on my period and we dont do anything in the time of the month.

What hurts more ig is that this time instead of being at work while he did that i was in our office playing online with others and he was in the living room. Somehow that makes it worse? I cant explain it but it hasn't bothered me like this before. Last time i completely brushed it off and even forgot about it bc I understand him.

Idk what to think and how to handle this and i dont have anyone else to talk about it except for him bc he is my best friend as well.

I really love him and its not black and white. I just want to find a way to handle this.

Man, I just gotta get this off my chest, like for real. I’m 16, right? And my relationship with my mom is the absolute worst. It’s crazy how different she is with my little sister, like she practically worships her or something. It’s like they’re best friends and I’m just... there. 😕

Every time I walk into the room, it feels like I’m stepping into a battlefield; she gives me this look that just screams annoyance. Like, what’s up with that? It’s not like I’m a total jerk or anything. I mean, I try to keep it chill, but every little thing I do just seems to set her off. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” is basically her daily mantra. Seriously, how am I supposed to compete with someone who can do no wrong? It’s exhausting. 😤 My sister is sweet and always gets the praise. I don’t blame her, she’s cool, but jeez, a little love for the older sibling wouldn’t hurt either! I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around my mom. Even things like asking her for a favor seem to ignite a volcanic eruption. “I’m too busy, why don’t you just handle it yourself?” Like, okay, I get that you have a lot to juggle, but come on, don’t I deserve a little consideration? I mean, it’s only fair. I’m a teen trying to navigate life and school and whatever else comes my way. Just last week, I asked her if she could help me with some school project ideas. She hardly listened and just told me to Google it. Like, really? I get that independence is important and all, but there’s a fine line between being supportive and being dismissive. 😒 My friends joke around about their moms being “just a little bit overprotective,” but I’m over here just wishing for some attention!

I honestly can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve this treatment. I’ve tried talking to her about it but every time I bring it up, she makes me feel like I'm whining. “You need to toughen up,” she says. I’m like, what am I supposed to do with that? It’s not like I’m asking her to hand me everything on a silver platter. I just want some recognition, you know? Like... occasionally ask about my day or show a little interest when I’m venting about a bad test or a friendship issue. But nah, it’s always about my sister's dance competitions or her latest cute outfit. I can’t help but feel like a second-class citizen in my own home. It’s frustrating, to say the least. And the worst part? When my friends are over and see how affectionate she is with my sister, they definitely notice the strong contrast. You could cut the tension with a knife! 😳 I can’t help but wonder if she even realizes she’s doing it. Maybe she’s caught up in her own world and just doesn’t see me. I’m there, but I feel invisible. It’s kind of like being the background character in a movie where everyone else gets the spotlight. Is it wrong that I want to yell, “Hey! I’m here too!” I constantly catch myself daydreaming about what it would be like to have a mom who genuinely had my back. It sounds simple, right? Just someone who’s on my side, cheering me on instead of the constant critic. Is that too much to ask?

I hear my friends tell stories about their moms and I can’t help but feel this wave of jealousy wash over me. They have those heart-to-heart chats that I would honestly die for. 🤦‍♂️ Real talk, have I done something specific that triggered this? Or does she just have a weird preference? Why does it feel like I'm in competition for her affection? I don’t need to be her favorite, but a little balance would be nice! So yeah, sometimes I just wanna scream, "I hate my mom," but deep down, I know that it’s not really that simple. I guess in some ways, I still want her to notice me. I don't know, maybe I'm imagining it all, but it sure feels real to me. Thanks for hearing me out, this has been building up for a minute!

We all have those times when we take a good long look at our lives and think, "Wow, my family is basically toxic." Yeah, that’s me, sitting here at 17, kind of over all the crap I’ve had to deal with since I was little; like, when did it become completely normal for people who are supposed to love and support you to treat you like you’re some low-life piece of trash? I mean, seriously? It’s been this way as far back as I can remember, and sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels like this or if it’s just me – does anyone else out there have a family that just doesn’t know how to be nice? It’s like I’ve been living in a sitcom that got canceled after one season, with a cast of characters who just can’t figure out how to act right. I constantly find myself waiting for the finish line of high school to come into sight because that’s when I know I can finally break free. You know, the moment where I can just stand up and say, “Screw you all! I’m outta here!” But here I am, still enduring endless lectures from my parents about how I’m not good enough or how I need to shape up because apparently, my life goals were decided by them when they thought having kids would be a walk in the park. How do they expect me to thrive when I feel suffocated by all their demands? It’s maddening! It’s disheartening to think that I’m surrounded by people who don’t even see my potential, who seem to want to keep me small and miserable. Like, where’s the understanding? Where’s the compassion? Where’s the basic human decency? I’ve tried to talk to them about how I feel, but every time I open my mouth, it’s like throwing a paper plane into a hurricane; all it does is get torn apart and blown away. Have you ever had a conversation that felt like you were speaking a completely different language? I can’t count the number of times I’ve faced resentment just for wanting to express my thoughts. It’s as if my voice doesn't even exist; it’s frustrating because I have dreams, aspirations, actual plans of how to better my life. I want to work hard and make something of myself, but instead of encouragement, I get subjected to eye rolls and dismissive comments. It’s unhealthy and toxic, and there’s no other way to put it! Honestly, I’d rather be alone than in a house where I’m constantly reminded of my so-called shortcomings; I have no clue how they think this is going to help me in the long run. And, sure, they say they care; of course, they do! But their version of care seems to be wrapped in criticism and negativity, which makes me roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised I don’t see my brain. There’s nothing quite like feeling like the black sheep of the family, which is ironic because I sometimes wish I could turn into a literal sheep and just roam peacefully, far away from all the chaos. Even when we’re all sitting together for dinner, it feels like a battleground where every stare cuts deeper than a knife. You can cut the tension with a knife; it’s palpable! The silences are more deafening than the arguments, where everyone just eats in a hollow, uncomfortable silence, avoiding each other’s gazes like I'm some kind of alien invading their planet; and for what? I’m just trying to survive here! I guess the only silver lining is that I’m learning resilience. I’m becoming stronger with each drama-filled day. I’m looking forward to the moment I can fly away and create a life that is mine, free from emotional blackmail; it’s almost like my own personal rebellion! I keep reminding myself that this toxic environment doesn’t define who I am or what I can achieve. I hope to find my own supportive community outside of this mess, a place where people encourage you to chase your dreams and don’t tear you down at every opportunity. I know there’s a world out there full of kindness and warmth, waiting for me to find it! Yes, I may have a toxic family, but I believe I can break this cycle! How many of you feels this way too? Isn’t it time we all just took charge of our own narratives and molded them into something beautiful?