Friendship Stories

So I face this situation where there's a pretty big discrepancy in salary between me and my friends (when I say big, I mean BIIIIG... like if my friends were european 🤣). They know about it, of course, and the thing is, they often expect me to pay for stuff whenever we're out. It's not just once or twice but almost every time we go out for dinner or drinks, I'm kinda expected to cover the bill, including tips 💸 I mean, it's not like I don't want to share my good fortune with them but after a while it feels like I'm being taken advantage of.

I've read some articles about setting boundaries in relationships which suggest open communication as key (like Forbes mentions that in their piece on professional relationships) but it's easier said than done 😅 How do I bring this up without sounding rude or pretentious? Excuse me if that's not the best word to express what i mean; What I intend to say is that I'm trying to maintain harmony in our friendships without burning bridges.

Moreover, I'm aware financial disparity can create tension within social circles. It seems inevitable yet addressing it requires diplomacy and tact 🤔 Am I overthinking it? Perhaps it's just my imagination running wild with no clear resolution at hand... My concern is that if unchecked, this pattern could potentially erode our friendship over time.

I sometimes hear people suggest splitting bills evenly as an approach but isn't it awkward asking friends who earn less than you do for their share? Having read podcasts on financial harmony among friends gives various perspectives but they all boil down to one simple question: how do we navigate conversations around money respectfully while still maintaining equity?

At times I've considered bringing it up casually next time there's a group hangout scheduled. Maybe something like 'hey guys let's try Dutch-treat tonight' or whatever might sound friendly enough not imposing at all; Guess I'm looking for advice from others who have been through similar predicaments.

I'm so tired of everyone acting like having no friends is no big deal. Let me tell you, it freaking sucks. It's not like I'm some kind of recluse who avoids people on purpose. I try to put myself out there but it's like there's some invisible barrier keeping me from making real connections. It's like everyone else got the memo on how to socialize and I'm just left winging it without a damn clue; I mean, how does anyone survive without a solid group of pals to hang with? People always say things like 'just join a club' or 'get out more.' But it's not that simple! I've tried joining groups, taking classes, even going to community events but half the time I end up feeling more isolated than before. And don't get me started on small talk at work, which feels like pulling teeth every damn time.

You know what's messed up? The way society constantly shoves this crap down our throats about being liked and having tons of friends on social media. Nobody talks about what it's like to manage when you're completely alone most of the time. Social gatherings feel like some twisted form of punishment instead of fun opportunities because I'm stuck comparing myself to people who seem to have effortless bonds with others. At this point, I'd probably cut someone if it meant having one genuine friend who isn't flaky or only around during their convenience.

So yeah, here's my rant for today: screw all those stupid motivational posts that say stuff like 'you are your own best friend!' or 'you don't need anybody else!' That's total BS when reality hits you in the face every night with no one asking how your day went or giving a damn about your existence. Maybe it's just me but having no friends is massively freaking lonely and exhausting 😒.

talking about what makes a good friend isn't as easy as just ticking off a checklist. different people have different expectations and values, so opinions on this topic can vary wildly. perhaps one person's definition of loyalty is not the same as another's, or someone might prioritize honesty over anything else. it's fascinating to consider what each individual perceives as vital traits in friends. there are numerous characteristics such individuals look for, and oftentimes these criteria may shift with circumstances or age.

i often find myself pondering: what exactly constitutes a 'good' friend? some say a good friend should always be there when needed, while others argue that it's all about being supportive during both victories and pitfalls. then there's trustworthiness: without it, relationships crumble more easily than expected, no matter how seemingly strong they appear from the outside. i tend to believe some level of understanding must accompany any real friendship; that unspoken bond enabling you to know when words aren't even necessary. maybe what counts is truly subjective shaping itself around life's many complexities.

what about your friends??

Friend A and B went to Disneyland tgt tdy, so I asked friend B how their trip was

The whole convo:

Me: [ responds to her Instagram story where she took a picture of her shoes with friend A ]

FEET

B: lol

Me:😛😛😛

😏😏😏

How was Disney btwwwww

B: mad rn

What could I have possibly done wrong…? How do I make it up to her? Did I even do anything wrong?

I hate that I feel always so left out by my friends. Sometimes we get along and it’s fun but i feel like no one invites me anywhere and I try so so hard to include other people when they look excluded but no one ever does the same for me. I feel like I’m so boring that no one cares about me at all outside of school. I hate being the second choice and I hate myself.

[So for context I live in Italy, and here we rent home for university student, and I live with three other girls ( for extra privacy we'll call them A, B and C)

The problem is that since we met, A has had some attitudes that I would say are not good. For context, if she is sad or angry it is noticeable, she makes it evident, and she often has main character syndrome behaviors, A is usually a very lively and clingy person so when she is sad or angry you notice it because she is silent and snorts frequently. Over time, I've started to have a different attitude in situations where she acts like this (before, she was often asked what was wrong, if everything was okay), that is, I stay silent, ignoring her obvious sadness; the problem with the whole situation is that neither B nor C can tolerate her when she acts like this anymore, but B continues to ask her why she's sad knowing that she'll give her unwanted vents, which often turn out to be quite heavy to hear, talking to B about the situation I found myself in a moment of discussion about it, because she "complains" that A is always like this but at the same time she continues to ask A why she is sad, It seems so stupid to me, and at the end of the discussion I got "angry" saying that it was wrong to keep asking her what went wrong, because that way A would never learn to regulate her emotions (for context: A has a background in which she had angry issues even for the smallest things, and furthermore, being an only child, no one ever said no to her, so let's say that her emotions don't know how to regulate them very well) (other context: these situations happen like 2/3 times a week and before you can think of anything you need to know that she regularly feels "bad" about situations where normal people would continue their day as if nothing had happened)

B she agreed with me, even if it seemed forced, at this point my guilt almost ate me up, and I started to think that maybe I could actually be the bad guy in the whole situation

been talking to someone for a couple months we both expressed we like each other but agreed to not date for the time being bc of outside things which isn’t the main issue just to give some context. We both like this artist and they suggested we meet up before or after said artists concert since one of the venues is near both of us. I really want to go but i’m also very hesitant I have ptsd and anxiety from stuff when i was younger/teenager and it heavily contributes to social situations and I’m not the best talker I tend to shut down and just listen to people unless I find something(if anything) to say. I also don’t want to embarrass them bc they’re bringing their friends along. Idk I need some help.

I'm a teen and I've been friend with this guys for around 3 or 4 years. He has autism spectrum and struggles with friendships and relationships. When I first met him he was really in a bad mental situation, he wanted to die and kept SH himself. In that period that I think lasted around a year or two he always texted me and I was there to help and in the end I managed to make him stop. He got better until one day a friend of ours decided to spread humors he was manipulative and a bunch of other lies, that was I think around a year ago. I was always there to help him but for some months now he started smoking every day and drinking (he's still a minor), he also started SH a bit again, not as bad as before but it's still something I'd rather he not do.

I keep trying to help me but it's always this loop of me asking him to try to stop, him promising but restarting immediately after.

Today he fought with another friend and he immediately texted me. They fought because he's intense as a person, such as physical touch and he's really blunt and brutally honest. I told him to apologize to her and to actually try to 'fix' that side of him with her because nobody shows 100% of their personality. He keeps being defensive and acting like what I'm saying to him is something impossible for him.

In the end I told him that I'm not his psychologist and that I can't do more if he doesn't even try.

I admit my answer was maybe harsh but really I was getting irritated and annoyed at him and I really held myself back from swearing at him.

For context: he has a very good family that supports him and he also has a psychologist.

Sometimes I feel like the annoying, dumb, designated ugly fat friend, when compared to my friends who are thin, pretty/handsome, smart. In addition I did try telling them both about how I felt with them, but it didn't feel like they cared much. But it could be just me over thinking. The worst part was whenever one had a sort of phase where she kept saying she looked fat while eating or just infront of me, I tried somewhat talking to her about it, but as I said before it felt like they (or she in this situation) couldn't care less, which in hindsight took a great toll on my mental health, so currently I just feel like a pig with lipstick everytime I try to make myself look prettier or something like that, i feel annoying when trying to talk about my feelings to them , because the most common response i would get from them both is 'no it's not like that' or whatever. However, all of this could just be me over thinking...

I’m a pretty self aware person. I’ve done a lot of healing over the past few years and I’m pretty good at identifying my behaviors and all the stuff.

I still struggle to understand what are normal social things and just things you have to get over. And one of the things is the fact my boyfriend and my best friend discuss me.

My best friend told me at the beginning that when they conversate, I have permission at any point to ask and view their messages. And honestly I have no worries of any affairs or cheating.

However me and my friend got heated because she was continuing to push me on something when i repeatedly told her to stop. Long story short, there were tears and i eventually told my bf what happened.

He confronted my friend and askedwhy she was upsetting me and to cut it out, which i did really appreciate, because clearly she wasn’t listening to me when I told her to stop. And they talked about it and all, and he defended me throughout, which is really awesome, especially since I didn’t know about this, and I appreciate that I have someone who has my back even when I’m not there.

But when my friend was showing me, or at least, reading them, I asked her if I could just read it myself. And she said that it felt like a breach of privacy and joked that they talked shit about me and talk about me, which made me uncomfortable. And the fact that it’s a breach of privacy when it’s me who’s being discussed, makes me uncomfortable of what they could be talking about, because these things could be discussed with me.

I know they discussed how frustrated they were about my housing situation, and how I was being dumb about it. It just makes me not want to tell them anything, and I feel like I can’t trust what they reveal about me. I feel like their project and child, when I’m a human being who has feelings and if you feel the need to hide feeling like that and band together to discuss it, it makes me feel like they’re hiding things from me, secret feelings and gripes and I have to watch them grow to resent me or complain about me.

Is this ok? Like talking about me without me knowing? If it is then I can learn to get over it and not take it personally but if it’s not, I’d like to know, so I can share these feelings with them. Because my nervous system is telling me to never trust them with anything about me, and to leave them in the dark so they can’t use what I entrust them with, against me. But I know that it only hurts the relationship and “protects” me.

Any thoughts?

Writing this makes me wonder what if people think that I am really problem? What if everyone blames me? But am I really the problem? am i really the one at fault? It all started when I started going to college.Me typically being a very big extrovert started being an introvert.First day it was a big pressure new place new people will i fit in .I never once in my life was alone anywhere so the first day really made me tensed.Got into the classroom sat with someone who had a mean face but was rather friendly,A week passed by ,class elections had to be done myself being a great enthusiast of responsibilities even without knowing if anyone liked me stood for the election with utter confidence and failed by 2 votes.After two days a girl transferred from another branch to our class was sitting alone in a bench,she made me remind myself so i went and sat near her,she was really pretty but had a face of someone who is really quite,I hoped for a conversation and she made the first move and one of the first things she asked me was if i had a boyfriend and that question gave me a really bad flashback but with that question i knew we were gonna be bestfriends.

i don't really know how to say it without sounding like i am begging or being dramatic but i don't have friends and it feels weird because i am not even sure when it happened!! i used to think people just sort of stayed around if you were normal enough and nice enough and did not bother them too much?? but i guess that is not how it works for me!! i had people before who i talked to in class or at work or outside for little things and we laughed sometimes and it felt like maybe that was friendship but then when the reason to see each other was gone they just went gone too!! not in a mean movie way or anything like that just quiet and normal and kind of boring which makes it worse in a way?? because nobody did anything big and evil!! nobody betrayed me with a giant speech!! it was just messages getting shorter and plans not happening and me saying maybe next week and them saying yeah for sure and then nothing!! and i also did that sometimes so i can not act like i am innocent and perfect!! maybe i am hard to know!! maybe i answer too slow because i get scared and then i answer too much because i panic!! maybe i make people feel like i do not need them and then i sit in my room thinking why does nobody need me!! is that stupid?? maybe it is but it is still my real feeling!!

i remember one time i bought snacks because someone said they might come over and watch something with me and i cleaned my room badly but proudly like i was hosting a royal event even though it was just me shoving clothes under the bed!! then they said they were tired and could we do it another day and i said sure no worries!! i meant it too because people get tired and people have lives and i do not want to be that person who makes everything about me!! but after i said sure i just sat there with the snacks on the table and felt like the whole room got bigger and empty in a really ugly way!! i ate half of them and felt sick and then felt guilty for feeling sad about such a normal cancel thing!! so yeah i can see both sides!! people are allowed to cancel!! people are allowed to have other friends and families and problems!! but i am also allowed to feel like i am disappearing a little every time i get left on maybe!! do you ever feel like you are not hated but just not picked?? because that is the part that gets me!! i am not fighting with anyone!! i am not blocked by anyone!! i am just not the person anyone thinks to call when they are bored or happy or falling apart!! i guess i am writing this because i don't know where else to put it; maybe that sounds pathetic but i do not think it is only pathetic!! maybe it is just honest!! i think there is something really embarrassing about admitting you are lonely because people start looking for what is wrong with you!! are you too negative?? are you clingy?? are you boring?? are you secretly rude?? and maybe yes to some of it!! i have bad moods and i overshare and then i shut up for weeks!! i make jokes that land weird!! i say i am fine when i am not fine and then i get annoyed nobody guessed!! that is not fair to people either!!

the worst part is that i still like people!! i am not sitting here saying everyone is fake and terrible and i am the only deep person in the world!! i know some people are busy and some people are shy and some people already have full lives and maybe they do not even know i am lonely!! i also know friendship takes work and i have not always done the work right!! sometimes i wait for someone else to ask first because i want proof they care!! then they also wait maybe and then we both become ghosts!! that is kind of funny in a sad dumb way!! i have been trying little things like saying hello more and not acting like every conversation has to become a lifelong bond!! i try to ask about people and actually listen!! but sometimes after a normal talk i go home and replay every word like i was being tested and failed!! why is it so hard to just exist near people?? why does my brain make a small silence feel like a trial?? i do not want a huge group or some perfect life!! i just want one or two people who think of me without needing a reason!! someone who can text me something random and not make me feel like i am bothering them when i text back!! i want to be able to say i am having a bad day and not feel like i am filing a complaint!! maybe that will happen and maybe it will not!! i am trying to not turn bitter because bitter feels like a locked door from the inside!! but tonight i am tired and i am admitting it badly!! i don't have friends!! i have people i know and people i used to know and people i almost knew!! and maybe tomorrow i will feel less dramatic!! but right now it feels true and heavy and stupid and human!!

so i have this friend and shes constnatly talks about either our mututal (her best friend) flower in a semi romantic/plationic way (they got some platonic romance going on idk they're pretty much lesbians togehter) and jaes constantly talking about flower or saying how she misses her or how she wants her to join and will shape everything around her. ALSO, MORE COMMONGLY, she will do the same but for some fictional fucking ANIME GIRL shes UNIRONCIALLY (AND I MEAN THIS SERIOUSLY) FUCKING OBESSED WITH. "I MISS KOHANE" "I LOVE KOHANE" "I LOVE BLONDES (kohanes a blonde)" "KOHANE KOHANE KOHANE KOHANE". if me and my group are talking about something SHE WILL RANDOMLY COM IN AND BE LIKE "I LOVE KOHANE" OR "I LIKE BLONDES" OR "IM A LESBIAN" AND SHE DOES THIS EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. WITHOUT A SINGLE HIT OF A FAIL, IM TELLING YOU EVERY DAY EVERY FUCKING DAY. AND SHE WHATS WORSE, WHEN IM DOING SOMETHING WITH HER OR PLANNING SOMETHING WITH HER TO DO SHE WILL LITERALLY CANCEL IT, JUST TO HANG OUT WITH FLOWER, SHE'S DONE THIS MULITPLE TIMES "sorry me and flower jsut haven't been able to play alot recently!"(genuine paraprashed qoute from her) and I FEEL LIKE I CANT SAY ANYTHING BAOUT IT BECAUSE I CANT TELL IF IM JUST BEING JEALOUS OR IF ITS A REAL PROBLEM BECAUSE I DO FEEL JEALOUS AND INSECURE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ALOT OF CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS ANYMORE AND SEEING IT REALLY IRCKKS THE HELL OUT OF ME, ITS NOT EVEN THE FACT SHES OBESSED WITH FLOWER, I LIKE FLOWER TOO AS A FRIEN BUT ITS THE FACT SHE ALWAYS FUCKING CHOOSES HER OVER ANYONE ELSE ESPECIALLY ME AND IT REALLY MAKES ME UPSET AND THINK WHATS THE FUCKING POINT IN TRYING IF I'LL ALWAYS BE TE LAST FUCKING PICK. oh and i forgot to mention, her and flower WHILE acting super lovey dovey and gay with each other will joke around and make fun of me which im not too against because i guess its the groupchat humor to make fun of me i guess and i do it myself sometimes but still

Hi, so, I have a friend who's the favorite in the group, and I consider her my "best" and only true friend, even though we never see each other at school. Recently, she told me about some problems she's having, like loneliness and that she cant talk about it to no one.

And I can't help but wonder how she can feel like this when she's not rejected or ignored while she still the favorite and the one with a lot of friends (not like lol).

It makes me angry and sad at the same time because I feel like I'm not a good friend of not trully believe her and constently compare to her.

Im not looking for a lecture

and moral because I know everyone can feel this way, etc. I'm looking for advice on how to help her because like i have the same problems but i really dont have friends to talk to while shes the favorite and... Idk.

Give me your pov and what should i/she do

Maybe I'm too "woke" or something but I can't bring myself to be mad at a woman. At all.

Throughout all my current years and childhood moving up into adulthood, I feel like i can't exactly be mad at a woman no matter what it is she does. Women gave gone through decades of suffering and being silenced, and they still are in a world where we're supposed to be helping them — aiding them.

I don't feel comfortable hating or kinkshaming a woman, but it's strange because I feel more than comfortable to kinkshame a man. Does this make sense to any of you? I'd defend women with my life as a man, but I wouldn't really care about men unless they're close to me.

In the same vein I feel horrible when I see a sad woman, but not so much for a man despite being a male myself. To me, their decades of suffering makes me feel like women do not deserve to suffer any longer just for being a woman — and that is true to me — men have been at the "top" for a while, so I suppose I switched things up and my brain isn't very lenient to them?

It's a strange train of thought that I'm not sure has any origin, is it a good thing? A bad thing?

My apologies I just needed to get some of it out.