Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 64

I like this guy, c, he is cute, funny, sweet. Literally checks all the boxes.

I've known C from school for 2 years but the first time saw him I was sitting I

In the school cafeteria and saw him walking by through one of the windows. My first thought was "oh, he's kinda cute". I didn't have any classes with him that year and didn't see him until the first day of school the next year.

The first day of school came, and because I am sooo lucky, I had art first period with both of my younger sisters. We arrived to class and he assigned us seats. I was sitting at a table with a girl and guy who are a grade lower than me, same grade as my sisters, and C. (C is in the same grade as me). Over the next 3 months I had the best time at this table, he made me laugh so hard.

Suddenly, my art teacher gave us new seats, and I wasn't sitting with C anymore. I was already sitting alone at lunch so being isolated from people who made me happy sucked even more. Eventually this really kind girl, G, invited me to sit with her and her friends during lunch. Me and G are now best friends. Well one of these girls, K, like C too. I was to afraid to tell anyone of my crush, plus I also wasn't sure it was a crush yet. Unfortunately, k and c ended up dating for a while and I decided I would never tell anybody my crush. Well the school year came to an end and they broke up. I left him alone and didn't see him again until next school year.

This school year c was in my science class. The second I saw him all my feelings immediately came back. He would occasionally talk to me and I would catch him looking at me across hallways and the cafeteria. I was elated. Little did I know my school was going to bump up to advanced science. I, of course, took the opportunity as it gave me a high school credit, unlike the other course. So, things went along as normal, c would still look over at me and I would look over at him, but neither of us ever made a move.

Then I have a sleepover with G and she convinces me to get his number and text him. She ended up finding his number and texting him on my phone, I was scared shittless, like I was a HOT MESS. He ended up not remembering me from art, or knowing my name, or even the fact that we had science together a month ago. That hurt, like a lot. I gave up, he wouldn't start the conversation, his texts were dry, and he never talked to me in school. Of course I would still get butterflies whenever we were close to each other, but I tried to convince myself I didn't like him. I told my friends my crush was over, I didn't text him again, and I pushed all thoughts of him out of my brain.

THEN I FIND OUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND

(This is like 2/3 months later)

I here one of my friends casually mention that C and V make a really cute couple to my other friend. My heart dropped. V was the one girl at school that I would constantly compare myself to.

She's prettier than me, has more friends than me, is cooler, taller, funnier, hotter, of course c wanted her, hell I wanted to BE HER.

I pushed down my feelings but now G is dating one of Cs friends so whenever me and G hang out with Gs bf he's always there, and it's SO AWKWARD CUZ I STILL LIKE HIM AND I THOUGHT HE LIKE ME

but apparently I'm just some delusional teenage girl who actually needs to chill out, cuz he has a gf, who's not me.

I don't know what to do, I've tried liking other guys, but I almost have to force myself to like them. I've tried ignoring him. I've tried talking to my therapist about him, not the fact that I still like him but she was there for when I started texting him and stuff.

If you guys have any suggestions for getting over somebody, that would be great.

Love y'all!💕

so there is this guy i like named ryklin. we r both in 7th grade and both 13. but i just found out today that he likes somone els and now i am really really really reallyyyyyyyy saddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just curious as someone who's curious about the subject. Unfortunately the internet only tells me what happens, not how, or what the person feels specifically.

For cis gender males...

When you have hanky-panky time... Assuming that you have... Alone or with someone... What does it feel like for a male appendage to um... Have the red human fluid go down there🫣!? I sound ridiculous, but I'm not sure how to word this without there being restrictions😮‍💨. It's completely innocent... I swear🙇🏻‍♀️✨!!

I live in a home full of cis gender females. And one 60+ year old male(the dad figure of the house)... But I wouldn't ask the 60+ year old male... Cause he's also my cousin🫥. And that's just weird🫠.

I mean... Not saying it's not not weird here... It's just... Um... You know... Anonymous😅.

Anyway... The only thing I get from Reddit is...

"It's like warm and it's a build up and then it's a woosh!!" Does that make any forking sense😩!? Cause it doesn't to me🥴!!

And I'm specifically asking about just the red human liquid that flows to that area... Not necessarily the... Um... End result🫥.

I heard somewhere the end result does end up being tingly... But what does "tingly" even mean😫!! Like come on dudes, bros, any cis gender male or people with that particular appendage... Be more specific... What does it feel like🧐!?

And why does it get harder to the touch🤔!? Do people with this particular appendage feel the difference in that particular area🤷🏻‍♀️!?

I'm just really curious... As a very, very, very inexperienced cis female human in her early 20's... I'm just curious🫠.

And no need to answer if anyone is uncomfortable☺️🙏🏻✨... Or just simply doesn't know how to answer😶‍🌫️.

It's more of a religious conflict within myself.

I grew up Jewish... But not Jewish. My adopted family is Jewish. But I never felt Jewish. My mom was Jewish, but we only celebrated... Loosely, Hanukkah until I turned 12. Then I asked to stop cause buying and receiving gifts was too forking stressful! Also, birthdays and any gift-giving days stopped, but that's another topic for another day.

Anyway, I like to think I'm interested in all religions and no religions at the same time. It's hard to put my finger on it. I live with my cousins now, after my mom's passing. They're more Jewish than any Jewish people I lived near in my old life/old neighborhood.

I didn't know any holidays except for Hanukkah... And honestly... I still only know Hanukkah, cause there's many Jewish holidays that confuse me. All I remember is that Jewish Challah bread is so forking tasty! Cinnamon and honey challah bread is SO FORKING YUMMY🤤! And I usually HATE cinnamon... But in challah bread... Give me all of it😋!! I also like the apples and honey holiday... Cause there's apples and honey🍎🍯! I don't really like Jewish pastries... No offense to any Jewish people... Jam ain't my thing🫠.

Also, my cousin says that one of the differences between Judaism and Christianity is that Jewish people cannot be forgiven from sinning by only God. If a Jewish person sins to God, they are forgiven, cause God is understanding. But if a Jewish person sins against another fellow human, God only forgives if the person you sinned to has forgiven you. And therefore, there is no way out of saying, "I have sinned, I have shared my sin with God, he shall forgive me" even if the original sin was cause by the sinner who has done wrong by his fellow man/woman/person.

But based on Christianity, I like the easiness that it feels to feel somewhat absolved of sins based on the fact that one shares their sins with God and they themselves feel sorry. But I still like the fact that there's more restrictions on Judaism, cause it puts more responsibility on humans rather than having God shoulder everything... God's got a lot on his hypothetical shoulders man!

Also, is God in the form of a man still? Or is God an entity? Energy? Or simply a safe feeling? That guy feeling saying... Don't go into that "haunted house" or don't drink spoiled milk, even if you think it smells fine.

Some people maybe believe in multiple Gods. I also like to believe in such things, as well as the singl God that most people believe in. It also makes sense to think that God's can be it's own entity, like the clean stream, or a mighty tree that's stood for centuries! It's interesting who one would worship something that isn't forever, but super long lasting.

I also like some of the ideas of Buddhism. How there are a few Gods that make people feel safer. I personally feel the best when thinking of setting up an alter. I haven't set up one yet, cause I'm waiting to move outta the rental home. But again... I really like the 3 main Gods... And I like the God's that represent Protection, Peace, and Health. I understand that some might not understand, and that's okay... Heck... I'm just learning about Buddhism only last month! But it's fascinating!

Who says mixing different religions is wrong? I'd totally love to put different items around my home for different religions. And no disrespect... It's because I respect and admire these religions that makes me wanna partake.

I also really like the idea of believing and worshiping ancestors... Cause they've done a sh*t-ton of stuff for us to be where we are now... Why not respect them with an alter or at least a nice photograph to show respect?

I've also dabbled in spirituality. As sage, candles, and crystals also seem to make me feel a little better. Maybe not physically, but on a somewhat psychological level. The idea of safety that such actions bring. With words like "cleansing" and "positive energy". All those things factor into why I like stuff like that too.

I even enjoyed learning, but not partaking in Hispanic deities. They're fascinating! There was one... Or maybe two... I can't remember... That favored non-violent peace vs peace brought by violence. Of course they weren't as popular as the more stereotypical tough God's... But I still respect all those God's... Though personally... Human and animal sacrifices was a bit much for my liking... But hey, if it made them feel like they were safe... Who am ai to judge... Even though I personally don't condone violence.

I also liked learning about the Greek Gods and thought it would be nice to make an alter for one or two of the God's... Of course once I do more research to make sure the God's I choose got along with each other... Cause who'd wanna be worshipped with your arch nemesis😬!? I personally like Eros, since he didn't cheat or at least was able to keep it in his pants more than certain God's😑. And Psyche is also a very interesting God! Originally a human... Woo-hoo! Love wins all!! Woo-hoo! The crowd cheers!! Standing ovation for her ascent to Goddess-hood!

I don't know much about the Roman Gods, as they're very similar to the Greek Gods. And saying both Greek and Roman Gods together just confuses my sludge brain!

Also, black cats are actually good luck... According to Pagan beliefs, as well as science! Science has shown that Black cats have a better resilience in terms of survival. Unlike white cats, who usually have a bunch of medical issues. Both black and white cats are equally beautiful though. If I had the time, energy, and money, I'd get a black female cat named Yin, and a White male cat named Yang... Get it... Yin-Yang☯️!?

Anyway, overall, I think I'm in general a little confused... But very fascinated by everything.

The only thing is Cults that scare the shart outta me! But that's for another topic, and another day!

This one will be short.

In preschool... They say it gets better in elementary school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In elementary school... They say it gets better in middle school/junior high.

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It doesn't😑.

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In middle school/junior high... They say it gets better in high school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In high school... They say it gets better in community college.

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It doesn't😑.

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In community college... They say it gets better at University.

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It doesn't😑.

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They say it gets better once you start working after college.

...

...

...

I honestly don't know if it does... But if my track record is the same... Then...

...

...

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It doesn't😑.

But that could just be me... I'm happy and jealous of all those who are successful in the school and career lives!! Hats off to ya! A round of applause! Wolf whistle in the back!

...

I sad🥲.

Ideally books from a library... Not digital... Cause digital books usually cost money to continue reading chapters... Or only allow you to have the 1st book free... And the sequels not-free😭!

My ideal books are honestly werewolf smut😑. And not the kind with a sh*t-ton of violence or "imma cage you and you submit to me" kinda books😅. I definitely like the books were there's an alpha female falling in love with another hot alpha! Alpha-alpha energies in such stories don't seem to mix well in werewolf lore but for my sludge brain... It should! And I'm personally into monogamy, but the books with 1 female, and 2-3 dude is super spicy😍!! It's even spicier when the dude are twins or triplets cause that's hecka funny when the MC gets super confused🤣!! Good comedy in a steamy romance😂! I usually like these werewolf setting to be in college, cause that's where I'm at right now.

Another type is college romance, spicy version. Yes, my brain is sludge, and I need to touch grass(thanks Bang Chan!)... But come on... They're fun, and usually college scenarios involve a lot of cute flirting and then... BAM!! Your roommate caught you kissing and you sludge-brains forgot to lock the door or put something on the door🤪!

Personally, my love live is non-existent... Recently single. Boring AF! I'm human🙋🏻‍♀️... By the way, if there are any werewolf believers. And according to werewolf lore... Specifically based on stereotypes... They have soulmates... Unfortunately, I'm human... And I'm stuck being a sludge brain without a mate. Also, the stories seem to insinuate that werewolf's don't particularly like the fact that their mates would be with other people before finding them. And there's the possessiveness, obsessiveness, gaslighting, and an odd amount of dominance... Which isn't something I'd personally want... As I prefer control. But on the outside, I basically look like one of the chubby anime cats that you see in those shows... Cute, soft, small, and I sorta have a cat-like personality.

I think I like most music... But I can't really tell. I usually adjusted to the music other people liked. Or I simply was too afraid to stand up for the music that I actually liked.

I remember being in elementary school and I saw my first K-pop video... I can't remember who they were, but this girl who seemed to be nice wanted to share her interest in music... K-pop. I was young and honestly pretty stupid back then... And scoffed at her saying it wasn't real music... She then said, if you don't like the music, at least look at the cute boys... I looked, I blushed and the lied and said..."they're not my type"... And that was a forking lie!! I have sinned! I love K-pop now... But I was again, very stupid and judgemental back in my tiny-tot days.

My favorite group is Stray Kids... But my mom would always mistake them for Stray Cats🤣!! If any K-pop came on the radio, my mom would be like... "Is this the Stray Cats"😂!? Mew😹! At some point I just agreed that my favorite K-pop group was officially Stray Cats whenever I was with my mom!

My favorite songs from them mostly consist of their Oddinary album. But I like the song Railway, Red Lights, and Drive... Yes, my brain is sludge and I need to touch grass... So what🤪! Railway's music video kinda creeped me out though... Since it seemed to have a horror theme to it. I respect the horror genre, but I would've readily watch it willingly... Unless it's Stray Kids(Stray Cats)!

Alexa doesn't seem to register when is say..."Alexa"..."play Stray Kids Oddinary Album". She doesn't seem to understand that Oddinary is an original word by Stray Kids(Stray Cats). So I have to manually tell her the title and group I want her to play for me😭! But get this... She understands what Maxident is! Or was it Maxidant? I can't remember the spelling?

I don't know if I like art? I always thought I did. But whenever I'm around real art fans, I just feel like an uneducated potato. And I honestly don't wanna hear the stories behind art or their meanings. I simply enjoy the way they look. If they bring any feeling to me without any description or knowledge given to me. But again, being around art buffs... It's not easy to make conversation with them when they seem to wanna talk about the artists, or their techniques, or the meaning behind a certain piece of art. I just like to look at it. Plain and simple.

Heyah! Story remembered by my mom, experienced by my mom, me, my aunt, and my grandma.

I was age 5. My mom and I went on a trip from West to East Coast. Why? To visit my Aunt for the holidays. We planned to see the Lion King on Broadway. It was amazing! But that's really the only fun that was had on that trip.

My mom planned for us to stay in New York for about a week. I was on Winter vacation from school.

But...

The whole time it forking rained!!! It was raining buckets!! Cat's and dogs I tells ya!!! And no... It wasn't raining men🤣!

But...

Of course on the day we were set to leave... The sky opened and the sun showed itself to my mom's middle finger!!

And that's the story!!

It's a real story from a few years ago. About my dog Dakota.

I went to the animal shelter with my mom. We were going there cause I asked to see the cats. I had a cat at the time name Crystal. I think I was around 10 during this time.

As I was looking at all the fresh faces of the cute kitties.

There was this crate in the lobby.

Poor little guy was brought back by their owner due to the owners mom having cancer or something. Which I could totally relate to in the future.

But back to the story.

My mom was near the crate. She peered inside. Then boop! A small nose popped outta the tiny mountain of blankets. Then the rest of the snout, then Dakota's large, brown, cute eyes found my mom's. He then popped his whole head outta the blankets. He has one ear up and one ear flopped down. He had a white diamond shaped fur patch on his forehead. Sorta like the pretty jewel things that Indian cultured people wear. But this fur patch was just part of his pattern.

He was so cute and tiny. A Chihuahua mix. I think he was round 6 months old. But tiny.

My mom instantly bonded with the little guy!

All this happened while I was looking at the cats.

When it was time to leave... As I was skipping down the steps. My mom stopped. She looked at me. I stopped. I looked at her. And she said, "do you wanna get a dog?" I thought she was joking. So I sorta laughed it off. Cause my mom wasn't known to be spontaneous. At least not that I knew of.

When I realized that she was serious... I jumped for joy, bounded up the stairs. We got the little tot. And the rest was history.

Until 5 years later...

Dakota was know to use his nose a lot. Smelled anything, anyone, and any-any, until he smelled the wrong thing.

A pile of fungus.

It went to his brain. He couldn't walk. Couldn't eat. Wouldn't hold his fluids.

So, we had to put him down. Actually... My mom had to at the Vets. I couldn't be in the room due to the stress.

Over the years, my mom and I always said, "it was his nose that brought him to us, and it was his nose that took him away".

So, be careful with your pets out there. And watch out for fungus. They're not good for the brain!!

First off, this isn't my own experience... I saw it/heard it while at Blaze Pizza.

I was eating some pizza with my good friend/neighbor. When all of a sudden... My neighbor started chuckling outta the blue. I ask her why she was laughing. She discreetly pointed to a table sorta behind us adjacent.

I then listened in. It was a younger couple around early 20's. I was in High School at the time. But the couples conversation was hilarious!!

Obviously the conversation was more hilarious for me and my companion. But they also seemed like they were on a first date. It definitely seemed like the most awkward date ever!

The dude was going on and on about toilet plumbing!! Something about how to properly make a toilet and the best methods to not clog the toilet! The girl looked like she wanted to be swallowed into a whole, or I guess... She wanted to be flushed down the toilet with how the date she was having was going!

My good friendo ended our meal before we could hear the end of how the date went... So I don't know if they had a second date... But who knows?

This is going to be shorter than what I've written before.

I live with my cousins. They're nice. I live in their rental home. It's "nice". It's a bit crowded. Filled to the brim with art, art supplies, paper, and dog hair. It's "nice".

I look forward to being in their new Mini-mansion.

They're nice enough to let me stay there for the time being, until I become a decent human being. Not a potatoes/blank canvas.

They're building their new home from the ground up... It's been over a year due to their old home having the thingy in the walls that's toxic... I can't remember what it's called. It's in really old homes though.

Anyway, their new home is huge! It'll be done around April, May, or June?

They're letting me stay in the guest bedroom and I get to design it however I want!!

It's super big for a guest bedroom, and I'm not used to that. I sorta grew up poor till my parent passed away. And they took me in.

My room has 12 foot ceilings!! I feel super tiny in that room. I'm 4 foot 11 inches tall by the way.

I have a walk-in closet, which I've never had. I don't even have enough clothes to fill one of the walls in the walk-in closet. They said, "it'll be full in no-time". Like, what the fork does that mean!?

I have my own bathroom attached to my room, which my old bathroom was actually a powder room in my old home.

They have a music room, library, pool, a huge kitchen with a huge island. A 4 car garage!

It's crazy!!

Not to mention my cousin has a balcony!!! The stairs seemed like an odd choice for me though? Considering my cousin has a bad knee, yet her room is on the top floor. And my room is the only one on the bottom floor.

My cousins also have a very loud dog. So they made the house more soundproof. The dog is super, super, SUPER loud... But my family loves the big lug!!

There's 2 living spaces as well, and they have this huge TV! TV's will also apparently be in all the bedrooms, which I wasn't aware that that was a thing?

The temperature will probably be the main issue between me and my cousins, since I run very, very, very warm, unless I specifically stay outside for a long period of time in the cold. Inside a house though... 50°F is my comfy temperature. Cold showers unless it's winter. Then it would be semi-warm, semi-cold. The only time I have a hot shower... Is if I'm sick. And those hot showers last shorter, due to hot temperatures causing me muscle pain. I don't know why?

Anyway, back to their home... Again, it's huge!! I get a nice view of the backyard!

Also, where I'm living now, my cousins say that screen windows aren't a thing here... But where I'm from... They are. So, it'll be interesting to have the windows open like a princess... Or keep them open like those old HS/College movies where the guy, or girl climbs in through the window! That never could've happened back where I used to live due to me being on the 3rd floor, and screen windows. Plus, all my neighbors knew me, and would probably report to my mom if a boy hopped through my screen window!

My room can fit a King size bed. Which I used to have a trundle twin size bed. I was actually a good foot smaller than the length of the trundle. So, I'd be pretty small in a king-size bed. It laughable honestly. I have started to enjoy my height and comparing my height to people and things around me gives me a good laugh!

Also, my family aren't that tall either. The only male in the house(the dad figure) it around 5 foot 7 inches tall. The mother figure is shorter than me, but she says she's 5 foot 3 inches tall... So let's just say she is. And their eldest daughter is 5 foot 2 inches. And their youngest daughter is around the same height as me, maybe an inch taller at the moment? She's still growing. Though I stopped growing at 12 years old, so who knows when she'll stop growing?

Anyway, back to the house again. They'll also have citrus trees in their backyard and groundskeepers. I love oranges... So... ORANGES!!! They're pool is definitely interesting. Large pool, tiny warm pool. I don't know how to spell the warm pool. The tiny warm pool can probably fit 2 people of my size.

I look forward to deciding what I'd want for my room. I can't really decided exactly? I like the Chinese style in terms of pattern choices. But I also like Art Deco. But their home is sorta old/classic French. With those bird wall papers. My cousin loves those bird wall papers that are seen in classic French homes. But they're mixing brasses for their art deco look. My cousins doesn't really like sharp lines, so those are the 2 styles she's chosen.

I like the feng shui layout, but my room doesn't allow for that. My room has 2 large windows, but the space between the windows doesn't allow for their to be a bed in between. And if I face my bed on the other wall... I'll be facing the entrance door. And if my bed is on that same wall and I lay on my right side... I'm face-to-face with the bathroom door.

My cousins said that I could keep the lights on in my room when I sleep, as I can't sleep unless my room is as bright as a star. They only said that I had to limit my shower time. Since my usual shower time at my old home was 2 hours long. I can't do that with my cousins.

They also have a fire place somewhere in the house. I can't remember where. All I know is that means s'mores!!!

I think I'll end it hear. I'm tired. Sleepy. Sleepy. And tired.

Eat good food and drink lots of water!!!

Written as letter to Ex.

Ex.,

I want to know why you treated me the way you do when you said you love me?

Why did you feel the need to play Hot & Cold?

All I asked for was for you to talk to me. Yet 3 days of no contact on the bases of an "I've been busy with work".

When you wouldn't text me at least once a day, I felt like I wasn't loved. I shared with you that my love language is words of affirmation. Yet you couldn't fulfill that role.

I asked you to break up with me. I broke up with you many times. Yet you always managed to bring me back in. It's my fault in the end. I came back of my own free will. I regret those choices.

I regret letting your pouting sway my decisions. Whenever I wouldn't give you adult touches, you'd pout in a corner... And like the weak person I was, I came back to "help" with that.

We're done, yet I still claim to have loved you. Did I love you? I honestly don't know. I definitely felt forced into loving you.

The live bombing wasn't great either whenever we went through a difficult time.

I moved outta state, while you were stuck in the state I left. Unable to come with me due to your restraints. I understand that. I texted you shorter texts because longer texts didn't seem to be ready. Then I only texted once per day, hoping you'd at least read and respond to me.

At some point you mentioned leaving this world, I sobbed. And I stayed.

Being in another state made me realize that this wasn't love. You did not love me.

In the beginning of our relationship we shared what we think love is. You said that love is putting another's needs before your own. Taking care of them. That was the only description you gave me.

My description of love was so long, but you didn't think that was real love. I wanted someone who would talk to me, cuddle with me without any further adult touches. I wanted someone would would be able to hold out doing all the way until my 4 month comfort limit. You took my V-card and I was happy in the moment, but after... I honestly felt sad... Like it was a goodbye thing.

I'm 23 forking year old, and always imagined my 1st time being with someone who truly cared about my boundaries and what I believe in.

Your compromises were that you'd choose were we lived. That's fine. And you compromised about us getting a cat. That's fine. But you'd use that against me whenever I asked for something that you didn't wanna do. The only thing that I specifically asked for is someone who shares their feelings, thoughts and opinions, as well as listening to mine. I also asked that intimacy be limited. And I should've known that it wouldn't work out when you said on our first date that your love language was physical touch. And I said to you that my least favorite love language was acts of service, yet that was your second favorite. I guess I was desperate to be loved. And I'll not make that mistake again. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'll never date or be loved the way that I wish to be. Reality isn't a movie. And movies aren't reality. Yet, I've seen with my own two eyes that it can be through my close friend. Her life has had bumps in the road, but I see how much her love loves her... The way he looks at her and holds her. The way that he supports her in all her endeavors. And her book is also an inspiration. She's the one who helped me out of my past relationship cause she went through the same thing before.

People may say that I'm heartless for not giving my ex a chance. Well, the only chance he ever wanted to show me that he loved me was in-person. And I'd spend most of my time where I am now. So, I could not continue the relationship... Ended with cold turkey. Blocked and deleted. Again, some might say that's harsh and some might say, you were with him for only a few months... Give it time. But I've already lost so many years, and built up so many regrets.

I'm tired. I know love it out there. But the only love I'll ever truly see is through my bestie, books, and movies. And I'm honestly very happy for those who find their true loves, or loves that make you happy in the moment. I also may be jealous, but that is honestly a healthy emotion... In my opinion. Just as long as it doesn't control your life. Which I'm working on.

Goodnight everyone!!!

From, Me.

Written as a letter to my mom...

Dear Mom,

You promised me that you'd visit China were I was adopted.

You promised me that we'd drive up the coast of California.

You promised me that we'd visit where you grew up in Long Island, New York.

You promised to show me around Europe and the places you went on your college trip.

You promised me that you'd go to Las Vegas for the Chinese New Year decorations for the Year of the Snake.

You promised me that we'd visit Chilé were you spent your younger years.

You promised me that you'd be there for me on all those trips.

But the most important place that I wanted you to visit is walking me down the aisle if I got married.

I'm single again, but I would've wanted you to be there with me to comfort me when things well out between my boyfriend and me.

I know you're in a better place, and we always said, "Fuck Cancer!" But by God, by anyone who would listen, we'd promised that we'd travel the world together!!!

I'm tired, it's late at night when I'm writing this. I'm sleepy.

I love you!!!

Love, you're daughter who loves you to the moon and stars and back!!

I'm in my early 20's. Yet I've wasted my life. As I've moved from the place I've called home for many years. I realized that everything I did there was for other people's approval, appreciation, and opinions. Now, as I'm not there, I just feel lost. I don't know what I want for my major, nor what my interests are. I know damn well what I don't like, and many people say that that's a start. But I'm honestly worried that I'll never make any friends due to the fact that I honestly don't know what I like. I have no passions. No interests. And it's hard for me to be interested in other people on a genuine level, since I don't know what I'm interested. Most people wanna be friends with others with the same interest. But how do people become friends with someone who lacks interests? And I mean genuine interests. As I've said, I've lived me life for other people, and I don't know where to start for myself. Trust me, I've try many things, but again, they weren't for me, but for others. I guess I could list the things I've tried, but it would make it seem like I'm a lost cause! I've tried, hip-hop/crump dance, jazz dance, 4 years of ballet, tap dance, painting, drawing, pottery, singing, playing guitar, playing the djembe drum, playing the ukulele, playing the harmonica(I only tried that one 3 times, and never again), baking, cooking, paper mashé, learning ASL(American Sign Language), fashion design, jewelry design, makeup stuff(I didn't like it after a while), math at one point(never again!!!), proper ways to clean, learning about different books(even though I haven't read them)... Simply to interact with those book lovers, same goes for movies and TV, there's a lot I haven't seen, but I can somewhat carry on a conversation with the same conviction that the fans of those franchises do. And the list goes on of what I've tried and ended up not really liking. The only things that I refuse to engage in are horror movies, books, and TV, spicy food, sea food, winter sports(other than ice skating), and anything to do with Winston Churchill. Other than that, I really don't know what I enjoy.

Basically at my high school we all have majors, I am a tech major. We have this project that’s due nearing the end of the year. The project being creating a mechanical or electrical work of your own. The issue is, I’ve never managed to do anything good at all for this project. It’s my senior year and know they’re asking me to do 2 of them and I just can’t. I feel so ashamed and like such a failure of a person because I can’t do what everyone else can. In my freshman year they just stuck me with another group because I couldnt fucking do anything right. They always act like I’m supposed to be this genius and I’m just an idiot. And since now I’m a senior they won’t accept anything that isn’t “senior quality” and it’ll be a zero. I fucking hate my life and this school I don’t why I haven’t given up yet. I’m tired of not being good enough.