Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 64

In a relationship that seems perfect from the outside, it's funny how there can be an undercurrent of secrets just beneath the surface. My boyfriend, Jake, is everything I thought I'd ever wanted: charming, funny, and incredibly attentive. He knows how to make me laugh, how to listen when I need to vent, and he seems to genuinely care about my feelings. But there’s a layer of my life that he knows nothing about, and I question whether I should ever reveal it to him. Have you ever felt trapped by your own secrets, teetering on the edge of wanting to share but terrified of the fallout?

For the past year, I’ve been living with a burden that’s becoming increasingly heavy. Before I met Jake, I had a different life filled with reckless choices and a wild side that is almost entirely hidden from him. When I think about those times, I can't help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. I was carefree but also naïve, often putting myself in precarious situations that could have gone horribly wrong. It was the kind of life that seemed exciting at the time but ultimately lacked substance. As I delve into this side of myself, I realize how juxtaposed it is with the woman I’ve become since being with him. Would he still love me if he discovered what I had done, or would he see me in a completely different light, one that I can’t control?

The catalysts for my decision to hide this side of me were many. My past includes nights out that ended in chaos, relationships that were toxic, and moments where I put myself at risk, all in the name of fun and adventure. But I want to be seen as a responsible adult, someone who has their life on track. I carefully crafted a narrative to present to Jake; one where I’m a woman who’s made some mistakes but has learned from them, rather than a wild child who danced on the edge of danger. I often wonder if I'm betraying his trust by not being transparent about my history. Is holding back information simply an act of self-preservation, or is it a deceitful act in itself?

Moreover, I often find myself questioning the future we might have together. Will this secret haunt me, or at some point, will I feel compelled to share the truth? When we talk about our dreams and plans for the future, I can see us building a life together filled with happiness and love. But will I always carry the fear of him finding out on my shoulders? Would his perspective on ‘us’ change if he knew the entirety of my past? I can't help but to think: how would you respond if you found out your partner had a side they kept hidden? Would you view them through a lens of judgment or understanding, or would it make you question their integrity?

The thing is, I love Jake and appreciate the stability he brings to my life, but the shadows of my past loom over me, whispering that I am not the person he thinks I am. There’s a nagging sense of hypocrisy in presenting myself as someone who’s grown past that old life when parts of me still feel that urge for freedom and recklessness. Still, I choose to remain silent, at least for now. The thought of losing him terrifies me more than my own memories. Yet I am left wondering: is it fair to keep this piece of myself hidden, or is a relationship built on half-truths worth having at all?

Dear mummy,

words can't even begin to describe the kind of pain it is to be your daughter. I've known you my whole life yet I've completely failed to understand you and why you choose to be the way you are. I've failed to understand your refusal to take accountability for the problems you continue to create within our family.

I understand that you were born in a different time where abuse was a style of parenting, and where children were seen but not heard. I understand that you were raised to think that these sort of things were okay. but in your 50 years of living how have you failed to see that this behaviour you continue to do is exactly what's affecting your relationship with your children. A relationship you so desperately want yet refuse to fight for. I don't understand why you're afraid of your children leaving you when you're older, but you refuse to care and nourish them while they're still here with you. aren't you contradicting yourself mummy? why do you make it your life's mission to create division between the children in this family and the turn around and ask us to be united and love one another. are you not being a hypocrite mummy? why do you continue to coddle the boys in the family and forbid them from lifting a finger, and then turn around and blame us girls when they behave like selfish, inconsiderate bastards. Was it me who raised them mummy? I don't think you understand the kind of environment you created for us mummy.

I was raised in a house where I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. a place where my opinions didn't matter. a home where facts were void because you're the only one who could ever be right. I can't even count the amount of times where you made me feel so ashamed for existing in the body I do. If it wasn't my weight that was the issue, it was my gender, and if it wasn't that then it was the fact that I was unfortunate enough to look like my father. You quite literally raised me to hate myself! but on the few occasions you take an interest interest in what I have to say, you act surprised when I tell you that I don't really like the way I look. One time you actually had the audacity to ask me why I wasn't confident in myself like the other kids. I even specifically remember you asking me why we're not close, and why I don't tell you things. You expect me to behave like a child who was raised in a home where her voice mattered, a place where her questions weren't dismissed as disrespect. but honestly mummy your like a sculptor who never touched the clay but demands a masterpiece. And for that I will never forgive you, no matter how much I love you.

I used to believe you'd change, but time and time again you proved me wrong. I hope you know that all those times we argued and disagreed on what you were doing, I was trying to mend to our relationship. I hope you understand that all those times I was being a "disrespectful child" who "talked back to her elders", I was hoping you'd understand that I fought because I wanted a relationship with you. But now I understand that you are simply too proud to change. Too proud to even consider that maybe you went about motherhood the wrong way. But it's ok. Knowing this has honestly freed me. I'm no longer the girl who's filled with jealousy when I see my friends have fulfilling relationships with their mothers. I'm no longer the girl whose eyes fill with tears when I see someone on TV who reminds me of you. Because at least now I know where we stand.

Sincerely your daughter

No I'm not the Joker. I had an unnecessary argument with some trolls online. It made me realize that I hate how everyone's an asshole and no one wants to have conversations or be civil. Even is always in the right even if they're wrong, especially influencers, they can't take accountability for their actions at all. I hate how billionaires get a free pass on taxes while some people in my country are debating between rent and food. I wanna go back to pre-iPhone era or go back to when we had trains. To be honest, I'd rather not exist at all.

My parents are very religious like extremely and they just found out I vape. They were really mad and tried to take it away from me so I told them no and kept it. We haven’t really been talking since then she keeps telling me I need to confess to god and that I’m a sinner but I don’t want to quit vaping it helps with my anxiety so

What do I do?

Too exhausted and drained of energy from a relationship filled with deep affection and forbidden love. It often feels like all the effort in this relationship is one-sided. I always give, but never receive anything in return. The love bombing phase has ended. There was a time when I felt genuinely loved and cared for wholeheartedly. We both already have partners and children. We only meet in person at work, in the office. The relationship began when we started sharing stories about our lives, which eventually developed into something more intimate. The love bombing phase was the most beautiful period—it felt like being young again, like a first love. The relationship was full of excitement, with a constant desire to meet and be together. Every effort was made just to stay close, no matter what. It felt like I couldn’t live without them.

But lately, what I feared has started to happen. Their true nature is beginning to show. They lie often and look for reasons to start fights—just so they can spend time with others, which they never used to do before. They’ve also been interacting frequently with their ex, claiming it’s purely professional. However, they were once caught alone together in a car in a parking lot. I don’t know what they were doing—they claimed they were just going to grab a meal together. They’re increasingly working together on the same projects. They seem very enthusiastic when talking about this ex, who holds a high position in the company. They seem to admire them a lot. But they always get extremely angry when I bring it up, which only makes me more suspicious.

The more I express my doubts, the more they lash out—yelling and twisting the facts. They bring up my past mistakes but refuse to acknowledge their own. I love them deeply, so I’ve often ignored their faults and let things slide. But over time, it’s become too frequent and too much to handle. It's started affecting my mental health, making me lose motivation in both work and daily life.

What’s most disturbing is that they don’t let me interact with others. They don’t allow me to go out with friends, yet they often socialize with other men. I don’t know what to do anymore. Right now, I’m in a very sad place and don’t feel like doing anything at all.

Something I've started to notice over the years that some (well) most of my friends parents hate/dislike me. don't know why. sometimes its nothing sometimes its old stuff. Like am I that bad? I feel like I cant hang out with anyone anymore because of their parents, its sad and makes me lonely like I'm just a kid (teen) I'm still learning about life and I just want to hang out with friends but I cant even do that. like one of my friends their mom hates me over some drama that happened last month or so (its whatever we are chill) but their mom blames me but like its off and on, plus I'm just a child like u don't even know me. Me and my friend both have older sisters and they are besties. my friend and her sisters parents don't have a problem with my sister so why hate me? its like everyone loves my older sister and shes sooo perfect so she can do anything and I'm just the crappy hated "(Name)_____ sister" I cant even enjoy life cuz of this. the only good thing about school is that I can see my friends and hang and talk with them. cant do it at home. there is 9 days of school left and I'm going into highschool next year! I wont even see some friends at school so what if I want to hang with them but their parents don't like me? IDK what to do but I'm over it. just cant let a teen be a teen..

(friend list follows: Katy, Amy, Barley, Harley, Ella, Will, JJ, Tasha, Mindy)

So more friendgroup stuff.

I sit at a table with Amy, JJ, Mindy, Will, Katy, and one of Mindy's friends. Tasha, Harley, and Barley all sit at their own table. I'm still technically friends with Barley, we still talk and vibe yk, but I don't talk to Tasha and Harley as much as I used to. Tasha, Amy, and Mindy are all dating eachother.

In the mornings, we have morning holding. Everyone who doesn't go to breakfast goes to the gym and we sit with our grade levels and socialize until we go to class. When I get to the gym, usually Barley's there already. (Amy, Tasha, JJ, and Mindy all go to breakfast.) Ella arrives later as does Harley. Katy enters the gym at the same time I do.

If Barley's already there, we talk yk, we vibe just like normal. But then, when Harley arrives, and I've become used to this, I become invisible. If I was sitting next to Barley, I move up and sit next to Katy, or sometimes Ella if Katy's not there that day, or I just move and sit alone if neither of them are there. Even though I'm used to disappearing, it still feels not too good.

At lunch, you know the seating arrangement. The seats aren't the same two weeks in a row usually. But Amy always, and I mean ALWAYS sits between JJ and Mindy. I sit next to Katy. Will's new-ish (he was homeschooled, then came back to actual school), so he doesn't really have a set place. I vibe with JJ, Amy, Katy, and Will. I don't talk to Mindy's friend. And I feel like Mindy hates my guts for whatever reason. She doesn't even ever glance my way during lunch, not once the whole lunch period.

JJ and Amy are OBSESSED with Genshin Impact. Once they start talking about it, everyone around it is gone in a puff of smoke. And by everyone, usually just me. They still talk with Will and Mindy, just about Genshin. Me and Katy, who don't play Genshin, are left on the outside. Yeah, we all have common interests, like K-pop and Alien Stage, but Genshin tends to take over sometimes.

Ella's pretty chill. We vibe. We have our inside jokes. "CaN i PeT tHaT dAaAwWwG??" "diD You WaSH yO AsS ToDAY??" but she sits at her lunch table with her friend group.

Harley sometimes will turn and talk to Amy. Then they'll turn back to her own table and start talking to Tasha and Barley again. (they use she/they pronouns so I'm tryna use a mix of them lol). Tasha and I don't talk. Not much, anyway.

Me, Barley, and Tasha are all in band together, but Barley's not continuing next year and Tasha is changing schools.

Sometimes, Amy and JJ forget that I exist at all. I wait for them at class change so we can walk together, but still they sometimes don't talk to me. And they usually never wait for me when I get out of class after they do. Amy waits for Mindy and that's all.

More on Mindy: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE HATES ME. No idea! At all. She doesn't look at me, doesn't talk to me, doesn't associate with me.

I'm just getting very sick of my friend group. I'm done with being invisible, done with Mindy hating me for no reason, done with the people who stop talking to me when one specific friend is around. I'm done. And idk what to do because I don't want to ditch them all and be alone, because we're literally a friend group of the outcasts of our grade. But what do you do when you're an outsider in a group of outsiders?

I messed up my exams and I don’t wanna study anymore. I’m really scared about my parents. I feel like they are gonna hate me…

I fucked up my maths exams today. It’s finals I can’t believe I made so made fucking small mistakes and it’s literally decreasing my marks. I EVEN TOLD MY PARENTS IT WAS WELL. I’m the only one who messed up my exams like this. I just wanna kill my self. I really wanna cry. I’m so scared to show my face to my parents.

I grew up in a very religious family and currently a teens rn.(forgive me if my English or grammar is wrong)

My family would always bring me and my brother to church every sabbath. Tbh I've never missed a sabbath. And they say that gay people are an abomination. And I read bl (boys love) and the reason I read it was probably just to run away from my own problems. I know it's really not a good thing to do but I can't stop reading it. it's becoming an obsession. I just feel really guilty for doing this but I really can't stop it's the only reason I can keep a smile. It was my source of happiness. It was always there for me. But i feel like im betraying my parents by doing this. I really feel guilty. I feel like I'll get disowned if I get discovered. But I just really don't know what to do. I really need to quit doing this. Please someone share some advice In which way i should go.

so I'm in band rn, and we're about to go to a theme park. when I said I didn't get a permission form from her, she started going off on me about how I couldn't keep track of anything, how I don't use my brain, etc. I hear this from my mom a lot, so it didn't faze me, until she said I was gonna end up a high school dropout and never succeed with how I'm going. the thing is I'm at my best mentally, so this really hurt. brought me down a few notches. I dunno, I may be stupid, but its just painful hearing that from a teacher that was so nice to me last night during our concert.

So at our school we have this morning holding thing where we go in the gym and sit and socialize before class starts. I was sitting in the bleachers with my friends (none of the names are real) Katy, Ella, Barley, and Harley. (no I did not rhyme that on purpose). Harley was talking about some Dan Bull song she hates, and I mentioned that Dive Into the Madness and that one Minecraft skeleton song by him are actually pretty good. Barley agreed, saying that not all Dan Bull songs were bad. And then the madness.

See, I don't know what's wrong with me, but if I think of a movie line or a song lyric in the middle of a conversation, I HAVE to say it. It takes a lot of willpower not to.

So the first line of the chorus of Dive Into the Madness came to mind as we were discussing Dan Bull, and I sang it. Barley, who was sitting kind of in front and to the right of me, turned and said, "This isn't high school musical!" because he gets annoyed when I do my song thing. But I can't not do it. He doesn't know that it's something I don't control. He thinks it's just me.

But anyway, it still hurt. And now I don't really want to talk to him because he says a lot of things that make my "playlist brain" go crazy for some reason and I don't want to annoy him. Not that he even ever really talks to me much anymore anyway.

I feel like I have to distance myself from everyone when it comes to family. They are all extremely unprincipled, unvalued, and unmotivated people, people with very low self-esteem who like to subjugate others through their own actions. My experience at my aunt's house and the way my father underestimated the situation were outrageous to me, excessively so.

Simply, that fact represented the necessary distance between my father and me. Honestly, I'm not with anyone who defends people like my mother and applauds her way of life with her mother, who in my aunt's case would be her comrade. It's the worst thing I've ever experienced. Differences are absolutely unacceptable there.

In fact, I feel that's why it was hard for me to stay strong at work. Today, with the Papa thing up in the air, I ignored it, and I felt that the indifference toward my indifference on the matter hurt me deeply. I felt the need to do like the others. The worst part of all this is that my father, that family, would support this.

It's like feeling miserable for breaking the trend, even though it goes against my principles. It makes me feel insulted and at the same time outraged that I was raised by my relatives, who didn't instill in me the strength to be different, which I denigrate because it's causing me problems in terms of distinguishing myself as I am in front of others, thus facilitating clarity for generating respect in a pleasant and unforced way. The idea isn't to fall into the trap of others breaking with it in one way or another.

All of them, these relatives I mention, are people who indeed appear friendly and supportive, but they come across that way in every context, which is frightening and deceptive. Although it must be acknowledged that their appearance is so obvious that to an outsider it would be like that, except for me, who didn't see it because I had normalized it. In fact, I didn't notice what they were yelling at me from miles away. In fact, I did nothing about their inconsistencies and lived by not speaking to them or pointing them out; my life together was one of being estranged because they exposed them without any remorse in front of me, which is disrespectful given that it's a game with my stability, which they further embrace thanks to the fact that they didn't point it out or justify it in any way, keeping me between a rock and a hard place when I committed them, which is indeed unfair. I feel abused within these people.

I don't like living with them. In fact, I have to live in isolation, since being with them implies intentional and frequent deterioration, while in isolation the situation is the opposite, and also with recovery, which with them is condemned. I had never acknowledged it until now that I've grown up, but these relatives make me fearful of their dramatic behavior as well as their constant denials of reality, thus creating an absorbing environment, and of course, one responsible for producing this normalization. They are the family that has also proven to be the difference between me and my mother's, and it was precisely because of this disappointment that I couldn't easily disengage from them, unlike with my mother, with whom I saw it coming.

For a very long time, it has resulted in an obsession with me not to discover the family characteristics—in truth, everything they pointed out in my mother's family, through detours and conditioning. However, they haven't realized that this game of counter-current on my part is lucrative and leads to the exact opposite result, something they apparently fail to understand despite numerous tests and which, of course, is my guarantee of success. There have been numerous attempts to eradicate me with thought tools such as ignoring the microphone, tearing at my writing, breaking away from influential thinkers, and even degrading well-known figures, but all have been in vain. I don't see them understanding that going against the grain and being effective is the best thing. Furthermore, if there were any attempt to avoid them markedly, it would only result in anxiety problems, and that's precisely what they don't want to encounter again because it would lead to an overflow of their routine, and living with me consisted of adapting to it.

I don't know how my coworkers experienced the fact that I wasn't with them at their father's event, but I still recognize that I felt obligated to consent to or pay attention to a religion when I am practically an atheist. This is an issue that is also imposing on said family. That is, they always tell me "God bless you" when I am not part of the religion, and which results in a lack of respect, mainly on the part of my father, who asks me to let him give it to me, only for the purpose of falling under the suggestion that, in that regard, for a very long time for a long time, my relationship with my father has consisted of pure attempts at suggestion. For a long time now, I haven't been able to share time with my father, only to seek food, some income, and to be the recipient of his attempts at suggestion, gradually leading him to become disillusioned. In fact, this has been the way he has come to act in a disorganized and obvious way toward these attempts. It's been almost three years like this, yet I still don't understand how he can't realize that his attempts are in vain; I suppose it's justified by the fact that it's because of the love I once had for my family, and because of which he took advantage of the opportunity to distort me. Ironically, individuals like those who cause complications for their families by coming into conflict with their moral compass happened, even though they were also a person I respected. Personally, the fact that I continue in this mood seems amusing to me up to this point, as the sadness is extremely high, no longer destabilizing to the point of prostrating me, but rather a game in favor of my firmness.

When will my father learn his lesson? When will my aunt learn her lesson? He tried to lecture me, but she, unwittingly, was the one falling into the game, precisely so that I could distance myself from her, since my goal is to distance myself from this family. They are obsessed with preventing my departure, when it has already happened, and now I am merely a spectator, oblivious to them, just like any other ordinary citizen who visualizes them. In short: I can't help but hide the sun with a finger from anyone in the world, then.

I feel like I don't know if I'd like to meet this girl again, or even the one I knew. They're both extremely confiding people with extremely troubled lives. They're always trying to please everyone. It's somewhat absorbing for me. I feel like I'm a sad spectacle or something, a projection of what they could be, and I don't like it.

Personally, I feel like I wouldn't like to meet either of them. They're very unstable people, indeed. Their feelings are extremely disproportionate and they're constantly struggling with their surroundings. I feel they're extremely tied down. Frankly, I don't want to know about their lives because I feel like I'll stumble upon a deep, brazenly camouflaged sadness. In this sense, I feel, as I do everyone else, that such a person is very unpleasant, and even more so those around them, who are used to something like that. I feel, in principle, that there will be no organization in the conversations. The focus will be on feeling good, not facing an organized panorama, which will allow for the diversity of emotions and, therefore, the exercise of organizing them to adapt to this encouraging panorama.

These are extremely complex girls, too much for me. In fact, I confess that all their actions leave me thinking because, of course, I visualize them, I identify with them, but nevertheless, it's an overflow for my routine. Furthermore, I'm surprised by the technicality I have to use to express myself about them in a way that is satisfactory to me and, I'm sure, to the reader as well.

Why did I get such complicated girls? I don't understand. Why don't I get something simpler? Also, I'm conscious. I don't want, under any circumstances, to go around advising anyone, which is what I feel I've done with them, regarding maintaining respectful boundaries. In fact, I'm overwhelmed by speaking in this formal way because of the great detail involved. I prefer something much simpler. This, of course, already implies, if we constantly meet with them, a long distance between us, working in the meantime, even though it's impossible, creating a distance between us. Let's be honest: The relationship between these girls and me is a long-term disaster. I can't resort to such complex analysis to understand these circumstances. Indeed, it's essential: I need to distance myself from both of them.

I feel like our relationship is an overload for me. I understand that I need to control my thoughts; however, the effort is precisely what's overwhelming, and if I don't, I run into disorganization with her, which would mean being unavailable and just being another source of conflict. What could be the cure for the issue also results in conflict—a minority one at first, but in the long run, it will be just as impactful as any other source. It's unfortunate, then; I can't do anything more with these girls, and it hurts because I was right there in their shoes.

I find it hard to believe that I can't deal with myself. These are people whose personality I had in the past. Why are these circumstances the same as mine? On the one hand, and on the other, how is it possible that I don't encounter someone in the same circumstances as me? I feel this speaks to the fact that I still have my mentality in such times, even though the conditions of my environment are different, which implies that I haven't fully adapted to it, although it would seem utopian at first, given that it's always in constant change. What I can say is that this within my adaptation continues to be present, and I recognize it. Of the things I've become aware of, many I hadn't been conscious of. Of course, I sought a radical change, which is why I still struggle to achieve my goal. What I can say is that, speaking of a totality, my environment is still creating distance for all situations in the present, everything about them that I haven't been conscious of.

I've mentioned this guy in one of my stories before...classmate, me being introverted in general, him being annoying and full of himself, a social butterfly, large group of girlies happy to engage with him, me having some odd eye contact moments with him that make me question- what on earth is he thinking about?? what does that look mean? what are his eyes speaking and and why is he looking at me, I don't speak so like leave me alone? and look I know it might sound like I'm just going on for nothing cuz I feel high of myself now that someone is noticing me whatever whatever, but trust me that is not what I want. I just wanna be there-silently existing, do my work, spend time with friends and go home.

Idk how to explain, but the locking of the eyes is just ... weird? odd? awkward for me? uncomfortable? I've been told it's because I'm trying to figure out what he's thinking and that I'm thinking too deep or serious about this, he might not even be thinking anything etc etc.

the thing is, I hate that he has been randomly popping up in my head- not in the crush way, that's not me. honestly I'm scared to even say more in case his on this, which I doubt, but there's so many other people I could be thinking about, so many other people I could be getting annoyed with. this morning, I caught his smile while he was looking dead straight somewhere on my t-shirt, trying to figure out the words or whatever . generally one would stare back at that kind of person, but I felt uncomfortable and looked away, possibly looking soft? why must I feel anxious being around him, fearing being judged, and judged for what exactly. ugh it's killing me, and I need to get him out of my head, and not let his presence bother me. how?!???