Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 8

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like no matter what I do, he’s always in my head, like a song stuck on repeat that I never even meant to play. I keep telling myself to move on, to focus on other things, but then something happens—some tiny, stupid thing—and I’m right back where I started.

I see his name pop up on my phone, and my heart does that annoying little flip, even if it’s just a random meme he sent in the group chat. I pass by the hallway at school where we used to sit together, and I swear I can still hear us laughing, like some kind of ghost of what we used to be. And that’s the worst part—there was a “we” once. Maybe not in the way I wanted, not in the way I dreamed about late at night when I stared at my ceiling, wondering if he ever thought about me like I thought about him. But he was in my life, and now he’s not, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I tried, I really did. I deleted our old messages, I stopped looking for him in every crowd, I even forced myself to talk to other guys just to prove to myself that he wasn’t that special. But itt didn’t work. It’s like my brain refuses to let him go, like it’s clinging onto every little memory, every dumb inside joke, every time he smiled at me in that way that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. And maybe he never meant to make me feel that way. Maybe it was all in my head, some fantasy I built up because I wanted it to be real so badly. But even if it was just me, it still felt real, and that’s what makes it so hard. I hate how pathetic I sound, like some cliche lovesick girl in a bad romance movie, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I tell myself he doesn’t even think about me anymore, that he’s probably moved on without a second thought, and maybe that’s true. But what if it’s not? What if he misses me too, but he’s just better at hiding it?

What if I gave up too soon, what if I should have tried harder, what if this feeling means something and I’m just letting it slip away? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, except that every time I think I’m okay, something pulls me back to him, and I hate it, but at the same time, I don’t want it to end. Because if I stop thinking about him, then what’s left? Just me, alone, with nothing but the empty space where he used to be.

I’ve never been good at the whole social thing. It’s not like I hate people or anything, I just… don’t know what to do around them. I’m 30, I work in IT, and I spend most of my time either at my job or at home. If I’m being honest, I don’t really have friends. Not real ones, at least. There are coworkers I talk to, sure, but it’s all surface-level. Small talk about projects, the occasional joke, maybe a conversation about whatever new tech is trending. But it never goes beyond that. No one’s inviting me out for drinks after work, no one’s texting me on weekends to hang out. I see other people who have their group of friends, who go to game nights or out to dinner, and I wonder how they even got there. At what point do you go from “just coworkers” to actual friends? Because for me, that part never seems to happen. I go to work, I do my job, I go home, and that’s my life. And honestly? It’s starting to feel… empty.

I know I should be more social, but I have no idea HOW. I tried going to a meetup once—some group for people in tech who like gaming. Seemed perfect, right? But the second I walked in, it felt like everyone already knew each other. They were talking, laughing, making plans for things outside of the group, and I just stood there awkwardly, pretending to be interested in my phone. Eventually, someone started a conversation with me, and for a minute, I felt okay. But then the conversation shifted, people started making jokes I didn’t really get, and just like that, I was back to feeling like an outsider. It’s not that they were rude or anything. They were just… normal. Comfortable. And I wasn’t. So I left early, told myself I’d try again next time, but I never went back. That’s the thing—every time I try, it feels like it doesn’t work, like I just don’t fit in. So what’s the point in putting myself through that?

The worst part is, I actually want to connect with people. I don’t want to be the guy who spends every weekend alone, eating takeout and scrolling through Reddit, watching other people live their lives. I want to be part of something. But the idea of putting myself out there again, just to feel like I don’t belong, is exhausting. And the longer I stay in this cycle, the harder it feels to break out of it. I tell myself I’ll start saying yes to things—yes to after-work drinks, yes to social events—but when the time comes, I just make an excuse. Oh, I’m too tired. Oh, I have work to do. But the truth is, I’m just scared. Scared that even if I show up, I’ll still be the guy standing off to the side, not really part of anything. And honestly? That feeling is worse than just being alone in the first place.

So where does that leave me? I don’t know. Maybe the trick isn’t to force myself into social situations where I feel uncomfortable, but to start small. Maybe I should try to connect with just one person instead of an entire group. Maybe I should stop overthinking every conversation, worrying about whether I’m saying the right thing, and just… talk. I don’t expect to suddenly become the life of the party, but I don’t want to keep feeling this way either. There’s gotta be a way to get better at this, to feel like I actually belong somewhere. I just have to figure out how.

I can't take it anymore. My parents have never supported me in anything, when I want to move forward, they hold me back. I just need to go.

I want advice, I am planning to ask my cousin or friends to let me stay there at their house until I find some work and from there I'll figure it out. I've been advised to not forget my documents and take some money. What else can I do?

It takes a village. You need to work on building your village. I feel I have but many times it’s confirmed my village is not very robust or even existent. It’s heartbreaking. People are nice enough for awhile but then don’t (or “can’t”) show up when you really need it. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?

I can’t find internships, I’m under qualified for everything. Every project and program I’ve applied to I got rejected. I have no clue what is going on in my courses I have no idea how I am passing. I look around everyone has things under control working on outside projects, having jobs and still having a social life not to mention great grades and I am here spending an entire week doing the most stupid assignment and idk atp

Everyone tells me to enjoy my uni years as they are the most fun and interesting years I will experience. The thing is I realized a place means nothing without having people in it. For the past year and a half I’ve tried looking for “my people” I went to every society event I could think of and I met so many people but I never got close to anyone. They always came in groups I was always alone and was hard to blend with them. I always reached out to them first and not once did I get a random message from anyone I’ve met. I was fine with being alone, studying at the library alone, going to cafes and events alone I didn’t mind it I found them chances to meet people but now I can’t stand it after mowing how hard I’ve tried so that I wouldn’t have to do these things alone. I’m fine with being alone but I just don’t want to have to be alone all the time. I get really frustrated and mad when I see the people I know post on their stories their hang outs and events they go to. I feel very left out and bored. I really did try I swear I’ve lost my dignity practically trying my best and always being happy and cheerful and fun to be around but I’m getting really tiered of it. I’ve lost all interest in everything

I've been trying. I've been really trying to be better. But nothing i've tried really works. Whenever i looks like i took a step foward i take two back. I don't know what to do. Lately things have been only getting worse. And i think my anxiety Is getting worse too. And i'm so tired. I'm so tired of feeling anxious. I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of feeling so horrible. I feel like i'm ruining everything. All over again. And i feel like i'm dragging my loved ones down with me. They don't deserve that. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this. But i don't know how to fix It. The more i think about, the more i think that maybe i'm a bad person, and that maybe i can't fix anything afterall.

Honestly my dad is a massive bitch and im so close to losing my shit. Everyone i talk to just goes like “oh but he’s your dad” ok but im his daughter. He’s supposed to be the man i look up to, he’s supposed to be an example for me to look at for the future, he’s supposed to be my father but honestly all i see him as is just a nuisance. All he does is complain and complain all day. He’s spent thousands of money over a game while me and my siblings are over here starving some nights.

Sometimes i feel like sort of a burden. No one really talks to me, i usually have to start conversations. Or when the other person starts the conversation its just a quick one and they give off that they dont wanna talk to me. Maybe its just me but i miss being someone’s first choice. Would anyone choose me as their first option, or will i always be the side friend who people come to for advice only.

It’s pretty tiring but it’s ok, i have my gf. We dont talk much bc we’re both busy most days but i love her so much

Oh to be in my girlfriend’s arms again..

I hate life :D

I always say or do something I don't mean, and then I can't apologise for what I said because I don't remember what I said. and I'm starting to think I have some serious memory problems because I can't remember a 2 hour concert. I don't remember what the songs were called, the faces of the people who performed, the songs themselves, I can't even remember the applause. All I remember from that night was the silly sound the band director made at the end of describing one of the songs, the sound was supposed to be the cry of a unicorn that was dying or something. And my mom's just like "oh it's your ADHD." Maybe that's it, but if I can't remember a two hour long concert or even a sentence I said or something I did it's gotta be something more than neurodivergence. I feel sick because I think I said or did something today that was insensitive, but I don't remember what it was, just that one of my friends was like "Don't do that, can't you see that's not what it is?" BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. OR WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE ME SAY IT. and now I feel horrible, like I want to throw up then crawl in a hole and fucking die. And why shouldn't I? nobody will fucking miss me. I'm a nuisance, a burden on this world. I have become cumbersome to this world, to my friendgroup. I feel like I should relieve them of the burden that is myself. also me and some of my friends (B and E) are writing a story. E came up with the idea. We each have a character that we designed. But now I feel like I've completely taken over the story. E isn't on the doc much, and B is sometimes but only comments random things, never types anything himself. and I feel like I've just taken full control and I hate it when I do that, mostly because I do it on accident but I just got so many ideas and now I feel like quitting completely and letting the other two write it without me because I feel like they feel like I'm bossy and I don't want them upset with me. and my parents are also mad at me because my grades. I can't turn shit in because I lose it, or I don't finish it. Because literally every little thing fucking distracts me. I can't pay attention, I can't find my assignments, and my grades go to shit. I'm just so done with shit. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

Hi so basically i love my gf she’s genuinely the best i wish i was always there for her. Genuinely life would be so much easier if we lived together . We both have family issues and yearn the day that we actually go pick out an apartment and live together for the rest of our lives ..

we’ve been dating for almost a year and im so excited for the day that we officially get to one whole year of dating. I feel like time passed by so fast. When i first asked her to be my gf i was so nervous i even went to ask her friend for advice and when she said yes i was just a smiling mess the whole day at skl.

God i love this girl so much I genuinely wanna marry her. It probably sounds stupid since im 16 but i mean it with my whole heart, shes the best thing that’s ever happened to me and i cant imagine my world without her

Im gna go fucking insane in this household , not a day goes by without my dad demanding shit or threaten to beat me and my siblings. Im just sitting in my room and he comes in, i got up to greet him and he got so fucking mad at me???

I swear im so sick of people telling me to enjoy my teenage years when i have a shitty dad and school stress is at its peak. I cant do anything without being criticised.

When my first semester grades cane out i got 5 Fs. Yes i know its a lot but i was in and out of the hospital and constantly absent. I was so scared to show my dad i just cried to my mom for a solid 30 minutes then went upstairs and tried to calm myself. I went to the bathroom and passed out for a literal HOUR and no one came in to check on me

But oh Of course my dad had to be the one to check on me after an hour. He was banging on the door and when i unlocked it i was still on the floor, he just kept yelling at me and telling me i was fine and probably faking it just so he could pity me.

so i'm kind of not talking to my friends right now. I posted a vent on kandipad.com and one of my IRL friends saw it. we got into this huge argument. I don't really want to go into detail. But I haven't talked to anyone since the argument.

The vent was about how I feel like I'm a burden to everyone around me. Also how I feel like a horrible person, because I say things that I don't mean or that are insensitive but then I can't apologize bc I don't remember what I said. And how I accidentally took over a story me and two of my friends were supposed to be writing together.

One of my friends commented saying that I'm not a burden. I didn't (and still don't) believe him. So we got into this huge argument about like idek anymore. He said at some point that I was mischaracterising him or something, and how I needed to stop with the self-pity, and I told him to leave me alone. Then he said I was treating him like crap. And I just kept asking him to leave me alone until he did.

Which begs the question:

Am I the problem?

I swear my father is the most useless human being on earth. All he does is lay around all day and demand shit from us. He doesn’t gave a job, he’s not retired he just doesn’t wanna work. Mind you i am one of 4 kids. FOUR KIDS. The youngest among us is 7 years old. The only income we get is from the government which, no surprise, it’s not enough. He’s genuinely so fucking useless.

He literally walked into my room while i was on call with a friend and demanded i go study. Yes i get that i have finals but i need a fucking break. All this bitch does is sleep 15 hours a day and wake up at ungodly hours to play his shitty game all night and go back to sleep. And when he’s awake he makes it everyone’s problem.

I wish i could runaway with my gf. We’ve been dating for almost a year now and i love her. Genuinely life would be so much better if i didnt have an old hag nagging me everyday about shit he cant even do himself