Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 48

idk it's like i'm just blank

I never thought I’d be in this position. You raise your kids, you give them everything you’ve got—your time, your money, your love—and you think one day it’ll all make sense. That maybe they’ll appreciate it, or at the very least, respect you as they get older. But now, at 56 years old, I find myself constantly walking on eggshells around my own children, who are in their 20s and early 30s. They speak to me in ways I wouldn’t have dreamed of speaking to my parents. The tone, the eye-rolls, the sarcasm—it stings more than I care to admit. I try to talk to them like adults, to find common ground, but everything turns into an argument or gets brushed off like I’m some outdated relic who doesn’t get it. They treat me like I’m clueless, like my opinion doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t expect them to agree with me on everything, of course, but there’s a basic level of decency I thought we’d built—and lately, I just don’t feel it.

It’s hard, because I still see the little kids in them. I remember teaching them how to ride a bike, watching movies together, helping with homework. I didn’t always get it right, I’ll admit that. I made mistakes, like any parent. I worked a lot, I was strict at times, I didn’t always know how to express emotions the way they wanted. But everything I did, I did out of love and a desire to see them succeed. And now that they’re grown, it’s like the script has flipped completely. They criticize the way they were raised, throw words like “toxic” and “trauma” around like darts. And it hurts. It hurts more than I can put into words. I don’t get the benefit of the doubt. I don’t get asked how I’m doing. I just get blamed for everything that went wrong, while all the good I tried to do gets forgotten. And the worst part is, I start to question myself. Was I really that bad of a father? Or are they just seeing me through a lens I’ll never be able to clean?

I’ve been trying to find ways to reconnect, to rebuild that mutual respect. But I’ll be honest, I don’t always know where to start. I’ve read the books, tried to open up more, asked for their thoughts even when it’s hard to hear. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes things worse. I try not to react when they get rude, but I’m still human. It’s difficult not to take it personal when your own child rolls their eyes at you or talks to you like you’re stupid. I want to be close to them, but not at the cost of being constantly disrespected. So if you’re asking how to deal with disrespectful adult children, I guess the best I can say is: stay patient, keep the door open, but don’t let yourself be walked on. Set boundaries, as hard as that is when you love them so much. And maybe one day they’ll understand that you weren’t trying to control them—you were just trying your best to love them in the only way you knew how.

i don’t even kno where to start, it’s just this feeling that’s been sittin heavy on me for a while now. like every room i walk into, every group chat i’m in, every lunch table, i just feel out of place. like no one actually wants me there. they tolerate me, maybe, but they don’t really like me. and i kno that sounds dramatic or whatever, but that’s how it feels. i’ll say something and everyone either ignores it or just moves on like i never spoke. then someone else says the same exact thing and they all laugh or agree. it’s like i’m invisible. i used to think i was just overthinking it, like maybe i was being too sensitive or reading into stuff, but it keeps happening over and over. my friends, if i can even call them that anymore, don’t really reach out. i’m always the one texting first, always the one making plans. if i don’t, no one checks in. nd when i do text, sometimes it takes hours or days to get a reply. but then i see them active online, postin stories, likin stuff, hangin out together without me. nd yeah it hurts. like really bad. makes me wonder what’s so wrong with me that i’m always the one left out. i try to be nice, to be fun, to be someone people wanna be around. but it never feels like enough. nd it’s not just friends either, it’s like in class too, or anywhere really. like when i talk people dont listen, like i just fade into the background.

sometimes i wonder if it’s just who i am. maybe i’m too quiet, or maybe too awkward or boring. maybe i say weird stuff without realizing it. maybe my face looks stuck-up or my laugh is annoying or i just give off some weird vibe people dont like. nd i kno it’s stupid to care so much, but how do you not care when it feels like no one sees you? not really. i’m tired of pretending like it dont bother me, like being alone all the time is fine, like scrolling through pics of people having fun without me doesn’t make me wanna cry. nd i hate how much power it has over me, how one ignored text or one missed invite can ruin my whole day. i wish i could just not care, just be happy with myself no matter what, but i don’t even kno who that is anymore. it’s like i’m always trying to be enough for people who don’t even notice i’m trying. and it sucks. it makes me feel like maybe i’m just meant to be the background character in everyone’s life. and no matter how hard i try to change it, that feeling just stays. always. so yeah, why do i feel like no one likes me? maybe cuz deep down, i don’t really like me either. and maybe that’s the real problem.

Heyah! I hope everyone is doing well.

I am recently going to move into my cousin's mansion in April, but I wanted to talk about ideal homes. Totally a long-winded subject. I know for many people(not all) they want to have a larger home. But for me(personally)... I think a home that's on the somewhat smaller side would be more of what I'd want.

I'd want to have a single-level home(NO STAIRS!!!). 2 bedrooms(master and guest). 3 bathrooms(master, guest, and powder). 1 Smaller kitchen(I'm not much of a cook). A small living room. Ideally no dining room. And having a smart use of storage would be nice. Since I own a lot of collections(Sea shells, crystals, books, etc). I don't care about clothing space... since I don't own a lot of clothes. I'm more of a nick-nack person, rather than a clothing person. I'd ideally like a washer and dryer in my home, as I grew up new a laundry mat and now would want the convenience of a washer and dryer of my own. Vinyl or any type of hard flooring would be nice... I am so forking done with carpet !!! I've had cats and dogs in my old home... and they k*lled my carpet!!!

I like East Asian mixed with modern art deco for the theme of my ideal home. I know for a fact that I wouldn't want a basement or an attic cause I don't like the psychological sh*t that goes on in horror movies... so, basements and attics are off-limits.

I think the main thing that would probably eat away at my budget if I ever did get my own home is the fact that I am completely afraid of the dark... like... I can't sleep at all if there is even a dark shadow in the corner. So, I'd keep my lights on 24/7 in the entire house. I also usually wake up to have water or a cold glass of milk in the middle of the night, and walking in the dark gives me a fright! So, lights on 24/7!!!

And if anything, I don't mind forgoing the guest bedroom and guest bathroom, cause small also means less to clean.

Anyway... I'm kinda sleepy since I took some pain medications due to my car accident... I'll write more stories later when I have more energy.

Eat good food and drink lots of water guys!!!

(Also... to clarify... I know that what I described isn't a "small house"... but it's significantly smaller than my cousin's mansion... which is why I'm saying it's small). When I lived in Cali... my ideal home was actually a studio apartment with lots of cool fold-in, fold-out stuff, and hidden storage stuff. But being on both poor and rich sides now... I think a middle ground would feel nice.

i swear im not tryin to be dramatic or like make it all about me or whatever but like lately i just feel so invisible around my own friends. like we all in this group chat, right? nd we always been close, since like 8th grade or somethin. but now its like they all hang out without me nd pretend like its no big deal. they post pics together, go to the mall, get food, even do sleepovers nd im just there scrollin my phone like… cool. guess my invite got lost again. nd what hurts the most is that they dont even say anything about it after. no "sorry we forgot to ask u" or "u should come next time!" just silence. nd when i bring it up all i get is “oh it wasn’t really planned” or “it just sorta happened” like girl be fr, stuff dont “just happen” when u got matching outfits in the pic.

maybe it’s me tho. maybe i’m too quiet or weird or not fun enough. i dont got the best clothes or the prettiest hair or the funniest jokes. i try to be there for them always, like i hype them up, i listen when they got problems, i show up to stuff when they do remember to include me. but somehow it always feels like i’m on the outside. like a guest in a group that i used to be part of. like they all moved on nd i’m still here tryna hold on to somethin that ain’t even real anymore. nd then i start thinkin like, was i ever really their friend?? or was i just there, like background noise, someone they talked to when it was convenient but never really mattered to them?

the worst is when i see them laughin all hard in videos together or taggin each other in inside jokes. nd i’m sittin there like… ok cool guess i wasnt there for that moment either. nd i kno its dumb to get upset over social media, but when that’s the only way u find out your friends are hangin without u, it kinda stings different. nd then when i try to act like it dont bother me, they act like nothin happened. like we still tight. but it don’t feel tight. it feels fake. it feels like i’m holdin onto old memories while they makin new ones without me in it.

i been tryna figure out if i did something wrong. did i say something? act weird? maybe i’m annoying and no one wanna say it. maybe i’m just not enough for them anymore. nd it messes with my head fr. makes me scared to reach out first cuz what if they’re just being polite when they reply? what if they hang out again nd just don’t say anything bc they dont wanna deal with me bein upset? i hate feelin like i’m too much and not enough at the same time. nd the thing is i love them. i really do. they were like sisters to me. but lately i dont even recognize our friendship.

it makes me wanna pull away, like maybe if i stop trying so hard they’ll notice. but what if they dont? what if i stop texting nd no one even checks on me? what if i disappear nd it dont even matter? that’s what scares me the most. not being missed. being so easy to replace that my absence feels like peace instead of pain to them. nd i know that sounds heavy but its how i feel. i used to laugh with them every single day, we shared secrets, cried together, planned our futures. now it’s just awkward convos nd quick replies. nd me, watching from the sidelines.

so yeah, i dont kno why i’m the friend that gets left out. maybe i’m just not the kind of person people wanna keep around. maybe i care too much, feel too deep, talk too soft. but it hurts. it hurts more than i can say. nd i wish someone would just tell me the truth instead of slowly pushing me away like i wouldn’t notice. bc i did. i noticed everything. every missed invite. every picture i wasn’t in. every laugh that didn’t include me. i saw it all. nd even if i smile and act like i’m okay, i’m not. i’m really not.

My friend is deliberately ignoring me for reasons I can't explain. I've just kind of shut off the world. My voice stopped working so I can't talk to him to let him know how I feel. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't do life anymore. I can't find any reason to stay alive anymore. Either I'm going to kms or run away. Probably the former.

Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something to upset you? Do you not like the pins I made you anymore? I mean, if you don't like them, you can give them back or throw them out, I won't mind. I only spent 30 minutes drawing and colouring and cutting out and laminating each one just for you. But I mean, if you don't like them, I'll take them back. I'll throw them out, because they weren't good enough for you. I honestly have your best interests in minds.

Or is it something else I did? Did I say something bad? Did I upset you? Please just let me know what I did. Let me try to fix myself. I'm obviously broken. So let me know the ways I'm broken, so I can fix myself! I want to be the friend you want me to be. Let me know how I can change. Tell me how to be what you want me to be. I'll gladly change for you! All I need to make those changes is for you to tell me what's wrong, what I can change about myself, how I can help.

I can tell it's not you who's the problem. You still talk with the others like there's nothing wrong. It's just me you ignore. So obviously, I'm the broken one. Just let me know how I can be fixed. Please?

so today I had a really late bus so I missed the beginning of the day and got to school closer to the end of homeroom. When we were transitioning to related arts, I noticed one of my friends acting weird. He was being almost antisocial. I caught up with him and asked him if he was ok, and he nodded. This was weird, because he's usually really talkative.

Later, when we were going to our second related arts (which me and him share), I was busy typing something on my Chromebook and didn't notice him standing in the middle of the hall waiting for someone or something, but he didn't try to get my attention or anything. So I just went to the band locker room and got my instrument, not giving it any thought. But as I was leaving the locker room with my instrument to go to the band room, he was laughing and chatting like normal with one of our other friends who's also in band with us. Once again, I didn't think much of it.

But after class, during transition, he wouldn't even look at me, but was laughing and chatting as usual with some of our other friends. I was busy fangirling over Kpop idols with the Kpop half of the friendgroup (our friendgroup has two halves: us Kpop fans, and what I call the Freaky Ones), so I didn't pay much attention, but now that I'm sitting in class thinking about it... he was acting really weird. Usually me and him talk a lot, but he hasn't said a word to me today.

I've had many arguments with him in the past, but we always forgive each other. But today, he seems upset with me for reasons I can't explain. I haven't even had an argument with him lately. I'm just so confused. Honestly I'd rather he just tell me what I did so I can fix it, rather than ignore me and let me try to guess what I did to upset him. Literally, he knows the best way to handle any problems he has with me because of a little incident at the beginning of the year that resulted in me bawling my eyes out in confusion, so he should know that being direct with me is the only way to fix things.

I'm really just so confused, can someone please help?

I used to cry in my room every night, wondering what I had done so wrong to deserve the way you treated me. Every word you spoke felt like a knife—sharp, cold, calculated to make me feel small. You'd tell me I was too sensitive, too lazy, too selfish, like there was something wrong with me just for existing. You made me believe I was unlovable, that nothing I did would ever be good enough. But now, standing here at 19, living on my own, waking up every day in a space that feels safe and mine… I can finally breathe. And you know what? I don’t think about you at all. Not like I used to. Not with that ache in my chest or the guilt that came from wanting distance. I’m free.

When I turned 18, I knew I had to go. It wasn’t even a question. The moment I had the right to leave, I was already packing my bags. I didn’t care that I had nowhere solid to land—I just knew I couldn’t stay in that house one more second. You tried to guilt me, tried to twist it around like I was abandoning you. But deep down, I think even you knew why I left. You spent years picking at me, controlling me, making every little mistake into something massive, just to keep me feeling like I needed you. But I didn’t. And once I stepped outside, once I got away from the constant tension, the criticism, the fake kindness that always came with a price—I started to realize how messed up it all was.

Now? I’m happy. Genuinely. I have friends who actually care about me, a small apartment that might not be much but it's mine, and a job that makes me feel proud—even if it’s not some big dream yet. I can eat what I want, sleep when I want, laugh out loud without being told I’m annoying or dramatic. For the first time, I feel like I have a future. And when people talk about their moms, about calling home, I just smile and nod. I don’t feel jealous. I don’t feel bitter. I just… don’t think about you. Not because I’m cold, but because you don’t get to live in my head rent-free anymore. You took enough of my peace growing up—I’m not giving you any more.

I don’t need an apology. I don’t even need closure. I built my own life out of the wreckage you left behind. And yeah, some days are hard, and healing isn’t linear, but I’m doing it. Without you. And that feels like the strongest thing I’ve ever done. So if you're wondering if I miss you, if I regret walking away, if I think about what you’re doing or if I’ll ever come back—the answer’s simple. I don’t think about you at all.

Let's call my boyfriend A, this girl B, and this boy C.

Hi I'm V. I have a boyfriend. My best friend is C, and his best friend is B. B and C are exes. So far so good?

Recently, I stopped being friends with C. He was my best friend, and my emotional supporter, someone I could vent to. He was a great listener to me. However, it wasn't the same with A and my other friends. He would treat them horribly. Because of all the shit he did, I cut him off. let's talk about B now. I used to be friends with her but we distanced. But A and B are still best friends. Same situation, they vent to each other.

But nowadays, they've been getting so close. He would often show up in her photo dumps, and they text each other much often than A and I. A while ago, there were rumours about B talking shit about me, and I told A. He ignored her for a day, and guess what? She wrote an entire paragraph exactly like a toxic clingy ex, longing for him to give her attention. I can't handle it anymore. I told A how I felt about her actions, and all he did was run back to her and reveal everything I said. I can no longer take this anymore. All I want to do is break her neck and kill A. I thought I could trust A. He 's my boyfriend for fuck's sake. I did not realise that he was capable of breaking my trust. I don't know what to do. I feel so shit when I bring it up. I don't want to ruin a friendship for him. I don't wanna lose him too. He's not only my boyfriend, but my best friend too. I feel so manipulated and gaslighted every time he says something to defend her. It's like I'm not a priority anymore. He even stated that everything he did was in an attempt to "solve" my relationship with B. Including invalidating my feelings and then telling everything even when it was a vulnerable moment to B. I'm falling apart.

I hate when people I work with repeat the same phrase or words every time. I’m not complaining, but when someone says, does this person has this or this person has that it makes me feel like I’m not listening which I am. I am listening. Also, every time I’m trying to speak they keep interrupting me as well and it drives me insane. It feels like I’m not being heard again. and once more, it’s during something very stressful like I don’t need to tell them anything, but I need to say this so that they can understand. Why does this stressful not repeating? Does this person have this? Does this person have that I want to yell them they don’t need that, but I can’t or else I’ll lose my job. Sometimes I just want them to know that I am trying my best, but you don’t need to ask the same damn question every time.

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday and I can’t believe in. In my head I’m still 17 years old. It’s like my life stopped when covid happened. How can I start living again? How can I catch up to everyone else? How can I be happy again?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, more than I probably should. I’m 20 years old, been in a relationship for a few months now, and on the surface, things are fine. She’s nice, funny, thoughtful, always checking in on me. We get along well, don’t fight, and everything seems… okay. But that’s kind of the problem—it’s just okay. I keep waiting for that spark, that big overwhelming feeling everyone talks about, the one where you just know you’re in love. But it hasn’t come. Not even close. And I’m starting to wonder if it ever will. I don’t dislike her. I enjoy spending time with her. But when I think about the future, or even just picture us next year, it’s like looking at something blurry. No clear image comes to mind. And it’s making me feel guilty, like I’m lying by staying in this relationship when my heart might not really be in it.

I’ve talked to a few friends about it, and I get mixed advice. Some say love takes time, that I shouldn’t expect fireworks this early, especially since we’re both still young. Others tell me if I’m already questioning things, that’s my answer right there. But it’s not that simple. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s done nothing wrong. She cares about me, probably more than I deserve, and the thought of breaking her heart makes me sick. But at the same time, I keep asking myself—is it fair to stay just because I don’t want to be the bad guy? Isn’t that worse in the long run? I don’t want to settle into a relationship just because it’s comfortable or because I’m afraid of being alone. But the fear of regret is real too. What if I leave and realize I made a mistake? What if I’m just not in the right mindset and this is all in my head?

We’ve had good moments, don’t get me wrong. Little laughs, shared jokes, quiet nights watching dumb movies. But there’s something missing. It’s like there’s a wall I can’t get past, a layer of emotion that never really shows up. I keep comparing what I feel now to how I’ve felt in past crushes, where I couldn’t stop thinking about someone, where I felt that ache when we were apart. With her, it’s different. I don’t count down the hours until I see her. Sometimes, I even feel relieved when plans get canceled. And then I feel awful for feeling that way. I keep telling myself maybe it’ll change, maybe I just need more time. But how much time is enough before you admit something isn’t clicking? I see couples who look crazy about each other, and I wonder what that feels like. I’ve never had that, and I’m scared maybe I’m just not capable of that kind of love—or worse, maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet, and I’m wasting both of our time pretending I have.

So yeah, I don’t know if I should stay in my relationship. I’m trying to be honest with myself, but the guilt is eating at me. I don’t want to be cruel, but I also don’t want to lie by staying when I’m not really all in. I wish someone could just tell me what the right answer is. I wish I could look at her and feel that certainty people talk about. But I don’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And until I figure it out, I’m stuck in this weird place between not wanting to hurt her and not wanting to hurt myself by staying in something that doesn’t feel right.

at my workplace there is a rule about smells.

if you smell offensive to anyone it's apparently a crime.

now.... I know what you're thinking: "oh god.. why? just take a shower!" ..no, I'm talking about smelling TOO good.

apparently...

if you have a shampoo or conditioner with fragrance.

if you have an air freshener in your car that gets on your clothes or the air freshener is in your closet and gets in your clothes.

if you use an overly fragrant laundry detergent or fabric softener.

if you use those laundry beads or sheets.

if you have a perfume/cologne, or a body spray.

if you brush your teeth or chew gum in the vicinity of another person and you happen to breathe on them for whatever reason.

...those are all no-no's, very bad. if someone complains on you several times you can be sent home or written up.

on the other hand..... it's PERFECTLY ok to smell "natural"

if you fart all day long.

if you burp non stop.

if you smell like alcohol or cigarettes.

if your teeth are rotting.

if you brought an 'exotic' lunch.

if you don't shower.

if you constantly sweat.

if you wear a diaper or a bag and do not change it.

if you are against wiping yourself in the bathroom.

if you don't wash you clothes but instead only rinse them with water.

if you have pungent foot odor.

if for whatever reason you save your pee/poop in a bag, jar or can.

or... any other "natural smell" that may offend another person.

that is all allowed. no one will say anything to you if you are a "natural" smelling person even if someone else, or multiple people, complain about how much it offends them. in fact if you do complain about a "natural smell" in your area that doesn't go away like a fart or burp and it is actually a smell coming from a living person... management will tell you "if it bothers you so much and you feel ill or nauseous then take your time and go home." management won't even let the "natural" person know because it's against the rules to possibly embarrass or shame a person's existence. if the "natural" person does or does not practice hygiene that is a workplace issue BUT since it is a natural smell, THEIR smell, it is seen as an extreme type of body shaming. that is against the rules. so the only ones that get in trouble are the "unnatural" or artificial smelling people or people that use such products.

I daydream about my mother in law dying. I will maintain my composure when that day comes but it will probably be one of the happiest in my life. To never have to endure her presence again.