Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 84

I’ve moved all my life never in one house for long due to one parent. So I’ve never made relationships, either friend or love. Every time I do a few week later I move again. This parent always asked, “No girlfriend yet”, “Why don’t you go out with friends” and other of the sort. My answers were always “No” and “They are online”. I started online school a year or two before Covid as I was going to help take care of a family member but they never moved in, and with my constant move I decided to stay online, Covid didn’t help and I never had a high school life, prom or any of that. I did college for a year online as well but that’s because of something else in a bit.

This parent suggested maybe I join the military, so I did, I enlisted in the Army. I spent a year and some change months clearing my medical and prepping. A few months before I was cleared I met my first and only girlfriend through a milsim we were part of. That’s again, for later. But I signed my life away as a 68W Combat Medical Specialist with a 4k bonus and was extremely lucky to choose a first duty station. South Korea, I never made it but woulda been great. So I ship to FT Sill OK for BCT and train. I made it a few weeks before my legs gave and I couldn’t stand. I went to the medical center and doctors and after a battery of tests and imaging, I stress fractured nearly every bone from my hips (inside and outer) to my feet, grade 1-4, I also ripped many of my muscles in my legs, and had something called Rhabdo-Myolosis. On top of that I was diagnosed with Osteoporosis and told I was of no use to the Army. I was placed on confinement to quarters for 72 hours twice while they were doing all the testing spanning to weeks. Terrible, I couldn’t lay on the bed so I sat on the concrete floor, cold, for hours and hours only able to go outside for meals. Watching my battle buddy’s come in for brief time trying to get info from them. What are you doing? It’s it tough? How are you? But it was in vein. White walls hum of the ac, occasional drill coming into to check lockers and throw something. Before I was discharged I was placed in a medical hold unit, C95 Adj Battalion. Basically for people really hurt and can’t stay at their training battery. I would say this was the start of my decent into depression and honestly lunacy. It was only 50 days in there but they were ever long. White brick walls, no windows, in crutches and medical boots like my 72 hour holds, A tv that was always off because of punishment. It was a prison, insane asylum and hospital in one room. Phone maybe 2 times a week but never enough to tell my family what’s happening. On call of hey I’m doing great I’m feeling strong, then I basically shattered my legs and I don’t know what’s happening, to finally, I’m useless and I will never be the same again. I went mad there, I’m not okay now either, I can’t be closed in, I need to see outside, and the bricks, ohh the bricks. If I ever see them I absolutely lose it inside. That was it, from I’m going to be a soldier and prove I’m worthy and have amazing dad lore for her and our future kids to, dang, I’ve lost my dream job. But I was going home to my partner.

My partner and I, met on a milsim for a game. We were extreme long distance being across the ocean but we made it work. It started 3 months before I shipped to BCT. And she stayed all through my training. I thought a few times I’d get Dear John’d but I was lucky. Nope. 2 weeks after I got home she got shallow, and we never played a game together even though that’s literally how we met and played daily before I left. So on the end of week 3 I said I k ow you want this to end. Just tell me so I hear it from you. She admitted she wanted it to end and in short I agreed to her leaving. She said she will stay till I get my help from the VA. I said no, I don’t want to force you to stay, and it would take years. That was it. 7 months gone. I really felt I lost it all then. My core dreams. I had my dream career, health and woman. Then in 3 months all was gone.

A few months later the same week I had plans to visit her country and her, I had to put my dog down. I was done at that point. Everything I had.

I continued seeing mental health services at the VA and long story short I was put in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. I met someone there and decided to give each other a chance. I had my first date ever, and had my first kiss ever. Finally feeling the human connection I had craved for years. But I shoulda known better. Nothing works for me. That night I cried tears of joy, someone cares about me again, the physicality of humanity is perfect, she cried to, but cause she still loved her ex. Told me a few days later. And after many talks, I found, she used me, the pictures we took, the date, everything was to get him to talk to her again. I said I can’t continue talking to you after that. I may crave that connection more now but not at the cost of fighting another guy for someone and being used to get to him. Just. No.

So now I’m back at square one. Alone. I don’t have a job because my health limits work and no one will hire with my conditions. Back to being online and trying to make it through the day.

I've never been able to understand myself or truly understand others. I've never managed to form a real attachment to someone without feeling like I'm lying to myself, and it's the same with my parents and friends. On top of that, I feel completely empty all the time. I can't even physically cry anymore—I feel hollow, like there's no solution. Yet, I've been seeing a psychologist for three years, as well as a child psychiatrist. I'm only 15, but honestly, I can't see myself making it to 25.

[Translated from French as IIWIARS is English only]

I’m still annoyed with my aunt and uncle from last summer. We went out on a patio to catch up and my uncle rudely took my dog without asking my permission and proceeded to walk my dog in a busy parking lot. Who does that?! I was panicked and fearful for my dog’s life and yet I didn’t do anything. So, yes, I’m mad at myself for not having done anything at the moment. Then, later, I found out that my aunt had asked my mom if I had any friends. This blew my mind and I felt like a huge boundary had been crossed with my uncle taking my dog away from me, having my personality been labelled by my uncle, and then judged again by my aunt. It was too much! I spoke up to both of them with how I didn’t like any of it but never got a true, sincere apology. Now, I just plan to avoid them from now on.

I have been born and raised in a pretty religious family, and I always had a good relationship with god but for the past few years ( since 2023 ) it has been so rough.

At first it was okay, I was upset but I still believed that god would help me or guide me but as days passed by I saw that my family and I just constantly went under extreme horrible bad luck and bad luck. People tend to say whatever god does, does it for the betterment for you but what is this? How can we believe that god will save us when it feels like he doesn’t even listen. It’s upsetting to see honest people suffer while selfish people thrive and people say that we shouldn’t say anything as god will punish them after death.

There is this pretty important thing coming up for my religion but honestly I’m not even excited, for the first time in my entire life I’m having second thoughts about whether or not I should perform it.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe god exists and I do want to fix my relationship with my religion but sometimes just sometimes, I just tend to think that it is all so pointless.

( sorry for the confusing rant lol, I just wanted to vent )

He was my first love. I loved him. But he didn't love me back. I was always there for him, if he needed me. Always there. Always. Yet he abandoned me. It Ruined me. I can't love anyone, the way i loved him.

Heyah!

This story isn't my own. It's from one of my teachers. And no names are included.

Dude was my Math teacher(HS). I was always curious about my teachers lives... So they shared.

At the time... I wanted to be a wedding planner. So, I asked a lot of my teachers about their weddings or their romantic relationships.

I was sorta the goodie-two-shoes. So they shared with me.

Back to my math teacher... He shared that he God super drunk on his wedding. And he bought a fake cake... Which I can understand for budget reasons, but at least get the top of the cake for the 1 year anniversary😭!! Dude didn't🫠. He bought Costco's sheet cake. Again, nothing wrong with that. I just personally think the getting drunk on one's own wedding isn't very smart.

The next story is if my ASL teacher. She was dating a dude for 7 years, then the dude cheated on her. She was very sweet... Albeit pretty shy... But cheating shouldn't be happening😑. Regardless of any excuses... Talk to your partner. Get therapy. Talk to some friends, family, even strangers can help give advice. Also, if dude had feelings for someone else, but still loved my ASL teacher... Is that really love? What is love? Dating for 7 years, you'd think all your opinions, beliefs, and expectations would align at some point.

Same goes for one of my therapists... Girly dated this dude for 5 years, no ring, and a cheater. My therapist said that she used to be a "plain Jane" but started eating healthier, taking care of herself, and simply enjoying her life more than she was before. She'd get dolled up and spend time with her SO. And the shitty part is that after a vacation to I think it was some sorta islandy area... Greece or Italy I think... Dude broke up with her after finding someone he liked better. My therapist at the time said the girl looked like how she used to be... "Plane Jane". Nothing wrong with a plain Jane... But come on, break up before the cheating. And due was cheating on my therapist for 3 years🫠. Sad ain't it🥴. By the way... This relates to school cause she was my HS therapist😅.

My personal love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

Yes, a person can have more than one love language. And technically, according to the 5 Love Languages... Food isn't one of them😂!

Food most likely is part of all of them other than words of affirmation... Unless one uses foods to describe their romantic partner🤔. Or uses food to convince their romantic partner via analogies in conversation🧐.

Most people I've meet are hard to interact with in terms of the words of affirmation😭. I've seen and heard a lot of the rest of the Love Languages being preferred. But society has a tendency to focus on actions more than words. But I personally feel very loved if someone actually talks to me. Both in-person and texting and calling. I don't need to take up their whole day, but I'd like to talk with someone... Anyone... Who doesn't feel overwhelmed by my talking style or texting style 😮‍💨. I genuinely don't think there's anyone out there who'd remember, comment, and enjoy reading 2 pages of texts🫠. But I enjoy words... I really enjoyed hearing ones poetic self. Even if it's not profound... If it's original and coming from the heart that's all that really matters to me. Plus honesty of course... Cause someone can create and original and one from the heart, but sometimes the heart isn't always in-tune with the mind. That may sound confusing... And it's around 1AM. So, I'm a bit tired. So ignore any parts that you don't understand... Cause I starting to not even understand what I'm saying either🥴.

By the way, where are the bestest places to make online friends or find online dating🫠. That's safe and valid😑. Cause I technically, at the moment, can't leave the house due to social anxiety... And other reasons... But I'd still like to make friends. Even if it's not romantic partners🙃.

I want a cat!

I want a CAT!!

I WANT A CAT!!!

But my family is allergic😭!!! Super allergic... Like asthma inducing allergic🥲.

This isn't a deep conversation... Just a hope that when I feel physically better and emotionally better, I can go back to college... Then get a job... Get my own place... And finally have a cat🤩!! But that's gonna take years😭!! I want a cat🫠!

Okay so I’ve been stressing about this for weeks now and I still don’t know what to do. How to break up with someone without completely crushing them?? Cuz no matter how I think about it, it’s gonna hurt, right?? I mean, he’s not a bad guy or anything, he’s actually really sweet and treats me well, but I just don’t feel it anymore. And that’s the worst part, cuz I can’t even give him a “real” reason other than I just... don’t want this anymore. Like, how do you tell someone who still loves you that you’re just done?? Every time I try to bring it up, I freeze or change the subject cuz I see the way he looks at me, like I’m his whole world, and I just can’t be the one to take that away from him. But at the same time, staying in this relationship just cuz I’m scared of hurting him is NOT fair, not to him and def not to me. I thought about doing it over text but that feels way too cold, and in person is just gonna be so awkward, I know he’s gonna ask why and what changed and I don’t even have a good answer. Should I just rip the bandaid off and say “Hey, I think we should break up” or do I soften it with “I still care about you but I don’t see this working long term”?? UGH it’s all so freaking complicated. I wish there was a way to do this without feeling like the worst person on earth but I know there’s not. And I know dragging it out is just making it worse, but every time I tell myself “okay, today’s the day,” I chicken out. Maybe there’s never a right way, maybe you just have to be honest and hope they understand. But what if he doesn’t?? What if he cries or worse, gets mad?? I just don’t wanna hurt him but I know staying is just lying at this point. Guess I just have to do it and deal with whatever happens after... god, why is this so hard??

My girlfriend and I (I'm also a girl btw) have been dating for a year and ½ now, and for the first 11 months it was great. We loved each other, and we were comfortable around each other, and we felt safe. We would show physical affection daily, and it was both of our love languages. We would spend so much time together.

But then the bullying started. It was a range of homophobic comments and slurs, to even my girlfriend getting physically attacked by one of these people. The bullying was sorted out a few months back, but things haven't been the same since. Me and my griflriend haven't held hands in months. We haven't shown any physical affection in months. My girlfriend doesn't tell me everything anymore and we've just drifted apart. Because ever since the bullying we've been too scared too be ourselves again. And it hurts me so much because I want to hold her hand, to hug her but she is too scared now because of the homophobia. I understand but it stil hurts.

I still love her but i think all the bullying changed her, and we both know she doesn't feel that way anymore. We haven't broken up though because both of us have been too scared to say it.

I feel so alone because she was the one person who knew everything about me, who still loved me and now we're so distant.

I’ve always had a habit of joking about myself, but lately, I’m starting to think it’s getting out of control. Self deprecating humor was kinda my thing—it made people laugh, made me seem approachable, and honestly, it helped me cover up any awkwardness. At work, it felt like the easiest way to fit in. Like, if I made fun of myself first, no one else could. “Oh yeah, I totally butchered that presentation,” or “Classic me, messing up again.” At first, it was just harmless banter, but now? It’s like I can’t say anything about myself without adding a joke at my own expense.... It's like if self deprecating at work has ruined my confidence... And the worst part? I think people have started to believe it. At first, they laughed along, but now, I catch these looks—like they’re wondering if I actually am bad at my job. Maybe they don’t trust me to handle big projects. Maybe I’ve been so good at making myself the office joke that they actually see me that way now.

The other day, I overheard two coworkers talking about me—nothing mean, but one of them said something like, “Yeah, he’s funny, but you can’t really take him seriously. He even says so himself.” That hit me way harder than it should have. I realized that all these little jokes, all the ways I downplayed myself, were actually making people see me as... less. Less competent. Less reliable. Less professional. I’d been so busy making sure no one saw me as arrogant that I accidentally convinced them I wasn’t worth much at all. And honestly, now I don’t even know if I believe in myself anymore. It’s one thing to use humor to connect with people, but it’s another thing to make yourself look incapable. And now? I feel like I’ve spent the last year making myself sound like a joke, and everyone—including me—started believing it. The weird thing is, I never even felt that insecure before. But now? Now I hear my own words playing back in my head, and they don’t feel like jokes anymore.

Now I’m stuck trying to figure out how to undo it. I wanna be taken seriously at work, but how do I suddenly stop making jokes about myself without looking like I’m trying too hard? It feels weird to just start acting confident when I’ve spent so much time making it clear I wasn’t. And the worst part? Even when I try to stop, those thoughts are still there. Like, what if I really am just average? What if they’re right? It’s like I tricked myself into seeing myself the same way I made everyone else see me. And the truth is, I don’t wanna be seen that way anymore. I know I need to change this before it completely wrecks my career, but I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I need to fake confidence until it becomes real. Maybe I need to just stop talking so much and let my work speak for itself. Or maybe, I just need to figure out how to stop believing every joke I ever made about myself.

A few years ago, my brother died. And it kind of ended up breaking me. I never got to tell him, but the truth is I was in love with him. I still am. I spend everyday thinking about him. Not just as a sibling. As everything. I loved him to the point it was almost obsession. Hell, it probably is obsession. But I can't get over it. Get over him. I can't move on no matter how hard I try. I love him. I'm in love with him, I need him, and I feel so depressed each day without him. I love my brother. His scent. His touch. If he were alive I'd kiss him. Cuddle him. Do everything a couple would do and more. My love for him is beyond the norm for most people. I love my brother. As a friend, as family, as a partner. Romantically, even sexually. I love him with every fiber of my being. And I miss him, so much.

So.

I’ve been struggling with different things for the past three years or even four, it’s been a while and I cannot remember exactly when this did start but I’ve tried everything to fit into what people want me to fit but at the same time I don’t care and at the same time o don’t wanna be a part of them, even if I try to be different I feel like if I’m just calling the attention or something like that and I’m afraid, afraid of myself and disgusted and…I don’t know what more, my mother did find out and tried to force me to get better by trying to make me fit in what she wants that just kept me pulling down

Platonic friendships are possible and I am a believer of that. I've had and still have very successful ones. Those friendships aren't even considered a "friendship" I would consider them a sister. I have 3 friendships like this. Unfortunately I can't anymore. I've spent so much time this girl and it's always been brother and sister love between us both. Looking out for each other comforting each other during hard times and it's been very respectful and the clear boundaries have not been crossed. I hoped that it would've stayed as that bond of brother and sister but when one starts to think of the other in a different light they die inside. You're left with 3 options: 1. Die inside and tell her how you feel and she accepts and everything will be great. 2. Die inside and tell her how you feel and she doesn't like that so you can't be friends. 3. Die inside and don't tell her and preserve your entire relationship with the person. Under other circumstances I would've told her and risked our friendship. She has a boyfriend who l have meant, respect, and love him for her. So much so that when she told me about him I almost cried tears of joy. With that being said I feel that it's only appropriate to distance myself and let the friendship be just memories. I feel it's unfair to her on whatever I do but I only know it's fair to myself if I distance myself. Wonder what your thoughts are on this.

I am in quater of my ideal age where I die. Here's a brief epiphany I have got, or it may be a idealist assumption that my ego is making, simplifying the question which has plagued people for centuries.

The world to me seems not that bad, at this moment. Sure it is difficult and unforgiving and cruel at the same time, and it is so hard to be happy, but I think instead of focusing on it, I should find peace within it. I am sure this is a paradox since it is going to be more difficult than the former, but I think it would be more lasting. To accept that I am a selfish, entitled, flawed human who has a warped sense of reality is a hard pill to swallow but necessary nonetheless. But I am nothing but a human, who will show humanity in times of decision even with all these flaws. This is my firm belief.