Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 25

For starters, hubby and I come from different backgrounds/cultures.

We had another baby about six months ago. After a few weeks, my in-laws came (from out of town; ~500miles away) to help out. They were great with the other kids: did school drop off and pick ups, went to the playground, read them books, etc. Since it wasn’t my first, I recovered better and felt pretty good. We discussed cooking schedules and I offered a few meals here and there. The visit was a success and they went home.

They decided to come back two months later since the kids had school events they wanted to see plus they could keep helping. No biggie. We welcomed them with open arms. It should be said that they brought their RV and stayed in that during their stays. We have enough space on our property and it’s not in the way by any means.

This visit was rougher. I will admit, communication was not as explicit as their first visit.

They weren’t taking the kids to school! I got everyone ready the first morning and even said “Ok, you guys are ready for school! Have a fun day!” In-laws were sitting in the living room reading books to the younger kids. I know they would have heard me. The last visit, Gpa would be waiting with keys in hand while I finished brushing hair and then walk everyone out. Not this time. He just sat there watching the little kids. I started doing the dishes bc I figured they would leave soon. After about five minutes, I realised “they aren’t going to take them, are they? I will have to take them.” I stopped washing the dishes and called out “ok time to go. In the van everyone.” Sure enough, gpa and gma were like “bye kids. Have a great day. See you this afternoon.” Since I hadn’t expected to leave, the baby was still asleep and I asked if they could just keep an ear out for the baby. They said, ”Actually, we’re going out for a coffee.” So, no. After wrangling all the kids into the van, I had to come back for the baby and put them in the van. Needless to say, the school kids were late. I had to get everyone out of the van, strap in baby, wrangle toddlers and guide the older two to the office then their classroom then back to van. I returned home. After about ten minutes, I get a text my MIL “We’re at [this cafe]. Join us after drop off.” That sounded lovely and nice but I was already home and baby back in the crib. I turned it down with a frown.

Fast forward. I’m doing all the dropping off and picking up with ALL my kiddos! But tell you what, we weren’t tardy anymore! 😩I’m having to cook every other day. Well, the cooking wasn’t terrible but the time when I had to start cooking was stressful bc they “eat by a certain time. Can’t sleep otherwise.” This visit was more of a vacation for them and more work for us this time around. I think they spent like 30 minutes reading books and playing with the kids and then it was “going for a coffee” or “going to lunch” or “we’re tired. Going to rest see you at dinner”. Every day. I won’t go into their comments. Not derogatory, just like “oh this is so nice and relaxing“ and I’m over here on my last thread!!!

Second trip was zero helping! They watched the kids for a short bit and we wouldn’t see them until after school and then dinner. The kids were always asking where Gpa and Gma were. I just had to say they went to their RV to sleep. We’ll see then at dinner. Poor kids just wanted their fun grandparents.

Thinking back. That trip was frustrating bc the kids wanted to see them and spend time with them and they wouldn’t stay in the house long enough. I know they are “old” and have the prerogative to rest. So why plan a trip you can’t handle? Stay home and rest. Don’t come and get the grandkids all riled up and not spend time with them. That’s what upset me. Do and say what you want to me but spend time with the grandkids!!

I’m turning 40 this year! Hubby said he would love to do something nice for me but doesn’t know how and asked for my help. I like to think he wants me to choose a venue and he can take it from there, maybe? Or how much help does he need? How much of this will I be planning? I would like it to be from him; idc if it’s a surprise party or not. We have a good relationship but I wonder how much he really knows me. I told him to ask my girlfriends for help. But we do have this relationship rule where we don’t text or talk to people of the opposite sex alone without the other CCd or around in person. Fair enough. So how can I encourage him to do this on his own? For the big 4-0, I don’t want to have to be involved unless asked “which flavor cake would you like?” Lol

For his 40th, I asked my party planning friends for help. I’m not super creative but they helped me narrow down some ideas and we pulled off a nice get-together with some friends and family. No biggie. We aren’t ones for huge Hollywood-style shindigs. I’m not asking for anything big. It just really bothered me he is asking ME for help to plan MY birthday. How can I respond to him without sounding like a spoiled brat?

Claiming someone else’s work isn’t just unfair—it’s deeply indoctrinated in our society as morally wrong. Whether it’s copyright infringement, theft, plagiarism, or cultural appropriation, taking credit for something that isn’t yours is something everyone has confronted. But why are parents excluded from the equation? Why do they violate the very first rule they teach into their children?

I owe a lot to my parents; not just for clothes, food, and education, but also the opportunities they’ve given me. There’s much to appreciate, and even more to give back. All my life, they’ve given me the resources I needed to thrive. A prominent example is school. I was privileged enough to be driven in bad weather, and to own a bike on sunny days. My desk was always fully stocked with calculators, notebooks, and computers, granting me access to a limitless world of knowledge. I owed them all my happiness, success, and achievements. Until now.

A single Google search on one unparticular afternoon shattered the illusion I had lived in for a decade. “Tiger Parenting”, coined by Amy Chua (an American author and law professor), prioritizes the academic performance of a child over anything else. As I scrolled down the article, puzzle pieces that seemed to fit teared themselves apart and rearranged themselves into a grotesque, rancid truth.

Suddenly, all the words and phrases and speeches my parents gave had a new meaning. I didn’t own my life. They did.

Here are a few examples:

School.

I’m high achiever at school. That’s something I can state confidently and without doubt. My short-term memory was close to photographic, and I could spell Erlenmeyer without having a stroke.

The grade was 73%. On that Tuesday, I had written a narrative essay and had an upcoming biology test (which I received 100% on). The quiz was on quadratics—something I could do in my sleep with one left hand. Yet when I received the results, the entire second page was bleeding with red ink.

My parents were outraged, to say the least. Mind you, this was the beginning of the second semester, and the second quiz we’ve had (the first being a review). Last semester, my average was an unweighted 98%. But my parents were having none of it. Bad day? Just an excuse. You are unworthy of college, and don’t even think about university. You’re going to end up homeless like those kids who vape at your school.

No joke. This is the direct translation from Chinese-English to full English. It didn’t matter what I said. The message was repeated for two hours. It discussed everything from carelessness to selfishness to lack of responsibility to lack of time management to stupidity to my future to other classmates. The purpose was clear: degrade me into never thinking about below a 95% ever again.

Robotics.

I participated in the FIRST Robotics Competition, an unforgettable experience that inspires students through competitive robotics, emphasizing teamwork, innovation, and real-world engineering skills. One of its most prestigious honors is the Dean’s List, awarded to ten individuals who demonstrate outstanding dedication to FIRST. I was nominated as a Dean’s List semi-finalist for my commitment and leadership within my team.

I earned this recognition on my own. My parents weren’t involved—I applied myself, wrote my own essays, and highlighted my own achievements. To advance to the finalist stage, I was required to complete an interview at an upcoming event about two months later.

Somehow, through a connection (probably another parent), my own folks heard about my nomination. And suddenly, it felt like they were the ones preparing for the interview. Every evening, I was pressured—forced to answer practice questions, take notes, and rehearse over and over again. Whenever I pushed back, things escalated.

"Write it, or you’re not going out with friends tomorrow."

"Prepare for it. Your grades aren’t enough, and this is something you need to succeed in life."

"You need to stand out from your classmates.”

"Why don’t you rehearse during your school lunch break? You don’t need the break anyways.”

It all had the same message: if you don’t prepare for this interview, you’re not worth anything to me or anyone else.

I hated the pressure. My reasoning was simple and clear: I found this opportunity myself, and I’m going to prepare for it myself. I’m not doing this interview for you—I’m doing it for me. So, I don’t need to prepare on your schedule or drop everything to do it.

And then came the counterarguments:

"If I hadn’t driven you to robotics every Saturday, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity in the first place."

"If I hadn’t paid for your lessons, you wouldn’t have had anything to write on your application."

“If I didn’t drive you to school every day, you wouldn’t have had good marks to brag about.”

Again, the message was the same: You owe me this, and you’re going to do it my way.

That’s not the end. At our first event, I was nominated as Safety Captain, responsible for promoting a safe working environment in the venue. I did not mention this to my parents. There was one award at stake—The Safety All-Star. It may have seemed small and insignificant, but the idea of having one thing that I could truly call my own, something I had earned through my own effort, was tantalizing.

Through my own hard work—hand-drawn safety signs, networking, and carefully prepared responses to interviews from the safety managers—the moment when my name was announced was nothing short of unbelievable. My cheeks ached from the grin that stretched across my face, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled so widely, so genuinely. At last, I had earned something all on my own.

But a few days later, as we drove home, that sense of accomplishment quickly deflated. Through another parent, my mom had heard about the award and, once again, tried to take the significance from me.

“If I hadn’t driven you to those lifeguarding lessons, you wouldn’t have been able to demonstrate those skills and win.”

“Without me signing the consent form, you wouldn’t have gone in the first place.”

“It’s only because I paid for your art classes that you could’ve made those signs so well.”

Again, the same message: You’re only worth who you are because of me.

Conclusion.

So, this is my haunting question. If everything I accomplish—achieve, contribute, design, make, write, or win—belongs to my parents and was only possible through them, what is my own life worth? If I don’t own anything, even my own life, then who am I?

This is not the first existential crisis I’ve had, yet every time I’m able to answer what the meaning of my life is: I’m going to make an impact on this world, whether I like it or not, so I’m going to make it better than it was a minute ago.

But this time was different.

What are you supposed to do when your own meaning of life is stripped away from you, by the ones who supposedly love you the most?

My husband cheated with his ex wife before we got married. I found out about a month before the wedding. I went ahead with the marriage because I was blindly in love. They have to talk all the time because they have a young child. I'm ok most of the time but when I have to be around his ex at sports, birthday parties, ect. It weighs on my mind. I start to scrutinize their every interaction.Last week, I was at their daughter's ball game and when she got a runner out, he looked toward his ex to share that moment with her. I've decided to quit going to going to games and this has made him mad. I also compare myself to her. She's taller, thinner, and younger. They have a friendly relationship and it eats me up. He says it's just for their daughters sake. His daughter is 8 and still sucks her thumb. We argue about this too. I want her to stop but it g do odd t bother him. I said it was embarrassing to be with her in public. He says I have mental problems and I'm being immature. What are your thoughts and or suggestions.

So here it goes...I am in college right now and we make friends in the first semester and hope to remain as friends throughout college life. But here is the twist, my friend told that I am not "fun" enough for as in comparison to a guy and her relative who was also a friend of mine felt the same and both of them completely stopped talking to me. I asked why did they do so and they cited this reason. Now I have no friends in college because I am such an introvert. I feel like a failure at this point. I felt so hurt but I can't just think about them. I have my whole life to be sorted...finish college, get a nice job and make my parents proud. I also give auditions to sing an I did not get selected for that either. I have just lost hope in my life now. I just wanted to vent this out and remove this negative feelings out of my body once and for all.

I see my very best friend as my soulmate but a couple days ago she started to talk to this guy online. I feel like I'm being put second to him, in no way am i jealous of their relationship I'm happy she has someone she likes romantically. its only been a 2 days that i feel she's stopped talking or answering my messages. she's my only real friend and I'm scared we are gonna drift apart. We have been friends since we were 9th grade and we are both 20 now, I'm just scared. Am i overreacting and i do plan on saying something if it continues. I'm very scared.

Okk so I believe I found ways of making money online remotely BUT BRO THEY EITHER REQUIRE THAT IF UR A MINOR U NEED PARENTS EMAIL AND CONSENT LIKE BROOOO WHYYYY (for any one wondering I clearly don’t want my parents to take my money 😭🙏) okkk soo like my main question how can I do this w/o parents can I open a fake email? In replacement of them?? ChatGPT said that’s illegal 💔 BUT THIS COULD BE A BIG OPPORTUNITY (well hopefully) or does any one have an other way I can make money online w/o parents? Or a method to just really pretend I’m over 18+

I understand why it’s happening, at least somewhat, but I wish other countries would stop blaming all Americans for the actions of Trump. Stop lumping us all in with MAGA and telling us we’re all culpable for them and Trump's cronies.

The children, especially queer children, who couldn’t vote at all are culpable? The lgbtqia2p, disabled and other groups with targets on our backs who kept BEGGING people to vote Kamala are all culpable? Intersex and trans people like myself, attempting to all be wiped out and also tried to warn we were/are the first domino to fall, are culpable? The Indigenous peoples (again like myself) trying to be told we aren’t citizens who may be put in camps are culpable? Etc?

I’ve been trying to get out of here for years, but I was trapped with abusive “family” who pretty much pulled a Disney’s Tangled on me, until 22 or so. I was just getting my life back on track, trying to undo some of the damage from medical neglect/malpractice and get my mental health in order to study abroad, that’s all gone. I won't drone on about that again, I already have two or three posts doing so.

I have no one in my corner in my “home” and now no safer country will likely ever let me flee there. Day by day, the family I'm trapped with, keeps pushing me and my feelings aside. I've been in near constant crisis, yet I'm told I have to think of my cishet mother and brother, their wants and needs. While I am trying to crawl out of the hole I'm trapped in and have been trying to beg for help getting out of, on my own when I really can't for many reasons, I am treated as an evil and selfish bitch for not having "compassion" for people telling me I don't matter and I'm "overreacting." Being "lazy." My brother has also begun copying me in a way that just... Unsettles me. I won't go into too much detail on that, but as a brief summary, he's treated me like garbage all my life for being disabled and queer. Or, just the barest hint of being queer I should say, as spiritual abuse at the hands of family and the like made me hide that DEEP. But, then he began to say I was lucky a few years ago, because I can't work I am privileged. Example one of many. I didn't catch it until I began to notice him copying my stims and things I say about my experiences trying to beg for understanding, but I realized he'd been quizzing me my whole life about my trauma disorders and disablilities. He also tried to gaslight me, tell me things he did to me happened in reverse, I did it to him which is a blatant fucking lie. I'm apparently "mean" for not wanting to forgive or enable him (he's trying to get disability when he's not disabled and blatantly copying me to the point his psych even called it out). He has been watching me closely as I've been so upset, too, and started parroting things I've said. Mimicking the way I CRY (I wish I was exaggerating) and I have some serious concern but no one is listening to me. No one.

No one is listening to me about anything, not about this, not about anything I've been writing here. I’m “not valuable” due to being stunted from abuse, being disabled and chronically ill, lumped in with fascist MAGA despite being number one on their hit list. My family is putting people who abuse me first, my brother like I said, my aunt who tried to exorcise me when I was little. And, you may ask, why don't I just leave? HOW WHEN I WAS DELIBERATELY KEPT FROM KNOWING HOW TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING, AM POOR AND AM DISABLED (made more so by my father not allowing me to see the doctor among other things when I was still stuck with him... The fact mom rescued me from him makes me feel like shit for being so angry at her which is another can of worms)!? And now, my State Removed my protections as a trans and intersex person from the Civil Rights Act.

I. Am. Trapped. And. No. One. Cares.

Apparently, I'm culpable for my own prison, my own abuse. The terrible things happening all over, I am culpable for, despite being a victim of it all myself. For the targets on my back and others, I'm responsible, when I tried to stop it and make others care enough to help stop it. It just hurts, it’s just scary, and I needed it out somewhere. I never even got to live in the first place and now I’m stuck here like this… I'm sorry I keep ranting here about all the same things, but it's anonymous and I have nowhere else to go to. I have nowhere to go online or in real life and it just makes me want to give up all together.

The fact my story, my pain, all sounds so stupid for someone my age to be writing as well just... I swear I had a plan once upon a time, I was supposed to be something, someone different than this.

I've been in a relationship for several years now.

At the start, everything felt loving, and the honeymoon phase was wonderful. My partner was always very vocal about how much they cared for me, and each day I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what we would do next. Trips to the park, to the movies. Anywhere was a delight, as long as they were with me.

Still, we both had our flaws. Mine, I felt, were detrimental to the relationship.

I decided to seek therapy to work on myself.

Recently, both of us have been going through difficult patches in our lives. Although I tried not to burden them, I eventually allowed myself to lean on them for support. They lashed out in response. I didn’t know what was going on in their life because they hadn’t shared it with me. Once they told me they were hurting, I realized their harsh words came from a place of pain. While it wasn’t okay for them to take it out on me, I understood that something in their life must be very wrong for them to react that way.

I wanted to sit down with them and have an open conversation about it, but it’s been difficult. Every day, my partner curses at me, makes me feel like I need to progress faster in therapy, and shuts down the conversation before I get a chance to speak. They still refuse to admit they've done anything hurtful, let alone wrong. I want to be here for them, but I don't know if I can keep being their emotional punching bag. I’ve been waking up in tears every day, and now I’m genuinely scared to be around them.

I keep hoping that today will be the day they hear the sharpness in their words while they speak, take a step back, and apologize for how they've been treating me. But it hasn't happened yet.

OKKK so like I would appreciate if I got into a good post-secondary school(I’m not looking like ivys, Harvard, Stanley etc) so like what are some stuff I can do now? Like the reason I’m even thinking of these is because like my parents say I have to do sports so I can get a scholarship to yk , and like I HATE SPORTS any sort of. But I lwk care about my future so what are some stuff I can do that can get me into a good PSS like I get I may not get a scholarship if I don’t do sports but atleast something that would look good on my application. Ok so personally I’m into any creative stuff (drawing etc) but i will be open to anything EXCEPT sports.

(I'm not fluent in english so plz excuse my grammar.)

So..I have this friend who's so sociable—anxiety fears her. Let's just call her "A". We are in the same circle since grade 10. Our other friends are "C" and "D"

We both transferred to a private school when we got into senior high school. We did not get the same section. I got a new friend here in my current section and so does she. I only have 1 friend here due to my shyness or what so ever. We were so close and it feels like we're sisters. Let's call her "B"

Second quarter started, I let A meet B. They are not that close because B is more shy than me, but she's good at communicating. "A" changed when she got new friends in her section too. She lies whenever we ask her to go with us just so she can hang out with her new friends. She tells us that her mom did not give her permission to go out with us. Then we see her story with her other friend eating together.

So here's when I started noticing something to my other friends. Sometimes "B" and "C" refuse it when I ask them to go with me because I have to buy something or I want to spend some time with them. But sometimes, when I ask them if they could go with me, they always ask me if "A" would come too. They would say "Yes" when I tell them that "A" would come too. I'm so jealous. They won't spend time with me if "A" doesn't want to go.

This is a recent one. So, there's this one university I really wanted to go to. I told my friends that I wanted to go there before, I think in February. They said they wanted to go too. And now that we are allowed to go apply into that one university, they say that they don't want it now. I expected them to go with me. And then there's "C" I asked her if she would come, but all she said was "Is 'A' going too?" I asked her, "What if she will go too?" and she didn't respond.

I'm so jealous of that one friend, but I love her, I can't hate her.

I opened up to A. I told her that "B" is not who she is today—she's cold with me today, kept ignoring me, and was so quiet school. I even sent A my conversation with B. and all A said was "Ahh..so you're going out with her tomorrow?" in a jealous tone. I did not answer her because I know she knows that B and I would go film our project tomorrow. I focused on "B" not being her self today. I told her "I don't know what's happening to B." After that, "A" just sent a big big like (👍) and starting to ignore my messages.

They know I'm that "One" friend who always laughs and makes jokes. So when A get very sweet with B, C, and D, I ask her "what about me?" but she just rolls her eyes as a joke to me then say "Heh, who you?" or in our language "Heh, sino kaba?" It hurts me but I can't show any emotions like sadness because I don't want to be alone. Whenever she says that, I just say "I'm just 'my name'" then laugh. I always joke because I don't want them to know what's inside my mind. I feel left out sometimes too because B, C, and D always opens up on "A" and not me. I started to think that maybe it's because I don't know how to comfort a person? is it because I always joke around? I make my problems as a joke so they won't think it's real. Sometimes I say "Tawanan mo ang iyong problema" or "Laugh at your problems." I got this line on a song. I forgot the lyrics. I find it funny so I started to use it whenever I feel stressed out. They laugh with me too. I opened up to them that I can't express my feelings that much, that I can't comfort someone or I find it hard whenever someone opens up to me. I actually feel happy and sad whenever someone opens up to me because I think they trust me when they opens up to me and i feel sad because nga I can't help them.

I think they think that every words I say is a joke haha. I hate being me.

I and my friend have their own angst yes, but I've always felt so invalidated towards my feelings, I keep comparing our situations.

Like, one time I and my mom got into a fight which ended up with me crying in my room, but then my friend chats me about something negative that happened.

It's more of my fault of why I feel invalidated, I keep saying "my situation isn't that bad, look at them" hahah

So I'm continuing a rant I made on here I accidentally posted unfinished (here it is, btw)

So basically, I'm in online class due to having this heart problem that's called VSD (ventricular septal defect), and it makes me lose my breath easily, and I get palpitations every time I run. So there's no hope of actually going to face-to-face schools due to walking long hallways and going up stairs. And there's barely anyone in my online class that I can be friends with. It makes me feel a little lonely, and I'm an introvert. But just because of the sole reason of wanting to be alone, I don't want to be lonely, y'know? And because my class starts from 8am to 4pm, I have to stay home for 8 hours, which makes me feel a little isolated inside my house. And when I go out, I can barely even have fun anymore since I always lose my breath so easily. I can't even swim in cold pools and beaches since I get cold so easily. At family gatherings, I can barely even hang out with my cousins since they go out every night. I can't, though. It's basically because I get cold so easily and I can quickly get sick and have a runny nose. I barely even have any friends to talk to; last time I went to school when my disability wasn't a challenge, I had tons of friends. But now, I've only had one friend from my old school that still keeps in touch with me. And she has regular class, so I can't really chat with her every day. Plus, I barely know anyone that shares the same interests as me. Sometimes during online classes, I use my phone during lessons. And technically, every now and then I use my phone to cope with the fact I barely have any friends to talk to and have fun with because I find it fun to use my phone since it's not reality; it's the opposite. It's getting out of reality.

Now getting to my main point, I feel so lonely. Like even an online class is isolation at this point. It's the reason I'm an introvert. At this point, I was made to be an introvert. I'm always alone; I barely talk to anyone anymore; I barely talk to my only friend because I have no enthusiasm to hold a conversation these days... I feel like something's wrong with me. I feel so bad for ignoring her. But I can't find any joy in continuing to talk to her. I don't know what to do. She's so kind too. She's my best friend. She doesn't even know my disability. I keep it a secret since I feel like she'll judge. But I know she won't. I just don't know why I continue to not tell her. I feel so bad. And I feel like my online class is the reason. I feel so isolated, I can barely have fun anymore. I can't even hang out with people my age in my neighborhood due to my disability. So I just stick to cellular devices. I hate online classes. I skip. And now I regret it. I've already been scolded for doing so. But I still keep doing it. It's causing my academics and grades to crumble. I do bad at school now, even before I skipped online classes. I always used to be a 90+ in my old school. Now I'm an 80-91 student. I hate everything about online classes. The school, my teachers, the isolation I feel, the loneliness, my grades—I feel so insecure. And the only reason I accepted going to this school and taking online classes was because I had no choice. My other school's tuition was something my parent's could barely afford. And the online class thing, it's because of my disease. I turn to God and worship him so I wouldn't get in trouble. I would pray I didn't. Plus, just now, I had a grade of 76, and my mom is asking the teacher's if I'm doing something wrong. I am; I'm still skipping. And I feel like I'll get in trouble today. Plus, I have exams next week. Am I just overdramatic because I'm young? I'm not even a teenager yet, nor older than 12. Am I just overreacting? I actually need help on this topic. I'm too scared to even vent to my mom since I keep every emotion bottled up. I want to cry every day. I feel so bad. I feel so guilty for skipping school now.

So basically, I'm in online class due to having this heart problem that's called VSD (ventricular septal defect), and it makes me lose my breath easily, and I get palpitations every time I run. So there's no hope of actually going to face-to-face schools due to walking long hallways and going up stairs. And there's barely anyone in my online class that I can be friends with. It makes me feel a little lonely, and I'm an introvert. But just because of the sole reason of wanting to be alone, I don't want to be lonely, y'know? And because my class starts from 8am to 4pm, I have to stay home for 8 hours, which makes me feel a little isolated inside my house. And when I go out, I can barely even have fun anymore since I always lose my breath so easily. I can't even swim in cold pools and beaches since I get cold so easily. At family gatherings, I can barely even hang out with my cousins since they go out every night. I can't, though. It's basically because I get cold so easily and I can quickly get sick and have a runny nose. I barely even have any friends to talk to; last time I went to school when my disability wasn't a challenge, I had tons of friends. But now, I've only had one friend from my old school that still keeps in touch with me. And she has regular class, so I can't really chat with her every day. Plus, I barely know anyone that shares the same interests as me. Sometimes during online classes, I use my phone during lessons. And technically, every now and then I use my phone to cope with the fact I barely have any friends to talk to and have fun with because I find it fun to use my phone since it's not reality; it's the opposite. It's getting out of reality.

For a month now, I have felt many negative emotions (more than usual) and have been extremely demotivated in my life.

I think my boyfriend is also unhappy because of my current state and I feel guilty. Right now I am so weak mentally, it's hard to change. I am trying but the efforts are so big and the results so tiny.

I wish I could see a therapist but i can't afford to see one at the moment.

I feel so helpless.

Any tips on how to shift mindset? or how to be more gentle with myself? idk i just wanna change, i hate myself