Friendship Stories

so i've been pondering recently about what makes a good friend, and whether the ones i have really fit that description. i'm 35 now and these friends, well, we've known each other since we were teens. that's a long time to keep people in your life just because they happened to be there when you were awkward and pimply. but sometimes i wonder if they're the kind of friends i actually wanted or if i've just stuck around out of habit.

like, what even are the traits of a good friend? it feels like such a basic question but seriously. is it loyalty, honesty, someone who'll tell you when you're being an idiot or just nod and smile? do they need to share your interests or can you both just... exist together without any common ground?

let me give you an example: one time i was moving apartments and honestly expected at least one of them to show up and help with boxes but nah, it was crickets. sure, they had their reasons (don’t we all), but man, that felt crappy. maybe i'm expecting too much but isn't support during those times what you'd expect from friends?

ok ok so maybe i'm being harsh or putting too much weight on some trivial stuff but man it's exhausting wondering if you're misplacing your trust in people who won't reciprocate when push comes to shove. idk if this whole friendship dynamic is something that has some hidden guidelines nobody told me about. anyone else feel like this?

Asked out my friend and well got rejected not mad or sad kinda expected it but honestly the issue comes with me idk how to explain i hate my self yeah and i want to better my self but i never had real friends or a fun childhood i dont have any talents or niches but everyone around me does i feel talentless and well idk and well when i hang with my friends i dont connect or even in the friend group i pretend i play a role like in a play and the moment i fufill it i dissapear like they know im their but im not ya know its weird and i soe d money just to hang cuz well no one invites me to things and when people invite me its weird im starting to see the world through a lens of friendship can be bought because i have to invite to hang and spend money and i even spend money on them because i dont want them to leave i feel more comfortable in being used because well no one ever does the same for me invites me or just does it just cause idk i just feel like everything can be bought now if you have money and i dont mind being used if they stay friendship has officially kinda become dead now to me same thing with relationships idk kinda weird i guess i just hope they still need me i want to have real friends one day if thats even possible same thing for love if not ill just go on one time use all my money and just end it i guess just one day where i go out either a bang idk when i think about i just feel happy when i think about it i kinda cNt wait for that day mabye its just self sabotage oh well what can i do about it

I am not very use to have friends, at least not the kind of friends where you can just write something random during the day and not feel like you are disturbing them or being too dramatic. Most of my life, I was more the polite person in the background, the one who can speak with people, make jokes when needed, help with something practical, and then disappear without anyone really noticing. So when I became close to my friend almost a year ago, it honestly felt strange, but in a good way. We have alot of common interests, and our conversations can go from very ordinary subjects to oddly specific debates about things nobody else in my life would probably care about. I think that is why I started caring about him more than I expected. It was not some huge cinematic friendship, but more like a steady notification in my life that I was actually happy to receive.

Recently, he lost his mother, and I have been feeling quite clumsy about it. I want to console him, but I keep having the social confidence of a badly updated software release. I know grief is not something I can fix with a motivational sentence or a cup of coffee, but I also do not want to just stand there doing nothing. I sent him a message saying that I was really sorry, that I was there for him, and that he did not have to answer if he did not feel like it. Then I stared at the message like it was a professional incident report and started wondering if it sounded too cold, too much, too little, or somehow all of those things at once. I wanted to write something kind and not turn into a strange customer support email;

The difficult part is that I do care, very much, but I am not always good at the emotional “front-end” of friendship. Inside, I feel worried for him, sad, and even a bit protective. Outside, I probably look like someone trying to choose the correct button on a machine they have never used before. I remember one time, months ago, when I was feeling down about something personal. It was not a tragedy like losing a parent, of course, but I felt quite lost. He did not make a grand speech or pretend to have the perfect answer. He just listened, made one or two small jokes at the right moment, and somehow made the whole situation feel less heavy. I think about that now because maybe I do not need to produce a perfect speech either. Maybe I only need to stay available, gently, without forcing him to perform sadness or gratitude.

Still, I overthink everything. Should I message him every few days, or is that annoying? Should I offer to meet, or will that feel like pressure? Should I say “your mother” or avoid saying it because it might hurt? It is strange how caring about someone can turn simple communication into a full operational protocol. In my opinion, people who grew up with many close friendships maybe know these things more naturally. They understand the rhythm, the escalation level, the right amount of presence. I am still learning the basic user manual. I want to tell him that he can speak about her if he wants, or not speak at all if that is easier. I want to tell him that we can go for a walk, eat something, talk about nonsense, or just sit there like two tired people existing in the same room. But I also do not want to sound like I am planning a grief management workshop, because that would be terrible and probably very me.

I suppose the best I can do is be honest, warm, and a bit less afraid of being imperfect. He probably does not need me to become some wise philosopher with perfectly ironed sentences. He needs, maybe, a friend who remembers him, who checks in without making it all about himself, and who can keep a little normality alive while his world feels abnormal. I cannot remove the loss, and I know it would be ridiculous to think I could. But I can be present in small ways. I can send a message that says, “I’m thinking about you today,” even if it sounds simple. I can listen if he wants to speak, and I can accept silence if he does not. I can continue sharing our usual strange conversations when he is ready, because maybe ordinary things can also be a kind of comfort. I am not an expert in friendship, and I will probably make some awkward mistakes, but my intention is real. I hope that, even through my clumsy words, he can understand that he is not alone.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had a tight-knit group of friends. We did everything together: studying for exams, hanging out on weekends, and even planning future trips. But lately, things have started to change, and I'm not sure why. Conversations feel increasingly strained, and it often feels like I'm on the outside looking in. It's frustrating because we used to have this seamless connection, and now I can't help but feel like something's off. Am I doing something wrong? Did I miss some social cue along the way? 😕

The other day, we were supposed to meet up for dinner at our usual spot downtown. I was really looking forward to it because things felt normal again... or so I thought. Everyone seemed preoccupied with their phones and didn't engage much in conversation. When I tried bringing up subjects we usually love discussing, there was minimal response... even from those who would typically lead the discussion! It was like talking into a void. The only real interaction was when they burst into laughter over an inside joke I apparently wasn't part of. Ouch...

So here I am, trying to dissect every possible reason behind this sudden shift in dynamics among us. Could it be just stress affecting everyone differently? Or maybe they're moving on without me and I'm oblivious to it? I'd like to think it's temporary... some kind of weird phase they'll snap out of... but how can one be sure? This uncertainty is eating away at me in ways words can't fully express! Anyway, thanks for listening if you got this far.

how do i stop obsessing over a friend, it feels like losing a limb or some crucial part of my life. we were super tight, like closer than most siblings. we shared everything and now it's just... gone, poof like dust in the wind. i've tried reaching out but it's always one-sided, they're not interested anymore and it sucks big time. every time i pick up my phone my thumb hesitates over our old chat. what if this time they're ready to reconnect? each silence feels like rejection, tangible and heavy. can't shake it off no matter what.

i get caught in these spirals replaying convos trying to find where things went south. was it me? did they just lose interest? maybe they're going through stuff and i wouldn't know coz we're not talking anymore which is their own damn fault anyway! everyone says move on but like sorry, easier said than done when you've given so much of yourself into someone who suddenly vanishes from your life capriciously or whatever. advice-friends chirp in with self-care whoo-ha but really how do you just switch that off? feelings don't work on command!

I recently discovered my group of friends at uni are talking behind my back and it's got me feeling all sorts of ways! Like, seriously??? Why does this keep happening?! I mean, is it even normal for people to do this stuff... or am I just attracting the wrong crowd? It was a random night out when I noticed this strange vibe. You know when everyone suddenly seems to go quiet as soon as you join the group? Yeah, that happened to me just last weekend. Nobody mentioned anything directly to me, but you can just feel it. It’s in their looks, sidelong glances, and secretive whispers. Ugh! 🙄 Even though I'm trying not to let it bother me too much (easier said than done), it’s still upsetting. Why are we humans like this?! Life in uni is supposed to be fun and full of good times with friends!!! Not filled with suspicions and betrayal.

It gets me wondering: was it the same for them back then as well? Back when we were kids?! Like... maybe it's just something that happens?? I'm hoping that's not the case because I really want to have genuine friendships; nothing superficial or fake. Now, every time they talk or laugh without including me, there's this tiny worry at the back of my mind... what if they're laughing about something I've shared with them? 😅 Maybe I'm overthinking it all!!! There's a part of me that wants to confront them but I'm not sure if that'll help or just make things worse!. Wouldn't life be so much better if people were straightforward and honest rather than sneaky and two-faced? Yet somehow... I'm staying hopeful that things will get better. Because they HAVE TO right?? It's exhausting thinking everyone might have a hidden agenda! But who knows, maybe these bumps in relationships are what ultimately strengthen them onwards no matter how cliché that sounds?

So I face this situation where there's a pretty big discrepancy in salary between me and my friends (when I say big, I mean BIIIIG... like if my friends were european 🤣). They know about it, of course, and the thing is, they often expect me to pay for stuff whenever we're out. It's not just once or twice but almost every time we go out for dinner or drinks, I'm kinda expected to cover the bill, including tips 💸 I mean, it's not like I don't want to share my good fortune with them but after a while it feels like I'm being taken advantage of.

I've read some articles about setting boundaries in relationships which suggest open communication as key (like Forbes mentions that in their piece on professional relationships) but it's easier said than done 😅 How do I bring this up without sounding rude or pretentious? Excuse me if that's not the best word to express what i mean; What I intend to say is that I'm trying to maintain harmony in our friendships without burning bridges.

Moreover, I'm aware financial disparity can create tension within social circles. It seems inevitable yet addressing it requires diplomacy and tact 🤔 Am I overthinking it? Perhaps it's just my imagination running wild with no clear resolution at hand... My concern is that if unchecked, this pattern could potentially erode our friendship over time.

I sometimes hear people suggest splitting bills evenly as an approach but isn't it awkward asking friends who earn less than you do for their share? Having read podcasts on financial harmony among friends gives various perspectives but they all boil down to one simple question: how do we navigate conversations around money respectfully while still maintaining equity?

At times I've considered bringing it up casually next time there's a group hangout scheduled. Maybe something like 'hey guys let's try Dutch-treat tonight' or whatever might sound friendly enough not imposing at all; Guess I'm looking for advice from others who have been through similar predicaments.

I'm so tired of everyone acting like having no friends is no big deal. Let me tell you, it freaking sucks. It's not like I'm some kind of recluse who avoids people on purpose. I try to put myself out there but it's like there's some invisible barrier keeping me from making real connections. It's like everyone else got the memo on how to socialize and I'm just left winging it without a damn clue; I mean, how does anyone survive without a solid group of pals to hang with? People always say things like 'just join a club' or 'get out more.' But it's not that simple! I've tried joining groups, taking classes, even going to community events but half the time I end up feeling more isolated than before. And don't get me started on small talk at work, which feels like pulling teeth every damn time.

You know what's messed up? The way society constantly shoves this crap down our throats about being liked and having tons of friends on social media. Nobody talks about what it's like to manage when you're completely alone most of the time. Social gatherings feel like some twisted form of punishment instead of fun opportunities because I'm stuck comparing myself to people who seem to have effortless bonds with others. At this point, I'd probably cut someone if it meant having one genuine friend who isn't flaky or only around during their convenience.

So yeah, here's my rant for today: screw all those stupid motivational posts that say stuff like 'you are your own best friend!' or 'you don't need anybody else!' That's total BS when reality hits you in the face every night with no one asking how your day went or giving a damn about your existence. Maybe it's just me but having no friends is massively freaking lonely and exhausting 😒.

talking about what makes a good friend isn't as easy as just ticking off a checklist. different people have different expectations and values, so opinions on this topic can vary wildly. perhaps one person's definition of loyalty is not the same as another's, or someone might prioritize honesty over anything else. it's fascinating to consider what each individual perceives as vital traits in friends. there are numerous characteristics such individuals look for, and oftentimes these criteria may shift with circumstances or age.

i often find myself pondering: what exactly constitutes a 'good' friend? some say a good friend should always be there when needed, while others argue that it's all about being supportive during both victories and pitfalls. then there's trustworthiness: without it, relationships crumble more easily than expected, no matter how seemingly strong they appear from the outside. i tend to believe some level of understanding must accompany any real friendship; that unspoken bond enabling you to know when words aren't even necessary. maybe what counts is truly subjective shaping itself around life's many complexities.

what about your friends??

Friend A and B went to Disneyland tgt tdy, so I asked friend B how their trip was

The whole convo:

Me: [ responds to her Instagram story where she took a picture of her shoes with friend A ]

FEET

B: lol

Me:😛😛😛

😏😏😏

How was Disney btwwwww

B: mad rn

What could I have possibly done wrong…? How do I make it up to her? Did I even do anything wrong?

I hate that I feel always so left out by my friends. Sometimes we get along and it’s fun but i feel like no one invites me anywhere and I try so so hard to include other people when they look excluded but no one ever does the same for me. I feel like I’m so boring that no one cares about me at all outside of school. I hate being the second choice and I hate myself.

[So for context I live in Italy, and here we rent home for university student, and I live with three other girls ( for extra privacy we'll call them A, B and C)

The problem is that since we met, A has had some attitudes that I would say are not good. For context, if she is sad or angry it is noticeable, she makes it evident, and she often has main character syndrome behaviors, A is usually a very lively and clingy person so when she is sad or angry you notice it because she is silent and snorts frequently. Over time, I've started to have a different attitude in situations where she acts like this (before, she was often asked what was wrong, if everything was okay), that is, I stay silent, ignoring her obvious sadness; the problem with the whole situation is that neither B nor C can tolerate her when she acts like this anymore, but B continues to ask her why she's sad knowing that she'll give her unwanted vents, which often turn out to be quite heavy to hear, talking to B about the situation I found myself in a moment of discussion about it, because she "complains" that A is always like this but at the same time she continues to ask A why she is sad, It seems so stupid to me, and at the end of the discussion I got "angry" saying that it was wrong to keep asking her what went wrong, because that way A would never learn to regulate her emotions (for context: A has a background in which she had angry issues even for the smallest things, and furthermore, being an only child, no one ever said no to her, so let's say that her emotions don't know how to regulate them very well) (other context: these situations happen like 2/3 times a week and before you can think of anything you need to know that she regularly feels "bad" about situations where normal people would continue their day as if nothing had happened)

B she agreed with me, even if it seemed forced, at this point my guilt almost ate me up, and I started to think that maybe I could actually be the bad guy in the whole situation

been talking to someone for a couple months we both expressed we like each other but agreed to not date for the time being bc of outside things which isn’t the main issue just to give some context. We both like this artist and they suggested we meet up before or after said artists concert since one of the venues is near both of us. I really want to go but i’m also very hesitant I have ptsd and anxiety from stuff when i was younger/teenager and it heavily contributes to social situations and I’m not the best talker I tend to shut down and just listen to people unless I find something(if anything) to say. I also don’t want to embarrass them bc they’re bringing their friends along. Idk I need some help.

I'm a teen and I've been friend with this guys for around 3 or 4 years. He has autism spectrum and struggles with friendships and relationships. When I first met him he was really in a bad mental situation, he wanted to die and kept SH himself. In that period that I think lasted around a year or two he always texted me and I was there to help and in the end I managed to make him stop. He got better until one day a friend of ours decided to spread humors he was manipulative and a bunch of other lies, that was I think around a year ago. I was always there to help him but for some months now he started smoking every day and drinking (he's still a minor), he also started SH a bit again, not as bad as before but it's still something I'd rather he not do.

I keep trying to help me but it's always this loop of me asking him to try to stop, him promising but restarting immediately after.

Today he fought with another friend and he immediately texted me. They fought because he's intense as a person, such as physical touch and he's really blunt and brutally honest. I told him to apologize to her and to actually try to 'fix' that side of him with her because nobody shows 100% of their personality. He keeps being defensive and acting like what I'm saying to him is something impossible for him.

In the end I told him that I'm not his psychologist and that I can't do more if he doesn't even try.

I admit my answer was maybe harsh but really I was getting irritated and annoyed at him and I really held myself back from swearing at him.

For context: he has a very good family that supports him and he also has a psychologist.

Sometimes I feel like the annoying, dumb, designated ugly fat friend, when compared to my friends who are thin, pretty/handsome, smart. In addition I did try telling them both about how I felt with them, but it didn't feel like they cared much. But it could be just me over thinking. The worst part was whenever one had a sort of phase where she kept saying she looked fat while eating or just infront of me, I tried somewhat talking to her about it, but as I said before it felt like they (or she in this situation) couldn't care less, which in hindsight took a great toll on my mental health, so currently I just feel like a pig with lipstick everytime I try to make myself look prettier or something like that, i feel annoying when trying to talk about my feelings to them , because the most common response i would get from them both is 'no it's not like that' or whatever. However, all of this could just be me over thinking...