Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 35

I just turned 18 and graduated high school last year and if I'm being honest about everything, I genuinely cannot see myself passing the age of 20. I still feel like I'm 12 years old about to start high school, I genuinely have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends; the ones I do have live in different states and are with their significant others, which is something I don't have. I feel like a burden for my family and they all have jobs and expect me to get one or start doing something with my life.

What can I do to change the way I feel?

T.L.D.R. Hallucinations, inability to control certain parts of myself, extreme mood swings, SI/HI, and noone around me that would believe me or that I can trust to help me

I’m starting to get genuinely scared. My hallucinations (auditory+tactile) have been getting worse and clearer each day, and I can’t tell anyone about it. I have tried to set up appointments with a psychiatrist but I can’t set it up by myself. I can’t get my parents to help because they think I’m faking or over exaggerating or making excuses any time I try to talk about my mental health. Granted I can’t entirely know unless I actually tell them, but every time I bring up things that have been active road blocks, I get invalidated. Last time I told my dad it felt like he was invalidating me, he said he acknowledged I was struggling then just told me to suck it up again rather than, idk, actually caring ab it I guess? I try to tell him I can’t do certain things and he always, ALWAYS says I am victimizing myself and to stop saying I can’t, he doesn’t listen to me when I try to tell him. I use wording like “I can’t” for things to convey that it is not an active decision I am making, and all attempts to not be taken along for the ride have failed. I try and try to do things like keep up with basic hygiene, I set reminders, put it in my way, try to follow a schedule, and without fail after a couple of days everything falls apart. I’ve tried to explain that I lack a certain level of control over myself and body, I’ve literally talked about the meltdowns and full on crying I have had due to my inability to do certain things that I want to. My parents don’t know this and I don’t have the heart to tell them, but I have sometimes had such a strong mental block stopping me from getting out of bed that I have SH’ed due to it. I have such a lack of self esteem and such a large hatred for myself because I can’t fix my life and the people closest to me won’t listen when I try to convey that, and instead just think I’m not putting enough effort in. The craziest part is that my dad has been able to relate to me with things before, yet doesn’t seem to understand the extent of my problems, or can’t accept that I could have it worse. Plus there’s him just brushing my mood swings off as hormones. I know that hormones are a thing that can cause mood swings but for one, I’m almost 19 and I also don’t think hormones cause such extreme mood swings that I bounce from full on euphoria to complete depression with SI. I just don’t feel like I’m ever taken seriously by the people that I really want to. I wonder if it is because I’ve been able to hold a job since I graduated? Then there’s my issue with social anxiety, which I tried for the longest time as a kid to tell my parents that I had and instead what I heard wad that I didn’t and then was told of how bad my step mom had it and yet again invalidated. Another thing is that I genuinely feel like the only difference between me and someone that people would consider “insane” is that I haven’t acted out on anything. I have very frequent intrusive thoughts and HI, and while I would like to say that I know I won’t go through with anything, it’s another part of why I’m scared, because I’m not sure. I think about killing certain people and play through different scenarios in my head and I’ve realised that yes I would feel guilty because I took another person’s life away, but I wouldn’t feel remorseful or “care” necessarily. I genuinely need help but don’t really have anyone around me I can trust to talk about this stuff and actually get me the help I so desperately need.

For context, I am a 7th grade student, just adding this because it adds more depth to the story. In class today, my friend told me when I bent over to see what my friend was doing on her desk which was right next to mine, my friend told me (who was near by my desk and Joeys) a boy behind me (Joey) was staring at me; in the wrong places. I sat back down after my friend said that, kinda disturbed but was paranoid if it really did happen. I stood up again, and did it again just to test the waters which was obviously a bad idea. I think I caught him staring, but I’m not exactly sure. I’m not exactly an attractive girl and this boy is innocent and really stupid (there’s clearly girls in that class which was more attractive than me) which leaves me to doubt what that he did it. You know that thing where you kneel on your chair? My female friend next to me did it and I think he stared again.

It made me feel uncomfortable, but for some reason seriously doubt he did it, am I paranoid?

We started as teenage lovers, got teenage children now, was able to get a permanent job where he was not able to finish highschool. Loaned about 17k and now my salary is only $122 a month, while the bills amounts $140...so the bills was compromised to provide food on the table. Now the mortgage is now 3 months unpaid, calls from the collectors has been ringing, incoming school year is fast approaching, money is badly needed for tuition, uniform and school supplies...it felt like it is gripping me from thinking so much... I'm so pathetic for staying, even marrying him when he can't provide anything. I'm so tired of pushing him to get a job when it ends up fighting and shouting...

I gave birth in January to my first child on the 8th via c section, was not my first choice but I stopped dilating and needed to have emergency c section. Going home I felt on top of the world, my daughter was absolutely perfect and I had my whole family's support including my husbands side too. My mom was moving in with us this week too to come help out with the baby for the first few months. Well this emotional high that I was on quickly crumbled, at 5am 7 days after the birth I saw my mother die of a heart attack / stroke I really dont know I never got a answer from the emts and the death certificate said she died of natural causes. What I witnessed changed me, I had just got out the shower and my husband and newborn were asleep. I got out the bathroom and heard noise from downstairs and it sounded like my mom was struggling to breathe so I ran down as fast as my freshly cut body would let me and by the time I got down there she was beginning to panic and gasp for air. I was trying to keep composure and listen to her ask for her inhaler while also getting my phone to call the ambulance. I went back upstairs to get my husband i remember doing this twice but not how much time was in between. I was terrified, panicking and crying, the call lasted a life time to me the woman on the other end did not seem to understand my urgency and tried to keep me calm but I was literally losing the woman who raised me in front of my eyes. When my husband came down stairs he got my mom on the couch and once the paramedics came they tried relentlessly to save her and I couldnt watch i was falling apart they asked me to go upstairs and that is where I remained while I was living a true nightmare. Once they told me it was not looking good and that I should start making phone calls I felt like I was going to lose it but I began calling everyone and that was a traumatic experience on its own too. The next day and few days after are truly a blur. After I was left to put together the entire funeral arrangements and everything that related to her I was so numb it felt like I was having an out of body experience for the first month. I think that was my spirits way of coping and protecting me. My little bundle of joy became my emotional support baby, when holding her and being around her I could not even shed a tear. She was my rock and my reason for everything even more so than the typical similar feelings of new parents. Moving forward has been the toughest part of my spiritual journey in life so far. Though there are days that are so much more tough than others I know that my higher self or true self is there with me in those moments and we are celebrating the love that it takes to be a living loving person who makes eternal impacts on the universe. I hope that life continues to give me signs, every single day since my daughter was born I have seen 544. she was born 5:44 and my mom died at 5:44, when im least expecting i will look up and see 544 somewhere and I know that im where im supposed to be and that everything will be okay.

I don't know what to do.

I'm FTM and I don't think my parents fully understand what's going on or what could happen. They're great supporters, but most of the time when I'm around them (or any other people in my family for that matter) my dysphoria is at it's worst. They'll do things that very obviously show they still see me as a girl and it makes me feel terrible. I don't know if I should bring up how I want to get on puberty blockers because of how they've said binding will damage (even though I have brought up on many occasions I know how to do it safely) and I'm scared they might also say that for the blockers. I think they know how at risk trans people are for su!c!de but aren't willing to accept that I could possibly end up having those thoughts in the future. This type of stuff is called life saving for a reason, and just because I'm not having those thoughts now doesn't mean I won't in the future. I also think they might be completely oblivious to the fact I have dysphoria (and I have brought it up with my mom before).

Honestly I just get exhausted around them. Usually, when I'm having fun with them they'll randomly bring something up that reminds me of how they still view me. My dad still deadnames me a ton, even right after he corrects himself, and both my mom and dad just misgender me in general. My little sister is the only one in the house that kind of understands who I am and actually repsects that (she was the first one I came out to for a good reason). I don't know what to do, especially since serious sit-down talks mess with a lot of my emotions and I have no idea how to bring this stuff up.

so here's the thing, i'm 34 and just found out my partner cheated on me, which, as you can imagine, is kind of like being hit by a psychological freight train...

one moment you're cruising along, thinking your relationship's snug and secure, and the next, boom, everything you thought you knew is flipped on its head. now, i'm trying to figure out how to stop overthinking all of this. is that even possible? i mean, how do you shut off your brain when it's on a mental hamster wheel of betrayal and doubt? the byproducts of this whole ordeal are the constant reruns of past interactions, analyzing every look, word, and action, wondering if things were ever real or just some cruel joke. it sneaks into your thought patterns like malware, disrupting your everyday operations, making simple tasks feel like defusing a bomb. questions like, was it something i did? was there a sign i missed? keep me glued to this self-analysis, where i'm both the therapist and the patient. efficiently unpacking these instances seems rational, yet it feels emotionally exhausting. this brings me to strategies, like cognitive reframing or maybe just trying to distract myself with hobbies, but is that enough? maintaining emotional equilibrium feels like trying to balance on a tightrope with your eyes closed. it’s vital to test emotional boundaries, acknowledge the feelings, but decide not to let what transpired dominate every thought or decision. letting go is something people throw around like confetti, decorating conversations as if it's an easy step, but those who've been there know it's no picnic. trust is a delicate ecosystem and once disrupted, rebuilding feels daunting. but can this process of navigating post-betrayal emotions ultimately lead to personal growth? or does it just leave you with emotional scar tissue? strategizing how to restore or even redefine psychological self-reliance amidst this emotional upheaval is essential. sometimes i catch myself thinking if forgiveness happens naturally, or should it be a deliberate choice, like signing a mental peace treaty? this journey is a personal labyrinth, unique to each individual, yet relatable on a universal level. what's the protocol? allow some grief, sprinkle in a dash of self-care, and perhaps a generous dollop of patience, right? navigating through this emotional multi-layer shouldn’t be a solo expedition. it hit me that seeking seasoned guides like therapists can dissect complex post-cheating neurology into manageable parts. having a non-judgmental space to unload cognitive debris may not erase the past, but it might clarify the present. it's incredible how interconnected emotions and intertwined experiences are; yet there's hope in slowly disentangling them without making them the defining narrative. maybe resilience can sprout from this ordeal, or maybe not. what do you think? through it all, maintaining a nuanced view on relationships, understanding their imperfections, enterprises, and sometimes failures, might just be the grounding element needed in this intricate chaos. is there a shortfall in just living and letting each day unravel? 🍀

Okay I am new here... idk how this works..but still I am here.. So rn I wanna say that

why am I even born.. like god why.. do u see anything good me in ? No !

Uk now I'm tired of talking to new ppl online and then saying the same shit.. hi hello where are you from ? age ? and then the whole loop of stories starts again

like every time the same shit..

I'm tired of me and my silly actions.

my future is in great danger bcoz of me..

I'm failing in neet since the last 5 years... I didn't gave the exam this year... so what ? u would have still failed.... cuz uk u had no preparation !

But damn u definitely know that u can do whatever you want in this world... then whytf are u so lazy ????

I really wanna kill myself... get better for ur own sake gurlllll

And this is not it...

Ur mood changes rapidly... like are u a maniac ? or what ?

one sec my playlist sounds so good and dreamy ... and then the other second u become Arijit Singh... like what the hell is going on... why aren't u stable gurlllll ?

U didn't even had any relationship !!!!

then wtf are these mood swings ?

And to make my life more hell...

day before yesterday

I met that British guy online

he's 6'2 niceee

and ur just 5

okay keep going

u like tall ppl

fine

u got one

fine

actually why don't you just marry a pole for the sake of your life ...

My gurlllll u fell for ppl so easily... like soooo easily !

Ik ur lonely , ur sad , u want love... ikkk gurlllll

but please don't fall for anyone...

that guy complimented u so much

even when he looks wayyyy much hotter

and ur just that potato

idk what did he saw in you

maybe he was saying that all just to use you

and ur an easy prey !

last night he tried to sext with you

I didn't wanted to

but he kept saying those words which u wanted to hear so much...

but not so soon

not just in a day

my gurlllll ikkk ur desperate to find ur ideal love but understand that there's nothing like ideal.. but one day u'll definitely meet that one guy.

don't get desperate

ur not that girl

uk it

u have kept ur sanity safe till so many days for someone special

ik ur alone.. depressed.. in anxiety.. ur young 21 yr girl.. ik ur hormones.. ik ur feelings

but bcoz of these stupid hormones which just get turned on unnecessarily seeing a hot guy..

U CAN'T DESTROY URSELF !

focus on ur career .. on ur studies.. on ur parents.. on urself

u'll achieve everything ik

just stop doing stupid things to find love.. I beg u

So a few months ago, my boyfriend found out about his younger brother’s cancer which was already at level four :(

He’s just depressed and trying to earn as much as possible for the surgery fees and he’s just different

He talked less and he touches grass less

How do u cheer him up? Even the doctors said that his beloved brother won’t make jt out alive unless he receives a heart donation

Six months. That's all it took for me to go from "I can't wait to start my career!" to "I don't want to go to work!!!" How did it come to this, you ask? Let's roll back time. At 23, fresh out of college, I was thrilled to start my first job. An office job, no less. The dream, right? Suited up, coffee in hand, feeling all grown-up. But hey, spoiler alert! Turns out, cubicles and fluorescent lights aren't the vibe I thought they'd be.

Day in, day out, the same routine. Wake up. Hustle to the office. Sit. Type. Sip coffee (repeat). Breathe stale air until I'm out the door again. But doesn't it make you wonder? How does anyone find joy stuck inside four walls, going through the motions like robots? Maybe you're one of those rare ones who absolutely love it. If so, hats off! But for me, it's draining—absolutely draining. I used to think anyone opposing the traditional office environment was just being dramatic. Now, I've joined their ranks. Surprising, huh?

To be clearer, the work itself isn't atrocious. It's the setting! The lack of fresh air, the monotonous view, the awkward water-cooler conversations about yesterday's game that frankly, I couldn't care less about. It's like being in a scene from "The Office" without the fun crew. Do you know that feeling when you're stuck in traffic, bumper to bumper, just wishing to teleport somewhere else? That's how office life feels to me. Every. Single. Day. Surely, there's more to life than this monotonous routine, right?

I'm starting to consider alternatives. Can I pivot my skills to something more dynamic? Perhaps a job that gets me outside, working with my hands or interacting with people in a more lively environment? Maybe I'll try my hand at being my own boss. People keep saying it's the age of the entrepreneur! And while the thought of veering off the beaten path is terrifying, it's also kind of thrilling. After all, didn't someone famous once say, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"?

I’m trying to stay optimistic, reminding myself that it's all a stepping stone, even the dreaded office stint. It has its perks, sure. And I still hold the hope that soon enough, I'll wake up, excited for the day instead of dragging my feet. So, to anyone who feels the same—I see you, I'm with you, and let's figure this out! Because who said we had to settle for mundane when the world offers a splash of vibrant chaos? Let's trade those office shoes for something more adventurous and make the daily grind a bit less... well, grim.

So me and this girl have been talking on and off for about a year, to be specific within this year the reasons we've ended things we're she was over stressed by school, she didn't want to ask me to change and she felt like we were to different and I mean it's my fault for having my standards so low to even take her back because every time we ended things it's because she wanted to but about two and a half months ago she wanted to start talking again but just as friends, which is totally fine but what I was aware of is the fact she would be talking with other guys while talking with me. The way I found out is bc we work together and that's how we met and so we were on shift together just having fun laughing and then one of my friends walk in and I walk up to him calling him by his name bc this is one of my closest friends and like after our shift together she requests to follow him on Instagram and my friend texts me and he's like "do u know who this is" and I'm like "oh that's the girl I'm talking with, she prob heard me call u by your name while at work" and yk I fully trusted this girl so I thought she just followed him bc he was my friend and no other reason but then I started telling her about it and when I told her about the part of me saying that's the girl I'm talking with she blows up in my face and is like "what right do you have to put labels on us, I followed him because she caught my eye and you have no right to interfere" but like I was under the impression that we were fully just trying to work things out between us and it's not like we've just been friends per say I mean litterally the day before she was talking about how jacked I am, and the day before how cute I am and then the day before saying she was shaking because I almost saw her without makeup and then like a week before that saying she was concerned that it seemed like I didn't like her anymore

and like what am I meant to do? I liked this girl so much but I can't just take that laying down right? and I mean I haven't talked to her since but I have to see her at work on Sunday

I just need some advice on the whole situation, maybe I'm being over dramatic and I'm wrong but I feel like I'm being an idiot.

I want to let go of him. I’ve found myself looking to others and gaining my spark back again. But I find myself thinking about him moving on from me, and it upsets me. He doesn’t seem to appreciate all I’ve done for him and my friendship. Always looking elsewhere. And yet I feel so attached still. How do you let go of smtg when your past self really doesn’t want to let go?

sometimes i just can’t take it all in. it’s like the lights are too bright, the music too loud, the people too many. the colors and sounds clash in my head until it feels like my brain’s about to fry. i try to breathe, but it’s not enough; i end up snapping at people or shutting down completely, just to get a bit of space. i hate being that person, the one who can’t handle a simple party or a shopping trip without losing my mind. is it really that hard for the world to slow down just a bit??? i get so frustrated with myself, but i can’t control it. it feels like my brain’s running on high-speed internet in a world where everyone else is on dial-up. i get overloaded and then crash like a stupid system error; it’s humiliating and exhausting.

when i try to explain this to anyone, they look at me like i’m some kind of freak. “just relax,” they say, as if i haven’t tried that a million times. but relaxing doesn’t stop the buzzing in my head or the way my skin crawls when there’s too much going on. it’s not about stress, it’s about everything being too much, all at once. crowds, bright lights, loud noises—they all blend together into this horrible mess that i can’t untangle from. i end up hiding in the bathroom, pretending to be busy on my phone, just so i don’t have to feel the sensory overload; it’s pathetic, i know, but it’s the only way i can keep from breaking down. have you ever felt like this?? like the world is attacking you for no reason??

still, i’m trying to stay positive. i tell myself that it’s not weakness to recognize my limits. i’m learning to plan my days better, to take breaks when i need them, and to speak up when things get too overwhelming. i’ve even started carrying earplugs in my bag for those moments when i can’t handle the noise. i know it’s not perfect, and yeah, i still have days when everything feels like too much and i want to scream. but i’m figuring it out, little by little. i’m not giving up on myself. i’ll find ways to make the world a little quieter, a little softer, so i can keep going without feeling like my head’s about to explode. i just wish it didn’t have to be so hard all the time; wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just chill for a minute??? 😤

Losing my husband unexpectedly was a heart-breaking experience that left me grappling with unbearable sorrow and navigating an uncertain future. Honestly, there were moments when I felt completely lost and alone, questioning how I could possibly move forward without him by my side. Amidst the overwhelming grief, my mum became an incredible pillar of strength for me. She offered a comforting presence during my darkest moments and helped me find a way out of the grief abyss. I had to ask myself, where would I be without her unwavering support and kind words during these trying times???

My mum's wisdom and compassion were nothing short of lifesavers. Every morning she called, ensuring I knew she was there and that I wasn't facing this new reality alone. An unplanned bonus to her supportive presence was her uncanny knack for knowing when I just needed someone to listen, without uttering a single word in return. We joked quite a bit, which was a much-needed breather from the suffocating heaviness of grief. She had the extraordinary ability to bring back a little sunshine into my life. Can you imagine what a gift that is?? Her thoughtful hugs and cups of tea were small gestures that went a long way to settling my scattered mind. Mum wasn’t afraid to take the reins and help me with daily tasks that suddenly felt monumental. 💪 Household chores, meal preps, even a few Netflix nights that started to fill up the void ever-so-slightly. It’s funny how parents continue to surprise us even when we’re adults, isn't it?? Her invaluable guidance taught me to honor my emotions, yet remain hopeful about the future and acknowledge that it’s okay to ask for help. My healing journey would be incomplete without recognizing her selfless love and encouragement that equipped me with the strength to move forward each day. 🧡

i started my onlyfans account like a year ago, just for some extra cash, but i didn’t expect how quickly it’d take over my life. i’m 21, i thought i could handle it, just treat it like a job, you know? but it’s like this thing where the lines between work and life get real blurry. i’m on my phone all the time, messaging with clients, keeping up that sexy, flirty energy that makes them feel special. it’s addictive, not just the money, but the attention too. i catch myself checking messages during lunch, replying when i should be chilling, constantly waiting for the next notification. it’s not like i even know these guys, but their messages give me that little rush, like someone’s thinking about me, wanting me. sometimes it feels empowering, other times it’s just draining. does that sound messed up?

i’ve had friends say, “girl, you need to set boundaries,” but it’s not as easy as it sounds. when your income depends on how responsive and available you are, it’s tough to step back. i’ll tell myself, just this one time, just a few messages, and suddenly an hour’s gone. the worst part? i’ve started sexting outside of work hours, not because i want to, but because it feels like the only way to stay relevant in the game. even when i’m not on the clock, i’ll catch myself drafting flirty texts in my head, thinking about angles, what i’d say to hook them in. it’s like my brain’s wired for it now, constantly on edge, thinking, “how can i keep them coming back?” it’s not healthy, right? but how do you just stop when you’ve made it your normal?

sometimes i look at my phone and think, “what am i doing?” i used to be so social, going out, hanging with friends, but now my social life is basically these online chats. i know it’s my choice, i know i’m the one who opened the account and started down this path, but i didn’t expect it to get this deep. it’s weird because i’m not even in a relationship, but i feel like i’m constantly ‘with’ someone through these texts. like my real life’s on hold while i live in this virtual flirty bubble. maybe i need to find a better balance, or maybe it’s just part of the hustle. i don’t know. ever been in a situation where the thing you thought you could control just takes over your whole mindset?