Friendship Stories

I am collapsing inward like a dying star but no one will see the implosion until the light dissipates.

If you were to ask me what kind of friend I was, I’d tell you I’m the compassionate one.

But if you were to ask me on a deeper level, I’d say not once have I ever felt genuinely wanted or seen. I’ve always felt like the pity friend that is just allowed to be there. Not the favorite or the least favorite, just forever existing in a state of mediocrity. Deep down I desperately wish to feel truly cared for and I don’t know how much longer I can exist feeling like this. But I absolutely refuse to let anyone I love feel the way that I do. I will fiercely care and love them even if it sacrifices my own peace.

I’m never wanted. Too much and simultaneously not enough. Desperately praying to be completely and irrevocably seen. I think the second I’d feel wanted, the world would pause, all emotions would break like a tidal wave as I feel the earth give way under my feet, grasping onto the wanton need, fearing it would turn and run. Just like everything and everyone has done to me. So I’ll sit. And I’ll stay. Waiting for that day if it were to ever come. Though I fear I’d wait so long death would meet me first. Perhaps that is the only time I’d be wanted. I’d grasp his outstretched skeleton hand and wander to the land of the dead. Perhaps that is when I’ll have peace.

After Iconfessed she blocked me and cut contact I literally have no one or anything anymore I seraiously dont know what do besides rot bed I dont even Im crying as I type this Shes asking me to leave all mutal discord servers too And I just I want to enjoy those communites too but Iwant to respect her wishes and I just lost everything and everyone because of my stupid self Im sorry

My friend (Roe) has recently got a girlfriend, they just started dating about a month ago. Him and I have always been really close since we met and talked almost everyday but recently he's been spending more time with her which is expected. There are some things he does though that is making me really mad and I just want to know if I'm crazy for being mad. When she (his gf) is at work or somewhere not at home the two of us will hangout and play games like we have for a while, but its becoming a thing that as soon as she gets home he disappears. We will be in the middle of a game or even just talking and he will just leave without saying anything. I tend to overthink a lot in general so I'm not sure if I should bring up how hurt this is making me feel to him because I feel like im overreacting. I know new couples tend to want to spend all of their time together and I'm happy he found someone, but I also feel like my friendship is just now being used as a placeholder for when she is not around.

I lied to my friends and the only friend left is still talking to me and she wants me to admit somtthing else to her but Iam so scared and anxious that shes just going to block me like the others and I dont know what todo besdies ignore it and hope she just thinks I dropped off of the platform

So, this all started a couple months back when school was just out for the summer. With nothing to do, I turned to my friend who, I'll just call squib. For context, squib has been depressed for years and had attempted a couple weeks before school was over. Causing her to go the mental hospital for about a week. She has another group of friends that I don't get along with too well. After her attempt, her parents put her on an extremely tight schedule, allowing only an hour or two at a time for devices. So, the story starts while on a call with her. We were playing some random Roblox game when her parents had to take her somewhere. She told me that she'd be back in around two hours and so I agreed and waited patiently for her. I was pretty bored during the time so I was just playing random games. It was 2 hours later and she still hadn't texted me. I just thought she was still out. Another hour. I'm confused. I then log back into Roblox and see her playing with her other group of friends. Oh... I text her in discord and she gives short- and somewhat incomprehensible answers saying "I'm distracting. Cali " alluding to her playing dandy's world with her other friends. I brush it off as being forgetful. But then this started happening multiple times. And Everytime it happened, I could feel a piece of trust being broken. I talked to her later and she said she would try to be better. And she did! She's gotten better about it... Or so I thought. Recently, she has cancelled last minute on me FOUR TIMES IN A ROW. And Everytime she's always busy. I know that her

Excuses are probably true because of her tight schedule but the fact that it happened 4 times is just crazy to me. I told her the 3rd time she cancelled that I was going to make a last ditch effort for her to come over and spend time and that she had the ENTIRE week to get her stuff done. But, in the end, she didn't make it. I would understand if it were some really long important thing that she worked on the entire time. But it was just planning for a roadtrip. She took breaks in the middle to game, read, and do other things (yes, I know, it's good for her mental health and all :c ) but she promised to hurry it up so she should come! I just... Don't know how to feel. She's broken my trust so many times and it hurts. But she has so many good explanations that just make me feel selfish. If you guys can help that would be very much appreciated 😞.

I am 56 years old and met my best friend in university when we both were 19/20 years of age.

In comparison to me she had a hard upbringing. Her mother had her with only 18, father left the family when she was a small kid and built a new family with a new woman. This new wife tried to cut her out of their life as much as possible and her father went low contact. Her mother turned to alcohol, became a heavy drinker, which resulted in my friend living in different families until she got her own flat when she was 16, supervised by the authorities. Later her mom married again, also a drinker, and they got 2 more children (her mom died in her early 50s). My friend struggled a lot, but successfully managed school and made it to Uni. Without financial support from home, she had to work. Some of her jobs where in the grey Zone: escort service or selling used underwear to weirdos. She also got herself older boyfriends to make ends meet. In general she had a disturbed view on men and relationships. Kind of understandable.

We went through uni and started our jobs which led me into another Country. We always held contact though it thinned out over time due to working and being apart 300 Miles.

When I married she was my bridesmaid (in our culture we usually have only one). I struggled getting pregnant and she with finding a partner. Due to her background she had Kind of weird expectations, always thought her men were unfairhful, though she always had something on the side, just to be save in case of being Left. Morally I never supported her lifestyle but I could relate as she never had a real dad, a safe home and Security.

Then she met a guy, got pregnant after one month and married highly pregnant. A party would be to come after giving birth. At This point she was reluctant me visiting her. I understood (new marriage, baby and house) and I also went through IVF and more at the same time.

When I was 40 I finally had my child. We had contact via phone, but never seemed to manage visiting each other. One day we talked on the phone when all of a sudden she turned to short answers and ended the conversation. This was the last time we spoke, ever.

After a few months she accidentally picked up the phone when I rang, said she is in a hurry, will come back later and hung up. It’s been more than 10 years……for years I tried to call her, sent birthday and x-mas wishes. Nothing in return. I was and am ghosted completely.

BTW: During our last phone call we didn‘t fight or argued. I remember that I was talking about my father in-law, coz they had just stayed at our place the week before.

I am 90% over it, still I would give the world to know what happened. Was it something I said or did? I do not want this friendship back, but I feel I have the right to know the reason. It would just be fair! Funny thing: she is working as a psychotherapist, being praised online for skills.

Wonder what the internet has to say?!?!

i've never been more alone than before. my social circle has been getting smaller and smaller over the years. i recently got into a fight/discussion with one of my two only friends which i also had a situationship and i'll likely never ever going to talk to him again (he was venting to me about a situation and i was too sincere about that and plainly mean, i accept the fact it's purely my fault). i've been really angry about that and it's been 3 weeks since the last time we talked, I don't ever want to see him again really because even if i was mean, he didn't thought about my feelings since he literally abandoned me at my worst and he knew it, but i miss him... i miss him so much.

the other one doesn't talks to me nor reply to my messages, i've known her for like 7-8 years, we have always been great friends, but something i feel it's that i need her more than she needs me, and we both know it, and the only reason they have been my friend for so long it's because she doesn't wants to hurt me and make me commit suicide (i had attempts before, and she was there for me at those times and she was kinda the only reason I didn't). i've been growing paranoid about this, I don't want to get fully alone and I haven't talked to anyone at all for like 2 days straight. i feel that nobody has ever liked me at all. i feel desperate, so desperate. i'd like to make more friends, but i'm socially anxious and nobody really gets me at all, just them. martina is literally the person that makes me feel safe, understood, she's my sister of another mom, she's the only person that has ever understood me and the only one i can trust, but if it was all fake all along? i'm crying as i think about it, at the fact that maybe my love has always been unilateral and our bond was fake all along. i've created my whole point of view and philosophy around her, and the fact i never fully understood why she was my friend. that maybe it was part of my destiny to know her here and every other life i had, for us to be siblings... that idea has been shattering lately, and it's destroying my whole life, what little remains of it... i'm so alone, I don't know what to do anymore

So, I'm part of an online group of friends who play online and chat about common hobbies, passions, etc, nothing too harmful. I'll start by saying that I'm closer to one of them (let's call him R) that I've known for years, but I enjoy talking with all of them. All good, until a few days ago, when there was some sort of private, aka not in the general chat, fight between R and another person (S). Now, R and S have been quite close for years, but there was some disagreements already (personal stuff between them) that blew out of proportion after a comment made by R that S thought it was about him. R says it wasn't, but who knows really. Ever since that the group has been silentish, in a weird tense mood. I know about the fight from R, the others know from S, and it's like inevitably the group split between R and I, on one side, S and the others on the other, even though no public reference has been made to the fight. I don't know how to approach this situation, R thinks we're being quietly shunned out by the others (whom I still can see interacting with each other) and while I initially thought it was crazy, after almost a week of this I feel kind of drained by this whole situation. I never acknowledged what happened between them, never made comments, even in chat with R I tried to keep up a "maybe it's nothing/maybe it's a coincidence/maybe they're just busier this time around" more to try to keep R calm, but I've got to say I'm starting to agree and would like this situation to end, someway. What happened between R and S is not something I have part in and on their "break up" of sorts S said to R that he'd interact normally with him, just less "closer", but it's hard to believe now. Even talking to R is becoming something that keeps draining my energy, even though a friend sticks to a friend and I deny feeling tired by this whole situation when he apologies about it. I don't know, it sounds dumb and childish, but I just want my chill group back.

recently i learnt how lonely i am when so many people have friend groups where they hangout where they can be themself i also wanted that but i have got it but no one tells me any thing recently my entire friend group left our group chat leaving me behind and no one is ready to tell me anything i feel betrayed because i may i have not been active in the friend group that often but i feel so angry i ask me friend about it he said "leave it nothing" it gives me trauma and a feeling that im not part of the friend group anymore the same happens to me often where i want to join a group but every time i join i feel like an outcast or just a person who covers an empty space i dont feel i know it

I took a nap earlier that was an unintentional 9 hours. During that entire time, not a single one of my friends messaged me to check in on me or strike up any conversations. It felt like that once I stopped putting in the effort for a little while, no one actually gave a shit about me. It feels that once I stop trying, I cease to exist in their memories. My one friend is putting more effort into their polycule lately and it feels like because of that they don't care to message me at all until it's late in the evening and the only thing they're messaging me for is to say goodnight and make empty promises to talk to me more in the morning. They're allowed to be happy, I'm happy they are- but what about our friendship? It feels selfish to ask that, feels selfish to want them to stop paying attention to them for more than five minutes to talk to me again. Hell the only time they talk to me like they used to anymore is if one of their wife does something that severely upsets them.

hi. im a highschooler (17F) who's going into her senior year in august.

i feel like my friends aren't really my friends. it's as if i keep trying over and over to be a good friend, to be there for them, but they never care to do the same. i'm alone. i could walk into a room full of 100 people at my school and still feel completely alone. there is nobody who notices me the moment i walk in, nobody who makes me feel seen. i feel like a ghost.

it's the worst feeling i've ever experienced. sometimes i consider doing something awful to myself. objectively, i have a good life. i'm fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, and i'm on the track to being accepted to one of the best art schools in the world. but i'm tired. i'm so, so tired.

is there anything i can do to stop this loneliness? thanks for reading.

I hate it when people tell me what a great person I am. I truly do because it's not true. I'm not a bad person per say but I'm not the great person they think I am.

My who always tells me how lucky she is and how I'm the best husband she could ask for. If only she knew that I had slight resentment towards her for using sex as a tool to keep me in the relationship until she felt we were close enough and in love enough that sex was no longer a want I would have. If only she knew that I have strong romantic feelings for one of my best friends, even while being fully dedicated to her as a husband.

My close friend who tells me how lucky she is to have me as a friend, even giving me a card for my birthday saying how I have given her back a feeling of hope in the world. If only she knew that I have strong romantic feelings for her, even though I'm in a dedicated marriage. If only she knew how often I think about her even though I shouldn't.

My other friends who tell me that I have such a kind and loving spirit. if only they knew how much I hated most people, to the point that I wish harm on them. if only they knew how I still haven't forgiven them for turning their backs on me so many years ago. If only they knew that sometimes I still think about it and wish I could hurt them back.

My best bud who tells me he couldn't imagine not having me in his life. If only he knew when allowed his ex (and mutal friend) to rent a room from me that I knew it would hurt him but didn't care because I still held a grudge against him for disappearing on me after high school. If only he knew that I have given up hope on helping him find love and peace because I don't think he'll ever let himself be happy.

My mom who tells me I was the best decision she ever made. If only she knew that don't trust her in any way. if only she knew that I don't have many kind words to say about her to others. If only she knew that was always happiest when she wasn't around.

If only they all knew. Then maybe they would get upset with me when I give a honest response to their compliments. I always reply, "No I'm not a great husband."

"No, you can do better then me."

"No, I'm not as good as you think."

"I give you new hope for the world? That's really sad."

"Your honesty just settling for less and can do better "

My responses are honest, sincere and mean them whole heartedly but they just think it's my lack of self confidence. Maybe it is but it's also just me knowing who I am.

If only then knew every time they tell me how great I am that I actually wanna cry then find a deep hole somewhere and die so I don't have to worry about hurting them.

This is one of my diary entries:

I feel sick. I hate my body, I hate how I can't stop myself from eating. I hate how I'm not athletic. I hate how my face looks weird. I hate my eyebags. I hate my tummy. I hate my tendency to laugh at everything. I hate my phobia of bugs. I hate my house. I hate how my bed dips everytime I sleep. I hate how it always feels like bugs are crawling on me. I hate my bad eyesight. I hate my yellow, crooked teeth. I hate the way I walk. I hate my style. I hate my tendency to complain. I hate my allergies. I hate how I feel that I am an outsider. I hate how I feel like everything and nothing at the same time.I hate how much I'm scared of people. I hate how awkward I am. I hate how I doubt God. I hate. I hate. I hate. And yet, I believe that there is things to love. Not in myself, but the people around. Maybe someday, I'll get a big hug from someone, and they'll tell me that they love me. It'll be warm, and fuzzy, and tooth rotting. I want that. I want what everyone has. I'm envious. I crave freedom. I crave friends who spam your phone. I crave friends who text you at midnight on your birthday. I want what my friends have. I know it's wrong, but it feels so right to resent people to make yourself feel better. It makes me feel a little bit better. Not really, but.. ugh.. i can't find anything to say. If you find this, I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I'm just a whiny, fat, ugly teenager. Sorry.

Apologies if the category doesn’t fit. I couldn’t find a better one.

I just want to be liked. I don’t know if it’s just me being too in my head, but it feels like people only talk to me because I’m useful, entertaining, or they’re literally paid to do it.

I can’t have a conversation with my girlfriend without her venting her frustrations to me. I understand that she needs catharsis, and I want to be there for her, but I’m tired of doing it every conversation. I also can’t bring it up, though, because what if I’m just an asshole for thinking this?

And with my friends, I can’t talk about anything beyond surface level jokes. I don’t know if that’s just how friendships are, but I feel like it’s not actual friendship.

Beyond that, everyone in my life is literally paid to talk to me. I won’t go into detail for anonymity, but my family is out of the picture.

I just want to be seen. Genuinely. With no string attached. Which is probably why I’m here, lol. Thanks for reading.

It's a bit stupid. And problably not the kind of thing to put here but i need advice and don't know where to ask It+ i Just need to get this out of my head in general. Context: So i met this person on an anonimous site a few weeks ago and they were really nice and they gave me their penpalling email in case i wanted to write them again. I did and we started writing. I tried to write about every four days (cause i swamped with exams) and they wrote back every 2-3 days or so. The last two mails i send how ever were a bit late but bc i was very busy and not feeling well + i wanted the mails to be good and i usually take 2 days to write them and revise them. It's been over 17 days and they still haven't answer my last mail :( , i've been thinking of writing them another mail, at least to make sure they recived It and maybe use some excuse like something to show them or whatever. idk if i should write them again or not though, i wouldn't want to see annoying or pushy about It. I'm also not sure If maybe they haven't answered bc i wrote something wrong ( i re-read It many times and i don't think there was anything wrong with It? I talked about my Plan and my interests like we both usually do + answered their questions and asked some of my own. I revised It a lot and i think It's ok) maybe bc my message was boring and they just got tired, or maybe i didn't ask enough questions? Or maybe they haven't recived It at all?? Or maybe It's completly normal and i'm just being paranoid. Idk.