Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 33

I've recently been asking myself why -the f*ck- am I so unmotivated? and, quite frankly, it's starting to bug me. I mean, I’m 32, and I feel like I should have it all figured out, yet here I am, stuck in this seemingly endless rut. one thing that always hits me is work. Like, seriously, what’s going on with work nowadays?! Year after year, I've watched as impossible deadlines have consumed my time and energy. It seems that the intensity only increases as I get older. Deadlines??? More like "dead-end lines" if you ask me. The pressure to perform and deliver feels crushing, and to top it all off, there’s this whole AI assistance thing now… It’s like I’ve forgotten how to do my job, and AI is just there to slap me in the face and remind me how inadequate I can feel.

Then there’s the future!!! It’s so uncertain. With AI doing everything these days, where do people like me fit in the grand scheme of things? 🤖 It's hard not to feel overshadowed. I remember when I started working - there was genuine excitement and purpose. But now? All I see are stacks of emails, projects that never seem to truly end, and an endless stream of tasks that just never fail to drain any ounce of enthusiasm I have left. How did we reach a point where human contribution feels diluted? Recently, I read a quote somewhere: "Technology is best when it brings people together." Well, sometimes it feels like technology is best when it sidelines people. 😟

When did AI become the new face of productivity and efficiency? I can’t deny its usefulness, sure, I mean, I’ve saved hours thanks to AI, but I can’t help but to remember a time when people were valued for their skills, not the speed at which they can get things done. I’m not saying I’m against progress, but there’s this nagging feeling that I’m just not cut out for the kind of change that’s happening. Am I wrong to feel this way??? I wonder if anyone else out there feels this looming sense of uncertainty about the future at work…

Sometimes, I think back to when things were simpler. A box of office supplies, a friendly chat with colleagues at the water cooler, and those celebratory Friday afternoons when everyone was excited for the weekend. There was a real sense of camaraderie back then. Nowadays? Everything’s just distant and digital. Is social interaction a thing of the past? 🫰 Maybe it's just one of those slumps that people go through in their lives, I don’t know. But all of this has made me really question not just the future of my career but what fulfillment means to me personally. After all, isn’t it possible that we’re supposed to navigate these transitions and uncertainties with grace and adaptability??? Or maybe, it’s truly time for a career change or a soul-searching sabbatical.

So, here's the deal. I'm 16, and I've got this father who just doesn't get it. He's like this invisible anchor, dragging me down. You know that feeling when you study hard for an exam or practice for hours on the field, and all you want is a simple "good job"? Yeah, that's never happening; not in my house. It's almost like a game for him. Whenever I ace a test or make a fantastic play during a game, he's right there, telling me how I could have done better. Like, "You got 98%? Where's the other 2%?" or "Great goal, but you almost missed it." I mean, come on, does he ever just chill? 🏆

I try to stay positive, keep my head up and all that, but man, it's like he's constantly moving the goalpost. It's like no matter how fast you swim, the other side of the pool just keeps getting farther away. I feel like I'm living in this hyper-competitive video game where the other player is unbeatable because they control the settings. "You can always do better, son," is practically his motto, but where does it end? Ever tried telling someone how you feel, only to have them twist it around until you're the bad guy? That's my dad. It's a psychological basic that unmet validation can lead to self-doubt, and oh boy, do I have a PhD in self-doubt. But does he acknowledge it, even when there are studies backing it up? Like I’m the one with the emotional IQ problem here.

But, you know what? I refuse to play his game forever. I've read tons of stories about people who’ve risen above similar situations. Mind over matter, right? I’ve started keeping a journal where I jot down my accomplishments, the things that I’m proud of; and—believe it or not—it actually helps. It's this odd sort of mental hack, I suppose. Almost like I'm training myself to be resilient, you know? Some say, "This too shall pass," and I’m beginning to believe it. Have you ever felt that little spark of hope that insists things will change? It's like having a secret weapon, and maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to push through. So, tell me, have you ever felt trapped in a cycle that's beyond your control? How'd you break free? Because I’m all ears for stories of hope and resilience.

i’m twenty, in the middle of my university studies, and i still have at least three years before i can even think about finishing. i’ve been with my boyfriend for just two months now, and while things are going well between us, there’s this quiet but constant fear in the back of my mind that won’t go away. we’re not using any kind of contraception, which i know is incredibly irresponsible, but every time i think about bringing it up, i hesitate. it’s not that i think he would react badly — actually, he’s pretty understanding — it’s just that there’s this weird shame and discomfort around the subject for me. maybe i feel like talking about it would break the illusion that we’re just enjoying the moment. but what if enjoying the moment turns into a lifetime responsibility? i think about how a single decision or a single mistake could change everything i’ve planned for. i have goals, i have a future i’m working hard for, and the idea of pregnancy right now feels like it would dismantle all of that. i don’t hate the idea of being a mom someday, not at all, but right now it’s terrifying. do others my age feel this constant weight too?

i try to stay calm and rational, but my anxiety has been building up every time my period is even a day late. i read into every minor symptom — a slight cramp, a bit of nausea, even just being more tired than usual — and my mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario. it's like i become hyper-aware of my body, overanalyzing everything it does. i find myself googling terms like "implantation bleeding" or "early pregnancy signs" in the middle of the night, even when i know it’s just me being paranoid. and yet, i don’t take action. no appointment with a gynecologist, no purchase of emergency contraceptives, not even a pregnancy test unless i'm really panicking. i wonder if this passive approach is some form of denial, like maybe if i don’t confront it directly, it won’t be real. but isn’t that dangerous? am i playing with fire out of fear of confrontation or some illusion of being in control? i know the biological and emotional consequences of an unplanned pregnancy can be massive, and yet i'm stuck in this cycle of fear and inaction. it’s so frustrating to know better and still do nothing. i feel like i'm failing myself somehow. 🫤

there’s also this overwhelming guilt that creeps in when i imagine the scenario actually happening. i picture myself having to tell my parents, explain to them how despite being the "responsible daughter" i always try to be, i let this happen. i picture the awkwardness of facing my professors or delaying my degree. even with my boyfriend, who i do care about, would things survive such a shift? we barely know each other on a deep level. what would co-parenting look like with someone i just met two months ago? we’re still figuring out each other’s boundaries, habits, values. how would we navigate something so life-altering without a solid foundation? and then i wonder — am i overthinking it all, or is it rational to worry this much? am i just another girl with a temporary freak-out, or is this fear justified by how unprepared and exposed i’ve allowed myself to be? i guess i’m writing this because i need to hear from someone who’s been here or is going through the same. how do you manage the fear of pregnancy when you know you’re not doing what you should to prevent it? how do you break the silence and finally take action, even if it’s just starting with a real conversation?

So it's summer and the past few school year i have been really burnt out. I got very little sleep, I could barely get out bed i was often overwhelmed and stressed out and i didn't know what to do. There are so many things I want to do this summer with the base line of wanting to improve myself and get out of burnt out. But i didn't really know how to do that. Still don't tbh. So i tried to put some good habits in my routine (waking up naturaly, no screens untill after breakfast, going to bed at around 23 or so, having breakfast outside. And in the last few days i tried to slowly add a few more like reaching my step count and reading just a few pages before bed. And a i tried 'studying' the pages i've read (highlighting and making notes mostly) just cause, no real big reason just cause i found It interessing and i wanted to. And to be fair, It felt good. I felt really good. But today, i didn't do anything in particular. And i woke up at 5 am feeling restless and anxious and like i couldn't breathe. It's currently June the 24th, 6 am, i can't sleep anymore, i feel like i can't breathe tight, everything feels upsetting and too much even going back to sleep Is too hard, but i don't know what to do about It. It just feels so horrible because I felt like this, this tired, this stuck, this horrible and anxious for years now. During and outside school time. And i was getting excited because I thought that It was finally over that this was finally It and that I was finally making progress but i am not. I'm still waking up like this and crying in the middle of the night and i this feel just as bad and i Just feel so stupid because i don't know what Is wrong with me.

at 49 years old, i've arrived at a rather unceremonious realization: nothing makes me happy. it’s strange because society programs us with a checklist for happiness, doesn’t it? i climbed the corporate ladder, securing a lucrative position as a senior executive that one could only dream of. financial security was supposed to be synonymous with contentment, or so they said. but every payday, every bonus, and every dollar accumulated in my bank account seemed to lose its luster within days. i attended countless seminars and read numerous self-help books yet the existential void within me remained unfilled. when i banked my first six-figure check, i briefly basked in what i assumed was joy. but the novelty of a swollen account balance wore off faster than i care to admit.

I figured maybe i needed something more soulful, like marriage and a family. i received talk after talk about how a loving husband and a couple of kids would complete me; “your own personal cheerleaders in this rat race!” my mother constantly reminded me. dating was a nightmare coated in fake smiles and dreadful first-date questions, which i obliged to endure. against all odds, i did marry. i am married. yet even within the once-romantic confines of what was supposed to be ‘happily ever after', i often feel as though I'm in a partnership devoid of passion and genuine connection. this supposed 'holy grail' of familial bliss feels more like treading water than anything else.

having a home with a white picket fence painted the picture of the quintessential american dream i bought into it: lock, stock, and barrel. talk about a classic case of bait and switch; i found myself obsessing over the curb appeal and interior aesthetics, contemplating if a new sectional in the living room would spark joy. but let me tell you, there is no depth or warmth to hardwood floors that compensates for an empty, echoing house. similarly with cars – the gleaming metal beasts parked strategically in the driveway as status symbols – all nothing more than shiny cages on wheels. behind the tinted windows of my latest luxury car, the road ahead feels as mundane as stepping onto a public transit bus.

are these the metrics by which we should measure our happiness? it is almost cruel how these societal benchmarks – job, marriage, possessions – are willed to us as recipes for happiness, when instead they align more with a cycle of perennial dissatisfaction. why do we perpetuate this fallacy? often, i catch myself longing for the present moment to end as quickly as it began, as if i am perpetually waiting for a revelatory experience that never arrives. “chase after this, achieve this, by forty you’ll be settled,” they said; when in reality, here i am with these supposedly gratifying possessions yet feeling no different than the restless, aspiring 20-year-old who began this relentless pursuit. tell me, what am i missing in this equation? should I try to completely change my job for something that i love? (but no idea... what could I love as a job...)

How are you today? Did you think about me today or no? 5 days ago I received a reply to the anon post I posted few 2 years back.wtf. what is happening and I just read about it yesterday. What are you doing? Tell me? What do u want? You just keep on replying to my post that I idid years before but you never message me wth

you ever just lie in bed and wonder why the hell you're tossing and turning all night??? like seriously, what gives??!! i'm talking about getting tangled in sheets, flipping pillows to the cool side every damn ten minutes, counting every sheep like a math problem gone wrong, but nothing works, right???!! i'm sick of playing this nocturnal game where sleep remains the ultimate prize that seems so far out of reach!!! aren't we all just combatting our own circadian rhythms' betrayal???? i mean, the pineal gland is supposed to secrete melatonin to help us snooze but apparently mine's gone on vacation. you ever consider how cortisol plays into this mess, keeping us wired and wide-eyed when all we want is some peace and damn quiet???? sleep hygiene experts preach about creating an optimal sleep environment, like cool, dark, and quiet settings but what if it's not the physical space that's the problem?? maybe it's the mental clutter or unresolved tension from the day that's keeping us in this nightly rut?! like, who doesn't have a carousel of anxious thoughts spinning in their head the second they hit the sack?!! brain, would you mind giving it a rest for once??!!! why does it feel like you're the lead protagonist in this insomnia-driven drama, directed by the hypothalamus and the overproduction of cortisol?!?! does nobody else wonder why our internal thermostats decide to go haywire and suddenly midnight feels like we're lying on the surface of the sun??? the irony of a sleep number bed in which your only consistent number is zero makes me question why i even bother with these expensive sleep aids??!! we pay for weighted blankets, sound machines, and blackout curtains yet the cogs in our overactive brains still churn like a sleep-deprived hamster wheel!!!!! these sleep disruptions aren't just a mere inconvenience, aren’t they potentially eroding our REM sleep, intricately interlinked with cognitive function and emotional regulation???? why don’t we question how the pituitary gland contributes to this insomniac orchestra, blaring its growth hormones at nocturnal hours when all we crave is silence??? on that note, why does the world consistently underestimate the value of proper restorative rest??? why aren't we prioritizing sleep with the same intensity we allocate to fitness and diet?!! it's like an ongoing battle of trying to tune into a calm brainwave pattern but always ending up with the static noise of random worries!!! do digital devices or blue light villains interfere with our pathetic attempts at counting sheep??!! i'd sacrifice half my social media scrolling time for just five extra minutes of actual, honest-to-god deep sleep, wouldn't you???? sure, caffeine's an antagonist in this thriller story, yet why does your overtired self crave it like the elixir of life the following day?? irony much?! wouldn't you agree that the moment we drift into a slight drowsy state, the daily catastrophe slideshow begins on repeat???? like, why is memory consolidation and dreaming entangled in this storytelling of nonsensical adventures that I’d never embark on willingly???!!! does nobody else ponder how each futile sleep cycle contributes to the endless narrative of frustration and fatigue?!! i'm just baffled by this nightly absurdity, questioning whether it's a cosmic joke played on all sleep-starved souls out there!!! i swear the hippocampus and amygdala have something more sinister planned when i'm left there starring into the abyss of the ceiling at ungodly hours!! you get what i'm saying, right??? the intricate science behind sleep, the circadian rhythm, neurotransmitters, and neuroendocrine pathways are so damn fascinating yet infuriating when you can't find the off switch!!! why aren't we figuring out this enigma that plagues the best of us??! why does sleep feel elusive as ever, a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma??? please tell me, next time you toss and turn, will you join me in this quest for answers?????!!

hey, just needing to clear my head a bit. i'm a 28-year-old guy, and i've been in my first real relationship for a while now. everything's going well, but i can't help wrestling with some insecurities. see, my girlfriend, who's amazing btw, has been in quite a few relationships before me. she's got this whole experience thing going on, and i sometimes feel like i'm playing catch-up. i know she loves me, but these nagging thoughts creep in, whispering stuff like, "what if she misses the excitement of past relationships?" or "are you good enough?" it's like imposter syndrome on steroids, and it's messing with my head. have you ever been in a situation where you felt less experienced than your partner, and how did you handle it? 🤔

i mean, communication is key, right? but every time i think about bringing it up, i'm worried it'll sound whiny or insecure, which obviously it is, but still. 😅 i don't want to push her away with my doubts. it's a vicious cycle, though – the more i tell myself not to worry, the more i actually do. it's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. we all arguably bring baggage into relationships, but what do you do when you know yours might tip the scales? i've tried working on myself, becoming more self-assured, but remnants of insecurity still linger. do you reckon it'll always be this way? or is there a turning point where these thoughts stop showing up uninvited? maybe that's the million-dollar question for anyone in similar shoes. if you've got any insight, sharing would be awesome....

Because of my mom’s boyfriend I might sort of be forced to Canada. I’m 16 now. Because of everything going on it’s made me feel dissociated, anxious, more depressed, and I’ve been getting horrible thoughts again.

My mom’s boyfriend has consumed her life. At first in my other story I thought she was getting lost in the idea of love which I still believe but she also recently told me the abuse and how she’s afraid for her life and our (me and my grandmas) if she leaves.

He has threatened to send people to my home, threatened to hurt my mom, and I heard from my grandma that he held my mom and I think raped her while she was menstruating. Because of the threats and the way it seems that my mom isn’t really making an effort to leave him since today I found out she had gotten a freshly new tattoo of his name, Luis Garcia, on the middle of her chest in big bold letters. But besides that because of everything, my grandma wants to take me out to Canada with her but they’re gonna close the borders once I’m over there (it’s what she said) and I’d have to be over there for a few months but if that were to happen that means I’d lose my therapy since if I don’t show up for months or I don’t show up to a lot of schedule appointments they’re gonna pull me out of therapy and I’d have to get a new therapist all over again. This is my 3rd therapist.

I have an option to live with my aunt but I don’t think it would be possible because a lot of responsibility is being put onto my aunt like keeping care of all of my grandmas plants and animals while my grandma is in Canada.. and I don’t want to be a burden but I’m so tired of holding of everything in and if I lose my therapist I won’t have anyone because this family is full of “you don’t need therapy”, “you’re not depressed”, “you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you need a brain scan to tell that”, etc.

If I go to Canada I’ll have no therapy and I’ll lose my therapy because they’ll send the discharge papers, most likely no privacy and I’d be forced to sleep with my grandma and I’d probably be living with my uncles wife that doesn’t speak English and her daughter is extremely clingy and would probably beg me to play with her which I really don’t want because I enjoy my privacy and I enjoy my alone time like I’m sure plenty of others do, I’m not close with my uncle and I’d be embarrassing if I have to ask him to buy me pads since he’d be the only one working (I think?).

And I don’t even have much time to think of any of this because 1 - I was already told to start packing up. 2 - My uncle is gonna come soon before the borders close so I HAVE to go IF my dad signs the consent form for me to leave Rochester and to Canada (my mom and dad have part custody).

I don’t know what to do, I’m overwhelmed and I feel like I have no choice in any of this. It’s like they expect me to be strong but I’m only 16, FRESHLY 16. I haven’t been 16 for over a month yet. I’m so tired of feeling alone because I know how much language barriers there’s gonna be with everyone speaking Spanish and I have selective mutism (I’m Puerto Rican and I do understand Spanish but to a certain extent since no one really taught me Spanish or spoke Spanish to me). If I lose therapy I’m gonna lose all the help I have.

i’m 19 and i feel like i missed the damn memo on how to love someone. everyone around me is falling in love like it’s some biological reflex—like breathing, like blinking. my friends talk about “butterflies” and “sparks” and that shit just sounds made up. i’ve tried dating, i’ve tried hooking up, i’ve even tried just feeling something when someone looks at me a certain way. but nope. nothing. i’m like emotionally flatlined. am i broken? it’s not like i hate people, i just don’t know what it means to love them. it’s frustrating as hell watching others get so swept up in emotions i can’t even relate to. like, how do you know you love someone? what does it even f***ing feel like? 🤷‍♀️

my friends get all soft over someone texting them “good night” and meanwhile i’m sitting there dissecting the tone and spacing like it’s a damn forensic report. they say love is about connection, chemistry, timing—okay cool, but that’s not a goddamn tutorial. no one tells you how to actually get there. do i fake it until it happens? do i keep swiping through people like i’m scrolling for answers? and don’t tell me “you’ll just know” because that’s useless. i want to feel things, but i can’t manufacture that shit. and then you wonder if it’s asexuality, aromanticism, some kind of emotional dysfunction—but none of it feels like the right diagnosis. i crave something i don’t even understand, something i’ve never had; something maybe i’m not built for.

what if i’m just a highly logical person whose emotional receptors are set to factory default? i analyze behavior, assess compatibility, evaluate risk like a f***ing machine. my brain’s running algorithms and everyone else is writing poetry. i’m sick of pretending like i get it. i want to scream when people say “you’ll find the one” like it’s inevitable. what if i don’t? what if i’m fundamentally incompatible with love? am i supposed to just keep watching everyone else play house while i sit in the audience? 🫠 i want to love, i want to feel, but i can’t fake intimacy, i can’t invent desire; i don’t even know what i’m missing. so yeah—how the hell do you love someone?

it's sometimes a curious thing how life plays out, isn't it? i've been around the sun 29 times, not claiming to have all the wisdom but perhaps just enough to understand the ebbs and flows of life. i was sitting down the other day, lost in thought, pondering over everything life has thrown my way. i find myself marvelling at how steady everything seems, how serene. and it hits me, like one of those 'aha' moments that people often talk about. all these feelings i have now, this tranquillity, it's largely because of him, my husband. he's kind of like the unsung hero in the movie of my life, always working behind the scenes to make sure everything falls into place and runs smoothly.

you see, there are days when i feel like i'm floundering, grasping at whatever stability i can find. yet there's always this unyielding anchor - that's him. maybe he's not perfect, but who is, right? there's this balance we have, like a well-rehearsed symphony. when i falter, he's the one holding the metronome, ensuring everything stays in rhythm. maybe you're wondering why i bother sharing all this syrupy stuff. but you know, every so often, one just feels the need to let some sunshine out, you understand what i mean? isn't it just nice when the little cogs in our universe align for a bit? i'm not saying i'm leaning on him like a crutch, but rather, it's a partnership that just works like two puzzle pieces clicking into place.

there's this funny thing about the mundane routine that we fall into, you know what i'm talking about? laundry, dishes, bills, the daily grind. on paper, it sounds tedious but in reality, it feels somewhat bearable - dare i say enjoyable - when shared. splitting the chores, which honestly sound like an endless project management task sometimes, becomes second nature with him. we don't need to draw up a Gantt chart to know who's doing what; we just know. even when i find myself buried under a pile of responsibilities, whether it's work-related or just life's curveballs, he's there with that ever-reliable presence. no fuss, no frills, just simple, genuine support. it amazes me sometimes, the depth of such reliability.

so, as trite as this might sound, i just wanted to put it out there. thank you, sincerely, genuinely, whole-heartedly. it's not every day one stops and acknowledges the small but significant acts of kindness and reliability woven into the fabric of their lives. i mean, don't you think it's important to just stop and have a moment of clarity and gratitude every now and then? our stories and experiences are our own but shared experiences like these - sharing the load, the chores, the routine - are what fortify the bonds we build. in this intricate web of everyday life, having someone like him fills the gaps with a warmth that, at least to me, feels incredibly profound. 😊

What the hell is happening in my own house?? I used to think I had it together—career, family, routine. But lately, I wake up already exhausted, and it’s not because of work or age. It’s these damn teenage kids!!! Every day is a damn psychological battle!!! Mood swings, slammed doors, sarcastic answers, zero respect for boundaries!!! And don’t get me started on screen time—why the hell am I always the bad guy for setting limits??? I try to keep calm, but my voice always ends up shaking, like my whole system’s on overload. Hormones?? Sure. But what about mine?? Am I supposed to just keep absorbing the chaos until I crack?? Is that the plan?? Because it sure feels like it.

Even basic things like dinner or chores turn into full-blown negotiations!!! I’m not their damn project manager!!! I ask for plates to be cleared, and somehow I’m triggering a “mental health episode”??? I didn’t sign up for emotional hostage situations every evening!!! And don’t give me that “gentle parenting” crap—I’m not trying to be their friend, I’m trying to keep the household running without going clinically insane!!! Do they see what they’re doing??? Or am I the only one who’s drowning in this mess??? I walk into their rooms and it smells like puberty and rebellion had a baby. I’m not even trying to fix them anymore. I’m just trying not to lose myself in the process.

So yeah, I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll snap and not come back from it. I have intrusive thoughts I don’t want. I hear my own voice and don’t recognize it. Ever feel that?? Like you’re watching yourself spiral but still expected to drive carpool and make dentist appointments??? I go through the motions like a damn automaton, but inside, I’m questioning my own stability every five minutes!!! Is this what it looks like before you lose your mind??? Or am I already halfway there??!! I don’t need a diagnosis or sympathy. I just needed to write this out before I scream at a wall or throw my phone at something. Maybe someone out there gets it. Maybe not. Doesn’t matter.

This is where it began, I guess.

So I was classmates with this one guy (calling him EC) back when I was in grade 2 and we were really good friends back then, though over time our friendship wasn't as tight as before. Honestly, I get why it wasn't. We couldn't meet as much due to us being put in different sections.

Anyway, fast forward to the point where I was grade 6.

Still was in the same school but made more friends, and I was the "smartest" (I'll rant about that some other time) in my class. Tried running for class president because the teachers convinced me to, but I lost the election for it. "It's fine," I thought to myself. And to be fair, the person that won the election (calling him BA) deserved that spot. Really nice and kind to anyone he could see.

Minded my business for the most part after that, except when my classmates asked for help on how to do some homework or clarify instructions the teachers gave (which I gladly did for them). Surprisingly, BA was one of those people, and kept asking me frequently. Couldn't refuse, so I just sucked it up and offered a hand. Over time though, I started to like him. I don't know why. I just did.

Near the end of the school year, our homeroom teacher asked what we were gonna do after graduating. BA then started talking about going abroad with his close friends to me. I asked who was going with him, and he said EC and a couple others who I don't know.

BA and I got into the same all-boys high school for grade 7, but got put in different sections. Didn't bother us both, though. We'd meet somewhere inside the library and he'd keep asking for help. To be honest, that school year was too boring without him by my side. What I didn't tell him however (and still haven't told him) was that I'd be transferring to another school for grade 8, so he still thinks I'll be by his side. I tried convincing my parents to let me stay, primarily because I want to still be with him, but I can't get them to budge.

Up until then, I still didn't tell him or anyone that I like him. I want to ask him out someday, but I can't. First, I don't know if he's just as interested in me as I am to him. Second, the students in this high school dislike the idea of dating the same sex. Most of the students there openly make homophobic remarks and shame others outside school and I don't want him to be treated like that. Third, I don't think we can work a long-distance relationship if he does like me back, and I don't think he'll drop everything to be with me cuz all his friends, especially EC, are still in that high school.

Grade 8 is about to start soon. I have his DM's but I don't know what to tell him. I don't know what to do.

Sorry if my rant was too long, please drink enough water, get enough sleep, and bye!❤️

I am unsure how to begin but I guess it’s something that has been staying inside for a while now and I need to let it out??? I am 32 years old, male, and in a situation where things are not as I would prefer them to be; not terrible or tragic or chaotic — just not what I expected, not fulfilling, not truly aligned with what I believed life would look like at this point. I go to work, I come home, I eat, I sleep, and then I repeat, and while the routine itself is not harmful or unhealthy or anything, it lacks warmth, it lacks color, it lacks anything that feels meaningful!!! Is that what growing up is about??? Being stable but entirely emotionally neutral??? Because if it is, I’m not happy!!!

My days feel long but the weeks fly by — isn’t that odd??? I sit at my desk, handle all my responsibilities, stay polite with coworkers, I answer calls, I go to meetings, I complete my tasks in time, and then I go home, and when I get there, it’s not like anything is waiting for me. It’s not depressing, it’s just flat. I don’t hate my life, but I certainly don’t love it either. There is no one waiting at home to talk to me, and I do not have the energy to reach out to others — not because I don’t care, but because I just don’t know what I would even say. “Hi, how are you?” seems fake. “Can we talk?” seems too much. I cook dinner, or I order something when I’m too tired, and I sit alone while I eat and scroll on my phone, but I don't even care what I’m looking at??? Why do we do this???

Weekends are the strangest part of it all. People look forward to them, don’t they??? Two days to do what you want — but what is it I even want anymore??? I used to go on hikes or meet with friends, but now everyone is busy or married or away or just not in that headspace. I clean my apartment, I do laundry, I water my plants — yes, I have plants, and they’re still alive somehow, which makes me feel like I’m doing okay, at least at the bare minimum. Sometimes I try new recipes or reorganize my shelves just to make the hours pass faster. It’s like I’m filling time with filler tasks, not because I want to but because I don’t want to sit still and think too much. But is that living??? Or just not dying???

I understand this all probably sounds dramatic but I assure you I am just being honest. I’m not sad. I’m not angry. I’m not even really anxious, which surprises me. I just... feel muted. And I think there must be other people out there who feel the same and maybe they also don’t talk about it much??? Maybe they’re sitting in their living rooms wondering what the point is, and wondering if they should be grateful for the peace or resentful for the emptiness. I’m not asking for sympathy — just wondering out loud, typing it here, hoping someone might read this and nod and say “yeah, same.” That would be enough for me!!! Just knowing someone out there understands, without needing to fix it or change it or judge it.

Still, I try to look ahead. I make lists of things to do that I might enjoy. I signed up for a language course — maybe learning something new will help, maybe meeting people through that will shift something. I even started jogging again last week, and my legs hated it but I kind of liked the effort, the movement, the sweat. It reminded me I’m still in there somewhere, still alive. I think hope doesn’t always come from big dreams or sudden joy, sometimes it’s just the choice to keep trying, even when it feels pointless; I’ll keep showing up, doing small things, adjusting when I can, and maybe eventually, things will feel lighter. Maybe that’s the point??? Not to feel amazing all the time, but just to keep moving until something clicks. Are you also not happy??? Maybe we’re not alone in this.

So like, my ex has been acting weird lately and I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or if he’s lowkey trying to come back. We broke up three months ago, wasn’t even that messy but we both kinda agreed it wasn’t working. But now he’s liking my posts again, watching all my stories the second I post them, and even replied “lol” to one like bro what’s funny? He NEVER used to watch my stories before unless I made him. And suddenly he cares now? Idk if it’s guilt or he’s being nosy or if he actually misses me. One of my friends said he asked if I’m seeing anyone now and I’m like—why the hell would he care? We not together anymore, you don’t get to ask those questions.

Then this one time, I was walking by his group at school and he literally went silent, stared, and did that half-smile like he didn’t know if he should say hi. Didn’t say shit though. I’m not saying he’s obsessed or anything but if you don’t want to talk, then don’t stare. Just turn around or keep walking. Like stop being a coward. Another day, he texted me “hey” out of nowhere at midnight. I didn’t reply. What was I supposed to say? Hey back and pretend like nothing happened? He dumped me because he said he “needed space” and now he’s crawling back with one dumb word? Get the f*ck outta here with that. Boys are so confusing, they want you until they have you, then when they don’t, they suddenly remember how good they had it.

I swear, it’s giving “I miss you but I’m too scared to say it.” But then again, I could just be imagining all this and he’s just bored or playing around. Maybe he wants attention, maybe he regrets stuff, maybe he just likes messing with my head. I don’t even know what I’d do if he said he wanted to get back together. Part of me would wanna slap him and the other part would probably melt; and yeah I know that sounds pathetic but whatever. At the end of the day I’m human. Do I still have feelings for him? Not really, but also maybe a little bit. Sometimes I do miss the way things were when it was good. Not the drama though. Never that again.

Anyway, what do y’all think? Are those signs or am I just being dumb? Would you say anything if your ex started acting like that? I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure him out. Should I just ignore it and move on or call him out and be like “wtf do you want?” I don’t need games, I just want peace. If he’s trying to get back together, he needs to say it with his chest. I’m not gonna sit here and guess feelings like I’m on some reality TV show. I just hate this limbo sh*t. Tell me what’s up or go away. Simple.