Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 7

i dont even kno what’s wrong with me fr. like i try, i really do. i sit in class, i listen, i take notes, i study sometimes too but it just dont stick. like my brain hears the words but it dont do anything with it. everyone else gets it, the teacher explains stuff and they just nod like yep that makes sense and im sittin there with the same confused face i had from the start. it’s like everyone around me is in on some secret and im the only one who missed it. like the whole world gets how things work except me. and i hate it. i hate sittin there feelin dumb while people answer questions and i dont even kno what page we’re on. sometimes i laugh it off like haha im just stupid lol but inside it makes me feel so small. i see the grades come back and they suck every time, and no matter what anyone says it always feels like a punch in the gut. you just need to work harder, they say. try a different method, they say. like bruh, what do you think i been doing?? its not like i wanna fail. i go home and i got nothin to be proud of. my mom asks how school was and i lie, say it’s fine, but its not. i feel like the dumb one in every room, every group, every conversation. even my friends joke about it sometimes like oh that’s just you being slow again and i laugh cuz i dont want them to see how much it really gets to me.

i see smart kids and i wish i was like them. like how do they make it look so easy?? like they just know stuff. they get the grades, they get the praise, teachers like them, they get picked for things, nd im just… there. i dont even kno what im good at anymore. not school, not sports, not talkin to people, like what is even the point of me?? i feel like a mistake. like i was born broken or something. nd yeah maybe people will say dont be so hard on yourself or everyone learns differently but that don’t help when u the one failing every test. that don’t help when u see ur friends talkin about college and future jobs and im just tryna survive next period without crying. i get scared. like, what if this never changes? what if im always the one that don’t get it? what if im always the one people look at and feel sorry for? i wanna be smart. i wanna make my parents proud. i wanna have a future where i don’t feel useless every day. but right now? i just feel dumb. nd i keep askin myself why. why am i dumb? why cant i be normal? why does my brain feel like it hates me? no one gives answers that make sense. no one gets it. they just say stuff to make me feel better but they don’t know what it’s like. nd honestly, i don’t even kno how much longer i can take feeling like this every single day...

TW // talk about SH/suicide

Extra info: My parents divorced when I was 4, I've been going back and forth between their houses every week since and once I started driving it became every two weeks

I'm so tired of having to deal with my parents like unironically. They are good people, they've taken pretty good care of me all things considered but they aren't really good at being supportive past a surface level. Neither of them seem to be able to accept the fact that I am mentally disabled, I use the word "can't" a lot when trying to explain how I feel about certain things, especially if it is something that my ADHD gets in the way of and I just get told that I can and to stop saying I can't, then getting blamed for not doing things I've said I can't. (side note but I was actually diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but it was brushed off because "don't all young boys get diagnosed with ADHD?" actually pissed at my mom for that one, and neither of them thought to talk with my councilor about my struggle with schoolwork they just decided to try and make me do it themselves) Not only does ADHD make things a struggle but I'm also depressed and it just adds on to the struggle of things like cleaning my room or basic hygiene, yet my parents don't think I'm depressed. I work for my dad, it's a small company which leads to me being a key employee so when I'm gone it screws things up a decent bit, and I get sick pretty often or just don't feel good due to medical shit (chronic migraines and digestive issues + bad anxiety) so I end up calling in semi frequently. What ends up happening is my dad yells at me and gets pissed whenever I call in sick, perfect example being monday. I got like food poisoning or smth, was throwing up a bunch and had a bad headache on saturday with the throwing up turning into diarrhea, no stomach problems on sunday but the headache stayed, and woke up monday with diarrhea again and the headache being even worse than it was saturday so I called in sick. What ended up happening was my dad got mad at me again, and I got short with him bc I'm kinda fed up with it and told him I figured he'd say that and basically just rhetorically asked why he always blamed me for being sick, and he responded by telling me to stop victimizing myself and that I keep getting sick due to my lifestyle, which mind you my lifestyle is caused by poor mental health that he just doesn't seem to care about. I also have tried to explain how hard it is for me to put effort into things despite wanting to, but I don't think he gets it and I'm not sure if he ever will. I don't want him finding out how bad my mental health really is, but some days when we argue I have an urge to crash out and go off on him, tell him all the shit I'm pissed and annoyed about, be blunt and tell him that it's a struggle for me to get out of bed every day and go to work, or clean my room, or shower, or do anything else because most of my effort is spent trying as hard as I can to stop him and my mom from being the parents that have to bury their own fucking child. I know it's a horrible idea to open up about things to him though, because he views suicide as selfish and told me word for word that he "hates kids that self harm because it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and it's shit like that that makes it hard for me to believe he's ever had a genuine mental health crisis despite him telling me he has, because he clearly doesn't know what it's like to have self harm as a coping mechanism because it's the only thing you've found that works, doesn't make things worse, and stops you from doing things you don't want to, or be suicidal not just because you're tired of being the way you are but because you feel like a burden for constantly requesting help yet feeling an inability to use the advice given to you and just making the same mistakes over and over, having constant thoughts about how much better the world and people around you would be if you were gone, feeling like you're just screwing up everyone else's lives, and feeling like everything you do to try and get better or get help just makes it all worse. I just feel like a fucking failure because I have access to things like psychiatrists and therapists, but don't use them and I'm constantly flipflopping between whether I'm just being lazy, whether it's because of my mental issues/trauma, whether I even actually want to get better, etc. I've had my mom help me set up an online appointment but the psychiatrist didn't end up showing up after 30 minutes and I haven't been able to bring myself to make another one. Speaking of my mom, recently she had me fully move in to my dad's house because she's taking my struggles with self care as me disrespecting her, saying that she sees it as me flipping her off and saying fuck you every time she asks me to do something like shower or clean my dishes up and it doesn't get done (usually because I'm either in bed depressed or I'm playing a game with my friends while constantly thinking about needing to throw my trash away and questioning why I'm not throwing it away, sometimes getting to the point where I have literally punched myself trying to get my body to move and throw the trash away)

That's about it for the main cause of my rant, if anyone wants I can get into more issues I have with my parents including specific shit they've done in the past excluding certain details/descriptions that might give away who I am

I worked as a pharmacy technician from 2018 to 2025, and for the first couple of years, I had to navigate a pretty toxic environment with two older women, whom I’ll call Gloria and Haven. Gloria was notorious for her drinking problem, and the only reason she kept her job was because she was the ex-daughter-in-law of the owner. Haven, on the other hand, was dealing with hormonal issues, which made her quite difficult to work with. I tried to keep my head down during this chaotic time, especially with COVID hitting and our pharmacy getting hacked. Gloria's constant absences and messy personal life created a lot of tension, and while some wanted to support her, I felt it was unfair that she was expected to be the glue holding everything together. Eventually, she got fired in 2022, but by then, I had already been dealing with the stress of Haven's constant criticism. She often apologized for her behavior, but it still took a toll on my mental health. I remember one instance where I was trying to split an oblong pill, and no matter how I explained that it wouldn’t break evenly, she kept insisting I was doing it wrong. It was exhausting. I showed her my pills, and she reacted strongly, saying it was disgusting and questioning how I would feel if I had to take something that looked like that. Her loud and dramatic nature made me feel even worse, and when she demonstrated how to break the pills, it turned out to be the same method I was using. I was terrified, feeling like I could never do anything perfectly. Afterward, I decided to talk to my manager about quitting and possibly going back to school. He offered to handle the situation and said we’d discuss it later, but I left early that day, overwhelmed and in tears. I still haven't fully recovered from that experience. The woman who confronted me has since changed after getting her thyroid checked and even apologized, but the embarrassment stuck with me. Then there was Danny, another technician who, despite being a gay man, had a knack for making people uncomfortable. He often boasted about his sexual exploits in a room full of older women, which felt completely out of place. I tried to ignore him, but it became increasingly difficult to deal with his inappropriate comments.

He started off by playfully teasing people about their mustaches, which seemed cute at first, but quickly turned into a brutal and uncomfortable vibe. It was like he was trying to assert dominance in a really awkward way, making everyone around him feel uneasy. Thankfully, he eventually left, but not before taking frequent smoke breaks during busy hours, only to return insisting he needed to control everything. Now that he's gone, there's another technician, let's call her Linda, who's always complaining about not being able to sit down, despite it being a stand-up job. She’s in her fifties and constantly talks about her miserable life, including her abusive marriage, which she seems to think is her only option. I’ve tried to encourage her to consider a life without that relationship, especially since her kids are grown, but she seems too scared to be alone. Meanwhile, I ended up becoming the pharmacy technician supervisor, not because I wanted to, but because I was too much of a people pleaser to say no. It turned out to be a huge mistake; the added responsibility and constant issues made every day feel overwhelming. She kept playing with the same old stuff and constantly complained about wanting to retire. I already knew her backstory—her husband had been abusive, and she believed marriage was her only option for survival. I suggested that there’s a whole world out there beyond marriage and maybe she should consider leaving him since their kids were grown and he had no hold over her anymore. I sensed her fear of being alone, but I didn’t want to dig too deep into that. I was busy dealing with too many mentally ill people myself, just trying to get through my workday. Eventually, I became a pharmacy technician supervisor because I was a people pleaser and didn’t stand up for myself. They figured since I didn’t push back, they’d promote me and give me a raise, which turned out to be a huge mistake. I hated that role; it came with so much responsibility and endless problems, making every day feel like a repeat of the last. It was like living in a hellish version of Purgatory. Unlike the show "Severance," where the characters have a clear divide between their work and personal lives, my memories from work haunted me constantly. I despised my job and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thankfully, I managed to find a work-from-home position in the worst job market imaginable, but I still carry the weight of my pharmacy experience with me every day. Since I started working from home, I've been grappling with some serious PTSD. I’m not full-time at my old job anymore, just working every sixth weekend, which isn’t too bad. However, my manager keeps piling on more facilities and sites for us to handle, and while my colleagues are managing, I’m overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I’ve had chances to return to my old job or even explore new opportunities in pharmacy, but I feel like a shell of my former self and struggle to function in that environment. On the weekends I do work, I actually enjoy it; I loved the job and the pay, but the toxic atmosphere really took a toll on me. It’s wild to think that three people who made my work life miserable are gone now, yet I’m still haunted by the verbal abuse I endured. Gloria was outright racist, Haven was emotionally unstable, and Danny was just a miserable guy who thrived on making others unhappy. When I left, Danny expressed jealousy over my new job, but he’s not happy where he is now either. Looking back, I should have left that job much sooner. I spent six years there, always thinking I needed to quit, but the pay kept me stuck. Now that I’ve been working from home for four months, I’m grateful, but I still haven’t healed and instead find myself dealing with PTSD. Thanks for letting me vent; it helps a bit. I have a few friends to lean on and I’m in therapy, but I still can’t shake this feeling, so I appreciate the chance to share my thoughts with others.

i hate it. the feeling of being seen, like actually seen, not just people glancin at you in the street or passin by, but when someone really looks at you, like they’re tryin to figure you out, like they have questions, like they see somethin in you that you don’t even see in yourself. it makes my skin crawl. i overthink every little thing, how i stand, how i move, if my face looks weird when im just existing, if my voice sounds stupid when i speak. every time i step outside, i feel like im being judged, even if no one is sayin anything. and the worst part? i know most people don’t care, i know logically they’re all too busy with their own lives to be analyzin me, but my brain don’t listen to logic. my brain tells me everyone notices, everyone sees, everyone is thinkin somethin. so i shrink, i make myself smaller, i walk quieter, i avoid eye contact, i make sure i dont take up too much space, bc the less people see me, the safer i feel. but its exhausting. always second-guessing, always panicking about the tiniest things, always wishing i could just exist without feeling like im being watched.

nd it’s not just in public, it’s everywhere. online, in messages, even around people i know. every time i post somethin, i think should i delete it? does this make me look dumb? did i say too much? did i say too little? every time i talk to someone, i replay the convo in my head a thousand times, picking apart everything i said, wondering if i sounded weird or annoying. nd it makes me not wanna talk at all. like, if i never say anything, if i never put myself out there, then theres nothin to be judged, right? but then that feels just as bad, bc i want to connect, i want to be a person, i just don’t want to be perceived while doing it. i don’t want people to have opinions on me, to see me one way when i see myself another, to misunderstand, to assume, to put a label on me i don’t want. nd maybe that’s the problem. maybe i dont even kno who i am without other people’s perception, nd that’s why it scares me so much. bc what if i don’t like what they see? what if they see the real me, and i don’t even know who that is?

man, i swear, i cant do this anymore, i feel like im just existing and nothing matters, like no matter what i do, its just the same thing every day, wake up, feel like shit, go to work, pretend im fine, come home, sit in my room overthinking everything, then go to sleep just to do it all over again, like what is even the point, im so tired, like not just sleepy tired but that deep inside tired that dont go away no matter how much i rest, i feel empty, i feel like nobody even notices me, like i could just stop talking and no one would even care, maybe they’d be relieved, maybe im just annoying, maybe im the problem, i try to tell myself its just a bad phase, that ill get over it, but i been saying that for so long now and nothing ever changes, people say "just talk to someone" but what do i even say?? hey, im miserable and i hate my life and i wish everything was different but its not and i have no idea how to fix it?? yeah, sure, that sounds real normal, theyll just tell me to "stay positive" or "it gets better" but how do they know that it gets better when every day just feels worse, i feel like im stuck, like im trapped in this life i dont even wanna live, and i dont see a way out, i see people happy and i wonder how they do it, how they wake up and actually look forward to things, bc for me there is nothing, i dont have friends, i dont have family that cares, i dont have a future that looks anything but miserable, and no matter how much i try to pretend like im okay, im not, and i havent been for a long time, i feel like a failure, like everything i touch falls apart, like no matter how hard i try i always end up back at zero, people say im young and i have time, but what does that even mean?? time for what, more of this, more feeling like i dont belong, more pretending like im fine when im screaming inside, im so exhausted, and i just want it to stop, i dont even know what that means anymore, all i know is i cant take it anymore, i keep thinking maybe something will change, maybe ill wake up one day and things will feel different, but they never do, and im scared they never will, bc honestly, i dont know how much longer i can keep doing this, its like my body keeps going but my mind checked out a long time ago, nothing makes me happy, nothing excites me, i see people making plans for their future and i dont even know if i want a future, bc what if its just more of this, more feeling alone, more failure, more emptiness, i try to distract myself, i try to push it down, but it always comes back, the feeling that im not meant to be here, that maybe i was never supposed to be here, that maybe im just wasting space, and i know, i know, people say "you matter" but do i really?? bc it dont feel like it, and i just dont know what to do anymore.

I don’t understand it. My son is 10 years old, and to the outside world, he’s the sweetest, most polite kid ever. Teachers love him, other parents compliment me on how well-mannered he is, and whenever we go somewhere, he’s always the one saying “thank you” and “please” and acting like a perfect angel. But the second we’re alone, the second we get home and the door closes—it’s like he’s a completely different child. He snaps at me, rolls his eyes, sighs like everything I say is the most annoying thing in the world. I ask him to do something, and it’s “ugh, do I have to??” or “why can’t you do it yourself?” but if his teacher asks? Oh, he’s doing it without a problem. If his friend’s mom tells him something, he listens immediately. But me? The person who does everything for him? I get attitude. I get disrespect. And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I try so hard to be patient, to not take it personally, but honestly? It hurts. I see the way he is with others, how easy it is for him to be kind and gentle with everyone except me, and I start questioning everything. Am I too strict? Too soft? Am I doing something that makes him resent me? I read all these articles saying “kids act out with their parents because they feel safe”, but I’m sorry, that doesn’t make it easier. Knowing that he trusts me enough to let out his emotions doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting when he rolls his eyes at me like I’m the most annoying person on earth. I know kids push boundaries with their parents, I get it. But when your own child treats strangers better than the person who loves him the most? It’s a different kind of pain. And it makes me scared, scared that one day, when he’s older, this won’t stop. That he’ll always see me as the one person he doesn’t have to be kind to.

I’ve tried talking to him about it. I’ve asked him why he acts this way, why he can be so good for everyone else but not for me. And every time, I get the same answer—"I don't know." Like, he genuinely doesn't think about it. It’s not like he’s making some big decision to treat me worse than everyone else, it just happens. And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe he’s so used to me being here, being his person, the one who will love him no matter what, that he doesn’t feel like he has to be nice. But why does that make it okay? Why does unconditional love mean I have to be the emotional punching bag? I’m his mother, not his verbal stress ball.

I love my son more than anything, but some days, it’s hard not to feel unappreciated. Some days, I wish he could see how much effort I put in, how much I give to make sure he’s happy, safe, taken care of. I wish he would look at me the way he looks at his teachers, his friend’s parents, the nice lady at the grocery store. But most of all? I wish I knew that this is just a phase. That one day, he’ll realize how much I love him, how much I’ve done, and he’ll choose to be kind to me the same way he is to everyone else. Because right now? Right now, I feel like I’m giving my whole heart to someone who barely notices.

I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this story in. I'm not exactly dating these people, and the reasons for that are super complicated.

My ex, Gunner, made me feel horrible. He said he couldn't date me because of my multiple personalities, which I get, I have mood swings, but I'm pretty sure what he was experiencing was just emotions. And also because I was adopted, I was "taken out of my natural habitat and who knows what I'd do." Which was said by Gunner's mother. Me and Gunner had only been dating for a week. I had to watch him date another pretty girl, who he stayed with longer than me. Me and Gunner only lasted a week, but we'd been talking for a month. After they'd broken up, she had a similar experience, saying he was extremely racist to her, and didn't want to be with her because her anxiety was something he couldn't "handle".

I sometimes wonder if maybe it is me who is doing something wrong. I know Gunner and me just weren't meant for each other, and I know something is wrong with him because I talked to Valeria (His ex). Gunner went around saying I was a bad kisser, which I know for a fact isn't true. He just needed something to around talking about, even though he'd broken up with me because of my background...? He's not fooling anyone.

A few months ago, I was talking to this boy named Jeremiah. We were good friends before we started talking, and my sister is the one who decided I should try to get with him. We'd only been talking a week before he ghosted me, and stopped talking to me. I heard from my sister, who promised that Jerry wasn't going to be like my ex, he said he "just wasn't feeling it."

We were talking today in pottery, when he told me that he thought I hated him. The way I heal is: I totally ignore the person while I cry and be sad over them. That's just how I am. Yeah, I see that as a red flag, but I can't help caring for someone I think cares for me too.

He told me today that I wanted to have a friends with benefits situation, and his friend Ethan started yapping about it, and telling Jerry how good of an idea it was. I just sat there. I know he's just going to use me with this whole benefits thing. And the reason I say "use me" is because that's what he's doing.

I had just gotten out of talking to someone, which only lasted a week. Wow, are you guys surprised? What's the pattern here? Hmm...

This guy's name is Tanner. Tanner and I have known each other since the seventh grade. He told me he's liked me since last year, but then just on Saturday, told me he's lost feelings for me. Okay, but how do you lose feelings that fast? It was clearly lust, not love. And he's been waiting to do stuff with me for a year, it's obvious. At first, I was so happy he liked me! Then, I heard the stories of him getting with girls, and as soon as he got what he wanted, ghosting them. Did I listen? No. I gave him what he wanted... I'm sure you can image what I mean. And, he ended up leaving anyways. Then, to make matters worse, I saw him, the next day, with his hand between Cory's thigh. Holding her hand in the halls, looking at her like he looked at me. Like he really likes her. Like he really liked me.

So, when I say that Jerry is using me, it's because of what happened with Tanner. Literally a month ago, this boy whom I really liked, we "did it" but I'd only done it because I really like him, and I thought, if I did it, he would like me too. But, he didn't. It was really sad, because like everyone else, he ended up ghosting me too. Guess how long we'd been talking! A WEEK!!!

So, remember when I said it must be me who's doing something wrong? That's because of things like this! It must be my fault! I was talking to Jerry today, and he said Tanner broke things off because I'm too nice.

Guys, my love language is physical touch, and gifts. Tanner told me he didn't like me anymore, according to Jerry, because I'm too nice. I'm too nice? What? That's ridiculous. I know I can trust this source because him and Tanner are best friends.

Oh, and also, when Jerry was talking about that dumb friends with benefits thing, he said that if it did happen, he couldn't tell anyone, and that it is supposed to be secret. So, wait, he wants to do it with me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it?

It just shows he's literally ashamed to be with me.

All of this has been hurting my mental health. It's coming to a point where I feel kind of insane? And it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just really don't know if I can handle my heart being messed around with. It's only been a couple weeks that this has happened to me. I hate going around from guy to guy, but I'm also tired of being played.

That's not even the worst part about this.

I can't even tell anyone about this, which is why I'm glad there are sites like these...

So, we all know - lots of teens have Snap chat. I've been talking to this guy on snap, who actually just recently told me his age today. I guess it's kinda creepy because all along I've thought he was my age. He told me he was going to buy me a bunch of stuff, and that he loved me, and that we were going to get married.

Okay, so what's the problem, just block him! RIght?

Right.

I wish I could say that it was actually that simple. It weird. I know he's mentally ill, because he's 39 and I'm 15. But I just can't ignore him. It's not hurting me to say goodmorning to him, right? And besides, he listens to me. It's not like he's asked for my address, or for me to send to him, so he's not harmful. And although its really weird, and you guys probably think it's gross, its not like he's grooming me, right? And, sadly, I really like the attention. It would never work, because he's like 23 years older than me, but it's kinda nice he's the only person who hasn't made fun of me for being, well, me.

And I know he says I'm his fiance, and he'd do anything for me, and he wants to come see me in June... but I can't let him go. I do that, and I'm just as bad as all the guys at my school who are trying to ghost me. Why can't we just find people who like me for me? Who want to be with me? I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time. Who can't stand to be with out me. Who likes to hang out with me, who will let me braid their hair, laugh with them, has jokes, good style, can help me with my homework. Someone who won't leave just because, I have a good butt (Which was said by my friend Daryl who just wants to do me too) or because they just weren't feeling me, or because I'm adopted or well...

Because I'm too nice.

You see, cuz my parents are getting tired of me. They don't really care what I do anymore. But it's sad, because at these moments all I need is my mama. We found out that she might have cancer. I don't know if I'm glad, or if I'm scared. Why would I be glad? Because I was almost taken from her because of abuse. So why do I want her? Where was my bio mama when I needed her? Lynda was there for me, not Dominique. I've started taking pills again, sleeping more, smoking, eating less. I actually hate sulking around all the time and hating life. But, when you've been spit out and thrown away like a wad of ABC gum, I can't held but feel how other people treat me. And I wonder, does Cory even see how she looks? Getting with someone who does things with girls and then dips?

Or maybe she's blinded by love, like me.

Well, I'm rambling now. But you all get the point.

So what do I mean it's going to be the last?

The last time I ever said I love you ever again.

Because no one ever deserves my love.

And no one ever will.

I’m 13, female. I often come online like anybody else, I don’t have social media other than Snapchat and YouTube if you’d even consider that social media. Because of this sometimes I feel a bit of a disconnect. A lot of my peers have apps like discord or instagram. While it’s not a big deal because I never feel out of the loop with my friends sometimes it just makes me feel like I’m not where I should be. Like I’m out of the circle of all the people in my grade, I don’t know the latest things or anything. I don’t have a whole lot of friends too, 1 best friend which I love, a small circle of friends (around 5) and a few acquaintances that I feel too awkward to really be myself around. So sometimes I get lonely or just want to experience something outside of that. Hence I try to go online through websites like this. I have my struggles, that’s why when I feel I have no one to talk to I go online and write them here to get them out. I know I can’t know everything in the world, I haven’t lived long enough. But I find that a lot of people treat me like I know nothing just because I’m young. I’ll vent about something personal on here and I’ve gotten responses that basically say that it’s “not that bad” and “that’s just life”. I know that! I know I can’t have it so much worse! I know that struggles come with life! That’s why I’m so grateful for the things I have but sometimes I just need to get it out! I know how horrible life can be, I know it has twists and tricks, I know what I have is not nearly as bad as someone who doesn’t have a home, or who’s starving or living in a country at war. I’m so happy and grateful for the life I have. I think a lot of people don’t really see kids as mature enough to really think deeply or they don’t know anything. It’s really not true. I know it sounds like I’m just being bratty but I hate it when people think less of me because of age. I don’t know everything but neither does anybody. You who’s reading this doesn’t, if anybody even does read this that is. I hate that quote “you don’t know everything”, I get told that a lot because I’m a child. Because I’m not “old enough” to understand and know. But nobody is. Nobody knows everything. I’m capable of having really mature and deep thoughts but I feel like no one can see that. My friends can but can adults? I don’t think so because every time they seem to think I don’t know anything.

Okay, so about the end of the school year last year I met a boy, we were long distance but we only live 40 mins away but neither of us had a way to see each other so we never did but we loved each other so so much. He used to be a drug addict but he started going to therapy for it ( I pushed him to go because he started looking very unhealthy.) eventually he quit and he’s been clean for a couple months now (from what I know) long story short he ended up ghosting me and we haven’t talked since last year. At least that’s what I thought, well I was under very strict rules at my house, I didn’t have a phone, all devices at 6pm in moms room, no seeing friends on school days, bedtime for me was8pm, stuff like that but I had an idea just to use Gmail to text him on my school iPad on an email I had made, so that’s the only thing we could communicate on, so FaceTiming became google meets, changed his name on it to Hailey so if I was on a call with him my parents would think it’s a girl, going out to friends was sneaking off and having them cover for me, yk the good old “strict parents raise sneaky kids” hits hard, but he’s changed since then, a lot. See, I’m 16 soon to be 17 and he’s newly 18. He had a scar on his chin that I’ve never seen before and I saw it and asked him about it, and before he answered I said that I have to same kind on my chin as well, saying it was from when I was a baby, when I asked after he then said “I got shot” i was so confused and scared, was it from a cop? Was it a robber? What happened? Hes completely changed his slang and his personality, yea I would be happy but he didn’t change for the better. He wasn’t the sweet, sensitive, loving boy I knew. He was more like a gang membe. He kept telling me how someone’s currently trying to kill him, and I’m scared that since I’m with him now I’m gonna get involved. Like what if me and him are at the park and that person sees? Will they come after him only or me as well? I’m not sure where this is even going just, I needed to vent about how much I miss how he used to be. He’s trying to make me do gang signs, he’s listening to drill rap (murder/drug music) and I’m scared he’s gonna never be the way he was. He use to tuck in his phone when he had to go. (mostly around 9 but I got super tired around then so he’d tuck in his phone till he got back) he would stare at me with love and I could tell, his eyes would look at me like I was the only person in the world, the big eyes, the smile, the eye contact, everything. He’s started calling me ml, I think it’s super cute because he acts all tough and scary but around me he’s sweet, he lets his guard down and i can just feel his love. But I felt it way more back then. For example, one time I told him that a song reminded me of him (what would I do by strawberry guy) and I told him to listen to it. He then replied 2 minutes later, calling me and crying that I make him feel so special compared to literally anyone and how he feels like I love him more than I could anyone, he even texted me saying “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you mad.” I asked why and his answer crushed me in the best way possible. He said, “I said sorry because I don’t want to lose you. You have a special place in my heart and it’ll never leave even if you do.” And I broke down crying right there right then. He doesn’t even know it either, then when I re-showed him the song a little ago he said “oh yea I remember, nice song” and I felt my heart being squeezed. Nice song? What happened. I’m wondering if I did it to him, since I left him (I didn’t as I explained) and then he went on to change his behavior because he didn’t have anyone to talk to. But now he’s not responding and he still hasn’t. (3 days and he hates not talking to me and texts me every time he can) I don’t wanna be ghosted again or left. Otherwise we got close again for no reason. What do I do here?

Today, I was doing my homework.

Let's take in account that in a few hours, I have to choose which options to take for the 2 years that will come in high school, tomorrow I have a test in math, a test in English, 1 presentation in Dutch over my origins, 1 presentation in History over France and its castles.

My father came back from work (at 16:00), he started talking to me nonstop and asking questions about my life, when It's clearly obvious I'm occupied. When he asked me another pointless question, I didn't hear it (since my sister was blasting music) so I responded with a "What?".

I suspect that my tone could've come off as rude, but I was annoyed and I yelled loudly 'cause my sister was BLASTING music.

He started screaming at me, telling me "What did you say to me?" as if he hadn't heard it. He was angry, again, because apparently, I'm always disrespectful and should respond with a "What did you say, sir?" when I just want to be left alone.

They're my parents, but they shouldn't be parents when they're clearly not ready. They know how to take care of kids because they take care of kids everyday! But they don't take care of their own because we're "grown up" (I'm 15). But when the timing is prefect, we're suddenly too "young" and we're wrong and they're "right".

To hell with parents.

When your child tells you about their trauma, their problems and open up to you, you shouldn't denigrate them, invalidate their feelings or START TALKING ABOUT HOW TIRED YOU ARE ABOUT YOUR WORK WHEN THEIR TRAUMA IS YOU.

Bro, I need to get outta here. Like, fr, the second I turn 18, I’m gone. I can’t take livin with my parents anymore, all the stupid rules, all the nagging, all the "under my roof, my rules" BS. Like, okay, I get it, I’m still a kid technically, but damn, let me breathe. Everytime I do anything, it's a problem. Why u always on ur phone? Why u sleep so late? Where u goin? Who u texting? Like, chill?? I just wanna live my own life without feelin like I gotta report my every move. And don’t even get me started on the whole “you’re not ready for the real world” speech. Like, okay?? And whose fault is that?? Maybe if they let me actually do stuff instead of controlling everything, I’d know how to handle myself. But nah, they just wanna keep me stuck here forever. Not happening.

Only problem is… I kinda have no clue how to actually move out. Like, I know I need money, that’s obv, but rent is stupid expensive, and I don’t even have a full-time job yet. Been tryna save from my part-time job, but bro, what’s that gonna get me? A month of rent maybe and then what? And then there’s bills, food, furniture—like, damn, why is existing so expensive?? I thought about gettin a roommate, but idk anyone tryna move out yet. Plus, I lowkey don’t wanna end up livin with some weirdo off the internet, but at this point, I might have to. I just need my own space. Even if it’s some tiny apartment, idc. Just as long as it’s mine. Cuz right now? I feel like I got zero freedom. Can’t go out late, can’t bring people over, can’t even eat what I want without my mom actin like I just committed a crime. Like damn, let me eat ramen at 2AM in peace.

So yeah, I know moving out won’t be easy. I know I’m probly gonna be broke for a while, probly gonna regret it the first time I gotta pay for toilet paper with my own money. But honestly? Still worth it. I’d rather struggle on my own than keep feeling like I’m trapped in a house that don’t even feel like mine. I just gotta figure out the money part, maybe get a second job, maybe find some cheap place in a bad neighborhood, idk. But I’ll figure it out. Cuz one thing I do know? I’m not stayin here any longer than I have to.

man, i swear my brain just dont kno how to chill. like, i tell myself stop overthinking but then i start overthinking about overthinking and it just never stops. i love my gf, i really do, but sometimes i feel like im ruining everything just bc my brain wont shut up. like, she’ll text me something simple, like “talk later, busy” and my brain immediately jumps to the worst. is she mad? did i do somethin? is she talkin to someone else? and then i gotta fight myself not to double text, not to say somethin stupid, not to ask questions that will make me look like an insecure idiot. and i hate it. i hate feelin like im too much, like im suffocating her with my own thoughts. but i don’t know how to stop.

it’s not even like she’s given me a reason to feel this way. she’s always been good to me, always been there, always says she loves me. but my brain don’t trust good things. my brain is always waiting for the "but". like, yeah, things are good now, but what if she gets bored? what if she realizes im not enough? what if she’s just staying bc she feels bad for me? it’s like i keep lookin for proof that something’s wrong even when everything is fine. nd it’s exhausting. bc then i act weird, she notices, she asks what’s wrong, and then i gotta lie and say "nothing, just tired" bc what am i supposed to say?? “oh, im just convincing myself u secretly hate me”???

sometimes i think maybe it’s just a me problem. like, maybe i just dont know how to be happy, maybe i need some kinda reassurance constantly that no normal person is willing to give. nd i kno that’s not fair. she’s her own person, she has her own life, she can’t spend every second proving she loves me just bc my brain refuses to believe it. nd the stupidest part? the more i overthink, the more i actually push her away. like, it’s this messed up cycle where i get anxious about losing her, so i act weird, nd then bc im acting weird, things feel off, nd then im like "see?? somethings wrong!!". except the only thing wrong is me.

so yeah, how to stop overthinking in a relationship? hell if i know. if i knew, i wouldn’t be sitting here at 2 am analyzing a text she sent five hours ago like it’s some kinda secret code. maybe i just need to chill. maybe i need to trust that not everyone is gonna leave, that not every silence is bad, that i dont need to be perfect for someone to love me. but thats easier said than done. so for now, i guess i just gotta fake it. pretend im not overthinking until maybe, one day, i actually won’t be.

I’m not looking for advice because I know I’m gonna get an abortion I’m just shocked. Condom broke, neither of us realised, I got pregnant. I’m getting an abortion this weekend and I know it’s the best choice I’m just scared. No one’s explained to me what’s going to happen I feel so embarrassed. 😭

i dont even kno why i keep tryin. like, at this point, i should just accept it—im a failure. 27 years old, nothin to show for it. no degree, no career, no apartment, no gf, not even a decent group of friends. i look around and see people my age getting married, buying houses, moving forward. and me? im back in my childhood bedroom, surrounded by old posters and dust, feelin like im 15 again, except now theres no excuses. back then, people said "you have time, you'll figure it out" but now, now they just avoid the subject. my parents don’t even ask about my future anymore, they just look at me like i’m a lost cause. and honestly? maybe they’re right.

i tried, man. i really tried. i went to college, failed out. switched majors, failed again. tried a trade school, couldn’t keep up. then i thought maybe i could do somthin with my hands, construction, mechanics, whatever, but i sucked at that too. everyone always says "just find your passion" but what if i dont have one?? what if im just bad at everything? no matter what i start, it falls apart. and it’s not just school, it’s life in general. i never had a real girlfriend, never had that "group of bros" everyone talks about. people just drift away, like im forgettable, like im not worth stayin friends with. nd after a while, i stopped tryin to make new ones bc whats the point?? every time i meet people, they’re just temporary. no one stays.

and now im stuck here, in this house, in this town, with nothin to my name. i cant afford my own place, cant even hold a job for long before messin it up. i see my parents whisperin sometimes, like they don’t wanna say it out loud but i kno theyre thinking it—what the hell happened to our son? nd i dont even have an answer for them. im just stuck. trapped in my own uselessness. nd the worst part? i want to do better. i wanna be the guy who moves out, gets a job, gets a life. but every time i try, i fail. and at some point, it just breaks you, u kno? like, how many times can someone start over before they realize theres nothin left to start??

i wake up every day feeling like whats the point. not in a dramatic way, not like im gonna do somthin crazy, but just in a numb way. like, im just existin. breathing, eating, sleeping, repeat. no goals, no future, just surviving because my body still works. nd i kno people will say "just keep going" but goin where?? i got nowhere to go. nd every time i try, the universe slaps me back down like nah bro, this ain’t for you.

maybe some people are just not meant to make it. maybe not everyone has some "hidden potential" waiting to be unlocked. maybe some of us are just... failures. bc thats what i am. no dreams, no direction, just some loser takin up space in a house thats not even mine. nd i dont kno if thatll ever change.

I moved across the country to be with someone let everyone I know behind. Everything was perfect when we were long distant. We would talk everyday, FaceTime all day. Then after I moved it just seemed to stop. It’s the little things I miss. The good morning texts, the kisses goodbye of I’m sleeping and they have to work. Sending TikTok’s all day . All of it just stopped and o feel like I’m just being dumb.. like that stuff shouldn’t matter, but.. done some reason it does to me.