Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 33

I used to think hard work and performance actually meant something, but now? I give up. Every day at my job, it’s less about who does the best work and more about who checks the right boxes. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m just showing up, doing my best, and watching people get ahead for reasons that have nothing to do with skill or effort. At first, I tried to ignore it. I thought, Okay, just focus on your own progress, keep your head down, and things will even out. But they don’t. Instead of real career development, all we get is more “woke” initiatives, endless diversity trainings, and company-wide emails patting themselves on the back for promoting people based on identity instead of talent. Don’t get me wrong—I believe in fairness, equal chances, all that. But that’s not what this is. It’s not about fairness; it’s about looking good on paper. I’ve watched coworkers bust their ass for years, only to get passed over for someone less experienced because “we need more representation in leadership.” It’s like performance doesn’t matter anymore—just optics. And it’s exhausting pretending it doesn’t get to me.

I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, but lately, I’m asking myself why? If the promotions, raises, and recognition are going to people based on factors completely outside of their work, then what’s the point? Every meeting feels like another round of performative nonsense. We can’t even talk about improving sales or efficiency without someone throwing in a forced social angle, as if productivity is suddenly a dirty word. And don’t even get me started on the “optional” events that aren’t really optional—if you don’t attend the latest DEI seminar or pride workshop, you’re suddenly not a “team player.” Meanwhile, the actual job we’re here to do keeps getting harder, expectations keep rising, and the only thing that isn’t improving is the people actually running things. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this new version of the workplace, but at this point, I don’t care anymore. I’ve seen what gets rewarded and what doesn’t, and it’s clear that playing fair isn’t the way to win. So yeah—I give up. Not because I can’t keep up, but because I’m tired of pretending this system makes any sense.

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and in like the last year, I've had feelings of regret more often. We have pur good moments and bad like normal relationships. But when we fight or have a disagreement and he's upset, for some topics I just can't understand his perspective. I understand being upset that's perfectly okay but it gets dragged out and I end up feeling dead inside. I can't help but think that I wouldn't have to go through this if I was single. But I can't exactly break up with him because he is a good person and he loves me a lot. I just can't shake off the regret feeling. I don't know if I'm overthinking and I should just ignore the feeling or bury it

I'm just genuinely sick of everything

I'm in love. I'm a queer nonbinary teen and I have been in several relationships but none have felt like this. I'm in a group home currently and so is she. We can't talk anymore because she moved schools and we can't add each other to our call lists. We broke up due to her moving schools and it hurts so bad. I know people say I'm too young to be in love but they're wrong. It hurts so bad.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately, but every time the words am I gay cross my mind, I push them away, like if I don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. Except it doesn’t. I’m 32 years old, and I feel like I should have figured this out by now. But here I am, sitting in my apartment after another long day at work, replaying every moment in my life that’s ever made me question myself. I mean, I’ve always liked women—or at least, I thought I did. I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve been in love, and I’ve genuinely been attracted to women. But then why does this other side of me exist? The side that wonders why I sometimes feel something different when I look at a guy. The side that gets this weird flutter in my stomac when a certain type of guy walks by or when I watch a movie and find myself paying way too much attention to the male lead instead of the actress everyone else is drooling over. I tell myself it’s nothing, just admiration, but at some point, admiration starts feeling a lot like attraction.

It’s not like I’ve never questioned it before. There were moments, little things throughout my life that should’ve made me stop and think. Like that time in college when my friend put his arm around me, and it sent this unexpected rush through me. Or the way I felt weirdly nervous around a certain guy I worked with a few years ago, even though I told myself I just thought he was cool. But I never let myself go further than that. I never really explored it because I didn’t need to, right? I was dating women, and I liked them, so that meant I was straight. Case closed. Except, now, after years of ignoring it, it’s like my brain won’t let it go anymore. It’s not just a passing thought that I can laugh off or push aside—it’s sticking with me, making me wonder if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. What if I never questioned it before because I never gave myself the space to? Wat if I’ve been so caught up in doing what’s expected, in playing the part, that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually want?

The scary part is, I don’t even know where to go from here. How do you figure this out when you’ve already built a life on the assumption that you’re straight? Do I just start dating guys? Do I tell someone? And if I do, what if I’m wrong? What if this is just some passing phase or overthinking spiral, and I make a huge deal out of something that doesn’t even need to be a deal at all? I wish there was some test, some clear-cut answer that would just tell me, yes, you are gay or no, you’re just overanalyzing everything. But there’s not. And that’s what makes this so confusing. Maybe I’m bi, maybe I’m just figuring myself out late, or maybe I’m reading into things too much. All I know is, I can’t keep pushing it away. I don’t want to look back 10 years from now and wonder what would’ve happened if I’d been brave enough to actually face this. Maybe the real question isn’t am I gay, but what happens if I let myself find out?

Im sometimes tired of school that my parents always compare my excellence to other people im rlly tired of this

okayy so I was preparing for this competitive exam , JEE. yesterday the results were announced right. and its fine. i got what i expected. it wasnt an extraordinary result but i was prepared for this. or so i thought. yk i really thought nothing would bother me, cause i honestly didnt give a fuck about this. so it was fine ,i talked to some friends as well. and the i looked at someone's story. he posted hi result cause it was quite nice. what took me by shock was that this guy, and i swear he's the worst person i've met in my entire life, this complete idiot who i didnt even know was appearing for this exam scored way better than me? when i gave about two years to this, and he...actually i dont know if we was preparing for this but he probably was.....but how COULD HE EVER SCORE BETTER THAN ME? anyonessssssss's result i can believe , but this guy? nooooo wayyyyy. my chest started to hurt, it was that bad. AND bdw we sorta dated a few years back it was an on and off thing, really messed up but the one thing i had an upper hand in was this! studying scoring good blah blah blah being smart in general yk? and this guy was your typical school dumb playboy who was extraordinarily ,well an idiot. THIS IS NOT FAIR. i almost dont believe his result. i have been thinking maybe he cheated or edited his result or something but idk. he seems to lazy for that kinda effort. anyways this is definitely not me being a bitch and thinking that people cannot have an academic comeback. no this is really not that. i strongly believe anyone can score good in any exam with enough effort, BUT this person attended every concert in our state , he was always out , he was always wasting his time like hell, ad tbh he realllyyy wasnt someone who could pull this off. and bdw total loser and cheater , in life and as a bf. but thats besides the point. well if he really put in the effort than, props to him ig? but i made me go into a spiral. i have not been this unhappy in a long time i hae not felt such immense hatred for anyone, and my god i could just...idk. i am trying to deal with this and i am telling myself i can always do better in my umcoming tests, but this has made me question everything? am i so dumb that i couldnt eeven ace a test that a random below avg student aced without even trying? IDK man . idk.

Am I polysexual? Still figuring it out... Living in a collocation with five other people has definitely made me question a lot about myself, especially when it comes to attraction. Before moving in, I thought I had it all figured out: boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, end of story, right? But then I started realizing that my feelings weren’t always that simple. One of my roommates, a girl, made my heart race just as much as this guy I met at a party last week. And then there’s another roommate, non-binary, who I just click with in a way I can’t even explain. It got me thinking… maybe I’m not just into guys, but also not fully pan? I started looking into it, and that’s when I found the term polysexual... attracted to multiple genders, but not necessarily all. And honestly? It feels like the closest thing to what I’ve been experiencing.

But figuring this out hasn’t been easy. It’s weird, because I feel like I should have known myself by now, but every time I try to label it, my brain goes into overdrive. What if I’m just confused? What if it’s just a phase? But then again, what if it’s not? I’ve been scared to even bring it up with my friends because I don’t want them to think I’m making it up or looking for attention. I know sexuality isn’t something you have to define perfectly, but I also want to understand myself better. Right now, all I know is that I feel something real, and maybe being polysexual is part of who I am. I’m still figuring it out, but for once, I don’t feel like I have to rush to have all the answers.

I listended to this song called Mind Of Mine by Lo Spirit and It made me cry because the lyrics are so deep and I can relate to them I just wish someone would hold me and say it's ok I am here for you

I’ve moved all my life never in one house for long due to one parent. So I’ve never made relationships, either friend or love. Every time I do a few week later I move again. This parent always asked, “No girlfriend yet”, “Why don’t you go out with friends” and other of the sort. My answers were always “No” and “They are online”. I started online school a year or two before Covid as I was going to help take care of a family member but they never moved in, and with my constant move I decided to stay online, Covid didn’t help and I never had a high school life, prom or any of that. I did college for a year online as well but that’s because of something else in a bit.

This parent suggested maybe I join the military, so I did, I enlisted in the Army. I spent a year and some change months clearing my medical and prepping. A few months before I was cleared I met my first and only girlfriend through a milsim we were part of. That’s again, for later. But I signed my life away as a 68W Combat Medical Specialist with a 4k bonus and was extremely lucky to choose a first duty station. South Korea, I never made it but woulda been great. So I ship to FT Sill OK for BCT and train. I made it a few weeks before my legs gave and I couldn’t stand. I went to the medical center and doctors and after a battery of tests and imaging, I stress fractured nearly every bone from my hips (inside and outer) to my feet, grade 1-4, I also ripped many of my muscles in my legs, and had something called Rhabdo-Myolosis. On top of that I was diagnosed with Osteoporosis and told I was of no use to the Army. I was placed on confinement to quarters for 72 hours twice while they were doing all the testing spanning to weeks. Terrible, I couldn’t lay on the bed so I sat on the concrete floor, cold, for hours and hours only able to go outside for meals. Watching my battle buddy’s come in for brief time trying to get info from them. What are you doing? It’s it tough? How are you? But it was in vein. White walls hum of the ac, occasional drill coming into to check lockers and throw something. Before I was discharged I was placed in a medical hold unit, C95 Adj Battalion. Basically for people really hurt and can’t stay at their training battery. I would say this was the start of my decent into depression and honestly lunacy. It was only 50 days in there but they were ever long. White brick walls, no windows, in crutches and medical boots like my 72 hour holds, A tv that was always off because of punishment. It was a prison, insane asylum and hospital in one room. Phone maybe 2 times a week but never enough to tell my family what’s happening. On call of hey I’m doing great I’m feeling strong, then I basically shattered my legs and I don’t know what’s happening, to finally, I’m useless and I will never be the same again. I went mad there, I’m not okay now either, I can’t be closed in, I need to see outside, and the bricks, ohh the bricks. If I ever see them I absolutely lose it inside. That was it, from I’m going to be a soldier and prove I’m worthy and have amazing dad lore for her and our future kids to, dang, I’ve lost my dream job. But I was going home to my partner.

My partner and I, met on a milsim for a game. We were extreme long distance being across the ocean but we made it work. It started 3 months before I shipped to BCT. And she stayed all through my training. I thought a few times I’d get Dear John’d but I was lucky. Nope. 2 weeks after I got home she got shallow, and we never played a game together even though that’s literally how we met and played daily before I left. So on the end of week 3 I said I k ow you want this to end. Just tell me so I hear it from you. She admitted she wanted it to end and in short I agreed to her leaving. She said she will stay till I get my help from the VA. I said no, I don’t want to force you to stay, and it would take years. That was it. 7 months gone. I really felt I lost it all then. My core dreams. I had my dream career, health and woman. Then in 3 months all was gone.

A few months later the same week I had plans to visit her country and her, I had to put my dog down. I was done at that point. Everything I had.

I continued seeing mental health services at the VA and long story short I was put in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. I met someone there and decided to give each other a chance. I had my first date ever, and had my first kiss ever. Finally feeling the human connection I had craved for years. But I shoulda known better. Nothing works for me. That night I cried tears of joy, someone cares about me again, the physicality of humanity is perfect, she cried to, but cause she still loved her ex. Told me a few days later. And after many talks, I found, she used me, the pictures we took, the date, everything was to get him to talk to her again. I said I can’t continue talking to you after that. I may crave that connection more now but not at the cost of fighting another guy for someone and being used to get to him. Just. No.

So now I’m back at square one. Alone. I don’t have a job because my health limits work and no one will hire with my conditions. Back to being online and trying to make it through the day.

I've never been able to understand myself or truly understand others. I've never managed to form a real attachment to someone without feeling like I'm lying to myself, and it's the same with my parents and friends. On top of that, I feel completely empty all the time. I can't even physically cry anymore—I feel hollow, like there's no solution. Yet, I've been seeing a psychologist for three years, as well as a child psychiatrist. I'm only 15, but honestly, I can't see myself making it to 25.

[Translated from French as IIWIARS is English only]

I’m still annoyed with my aunt and uncle from last summer. We went out on a patio to catch up and my uncle rudely took my dog without asking my permission and proceeded to walk my dog in a busy parking lot. Who does that?! I was panicked and fearful for my dog’s life and yet I didn’t do anything. So, yes, I’m mad at myself for not having done anything at the moment. Then, later, I found out that my aunt had asked my mom if I had any friends. This blew my mind and I felt like a huge boundary had been crossed with my uncle taking my dog away from me, having my personality been labelled by my uncle, and then judged again by my aunt. It was too much! I spoke up to both of them with how I didn’t like any of it but never got a true, sincere apology. Now, I just plan to avoid them from now on.

I have been born and raised in a pretty religious family, and I always had a good relationship with god but for the past few years ( since 2023 ) it has been so rough.

At first it was okay, I was upset but I still believed that god would help me or guide me but as days passed by I saw that my family and I just constantly went under extreme horrible bad luck and bad luck. People tend to say whatever god does, does it for the betterment for you but what is this? How can we believe that god will save us when it feels like he doesn’t even listen. It’s upsetting to see honest people suffer while selfish people thrive and people say that we shouldn’t say anything as god will punish them after death.

There is this pretty important thing coming up for my religion but honestly I’m not even excited, for the first time in my entire life I’m having second thoughts about whether or not I should perform it.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe god exists and I do want to fix my relationship with my religion but sometimes just sometimes, I just tend to think that it is all so pointless.

( sorry for the confusing rant lol, I just wanted to vent )

He was my first love. I loved him. But he didn't love me back. I was always there for him, if he needed me. Always there. Always. Yet he abandoned me. It Ruined me. I can't love anyone, the way i loved him.

Heyah!

This story isn't my own. It's from one of my teachers. And no names are included.

Dude was my Math teacher(HS). I was always curious about my teachers lives... So they shared.

At the time... I wanted to be a wedding planner. So, I asked a lot of my teachers about their weddings or their romantic relationships.

I was sorta the goodie-two-shoes. So they shared with me.

Back to my math teacher... He shared that he God super drunk on his wedding. And he bought a fake cake... Which I can understand for budget reasons, but at least get the top of the cake for the 1 year anniversary😭!! Dude didn't🫠. He bought Costco's sheet cake. Again, nothing wrong with that. I just personally think the getting drunk on one's own wedding isn't very smart.

The next story is if my ASL teacher. She was dating a dude for 7 years, then the dude cheated on her. She was very sweet... Albeit pretty shy... But cheating shouldn't be happening😑. Regardless of any excuses... Talk to your partner. Get therapy. Talk to some friends, family, even strangers can help give advice. Also, if dude had feelings for someone else, but still loved my ASL teacher... Is that really love? What is love? Dating for 7 years, you'd think all your opinions, beliefs, and expectations would align at some point.

Same goes for one of my therapists... Girly dated this dude for 5 years, no ring, and a cheater. My therapist said that she used to be a "plain Jane" but started eating healthier, taking care of herself, and simply enjoying her life more than she was before. She'd get dolled up and spend time with her SO. And the shitty part is that after a vacation to I think it was some sorta islandy area... Greece or Italy I think... Dude broke up with her after finding someone he liked better. My therapist at the time said the girl looked like how she used to be... "Plane Jane". Nothing wrong with a plain Jane... But come on, break up before the cheating. And due was cheating on my therapist for 3 years🫠. Sad ain't it🥴. By the way... This relates to school cause she was my HS therapist😅.