Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 48

I do not like my parents. I have an older brother and it's obcvous that he's the golden child, my parents would do anything to make him happy while I'm just there wanting to be acknowleged and maybe respected? To give some context I am transgender and gay, since I was 11 I was struggling with my identity.(I'm now 16) At 13 I started self-harming and I was struggling mentally. During that time I met my best friend, he is also trans. His dad is more supportive than my parents are so he got to wear boy clothes, got to have short hair etc. My parents weren't really fond of him and I think they wanted to have a reason to make me cut him out. Eventually me and my friend started dating and he was the true love to me. On my 14th birthday I decided to fuck it all and I gave myself a nice short haircut. My parents freaked out and assumed it was my friend who was poisoning my brain but it was a decison I made on my own due to gender dysphoria. My parents forbid me from talking to him and it crushed me, we continued to date in secret for a few months more but came the moment when we broke up. I stopped texting him for a few minutes and he was really worried because I was very close to the edge of unaliving myself, he texted my mom basically begging her to check up on me. I was not trying to kill myself but I thought that my mom would ask what's wrong but I was so so wrong. She started complaining that she has it harder than me, how dare I even think of dying and she started listing all her problems and issues. That sucked. Few months later my parents found out about my self-harm and it was just a night of my parents screaming at me that it's disgusting, that I should be ashamed of it, that I don't have a reason to do all this. Many other hurtful things were said by them but I think what stuck the most was my dad asking "what did you use? do you want me to buy you real razors?" and then screaming at me. Few months later I was trying to attempt suicide, the only person whom I said goodbye to was my best friend, he threatened to call my mom and I think that was the only reason I got out of the noose. I lied down on the floor, my brother rushed into my room and called my mom. She promised that she won't be mad at me and that I should go to her. She lied. I did not hear a single sentence that would try to comfort me. My parents started another screaming session and I think what hurt me the most was what my mom said, "look at your brother how sad he is because of what you did". My brother then got comforted by my mom while I was just left in my room crying with my dad yelling at me, he was extremely homophobic and transphobic then as well. I was forbidden from going to school, I had my electronics taken away and I couldn't leave the house for a week. Then it was the summer holidays, then highschool started. 1st year in highschool was alright I guess but my best friend found a new parnter and I was getting depressed again, but it didn't work out between them. I feel bad for saying this but I'm happy it didn't. We promised eachother that once I turn 18 and move out we're gonna be togheter not as friend nor as a couple. Just us 2. Now I'm in 2nd grade and a few months ago my brother got a girlfriend, it wouldv'e been fine except for the fact that he's 21 and I think she's 15/16. He gets to sleepover at her place 3 hours away for WEEK at a time and I couldn't go to sleepovers to my friend who lived 15 minutes away. There are 2 things related to his relationship with that girl that genuenly made me cry: 1st was when before they got all official my mom told me "I'm so worried about your brother, what if she breaks his heart?". Mother you were cheering when you found out that the love of my life left me? You didn't give a shit about my broken heart? 2nd was when during like additional english lesson at a language school we were discussing stereotypes and everyone was joking and I decided to join in and joked about "discord mod" stereotype and said that my brother was one. My teacher asked what's that, I explained and also said the age gap between my brother and his girlfriend and my teacher was disgusted. I then asked why is it okay for him to be a pedo but not okay for me to be gay? I then started violently crying, my teacher came to hug me, she comforted and brushed my hair with her hands, she let me cry it out as long as I needed it. The rest of the lesson was kinda akward but it was the first time in many years that I felt maternal love, even if she isn't my mom. I sometimes mention weird stuff my parents do and she always says that she's a mom herself and that it's terrifying what they're doing and that she would never to that to her children. A week later, when we were alone in the classroom she asked how I'm feeling, are my parents really that not accepting of who I am, she said that she can see that I'm fading away and if I need it she can call someone or talk with my mom to talk sense into her. I declined the last offer because it would've made it worse but I thanked her for caring. Mrs Monika if you somehow end up reading this I love you and I would like to thank you for being a better mom to me than my mom ever was, (even if we see eachother only once a week). Me and my friend recently went thrifting in secret and some time later we went ice skating(also in secret haha, and we did kiss both times, I love that weirdo). That's all I guess?

I don’t know why some people like to butt in other people lives? Specially sister in-laws. Don’t they have their own family to take care of? I am really frustrated about how they all keep butting in my life. As if I have less problems of my own but one more phone call of them to my mil just make my day more shitty. I try not to get affected but in the end it takes psychological toll on me, it keeps playing in my head like a radio and makes me feel miserable I can’t even complain about them to anyone 😕

I've been struggled with depression since I was in grade 3 or 4. I didn't know what "depression" is until I grew up. And now, I'm still dealing with it every single days.

So i'm currently in my final year in university, i have a lot of things to worry about included my family, my future jobs, my future life,... so i sometimes feel overwhelm. In the final year, you're usually go to a company or an office to start your internship, right? Me too, but things didn't work out like I planned. My step-dad said that he can handle this because of his "wide networks" so he can find me a good place for my internship. It was the government's office, i didn't like it at first but still accept it because it related to my major. But people at the office didn't welcome me because they saw me entering the office as a "nuisance" or "this girl is good for nothing, only rely on her dad relationship". Then they made things hard for me to get my CV accepted. So right now, I still didn't get my internship, meanwhile, all the students in my uni are starting their owns. My friends too, they talked about how cool and lively their work environment are. It made me feel embarrased and bored. Not to mention, if I don't get my internship, I'll have to re-do my class ONE MORE YEAR. And I can't graduate on time.

Also, I'm kinda lost these days. I missed all the plan I've made and rot in bed days after days. Even tho in my head, I know I should get rid of those bad hanits of mine but I just can't find the motivation for it. And my mother tended to force me on doing houseworks instead of letting me go out for fresh air. She said i have to take care of my younger brothers and the house. And whenever i do something that trigger her, she'll beat me and scream at me with harsh words. I've been like this since I was in Kintergarden🫠 well she even said "i wish you were never born to me" so yea, i'm used to it. You may think I'm weak or helpless but that's just how I deal with my life. I still live til this day, but I'm not sure I can keep up with living like this anymore.

It sounds hardless. But my uncle is a fatshamer who says I'm ugly because I'm overweight. My grandma has lost her marbles and also talks about me being overweight. My other grandma is a nymphomaniac who makes me hella uncomfortable. The other uncles basically doesn't exist and the one I got along with really well died in front of me...and my parents are...Well...debatable. They want me to pay 400 in rent and that was fine when I earned 1800 by working 6 days a week for 8 hours a day (I'm on minimum wage) now with uni They cut my hours. I pay for everything myself and I pay for my little brother's stuff. I cannot afford 400 in rent. And they just said "stop buying things" and I'm like...I go out twice a week for coffee. That is it. The rest is spent on THEIR son. I cannot afford to move out because I have no secure job nor hours. But yet I'm the villain. And I have "no problems in life". I go to work where I'm being mistreated just to be used, judged and still be broke.

I’m struggling a lot with life I think, and finding myself thinking or fantasizing what the world would be like without me in it which I’m really worried about. It started in Nov of 2023, when I got this certification for my field of work. I felt really proud of myself as it was a really big deal, and thought that things would only go up from there. Fast forward a couple of months, me and my ex, my first really serious relationship, split up. Without going into too much detail, we both had issues with the other person, both did crappy things (probably moreso me), and knew it wasn’t healthy to continue. We agreed to still live together as roommates, as neither of us can afford to really live on our own, and felt we were still friends at the end of it all. At first I think I just suppressed it, tried distracting myself with activities, work, playing games with online friends, etc. I didn’t start realizing how I really felt until about 5 months later, when I just kinda realized I wasn’t over her. I told her how I felt and she agreed to work on it but that it was going to take some serious time. Over the next few months I tried working it out and fixing things, albeit going about it the wrong way and lovebombing, becoming exhausted and putting me in a really bad spot mentally. She text me one day when I was at work saying she couldn’t reignite feelings and she didn’t want to continue trying, and that I should’ve figured myself out sooner (but also not? idk I still can’t wrap my head around that one). To her credit she would come check in on me at first, and I guess I missed the hint as I had been under the impression that she wanted nothing to do with me relationship wise ever again. I felt crushed I think, and in a way led on but I knew that really wasn’t her fault. I told her I also didn’t have feelings anymore being a lie, moreso I just don’t want to have feelings anymore. Since then I’ve been in a limbo, it’s felt downhill ever since. On top of all of this going on, work was really demanding over the last year as my supervisor was absent for maybe a collective quarter of the year to the point that I couldn’t remember the last time he worked a full work week consecutively (which is uncommon in my field), which mentally and physically drained me even more. My online friends also turned out to not be who I thought they were, and started talking to them less and less. I tried therapy for awhile, but that wasn’t really working. Fast forward to now, I’m constantly in a deep depression. Hearing her laugh in her room playing games with friends and knowing she now has a boyfriend is almost like a constant punch in the gut. I’m getting back into my hobbies which is helping a little bit, but like i’d mentioned I still think about the world without me in it, and even though I think about something else almost immediately, I’m thinking about it more and more lately. I know I need to get out of this house, but I don’t know where to go, plus for better or worse I still care about her and don’t want her to struggle finding a place either. I feel trapped and alone I think. Sorry for the long post, been holding onto this one for awhile.

F18, I apologize right away, because I will write chaotically and jump abruptly from the topic. I just feel that I need to vent, but I have no one to talk to, so I am writing here. And English is not my native language, I write through a translator. I am currently studying at the institute, and I have no motivation to study. I have no motivation for anything at all. I don't know if I like what I am studying, if this is

who I want to become in life. I don't feel smart, I feel stupid, my social circle is much smarter than me, but I can't find the strength to try to study too. I don't feel like I have any real friends, even though I know I have them and I'm privileged to have friends at all. But lately I just don't feel comfortable talking to people. I just don't want to do anything. I hate myself, my body, the way I speak, my behavior, my character. I have no talent for anything, I can't do anything perfectly like others. I want to lose weight, but I can't. I can't remember myself without wanting to lose weight. I don't see myself as beautiful, I don't think I will be beautiful even if I lose weight. I've never been in a relationship, I've never experienced teenage love, it's forever lost to me. I am just so tired. There are still so many topics I want to write about, but there are explosions outside my window and I'm afraid my mom will ask me to go into the hallway and see me crying. So I'm finishing up. Maybe next time. Thank you to everyone who read this.

So, sometimes I feel quite sad and forgotten when people forget my birthday. Like, I'd cry in my brithday because someone I saw as a close friend completely forgot about it. I mean I know it's normal for people to not remember everyone else's special day, especially if they're busy with life and all. But it still makes me very sad since over the past few years I've made them drawings, custom gifts and animations by myself and they've never remembered my birthday even once for those years. I just wanted them to greet me.

So, I've been rather lonely for the past couple of years. About 6 years, in fact. Physically speaking I am not lonely,I've always had caring family and friends around me. But emotionally, I've felt detached and disorientated for the past few years. I've been mentally unstable,have attempted to kill myself about 3 times, and also self harmed a lot (I've been clean of self harm for a few months, though, fortunately.)

Anyways.For me, nothing beats feeling lonely than playing truth or dare with yourself and postinsetting up questions asking about my own day in a fake chat to try and cheer myself up.I don't understand a few things,to be honest. Why do i feel lonely even though there's so many people keeping me company? What did I do to deserve all these wonderful and caring human beings? Unlike them, I'm nothing good. I'm practically just a worthless parasite, and yet they all put up with me. My family, friends, and practically everyone I know. I don't understand how someone can like something like me. I'm just worthless anyways. But yet I want to be loved. My minds been a conflicting and overwhelming mess for years now, and I still don't know how to manage it. Somedays I find myself getting better. Somedays I find myself back in this loop of confusion and frustration. I don't want to continue being like this. I want to be happy with everyone else. So I guess I'll try again. I've failed, sure, multiple times. But I'll try again. And I'll keep trying. I'm going to die anyways. We all are. So since it's inevitable,might as well give life a small chance.

I don’t know, but even I’m confused about what’s happening. I hope... I really hope my suspicion isn’t true...

That I have a third eye. I don’t want to tell my family because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or that they won’t believe me. Even I can’t believe it myself...

It happened when my family and I attended the funeral of my dad’s friend. His daughter had died by suicide. I remember it was nighttime, and everyone there was busy playing card games and talking. I was sitting alone, using my phone, when I glanced at the coffin. I saw the girl's hand hitting the glass part of the coffin. I didn’t know if I was just seeing things, but after a few seconds, it disappeared like nothing happened.

Sometimes, on my way home from school, I see one or two kids asking for money. They look normal. I was about to give them some coins, but I was shocked when the coin passed right through the child's hand. Right after that, a classmate who was also heading home asked me who I was talking to and who I was giving money to. I told them it was the kid begging for money, but when I turned back, the child was gone. My classmate was even surprised and said they never saw any kid come near me.

I have a gf, and we've been dating for a couple months. I'm kinda uncomfortable with the lovey dovey things but sometimes I'm cool w it. Today I visited her place and told her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and that I may be aroace, this wasn't the first time this happened tho (Our relationship has been an off and on switch mostly because of me, I keep telling her that I'm not really ready for a relationship or that I'm not attracted to her but I still get into a relationship w her just bc of a "feeling").

I don't know why she still wants to be in a relationship with me, it's so obvious that we won't work out. I'm such a jerk really. I hate seeing the look on her face when I tell her that were not gonna work out. I hate it, so so much.

Ignore my grammar mistakes :')

Hey, so I just wanted to share some bad experiences with stress with school and relationships, so I have trust issues but I feel like no body know that because they always tell me to trust them, then also school full on stresses me out because we get a bunch of work piled on to everything we have to do and then by the end of the day I just feel very drained and feel like I can't do anything but then my parents get upset at me for having a messy room, but I don't have any motivation to do anything at the moment because I'm constantly being told to be 100% honest with everyone but I can't do that because they'll just tell everything to someone else and I just don't know what to do now.

I anonymously shared a story here a few days ago about being in a relationship that felt toxic and left me feeling like I was going crazy. I blamed myself a lot, only to realize that, by attempting to fix a relationship in such a broken state and with such a bad history, I was doing myself a disservice. I talked with close friends and made my resolve. I can't leave the toxic relationship right now because of a dependency issue. I will be leaving as soon as I get back my independence. I am making plans already to how I will go about saving up the money and running away without warning. My partner could change and be the person they always should of been, but then that would be far too late for me. It's been 4 years and I feel all the time I had wasted just to feel in the dating stages again for the 8 time or so. I am here to seek advice. I don't want anyone in running away from to suspect anything about me leaving. How to I cope with playing pretend all day and being in tears at night? I feel like I'm not myself anymore and with lots of anxiety about being found out too early. Thank you for taking the time to read this and share perspectives with me.

i checked my email today and noticed that MadeWithGSAP was released last wednesday. i got so excited because i’ve waited 2–3 months for this and wanted to learn more about GSAP’s capabilities (and hopefully i get to learn something in the long run). so, i checked the website out to see if it’s there.

but…that’s when i realized that it’s paid. it’s PAID. €85 for 50 GSAP effects? that’s like ₱5,153.55 here. bruh, that’s 1 1/2 months worth of groceries with that money. i can’t buy it because i’m a first-year college student, and i don’t even have a job yet.

man, that realization really hits me. it made me think about years ago when i’ve vented so much about why almost everything on the internet is expensive here in the philippines. why does life treat me like this?? man, i’ve waited for months and felt a bit of excitement, but all this wait for nothing? what am i going to do with all this? i don’t even know how to recreate those effects just from the previews they have on their website. i just can’t…do this.

Despite people telling me I'm pretty and intelligent, no one has ever been interested in me romantically. They always want me out of interest or for my body. I'm 19, and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me as time goes by.

It's true that, since I'm studying at uni, I don't have much time to focus on looking for a relationship, but even so, I think it's quite strange that no one has shown even a bit of interest in getting to know me as a person, rather than just using me. Furthermore, seeing that all my friends have had at least one relationship makes me feel even more "isolated."

I would like to know if this is a normal feeling and how I can improve my situation. Thank you so much.

(this post will be all over the place, I'm so sorry in advance) M17, I'm a failure. Point blank and simple, I can't seem to do anything right. I always forget stuff, simple or not, like hitting the send button sometimes or I leave something at my house whenever I go somewhere. It's so frustrating. And that's not all; My grades are like B's, which isn't that bad, but I am always told that "you're a smart kid" so then why tf am I making straight B/C's? (Anything below a 70 is not accepted in my house btw) I honestly just hate myself, who I am, what I look like, how I act. It's all just, eff me honestly. I'm the class clown, so I'm loud, obnoxious, annoying, and other such. I have a girlfriend, but I am starting to feel like she's drifting away, which makes me so upset, I don't want to lose her, she's been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, but I always try to be supportive, kind, loving and there for her, but I just, idk. I have Narcolepsy and Anxiety, so I'm often tired and stressed about too much. I just want a frickin' break, like seriously, I can't win at anything anymore. I'm so done. I won't k!ll myself because I'm too scared of dieing, but sometimes it's so hard to just exist. Like I just want to escape it all sometimes for like a week or two, that's all I ask, but I know I won't get that. Also college and my career scare me, I have a year left and I still don't know what I want to be, and I feel this pressure that I have to know soon, it's just all so much. If you've made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you wasting your time on me and my emotional prison. I hope you have a good day