Family Drama Stories

[Translated from Tagalog. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Fuck, I don’t want this anymore, I’m so fucking tired. I’m already super stressed and exhausted with everything that’s happening here at home and at school. I’m so pressured and all because of my entrance exams that are getting closer, and I’m always reviewing, always hungry, always with nothing to eat—fuck—because my parents have no idea how to handle their money, especially my dad. And he even got hospitalized. Fuck, I know that’s not his fault, but fuck—he said he was going to resign from his company because the workplace is already so toxic and he’s always stressed and overworked there, but he still stayed.

He ghosted me and my family here for almost one month already. We don’t have anything left to pay the bills and loans, fuck that shit. It’s always just debts after debts, and then it turns out he can’t even pay them. He acts like he’s rich, with all these debts he has to pay, and then he makes promises to me like it’s cool—but it’s not. It hurts so much because every promise you made to me—on my birthday, I didn’t even receive a single “happy birthday” from you. Fucking hell.

Are you that ashamed of me already? You should be, fuck, but why would you even ghost us?? What you did was wrong. You should’ve just apologized instead of not talking to us, especially to me. Fuck. And now what? Always hungry. They keep saying I need to understand the situation—fuck??? Am I always the one who has to understand?? Haven’t you learned your lessons from before, when it’s always debts, enjoy now then starve later??? Fuck, it’s always like this.

Good thing I’m still studying hard. I even graduated with high honors. I’m the one searching for whatever universities and scholarships I can apply to. I already pity myself. I’m sick too, you know. There’s not even a cure yet, fuck. You might as well just kill me, fuck. When are you going to change? When will you all learn your fucking lessons? It’s always like this, always, fucking hell.

And now you’re saying you’re tired? Yeah, people get tired—but I’ve been tired of you for a long time already. Did I complain? Did I scream at you? Did I say awful words to you? No. But you? You did all of that to me just because you were tired, fucking hell. Then you shouldn’t have had children in the first place if you couldn’t even support us. Fuck. And then you make us experience and feel what poverty is like. You already went through hardship yourselves—why repeat it again? And then it’s like it’s our fault that we’re alive?? Fuck.

I’ve been tired for so long already. That’s why I ended up having a severe illness with no cure, hahaha. I was so depressed, but you didn’t even know that. I’m so fucking tired. I’m hungry. I want to rest. I’m dizzy. I was supposed to review for my exams tomorrow, and I ended up writing this fucking vent because you were screaming at me without knowing that that was literally my last straw. I’m tired, sleep-deprived, can’t eat properly, hungry. And then you still scream at me and say horrible things?? Fuck.

I currently live in Afghanistan and am known as a poet and literary activist. Because of my literary activities, especially my writings and poems, I have consistently faced restrictions, pressure, and threats from the current ruling authorities of the country, namely the Taliban. Under the present conditions, freedom of expression in Afghanistan has effectively ceased to exist, and individuals involved in art, literature, and independent thought are at serious risk of arrest, persecution, and punishment.

As a result of these activities, I have been threatened multiple times, both directly and indirectly, and there is a serious fear that if I remain in Afghanistan, I will be arrested by the Taliban in the near future. These threats are real and severe, and they have completely destroyed my sense of personal safety and psychological security.

Unfortunately, I am also in an extremely difficult financial situation and do not have the means to leave Afghanistan on my own or through legal channels. I have no financial support or resources to facilitate my departure, and I have no safe path to protect myself independently.

I respectfully request your assistance, taking into consideration the dangerous conditions I am living under, the continuous threats against me, and the lack of security and freedom in Afghanistan. I urgently need help to leave the country safely and to seek asylum in a European country. Remaining in Afghanistan may lead to irreversible consequences for my life.

My mother cut her wrists again today. I don’t believe in spiritual juju but some of those bullshits may be true with “mirroring” or whatthefuckever as my emotionally worst days always end up being revealed as “oh my mom did self-harm”. She apologised for some reason. I don’t get why. She harmed herself, not me.

I’m suicidal for who knows how long. Passively. Too much of a pussy to commit but still … during unviersity stresses I accumulated plenty mental health and general health issues, cortisol “alarming” since second year, but I passed enough to get the fucking paper that did jackshit in my life. Couldn’t find a job, eventually made use of a teacher shortage through nepotism – it’s shit, I really am not cut out to be a teacher, work stresses me out, I come depleted home and I only have a work-sleep loop. Boohoo people have it worse – I FUCKING KNOW, OK?! I KNOW! Doesn’t make it any better. I suffered that, hoping forwards will be easier. I gave up. I don’t try and am conscious of my limited energy pool. Life is just enduring and waiting for death to arrive – I am too much of a pussy to come to it.

I wanted to get a new computer and eventually live alone – away from my family, from my mother with schizophrenia and all kinds of addictions and flip-flop states; Führerin grandmother; trigger-happy hyper-choleric autistic grandfather and … well I do love my brother regardless of his bullshit like racism and narcissism. I can go get fucked with all that. I make 3€/hr. netto, that barely pays for the booze I need to make do in this shit life. Everything since 2022 (after COVID lockdowns) was just deep shit – COVID was fucking great, being at home, school a breeze, it was too good, raising the bar of what feels like a perfect life too high. I just want calm. Peace. Everything to shut the fuck up. “No alarms and no surprises.” I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to deal with people’s bullshit, I don’t want to “overcome god’s challenges” (whichever one’s – I’m a hostile/misotheistic agnostic aka “I don’t think there is a god but if there is they are a malevolent being”). I just want silence. Quiet. Nothing.

Guess I was escapist and mentally troubled for that since I was like 12 making stories about my family disappearing. I was a furry, still kinda am. Diagnosed with various shit like Asperger’s or SzPD (not self-dx), got some pills, nothing worked. My mom’s teasing death with her little cuts. I wonder when I’ll be the one to steal her thunder and X myself. I don’t fear death. I fear surviving but remaining worse-off (brain damage, surveillance, psychiatric treatment = loss of autonomy). I think one day I’ll close my eyes on those risks and try anyway. I romanticise death, I know, but I really would love that promised eternal peace. Just nothing. Void. I’ll go there anyway, so why suffer and wait when it doesn’t matter? When the now up to then has nothing positive in store?

So far I keep waiting. I wonder for how long.

I wonder if this is one of my last echoes into the dark aether of the internet.

I don’t know.

That’s all.

Bye.

Hey, I know this is a dumb question to ask online but at this point I'm desperate. I'm wondering how to be happy

I haven't been able to feel truly happy in a long time and it's been getting worse. I'm having the same day every single day for half of my life. Even when i try to change it it doesn't really change not really

It's just the same day everyday with a few things being different

I wake up, get insulted by my family for the whole day, read stories, do my chores, walk in circles for hours, go to sleep, repeat. Yeah I've tried to change it I've tried not to be so "miserable" but I can't

My only wish is to go to highschool like other 17 year olds but even that won't come true. My only friend is my dad's friend's wife who I know pitys me and my mother just straight up left years ago

Me and my dad's relationship will forever be ruined after he acted like a pedophile to me when I was 14 then proceeded to call me mentally insane when I brought it up in August because I felt like it was eating me alive. He said that maybe I was hallucinating or having a dream

Sometimes I realise that people don't truly love me or like me or really care that much

People say "practice self love" but they need to realise it's not the same as your father loving you. Or anybody

I used to do the whole self love thing and take care of myself a lot but now I just can't find the will to do that. I haven't brushed my hair in months.

Most days my mind doesn't really absorb, just thinking about unicorns or whatever nonsense. But some days like this one, it feels gut wrenching like my stomach dropped

I'm turning 18 in December this year. Basically in one blink of an eye. I should change but it feels like I'm stuck in a pool full of thick Nutella and honey

But yeah I just want to know how to feel happy. And how to stop feeling so paranoid all the time it's ruining my life.

I know I shouldn't ask such a question online but I have nowhere else to go

I'm not insulting my father or anyone in this message, they'r nice but everyone has their issues and moments I guess. But I'm just saying my opinion, that it hurt me

Always being perceived as something I'm not, and it hurts because it comes from my family : <

Hello,

I am a young man.

I am 19 years old and I live in Afghanistan.

This is my second letter on this site.

In my previous letter, I asked for financial help. Some kind people suggested solutions such as scholarships and remote online work.

First of all, please forgive me if this letter makes you feel sad. I know this site is mainly created for expressing emotions, but please understand that I am in very difficult circumstances, which is why I came here to share my story. I truly have no other option. In the place where I live, access to local or international aid is very limited.

Let me tell my story from the beginning.

Since childhood, I have struggled with depression and mental health problems because my parents were constantly fighting. My father had a very controlling and dictatorial role in our home. I managed to finish school with great difficulty and hardship.

Now my father is suffering from heart diseases and is no longer able to work. As you may already know, job conditions in Afghanistan are extremely poor and worrying. More than 90% of people here live below the poverty line.

Continuing my education is very important to me. If circumstances allow, I want to continue studying and become a good artist. I am deeply interested in literature and sometimes I write poetry as well. However, my family’s severe financial situation has pushed me far away from all my dreams.

I know that relying on others is not the right thing to do, but I am truly forced to do this out of necessity. Please, if you are able, do not forget me in your help. By helping me, you will not only make me happy but will also bring relief and happiness to my entire family.

I read your comments carefully, and if you are willing to cooperate or help, please send me a message on the following WhatsApp number:

+93792262890

Long live humanity and kindness.

Heyo, so before you dive into this story I'm letting you know that my older sister is diagnosed as severely depressed and also manipulative towards me (She was 17 years old while I was 13 years old) and I dont even know how or even why she wants me to follow her to do it but past trauma caused me to do so. (I live in southeast asia if you're a bit confused with the word senior highschool)

So what i was about to talk about is how we got almost arrested while I was in highschool on the other hand she's at senior highschool, During our semester break she asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her (which isn't the exact reason actually) I of course agreed to go because I wasn't able to leave home anytime I want, We rode a tricycle on our way there and I noticed she has a big bag with her but I shrugged it off.

After me and her entered the grocery shop, I didn't notice she started to steal things from the shelf and putting it inside her big bag, I thought we were just gonna buy things instead of putting items in a bag (I was really oblivious to her actions back then) , when me and her arrived at the entrance the guard asked to check her bag and my sister told me she forgot her phone at a shelf, I followed after her not knowing what's happening since I haven't known what my sister had done and the next thing I knew is that me and my sister got grabbed by a guard to get interrogated after that our mom got called over to pay and pick us up. When we arrived back home I was immediately scared of facing my parents since me and my sister did a crime and they didn't know that was gonna be the outcome of our shopping. I always knew my dad as someone really strict and a bit abusive, so I needed to avoid him so bad because I would cry immediately the moment I see him being mad at me. My sister went straight to our shared bedroom, acting mad or normal after putting the family in debt.

Was that supposed to lecture me to not steal or to just inflict more pain by giving me trauma?? I want to see other people's perspective about my story

I’m 31, Male, single, no kids. I feel like im at the edge of bridge just waiting to jump. I’m so fucking angry all the time. I really hate the way my life has turned out. I’ve lost every ounce of happiness in my body.

I hate the way I feel I hate the way I live. I’m so tired of it.

I only feel depressed and angry with a short fuse all the time. I’m living with my grandparents and my mother, because my grandparents are in their 80s and my grandfather is going through stages of dementia. It’s sad to see and deal with. He constantly walks around the house looking lost. He can’t do much anymore but is still active (goes grocery shopping, the doctors). He gets confused about basic shit all the time, and we are constantly having to explain the same things over and over again. He’s always trying to do physical work but has 0 strength in his hands. I have to help him all the time, with everything. Now I’m not mad at him for asking for help. But I feel frustrated all the time because I’m trying to balance my life at the same time. I was long time alcoholic/addict. I haven’t drank in 5 years. But I quit smoking weed again about 3 weeks ago.

I’ve been in construction for 10 years and the last 5 have been a blessing and a fucking nightmare. I worked for a small shop, only 5-10 guys max and we have to do everything and we’ve had constant problems, whether it be the guys installing shit wrong and I’m fixing it. The project manager not ordering the correct materials, setting unrealistic goals like being at 2 or 3 different places in the same day to measure, install, make deliveries, all sorts of shit. And when he’s wrong, it’s not as simple as saying “hey this showed up, it’s not enough or this is the wrong part” no you have to build a whole case to PROVE he was wrong. We hit a rough patch the last 2 years because of a piss poor installer, that was their baby, he was stealing hours, installing shit wrong all the time. Never gave a fuck about anything. We fired him and then fired a superintendent that was an asshole to everyone. There have been only 4 guys in the field. And it’s been trying to play catch up, fixing all the problems, trying to take on new jobs, dealing with everything. It never stops and hasn’t. We are all burnt out big time. And it got bad enough to where me and another guy got laid off back in November, and there’s only our foreman and one leadman doing all the work. And the PM just takes time off whenever he wants. So shit isn’t and can’t get done.

I’m pissed off without a job and pissed off with one.

Into my personal life. I quit drinking, quit smoking. I don’t do shit anymore I used to skate when I was younger and go out frequently with my friends. I was only going to work and going home these last 5 years. Barely went on any vacation. And now I just feel so lonely and abandoned, none of my friends invite me to do anything anymore. Like for example my best friend hasn’t called me or anything in months, the last time he called he just wanted to use my truck to help him move into his new apartment, and same for my cousin, haven’t heard from him for months and just called to use my truck. And when I’ve called for help “busy”. Pieces of shit, they don’t remember years ago, when I used to drive them around everywhere, take them to work when they didn’t have a car, listen to all their hardships over the phone. Now when I really need it the most they are busy dealing with life. We fucking all are we all have problems. I’m just so angry at them now. My best friend chooses his Gen Z 20 year old co workers to hangout with. My cousin and his gf (known her for 25 years) is still best friends with my ex gf who was a cheater, mentally ill schizophrenic (not being a dick, she actually is) hooked on Xanax, accusing me of cheating all the time. Constant fighting, multiple 5150s, and just all sorts of shit. It was hell. And I still have dreams about her and it drives me crazy me nuts. When I got sober, I got counseling and therapy and talked about all of this. Why does it still haunt me almost 10 years later?

I feel so scared for my future and everything going on all at the same time. I have constant anxiety, depression and just anger. It makes me not want to do anything but just stay inside but that drives me nuts to. I walk my dog 5 miles everyday, I workout a few times a week. I try to cook all my food from scratch. I try to play video games. I just started reading books again. But it seems like nothing helps. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so fucking alone and so much stress and pressure. I wish I had friends again or gf but I really don’t want to experience anymore bullshit right now.

If this was a hard read for people I’m sorry, my mind is all over the place. I haven’t done anything about these feelings in years just being a man and dealing with it. I was just trying to put as many thoughts out there on paper to help alleviate this feeling. This is my first post idk how this site works yet. Im an open book, I’ll answer any questions you may have. Thanks for reading my jumbled mess.

i kinda have to use politics for this story, pls dont read if you're just gonna argue down below!!

i have an older brother, theres a 5 year difference between the two of us. our dad passed away almost three years ago but thats not when i first noticed my brother's opinions.

for context, we both live in our mom's house. mom has always been the bread winner and provider in our family, since my dad was an alcoholic and rarely contributed. the only thing i feel is important to mention is that mom can be aloof and cold. shes very 'stoic' in that sense.

back during covid, when andrew tate blew up, i noticed my bro watching him a lot, which concerned me. i spoke to my mom about it and she clearly didnt care.

since then, he's collected the 'basic' far right beliefs like pokemon. i assume you know what i mean, stuff like 'women are emotional, men are logical', 'women cook and clean and men provide', 'men are dominant and women are submissive'. which is ironic but whatever.

he has a history of being weird to (girl) friends i bring over, he claims to have several women and calls himself a pimp, etc.

recently, presidential elections took place where we live (not US elections), and he was very open about voting for the far right candidate. mom scolded him. whenever she scolds him, he acts like a puppy but quietly keeps his mindset if that makes sense.

im certain he's depressed. he doesnt shower, (and when he does, he only uses water because soap is for women and it would raise his 'estrogen' and make him 'a little bitch' im so deadass) he only leaves his room to go the gym, he doesnt sleep, he drinks hella energy drinks.

recently, he's been reposting concerning stuff on tiktok and instagram; things that point to body dysmorphia, testosterone, steroid use, that type of stuff, on top of the usual degrading misogynistic stuff.

my mom knows all this, she just doesnt seem to really care (?). i mean, he is a grown man. its also no secret that he was neglected growing up. (we both were, but i imagine he had it worse being the older sibling) the thing is that ive been very forward about seeking help. i pestered my mom about therapy, psychiatrist, antidepressants, all that. i also got my brother to see a therapist a couple of times and the therapist recommended he goes to the psychiatrist and seeks a more serious treatment, at which point everyone in our family collectively agreed that he doesnt need anything like that. nobody even asked him what he thinks.

i'm convinced if nobody does anything, he'll die from either suicide or heart problems (from energy drinks and possibly steroids, tho im not positive on that one)

im very worried about him, and really frustrated that nobody else seems to notice. ive spoken to him before, there were instances where he talked a little bit about how he was treated growing up and my instinct was to call it cringe and leave, but i shut my bitchass up and listened. there were also instances where i asked questions and only got an 'idunno' in return. and of course there's the instances where he claims i wouldnt understand anything because im a girl.

the way he thinks is very black and white, very binary, is what i noticed.

please let me know if anything is unclear, and feel free to ask questions since theres stuff im probably forgetting rn.

i'll take advice from anyone but im particularly interested to hear any young men speak on this if possible

thanks for reading!

I just had an intense argument with my mom, which led me to cry in the closet room for almost an hour. I don't want to go through the details of what happened. Let's just say one small thing lead to whole chaos. I thought about me and hers relationship together and I wondered if she actually cares about me. Ig she argued with me like she didn't, still, it hurt. Bc she's never actually listened to what I have to say. She always goes off rambling about whatever expecting to listen through. Then a few hours later, my dad rages over my brother like the hundredth time and beats him with a belt. Somehow, I got involved with his scolding bc the pathaway to my door was a mess with books and papers (it wasn't really mess, more like random stuff on the floor bc there's a bookshelf outside of my door) and he always has to include something hurtful and unnecessary to his scoldings. The worst part about all this is when it ends, bc when it does, it seems like everything goes back to normal, except now I'm a mental wreck contemplating about why sin did I committed in a past life to get emotionally and psychological abused by two emotionally self absorded nitwits who talk their asses off like they get paid for every sentence that say. I honestly thought about ending my life, I've been thinking about it for a long time now but its more of a traumatic response that something constant. But I'm really considering it now since I feel trapped in my parents' home and running away seems too terrifying to me. I just wished that they acc made an effort to care about me as an individual but ofc, they have like 5 other children to take care of, which they had WILLINGLY, so who gives a shit about their children's mental wellbeing.

Hi, I'm just turning 19 this year and finally making decent friends. Never really had friends so most things that happened in my childhood got deemed as 'normal' and pushed aside. until now. I was telling this one story to my friend about how my mom used to handle conflict between me and my sister and she told me it was basically abuse. I waved it off cause like in my mind my mom had done way worse then that so if the worst wasn't abuse how was this abuse? anyway I'll tell you all the story and see what you all think.

So it started with me and my sister. So me and my little sister are 6 years apart (im the oldest). My mom always forced us to play together even if we had completely different interests cause 'sisters play together'. whatever, we played together. But we'd always get into fights. so my mom came up with a new rule, anytime our arguments got out of hand and disturbed whatever she'd be doing we'd each need to pick a toy out of our separate favourite toy bins and throw them out. She'd make us throw them out while she watched then she'd burry whatever it was at the bottom of the garbage bag and tie off the bag and put it in the garage so we couldn't go dig it out later.

This went on for like 2 years. I was 7 when I remember it starting. it only ended when I was 9 cause I freaked out and in my mind I thought I upset my mom and that's why she stopped.

The last time she did it my sister and I were arguing and she was done with it. but instead of making us choose a toy she took away a huge bin of stuffed animals we had in the basement and said she was throwing the whole thing out that weekend. it was Tuesday. I only remember it was Tuesday cause I cried for three days straight. Only cause my favourite stuffed animal, a unicorn my great aunt gave me before she died, was in the bin.

I begged and cried for three days. three. told my mom I'd clean or do more chores or anything but she wouldn't budge. went to school crying, sat at home crying, even cried in bed cause at that time I slept with that unicorn overnight and now I didn't have it.

finally on Friday my mom randomly comes into my room, gives me the unicorn without a word and she never did the throw out rule again.

I didn't know why she stopped, I just guessed it didn't work how she wanted so she moved on to something new.

But my friend says this is really bad and I didnt' know. Like I genuinely thought this was normal and now im really confused and questioning my whole life???

Let me know what any of you think, I'm really hoping for some outside input here.

do u ever see happy couple or family, or hear talk about it, and then ur instantly reminded u dont have a family, u have a house full of people but none good to turn to, none u can be urself with, ur just lonely, "friends" maybe idk, but there not safe to open up or they probably truly dont give a fuck, and are probably far away from u, and ur not sure who to trust and ur lonely forever, and were in a shitty world even then at least could be spent with nice people, no i dont even have that, im not even interesting person myself, i dont do or know interesting things, and if i dont work be productive my worth just vaporizes away, nobody would want me around if i dont contribute, nobody would care, if they did then there probably got there head in there ass, and im always will be second to someone else anyway

I'm a 16 year old male. I was born into a religious household, where Christianity was the most important thing for us. I won't be going into this exact part so much, but I want to offer some context. I was beaten up a lot since I was a kid. I still remember many of the things they did to me. Say, that time my mother struck me with the sharp side of a metal ruler for rolling on the ground as an 8-10 year old. I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I was just... rolling on a floor. With no one watching. And my clothes got a bit dirty for an event we had that day. I still remember that time she dropped me in an orphanage for eight hours straight after misbehaving in one of my Taekwondo classes... As an 10 year old. I still remember all of it. And how powerless I felt every time.

Since the start, they made me understand very clearly that I did not have control over my mother, neither on myself. If you're wondering where my father is, he "doesn't like to get involved" in those beatings, since then, my mother lashes into him. My mother has a history of mental illnesses (specifically, depression caused by her even sh#ttier mother). There was no fighting back. There was no chance for me to have a say in anything. My mother had the final word over everything. This only laid the groundwork for the things I'm going through now.

As any traditional christian parent, both my mother and father are extremely homophobic, transphobic, and my mother specifically is racist (and excuses herself by saying that she has black friends, but whatever. That's not the point here). As I entered puberty and started finding out who I was, I found myself liking what they deemed "girly" things. Long, fluffy hair (which, they never allowed me to have), the colors pink and red, Touhou project (a videogame saga)... Eventually, my parents suspected that I might be turning gay.

Every day, they would discuss with me. Every day, they would tell me to remove every single "girly" thing I had. I was pretty homophobic myself back then (and I apologize deeply), but I got forced into going through what a huge chunk of the queer community has to go through when coming out as something.

Every day, it was another discussion. A meaningless talk that extended for hours about my parents telling me that I was heading in the wrong path and repeating bible verses. They didn't want to change their minds. They only wanted to change mine.

Let's go to the present day. I... Don't feel well. I feel powerless and weak. I have seen first-hand that my parents would never accept me for who I truly am. I found out something lately. Every time I saw a trans woman, I could feel my blood boil. I found out... that it wasn't because I disliked transgender people. I wanted to be one.

Of course, I can admit it here. I want to be a woman. I want to be pretty, to be loved... And I know that, probably, that'll never happen. People at my school just see me as an autistic kid from which they ask homework when they need some. People exploit the fact that I'm extremely weak emotionally to their favor.

It all happened yesterday. I saw a video in Youtube of a trans woman telling her Highschool experiences with gender dysphoria. They were terrifyingly accurate with the things I was feeling... and I'll admit it. I felt so horrible while watching the video. It felt like being a wild animal in a cage, only able to watch other wild animals roam free and happily wherever they want. I can't do anything. I'm not anyone. I'm simply an insecure 16 year old.

She was able to achieve her goal, and she had other supporting her... why couldn't I...

I feel so isolated from others and myself. I have no one supporting me. No one asks me what I want. What I desire.

I desire to be a woman. and the thing I know about myself is that it's a strong feeling. I'm not making it up.

I just hate feeling like this so much. I hate knowing that, despite any path I choose to take, no one will love me regardless.

Not even my parents. I understand they want the best for me, but... they are the same ones that threatened me to never forgive me and take me out of their will if I ever come out as something. They would rather forgive me for murder than for choosing to be gay. And I'm not coming up with that, my mother told that to me.

I just... want to be a woman.

At the same time, I know I can't.

I feel like I have NO control over my own life.

I'm stuck like this for... who knows how long.

I stopped feeling comfortable with myself a long time ago.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm myself not a suicidal person, but...

I'm here because I need advice. I acknowledge that, maybe, I'm the wrong one, and I'm willing to accept that, if it is true.

Help me out please. My mom told my siblings that my brother is her favourite child and my sister is my dad's favourite child, we are three siblings and I’m the middle child… how am i supposed to feel? My siblings were hiding this from me cause they thought I would get really hurt (which is true). I mean I always suspected it cause my siblings used to get bypass about stuffs which I couldn’t / still can’t do like going out somewhere, going to the gym (literally), staying out late or when I was the only one who was obliged to do chores.

I’m confused cause my parents always said I would be the one to take care of them in future or my mom literally said I am like her “mom” after my grandmother passed away. Not that I want favouritism in my side,I want my parents to love us equally. How am I supposed to feel? It is true I wasn’t that good in school and I didn’t go to abroad for higher studies like my sister due to financial reasons, is that it? But I am trying really hard now… my parents don’t even have to pay for my tuition so how and where am I disappointing them? I’m confused about how to feel about this now that I heard it from my two trusted people.

I can relate to vecna, or henry with the cave, or memories. If I try to think back on my childhood theres a thick wall of darkness. Not so much scared. Or maybe I am. But so much hides behind it

When I look back most of the happy memories that are easily recalled were spent hiding at my second families home, the ?.