Couple Stories

I'm a 29-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 30. We've been in a relationship for four years, and I have two children from a previous relationship that he hasn't adopted. Recently, his good friend invited us along to a couples' retreat that was to last four days. The event promised to include couple’s massages, romantic dinners, and more. We were all set to leave today. Once he told me about it, I immediately began searching for a babysitter for my kids.

Despite my efforts, securing a babysitter proved impossible. Their biological father rarely takes them, and their grandmother prefers to showcase them on social media rather than genuinely spend quality time with them. Normally, my boyfriend would ask his mother or sister-in-law for help since they’re close by, but he didn't make any moves to do so this time. In a last-ditch attempt, I contacted them myself yesterday, but they were unavailable. I assumed since I couldn’t make it, he would also choose to stay behind.

However, to my surprise, I woke up at 5 am today to find him packing his bags. Confused, I inquired about his actions. He matter-of-factly replied, "Uh, packing? I need to leave by 7 am to meet George." I questioned why he was still planning to go on a couples retreat without his partner, and I pointed out that his lack of effort in finding a babysitter suggested he might not have wanted me to attend in the first place. His response was curt: “If you wanted to go, you should have found a sitter. I don’t have time for this.”

Upset, I watched him leave after he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. About 15 minutes later, I received a text from him showcasing his luxurious suite decorated with flower petals, champagne, and even a heart-shaped bed. I responded with a simple, "Have a good time." He interpreted my message as hostile and replied accusing me of being clipped and unfairly blaming him for not finding a sitter. When I mentioned that a little assistance with the babysitting would have been appreciated, he called me an asshole and overdramatic.

In a hypothetical situation where these events unfolded on a reality TV show, the dynamics could potentially flare into an explosive situation. The cameras would magnify every emotional response, turning our private disagreement into a public spectacle. Viewers would likely be split; some may empathize with my plight while others might side with my boyfriend, arguing about responsibilities and commitments in blended families. The tension and drama would make for compelling television, but at the cost of personal pain aired for entertainment.

If you were me, dealing with this kind of partner response, what would your feelings be about this whole situation?

My partner (17M) and I (17F) began our relationship four months ago and initially, everything seemed perfect. However, recently, I’ve been questioning our dynamic.

He was initially so enthusiastic to spend time with me. Now, whenever I propose catching a meal together, he declines, stating his mom has restricted him from going out. While I understand, it frustrates me when he's out with his pals the very next day enjoying a movie. This pattern has occurred a couple of times. He even became upset when I lightly mentioned his frequent outings without me, and I ended up apologizing.

My birthday is around the corner, and I dread spending it alone as it often brings a wave of loneliness. For his birthday, I went the extra mile which moved him to tears. When I hinted at discussing my birthday plans, he abruptly said I shouldn't involve him because he’s had poor experiences with his own birthdays. I apologized once again for coming off as passive-aggressive, which wasn’t my intent.

I’m beginning to feel like my needs for emotional support aren’t being met. As a student of psychology, it stung when I was ridiculed for expressing how much I value my field of study, eventually apologizing for making it an issue. Moreover, I’ve had disturbing experiences with unwanted physical advances in the past, which makes physical intimacy a sensitive matter for me. Despite this, he pressured me into physical actions I wasn't comfortable with, which I eventually gave in to out of exhaustion.

He continues to ask for suggestive photos even though I’ve expressed my discomfort. I relented a few times but reinforced my boundaries. Regrettably, he doesn’t seem to honor this anymore, though I've stopped sending any pictures now.

Whenever I try to address these issues, it ends up in arguments with him painting me as the antagonist. A recent dispute over this threatened to end our relationship, and once again, I found myself apologizing excessively.

Just imagine if this behavior was showcased in a reality show, the public scrutiny and potentially explosive reactions on social media could be immense! Viewers often have strong opinions about relationship dynamics displayed on reality TV, and this situation might evoke a lot of sympathy for me while potentially generating negative feedback toward him.

What do you think?

We had been seeing each other for a year, and everything felt like we were a couple. He told me he loved me, and I felt the same. We spent every weekend together and even planned our first trip.

Last weekend, he was in bed, and I made him pancakes because his birthday was on Tuesday. He was thrilled and joked that I was spoiling him. I said I wanted to spoil my man. He responded, "I’m not your man," with a smile on his face. I thought he was kidding and replied, "Yeah, I know you’re not my man." But then he got serious and said, "No, really, I’m not your boyfriend." I felt sick but tried to stay calm. I asked what we were, and he said, "I don’t know. Really great friends with benefits?" I didn’t say anything, and he ate his pancakes in silence. Later, he asked if we were doing anything, and I said I was planning to clean and do paperwork. He left after an hour. I ran to the bathroom, threw up, and cried for two hours. I couldn’t keep anything down the rest of the day. He texted that evening, thanking me for breakfast in bed and saying I was “amazing,” but I didn’t reply, so he called a few times. I didn’t answer. Around 10 PM, he showed up at my door. I pretended to be sick with the flu and was going to bed. He offered to stay the night, but I said no.

I ignored him on Sunday and Monday and didn’t wish him a happy birthday on Tuesday. I kept my texts short, pretending to be sick. He never brought up what he said. Yesterday, he wrote that he missed me and hadn’t gone this long without talking to me since we met and that he was going mad. He asked if we could have dinner. I said I was very busy. He asked if I missed him, and I said I was tired because I was out all night with a guy and wanted to relax alone. He stopped replying. He showed up 15 minutes later, asking if I was lying. I wasn’t. I told him we weren’t a couple, so I was free to do whatever. He said I broke his heart and cheated on him and called me an asshole. I waited for him to leave before crying again.

He’s right; we never had the “talk.” I just assumed we were together because I loved him and thought he felt the same. But if we aren’t together, why was he upset that I slept with someone else? Was I the asshole? Was it cheating?

Imagine if this played out on a reality show. How would people react? Would they think he’s the bad guy for leading me on, or would they see me as the one in the wrong? How do you think the audience would respond?

My girlfriend grew up in a deeply religious family, but around two years ago, she began having doubts. It's not that she despises the religion; she just felt it wasn’t right for her. We met a year and a half ago, and have been together for a year now. When we first met, she was still unsure, but about five months ago, she confirmed she was agnostic. She hadn’t told her parents because she wanted to be absolutely certain.

Earlier this week, we were out and bumped into her mom. She approached us and started a conversation, asking who I was since we hadn’t met before. My girlfriend hesitated, so I stepped in and introduced myself as her boyfriend and mentioned that she was no longer following their religion. Both my girlfriend and her mom were taken aback. My girlfriend asked why I revealed that information. I told her that since she had decided long ago that she wasn’t Muslim anymore and we’d been together for so long, there was no need to keep it a secret any longer.

My girlfriend and her mom walked away to talk. Her mom was shocked but said she’d come to terms with it and was just glad that my girlfriend was happy. I thought it all went well.

However, later my girlfriend messaged me saying I overstepped and it wasn’t my place to share that information. She planned to tell her parents in private when she felt ready. I argued that things turned out okay. She called me an asshole and said I betrayed her trust. Her siblings and friends, who already knew, also messaged me, accusing me of not knowing when to keep quiet.

So, even though things seemed to turn out fine... Did I mess up?

I sometimes wonder how people would react if this happened on a reality show. Would they see me as the villain for speaking up or think it was justifiable given the situation? The drama would definitely be intense.