Friendship Stories

sometimes i wonder if my best friend is actually the best friend to have in life; it’s like, he’s always around, but does that really make him a good friend? i mean, yeah, we hang out a lot, laugh at stupid stuff, and even help each other when something urgent comes up, but when i really think about it, it feels like he’s only there because it’s convenient. he listens, sure, but it’s not like he truly understands or cares deeply about what i’m saying. sometimes i catch him zoning out mid-conversation, or worse, he changes the subject completely. i guess i can’t blame him too much, we’re all busy, but it makes me question if that’s what a best friend should be. it’s weird, right? shouldn’t the person you consider your closest friend be someone who genuinely wants to know what’s going on in your head?

on the flip side, i have to admit he’s reliable in certain ways, like he’ll always show up if i need to move stuff or fix something, and he’s pretty good with tech issues. but when it comes to emotional stuff or deeper support, he kinda just backs off, or says something like “bro, you’re overthinking it” which kinda stings, you know? there was this one time i really needed advice about a family problem, and he just shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal. i’m starting to realize that maybe he’s just the friend for fun times, not for deep talks or serious moments. it’s confusing, though, because i don’t want to cut him off, but i also don’t want to rely on someone who doesn’t fully support me. what do you think? have you ever felt like your so-called best friend wasn’t really the best person to lean on when it counted?

and it’s not like i’ve got a ton of friends either, so cutting ties feels a bit dramatic, but at the same time, i don’t want to be stuck in a one-sided relationship. sometimes i tell myself to just lower my expectations, to keep it light and casual, but then i feel fake because deep down i want more from a friendship. i can’t help but wonder if i’m the problem, if i’m expecting too much from someone who’s just not wired for that deep connection. is it wrong to want a friend who’s both fun and supportive? or is it just unrealistic to expect both from one person? i don’t know, man; maybe i’m just overthinking it, but it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

All my life I've been making friends for survival. As a child I didn't know why I was making friends, sometimes, for any reason other than to not be alone. I never thought about whether I actually liked the people I was spending my time with. I never took it seriously when they acted mockingly or cruelly towards me. Instead, I saw it as a reason to win them over. I often ended up in friendships that were genuinely worse than just hanging out by myself with a book.

I have three friends right now, who are closer to me than any other friend has been before. It turns out two of them had feelings for me the whole time. I don't have feelings for either of them. I just wanted their friendship and I thought – or rather, hoped – that they were happy with the same. I feel disappointed that they wanted something more. I feel like our friendship isn't enough. It makes me uncomfortable that my friendship with them was the second-place trophy. My other friend is great, but stays inside a lot, so when I ask to hang out, they often say no. It's great whenever we do hang out, and their helicopter parent doesn't tag along unexpectedly – we just don't hang out often anymore.

I wish I had a friend who just wanted to fuckin' hang out with me. Someone who wasn't sticking around because they thought a romance could develop, someone who actually reaches out to ME as much as I reach out to them, someone who feels like my companion.

While I don't have a friend like that, I do have my brother, who I grew up with. He's kind to me, understanding. We can talk completely freely and openly with each other, AND we can keep things private from the other as well. We're totally accepting of each other and I so, so appreciate his presence in my life. Without him I reckon I would feel totally alone.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of either isolating myself, or being as open as I've ever been – or both. That's why I'm optimistic about my future.

I'm finally learning that I don't NEED friends. I want them. And those friendships will come with time and effort, not desperately grasping onto the nearest person who pays any attention to me. I'm the kind of person who many find hard to read or unpredictable, or "too different" to even try to get to know. I reckon that's okay. I don't need their approval or even their understanding. It would sure be fucking nice, but I don't need it anymore.

I can just exist as myself, be actively open to making GENUINE friendships, and wait to see what happens.

So I'm letting go of the idea that I need friends. I'm letting go of the idea that I need to be understood or liked by everyone around me. What I actually need is to like myself, to be able to enjoy spending time with myself. And make no mistake, I love hanging out with other people – but I don't need to consider my own company a second-place trophy. I'm great company. I've gotta enjoy that without thinking about who I could be hanging out with instead.

I have a friend I'll call V, and I've been with him for a really long time. Something I've noticed through the years is that he's really irratable, and his mood can switch within seconds. He's a really nice person overall, but sometimes I wonder if he's going too far. In the past week, I created a youtube channel and made a challange that whichever one of my friends finds it first gets a prize I couldn't think of, so V reccomened $30 bucks and we agreed. From what I've understood, both of us have been really exited (V had a lot of questions about the channel and whatnot, and I would update them about the first video frequently). But recently, I don't know what happened but I think they kind of snapped and told me the whole challange thing was cringe, and from what I can tell got mad about how I couldn't think of a reward and needed ideas at the begining. I don't know if I did anything wrong recently, but I've kind of given up on asking that because of how pissed they get when I do (even when I explain how my autism kind of makes me not know what happened, and me asking what I did isn't me trying to be rude but genuinely wanting to know to take responsability). I don't know what they want me to do either, because it's always mixed. They're the reason I've become a better person (because I used to be a terrible friend to an older friend), but at the same time make me wonder why I even try anymore. At the beginning of the year, they told me I should actually show I care about people (back then I would love people to death but not know how to show it), yet when I started asking questions about their day they said it was annoying and so at some point I just stopped. The only way I really know how to interact with V is by just nodding along when they talk about their intrests, but then that backfires because they say I have no personality and they don't like people with no personalities. I don't feel like I can talk about my personal life with them anymore, and it's gone as far as when two of my pets died I just shut up about it. They say that they know a lot about me and my life (because they say I yapp a lot, though I've been going nonverbal around them), but I know there's a lot I need to tell them (like my triggers and such) that I physicaly cannot now. I've changed over the past year, but the past is the only version of myself that they know.

I'm just tired and really didn't want my summer break to start off this way. I know thats there's still probably a lot they're going through that I don't know about, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm just tired of this happening and really wish they'd communicate what they want more because I'm very confused.

I feel like my coworkers have been excluding me from the group they were in for a long time; in fact, everyone did. They all try to hide the fact that I'm on the outside, silent. I feel like it's not fair. It can't be that I'm excluded within my own work group. I feel like I like a girl. Could this be the same thing happening to her? It bothers me that they sometimes let me know when something is published for others and when it's not.

Yesterday they had a meal and in front of the others they left me alone. I was starving, I didn't have a spoon, and my coworkers knew it, and they continued after I was given a spoon and they didn't. I feel like my coworkers left me behind, and it's not fair. How can I not sell my head to someone else? I haven't felt anyone with me for a long time. I admit it, I feel alone. Since my treatment, I feel alone. I'm provoked by a gentleman who's bothering me and making a scene to see if they really care about me, but it's no use. I'd be exposing myself, something I might not be able to get out of later.

Why am I ostracized at work? Why is it that my coworkers and I aren't one and the same? It's just them and me, it's that simple. In fact, once I was eating alone, they saw me, my boss didn't even appreciate my meal, and he and a coworker were eating on their own. Why isn't there any desire to be with me? Why is there no desire to be with me? Why is everyone ignoring me? What's wrong with me, for God's sake? What's going on here? Why can't I share these kinds of stories on Facebook? I had so many things to express, and the page censored me. That made me so angry. I hope I don't use this website; I really need it to vent. Why can't I be with a person like any other human being?

Why can't I count on anyone around me, my God? Why is it them and me on my side? Why do we pretend nothing's happening? Why am I so weird? Why am I so strange? I feel like I'd really like to get into trouble just to get attention. I admit it, I feel like I'm weird. I don't like being disrespectful, I can't stand disrespect, I demand respect for my work, I like to respect my health at all costs, I'm more modern than them, I reject academic degrees, but despite this, I act as if I have the requirements for obtaining them, I'm not attached to my family, and despite everything, since all of that defines what I think about myself, I do things well. Otherwise, it would bring me problems, that is, people would say that I don't do them well, and here it's the opposite, and that's exactly what makes them embrace me, but not stay there in the long run, given such characteristics. They tolerate me, however, they use those free moments to stop the effort, and frankly, I understand them; I would do the same.

I feel that a man I know has a life that is too disdainful and hasn't known what to do with it, undoubtedly because he doesn't face the events of his past and present. That is, he dwells in them without leaving them, and bases his life solely on fleeing from such issues, from such feelings. In fact, that's why his routine is structured; we agree that we both want to protect our routine, but the foundation and the people are different, that is:

- I'm somewhere between good and bad because my colleagues and I don't quite gel, so there's no extreme. On the other hand, I'm fair, because it clashes and at the same time he tries to keep himself from going deeper, even though he doesn't succeed, which is a huge burden on his life because he feels like his life is always going downhill. I used to feel it, but it was a sensation I had to navigate, given that there is a structure that sustains me.

I base my routine on the freedom to generate ideas for myself and give myself context regarding my surroundings; in his case, however, it's based on remaining on the run from his feelings. My routine seeks confrontation, while his, absence. Indeed, we both flee the consequences of worsening disasters, given that the same path is followed, only mine leads to a favorable course of action, while his leads to a dead end, resulting in despair, which in my case results in nothing but tranquility.

That gentleman and I are superficially similar; however, deep down, we are radically different people. We have no business together. Another difference: I seek to be cautious when getting involved with another, allowing for open spaces within the timeframe that allows; he, for his part, doesn't take that timeframe into account. We can't be together, given that we will enter into a debate of ideas regarding how to do things in a constant manner. Our relationship is impossible. Besides, I choose to take the consequences into account and he doesn't. Such a relationship would go towards a Take me by his side, because of his blindness, because on my part these are issues I would have to explain to him, and he simply refuses. That is to say, the validity would be on his grounds and not mine. Because of mine, I am a developed entity, unlike him, and he ignores it. Therefore, it results in a toxic friendship, in that it would lead to my depersonalization, and the idea is for it to remain valid.

I have to say it. It's a shame that a person similar to me—in terms of, in my opinion, intelligence, interest in writing, learning methods, loneliness, turbulent past, research, sacrifice, and difficulty in life—cannot be with me. We can relate. However, it is a superficial similarity because the aforementioned are means, and the same as a whole, as we have seen, embrace dealing with one or fleeing from one, and therein lies the difference, and in which a necessary distancing is warranted. Indeed, these means are my refuge to recover, as is your case, however, the issue between him and me also lies in the effects on the environment as well, in your case these effects result in a way of staying the same, in your routine, in my case too, however, in the expression of feelings, that is where maturity lies and hence the above: We are simply going to tend to fight together. It is reiterated what was said: It is healthy to separate it, to separate would only settle on unhealthy ground.

i’ve been sitting on this for a while because i don’t even know if it’s my place to bring it up, but it’s been eating at me. a close friend—let’s call him ben—confided in me about his struggles with porn addiction. he didn’t use those exact words, of course. he said things like, “i think i overdo it” and “it’s messing with how i see people.” i didn’t know how to react. i just listened, nodded, told him it’s okay to talk about it. but the truth is, i felt wildly underqualified. i don’t have experience with addiction. i don’t even know what’s considered “normal” anymore with all the stuff floating around online. still, i want to help him. i’m just not sure how.

we talked again a few days later. he mentioned trying to stop but always ending up “relapsing” after a few days. that’s when it hit me—it’s not about willpower. something deeper’s going on. i asked if he’d thought about therapy. he shrugged and said he didn’t think it was “that serious.” is it ever “that serious” in your own mind until someone else tells you it is? i didn’t push him but i planted the seed. maybe that was enough, maybe not. i don’t know. he also talked about how it’s affecting his relationships, how he finds it hard to feel emotionally close to someone when his brain is so rewired. that’s what he said—rewired. like it’s not just a habit, but a full-on shift in how he thinks and feels. scary stuff, honestly;

then came the real curveball. he asked me to hold him accountable. to check in with him, to “help him track progress.” and i wanted to say yes, i really did. but i also knew that puts me in a spot i don’t fully understand. like, what if he fails and feels ashamed to tell me? what if i say the wrong thing and make it worse? i’m not a sponsor or therapist. i’m just a friend. so i told him that, plainly. i said i’d support him and check in when i can, but he needs to be the one steering the ship. he seemed to get it. we talked about maybe finding some online communities—there’s got to be a subreddit or forum somewhere, right? not just for the addiction part but for figuring out how to build healthy habits again. i think that’s the bigger picture here—replacing the behavior with something real, something grounding.

but here’s the thing i keep circling back to: how do you really help someone with a porn addiction? not just nod and say “i’m here for you,” but actually support them in a way that leads to something better? is it about sending resources? is it just being a steady presence? or is there a line where being supportive turns into enabling or putting yourself in an emotional spot you’re not ready for? i don’t have the answers. i’m not sure anyone truly does unless they’ve lived through it. but if you’ve been there, or helped someone who has, what did you do that actually made a difference? what should i avoid? i want to be there for ben, but not at the cost of either of us getting pulled deeper into a place we’re not ready for.

Heyah👋🏻😄!!

My bestie's boyfriend wants to propose to her💍.

They've picked out a wonderful oval diamond ring💍✨!!!

My bestie joked that we should go to a wedding dress store and try on dresses... Me included😱!! I'm not dating anyone... Let alone engaged🫠!! So, I don't know if that would be right for me to try on dresses🥴.

Plus, I'm 4 foot 11 inches tall with watermelons the size of H🫣!! I don't know any wedding dresses AT-STORES that would accommodate that🫥? But my bestie is 5 foot 6 inches tall and has average size fruits😊👍🏻✨!! Like... Hmmm🤔.... A larger honey crisp apple🍎... But 2 of them, since I don't know many people who only have 1 fruit naturally✨👀?

Anyway, what should I do, should I say, "sure" or "nah"? It would be nice to be there when she picks her dress... But I'm only seeing her for 3 days until I head back home for 2 days then hop back on a plane to fly across country🛬.

hello you can adress me as LLWS i have a crush on a girl as a girl and my parents dont know well they are not really my parents ust my grandma who has taken care of me since birth because my parents dont care about me but the girl i like is my best friend ut she is dating my other best friend but ive liked her since 5th grade and the girl shes dating ust came this year and they keep leaving me out and so does my friend group and my parents never see me i dont even know what my mom or dad looks like and it really hurts that they dont care and suddenly all my friends are starting to turn against me and we are about to be in high school and im scared that they are going to leave me and i dont know what to do

i have a friend, well, i guess you could say he used to be a friend, but he's been tangled up in this whirlwind of drug and alcohol issues for years now, and it’s just so hard to watch. he’s 36, but honestly, it feels like he’s aging in dog years, you know? every time we meet, i see this shell of the guy who used to joke around and have these wild ideas about starting a band or traveling the world, but now he just shows up looking disheveled, like life is just pulling him down deeper and deeper. i remember last summer when we had coffee, he told me, “man, i’m trying to get clean,” but here we are, almost a year later, and he’s still in the same spot, bouncing between rehab facilities and temporary solutions that don’t really address the underlying problems. My neighbors probably think i’m his babysitter! there’s been several times i’ve tried to stage an intervention, but he just brushes it off, saying stuff like, “i’ve got this!” or “don’t worry, i’ll be fine!” but the look in his eyes screams otherwise. it’s like watching someone play with fire and pretending they’re not going to get burned. i know people say, “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves,” but then what am i supposed to do? just stand back and watch? it feels so helpless when you see someone you care about slip away and you know the darkness is stronger than their willpower. sometimes, i wonder if i’m enabling him without even realizing it.

do you guys think that could be the case? i mean, when i look back, i’ve offered a place to crash, bought groceries when he was broke, even covered his bills here and there. should i just cut him off completely? it’s a tough call! one minute, i think, “okay, i’m really helping him,” and the next, i’m going, “no, this is not healthy!” i read somewhere that addiction is a disease, and while it’s hard to not take it personally, especially when he makes promises he can’t keep and then spirals back down, and i’m stuck over here being the ‘responsible one’ with my own life going just fine, then without my permission he drags me into his chaotic mess. i often find myself feeling resentful for the energy i’ve poured into this friendship, and then i feel guilty because i know he’s struggling. it’s like being caught in a paradox: wanting to help but also needing to protect my peace of mind! has anyone else dealt with this kind of friendship? it’s exhausting! some days i wish i could just mute the chaos, you know? then again, seeing him on good days gives me this flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll find a way out of this spiral. but those days are few and far between, often overshadowed by despair and anger.

every time i see him pick up a drink or light a joint, i just want to scream! like, can’t he see where this leads? it’s frustrating to see someone throw away their potential for a high that never lasts! i don’t want to be the one who walks away when things get tough, but how long can you support someone who continues to hit ‘restart’ on their life? does loyalty have a statute of limitations? one of my buddies said, “love them from a distance,” which kind of stuck with me because it feels like the right balance – keep your distance but don’t stop caring. but it’s so difficult! that wavering line between support and detachment is a tricky one to walk. every time i hear his phone ring, my stomach drops, wondering if it’s news of an overdose or something equally heartbreaking. and who am i to judge? it feels so unethical to condemn someone for their struggles, yet living in this state of constant worry is exhausting. do you think i’m overreacting? because honestly, at this point, it’s starting to feel like his addiction is my addiction. anyway, he was supposed to come over last weekend, but he canceled last minute, as usual, claiming he was “too busy.” but deep down, i know it’s just another excuse. how much longer can i sit on the sidelines before he pulls me under, too? maybe i'm just thinking too much about it? but, am i really?

You ever have one of those friendships where you’re not sure how you’d survive without the other person? Well, that’s me and Jessica. I mean, life would probably be a hell of a lot duller without her sarcastic comments and loud laugh cutting through my everyday monotony. At 33 years old, I’ve realized it’s rare to find someone who not only gets your weird quirks but embraces them, likes an oversized sweater on a cold winter night. There’s this strange comfort in knowing that while the world can be filled with backstabbing and fake smiles, you have your best friend who unapologetically supports you, even when your life resembles a dumpster fire. 🔥

Jess and I met in college, both of us nursing unfulfilled dreams and a healthy dose of reality check. I remember one late-night study session that turned into us binge-watching terrible reality TV shows instead. We should have been revising for exams, but we were too busy critiquing the fashion choices of anyone who walked through that screen. Crazy enough, we somehow made it through college with decent grades, all thanks to the 'shared misery' index - if she was freaking out about her work, I could focus on mine. The amount of times we’ve nurtured each other through anxiety and doubt could fill an entire book if we wrote it. And isn’t that what friendships are all about? Building each other up, even when the world seems determined to tear us down?

But let’s not kid ourselves; there are days when I question why I even bother with this friendship. Sure, Jess brings a ton of good energy, but there are times it can feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum when they don’t get their way. Like that time she just showed up to my place unannounced with a bottle of cheap wine and an even cheaper movie, demanding we 'decompress.' On a Tuesday night. Seriously? Sometimes, I sweat bullets just thinking about how she manages to be both a wonderful support system and sometimes an exhausting drama queen. It’s an emotional rollercoaster I never asked to be on! 🎢 Honestly, I sometimes wonder if being this close makes me question her sanity or mine; still, she somehow balances my chaos with her own while insisting, “I’m just here to spice up your boring life!”

I guess that’s friendship for you. You recognize the red flags, that mix of frustration and loyalty bubbling beneath the surface, and yet you stay. You endure. And you lean on each other in those moments you just want to scream, "Why the hell are you like this?" But then there are moments of clarity, where I'd be lost in my thoughts and Jess would pop up out of nowhere saying, “Get it together, you got this!” It’s sincerely annoying yet oddly comforting; she holds me accountable without firing me up. It’s the kind of friendship that just makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes, but also genuinely appreciate the messiness of it all. And honestly, who can say they have that? 🤔 You ever find that friend who drives you crazy but is still your rock? What would you do without them???!

I have a friend I'll be calling W.

So I woke up this morning with a huge headache, which ended up being a migraine I'd been expiriancing all week. I could harfly move without immense pain in my skull, and it just got worse throughout the day.

At some point, I had to go to the nurses's office and get my mom to pick me up because of how bad it was getting. My mom took me to the doctor's and the doctor themself said that if the medication she gives us doesn't work then I will probably need to get an IV due to how bad it is. I texted this to my friend (who was still at school at the time) just so they would know why I had to leave.

I have to take days off school a lot because I often get really sick (Mainly during the spring because apparently thats a thing), which W gets kind of mad at me for. They usually play it off as 'your grades will plummit' but a few times they've been downright pissed (theres also quitea few things I don't pick up on because I have autism escpecially with text messages, so there could be something I'm completely missing).

When my friend got back and talked about the whole failing classes thing again, I said I understood but I physically was about to black out. I kind of made a joke about myself not having a strong immune system (because jokes are how I've been coping with stuff for a few years now, and it's nothing new to my friend group because two other people do it too) and thats when they went off. they said I was too busy laughing to care about other people, which kind of confused me because they're usually the one making fun of my weak immune system. I told W I wanted to stay at school but was going to black out, but then they started talking about how it's not their job to 'make me perfect' which honestly confused me even more. They also said how they shouldn't be pointing out my mistakes (as in ones with relationships I think) which just made me even more confused because up until then they'd always talk about how I had to fix those things, which I tried really hard to do. I don't at all understand why it's such a bad thing I had to leave because of the migraines if I was going to pass out, and I don't know what to say to them/if I should say anything, or if I should even go to school tomorrow (a part of me of me secretly kind of hopes that I do have to miss due to the migraines and having to be in the hospital or wherever just so I can prove the migraines aren't just some headache like they think they are).

I have no clue what to do now, I'm scared of loosing this friend, and my head is still killing me.

It's been five long years since that fateful day when my entire world was turned upside down. I vividly recall sitting on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels, when an unexpected call shattered the fragile sense of calm. My best friend, the one I confided in and celebrated countless milestones with, had crossed the ultimate line—he stole my wife. I was blindsided, left grappling with a whirlwind of emotions—betrayal, anger, and profound sadness. Now, out of the blue, he’s reaching out, claiming he misses our friendship. As I contemplate this peculiar situation, I find myself wrestling with the fundamental question: how does one forgive someone for such a monumental transgression? 🤔

The wounds inflicted by that betrayal run deep, making it difficult for me to even entertain the notion of rekindling any semblance of a relationship. A close friend once told me, “Forgiveness is not about the other person; it’s about you.” This thought lingers in my mind as I resist the urge to react impulsively. Is forgiveness synonymous with condoning his actions? I often wonder if I am ready to welcome that kind of emotional vulnerability back into my life. Perhaps he truly has had a change of heart, and yet that doesn’t erase the pain of lost trust and shattered expectations. I also reflect on the impact this could have on my personal development. After all, holding onto bitterness can be like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Yet, will I be strong enough to let go?

Admittedly, the idea of forgiveness is a double-edged sword, tantalizing yet terrifying. I can’t help but ponder the concept of second chances. Are we not all human, prone to error? If I were to grant my friend the opportunity to explain himself, would I be unearthing potential for closure or merely reopening old wounds? I sit here, weighing the delicate balance between self-preservation and compassion. Ultimately, I want to be optimistic—perhaps this is a moment to reflect on personal growth. Could this be the pivotal moment that propels me towards healing? Ultimately, I aim to navigate these turbulent waters with an open heart. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you manage to forgive someone who caused you immense pain?

so yesterday I "adopted" my friend Will (yk how like friends do that it's funny) and today I was talking to Katy and I mentioned how i'd adopted Will and I gave Katy a headpat and said, "you're [will's real name]'s sister now" and she said "no I wanna be the other parent"

and I thought she was saying it in like a way like as like a friend thing, like the whole friendly adoption thing, you know like platonic. so I was like "is that what you mean" and she said no, like actually

my brain kinda short circuited and I still thought she meant in a platonic way but now that my brain is fine I'm like- WHAT

so idk what the hell just happened

help?

for forever, i had tried to seem perfect. trying to be that constantly-motivating-setting-examples for my not so guided friends. but what do i get out of it when i cant be my own example? for far too long i havent been able to get out of bed without a bad mood.

my best friend Katy (not real name) is a bit su1c1d4l and she's not at school today

I feel like I have nothing to do with these new people who come into my life. I don't feel like I have anything to do; to me, they're complete strangers, people who disrupt my routine, and therefore, I don't want them around. It bothers me that they've shown up with their friendship, but at the same time, I'm grateful for it. I feel like I'd like to be with them, but I can't bring myself to leave my routine under any circumstances. I admit it, I'm terribly afraid of messing up their lives, of changing them, of making them feel bad.

I don't feel like it's right to just enter someone else's life. I can't. I feel like I'll make a mess of things. The same thing happened with my parents; I came into their lives and made a mess of them. Of course, they called me and were feeling unwell, and that's the paradox, because they could have made a mechanical return to me, giving me up for adoption or something like that. I feel that, in and of itself, that said, I'm not at all responsible for my parents' inability to respond to my needs from their routine. Initially, I wasn't suited to it, and upbringing is never temporary.

The relationship with my parents did end in disaster, of course. It went from a small issue to a bigger one, and indeed, between parents and children, the question of waiting until they were little would indeed be a person out of touch with the development of humanity. I feel, I confess, that I'm ready to enter another person's life, for them to enter it. That is, I feel capable of achieving a perfect, at least approximate, contribution to my routine and theirs. I can't say I won't disappoint them, however, what I will say is that I will choose not to make that my relationship the way it was for my parents.

I confess, if I say it, I'd like to have a boyfriend. Why not say it? With one of the doctors who treated me, being friends with another of them, and being a friend to others. Why deny it? That's what I feel. I know the harsh reality is that it's impossible, that such feelings will only lead to disappointment. However, I feel that this time it is possible, despite my over-excited and uncontrollable actions, undoubtedly the product of my feelings for them. However, it's so good because I'm gradually seeking that support, and it's something, without fear of misunderstanding, that they have witnessed.

I'm frank; I haven't lied to them about not being able to control myself. It's true, for the love of God. I feel I couldn't do it, I couldn't under any circumstances, and I've experienced various feelings with them. I feel very sorry for the doctors for having upset them, for having made them see strange things that a psychiatrist could see, but let's be clear: These doctors, who are dentists, are not trained in this field. It's surprising that I behaved heroically in this regard because, let's be clear, they were absolutely free to respond with some kind of retaliation, since something beyond what was being asked of them was asking. It was beautiful that all of them, in the end, were with me, didn't abandon me. I can't help, and I say this from the heart, not considering them my friends, people who love me, people who go beyond what is professional, and I suppose it's because the case required it, which speaks, without fear of being wrong, to the fact that their profession is about them and not about fulfilling their job. It must be said, I feel loved, cherished, and, despite my behavior, where I showed rebellion toward my family, they still remained there. I can't say anything other than that I feel I'm serving them, whatever it may be, without even needing to set limits, because I'm in the presence of good people.

I have to say, these doctors deserve everything, and despite that, they don't want gifts, which even surprises me. It's obvious they don't seek rewards for their work, but I believe it's the right thing to do. How can someone have the heart to love me after I'd been rebellious toward my parents? Why didn't they want to go further? Why did they remain impartial? What a beautiful heart is that? I highly doubt a university would teach that, ever. The answer is that I did have a splendid team. I criticized them a lot because, in fact, the field of mental health wasn't approached with precision, as I think it should have been. However, I feel that this makes their efforts completely welcome to me. They excelled in something that not many people can. In fact, they fought for my health, for me to be well, and that's great.

Why did I have to have such good people in my life? Honestly, I don't think I deserve them, but that's how it was. I feel like I love them, from the bottom of my heart. I love them, I love them, and I feel like they never acted against me In fact, they resisted their own feelings, causing them to go elsewhere. I love them, I can't say otherwise. I wish my parents could have made this effort, I wish my family had been able to do it before, I wish my friends had done what these people did. I insist, these doctors touched my heart; they were more humane than I thought, and because of methodology, I dared to call them inhuman, but I confess I never saw what they did, which is what counts in the long run. Freud said that a few kind words are no medicine, and this has been my thing.

I don't know how to express my joy. It's immense. I never thought this was inside me. I knew I had to dig and dig and dig through my feelings, and I never thought I'd find such a beautiful feeling. In fact, one of them wrote me that they wished me well, another welcomed me with open arms, and the other still recommended appropriate medical procedures. In other words, even though I behaved harshly during treatment, they were still there, they're still there. I feel like I wasn't just another patient, a consumer product, and that's it, but that there was something more. Something very deep that came from within. How can I stop remembering such affection? And my family wanted me to forget it, absolutely not. They, less than anyone, deserve to be forgotten, under any circumstances, but to be remembered with great affection. In fact, I felt like there was a family with me, a family that cared for me and is still there. I love this family, even though they don't see it that way.

I can't believe it. I feel like I've had the opportunity of a lifetime: to have a family, and I may be the only member of my biological family who has had this opportunity. Of course! I'm not going to waste it!